FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:01 – 00:00:16:06

Jason Baker

You’ve got to have a foundation somewhere and you’ve got to have that ride or die friend or friends. I know their schedule, so I know that if I’m at work, I’ve got three or four guys I can call that’ll step in and handle stuff. My water heater blows up. I make that call. It’s handled. We kind of have to be on our A game or it falls apart. And if, believe me, it falls apart.

 

00:00:16:11 – 00:00:22:23

Jimmy Durbin

If I could learn something from another man who’s walked in front of me, that would be wisdom.

 

00:00:22:23 – 00:00:27:29

Jason Baker

I’ve got to remember to be humble. The last thing my wife needs is a problem solver showing up and telling her how to fix things.

 

00:00:28:06 – 00:00:32:20

Jimmy Durbin

Barking orders. What can I do for you? What do you need so I can play?

 

00:00:32:29 – 00:00:34:09

Brad Singletary

What can I do for you? What do you need so I can play? It just doesn’t ever seem to work.

 

00:00:34:15 – 00:00:42:29

Jason Baker

This is your domain. You’re here way more than me. Okay? Because I would put that silverware drawer over here, because where you got it is stupid.

 

00:00:43:19 – 00:00:55:16

Jason Baker

Now, that’s a conversation that you can have, but I don’t recommend it. Okay, I’m going to tread a little lighter. I’m going to come into that and say, okay, this is where we’re going to put this very good.

 

00:00:55:16 – 00:01:01:19

Brad Singletary

She’s the queen of this place, you know, like she’s the CEO.

 

00:01:03:27 – 00:01:25:09

Intro

If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

00:01:30:22 – 00:01:51:06

Brad Singletary

Our guest today was nominated and selected as the 2022 Alpha Quorum Father of the Year. Jason Baker and his wife are the parents of eight children, five of whom are adopted. They met in the shadows of Zion National Park and have been married for 27 years. Jason has worked as a firefighter and paramedic for over 20 years.

 

00:01:51:22 – 00:02:28:14

Brad Singletary

They have horses, chickens and ducks and their children have competed in FFA livestock shows and have restored classic cars. They’ve enjoyed life a little slower in their rural hometown outside of Las Vegas, Nevada. Jason, his sons and most of the men in his family are all Eagle Scouts. He admits that his wife, Heidi, is pretty much the boss and teaches about some of the things that they have figured out together and makes note of some of his regrets and things he’s still working on as a man, his wife and children each wrote a surprise note to their dad that we read to him toward the end of the show.

 

00:02:28:27 – 00:02:41:18

Brad Singletary

Check this out, fellas. Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here. I’m super excited about our episode today. So it’s Memorial Day weekend, 2022. And I have.

 

00:02:41:23 – 00:02:45:16

Jimmy Durbin

Sunday night at 5:00. Yes. Thanks, Brad.

 

00:02:45:19 – 00:02:48:11

Brad Singletary

Sorry. Dude we got to make it work for us.

 

[inaudible]

 

00:02:49:02 – 00:03:03:16

Brad Singletary

But we just want to welcome to the show Jason Baker, Jimmy Durbin. Thank you. So. So we appreciate you being here, man. It’s only been like 14 years since we had a proper conversation. So glad to have you back.

 

00:03:03:24 – 00:03:07:12

Jason Baker

15, actually, two weeks shy of 15, if you want to. Well, probably more nap.

 

00:03:07:14 – 00:03:08:15

Jimmy Durbin

What’s the history on that?

 

00:03:09:01 – 00:03:25:12

Jason Baker

Well, Brad. Brad brought my daughter to me. He called my wife and said, hey, I got this little girl that we’d already decided if we got a call, we’d take her. And so we got a call, and we went. And after a few days, I guess we were right down at birth mom, and met my baby.

 

[inaudible]

 

00:03:25:12 – 00:03:28:24

Brad Singletary

That’s right, you met her?

 

00:03:28:25 – 00:03:42:02

Jason Baker

Yeah, we did. And she looked at us and she said, “Well, you look like good parents. Here’s my daughter.” And literally handed Heidi, her daughter Rose last time she held her.

 

00:03:43:04 – 00:04:11:07

Brad Singletary

I forgot that. That was I forgot about some of those events, some of those things. And since you’re talking about it, though, I’ve got I’ve got to share one thing. So we were doing the adoption home study and you go out into the home and whatever and you have to check for safety things. And Jason pulled me aside and said, Hey, man, if you tell my wife we need one of those big Browning safes for our for our guns, I’ll give you 100 bucks.

 

00:04:11:14 – 00:04:22:11

Jason Baker

You know, Brad’s a good man. Yes, sir. So I still have firearms to put in it, but. Yeah.

 

00:04:23:08 – 00:04:25:25

Jimmy Durbin

So how old were you at that point?

 

00:04:27:00 – 00:05:01:09

Jason Baker

Trying to think how old I am now. I must have been 35 because I’m 49 now, so I’d have been 34, 35. And we were looking for a daughter. Well, back that up. I had we had three kids. Three boys. We were able to have those mostly naturally they had to try. She has to have a cesarean. She developed some some issues. She had a uterine cancer that. I ended up doing a complete hysterectomy on her and clean her up. And she’s good that way. But once once she realized that she could write a check for children and not have to have sex anymore, she was totally.

 

[inaudible]

 

00:05:01:09 – 00:05:11:06

Jason Baker

A lot more so thankfully. [inaudible] She knows. I tell everybody that. So, by the way, she’s.

 

00:05:11:11 – 00:05:15:06

Jimmy Durbin

You can’t see. But he’s a you’re a good looking man. I mean, you’re.

 

00:05:15:09 – 00:05:42:21

Jason Baker

I like to think so. Yeah. That’s how I keep my I have a low self-esteem. I’d like to be validated regularly. So I appreciate that. [inaudible] Yes, I can go continue anyway. Sorry. So. Well, we got she got that figured out. You can you can just buy kids. And if she’d have known that before, I would never, you know, had any the other way. But we ended up with with Brielle and then we picked up Bristol.

 

00:05:42:29 – 00:06:31:26

Jason Baker

We, we went through another adoption agency because Brad ran off on us and disappeared. So we went through another agency, ended up with another girl. We were actually set up to adopt her little sister. Her mother got pregnant again and seen if we’d help her and we were helping her out a little bit. She kept on us, which we kind of knew was going to happen because baby daddy got out of jail. So that wasn’t really a surprise. But we got another little girl. Probably like a week later, just literally fell in our lap after that third one went away. So we got her. That’s my younges. And then we had Heidi stepsister, who died of mysterious circumstances and drugs and all that’s involved in that. And we ended up with her two kids.

 

00:06:33:05 – 00:06:38:13

Brad Singletary

Wow. I wondered about those youngest two. I hadn’t been kept in touch enough to know about those guys.

 

00:06:38:13 – 00:07:09:07

Jason Baker

So we have we have two sets of twins. We have two girls. We’re mixed family. I have a two black girls, the white girl. And and there’s some Pacific Islander and Latino everything mixed in with them. But and then. Barack and my youngest boy, Barack and Abdullah, four, four days apart. So we just celebrated the twins. That goes over really well. Brinley and hold on, just really in. Brinley and Bristol are nine months apart.

 

00:07:09:19 – 00:07:42:06

Jason Baker

It’s fun to see Brielle’s real mom was you know, 4’8 and 60lbs. So, I mean, she was a she was literally under 100lbs after she gave birth. And so Brielle’s for granted, you know, under five foot, she might be five foo now with her shoes on. Bristol, her birth mother was like 6’4, played basketball. And our other two are pretty good size too so the oldest daughter’s now the smallest and the rest of them are catching up. But we’re we’re all mixed up. So we have a salt and pepper twins and we have Barack and and Dell, our youngest two.

 

00:07:42:06 – 00:07:47:26

Brad Singletary

So let’s start the whole story way back. Met your wife and grew up. Where where did you you guys?

 

00:07:48:29 – 00:08:14:17

Jason Baker

She was dating a friend of mine. He brought her by the house and then she came back the next day with a bunch of her friends and came back the next day with a few lesser friends and actually a few less for friends. And I. I told her, I said, Look, man, what’s your intention with this girl? Because I’m a take her out. He said, Oh, you go, you go ahead. I just kind of, you know, scamming on her. Oh, okay. You know, back in the day, that was just going to make an out, I guess. So like the next thing I knew that that was that we got married about four, four months later.

 

00:08:15:03 – 00:08:17:09

Brad Singletary

You stole your buddies girlfriend and made.

 

00:08:17:09 – 00:08:18:13

Jason Baker

He gave her to me again.

 

00:08:19:13 – 00:08:21:19

Brad Singletary

Best gift ever did you ever try to give her back?

 

00:08:21:19 – 00:08:25:24

Jason Baker

Yeah. Yes. And I’m sure she’s tried to get rid of me at the time.

 

00:08:25:24 – 00:08:27:20

Brad Singletary

So where was that? Where were you got? Where did you grow up?

 

00:08:27:20 – 00:08:39:10

Jason Baker

That was in Southern Utah. So she’s a Southern Utah girl. She grew up in the Shadow of Zion Park. And I would say southern Utah boy.  The town’s not it’s not what we left. We grew up there and now it’s not familiar.

 

00:08:39:10 – 00:08:40:27

Brad Singletary

But like hurricane or where.

 

00:08:41:09 – 00:08:56:03

Jason Baker

She’s she’s a hurricane girl, and I was a Washington boy. So it’s a it’s a different world up there now. It used to be, hey, fields and farms, and now it’s a bunch of old people and way too expensive for anybody to drive safely on the streets.

 

00:08:56:18 – 00:08:58:14

Brad Singletary

So what made you land where you are now?

 

00:08:58:23 – 00:09:19:13

Jason Baker

We moved down where we’re at. It’s we’re in a little rural town near Moapa. That’s a lot like. Where we grew up. The kids can still do what they want to do. They can ride their bikes to school, they can ride the four wheelers to school. You go to the ball fields and there’s, 20 racers and 15 four wheelers and ten motorbikes. And as long as the kids aren’t stupid, they’re kind of given a little bit of freedom.

 

00:09:19:13 – 00:09:20:12

Brad Singletary

A little bit of freedom there.

 

00:09:20:27 – 00:09:21:17

Jason Baker

And that’s and.

 

00:09:21:17 – 00:09:27:01

Jason Baker

That’s that’s good. And it’s a it’s a tight enough community that we all know each other for the most part.

 

00:09:27:09 – 00:09:30:04

Brad Singletary

If your kids acting up the neighbors going to handle it. And.

 

00:09:30:13 – 00:09:35:11

Jason Baker

You know, my neighbor is going to kick his butt and he’s going to call me and he’s going to get his butt kicked, you know, when he comes home. I mean, that’s.

 

00:09:35:18 – 00:09:37:12

Brad Singletary

That’s extra. You got to [inaudible]

 

00:09:37:17 – 00:09:49:02

Jason Baker

And the kids know that so they behave. So we don’t we don’t have to, you know, 99 and a half percent of them are fine. There are still more like me when I was a kid.

 

00:09:49:23 – 00:09:59:08

Brad Singletary

I can’t wait to hear the how that was. So you’ve got these three biological boys tell me their names again. By the way, all these are starting with the B, okay.

 

00:09:59:08 – 00:10:18:03

Jason Baker

Starting from the top. We got Baxter, Bridger, Boston, Brielle, Brinley, Bristol, Bracken and Bodo. [inaudible] Do not ask me their birthdays. Kind of. My my little brother named all his kids A’s. And we we started we did the B’s first, so we just thought it was fun.

 

00:10:18:03 – 00:10:20:24

Brad Singletary

You notice he had to take a breath right there in the middle of them?

 

00:10:20:24 – 00:10:28:06

Jason Baker

I had to think about them. Okay, we got it. We got him in. A different order than they are. Birthdays, because a couple of them we got when they were not babies.

 

00:10:29:07 – 00:10:37:27

Jimmy Durbin

In this town that you’re from, it’s spelled and looks a lot like actually the word hurricane. They all pronounce it hurricane.

 

00:10:37:27 – 00:10:49:07

Jason Baker

That’s correct. All right. There we go. Like Nevada, Nevada, Nevada, Vada. Yeah. It’s like so we can tell if you’re if you’re local or not right away.

 

00:10:49:07 – 00:11:04:17

Brad Singletary

Exactly. So wife had the hysterectomy. You had the three boys you wanted your family to grow and then what was the process from there? Where would you end up going? I don’t know if it was Foster first or.

 

00:11:04:22 – 00:11:29:22

Jason Baker

Were we talked about that. We talked about fostering. We actually went through foster classes. When we moved, we moved when I frst got my job in Vegas, we moved from Saint George area down down into where we’re at now. And there, we were. Actually ready to get foster kids. We were going to foster kids and that was one of the things we moved that was kind of hard because we’d gone through the classes, we’d gone through all the stuff.

 

00:11:29:25 – 00:11:30:17

Brad Singletary

Ready to start.

 

00:11:30:17 –  00:11:52:00

Jason Baker

That up there. Now we’re moving to another state. We’ve got to start all that again. So we kind of put that on hold for a couple of years because we’d kind of had enough and transitioning, you know, doing the same thing, but doing a somewhere else career wise, you know, I come down here, I’ve got one job up there. I think I had four or five I was doing at the same time. But that was, you know, Southern Utah wages and trying to pay your bills.

 

00:11:52:02 – 00:12:00:13

Jimmy Durbin

So is this. Something that you guys talked about while you recording or during marriage or like at what point in time was the.

 

00:12:00:13 – 00:12:01:27

Brad Singletary

Three boys already here or.

 

00:12:01:29 – 00:12:13:02

Jason Baker

So three boys were already born that the adoption and that came. Up after she’d had her hysterectomy and after we’d gone through that, knowing that, you know, she couldn’t have any more kids.

 

00:12:13:02 – 00:12:14:29

Jimmy Durbin

And did she come from a large family as well? I mean.

 

00:12:14:29 – 00:13:40:00

Jason Baker

Well, her parents divorced, so she’s got large families with stepkids and everything on the other side. But she had five, I have five brothers and sisters. So there’s six of us. I’m the oldest of six. So we come from large families. It wasn’t really an intent when we got married. I didn’t want any kids. And she wanted, you know, four or five. And then it just kind of happened. And I don’t know. I mean, I’m I don’t I try to be a religious guy and I listen to that, you know, whispering in my head a lot. And there’s times in my life that. I have been yelled at and put into positions to where this is what you’re going to do. And I can honestly say with these children that we’ve adopted, the first instant we got the call or the knowledge of them by knew, especially the last two. There was absolutely no question in my mind that we needed to take those kids and we actually had to terminate birth dad’s rights. He was in jail at the time for. Yeah. Oh, jeez. A laundry list of things. He’s a sex offender. He’s you know, in my mind, he’s a suspect in their mom’s murder. I want to say murder, but, you know, it was ruled an overdose. But so I knew we had to get these kids. And so we did.

 

00:13:42:18 – 00:13:46:13

Jimmy Durbin

A lot of admiration. I just got done reading a book, The Boy Crisis.

 

00:13:46:13 – 00:13:52:11

Brad Singletary

Oh, I’ve got it in my in my wish list or whatever. Ready to go. The boy crisis.

 

00:13:52:11 – 00:14:36:05

Jimmy Durbin

But with his research, one of the reasons there’s a crisis is just a lack of men in the lives of our children, but specifically boys and just that model. And so I didn’t know this about you, but to hear you step into that space and just a lot of admiration, a lot of appreciation, I do for any man who’s willing to step into that void, there are times where I think of that myself and just kind of being an advocate and the voice for these voices. And so it’s just thank you, I guess, is what I’m trying to say.

 

00:14:36:19 – 00:14:55:21

Jason Baker

Thank you. I appreciate it. Like I say, it’s kind of are a lot of. Times I think we’re putting the positions where we get to choose. And I think you’ve already got to have your mind made up. You know. You’ve got to have some sort of inkling of what you want to be and what you want to portray. And you just need to do those things. It’s never easy.

 

00:14:56:03 – 00:15:00:23

Jimmy Durbin

And how did how did you learn that? How did that come to be for you and how?

 

00:15:00:26 – 00:15:43:09

Jason Baker

A lot of examples from my from my father, my mother, who were very you know. I grew up in the LDS Faith and they were always very, very strong. My mother especially she’s going to she’s going to organize and run heaven when she gets there. Dad’s going to do what he’s told. And that’s you know, that’s that’s good. You know, he’s a good man. He’s instilled in me, you know. The honesty and integrity things. I grew up in the Scouts since I was. As soon as I can remember, my dad was a scoutmaster. I mean, four or five years old. I was running amok with the scouts and doing things with them. He always dragged me along and I learned those things early. 

 

00:15:43:09 – 00:16:27:11

Jason Baker

I’ve honestly been in the scouts until until the church, the you know, the Mormon Church quit the program. I guess the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints quit the program because the program the program, I think quit itself. I think itgot away from the values and things it instilled in. But I still try and live by that. And even now in my my work at church and, you know, with my boys, my, my boys, all three are Eagle Scouts. I’m an Eagle Scout. All my brothers are Eagle Scouts. My uncles are Eagle Scouts. My dad’s an Eagle Scout.  You know, his dad was one of the first Eagle Scouts in Salt Lake. And that they’re trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous guy to be truthful to, to brave, clean and river on my honor, I’ll do my best. Do what you do to God in my country to help other people at all times keep myself physically strong. Mentally straight, morally awake. I think mentally straight, morally like.

 

00:16:28:05 – 00:17:01:06

Jason Baker

Anyway, that that’s always stuck in my head and that’s kind of what I live by and, and my career, I think references that I want to be somebody that’s prepared to help and able to help and help my family help myself. And it’s not always easy. Sometimes you need help, a lot of times you need help. And being able to accept that, ask for it. You’ve got to have, you know, a foundation somewhere and you’ve got to have that right or die friend or friends that you can count on no matter what.

 

00:17:02:12 – 00:17:04:01

Jimmy Durbin

So in your career.

 

00:17:04:11 – 00:17:05:28

Jason Baker

I’m a firefighter, paramedic.

 

00:17:07:21 – 00:17:11:26

Brad Singletary

Firefighter, paramedic, which means you’re away from home a lot.

 

00:17:12:14 – 00:17:14:04

Jason Baker

That’s right. I have 24 hour shifts.

 

00:17:14:04 – 00:17:44:17

Brad Singletary

What I believe that I’ve kind of watched over the years is just that when you are home, you are home. And I know you may take a hunting trip or you may do something away, but you seem to be involved, man. You’re doing stuff with your kids. You’ve got a day. It seem like you’ve got the funnest family ever. I mean, I see those pictures of you’re out there trying to get some unstuck from the mud out there or whatever and just animals, I mean talk about your whole lifestyle with your family.

 

00:17:44:18 – 00:18:42:21

Jason Baker

We come home, we got I mean, there’s eight of them. I’ve got three of them out to them are up in Utah working now. One of them’s married. One of them is soon going to be my oldest two. Another one is in Washington on a mission, but I still have five kids at home and it seems like it’s good just having five. And that sounds silly. But you know, now my girls are in cheer and gymnastics and, you know, looking at playing sports and basketball. They want to play all these things and you got to be busy. You know, my wife is a full time chauffeur. And and when she’s not doing that, you know, she’s doing laundry and cleaning and trying to get the kids do that and we have we have some kids that are that are special needs. We have some kids with some some diagnosis of autism and those kinds of things. And, you know, they suffer for some traumas that they couple of them from some traumas that they went through and, you know, effects of what their birth mothers did to them when they were in the womb and so we we kind of have to be on her, on her A-game or it falls apart. And if believe me, it falls apart. I mean.

 

00:18:48:10 – 00:18:49:24

Brad Singletary

I can’t imagine.

 

00:18:49:24 – 00:19:00:12

Jason Baker

There’s tears and hate and yell and discontent and that in our home when you know, obviously you don’t want that but hey sh*t should happens and it explodes.

 

00:19:00:19 – 00:19:10:04

Brad Singletary

It does. So what does that mean of you? And you talk about filling your respective roles and stuff. And in order to you’ve got to be on your A-game in order to keep things going.

 

00:19:10:04 – 00:20:14:08

Jason Baker

My wife tells me it’s like, well, you know. Yeah. You know, and she’s a she’s a single mom. A lot of times she has to handle things in situations which, again.

You know, we have. You know, in my career field, I’ve got a lot of friends who are either home or gone. So, you know, that phone call, two in the morning. I’m not scared to make it in. My family needs it and neither are they. So we have a support network. And whether it’s a friend of mine, that’s in law enforcement or a friend of mine, that’s another paramedic that lives down the road or, you know, works for another department. I know their shift. I know their schedule. So I know that if I’m at work, I’ve got three or four guys. I can call that’ll step in and handle stuff. My water heater blows up, I make that call, it’s handled and I don’t have to worry about it. And that’s that’s something that, you know, is wonderful living where we live to have that network of friends and family, the can do that kind of stuff. But as far as that’s what we’ve got to get up. You know, my wife’s up at 5:00 in the morning every school day or sooner starting hair, doing hair, doing whatever. Get the kid.

 

00:20:14:10 – 00:20:22:07

Brad Singletary

And she never slouchy look and I just want to say these are she is great and these are special you know what the ethnic hair and whatever she’s doing all kinds of cool stuff.

 

00:20:22:07 – 00:20:23:25

Jason Baker

Master at that stuff.

 

00:20:24:00 – 00:20:27:09

Brad Singletary

You know, lots of time. 

 

00:20:27:09 – 00:20:56:20

Jason Baker

Yeah. And she’s good at it. She’s very good at it. And the kids will scream and cry and carry on. But, you know, she sits him down. This is what you’re going to do. You can wear your hair like this. You’re not going to look you’re not going to look trashy. You’re going to you’re going to look good. And that’s that’s something that that she instills in them and makes them do. But but she is, you know, from five in the morning till the kids go to school at nine, she’s up and that’s what she’s doing, getting kids ready for school, finishing homework and doing hair. And I’ve got kids that take a half hour. I had to do hair.

 

00:20:57:27 – 00:21:03:29

Brad Singletary

So this so your job, you said you just take orders and do what she wants you to do. I’m sure there’s a way.

 

00:21:04:17 – 00:21:20:13

Jason Baker

And I try where I can and you know, I don’t do as much as I should, probably, but, you know, I’ll make the runs. And when she yells at them and she gives me the look, I know I’ve got to yell at them or go make them make them do the things they need to. Because, you know, Dad, Dad’s got to be the heavy, I guess.

 

00:21:21:00 – 00:21:54:02

Jimmy Durbin

Yeah, I don’t want to brush over that point because I think I know early in my marriage three boys and my wife manage the kids and then I would go off and I’d come home business trip or whatever it was, and my ego would kick in and now I’m running the show and everyone needs to play second fiddle to me but I’m not hearing that.

 

00:21:54:14 – 00:22:42:12

Jason Baker

Oh, believe me, that happens. Okay. I come home and I’m used to barking at a grown, grown man. And a lot of times my language is inappropriate for for families and friends but, you know, when I go to my safe place at work, we don’t hold back on each other. And that’s because the stress or things that we deal with and do, we’re we’re messing with each other constantly. We are we’re a tight group. But, you know, I trusted one of those guys in my life and I don’t think twice about it. And when I come home from that rough play or whatever, it’s it’s hard for me to switch those gears to come from being that that alpha dog and come home to have a little girls tell me what to do and I have my wife tell me what to do. And here’s, you know, what are you or why are you talking to your kid like that?

 

00:22:42:12 – 00:23:02:20

Jimmy Durbin

So you talk about that. Can you talk about what strategies, techniques, what you do to kind of help switch that gear? Because I think that’s again, I just speak for myself like that’s I I’ve tripped over myself. If I could learn something from another man who’s walked in front of me, that would be wisdom that I’d like to.

 

00:23:02:28 – 00:23:30:13

Jason Baker

Well, I’m not very good at it. I am terrible at that transition. A lot of times, me we all come home I’ve got animals in a farm out there. I’ll go out, feed my horses. But we’ve just got horses and chickens now, so it’s easy. Sometimes we have four pigs and steers and and everything else. But when I’m, when I’m out there, it’s good for me to come home for a few minutes and just go out, pet my horse. Sometimes, you know, my wife knows if I don’t come in for a minute, just.

 

00:23:31:05 – 00:23:31:22

Brad Singletary

Let it be.

 

00:23:31:22 – 00:23:47:28

Jason Baker

Whatever, whatever’s going on out there, whatever is going on in the house, if it’s not an emergency, just. Just let it sit. Sometimes I’ll get on my horse, go for a ride. You know, sometimes you go fast, sometimes it goes slow. And I think for me, that’s that’s my therapy. That’s that’s my time to just. [inaudible]

 

00:23:49:13 – 00:23:52:21

Brad Singletary

Are you rolling up in the morning on your shift? Are you showing up in the morning?

 

00:23:52:21 – 00:24:13:06

Jason Baker

I roll up in the morning. A lot of times I go home for my kids to go to school, my younger kids. So I’ll be able to see them before they go to elementary school, which is nice to come home in the morning. If I get held up or whatever, I’ll just miss them. But it gives it gives me a chance. And I come in a probably half the time I come into an empty house with just her in there.

 

00:24:14:00 – 00:24:37:03

Brad Singletary

I like that you’re talking about you have a little ritual, though, you know, kind of stop by the animals and, you know, there’s a little pause before you kind of walk in, or at least on the hard days or on a day when you might need some of that just to prepare your mind or whatever. I think that’s that’s one of the most overlooked little hacks is just take a minute, slow yourself down before you bust up in there and maybe that gives you that headache.

 

00:24:37:04 – 00:24:38:04

Jason Baker

And I blow through the door it’s a sh*t show

 

00:24:38:17 – 00:24:43:28

Speaker 1

It’s not good and I have all my kids in tears, my wife in tears. Everybody hates me.

 

00:24:44:16 – 00:24:47:12

Jason Baker

And I don’t care. And that’s that’s.

 

00:24:47:12 – 00:24:54:14

Speaker 1

Not a good way to be, you know, it doesn’t accomplish anything. And then you feel bad and then you spend two days fixing that problem, you know, so.

 

00:24:54:24 – 00:24:55:11

Jason Baker

That that’s.

 

00:24:55:11 – 00:24:57:09

Speaker 1

Something that for me is.

 

00:24:57:09 – 00:24:59:04

Jason Baker

Taking a long time. I mean, that’s.

 

00:24:59:04 – 00:25:02:06

Speaker 1

That’s why we have such a high divorce rate and everything else is because.

 

00:25:02:19 – 00:25:03:00

Jason Baker

You don’t.

 

00:25:03:00 – 00:25:20:03

Speaker 1

Have the forgiving on both sides. I think that I’ve got to remember to be humble. I’ve got to remember that I got no idea what’s going on in my house. You know, I’ve got a kid that eats doors and furniture that’s ten years old on occasion, you know, so.

 

00:25:21:00 – 00:25:22:00

Jason Baker

I don’t know.

 

00:25:22:00 – 00:25:23:00

Speaker 1

What I’m coming into.

 

00:25:23:21 – 00:25:24:11

Jason Baker

And I.

 

00:25:24:12 – 00:25:28:14

Speaker 1

Might not say anything about how the house looks because I’ve been there at times.

 

00:25:29:01 – 00:25:29:16

Jason Baker

And.

 

00:25:30:08 – 00:25:41:24

Speaker 1

It’s it’s hard. It’s hard with kids who with regular kids, let alone kids that have some some issues. And sometimes she runs out of gas, too. So I’ve got to.

 

00:25:42:04 – 00:25:42:17

Jason Baker

And.

 

00:25:42:17 – 00:25:53:03

Speaker 1

I’ve got to do better at that. Still, it’s something I continually work on. But I have to remember that when I come in that house, whatever is going on with me has got to stay leave work at work.

 

00:25:53:23 – 00:26:17:01

Jimmy Durbin

Yeah. And it isn’t that interesting construct too, because I step into the role of the job. Right. So you’re fireman, EMT and the natural thinking is assessment. I got to assess situation. Let me assess. And if you were to bring something from into that area, it gets messy. And yeah.

 

00:26:17:07 – 00:26:21:03

Speaker 1

The last thing my wife needs is a problem solver showing up and telling her how to fix things. Yeah.

 

00:26:21:06 – 00:26:29:13

Jimmy Durbin

And so you step into the same environment with a different cap of Now I’m Dad and I forget to assess and just kind of.

 

00:26:29:15 – 00:26:30:28

Jason Baker

Yeah you understand Obama on the.

 

00:26:30:28 – 00:26:31:20

Speaker 1

Last 2 hours.

 

00:26:32:03 – 00:26:32:09

Jason Baker

And.

 

00:26:32:13 – 00:26:32:27

Jimmy Durbin

I’m barking.

 

00:26:32:27 – 00:26:42:18

Jason Baker

Orders. Yeah. What can I do for you? That’s huge. I’ve got to come in. Hey, good to see you. I’m home. What do you need? Plug and play. Yeah.

 

00:26:43:13 – 00:26:49:14

Jimmy Durbin

And then the other thing that you you’d mentioned was, you know, this. I call it a tribe, but you’ve got this brotherhood. These.

 

00:26:49:26 – 00:26:58:22

Jason Baker

It is it’s a tribe. It’s a family. You know, whatever you want to call it, whatever your group or your click or whatever it is, I think that we.

 

00:26:58:22 – 00:27:00:17

Speaker 1

Especially as men, need that because you.

 

00:27:00:17 – 00:27:04:05

Jason Baker

Can’t I know you maybe can. I can’t have the.

 

00:27:04:05 – 00:27:14:09

Speaker 1

Conversations with my wife that I can with these guys because I can just let it out. You know, she’s going to get offended. She’s going to get mad when you’re a jerk and me.

 

00:27:14:09 – 00:27:15:27

Jason Baker

I blow up. I’m over it.

 

00:27:16:04 – 00:27:23:19

Speaker 1

Let me let me just puke it out. Let me throw it all over the place. And I’m good. And I’ve found that if I go home.

 

00:27:23:27 – 00:27:26:23

Jason Baker

And yell at my wife and tell her what I think.

 

00:27:27:12 – 00:27:35:20

Speaker 1

It’s going to be two, three weeks before I fix that bridge. And she doesn’t respond to that. Well, where if I can just get rid of it and come in and.

 

00:27:36:27 – 00:27:37:15

Jason Baker

But, you know.

 

00:27:37:15 – 00:27:38:06

Speaker 1

That’s a differences.

 

00:27:38:06 – 00:27:58:08

Brad Singletary

And I really feel like there’s I really feel like it just never I’m trying to think if I’ve ever seen it work or has it ever been effective for a man to correct a woman and it, you know, go off in some genuinely nice way? I just don’t think it’s possible. We think we’re going to yell and bark our, you know, roar back or whatever.

 

00:27:58:08 – 00:27:59:22

Brad Singletary

And it just never seemed to work.

 

00:28:00:02 – 00:28:00:20

Jason Baker

Well, you don’t.

 

00:28:01:05 – 00:28:04:04

Brad Singletary

Ever worry. They never say, oh, dear, thank you.

 

00:28:04:04 – 00:28:05:03

Speaker 1

Are so smart.

 

00:28:05:03 – 00:28:08:28

Brad Singletary

That is great. I’ve been waiting for that feedback and I would like to thank you.

 

00:28:09:09 – 00:28:14:02

Jason Baker

Yeah, I’m so glad you told me how to do the dishes correctly. Yeah, no, it’s not going to happen.

 

00:28:14:18 – 00:28:20:24

Brad Singletary

So the point is that we should. We should knock that off, but not if you’re just burying testimony at the table.

 

00:28:21:00 – 00:28:22:26

Jason Baker

And I try and I try to to talk or.

 

00:28:22:28 – 00:28:23:28

Speaker 1

I try and adapt the idea.

 

00:28:23:28 – 00:28:25:01

Jason Baker

Of, you know, this is.

 

00:28:25:01 – 00:28:27:08

Speaker 1

This is your house. This is your domain.

 

00:28:27:08 – 00:28:30:02

Jason Baker

You’re here way more than me. Okay.

 

00:28:30:07 – 00:28:31:19

Speaker 1

Because I would put that silverware.

 

00:28:31:19 – 00:28:32:02

Jason Baker

Drawer.

 

00:28:32:09 – 00:28:34:21

Speaker 1

Over here because where you got it is stupid.

 

00:28:35:11 – 00:28:55:20

Jason Baker

Now, that’s a conversation that you can have, but I don’t recommend it. Okay. And we’ve had them, you know, but you know, and I don’t live there. I’m let live there. I’m let visit on occasion. So I’m I’m going to get a little lighter. I’m going to come in to that and say, okay, this is where we’re going to put this very good.

 

00:28:55:20 – 00:28:56:18

Jason Baker

Let’s just get it there.

 

00:28:57:06 – 00:28:57:25

Jimmy Durbin

That’s beautiful.

 

00:28:57:25 – 00:29:01:23

Brad Singletary

That acceptance of her role, like she’s the queen of this place, you know, like.

 

00:29:02:05 – 00:29:02:19

Jimmy Durbin

Saying, oh.

 

00:29:02:29 – 00:29:08:16

Jason Baker

I have to should meet my ass. I will come in here black and blue. So, I mean, she.

 

00:29:08:16 – 00:29:10:29

Speaker 1

She comes off as a nice little church lady, but I’m here to.

 

00:29:11:20 – 00:29:17:04

Jason Baker

Show she knows all the firemen words. Yeah, do.

 

00:29:17:04 – 00:29:39:03

Brad Singletary

That’s awesome. So I just talk a lot about how I think. I believe that the best of men have this polarity. They have a little bit of of each side of a thing, you know. And so you’ve got serious, like this tough side, you know, this Eagle Scout, hunter, fisherman, outdoorsman, freak and farmer raising animals like bad ass like that.

 

00:29:39:04 – 00:29:49:25

Brad Singletary

Like this. Dude got some. I don’t know what they are, but I know they’re expensive boots and he looks like a like a like a cowboy gangster gangster. And he’s got this. You know, I.

 

00:29:49:25 – 00:29:50:21

Jason Baker

Don’t think they have those.

 

00:29:50:22 – 00:29:51:07

Brad Singletary

He don’t like.

 

00:29:51:07 – 00:29:51:13

Jason Baker

That.

 

00:29:52:02 – 00:29:55:11

Jimmy Durbin

That’s a polarity in itself. Yeah. They’re gangster.

 

00:29:55:11 – 00:29:58:04

Jason Baker

I’m still I’m still waiting for Dr. Phil to walk in. That’s the.

 

00:29:58:05 – 00:30:00:02

Brad Singletary

West. He thinks this is an intervention.

 

00:30:00:02 – 00:30:01:21

Jason Baker

That was the first thing he said is, listen.

 

00:30:01:21 – 00:30:03:00

Jimmy Durbin

Guys, if this is intervention.

 

00:30:03:00 – 00:30:05:11

Brad Singletary

I’m out.

 

00:30:05:11 – 00:30:07:10

Jason Baker

Y’all can get me. But I’m there and flip.

 

00:30:07:10 – 00:30:08:12

Jimmy Durbin

Flops and shorts.

 

00:30:08:12 – 00:30:12:03

Brad Singletary

And so you’ve got this like polarity between.

 

00:30:12:03 – 00:30:12:14

Jason Baker

The.

 

00:30:14:14 – 00:30:38:29

Brad Singletary

Tough guy, seriously, community servant, public servant, hero, you know, firefighter in charge of other guys at times and being, you know, this leader and also letting your wife win in her in that in that as much as you can. I mean, I know it doesn’t always work that way, but you have this honor for her. You’re placing her in this position.

 

00:30:39:19 – 00:30:42:02

Jason Baker

Oh, she puts her there. She allows me to.

 

00:30:42:02 – 00:30:42:21

Speaker 1

Hang out with her.

 

00:30:42:25 – 00:30:46:10

Jason Baker

It’s not a no. You guys, you’re are you serious?

 

00:30:46:10 – 00:30:49:03

Brad Singletary

I feel like at that. Is that really how it is or.

 

00:30:49:14 – 00:30:55:02

Jason Baker

I think I think we we play well off each other. It’s taken us a long time. And believe me, we have been.

 

00:30:55:02 – 00:30:57:21

Speaker 1

On the cusp of killing each other more than once.

 

00:30:58:12 – 00:31:00:07

Brad Singletary

And I’m sure. How many years you said 20.

 

00:31:00:07 – 00:31:03:20

Jason Baker

27, I think. Wow. Yeah.

 

00:31:03:20 – 00:31:05:03

Speaker 1

20, 27. 28.

 

00:31:05:16 – 00:31:07:09

Jason Baker

I don’t know. I don’t know what her anniversary is.

 

00:31:07:09 – 00:31:10:02

Speaker 1

I tell her that all the time. She reminds me. I know what it is. Don’t think I.

 

00:31:10:02 – 00:31:15:24

Jason Baker

Don’t. But you know, you have to have that give and take. And, you know.

 

00:31:15:24 – 00:31:28:25

Speaker 1

She lets me sometimes act like I’m in charge. And then, you know, we try not to fight from the kids. Obviously, we try to keep that between us, but doesn’t always work. But she certainly.

 

00:31:29:05 – 00:31:29:14

Jason Baker

Will.

 

00:31:29:14 – 00:31:32:13

Jimmy Durbin

You admit that you have a tender heart now?

 

00:31:32:13 – 00:31:42:02

Jason Baker

Yeah. See that? I’m a softy. I come on, I cry. It make you don’t ever, don’t ever let anybody I’ll hide it, I’ll deny it. But there’s a When Old Yeller died as.

 

00:31:42:02 – 00:31:42:15

Speaker 1

A train.

 

00:31:42:15 – 00:31:44:05

Jason Baker

Wreck. Yeah. You know.

 

00:31:44:05 – 00:31:47:27

Jimmy Durbin

But that’s part of the polarity that Brad was talking about, right? Like, and I get that, that.

 

00:31:48:14 – 00:31:50:19

Jason Baker

Well, and I can’t I can’t do that when.

 

00:31:50:19 – 00:31:51:20

Speaker 1

I’m at work or on the job.

 

00:31:51:20 – 00:31:53:28

Jason Baker

Absolutely not. On the flip side of that, I can.

 

00:31:53:28 – 00:31:59:06

Speaker 1

Assure you that there is not an ambulance or fire truck or patrol car in this valley.

 

00:31:59:23 – 00:32:00:02

Jason Baker

That.

 

00:32:00:02 – 00:32:04:14

Speaker 1

Hasn’t been just full on bald in.

 

00:32:04:14 – 00:32:05:15

Jason Baker

You know, and I mean that.

 

00:32:05:16 – 00:32:17:23

Jimmy Durbin

Yeah, I know. So that’s what I also want to honor with you. I get the, you know, the hard back. I get the joking and and the lightness of it.

 

00:32:19:26 – 00:32:46:14

Jimmy Durbin

And I think as another man, I you give me implied permission to be tender and and to do that so that I don’t have to keep up with that facade. Right. And so I think for me, that’s what I love about the Alpha column is us helping each other as men to have that soft front and a hard back that it’s okay to be tender.

 

00:32:46:14 – 00:33:09:25

Jimmy Durbin

It’s okay to share those feelings and share those emotions and and do that on whatever spectrum is comfortable for that individual. Certainly, while also admitting that we cry and we have feelings and it’s hard and we go through fear because I think generally generationally, that’s not what we’ve taught men after men.

 

00:33:09:25 – 00:33:14:28

Jason Baker

And so yeah, yeah, I totally agree. You’ve got to have got to have the.

 

00:33:14:28 – 00:33:16:17

Speaker 1

Ability and it goes back to, you know, Brad’s call.

 

00:33:16:17 – 00:33:30:02

Jason Baker

Me bipolar and I didn’t say my father he was dancing around the polarity. Yeah, I heard bipolar say bye bye or try polar. I don’t know which one it was, but you know, you have to you have to be able to to open.

 

00:33:30:02 – 00:33:31:05

Speaker 1

Up and have that softness.

 

00:33:31:05 – 00:33:33:12

Jason Baker

And let that stuff out. You know, we’re.

 

00:33:33:13 – 00:33:33:28

Speaker 1

We’re just a.

 

00:33:33:28 – 00:33:37:22

Jason Baker

Container. If you get that container too full of pressure, you don’t want to be around.

 

00:33:37:22 – 00:33:38:26

Speaker 1

That because it’s going to explode.

 

00:33:38:26 – 00:33:41:13

Jason Baker

And that’s and I see that with with.

 

00:33:41:13 – 00:33:45:27

Speaker 1

Coworkers and and people, you know, guys that I grew up with and I watch that go.

 

00:33:46:10 – 00:33:48:26

Jason Baker

And it’s I think it’s they don’t have that.

 

00:33:48:26 – 00:33:49:14

Speaker 1

Release that.

 

00:33:49:23 – 00:33:50:08

Jason Baker

You have to.

 

00:33:50:08 – 00:33:51:14

Speaker 1

Understand yourself, figure.

 

00:33:51:14 – 00:33:52:11

Jason Baker

Out what your.

 

00:33:52:28 – 00:33:54:04

Speaker 1

Release is. We’re all different.

 

00:33:54:18 – 00:33:55:02

Jason Baker

And mine.

 

00:33:55:05 – 00:34:12:06

Speaker 1

Mine’s different at different times, you know. So sometimes I just need to go take a nap. Other times I need to go for a run, other times I need to get on my pony and go. Other times I need to go shoot something, you know? So sometimes I just need to be alone for a few days and other times that’s the worst thing for me.

 

00:34:12:06 – 00:34:21:23

Speaker 1

I need to go some, you know, grab the grab the kids and go play in the pool or the lake or, you know, take the kids fishing or just go hang out with the family.

 

00:34:23:04 – 00:34:38:22

Brad Singletary

That must have taken some finesse or some, you know, fine tuning over the years to do the self-care that you need with a large family. And just I mean, how does she respect that and how do you go about stating that need like, hey, I got to get away.

 

00:34:38:22 – 00:34:42:13

Speaker 1

You just got to be selfish, okay? I mean, some sometimes.

 

00:34:43:00 – 00:34:43:11

Jason Baker

Look.

 

00:34:43:11 – 00:34:48:17

Speaker 1

I need this now, you know, but you can’t play that card all the time. I mean, that’s not.

 

00:34:48:29 – 00:34:50:15

Jason Baker

That’s your that’s not fair.

 

00:34:51:02 – 00:34:53:22

Brad Singletary

But in case of an emergency, you pull that one out.

 

00:34:53:24 – 00:34:54:03

Jason Baker

Yeah.

 

00:34:54:19 – 00:34:56:26

Speaker 1

And, you know, she’s she’s understanding. She knows.

 

00:34:57:05 – 00:34:58:05

Jason Baker

And she could she.

 

00:34:58:05 – 00:35:00:19

Speaker 1

Can tell me. We’ve been together long enough. I mean, there’s not.

 

00:35:01:14 – 00:35:01:25

Jason Baker

It’s.

 

00:35:01:25 – 00:35:23:01

Speaker 1

Pretty hard for us not to know exactly what’s going on with the other. And, you know, she’s. Yeah, I couldn’t do without her, you know, it just it just wouldn’t happen. And I’m fortunate that she puts up with me and and is as loving and tender and as good of a woman as she is to to deal with me.

 

00:35:23:01 – 00:35:27:23

Speaker 1

Because, I mean, I got a lot of shortcomings. There’s there’s not enough time on this earth to go over all those.

 

00:35:28:14 – 00:35:52:10

Jimmy Durbin

But I’m interested to know how you came to that self-awareness. What was your process? How did that you just dropped a bomb of knowledge as far as what you need and what kind of avenues that you need, how did you learn that? Like was that did you have some insight as a teenager, adolescent, like young man, like help?

 

00:35:52:18 – 00:35:53:28

Jason Baker

I think just.

 

00:35:54:05 – 00:35:54:20

Speaker 1

As I was.

 

00:35:54:20 – 00:35:55:07

Jason Baker

Growing up.

 

00:35:55:07 – 00:35:56:08

Speaker 1

I seen.

 

00:35:56:21 – 00:35:57:25

Jason Baker

A lot of things. My my.

 

00:35:57:25 – 00:35:58:07

Speaker 1

Dad was a.

 

00:35:58:07 – 00:36:01:07

Jason Baker

Fireman. One of the one of the things I.

 

00:36:01:07 – 00:36:03:24

Speaker 1

Remember as a kid. And we were up in the Salt Lake Valley.

 

00:36:04:11 – 00:36:07:08

Jason Baker

I mean, I, I couldn’t have been very old.

 

00:36:07:08 – 00:36:14:11

Speaker 1

I remember standing on the front seat of the fire truck, leaning up on the dash, and we were up on the freeway. And I remember.

 

00:36:15:02 – 00:36:16:03

Jason Baker

Him with.

 

00:36:16:03 – 00:36:29:10

Speaker 1

An officer pulling a couple of people out of a car and putting them up, and then they pulled a body out of the car. And I mean, my my first my first dead body was five or six years old. And I think realizing the mortality of us.

 

00:36:29:25 – 00:36:31:14

Jason Baker

Along with watching.

 

00:36:32:08 – 00:36:42:09

Speaker 1

You know, my dad and these these guys being aware of what’s going on and watching them cry, watching them deal with those things and realizing that.

 

00:36:43:09 – 00:36:46:14

Jason Baker

You know, it’s okay. You know.

 

00:36:46:27 – 00:36:54:07

Speaker 1

When when you have someone who’s, you know, sharing something with you that that’s meaningful meaning to them.

 

00:36:54:07 – 00:36:56:07

Jason Baker

You can tell, you know, in their.

 

00:36:56:07 – 00:36:59:17

Speaker 1

Eyes and in their in their heart what they’re portraying to you.

 

00:37:00:07 – 00:37:00:20

Jason Baker

And.

 

00:37:00:25 – 00:37:02:16

Speaker 1

And those things. I think it’s.

 

00:37:03:05 – 00:37:05:00

Jason Baker

You know, and I hate I try like.

 

00:37:05:14 – 00:37:11:09

Speaker 1

All kinds of get out, not let my wife or kids see me cry or tear up. I just I don’t like that still. But.

 

00:37:12:09 – 00:37:13:27

Jason Baker

You know, the the ability to.

 

00:37:14:22 – 00:37:18:00

Speaker 1

I guess I’m fallen off the subject, but it’s.

 

00:37:18:01 – 00:37:19:22

Jason Baker

It’s been a lifelong.

 

00:37:21:05 – 00:37:24:23

Speaker 1

Thing of paying attention and watching other people explode, watching.

 

00:37:25:04 – 00:37:25:21

Jason Baker

You. I’ve had a lot of.

 

00:37:25:21 – 00:37:34:01

Speaker 1

Friends that not a lot. I’ve had a few friends that have, you know, ended their lives early, whether it’s alcohol or whether it’s, you know, coming back from war.

 

00:37:34:13 – 00:37:35:00

Jason Baker

And I.

 

00:37:35:00 – 00:37:38:22

Speaker 1

Watched a couple of my buddies come back from from Desert Storm that were never the same.

 

00:37:39:03 – 00:37:39:15

Jason Baker

Because.

 

00:37:39:15 – 00:37:42:26

Speaker 1

They didn’t have a way to cope with what they’d seen and done.

 

00:37:43:19 – 00:37:47:12

Jason Baker

And I, I guess I’ve been able.

 

00:37:47:12 – 00:37:49:00

Speaker 1

To take a step back from that. Okay.

 

00:37:49:01 – 00:37:50:12

Jason Baker

How do I how.

 

00:37:50:12 – 00:37:54:05

Speaker 1

Do I avoid that? How do I not have these problems?

 

00:37:54:25 – 00:37:55:27

Jason Baker

And I don’t.

 

00:37:55:27 – 00:38:01:17

Speaker 1

Know that I don’t I mean, I could probably spend some time with both of you guys and.

 

00:38:02:12 – 00:38:03:15

Jason Baker

You definitely want to.

 

00:38:03:19 – 00:38:04:12

Brad Singletary

Jim is better.

 

00:38:04:12 – 00:38:05:24

Speaker 1

He’s in a rubber room.

 

00:38:05:24 – 00:38:07:10

Brad Singletary

He’s better. That stuff than me.

 

00:38:07:18 – 00:38:11:16

Jason Baker

You know, I think that you have to.

 

00:38:11:16 – 00:38:19:21

Speaker 1

Absorb it in the moment and then kind of let it go and be able to step away from it. You’ll never forget it. But you can’t. You can’t dwell on it.

 

00:38:20:19 – 00:38:21:01

Jason Baker

You know.

 

00:38:21:17 – 00:38:28:02

Jimmy Durbin

So from an early age, you’re able to kind of watch your dad and be around other men expressing, Yeah.

 

00:38:28:19 – 00:38:33:18

Jason Baker

I think so. You know, and I guess that’s you know, that was.

 

00:38:33:21 – 00:38:35:07

Speaker 1

Probably my first recollection.

 

00:38:35:09 – 00:38:38:06

Jason Baker

Of that. That’s and I and I brought I bring that up to him.

 

00:38:38:17 – 00:38:40:07

Speaker 1

Actually I brought up to him a few years ago.

 

00:38:40:23 – 00:38:42:09

Jason Baker

And he he had to.

 

00:38:42:09 – 00:38:50:22

Speaker 1

Think for a minute because he didn’t remember. And then it was like, oh, my gosh, you were there. You know, you were what was I doing?

 

00:38:50:27 – 00:38:53:12

Jason Baker

Having my you know.

 

00:38:53:22 – 00:38:56:02

Speaker 1

So I probably put him on a guilt trip for that.

 

00:38:56:02 – 00:39:19:20

Jimmy Durbin

But no, I think that’s beautiful. That but I didn’t have that experience and I, I’d actually invite you to step into I again implied permission because my dad never cried. Then I thought something was wrong or I was broken or I was weak, or I lacked moral fortitude. Or because men don’t cry and you’re having this experience seeing that happened.

 

00:39:19:20 – 00:39:24:00

Jimmy Durbin

So that doesn’t necessarily become your perceived reality. Yeah. And.

 

00:39:25:02 – 00:39:30:10

Jason Baker

And I mean, you know, you don’t have to cry to let it out, but sometimes it helps.

 

00:39:31:06 – 00:39:38:08

Brad Singletary

I’m curious why you said and how serious you were and why you say you don’t like your kids or wife to see you cry.

 

00:39:38:08 – 00:39:48:00

Jason Baker

Is that. I just I just I think that’s just old school thinking. I try and be the tough guy. You know, I.

 

00:39:48:00 – 00:39:49:15

Speaker 1

I guess that’s my own.

 

00:39:50:18 – 00:39:51:13

Jason Baker

I don’t know what.

 

00:39:51:13 – 00:39:52:00

Speaker 1

The word is.

 

00:39:52:04 – 00:39:52:24

Jason Baker

Though. Ego.

 

00:39:52:24 – 00:39:53:08

Speaker 1

There we go.

 

00:39:53:15 – 00:39:56:20

Jason Baker

My own ego, my own fault. Front, you know.

 

00:39:56:20 – 00:40:20:14

Brad Singletary

I wonder sometimes if there isn’t you know, I hear a lot about I’m I’m in a place right now where I’m just watching people. I’m just really kind of studying men and young men. And I’m trying to find what is the healthy balance between allowing yourself to feel and fully experience it and fully express it in fully whatever it is, whether it’s anger or fear or sadness or any of that stuff.

 

00:40:20:26 – 00:40:46:15

Brad Singletary

And pulling up your pants and getting, you know, put your boots on and get going. Like I, I believe that sometimes if I, I have the tendency maybe to wallow in my feelings. So maybe if everything’s on a continuum, you got the guy who, who can refuses to ever say that he has sadness or any feelings or fear, and he doesn’t ever express it for sure.

 

00:40:46:15 – 00:41:07:11

Brad Singletary

And he’s completely kind of locked out of it. And then you’ve got the guy whose, you know, he he can’t control. He has no control at all. But he allows himself to feel it. Maybe someone there in the middle or at times in order to provide for your family and to work as a public servant. But you’re saying I have to shut that down?

 

00:41:07:12 – 00:41:32:22

Brad Singletary

I can’t be emotional. In fact, one of my favorite little quips that I use with my clients is, Hey, man, you need to get into your inner paramedic in this case. And they’re like, What? And I’m like, Well, imagine you come up on a on a on a scene. You know, you come up on something, you better keep your breath slow and keep your heart slow and look around you and just kind of see what’s happening in and use your brain and and not really.

 

00:41:34:12 – 00:41:34:22

Jason Baker

Be.

 

00:41:34:22 – 00:41:41:14

Brad Singletary

Overly reactive with emotion. And so I don’t know where I’m going with that. I just because that sounds.

 

00:41:41:14 – 00:41:44:02

Jason Baker

Like you’re saying, you watch the chaos and and where.

 

00:41:44:02 – 00:41:52:28

Speaker 1

Do you find chaos with the yelling and the screaming and the gnashing? The teeth ripping the clothes is chaos. When people are screaming back and forth, it’s chaos. If you can come in and be calm.

 

00:41:53:13 – 00:41:54:17

Jason Baker

Say, hey, look, this is what we’re going.

 

00:41:54:17 – 00:41:57:19

Speaker 1

To do, this how we’re going to take care of this. You need to do this and you need to do this.

 

00:41:58:00 – 00:42:00:11

Jason Baker

And explain and not.

 

00:42:00:24 – 00:42:02:02

Speaker 1

I mean. Sometimes you have to shout.

 

00:42:02:02 – 00:42:03:29

Jason Baker

But you have to be in.

 

00:42:03:29 – 00:42:24:17

Speaker 1

Control of your facilities. You have to be able to maintain that thought because your brain’s your biggest tool. Your body’s just kind of there as an accessory now, you know, and that’s dealing with your family, your wife and kids. And every, you know, in every aspect, you have to be able to think things through in order to, you know, what’s your end goal?

 

00:42:24:17 – 00:42:26:26

Speaker 1

How do I get there? Take a second.

 

00:42:27:02 – 00:42:27:11

Jason Baker

You know.

 

00:42:27:15 – 00:42:36:17

Speaker 1

If we lose lose control of that facility, now we’re we’re just a wild, wild card in the wind going on. What’s making the problem worse?

 

00:42:36:17 – 00:43:17:09

Jimmy Durbin

Well, you talked about polarity, polarity, right? And so I remember hearing an interview of a teacher with the shootings that just happened this week, and she got choked up and she was what she basically said was, I’m feeling a certain way in the classroom and I don’t want to show these kids this emotion like I need to. And I thought that’s maybe but also because of the polarity, I need to be able to show my kids that it’s okay, that I cry, it’s okay to have these emotions because then they get to see the other side of that.

 

00:43:17:09 – 00:43:39:05

Jimmy Durbin

Certainly that here’s a teacher who feel sad and feels a certain way and it’s so she’s giving her self permission to do that for her own healing, but also to show these kids that they can do the same. It’s because if we keep showing like all men don’t cry, we pass all the way around. We’ve got to inner paramedic, like then there’s no room for anything else or at least to have that discussion.

 

00:43:39:05 – 00:43:43:28

Jimmy Durbin

I think that’s part of the challenge we have with men today and that teaching certainly.

 

00:43:44:06 – 00:43:47:05

Jason Baker

You know, and everything in moderation, you know.

 

00:43:47:05 – 00:43:54:26

Speaker 1

It’s okay to cry, but it’s not okay to balance at the corner. You still have to function. I mean, at times you’re going to need a it in the corner.

 

00:43:55:05 – 00:43:56:25

Jason Baker

But you know, like with.

 

00:43:57:25 – 00:44:02:11

Speaker 1

With that situation when you’re under that pressure, you still have to perform. You still have to.

 

00:44:02:11 – 00:44:02:21

Jason Baker

Be.

 

00:44:03:05 – 00:44:17:15

Speaker 1

The shepherd of those children. You have to let them know that we’re we’re going to do this and have a plan. And it sounds like she did. And I didn’t hear the interview, but that’s that’s to me. That’s great. She nailed it. There’s there’s your alpha right there.

 

00:44:17:23 – 00:44:39:23

Brad Singletary

One of the words that I guess comes to mind is regulation, you know, and that doesn’t mean avoidance. That doesn’t mean, you know, hit the gas. That means you’re it’s it’s regulated. And I think to allow or so that’s what I was getting that I guess is maybe that’s the the real middle ground between stuff in it because that sounds so negative and it doesn’t really do any good and whatever.

 

00:44:40:03 – 00:44:59:01

Brad Singletary

But in some moments you have to distance yourself from your emotional mind. You know, it kind of and merge more toward the rational, but regulate maybe is the word. So that’s what you’re doing. You’re saying I can be. I don’t like my kids to see me cry. But Dave, I’m sure have. And you should.

 

00:44:59:10 – 00:45:00:18

Jason Baker

Certainly have them. We you know.

 

00:45:00:18 – 00:45:02:26

Speaker 1

We’ve tried together and, you know, whether it’s.

 

00:45:03:29 – 00:45:14:13

Jason Baker

You know, funeral or losing a ballgame or what but, you know, I think that the the.

 

00:45:14:13 – 00:45:20:08

Speaker 1

The exponential effects of those I try to think of the word don’t don’t overdo it.

 

00:45:20:23 – 00:45:21:06

Jason Baker

You know.

 

00:45:21:06 – 00:45:28:20

Speaker 1

It doesn’t do you any good to scream and yell at the top of your lungs. I guess once in a while.

 

00:45:29:03 – 00:45:29:22

Jason Baker

You know, that rare.

 

00:45:29:22 – 00:45:30:16

Speaker 1

Occasion, let it out.

 

00:45:30:16 – 00:45:32:21

Jason Baker

But we have to be in control of our.

 

00:45:33:08 – 00:45:37:28

Speaker 1

Of our facilities and our our emotional state, not to break things or.

 

00:45:38:13 – 00:45:41:12

Jason Baker

You know, I guess I don’t know.

 

00:45:41:18 – 00:46:14:11

Brad Singletary

I think you’re right. Yeah, I think I think that’s I don’t know. I was just kind of doing some like in in real life processing right there because I like when you say sometimes you got to suck it up, but taken too far, that becomes what they talk about is kind of the toxic masculinity. But there is a there is sometimes denial has a survival value or, you know, sometimes you have to shut that down, put it put it somewhere else for a for a time and do what you have to do, especially when you’re dealing with other people’s safety.

 

00:46:14:11 – 00:46:14:29

Brad Singletary

Now, that’s it.

 

00:46:15:05 – 00:46:17:06

Jason Baker

Other people or even yours, you know? Yeah.

 

00:46:17:06 – 00:46:24:16

Brad Singletary

You walk up on a scene, you got a situation and you’re out there and you have to this. That is not the time to.

 

00:46:24:16 – 00:46:28:01

Jason Baker

Be Sherlock Holmes. You’ve seen the movie Sherlock Holmes with.

 

00:46:28:01 – 00:46:37:22

Speaker 1

Watson every day. Every time he does something goes in slow motion. So I’m going to do this, what’s going to happen? And that’s how you that’s how we solved this problem.

 

00:46:38:03 – 00:46:46:26

Jason Baker

And our our brains, we have the ability to do that. We have the ability to slow things down in our head and. Okay.

 

00:46:47:04 – 00:46:49:18

Speaker 1

That’s a bad idea. Okay. Okay, let’s do it this way.

 

00:46:50:00 – 00:46:52:00

Jason Baker

And I’ve I’ve found that in.

 

00:46:52:00 – 00:47:04:05

Speaker 1

Some driving circumstances. I found that in the, you know, at times, you know, in in a burning building, that you have to think and you have a second and even it’s not a second, but in your mind, you.

 

00:47:04:05 – 00:47:05:00

Jason Baker

Can slow that down.

 

00:47:05:11 – 00:47:17:11

Speaker 1

Process those things, and then and then make your choices. And I think that that’s a part of our fight or flight mechanism. We have that. But when we when we choose to fight.

 

00:47:18:06 – 00:47:19:02

Jason Baker

We still have a.

 

00:47:19:02 – 00:47:29:00

Speaker 1

Moment to decide how we’re going to fight and what we’re going to fight with. But when that fight is over, we need to be able to get get rid of that animal.

 

00:47:29:00 – 00:47:29:09

Jason Baker

And.

 

00:47:30:12 – 00:47:34:12

Speaker 1

And recover, if you will, from the stress of it.

 

00:47:34:12 – 00:47:39:00

Brad Singletary

I thought I was just going to have you in because you’re kind of good looking. But, man, I didn’t know you had all this wisdom.

 

00:47:39:23 – 00:47:41:17

Jason Baker

Well, if I could tell you, make sure you.

 

00:47:42:06 – 00:47:51:13

Brad Singletary

I just my dad says, you know, you got to be 40 years old to be a man. Well, we got a seasoned man here who’s just like, I don’t know. It’s just amazing to.

 

00:47:51:13 – 00:47:52:12

Speaker 1

Hear 75 year.

 

00:47:52:12 – 00:48:12:26

Brad Singletary

Old. It’s amazing to hear what your what you’re sharing right now, like what life has taught you. It’s pretty awesome. I like how you were talking before about your your fire buddies, you know, and I don’t know if you have friendships outside of like coworkers and stuff. Those are particularly people that you’ve bonded.

 

00:48:12:27 – 00:48:16:00

Jason Baker

We we have kind of a tight clique.

 

00:48:16:21 – 00:48:18:10

Speaker 1

I’ve got guys that I talked to.

 

00:48:18:18 – 00:48:18:27

Jason Baker

You know.

 

00:48:18:27 – 00:48:22:15

Speaker 1

Once or twice a year that I worked with for three or four years that.

 

00:48:22:15 – 00:48:23:09

Jason Baker

You know, I could.

 

00:48:23:09 – 00:48:26:09

Speaker 1

Call them right now and they’d be here, be here, pick me up, give me right where I want to go.

 

00:48:27:24 – 00:48:31:02

Jason Baker

We we share a lot.

 

00:48:31:02 – 00:48:34:01

Speaker 1

Of times, some God awful, terrible things.

 

00:48:34:29 – 00:48:35:13

Jason Baker

You know.

 

00:48:37:11 – 00:48:44:08

Speaker 1

From what people do to each other to what machinery does to people, to places that we find ourselves trapped in.

 

00:48:45:15 – 00:48:50:22

Jason Baker

And you develop that bond. And I think that, you know.

 

00:48:51:03 – 00:48:53:01

Speaker 1

Cops and firemen are weird.

 

00:48:53:18 – 00:48:55:07

Jason Baker

Like the military. You know.

 

00:48:55:07 – 00:49:06:17

Speaker 1

You find out once once you become a cop, most your friends are cops, you become a fireman. Most your friends are cops and firemen. Same with military, military guys because you can relate to each other and that stress.

 

00:49:07:16 – 00:49:12:25

Jason Baker

But to to have that ability and we.

 

00:49:13:03 – 00:49:15:00

Speaker 1

Should we bust each other’s balls hold.

 

00:49:15:03 – 00:49:17:02

Jason Baker

Boy and even.

 

00:49:17:02 – 00:49:21:10

Speaker 1

The girls you don’t have a set of all who pretend to do that to you because.

 

00:49:21:10 – 00:49:22:17

Jason Baker

You know, we don’t play.

 

00:49:22:17 – 00:49:22:29

Speaker 1

Because.

 

00:49:23:09 – 00:49:24:03

Jason Baker

We got to know how.

 

00:49:24:03 – 00:49:26:12

Speaker 1

We’re going to react in situations.

 

00:49:26:12 – 00:49:28:29

Jason Baker

And, you know, when we’re on call.

 

00:49:28:29 – 00:49:34:23

Speaker 1

And calls, do things, I mean, I’ve had to take guns from people I’ve taken I don’t know how many knives from people. I’ve had guns pointed at me.

 

00:49:36:08 – 00:49:37:05

Jason Baker

I’ve got to have.

 

00:49:37:27 – 00:49:39:13

Speaker 1

Knowledge that that guy with me.

 

00:49:40:05 – 00:49:41:02

Jason Baker

Or girl with me.

 

00:49:41:09 – 00:49:45:29

Speaker 1

And believe me, there’s many guys who can’t do it. His girls can’t do it as guys that can girls it can.

 

00:49:46:20 – 00:49:50:03

Jason Baker

But the the ability to.

 

00:49:50:03 – 00:49:51:11

Speaker 1

Communicate with out words.

 

00:49:51:28 – 00:49:52:06

Jason Baker

With.

 

00:49:52:06 – 00:50:13:22

Speaker 1

Tones, bodies, body positioning. You know, I got a guy I’ve been with for a long time. I’m thinking probably we were all together for about ten years, I think maybe more. And we come upstairs. His apartment went in. You know, we get called all the time, you know, panic alarm buttons. They’re real good about sending Mr. Burglar alarm.

 

00:50:13:22 – 00:50:25:25

Speaker 1

So we got an alarm here. It’s a medical alarm. It’s not a medical and it’s burglar alarm. Things of that nature. This we got a call from man down guy in the you know thing says it’s guys stuck in the tub.

 

00:50:26:03 – 00:50:26:15

Jason Baker

Okay.

 

00:50:27:01 – 00:50:29:19

Speaker 1

So we roll upstairs, we get there the front doors open that’s weird.

 

00:50:30:05 – 00:50:32:12

Jason Baker

Come around the corner here. Here he comes.

 

00:50:32:12 – 00:50:38:21

Speaker 1

Around the room and I got a 40 in my nose and can do where the light is. I can see the whole point in the barrel.

 

00:50:39:06 – 00:50:39:26

Jason Baker

Wow it.

 

00:50:39:26 – 00:50:40:08

Speaker 1

Is.

 

00:50:41:05 – 00:50:43:01

Jason Baker

And I holler at him, hey.

 

00:50:43:12 – 00:50:44:05

Speaker 1

Put the gun down.

 

00:50:44:15 – 00:50:45:00

Jason Baker

My partner.

 

00:50:45:00 – 00:51:02:20

Speaker 1

Who’s about steps behind me, immediately drops his bag and I hear him book it down the stairs because I know a couple things going on. We come into the house, you realized doors open. It’s weird he’s paying attention, he’s punching and he he mentioned it to me. That’s weird. And so now we’re heightened. He’s heightened since I said that he’s gone.

 

00:51:02:20 – 00:51:10:29

Speaker 1

He’s on the radio call for call for backup, calling for the police, you know, so and I can communicate to him. So there’s not two of us in there. You know.

 

00:51:11:10 – 00:51:12:02

Jason Baker

Fortunately.

 

00:51:12:18 – 00:51:15:10

Speaker 1

He turned his head and we fell down, broke his table, and he lost his gun.

 

00:51:15:10 – 00:51:20:26

Jason Baker

But it worked out okay. You know, we finally got it handled, but we were able.

 

00:51:20:26 – 00:51:22:02

Speaker 1

To have that communication.

 

00:51:22:20 – 00:51:23:07

Jason Baker

To where.

 

00:51:23:10 – 00:51:26:20

Speaker 1

We didn’t both get stuck in there to where one of us was able to get out.

 

00:51:27:14 – 00:51:28:16

Jason Baker

And, you know.

 

00:51:28:16 – 00:51:38:00

Speaker 1

Call for help, you know, but nine times out of ten, you know, we don’t we don’t have the luxury of waiting and something like that. So we we.

 

00:51:38:00 – 00:51:40:04

Jason Baker

Do.

 

00:51:40:04 – 00:51:49:25

Brad Singletary

Good night. That gives me anxiety listening to that story, just hearing it, I can’t imagine being there. You mentioned, though, you said I was heightened and he was heightened. Tell me what you mean there.

 

00:51:50:25 – 00:51:52:08

Speaker 1

It’s your spidey sense, man.

 

00:51:52:26 – 00:51:56:10

Jason Baker

You know, when you when you go somewhere and you’re.

 

00:51:57:12 – 00:52:01:09

Speaker 1

Talking to somebody, you meet somebody for the first time. Your general impression of them.

 

00:52:01:29 – 00:52:04:22

Jason Baker

You find somebody, you’re like something. No.

 

00:52:05:21 – 00:52:09:24

Speaker 1

I’m not getting the whole story here. You know, my wife’s terrible. I shouldn’t say terrible.

 

00:52:10:14 – 00:52:11:04

Jason Baker

One of the best.

 

00:52:11:04 – 00:52:13:13

Speaker 1

Compliments I can give a person is they’re no good.

 

00:52:13:27 – 00:52:18:05

Jason Baker

So my my wife is. Is is a king.

 

00:52:18:07 – 00:52:27:07

Speaker 1

Of Spidey senses. She can walk by somebody, meet somebody one time and tell you their soul is dark. They’re no good. They’re going to be a problem.

 

00:52:27:19 – 00:52:29:03

Jason Baker

And she don’t to I said.

 

00:52:29:03 – 00:52:31:19

Speaker 1

This but she is right 110% like.

 

00:52:31:19 – 00:52:34:27

Brad Singletary

My wife to males super like male sensitive to that stuff.

 

00:52:34:27 – 00:52:35:25

Speaker 1

Yeah nails it.

 

00:52:36:03 – 00:52:44:09

Jason Baker

And you know I’m not that good but you know I find that you know again trying to keep a.

 

00:52:44:09 – 00:52:46:15

Speaker 1

Clear head, use your mind because.

 

00:52:46:26 – 00:52:47:21

Jason Baker

Things don’t add up.

 

00:52:47:21 – 00:53:07:05

Speaker 1

There’s a reason you’re not getting the full story. You’re not seeing the big picture. You don’t get focused in on these things here. Look at look at what’s going on around you. And that’s that’s how we get out of those situations. You know, we find that that loophole that’s going to let us through, dude.

 

00:53:07:05 – 00:53:30:03

Brad Singletary

So I’m curious about those kinds of partnerships or friendships or connections or communication just in real life outside of work. Obviously, that’s for survival. That’s for the communities interest to kind of be that way, to have this training and this this rapport with your team, you know, that you really can feel each other and know what’s going on when it comes to, you know, I mean, parenting stuff.

 

00:53:30:03 – 00:53:38:21

Brad Singletary

Again, you’re you’re you’re like personal problems. Do you have people around you? Is it the same guys? Do you talk about these things at work when there’s not a call.

 

00:53:39:07 – 00:53:41:27

Jason Baker

Or is it like who is your.

 

00:53:42:12 – 00:53:48:08

Brad Singletary

Confidant type level people when it comes to, I don’t know, just the bullshit of life that you got.

 

00:53:48:08 – 00:53:50:08

Jason Baker

To deal with. We we certainly talk about.

 

00:53:50:08 – 00:53:55:07

Speaker 1

It at work. And it’s funny because you know what? We all got the same problems. We’re all married to the same woman on some.

 

00:53:56:02 – 00:53:57:22

Jason Baker

I think. And we we are all married.

 

00:53:57:22 – 00:54:00:02

Speaker 1

To the same woman on on some.

 

00:54:00:02 – 00:54:03:04

Jason Baker

Level. We, we come home, you know.

 

00:54:03:16 – 00:54:04:20

Speaker 1

For us, you know.

 

00:54:04:20 – 00:54:06:28

Jason Baker

We’re gone a long time. We come home. Hey, why.

 

00:54:06:28 – 00:54:21:20

Speaker 1

Isn’t this done? You know, I’ve been gone for three days. What the heck have you been doing? And we all get the same response and that the girls figure this out. We’re not that we’re not complicated. I mean, you need a fit. We need we need food and sex and told to be shut. Told to shut up. That’s that’s what we need.

 

00:54:22:08 – 00:54:23:25

Jason Baker

And, you know, that’ll.

 

00:54:24:02 – 00:54:25:03

Speaker 1

Keep most men happy.

 

00:54:25:20 – 00:54:27:18

Jason Baker

Then we’re not that complicated now.

 

00:54:28:02 – 00:54:29:16

Speaker 1

And sometimes not in that order.

 

00:54:30:03 – 00:54:35:19

Jason Baker

But you know, we we do hang out. And even even.

 

00:54:35:19 – 00:54:37:10

Speaker 1

The guys that, you know, I’m.

 

00:54:37:10 – 00:54:37:18

Jason Baker

Not.

 

00:54:37:29 – 00:54:38:16

Speaker 1

Real close.

 

00:54:38:16 – 00:54:38:25

Jason Baker

With.

 

00:54:39:03 – 00:54:48:20

Speaker 1

I know that, you know, we can talk to them, a lot of them where I’m at my my ward, at my church, there’s there’s probably oh, but I’ll bet there’s.

 

00:54:48:29 – 00:54:49:02

Jason Baker

I.

 

00:54:49:07 – 00:54:52:06

Speaker 1

Bet there’s 40 men that are cops or firemen in my ward.

 

00:54:52:25 – 00:54:53:06

Jason Baker

That.

 

00:54:54:06 – 00:55:05:21

Speaker 1

We can all relate to each other. We all talk and they don’t have to be cops or firemen, you know, just just having somebody there that, you know, in your situation shares, your shares, your beliefs, shares your.

 

00:55:06:00 – 00:55:06:07

Jason Baker

You know.

 

00:55:06:10 – 00:55:14:27

Speaker 1

Out there, we’re we’re a smaller community. We all got the same ideas. We want to be left alone. We want to thrive. You know, we’re going to enjoy. So.

 

00:55:16:05 – 00:55:16:15

Jason Baker

You know.

 

00:55:16:19 – 00:55:17:26

Speaker 1

Bouncing those things off.

 

00:55:17:26 – 00:55:18:25

Jason Baker

And I’m a I’m.

 

00:55:18:25 – 00:55:21:25

Speaker 1

A pretty chatty, open person. I’m not scared to grab somebody up in the rear.

 

00:55:22:10 – 00:55:22:23

Jason Baker

And.

 

00:55:22:28 – 00:55:27:04

Speaker 1

Try and listen to what they have to say. And, you know, I’m cocky enough all straighten amount if they’re wrong.

 

00:55:27:18 – 00:55:32:10

Brad Singletary

Do people come to you? I mean, you’ve got to be, you know, 50 year old firefighter, more than.

 

00:55:32:10 – 00:55:33:25

Speaker 1

One look at me like who? What is this.

 

00:55:33:25 – 00:55:37:05

Jason Baker

Fat knucklehead doing when he needs to go?

 

00:55:38:14 – 00:55:56:28

Brad Singletary

No, I just wonder if people kind of lean on you that way. And I mean, my own son did that recently. I put a I put a post on Facebook and said, hey, my son is looking to get into a into an EMT program. Anybody have experience with that? And Jason did a little gesture and raise his hand or whatever and said, you forget about my dog.

 

00:55:56:28 – 00:56:11:03

Brad Singletary

Well, yeah. So my son actually called you and you guys had a good conversation, but when what’s your experience with that? Other people asking you things or wanting you to mentor them through a certain decision?

 

00:56:11:03 – 00:56:11:18

Jason Baker

Well, I.

 

00:56:11:18 – 00:56:21:09

Speaker 1

Think that’s a part of my life. I’m kind of approaching where I’m looked at, where I’m long enough in the tooth that I ought to be have some kind of advice to to pick from.

 

00:56:21:09 – 00:56:22:02

Jason Baker

You know, obviously.

 

00:56:22:02 – 00:56:31:24

Speaker 1

We we always try to go out and go out of our way for those things, both, you know, church wise or personal wise or work wise.

 

00:56:31:24 – 00:56:33:09

Jason Baker

I, I’ve, I’ve.

 

00:56:33:09 – 00:56:35:10

Speaker 1

Learned most my lessons in life from.

 

00:56:35:10 – 00:56:36:00

Jason Baker

Doing it wrong.

 

00:56:37:16 – 00:56:43:26

Speaker 1

A school of hard knocks was, you know, the easy way. That’s why I should have taken. Because the way I took, I’m sure, was worse than that.

 

00:56:44:19 – 00:56:46:15

Jason Baker

But, you know, I.

 

00:56:46:15 – 00:56:49:15

Speaker 1

Think share in those things and share those experiences and just just be involved with people.

 

00:56:49:15 – 00:56:51:18

Jason Baker

I mean, I know I’m a.

 

00:56:51:18 – 00:56:53:27

Speaker 1

Very pretty man and I look very successful. I mean, I.

 

00:56:53:27 – 00:57:00:19

Jason Baker

Should probably be pretty bad. You know, he’s right. No, I’m not, man. You got I don’t know.

 

00:57:00:19 – 00:57:01:12

Jimmy Durbin

He’s a pretty man.

 

00:57:01:27 – 00:57:07:23

Jason Baker

Your backside, your puppy’s a better look. But, you know, do share those.

 

00:57:07:23 – 00:57:08:24

Speaker 1

Things, share your failures.

 

00:57:09:03 – 00:57:09:20

Jason Baker

You know, people can.

 

00:57:09:20 – 00:57:12:03

Speaker 1

Learn as much from your failures as if they did in themselves. Yeah.

 

00:57:12:04 – 00:57:14:14

Jason Baker

I mean, if they’ll listen, you know.

 

00:57:15:15 – 00:57:17:15

Speaker 1

Share your successes, share your failures and.

 

00:57:18:00 – 00:57:19:18

Jason Baker

You know, the the path I.

 

00:57:19:18 – 00:57:20:14

Speaker 1

Chose isn’t right for.

 

00:57:20:14 – 00:57:21:09

Jason Baker

Anybody but me.

 

00:57:22:11 – 00:57:26:18

Speaker 1

And it’s probably not all the way right for me. I know I screwed up somewhere.

 

00:57:26:18 – 00:57:28:13

Brad Singletary

Your wife was asking if we could get you straight.

 

00:57:28:13 – 00:57:37:01

Jason Baker

Yeah, I’m sure she did. She did give you a list cause, you know, he’s pulling an up right now, but, uh, so if you could.

 

00:57:37:23 – 00:57:48:05

Jimmy Durbin

Talk to your 20 year old self, what are some nuggets that you would impart with the person that you were at the age 22?

 

00:57:48:05 – 00:57:53:13

Jason Baker

Man, that that.

 

00:57:53:13 – 00:57:54:16

Speaker 1

Is a hard question.

 

00:57:55:12 – 00:58:04:18

Jason Baker

Thank you. Yeah. You know, I, I think that even if I was telling my.

 

00:58:04:18 – 00:58:06:06

Speaker 1

20 year old self the answers.

 

00:58:06:06 – 00:58:07:00

Jimmy Durbin

You wouldn’t have listened.

 

00:58:07:00 – 00:58:08:29

Jason Baker

I wouldn’t have listened. I know that if you were to listen.

 

00:58:09:09 – 00:58:10:27

Speaker 1

You know, besides buy.

 

00:58:10:27 – 00:58:12:29

Jason Baker

Land, don’t buy that cheap crap.

 

00:58:12:29 – 00:58:15:12

Speaker 1

Out in the desert. Because, you know, my grandfather told me that.

 

00:58:15:27 – 00:58:21:10

Jason Baker

If you ever have an extra dollar, go buy dirt. Because you know what? They ain’t making any more of dirt. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You know.

 

00:58:21:25 – 00:58:28:07

Speaker 1

And you know, obviously, you know, Apple stock would have been good in the seventies or eighties would have been amazing.

 

00:58:28:23 – 00:58:35:05

Jason Baker

But, you know, the lessons that I’ve learned, I think I had to learn the way I did. You know, I could I can.

 

00:58:35:05 – 00:58:36:22

Speaker 1

Tell my 21 year old self.

 

00:58:36:22 – 00:58:38:22

Jason Baker

All day long, you know, hey.

 

00:58:39:04 – 00:58:43:15

Speaker 1

Don’t sell that car. That’s that was that would be one of the things. Don’t sell your Chevelle.

 

00:58:43:18 – 00:58:51:17

Jason Baker

Don’t don’t do that. But I think that for for me, I had to.

 

00:58:51:17 – 00:59:03:02

Speaker 1

Learn the hard way. You know, I’ve always kind of not really listened to anybody else. Ah, research and all figured out. But I was hardheaded enough that.

 

00:59:04:09 – 00:59:04:25

Jason Baker

You know, you.

 

00:59:04:25 – 00:59:18:08

Speaker 1

Want to don’t be humble, listen to others. Don’t think you have all the answers because you never will. You might have some, and when you get married, you’ll find out those are wrong too.

 

00:59:18:08 – 00:59:20:02

Jimmy Durbin

But that’s wisdom right there.

 

00:59:20:04 – 00:59:21:00

Jason Baker

Serious. I mean.

 

00:59:21:27 – 00:59:31:07

Speaker 1

If you know momma and happy, nobody happy, I can I can fake it and we’ll get through it. But she ain’t faking it now. And eventually I’ll figure it out and I’ll be happy because I understand. Okay. You right?

 

00:59:31:07 – 00:59:31:17

Jason Baker

I know.

 

00:59:32:01 – 00:59:33:24

Speaker 1

Don’t don’t tell her I said that.

 

00:59:34:27 – 00:59:47:20

Brad Singletary

But so you’ve got this, you know, serious, wise, older, gentlemanly way about you. And you’ve also got that you’ve also got this nutty, like, playful. I mean, I’ve got some pictures of you doing, some I’m.

 

00:59:47:20 – 00:59:49:22

Speaker 1

Not known for my maturity also.

 

00:59:50:10 – 01:00:08:03

Brad Singletary

But you. Yes, you are. You are right now. It’s being recorded forever and ever. It’s going to be on 19 Web sites on Thursday. It’s going to be anyway. You do have you you’ve got you got that maturity. You got some wisdom. You’ve learned some things. You are you’re a magician in your career and that you can bring people to life.

 

01:00:08:09 – 01:00:11:18

Brad Singletary

Okay. You can do many miraculous.

 

01:00:11:27 – 01:00:12:27

Jason Baker

I’m half the man I.

 

01:00:12:27 – 01:00:13:16

Speaker 1

Thought I was.

 

01:00:13:22 – 01:00:27:09

Brad Singletary

You can just do miraculous things. And so part of that, I think, is your ability to be goofy and silly. So I’ve seen some pictures of you. I don’t know, a unicorn costume. What did I see before? I mean, just the wild.

 

01:00:27:09 – 01:00:35:06

Jason Baker

As I wear this thing. I’ve got a pink bunny suit on Christmas Story. That’s right. My kids. My kids hate that thing. I put that on. I, I will.

 

01:00:35:06 – 01:00:36:09

Speaker 1

Embarrass my daughters.

 

01:00:36:09 – 01:00:39:17

Jason Baker

To death. I have to get the picture of that little problem with that.

 

01:00:39:27 – 01:00:45:29

Brad Singletary

Yeah. Pink bunny suit, clown costume. What was it? Cousin Eddie. You know, Cousin.

 

01:00:45:29 – 01:00:49:11

Jason Baker

Eddie’s another good. It was for my my mother almost threw.

 

01:00:49:11 – 01:00:50:16

Speaker 1

Me out of her house and I did that.

 

01:00:50:16 – 01:00:55:06

Jason Baker

I, I stripped down to my underwear and wouldn’t put on one of her robes. And we were camping.

 

01:00:55:06 – 01:01:12:25

Speaker 1

Outside of her house. I think it was like Thanksgiving. And they had all we put all the Christmas decorations up Thanksgiving. And so I went out front, right in front of the manger scene, and I grabbed my my R.V. hose and her garden hose. And I stood out there with my my cousin Eddie hat. And in her bathrobe and in my in my shorts.

 

01:01:13:27 – 01:01:14:25

Jason Baker

She she was.

 

01:01:14:25 – 01:01:17:21

Speaker 1

Mortified as her neighbors drove by. It was it was fun.

 

01:01:18:11 – 01:01:21:09

Jason Baker

That was great. That’s that’s not me. But that looks.

 

01:01:21:09 – 01:01:22:08

Speaker 1

Like my money. Yes.

 

01:01:22:12 – 01:01:28:02

Jason Baker

He’s going to he’s using. I got around. I have been running suits.

 

01:01:28:15 – 01:01:31:02

Brad Singletary

So are you just trying to say you’re Playboys up?

 

01:01:31:15 – 01:01:35:23

Jason Baker

That’s right. I we my I think the best.

 

01:01:35:23 – 01:01:40:04

Speaker 1

Time I had of my buddies that we we went on the church history trip, LDS church history trip and.

 

01:01:40:24 – 01:01:41:07

Jason Baker

I put it.

 

01:01:41:07 – 01:01:45:06

Speaker 1

On one of the nights in the hotels. And I was running through the hotel.

 

01:01:45:21 – 01:01:46:29

Jason Baker

You know, because the kids are all.

 

01:01:47:14 – 01:01:56:25

Speaker 1

Getting ready for bed and whatever. We had to chase the boys, other girls rooms, the girls out of the boys rooms and so I went through and bounced on their beds and chased them all around the Brown Hotel. Punished on it.

 

01:01:57:25 – 01:01:58:14

Jason Baker

That’s great.

 

01:01:58:21 – 01:02:05:29

Brad Singletary

So what what is that about? I mean, are you just really goofy and immature now? Or do you know that there is a need for dads to be fun?

 

01:02:05:29 – 01:02:12:07

Jason Baker

Sometimes you got to have a good time. And I’ve never really been a fashion icon, you know? I mean, my my girls.

 

01:02:12:07 – 01:02:13:06

Speaker 1

Go crazy because I put.

 

01:02:13:06 – 01:02:13:24

Jason Baker

On my my.

 

01:02:14:02 – 01:02:15:00

Speaker 1

Hawaiian shirts or.

 

01:02:15:00 – 01:02:16:21

Jason Baker

My, you know, corduroy.

 

01:02:16:21 – 01:02:17:19

Speaker 1

Shorts or whatever.

 

01:02:17:20 – 01:02:18:22

Jason Baker

I don’t care.

 

01:02:18:22 – 01:02:22:27

Speaker 1

I wore socks with my freaking sandals because my feet hurt when I walk barefoot on carpet. So.

 

01:02:23:10 – 01:02:28:03

Jason Baker

I mean, I it is it is what it is. And I, I think that people need.

 

01:02:28:03 – 01:02:29:10

Speaker 1

To laugh and have some fun.

 

01:02:29:12 – 01:02:32:29

Jason Baker

Yeah. And I’m, you know, I’m confident.

 

01:02:32:29 – 01:02:36:12

Speaker 1

Enough of myself. I don’t care. You laugh at me. I’m fine.

 

01:02:36:12 – 01:02:36:23

Jason Baker

With that.

 

01:02:38:03 – 01:02:42:28

Speaker 1

My I love embarrassing my children. That is that is paramount for me.

 

01:02:43:16 – 01:02:44:05

Jason Baker

You know, my my.

 

01:02:44:05 – 01:02:50:19

Speaker 1

Daughter, she just turned 15. She’s had, you know, boy girl parties and whatever. And I make it a point to answer the door. When the boy show up.

 

01:02:51:00 – 01:02:51:14

Jason Baker

I’ll have.

 

01:02:51:24 – 01:02:59:19

Speaker 1

You know, a like a gun part in my hand. I could play our lower, you know, maybe, maybe like my pistol on my hip or something. There, you.

 

01:02:59:19 – 01:03:02:28

Jason Baker

Know, and they and she she’s just.

 

01:03:02:28 – 01:03:03:15

Speaker 1

Embarrassed.

 

01:03:03:24 – 01:03:17:16

Jason Baker

But I, you know, I’m that guy. You show up today, my daughter, we’re going to sit down while I clean my pistol and talk about what you’re going to do tonight. You know, I let him know I got a loader and a couple of acres here and we’re good. So and.

 

01:03:17:17 – 01:03:19:02

Brad Singletary

I know all the police in the valley and.

 

01:03:19:02 – 01:03:32:08

Jason Baker

So worried. Yeah, my cell phone’s out of town right now, texting people. So we’re golden leashes off, buddy, you know? So, I mean, but I mean, you got to be able to to have that.

 

01:03:32:20 – 01:03:35:26

Speaker 1

That fun and that that’s I think that’s part of my release. I mean, I.

 

01:03:36:16 – 01:03:39:13

Jason Baker

I, I enjoy, you know, my wife.

 

01:03:39:13 – 01:03:43:23

Speaker 1

Says I need too much attention and maybe that’s it. You know, it’s all about me.

 

01:03:44:17 – 01:03:46:21

Jimmy Durbin

So that has homes for me.

 

01:03:47:07 – 01:03:54:22

Brad Singletary

You’re, you’re are you got a so you got a household of ten people or have at one point I mean you’re you’re taking care it’s.

 

01:03:54:22 – 01:03:55:24

Jason Baker

It’s 11 now because I’ve got.

 

01:03:55:24 – 01:03:58:27

Speaker 1

A daughter in law when I through one through went out to Washington state and.

 

01:03:59:08 – 01:03:59:19

Jason Baker

The oldest.

 

01:03:59:19 – 01:04:04:09

Speaker 1

Lacey the oldest two are out living in Utah. So I’m down to seven.

 

01:04:04:16 – 01:04:10:20

Brad Singletary

But I wanted to ask about financially and I ain’t trying to get into your numbers or anything, but like, that’s got to be.

 

01:04:10:28 – 01:04:11:18

Jason Baker

It’s not cheap.

 

01:04:11:18 – 01:04:18:06

Brad Singletary

You got a big property. I know you make decent income as a, what, two decades as a fire? How long you been working in that.

 

01:04:18:06 – 01:04:21:15

Jason Baker

Kind of work? Yeah, little. Little over 20 years.

 

01:04:21:15 – 01:04:37:21

Brad Singletary

So you got a good income. But man, that’s a lot of that’s a lot of mouths to feed and stuff like that. I’m guessing that means you’re very intentional. I mean, how do you handle taking care of everybody on the money part? And again, just in generic in a generic sense, like how do you take care of the finance?

 

01:04:37:21 – 01:04:41:08

Jason Baker

You have to choose. We we’re pretty open with our kids.

 

01:04:41:08 – 01:04:41:27

Speaker 1

You know, this is.

 

01:04:42:07 – 01:04:42:14

Jason Baker

This.

 

01:04:42:14 – 01:04:42:22

Speaker 1

Is our.

 

01:04:42:22 – 01:04:45:03

Jason Baker

Budget, you know, your birthday. You’ve got.

 

01:04:45:04 – 01:04:45:21

Speaker 1

X amount of.

 

01:04:45:21 – 01:04:49:13

Jason Baker

Dollars. What do you want to do? You know.

 

01:04:49:18 – 01:04:57:29

Speaker 1

This is this is this is your budget. This is, you know, my my girls are in cheer. And that is a financial joke.

 

01:04:57:29 – 01:05:01:01

Jason Baker

But, you know, they know that’s expensive. And.

 

01:05:01:12 – 01:05:15:29

Speaker 1

You know, so, I mean, I have to save for it after we have to we have to plan for them. We all plan our vacations and family outings and stuff around that because I mean, that’s that’s a full time gig. Year round boys are so much easier don’t have girls.

 

01:05:15:29 – 01:05:17:03

Jason Baker

Do oh.

 

01:05:17:14 – 01:05:18:14

Brad Singletary

All boys. Six of.

 

01:05:18:14 – 01:05:19:29

Jason Baker

Them. Yeah. And you know and.

 

01:05:19:29 – 01:05:22:27

Speaker 1

When the girls start sinking up and that’s a whole nother program, but.

 

01:05:23:10 – 01:05:27:07

Jason Baker

The, uh, the financial aspect of things is Heidi.

 

01:05:27:07 – 01:05:32:11

Speaker 1

And I’ve always been able to communicate those things. And the she’s, she’s pretty good about.

 

01:05:32:25 – 01:05:33:13

Jason Baker

You know, not.

 

01:05:33:13 – 01:05:54:03

Speaker 1

Not blowing through money. I, on the other hand, have always got, you know, the horse or gun or something. I have to have. But she’s she’s she’s pretty good about managing that. You know, we have to pay attention to our food now. Food and fuel, you know, everything’s up exponentially. We still have to.

 

01:05:55:09 – 01:05:57:11

Jason Baker

You know, you have to plan, you know, you.

 

01:05:57:11 – 01:06:04:11

Speaker 1

Have to put some money away that you just don’t touch unless it’s an emergency. And if that emergency is is to your camp or mission funds or.

 

01:06:04:23 – 01:06:05:00

Jason Baker

You know.

 

01:06:05:00 – 01:06:09:10

Speaker 1

It is what it is. So, you know, and sometimes you do.

 

01:06:09:10 – 01:06:09:22

Jason Baker

Without.

 

01:06:10:11 – 01:06:15:00

Jimmy Durbin

Was your were your parents open with you?

 

01:06:15:00 – 01:06:19:25

Jason Baker

Kind of, I think. I mean, we knew we we knew we weren’t we.

 

01:06:19:25 – 01:06:21:28

Speaker 1

Weren’t rich by any means. I mean, my dad was a mailman.

 

01:06:21:28 – 01:06:22:07

Jason Baker

And a.

 

01:06:23:01 – 01:06:37:24

Speaker 1

A volunteer fireman. And then, you know, my mom, she went she decided that she needed to get a job later in life. And she ended up she went to job service looking for a job. And they hired her. So then she was a job placement specialist, like right out the gate.

 

01:06:37:24 – 01:06:44:12

Jason Baker

So we were we were okay. I mean, we weren’t we weren’t poor.

 

01:06:44:21 – 01:06:47:11

Speaker 1

But we were able to do things that we wanted to do.

 

01:06:47:11 – 01:07:03:16

Jimmy Durbin

And I mean, I appreciate that question that Brad asked, because I think that’s one thing we get sensitive about or it’s, you know, even the way Brad framed it, like, I want to get your business, but I think it’s it we don’t talk enough about that with either a children or a boys or sort of finances and the money.

 

01:07:03:16 – 01:07:06:02

Jimmy Durbin

And and it’s it’s good to share. That’s good. That’s good to.

 

01:07:06:03 – 01:07:07:00

Jason Baker

Know, you know, how.

 

01:07:07:00 – 01:07:08:01

Speaker 1

Much things cost.

 

01:07:08:15 – 01:07:09:02

Jason Baker

And that’s one thing.

 

01:07:09:03 – 01:07:16:10

Speaker 1

You know, we go on on vacation to even to the grocery store. I enjoy taking my kids with me to the grocery store because I say, hey, can we get this?

 

01:07:16:10 – 01:07:17:14

Jason Baker

And so, yeah, you know, let me let me.

 

01:07:17:14 – 01:07:18:13

Speaker 1

Show this to someone.

 

01:07:18:13 – 01:07:22:15

Jason Baker

Right? Well, especially lately, you know, their.

 

01:07:22:15 – 01:07:23:15

Speaker 1

Their favorite cereal or.

 

01:07:23:15 – 01:07:25:28

Jason Baker

Whatever, you know, hey, you know, if you want that, it costs as.

 

01:07:25:28 – 01:07:28:27

Speaker 1

Much or we can do this and get twice as much and.

 

01:07:28:27 – 01:07:30:11

Jason Baker

They they kind of punch.

 

01:07:30:11 – 01:07:35:22

Speaker 1

Into that and okay so maybe if I’m really good and do some George.

 

01:07:35:22 – 01:07:37:20

Jason Baker

Yeah. You know and so I think it.

 

01:07:37:20 – 01:08:04:26

Speaker 1

Teaches them a little bit of a, a work ethic or a value to things rather than everything’s just just handed to them. And I’m terrible and my parents were really good at that with me, but trying to, to, to balance those things out, I think is, is certainly hard. I got kids that I can’t I can’t talk about any kind of finances, whereas, okay, you know, we’re a little tight this month because it’ll be, oh, my gosh, I can’t I don’t want to turn on my light.

 

01:08:04:26 – 01:08:07:18

Jason Baker

I don’t want to, you know.

 

01:08:08:02 – 01:08:14:26

Speaker 1

So I mean, all my kids are different. Yeah. In that aspect, you know, some of my kids sit down and shown the numbers by the numbers and.

 

01:08:15:02 – 01:08:15:17

Jason Baker

Okay.

 

01:08:16:00 – 01:08:21:18

Speaker 1

And others, I just they can’t relate or comprehend it. So.

 

01:08:22:15 – 01:08:27:09

Jason Baker

You know, personalize it. Yeah.

 

01:08:27:09 – 01:08:54:27

Brad Singletary

Sorry. We’re just jumping around here to just before we wrap up. But I’m just so fascinated by your whole family when it comes to your relationship with your kids. Well, and your too, you’ve got limited time off in the part and you’ve got children with special needs. How do you handle time with wife and how do you handle time with like, you know, each kid I don’t know if you have even a brief little, you know, trip to the hardware store or whatever, just some kind of one on one, you and them.

 

01:08:54:27 – 01:08:58:08

Brad Singletary

I’ve seen pictures of that. But I wonder, how do you keep on top of that stuff?

 

01:08:58:08 – 01:09:00:12

Jason Baker

We try and do it with me.

 

01:09:00:12 – 01:09:04:00

Speaker 1

I try and take that when the opportunity, you know, presents itself.

 

01:09:04:08 – 01:09:05:20

Jason Baker

My My oldest.

 

01:09:06:13 – 01:09:16:16

Speaker 1

Boys, my oldest three, I really missed out on a lot. I really did because I was I was I was working too much. I was trying to go to school.

 

01:09:17:01 – 01:09:18:07

Jason Baker

And and work.

 

01:09:19:02 – 01:09:21:01

Speaker 1

So there was a time when I was working.

 

01:09:21:16 – 01:09:22:03

Jason Baker

At.

 

01:09:22:04 – 01:09:37:06

Speaker 1

A hospital for the fire department and I work for my in-laws fixing this heavy equipment on the side. And I’m working, you know, 56 hours a week at the fire department. I’m working 36 hours a week at the hospital. I’m working all day Saturday or whatever day I have.

 

01:09:37:06 – 01:09:41:01

Jason Baker

Off, you know, and that.

 

01:09:41:13 – 01:09:44:24

Speaker 1

That turns into dad’s home, you know, two nights a week.

 

01:09:46:00 – 01:09:46:21

Jason Baker

You know, you.

 

01:09:46:21 – 01:09:55:02

Speaker 1

Work, you start pushing that 100 hour a week and life comes, life goes by. And I missed.

 

01:09:55:02 – 01:09:55:28

Jason Baker

A lot.

 

01:09:56:15 – 01:10:00:01

Speaker 1

With my kids being younger, thinking that I needed to have that money to survive and.

 

01:10:00:01 – 01:10:00:19

Jason Baker

And, you know.

 

01:10:01:06 – 01:10:04:22

Speaker 1

It didn’t matter. You know, we could have we just survived without it.

 

01:10:05:28 – 01:10:06:09

Jason Baker

You know.

 

01:10:06:09 – 01:10:09:27

Jimmy Durbin

And that’s there’s a lesson for your 20 year old self.

 

01:10:09:29 – 01:10:14:08

Jason Baker

Yeah yeah. That because that’s that’s that’s time I can’t get back. That’s that’s that’s.

 

01:10:14:08 – 01:10:21:21

Speaker 1

One of my greatest regrets is working so damn much because I was I was I was burning the candle at both ends and lit.

 

01:10:21:21 – 01:10:23:07

Jason Baker

It in the middle. And I did that.

 

01:10:23:07 – 01:10:24:22

Speaker 1

For about five or six years.

 

01:10:25:20 – 01:10:26:28

Jason Baker

And that that was too much.

 

01:10:26:28 – 01:10:30:12

Speaker 1

And it almost costs our marriage. It it almost cost.

 

01:10:31:09 – 01:10:33:10

Jason Baker

You know, just just too much.

 

01:10:33:26 – 01:10:40:06

Speaker 1

And, you know, I was blessed to be able to come to come down here from where I was out, what I was doing to where I could still.

 

01:10:41:17 – 01:10:41:25

Jason Baker

You know.

 

01:10:42:00 – 01:10:43:26

Speaker 1

Make ends meet and still have that.

 

01:10:43:26 – 01:10:47:04

Jason Baker

Balance. And that that’s that’s.

 

01:10:47:04 – 01:10:49:26

Speaker 1

The thing is is balance. You know, it’s not about money. It’s not about.

 

01:10:50:13 – 01:10:51:17

Jason Baker

I cannot ever.

 

01:10:51:17 – 01:11:05:13

Speaker 1

Get that time back with my kids and my relationship with those boys suffered. And still to this day, I think it’s tougher. I mean, we’re good. You know, we get along, we do things and we have a lot of fun together. But, you know, those those times, those precious times when they’re small.

 

01:11:06:14 – 01:11:07:01

Jason Baker

Is.

 

01:11:07:19 – 01:11:12:02

Speaker 1

Is paramount, you know? And I got a little taste of that with our other kids, but.

 

01:11:12:17 – 01:11:13:05

Jason Baker

We even when.

 

01:11:13:05 – 01:11:15:16

Speaker 1

We adopted, we had four kids in diapers, for crying out.

 

01:11:15:16 – 01:11:16:23

Brad Singletary

Loud. Goodness, when.

 

01:11:16:23 – 01:11:23:12

Speaker 1

They’re all stacked up. And we had to and thought, we’re in over our heads. And we adopted two more and we thought, Oh.

 

01:11:24:23 – 01:11:25:22

Jason Baker

And me, I’m.

 

01:11:25:22 – 01:11:43:25

Speaker 1

Going to go work. I’ll see you in a couple about. But you know, be able to spend that time to sort of kids that’s so important. That’s I think I think it’s a 20 year old self that’s that’s got to be it spend their time with your kids enjoy more their young they’ll be teenagers don’t want to hang out and talk back to you soon enough.

 

01:11:45:26 – 01:11:48:05

Brad Singletary

Maybe that’s when you go work the extra hard hours.

 

01:11:48:16 – 01:11:56:05

Jason Baker

Well, I’ll tell you, they don’t get any cheaper. They. You think they’re expensive when they’re little, they get older. They just as a horn told from program.

 

01:11:56:05 – 01:11:57:18

Brad Singletary

Games get more expensive. Yep.

 

01:11:58:09 – 01:12:06:02

Jason Baker

Yep. Problems get bigger, you know, need a place to live, need a car, need a college, need and, you know.

 

01:12:06:05 – 01:12:07:03

Speaker 1

Help out where you can.

 

01:12:08:04 – 01:12:29:25

Brad Singletary

So I’ve got two more questions for you. Maybe I don’t know if you have anything to wrap up here, Jimi, but what is something that you want to improve that you’re still kind of working at and you you really like to master and get better with or something want to stop doing? I mean, what’s one thing out there that you really want to make a significant change in?

 

01:12:30:14 – 01:12:32:09

Jason Baker

I think for me, I am I.

 

01:12:32:09 – 01:12:33:10

Speaker 1

Am super jaded.

 

01:12:33:19 – 01:12:34:25

Jason Baker

On people.

 

01:12:35:12 – 01:12:38:09

Speaker 1

And society. I hate everybody the same.

 

01:12:38:10 – 01:12:39:18

Brad Singletary

Can’t imagine why. Hey, I.

 

01:12:39:18 – 01:12:39:25

Jason Baker

Hate.

 

01:12:39:25 – 01:12:40:27

Speaker 1

Everybody the same, you know.

 

01:12:42:06 – 01:12:52:11

Jason Baker

And it’s it’s it’s not any one particular people, but I really and I’m kind of getting on top of it. But there’s, there’s.

 

01:12:53:10 – 01:12:56:27

Speaker 1

There’s some time there where I just I hated people. I go to.

 

01:12:56:27 – 01:12:58:13

Jason Baker

Work, you know, and.

 

01:12:58:13 – 01:13:01:20

Speaker 1

I’d come home and I didn’t I didn’t want to go anywhere, do anything. Let’s let’s go.

 

01:13:01:20 – 01:13:02:22

Jason Baker

Away. Let’s go to.

 

01:13:02:22 – 01:13:07:12

Speaker 1

Mountains. Let’s go hide somewhere. I don’t want to be around people.

 

01:13:08:05 – 01:13:08:12

Jason Baker

I don’t.

 

01:13:08:12 – 01:13:17:20

Speaker 1

Trust them. I don’t like them. You know, aside from my people, you know, my family and never. But I think that’s something I need to do better with my career.

 

01:13:17:20 – 01:13:19:07

Brad Singletary

Did that is that your temperament?

 

01:13:19:07 – 01:13:20:28

Jason Baker

I think it’s a combination.

 

01:13:21:12 – 01:13:32:20

Speaker 1

I don’t think it’s any one thing. But my experience with, you know, being seeing the things that I see what people do to each other, see in the the abuse, the neglect.

 

01:13:32:27 – 01:13:35:03

Jason Baker

The the the frickin evil.

 

01:13:35:26 – 01:13:41:06

Speaker 1

That people will embody and do to each other is just.

 

01:13:43:13 – 01:13:44:06

Jason Baker

I think that.

 

01:13:44:21 – 01:13:52:05

Speaker 1

Probably 90, you know, 95% the population has no frickin clue what goes on. It happens in their neighborhoods.

 

01:13:53:21 – 01:13:56:24

Jason Baker

And it even happened, you.

 

01:13:56:24 – 01:13:58:00

Speaker 1

Know, it’s even in Happy Valley.

 

01:13:58:10 – 01:13:58:22

Jason Baker

Mhm.

 

01:13:59:24 – 01:14:23:07

Jimmy Durbin

But thank you for that. Feel like that was delivered just for me. And I work a lot with the human and sex trafficking and to hear someone who’s been in that type of environment 20 years, to remind someone who’s relatively young in that path of being mindful of that.

 

01:14:24:25 – 01:14:27:13

Speaker 1

It’s frickin heartbreaking. It is.

 

01:14:27:13 – 01:14:32:16

Jimmy Durbin

And it’s used all the words I would have I’ve used before. The evil. It’s the atrocities.

 

01:14:32:16 – 01:14:36:20

Jason Baker

Yeah. There’s no, you know, calling it anything other than that. It’s evil.

 

01:14:36:20 – 01:14:37:07

Speaker 1

And to see.

 

01:14:37:07 – 01:14:41:05

Jason Baker

What grown ass man will do to an infant.

 

01:14:42:18 – 01:14:46:05

Speaker 1

Be it sexual, be it violent.

 

01:14:46:05 – 01:14:46:28

Jason Baker

Let alone.

 

01:14:47:05 – 01:14:51:04

Speaker 1

What they’ll do to an adult or a teenager or an adolescent.

 

01:14:52:00 – 01:14:53:22

Jason Baker

But I.

 

01:14:55:00 – 01:14:56:12

Speaker 1

I know there’s a just God.

 

01:14:56:18 – 01:15:02:12

Jason Baker

And my my belief in God and my my.

 

01:15:02:27 – 01:15:16:21

Speaker 1

Belief system, my religion keeps me from killing those people. And I, I say that with as much conviction as I can tell you, because there’s people out there that that I have come across and I have been very close to.

 

01:15:16:29 – 01:15:17:10

Jason Baker

When.

 

01:15:18:03 – 01:15:24:12

Speaker 1

Very near after these things have been done and committed that I would really love to see a bolt of lightning. Just take.

 

01:15:24:12 – 01:15:24:15

Jason Baker

Them.

 

01:15:26:06 – 01:15:28:24

Speaker 1

I don’t think I want to kill them, but I would sure love to help them.

 

01:15:29:05 – 01:15:29:12

Jason Baker

Make.

 

01:15:29:12 – 01:15:30:12

Speaker 1

That meeting with Jesus.

 

01:15:31:17 – 01:15:45:14

Brad Singletary

You said you were kind of working on that and you were coming getting around to your improving the ability, you know, improving your ability to not hate everyone. I hate all people. What are you how’s that happening?

 

01:15:45:14 – 01:15:50:23

Speaker 1

I think that’s just a change in me. I’ve got to look for the good and not not.

 

01:15:50:25 – 01:15:53:06

Jason Baker

Well again you know.

 

01:15:53:06 – 01:15:54:16

Speaker 1

Everything has its place.

 

01:15:55:05 – 01:15:55:21

Jason Baker

And.

 

01:15:55:22 – 01:16:06:24

Speaker 1

Having that disdain for that I think is okay. But I can’t dwell on it. I can’t let it come into my car. I go home. I definitely can’t let it into my home when I get home.

 

01:16:07:12 – 01:16:09:21

Jason Baker

And, you know, for for me.

 

01:16:09:29 – 01:16:13:20

Speaker 1

I’ve always tried to build our our home as a safe place.

 

01:16:13:20 – 01:16:14:04

Jason Baker

And it.

 

01:16:14:24 – 01:16:18:09

Speaker 1

I try and tell my kids and instill in them, you know, anything.

 

01:16:18:14 – 01:16:21:00

Jason Baker

You need or want to talk about. Let’s have it.

 

01:16:21:00 – 01:16:24:04

Speaker 1

If you need to go in the other room, let’s have it. This is a safe place. This is.

 

01:16:24:21 – 01:16:26:23

Jason Baker

Our our.

 

01:16:26:23 – 01:16:54:03

Speaker 1

Fortress. You know, the evil. The world’s outside. Keep it there. This is our happy place. This is our fortress. And we’ll deal with the things we need to deal with in here. And we will cast those bad things out the door. And I need to focus on that a lot more. And I want my children to understand that, that that’s something that I, I want them to feel comfortable and I want.

 

01:16:54:15 – 01:16:54:26

Jason Baker

You know.

 

01:16:55:16 – 01:17:10:04

Speaker 1

The neighbor kids to feel comfortable there. I want my neighbors to feel comfortable there. My friends do feel comfortable there because that is that’s that’s what it’s for. It’s home. It’s a safe place. If you need to come and cry on the shoulder of crying shoulder, if you need to come borrow some, whatever, that’s that’s why we’re here.

 

01:17:10:07 – 01:17:18:18

Speaker 1

We’re here to help each other out. And I think that focusing on that for me, you know, and I’ve got a couple good friends that I can go and sit down and chat with.

 

01:17:18:18 – 01:17:18:24

Jason Baker

And.

 

01:17:19:03 – 01:17:23:03

Speaker 1

And do those things. And that’s that’s good for me to get it off my chest.

 

01:17:23:03 – 01:17:23:20

Jason Baker

You know, the.

 

01:17:24:07 – 01:17:43:11

Speaker 1

The calls we have or the things that we see and do. And, you know, those are those are etched. Those aren’t those are never leaving. But I’ve got to be to compartmentalize that. And occasionally you get a smell or a sound or something that brings it right back in your face. And you got to be able to open that door and say, okay, that’s everybody.

 

01:17:43:11 – 01:17:44:12

Speaker 1

Get organized again.

 

01:17:44:12 – 01:17:45:05

Jason Baker

Okay, we’re good.

 

01:17:45:28 – 01:17:48:13

Speaker 1

Put it over there and then focus on the good that’s in front of you.

 

01:17:49:24 – 01:18:12:19

Brad Singletary

I said I had two questions, but I really have another one, so I’m curious if it’s not too personal. Have you ever like talked to a professional even from when you were a kid? Through adulthood, through marriage, through all of your things that you’ve done with, you know, your job experiencing trauma because that’s something a lot of dudes are afraid of.

 

01:18:12:19 – 01:18:16:13

Brad Singletary

And I’m wonder if you’ve ever talked to a like mental health person just even on a brief.

 

01:18:18:00 – 01:18:19:02

Jason Baker

I’ll tell you the.

 

01:18:19:02 – 01:18:39:10

Speaker 1

Scariest I’ve ever been for getting a job. When I was down here, they sent me in with a guy. They give us this like a 2000 question test and then they, the shrink, come in and after we get the answers, they took us back. And I’m sitting there like 15 other people and these guys are going in five, 10 minutes are coming out, they’re going in five, 10 minutes are coming out.

 

01:18:39:25 – 01:18:45:00

Speaker 1

I spent 45 minutes in there with this guy thinking, what is I’m done. That’s not happening.

 

01:18:45:22 – 01:18:48:02

Jason Baker

And, you know, I left.

 

01:18:48:02 – 01:18:49:26

Speaker 1

And he was laughing and getting and joking with me.

 

01:18:49:26 – 01:18:53:04

Jason Baker

And come out and then what the hell happened?

 

01:18:53:04 – 01:18:54:18

Speaker 1

Baker, what are you doing in there for.

 

01:18:55:03 – 01:19:02:19

Jason Baker

You know, for, you know, for an hour. And what I don’t know. So so clearly there’s some.

 

01:19:02:19 – 01:19:03:06

Speaker 1

Puzzles here.

 

01:19:03:06 – 01:19:05:00

Jason Baker

But, you know, that’s really been my only.

 

01:19:05:04 – 01:19:05:22

Speaker 1

Experience.

 

01:19:05:22 – 01:19:06:05

Jason Baker

And we’ve.

 

01:19:06:05 – 01:19:08:15

Speaker 1

Had interviews for our adoptions and.

 

01:19:08:15 – 01:19:10:19

Jason Baker

We’ve had, you know like when.

 

01:19:10:19 – 01:19:21:00

Speaker 1

You come out to our home or sent that the others out home studies and those kinds of things and I’m surprised we were able to talk anybody was a craziness in my house but.

 

01:19:21:06 – 01:19:39:25

Brad Singletary

Would you if you felt like you needed to I mean, maybe you’ve maintained you’ve got a lot of good habits. You have a lot of you’ve got your spirituality, you’ve got, you know, some just strong family values, a lot of good things going on. If you felt like you were had crashed and burned or your marriage or would you talk to would you go talk to someone like me or Jimmy Durbin you if you felt like.

 

01:19:40:04 – 01:19:49:19

Jason Baker

Well, Jimmy Durbin, Jimmy Durbin, maybe, you know, guess that’s good. I know. I you know, there’s there’s a there’s a time and a place for everything.

 

01:19:49:19 – 01:19:51:01

Speaker 1

And there’s times.

 

01:19:51:01 – 01:19:52:08

Jason Baker

When you know what.

 

01:19:52:08 – 01:19:57:20

Speaker 1

And I’ve recommended people to go to go and see professionals that have come to me to talk. And.

 

01:19:58:04 – 01:19:59:00

Jason Baker

You know, I’m not I’m not.

 

01:19:59:13 – 01:20:02:21

Speaker 1

In in the mind shrinkage that you guys are. Right.

 

01:20:02:21 – 01:20:05:16

Jason Baker

I don’t want to call it that, but pretty much, yeah.

 

01:20:05:16 – 01:20:09:17

Speaker 1

I mean, you know, you take those take those compartments and open them up and figure it out, sorted out, put it back.

 

01:20:09:26 – 01:20:16:11

Jason Baker

I you know, I think I would I mean, I, I don’t know. I’m sure.

 

01:20:16:11 – 01:20:17:25

Speaker 1

There’s been times in my life I probably should.

 

01:20:17:25 – 01:20:18:00

Jason Baker

Have.

 

01:20:18:08 – 01:20:19:19

Speaker 1

Probably would have saved me some heartache.

 

01:20:20:10 – 01:20:20:25

Jason Baker

You know? But I’m.

 

01:20:20:25 – 01:20:25:01

Speaker 1

That guy. I like to run into the wall a few times before for I get settled in.

 

01:20:25:12 – 01:20:29:20

Brad Singletary

But get out there, gallop on your horse. So heal some things.

 

01:20:29:20 – 01:20:31:19

Jason Baker

Actually, actually, no, that’s I have been.

 

01:20:31:19 – 01:20:32:15

Speaker 1

A ride a horse for.

 

01:20:33:04 – 01:20:48:22

Jason Baker

About a month now. I had a little incident. Oh, what did you do? What happened to you? I got it. I got a new horse. You see, I’m learning with my hobby. See, I’m learning how to rope and be a cowboy. I’m more of a more of a groupie, more of a roping groupie. But anyway, I was out of I.

 

01:20:48:22 – 01:20:49:19

Speaker 1

Was out of position and.

 

01:20:49:19 – 01:20:50:23

Jason Baker

It I pushed.

 

01:20:50:23 – 01:20:53:01

Speaker 1

It a little bit harder than I should have. And it was a new horse for me.

 

01:20:53:01 – 01:20:54:09

Jason Baker

And it hadn’t.

 

01:20:54:09 – 01:20:56:20

Speaker 1

It hadn’t been really roped on for quite a.

 

01:20:56:20 – 01:20:57:01

Jason Baker

While.

 

01:20:57:01 – 01:20:59:24

Speaker 1

And I kicked it up and it started hopping when.

 

01:20:59:24 – 01:21:01:27

Jason Baker

We were going and it didn’t didn’t do.

 

01:21:01:27 – 01:21:02:11

Speaker 1

Too well.

 

01:21:02:11 – 01:21:12:08

Jason Baker

So I tore my groin. I don’t recommend that I tell right now that that is something that you don’t want messed up. You want that intact.

 

01:21:13:22 – 01:21:22:09

Brad Singletary

You’re like one of that. You’re just like an all-American. You know dude. I don’t know. You got horses and chickens and you’re like breaking this new horse, learning how to roll.

 

01:21:22:12 – 01:21:33:02

Jason Baker

It wasn’t a new horse. It was new to me. The guy the guy that had is like, man, I had that for another 15. Never hurt me. What do you do to my horse? Well, I don’t know. You know, he gave me a brand new truck.

 

01:21:33:02 – 01:21:33:29

Speaker 1

I’ll make it break now.

 

01:21:34:15 – 01:21:58:22

Brad Singletary

So last question, then. I have something else here. What is the most alpha thing about you? And by that, we’ve been trying to kind of clean up what we want to say about that. But that is just your highest noblest, most gift. You know, the talent that you have that is very strong in you and that you can really recognize is maybe a gift or a talent, some special strength that you have.

 

01:21:58:27 – 01:22:00:15

Brad Singletary

What’s what’s the best thing about you?

 

01:22:01:09 – 01:22:04:15

Jason Baker

Well, I hope that it’s that it’s.

 

01:22:04:15 – 01:22:06:17

Speaker 1

Being a man of my word.

 

01:22:06:17 – 01:22:09:15

Jason Baker

And I think that, you know, if I tell you.

 

01:22:09:15 – 01:22:10:28

Speaker 1

I’m going to do something, it’s going to get done.

 

01:22:11:28 – 01:22:12:15

Jason Baker

And if you.

 

01:22:12:15 – 01:22:19:20

Speaker 1

Ask me to do something, I tell you I’m going to do it. I’m going to do my damnedest to get it done. And I think that that’s, you know.

 

01:22:20:01 – 01:22:21:03

Jason Baker

Being being true to my.

 

01:22:21:03 – 01:22:22:12

Speaker 1

Word, I think is probably.

 

01:22:24:07 – 01:22:24:28

Jason Baker

Back back that.

 

01:22:24:28 – 01:22:25:24

Speaker 1

Up with your actions.

 

01:22:27:22 – 01:22:46:18

Brad Singletary

That’s some of the good stuff, man you have this old soul, you know, in living in that’s not that old in this modern world. I’m not saying your soul is old, but you’ve got some really awesome. You know, I just I really appreciate you being here today, Jim. And you have anything you want to share or ask or anything before we wrap up here.

 

01:22:46:18 – 01:22:46:28

Jason Baker

No, I.

 

01:22:46:28 – 01:23:19:23

Jimmy Durbin

Appreciate the questions. Thank you. Yeah, I just appreciate what you represent and your service. I think that’s an appropriately appropriate answer of just cherishing your word. Right. For agreements like that’s that’s a big deal. I can see the the Eagle Scout. The Boy Scout is really helped to instill that. And I appreciate even your sharing earlier. Just the softening of your eyes when something very tender came to your heart and your mind.

 

01:23:19:23 – 01:23:21:08

Jimmy Durbin

And so thank you.

 

01:23:22:12 – 01:23:25:15

Jason Baker

It’s a pleasure. I’m kind of baffled that you guys.

 

01:23:25:24 – 01:23:27:27

Speaker 1

Asked me here. I guess nobody else would show up, read.

 

01:23:28:10 – 01:23:34:01

Jason Baker

This kind of Memorial Day Sunday. And I was like, okay, I get I get weird.

 

01:23:34:01 – 01:23:40:09

Speaker 1

Times off, so I don’t go anywhere on the holidays. I’ll wait out until middle of the week and go places because I know what it’s like out there right now.

 

01:23:40:26 – 01:23:50:28

Brad Singletary

So part of the reason that we wanted to invite you here is because you nominated and selected from the Facebook group of about 1600 men throughout the.

 

01:23:50:28 – 01:23:51:12

Jason Baker

World.

 

01:23:52:01 – 01:24:01:04

Brad Singletary

As the nominated and selected as the 2022 Alpha Corn Father of the Year. Jason has.

 

01:24:01:14 – 01:24:03:11

Jason Baker

There must be children whackers.

 

01:24:03:11 – 01:24:03:27

Speaker 1

Out there.

 

01:24:04:07 – 01:24:07:00

Jason Baker

Now you’re the cream of the crop. I don’t know about that.

 

01:24:07:00 – 01:24:29:27

Brad Singletary

So just to verify, because I didn’t want to just go buy Facebook pictures alone, I actually asked your wife and children to tell me if that is true, if this be real about you. And here’s what your wife said. Her name is Heidi. The thing I love most about Jason is that he always makes me laugh. He’ll do anything to make me and our kids have a good life.

 

01:24:31:07 – 01:25:04:26

Brad Singletary

Baxter A father is the most selfless and giving man that I know. Bridger He’s always willing to help anyone. BOSTON He will always go out of his way to help anyone in need. Real dad is a good dad because he helps me when I’m sick and takes care of me and helps other people too. Brinley I love my dad.

 

01:25:06:03 – 01:25:28:08

Brad Singletary

Dad is the best. He helps learn the easy and hard things in life. He helps me when I’m sick and he helps me with all my problems. I love my dad, Bristol. I love my dad because he’s always there when I need him and he helps me and my siblings become the best version of ourselves. Bracken My dad is awesome.

 

01:25:28:24 – 01:25:42:03

Brad Singletary

I love that he takes me fishing in the rhino and to fun places. But l I love my dad. I love that he takes me to Disneyland and he is also a big show off. But I still.

 

01:25:42:03 – 01:25:52:18

Jason Baker

Love do it. You got me looking for the tissue. Get out of here. Jack Wagner. I hate you guys. That’s a lot of beautiful. I hate my kids.

 

01:25:52:19 – 01:25:53:11

Brad Singletary

So I have to.

 

01:25:53:15 – 01:25:55:23

Jason Baker

Say that stuff, a couple of things for you.

 

01:25:56:17 – 01:26:11:14

Brad Singletary

So I made these shirts and hats and nobody will buy them. I was giving away for free. I was only going to charge this shipping, damn it. In no way would you. So I’ve got a couple of stickers here. We’ll pass that around. Jimmy got a flashy snapback.

 

01:26:11:26 – 01:26:14:21

Jason Baker

Oh, I take the sticker off of that. I wear it with the sticker on.

 

01:26:14:29 – 01:26:16:02

Brad Singletary

So please take the cigaret.

 

01:26:17:08 – 01:26:17:29

Jason Baker

I mean I don’t know.

 

01:26:17:29 – 01:26:21:26

Brad Singletary

What the any AEW stands for. No excuses alpha.

 

01:26:21:26 – 01:26:24:00

Jason Baker

Up. I like it.

 

01:26:24:00 – 01:26:27:08

Brad Singletary

There’s a shirt here that’s an extra large. You have to tell me if you need a big one.

 

01:26:27:27 – 01:26:32:15

Jason Baker

I’ve been wearing extra medium all my life and it’s perfect right there. You built like this. You got to have something.

 

01:26:32:16 – 01:26:34:02

Brad Singletary

Here’s $100 gift card.

 

01:26:34:10 – 01:26:35:03

Jason Baker

Holy crap.

 

01:26:35:12 – 01:26:51:11

Brad Singletary

And then this. I’ll just open this. You got to be careful with this because it’s a little bit fragile. Fragile. But I’ll just have them send over there to look at this. You can put somewhere. It’s not crystal, it’s just acrylic. So don’t drop it.

 

01:26:52:08 – 01:26:54:10

Jason Baker

Wow. But, brother, I’m.

 

01:26:54:12 – 01:26:55:07

Jimmy Durbin

Yeah, thank you.

 

01:26:55:08 – 01:27:05:06

Jason Baker

I’m. I’m honored and floored and disheveled. And I don’t know what to say. Thank you. It’s should go to my wife.

 

01:27:06:11 – 01:27:27:09

Brad Singletary

Well, brother, we know you’re not perfect. No one is. But to be willing, you’ve added five members of your family in your household that didn’t. That weren’t born there, and that’s a bad ass. You take advantage of the opportunities that you have. You’ve admitted some faults, you know, and some things you regretted with your older boys and time.

 

01:27:27:09 – 01:27:44:13

Brad Singletary

And you’re you’re trying to keep it right with their mom. As far as you know, she’s the queen of that castle. And you’re just doing what you can. And you’re you’re trying to listen. You’re trying to be patient. You’re trying to prepare your mind as you walk in the house. You’re a great provider or I mean, you got chickens.

 

01:27:44:22 – 01:27:47:01

Brad Singletary

Those kids are this. You’re a 1%.

 

01:27:47:01 – 01:27:48:02

Jason Baker

Ducks and you’re.

 

01:27:48:02 – 01:28:13:19

Brad Singletary

A 1% or you know what I mean? Like, seriously, I just believe that you’ve got some incredible values. You do have a kind of a rough old school John Wayne way about you, but that’s probably there’s some of that that’s missing in the world. And we could we could we could add that as well as your tender side the part that choked up here just so everybody knows he did actually there was a couple of tears it kind of.

 

01:28:13:29 – 01:28:16:26

Jason Baker

No didn’t swole. I bet, Brad.

 

01:28:16:27 – 01:28:19:16

Jimmy Durbin

$100 we could get you to cry. So thank you for that.

 

01:28:19:16 – 01:28:22:21

Jason Baker

You’re welcome. It’s easy not you know.

 

01:28:23:27 – 01:28:30:19

Brad Singletary

Anyway, congratulations on that man. And thank you for being here. You have a great voice for this. You are an excellent speaker.

 

01:28:30:19 – 01:28:32:09

Jason Baker

I’ve got a face for radio. I know that.

 

01:28:33:01 – 01:28:53:25

Brad Singletary

Know you do. Seriously, we’re going to have you back, because I just. I know that there’s a lot more. We can’t get it all in one hour show here or whatever. But appreciate what you bring to this and what you’ve done to to share with our community. And you just sacrificed a lot. You’ve sacrificed a lot of your own time, your family time, a lot of gas money from where you lived, where you work.

 

01:28:54:07 – 01:29:00:22

Brad Singletary

And I just really appreciate you as just one of the best men that I know. I know that means you got to get out.

 

01:29:00:22 – 01:29:07:05

Jason Baker

I’ve got to get out of that chair with around some people.

 

01:29:07:05 – 01:29:12:06

Brad Singletary

One of these days, I’m going to bring my family up to your house. We have eight in our household. So six kids.

 

01:29:12:06 – 01:29:14:04

Jason Baker

You know, an invite buddy. Anytime you show.

 

01:29:14:06 – 01:29:35:18

Brad Singletary

Over there, knock on the door. But anyway, thank you again for being here, man. You guys. Jesus, this is Alpha. This is a guy who shared some things he’s learned along the way. He’s almost 50, but he looks like it looks like he’s almost 30 now. And we want to again, thank you again, Jason Baker, 2022, Alpha Corn, father of the year.

 

01:29:35:29 – 01:29:40:00

Brad Singletary

You guys, until next time, no excuses. Alpha Up.

 

01:29:40:00 – 01:29:40:16

Jimmy Durbin

Thanks, Jason.

 

01:29:41:19 – 01:29:55:01

Outro

My pleasure, gentlemen. You are the Alpha. And this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:10 – 00:00:02:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Risky move. I’m like the heck you are.

00:00:05:06 – 00:00:05:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he did it.

00:00:06:05 – 00:00:18:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
He would walk to my house every night and he would just walk the neighborhood with me every night. He said, how about the plan of going home and learning to love your wife and.

00:00:18:20 – 00:00:22:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Have her learn to love you? What I garnered from that.

00:00:23:13 – 00:00:27:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Was this concept of one on one time. He said, Just hold on.

00:00:28:06 – 00:00:31:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Just hold on. The light will return.

00:00:32:29 – 00:00:35:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
So he turned me in to the Nevada State Bar.

00:00:36:05 – 00:00:39:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wrote a letter on me, said, Mr. Williams told me to go.

00:00:39:20 – 00:00:40:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
F myself.

00:00:42:27 – 00:00:47:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
If I need a car. I got a call from bar counsel. Who is this porch? Williams?

00:00:48:15 – 00:00:49:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, sir.

00:00:49:21 – 00:00:52:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Did you tell that lawyer to go F himself.

00:00:52:24 – 00:00:53:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, I did.

00:00:54:13 – 00:00:58:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you not do that anymore? No, I won’t. And I’ve never done it again.

00:01:04:05 – 00:01:23:23
Speaker 3
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen. This is the Alpha Corps.

00:01:30:21 – 00:01:56:23
Brad Singletary
Our guest today was born in Las Vegas on February 2nd. 1966 He’s the youngest of five children. His father worked a variety of jobs when Bush was a kid. His father started the Las Vegas Motocross Club and later the Las Vegas Bicycle Motocross Club. Every Saturday and Sunday, he spent at the motocross and bicycle motocross track with his family organizing and running events.

00:01:57:08 – 00:02:19:01
Brad Singletary
Butch also raced both BMX and motocross himself. When Butch was about 14 years old. The track was no more feasible to run. His dad started a plumbing company, and Butch began to learn the trade of plumbing, which also worked a variety of other jobs and high school, including being a dishwasher at Marie Calendar’s and driving a delivery truck.

00:02:19:20 – 00:02:47:14
Brad Singletary
When he was 19 years old, he decided to serve in LDS Mission which had joined the church approximately three years earlier. He served in Alaska and had a wonderful time there. Upon returning home, he attended college at UNLV and then received a Bachelor of Science Degree in Construction Management from Brigham Young University in 1991. While at BYU, he met and married the magnificent Paula Jones from Woodburn, Oregon.

00:02:48:25 – 00:03:18:22
Brad Singletary
They have six children, five of whom are married. They are the grandparents of ten grandchildren, which attended law school at the MCGEORGE School of Law in Sacramento, California. He graduated in 1994 and returned to Las Vegas with his family in 1997. He started his own law practice. He mostly represents contractors and subcontractors in construction issues. He also practices in the areas of real estate and business law.

00:03:19:08 – 00:03:42:19
Brad Singletary
Approximately seven years ago, his son in law, Drew Starbuck, graduated law school and came to work with Butch. Mr. Starbucks practices primarily in real estate planning and probate. They own the firm Williams Starbuck. But I’m so glad to have you here, man. I have been I’ve had my eye on you since I started this whole thing and thought, That’s it, dude, I want to get in here.

00:03:42:19 – 00:04:02:13
Brad Singletary
So we ran around in some of the same circles here, probably ten or 15 years ago, and I’ve moved to the other side of town, and maybe you’ve moved out of that neighborhood, but I’ve watched you with your family and what you have going on. And I just thought this is the exactly the type of man that I want to highlight once we get around to being able to do that.

00:04:02:13 – 00:04:13:29
Brad Singletary
So welcome here, man. I really appreciate you driving all this way. Drove up to my building today and I see this black Corvette and, and I knew exactly who was here.

00:04:14:21 – 00:04:18:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
It’s an old one. It didn’t cost very much or whatever.

00:04:18:06 – 00:04:46:11
Brad Singletary
It’s super sweet. So again, thank you for being here, man. We’re just we’re just trying to help men level themselves up, whether that be through education or through learning how to have be better in their family or through emotional intelligence, you know, recovering from addictions and just being good men. And so anyone who knows you, I’m sure, would safely say that’s a good dude to be highlighting as a good as a good man.

00:04:46:11 – 00:04:48:05
Brad Singletary
So thank you again for being here.

00:04:48:19 – 00:05:05:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m glad to be here. And I surely don’t deserve any praise. But but I life life has been good to me. Challenging but good. And if there’s ever a time to spend on raising young men to me and it’s now, right?

00:05:05:18 – 00:05:23:22
Brad Singletary
Yes, totally. That’s one of the reasons that we feel good about what we’re doing. We have a smaller audience but I think we’ve had listeners from 39 different countries through this whole thing. And so we’re hoping to just continue to grow this and appreciate you being a part of a part of this here today. So talk more about your family.

00:05:23:22 – 00:05:28:23
Brad Singletary
You’ve got ten grandchildren. Are they are most of your kids here in town or they live in other places or.

00:05:29:06 – 00:05:49:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, so we’ve got my oldest son, Tyson, and his wife live in the San Diego area. They’re in Carlsbad, California, OK? They’ve got three little kids and yeah, he runs a shelter business down there. And as a couple of other things that he’s involved in, we’re trying to get him back to Las Vegas, but he seems to like that surf too much.

00:05:49:11 – 00:05:57:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I bet. So I’m sure he Sanford coming home. He won’t be back My daughter, Kayla.

00:05:57:21 – 00:06:17:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kayla Starbuck, she’s married to Drew Starbuck, OK? And she’s wonderful. And a matter of fact, when she met Drew when they were in college, he wasn’t sure where he was going. And so she helped him figure out where he was going. And next thing you know, he was in law school and next thing you know, he’s practicing with me.

00:06:17:16 – 00:06:23:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
So never underestimate the power of a magnificent woman, right?

00:06:23:04 – 00:06:24:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You can keep.

00:06:24:04 – 00:06:28:02
Brad Singletary
Your eye on in there. If he’s working with that, you can you can always be watching, right?

00:06:28:02 – 00:06:37:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
All the time. He’s great. He’s he was in the Marines, and so he came in with maturity and just just a good guy. Good, humble guy.

00:06:37:25 – 00:06:39:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Looking for a little girls.

00:06:39:13 – 00:06:45:00
Brad Singletary
I looked him up. I looked up on your website and looked up you and him and saw your pictures and read a little bit about him. It’s impressive.

00:06:45:08 – 00:06:45:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, he’s.

00:06:45:29 – 00:07:00:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
He really is that good. We just love him to death. Then I have a son named Zach. Zach’s married, and he just finished law school. He decided not to come to work for Dad, but he’s working for a big firm. I guess it pays more money. I don’t know.

00:07:01:16 – 00:07:02:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
He’s doing well.

00:07:02:16 – 00:07:26:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I’ve got a daughter named Hailey. She’s up in Utah. She’s married to Vince Miller. We just love this guy. He graduated with a master’s in accounting, but his love is the army is. Well, his father was next in line to be the chaplain for the United States Army. Wow. And decided he didn’t want to quite go that path.

00:07:26:19 – 00:07:38:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
But Vince has followed his father in the military, and he finished Army Ranger training last year. And just now he’s trying to be a Green Beret. So I.

00:07:38:13 – 00:07:40:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Now yeah, he’s a he’s a fun.

00:07:40:03 – 00:08:09:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kid. Plus, he likes to go fishing. And I like that so I got a place to fish. Hey, yeah. I have a son named Josh. Josh is married here in Las Vegas. He’s working in the construction industry. And finishing his education at U and LV in my last girl or child, I should say, is Alexa. And Alexa just finished flight attendant school for Breeze Airlines, which is, I guess, a subsidiary of some sort to JetBlue.

00:08:10:08 – 00:08:11:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
OK, so maybe we’ll get some.

00:08:11:19 – 00:08:16:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Free flights out of all of this. I don’t know how many passes like Buddy passes and I like free.

00:08:18:19 – 00:08:23:04
Brad Singletary
So your wife, you said she’s from Oregon. You met her at school. You met in college, right?

00:08:23:04 – 00:08:36:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. She’s amazing. She is from a little town called Wood or I should say named Woodburn, Oregon. Her father is a veterinarian. I thought I might be marrying into money. I come to find out he’s a farm vet.

00:08:38:06 – 00:08:40:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. Like I came to further find out.

00:08:41:09 – 00:08:42:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
If it cost more than the price of the.

00:08:42:29 – 00:08:48:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cow. They usually just shoot the cow as the oldest of six kids.

00:08:50:05 – 00:08:51:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
She’s just great, you know?

00:08:53:00 – 00:09:06:05
Brad Singletary
So you we talked a little bit about your career. You have a law practice here. You do like construction stuff. That’s a majority of what you’re doing. It is. And then your son in law.

00:09:07:03 – 00:09:07:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

00:09:07:11 – 00:09:08:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Drew Starbuck, yeah.

00:09:08:14 – 00:09:28:27
Brad Singletary
And then your son in law, Drew. He does some other things, real estate and different types of types of practice there. So you started that three years at three years after you graduated. That’s pretty quick. I, I mean, I don’t know much about the practice of law, but it seems like three years after that’s fast doing your own thing.

00:09:29:03 – 00:09:51:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
It was probably too quick. But, you know, I had worked three different jobs in three years out of law school now. I never got fired but I always just felt like I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. So I came home one day kind of in a somber mood. And my wife was five months pregnant with our fifth child.

00:09:51:26 – 00:10:09:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I said, Honey, I’m just I just don’t know what it is. And she said, well, start your own practice. I said, I don’t have any clients. I said, Maybe one or two. She said, It’ll work out. I said, But you’re five months pregnant. We don’t have health insurance. It’ll work out so the first call I made was to the baby doctor, I’ll never forget.

00:10:09:24 – 00:10:13:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Call you. Do you accept a payment plan.

00:10:15:14 – 00:10:18:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said, We’ll work it out. So I.

00:10:18:21 – 00:10:35:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I went to the bank, and in those days I’ll never forget the guy. I believe his name was Larry Woodrum. And he was at Bank West of Nevada, and somebody said, You got to go see Larry. He’ll loan you money. So I walk in and I sit down with this guy, and I’m sure my head was hung down low.

00:10:35:25 – 00:10:50:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Can I borrow $50,000 to start a law practice? 15 minutes later, I had $50,000 in account. Wow. And all magnificent part of that, as I look back of the story, is that two years later I called him. I said.

00:10:50:25 – 00:10:51:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Larry.

00:10:51:16 – 00:10:57:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you take your $50,000 back? I never had to use it, and I’m tired of paying interest on it.

00:10:57:13 – 00:10:58:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow. So.

00:10:59:03 – 00:11:04:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I don’t think people get loans that easy anymore in Las Vegas. But but that’s how it worked out.

00:11:04:14 – 00:11:15:00
Brad Singletary
And it seems like your wife had all the faith in the beginning. She kind of pushed you toward it and said, don’t you worry, like it’ll work out. And you had the courage to make a big leave. That’s that’s impressive.

00:11:15:13 – 00:11:46:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. I’ve talked to a lot of young men who wanted to start their own practice, and they have asked me over the years how do you do it? And I would ask them a question, how much do you give to charity every month? And if the response was very little, then I would say, you’re not ready yet. Now, the reason I said that is because when I was going to start my own practice, I was actually racing motorcycles again.

00:11:46:17 – 00:12:04:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I was out at the track one night and I was talking to a friend of mine and he asked me a question. He said, How much do you give to charity every month? And I said, I don’t know, 40 or $50. And he told me, You’re not ready to start your own practice. Wow. And I said, Well, how much do you give?

00:12:04:17 – 00:12:23:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he told me. I said, Well, that’s my house payment. He said, Yeah. He said, When you learn that concept, you’ll be fine. And so what we did is I actually went home that night and I was kind of mad at my friend. That is being a little judgmental, but we went home that night and I talked to my wife about it.

00:12:23:27 – 00:12:56:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Honey, I think there’s something to what he’s saying. If we’re going to start this, we get we got to give more and she said, OK, so we did. We immediately started to give more. And, you know, the phone has always ring. So here I and that was 1997 and now we’re in 2022 and even through the recession the phone rang and so every young person that I have given that counsel to whether it be in the practice of law or other business, their phone is ringing.

00:12:56:08 – 00:13:09:06
Brad Singletary
Well what, what is the principle there like? I mean just that you are you have the kind of maturity, you have the kind of, you know, selfless maturity or something. How does that work? What is the math on that?

00:13:10:08 – 00:13:39:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t think it’s earthly math. Right. You know, my parents, when I when I decided to join the LDS Church and in the end serve a mission, they were OK with me joining the LDS Church. But when I decided to serve a mission that didn’t go over or as well originally as what I thought it might, but they knew I was dedicated because I, I worked and I saved about 12 or $13,000 and this was back in 1984, 1985.

00:13:39:02 – 00:14:03:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
So it’s a lot of hard work and a lot of savings. When I came home from that mission, my money was still in my bank account. I had no idea that they had paid for it. Wow. And I asked my parents what, what did you do, why they said, well, we just decided to pay for it, but now we’re going to give money every month to a charity because we recognize our business had never done so well so you know, those are things stick in your mind, right.

00:14:04:15 – 00:14:04:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

00:14:04:25 – 00:14:27:05
Brad Singletary
That’s great modeling from your parents who didn’t necessarily share the same faith but but respected what you did. And even though they started to show you, you you originally showed them you taught them something that they reinforced you carried that and spread that same message to young professionals out there. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s why you’re here right now, that kind of thing, man.

00:14:27:05 – 00:14:28:29
Brad Singletary
I got goosebumps thinking about this.

00:14:29:15 – 00:14:43:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that was pretty powerful. Another thing I did as soon as I made just a little bit of money is I put $1,000 cash in my pocket. In that thousand dollars cash has been there now since 19, I guess 1997. So please don’t mug me.

00:14:44:05 – 00:14:51:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
If I’m black for every black Corvette, that guy’s got money in his pocket. But the concept again, I was a.

00:14:51:25 – 00:15:02:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Little kid and this guy walked into our house on 560 Saint Louis and downtown Las Vegas. His name was John Vann. Who he was a friend of my father’s. And he pulled out.

00:15:02:13 – 00:15:07:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
This wad of cash was a little kid in a in a lower than middle class income.

00:15:07:19 – 00:15:33:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m looking at that thinking I don’t know what he does, but I’m in, you know. Right. I said John, why do you carry that that money? He said, so I can say no to people if I need to. Now, that stuck with me, too. So as a young lawyer, if somebody walked into my office and to this day, even if they’ve got money if something doesn’t feel right, I know I’ve got enough in my pocket to feed my family for a little while.

00:15:33:28 – 00:15:35:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow. And so that.

00:15:35:00 – 00:15:36:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Concept, you mean.

00:15:36:22 – 00:15:42:07
Brad Singletary
Carrying $1,000 cash in your pocket, all this your whole your whole life since you were a young, younger man.

00:15:42:07 – 00:15:43:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Since 1987.

00:15:43:13 – 00:15:45:05
Brad Singletary
Oh my. You have it right now. You have.

00:15:45:05 – 00:15:49:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right now. Oh, that’s the coolest. Thing I’ve ever heard. I mean.

00:15:49:20 – 00:16:08:21
Brad Singletary
I can think there’s a lot of reasons for that. Like, I don’t know in the world of like, you know, alcohol, I’m in recovery from alcohol. And I would hear people say things like, you know, they want to just keep one beer in their refrigerator just to prove that they don’t need it. It’s there, but they don’t they don’t need it.

00:16:08:21 – 00:16:17:13
Brad Singletary
They’re kind of flooding themselves with some exposure. And so you got money and you could spend it, you could blow it, but you’re you’re just hanging on to it. That’s kind of cool.

00:16:17:13 – 00:16:32:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why I can spend it. And if I spend it as soon as like the users, they have just a little bit more. But when I get, you know, so there’s a little fluff there. So if I can somebody needs something, I can buy it right? Or get out of a tight situation or however you want to say it, all of that.

00:16:32:04 – 00:16:35:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
But at the end of the day, there better be a thousand.

00:16:35:21 – 00:16:36:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I can say no.

00:16:37:05 – 00:16:42:03
Brad Singletary
I need I’m going to I’m going to steal that trick. No, I got to tell my wife, when I get on the air, open up the safe for me.

00:16:42:03 – 00:16:54:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
We got to get 1000. Just keep it on Venmo. I don’t know how to use Venmo, but my wife sure does. So she knows how to talk to that Amazon guide to ensure comes around a lot. It’s guy I.

00:16:54:18 – 00:16:58:18
Brad Singletary
Thought my wife for a while was having had something going with the UPS driver, you know, like.

00:16:59:07 – 00:17:00:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
All right, I hear you.

00:17:00:29 – 00:17:18:15
Brad Singletary
We didn’t welcome Jimmy Durban. I just want to he’s been on the show before. You guys know him and but he is also another stellar guy. He just wanted to be here tonight. Drove up in a pretty special looking Harley Davidson that was pretty sick man. That was impressive. What do you what are you driving out there?

00:17:19:11 – 00:17:28:10
Jimmy Durbin
It’s a Harley Roadster. Oh, 2019. And it’s full disclosure. And being transparent, it actually belongs to my middle son.

00:17:28:24 – 00:17:31:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I can’t take credit for that.

00:17:31:17 – 00:17:35:19
Jimmy Durbin
Mine’s in 94 heritage soft tail OK or of a cruiser bike.

00:17:35:19 – 00:17:37:17
Brad Singletary
You told me how to get somewhere quick and so you.

00:17:37:22 – 00:17:39:15
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah I had to get here fast keep it.

00:17:39:15 – 00:17:40:06
Brad Singletary
Warm for you.

00:17:40:25 – 00:18:08:16
Jimmy Durbin
I think also just to kind of give the audience a feeling when I when I came in and met Butch you could feel the love I could feel the love speak for myself kind face um sharply dressed and then when you read the intro birthday’s February 2nd mine’s a third oh. Very well meant to you and Elvis as well.

00:18:08:16 – 00:18:37:28
Jimmy Durbin
Right. And so I, I’ve appreciated what you said because I think that’s how men can help men is these little nuggets, these things that there’s this wisdom that you gained along your own path and the things that stuck. And so I really appreciated you sharing those two things because that’s that’s what I want to learn from you. Right?

00:18:37:28 – 00:19:13:01
Jimmy Durbin
Is how have you continued to keep your heart upfront? Right. Oftentimes you talk about having a a soft front and a hard back. No concept from Bernie Brown of being vulnerable as a man, being tender, authentic, transparent, and also having a hard back and being a protector and a leader and a fighter and a mentor for these young men that you talked about, for these young lawyers that you talked about, for your family and your your son in law’s.

00:19:13:01 – 00:19:24:19
Jimmy Durbin
And so what else would you say to your younger self as you gain this wisdom now sitting as a 56 year old man in this chair.

00:19:25:04 – 00:19:51:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I went through something in 1995 that I haven’t shared with a lot of people, but I was just out of law school starting salary was $36,000 a year, wasn’t necessarily horrible in 1995, but I had $65,000 with a student debt. Wow. And I had three children and my marriage fell apart and so I ended up living with my parents.

00:19:53:01 – 00:20:20:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
My wife’s trying to decide you know, is he going to come home? I’m trying to decide what I’m doing, where I’m going. And I remember just laying up at my parents one night staring at the ceiling thinking to myself, I don’t know where I’m going. I just am so discouraged, so down. And this old guy knocks on my door and he happened to be my LDS bishop.

00:20:22:19 – 00:20:38:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said, May I speak with you for a few minutes? I said, Yeah. I mean, I couldn’t say no. He’s a nice guy. Even though I had anger in my soul, I just couldn’t say no to him. And he came in and talked to him and he said, But what are your plans? I said, I don’t know.

00:20:38:27 – 00:21:04:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I guess I guess I’ll get divorced and figure out what to do from here. He said, I guess that’s a plan. He said, How about the plan of going home and learning to love your wife and have her learn to love you? And I said, I don’t know how that’s possible, but he left that evening and it again, it just stuck in my mind.

00:21:04:24 – 00:21:43:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I, I went home and this, this little bishop, about six foot six tall, he would walk over to my house every night after and he had 11 children on a school teacher salary. So big time hero right away he would walk to my house every night and he would just walk the neighborhood with me every night. And he would talk to me from everything about physical intimacy with my wife and how I could improve that to emotional intimacy, to dating, to communication.

00:21:43:17 – 00:22:00:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
The things that I guess I just never learned at home. And I guess why would I have learned them? I mean, my parents had a great relationship, but we didn’t talk about these things. And, you know, my wife and I we always just we always talk about the first five years of our marriage being. We don’t talk about that.

00:22:01:16 – 00:22:20:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
And then we talk about from 1995 on and it’s just been the most magnificent marriage. I mean it’s really, it has been but again what I garnered from that was this concept of one on one time.

00:22:21:28 – 00:22:23:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, you know.

00:22:23:18 – 00:22:36:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
He gave me his precious resource of time and so I try to do the same. I, you know, I’m not great at it, but if I see a need, I recognize just a simple text message, probably not enough.

00:22:37:21 – 00:22:54:17
Brad Singletary
You know, he was kind of in this automatic role of mentorship or stewardship with you. But in. So did he push for that contact, you know, or were you, you know, asking him to, hey, come take a walk or you said he just would show up? Yeah. I mean, that’s cool. So I think every man needs a mentor.

00:22:54:17 – 00:23:31:11
Brad Singletary
Every man needs a bigger tribe of, you know, six, eight, whatever number of people. But to have one person at a critical time in your life care for you. He’s busy. He’s got 11 kids at home and he’s leading the congregation and he’s got you that he’s kind of singled out as someone that’s worthy of his time evening, you know, this special time to come and walk and talk with you that is that’s one of the coolest images that have ever been, you know, painted on this show to me is you walking with a man who’s talking about all of the deep things, all of the things that maybe you wouldn’t want to talk about

00:23:31:11 – 00:23:43:08
Brad Singletary
with anyone else. You made it comfortable somehow. You made it comfortable to do that. What what was it about him that made you feel like you could comfortably talk about those personal subjects?

00:23:43:15 – 00:24:11:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I think just his warmth. I mean, I just felt like I was walking with God in some respects. Right. I knew that he was a confidant. I knew he had wisdom. I mean, even as a I was 28 years old, so still pretty young. Right. But I could just see, you know, just his love for me and I then fast forward what, 20 years?

00:24:11:08 – 00:24:38:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he called me to be a bishop in the LDS Church, last thing I ever expected. But the concepts that he taught me I was able to put into play as people would come to me with marital issues and other issues. And I thought, man, God, I mean I that was a really painful process. In 1995 I got to know God better, I got to know my wife better, I got to know this bishop better.

00:24:39:10 – 00:25:03:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
But then as I fast forward, I think to myself and God, God could see these things play out. You know, he could see in the future that if I listen to this guy, good things would probably happen in my life, you know, if I didn’t, if I went out on my own and did my own thing, then I might pay a different price and have a harder time having a relationship with God, at least for a season.

00:25:03:27 – 00:25:06:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So it was a painful process, but it was wonderful.

00:25:08:06 – 00:25:45:20
Jimmy Durbin
Brad just put out an episode about reframing and in his thoughts just from a very raw, beautiful authentic place of the Alpha Quorum and what that is and what type of man in his heart that is and how it should project in the world so I appreciate you relating that story because I oftentimes think, as you just indicated, we really don’t talk about before 1995, 1996, right.

00:25:45:20 – 00:26:26:04
Jimmy Durbin
We, we get this idea that well we’ve had this pain and it’s healed and so it’s behind us. But in the end as a result of that we kind of create a silo and those individual silos that happen to us as men, then we don’t allow the healing process and the learning process and the grace that happens. And so would you mind just sharing like what the struggle was like, what, how did you get to that mental place, emotional place, spiritual place like because I’m sure I can relate to it.

00:26:26:04 – 00:26:44:17
Jimmy Durbin
I, I’ve been to that place. There might be someone listening who’s there and I kind of believe that we’re all we’ve either gone through, we’re going through, or we will yet go through that place that you were back in. So do you mind sharing that?

00:26:44:21 – 00:27:13:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
No, not at all. One of the things that he asked me to do was go to the church and listen to a talk from a guy named Jeffrey Ah, Holland that was coming to town. Well, I had so much anger and frustration in my life at that time. I think just being poor for so long, going through law school, I mean, when my wife and I were in law school, I had $1,000 a month scholarship or rent was 550 a month.

00:27:14:20 – 00:27:27:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
We paid our tithing. So now we’re down to 900 a month and we never went on welfare. Well, you know, you live that way for a number of years of just, you know, impoverished, if you.

00:27:27:26 – 00:27:28:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Were making.

00:27:28:15 – 00:27:28:20
Brad Singletary
It.

00:27:28:20 – 00:27:49:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Barely by me, you know, and we always made it you know, by the grace of God, we always made it. But, you know, there’s frustrations and I’m spending, you know, 12 and 14 hours a day studying and there’s little kids at the house and all those things are, you know, they’re just going to lead to a tough situation if one doesn’t get it squared up.

00:27:49:20 – 00:28:03:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I didn’t, I didn’t have it squared up. I felt my job was to work and get through law school and make money as fast as I could. So I took that same attitude into the profession that first, and then I got humbled.

00:28:05:05 – 00:28:06:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. But anyways.

00:28:06:14 – 00:28:24:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Jeffrey Holland was coming to town and this old guy, Roy Ford, says just come with me, just come with me. I said, I don’t want to go. But again, I didn’t want to say no to him right there. I just loved him. You love somebody. You don’t want to say no. So I remember I remember sitting in the back of the building that night.

00:28:24:01 – 00:28:46:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And Jeff, our Jeffrey, our Holland stands up at the pulpit. And this is what he says. I’ll never forget it. He says, If any of you are feeling dark tonight like there’s no light and that you might never feel light again, I just want you to do one thing for me tonight. Well, soon as he started down that path, you could imagine my right eye open to what?

00:28:46:17 – 00:29:17:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
All my left eye open to and then his counsel was so simple, but I’ve used it many times in life. He said, Just hold on, just hold on. The light will return. And it did then, and it has numerous times since. So that’s my encouragement to people. When you’re in a dark spot, try to just hold on. You’ll notice that God will put certain people in your life at that time.

00:29:18:07 – 00:29:25:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Even if they’re uncomfortable to you a little bit. They might be those those angels that.

00:29:25:27 – 00:29:27:10
Jimmy Durbin
Especially if they’re uncomfortable.

00:29:27:10 – 00:29:34:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
To express you. Yes, especially if they are. So, you know. Yeah.

00:29:35:25 – 00:29:56:22
Brad Singletary
You said something earlier about what the guy said to you when you were in. He said, you know, what is your plan? He said, What about the plan to go and learn to love your wife? And that’s an interesting thought about learning to love, because I guess maybe when we’re younger, we just think, you know, you either love someone or you don’t.

00:29:56:22 – 00:30:17:28
Brad Singletary
And but this is like you have to learn how to love. What did that mean to you back then and what were the kinds of things you needed to learn? Like you you obviously were interested in her. You married her. You have a family. You know, you’re she’s a beautiful to this day, a beautiful woman. I mean, but you had to learn how to love what does that mean?

00:30:19:22 – 00:30:48:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s a great question. And maybe a little more background would be helpful. So I met my wife when when I was at BYU, we fell in love immediately was just instant infatuation. And so we got engaged two weeks later and married three months later. Now, it’s public knowledge now, but it but it wasn’t for years. But my wife had had a child when she was in her senior year of high school.

00:30:49:04 – 00:31:12:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
And this was a by the way, she told me about it immediately when we got we’re starting to get serious and of course, as a young guy, I’m like, oh, no problem. Well, she had given the child up for adoption. And back then, adoptions were were very private. Right. So I guess I always felt this little bit of maybe jealousy.

00:31:12:13 – 00:31:40:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Maybe maybe she didn’t love me as much as she loved her boyfriend. Who she had the child with. So, you know, just inadequacies on my part. Right. And being vulnerable is the right word. But I should add that for many, many years, until we were able to by the grace of God, three years ago, we were able to make contact with this.

00:31:40:17 – 00:31:40:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:31:41:09 – 00:31:41:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And.

00:31:42:01 – 00:32:13:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, he’s just wonderful. It’s everything we ever dreamed of. That’s maybe a story for another day. But anyways, so I just always felt like, you know, kind of second fiddle just, you know, and I realized one thing this bishop did is he said, you know, the first thing we’re going to do is we’re going to fly that guy down from Oregon because he and Paula, your wife, they never had really a chance to to separate.

00:32:14:03 – 00:32:33:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
And then, by the way, there was nothing going on with Paula and her ex boyfriend for for all those years were married, nothing like that at all. But my bishop could tell that there was something holding me and Paula from progressing and one of the it was just a really out of the box thinking, right? Yeah.

00:32:33:03 – 00:32:33:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
We’re going to we’re going to.

00:32:33:28 – 00:32:42:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Fly down her ex-boyfriend so they can walk up and down the strip and say goodbye to each other because they never got a chance to years ago because Paula’s parents.

00:32:42:01 – 00:32:46:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Broke them up. Wow. What a risky move. Yeah. I’m like the heck you are.

00:32:49:11 – 00:32:51:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he did it. He did it, OK.

00:32:51:20 – 00:33:21:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
And it was wonderful because for some reason, it released my heart and and I was able to say, yeah, she she does love me and everything’s OK. And this guy had gone on and married and has a wonderful family and like I said, just a few years ago, by the grace of God in that app, 24 in me, we were able to finally, after all these years, find this this child and man just awesome.

00:33:21:00 – 00:33:21:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:33:21:12 – 00:33:22:15
Brad Singletary
That’s super awesome.

00:33:23:26 – 00:33:50:12
Jimmy Durbin
So when Brad asked that question, the way I heard it, the way I heard him ask, that is I choose who I love. And I heard that in your story. And then I love my choice. Right. And so how else in your years of marriage with your sweetheart and under what circumstances and situations have you had to learn to continue to love your choice?

00:33:50:21 – 00:33:52:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, it’s great.

00:33:54:01 – 00:34:10:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
One thing my mom said to my wife and I often in our first number of years of marriage is you’re not dating. You got to keep dating. You got to get out of town a couple of days. I’ll watch the kids. But again, in my stubborn self, you know, I just need to work. I need.

00:34:10:20 – 00:34:11:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
To. Right.

00:34:12:23 – 00:34:38:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, you know, after 1995, I took that counsel and so we began to date every Friday night. We don’t miss now I was on a campout or something. We’d go out Saturday night. We then began to take a trip once a year, twice a year for a week away from the kids. But the most important thing, getting back to that old bishop, he said every day do an act of kindness for her every day.

00:34:39:06 – 00:34:46:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said the same thing to her every day, every day, every day. He said every day. So you know how many candy.

00:34:46:07 – 00:34:50:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Bars I’ve woken up over the years? She still thinks my greatest joy in life.

00:34:50:26 – 00:34:54:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Is a is a Hershey’s it’s not Hershey’s a CS.

00:34:54:07 – 00:34:55:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Sucker. It is a.

00:34:55:24 – 00:34:57:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Second greatest joy life.

00:34:57:03 – 00:35:03:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
But so I found a lot of those. In the meantime, I’m I watched a lot of dishes.

00:35:03:04 – 00:35:12:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And, you know, just, hey, I’m going to the kitchen. I’m just you want water? Do you want anything? You know, common sense things, right? We love those. We serve. We we know the contents.

00:35:12:12 – 00:35:13:00
Jimmy Durbin
Of little things.

00:35:13:00 – 00:35:18:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, but but if we’re not serving someone, we it’s really difficult to love them.

00:35:19:01 – 00:35:42:17
Brad Singletary
I notice you’ve done that so much. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t know if it’s a good place to transition, but you’ve done a lot of service throughout your life. So you talked about the charity thing in the beginning. You know, sharing that with young attorneys. You know, if you’re if you’re not paying anything to charity, you may not be ready to start your own practice that represents an attitude of giving and sacrifice.

00:35:42:28 – 00:36:01:29
Brad Singletary
Talk about some of the other things you’ve done. You mentioned camping trip. Was that like scouting type stuff? You’ve done some you’ve done some volunteer teaching. You’ve done the most recently. I think I’ve seen you do a stuff at a like a homeless shelter maybe, or talk about some service opportunities that you’ve taken advantage of.

00:36:02:10 – 00:36:22:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I’m pretty involved with the Las Vegas rescue mission. You know, I didn’t know anything about the Las Vegas rescue mission. And here I was serving as a bishop in the LDS Church, and somebody called me one day and said, Hey, we’ve got this 18 year old boy here from Colorado. Can you meet with him? Yeah, try to help.

00:36:22:22 – 00:36:43:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I meet with him and I realize I don’t know what to do. With this boy. You, the way nice kid moved in from Colorado was was not LDS. He just showed up to Vegas wanted to start a new life. So I called my wife. That’s always a good place to start, honey. I got this kid in my office.

00:36:43:04 – 00:36:51:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know what to do with him. I mean, what am I going to do? Give him a food order or something? I can’t move them into our house because we’ve got daughters at home still. And she said.

00:36:51:24 – 00:36:52:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
We’ll call.

00:36:53:00 – 00:37:15:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Heather Gibbons. I said, Oh, I know Heather Gibbons. So I called Heather. And Heather just is well connected in Las Vegas as far as just knowing where the charities are, knowing what resources are available. I said, Heather, can you come see me? She shot right over to my office. She said, OK, but here’s what you do. You take this boy to the Las Vegas rescue mission.

00:37:15:27 – 00:37:39:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
They will put him up for a couple of weeks, no questions asked. They’ll feed him. And during the day, he’s got to leave the premises, go out, try to get a job. Come back at night. I said, Well, I don’t know much about this place, but I like this a lot. So I started to learn about it. And, you know, every night at 5:00 as you may know, they they open their doors and they’ll give anybody a meal, no question asked.

00:37:40:23 – 00:38:15:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love that. But I tell you what I love more is that they want to help people with addiction. And somehow, some way, they hope that out of the four and 500 people that they feed one meal a day or two, that a few may come forward and say, I don’t want to fight the addiction anymore. And the first thing they ask for unless something is changed, which I don’t think it has, is they’ll take you in for long term addiction, recovery but you got to give them your phone number.

00:38:16:10 – 00:38:38:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
You got to get rid of your sources. And if you’re not ready to give up the phone, you’re not ready to get help yet. I just fell in love with the organization, so I began to contribute more resources and time to do that organization. There’s many more out there. You know, it’s finding a charitable organization that you connect with shouldn’t be too.

00:38:38:01 – 00:38:39:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Difficult for most of us.

00:38:39:12 – 00:38:48:29
Brad Singletary
So why do you do it? I mean, why you’re busy. You’ve got a law practice, you’ve got five children and grandchildren. You got, I’m guessing, what, season tickets to the Golden Knights?

00:38:48:29 – 00:38:57:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I do I mean, there’s a lot of stuff going on that’s part of that. A motorcycle Corvette. You got to got wife. You got everything.

00:38:57:13 – 00:39:03:05
Brad Singletary
Like, what makes you want to go to the Las Vegas rescue or whatever places to serve? What makes you do that?

00:39:04:07 – 00:39:29:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I guess I’ve never thought about it that much. It’s just maybe it’s innate, maybe it’s natural. Or maybe it’s because, I mean, how many people have just stepped out over the years and either lended me a hand or I remember one time we were driving back from Sacramento excuse me, from Las Vegas to Sacramento. The year was 1993.

00:39:30:17 – 00:39:55:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
So picture this. I got my wife, I’ve got two kids in the back in this rag down old Hyundai, and we’re heading up to 95 to go through Reno on Memorial Day to get back to Sacramento, to go to law school. And I break down in the sweltering heat this was before cell phones. I look at Paula and I said, what do we do now?

00:39:56:04 – 00:40:24:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Pray. Well, we’ll pray. So we prayed right then this guy pulls up behind me and he’s an older fella. So I got out of the car and I met him and he said it looks like you got a problem. I said, I do, I, I blew the timing belt. He said, and I said, why did you stop? He said, I was in my home up in Yerington, Nevada, up the road a number of miles.

00:40:24:24 – 00:40:31:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I looked to my wife and I said, hey, we need to go. We need to go right now. She’s like, Where are we going? He says, I don’t know, but we’re going somewhere.

00:40:33:27 – 00:40:50:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And anyways, to make a long story short, we piled my wife, myself, and those two kids into their car. You know, they could have just taken this to Reno and dumped us at a hotel for the evening, but they didn’t do that. They took us all the way to Sacramento that night.

00:40:50:26 – 00:40:51:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:40:52:07 – 00:41:11:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so you know, when you have people over the years that reach out to you and just help a little bit, it’s just not hard to give back, right? I feel like I hold my. All right. I owe my whole life try in some way to give back for all the blessings I have. I mean, I just I’ve just been blessed.

00:41:11:22 – 00:41:11:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean.

00:41:12:07 – 00:41:45:21
Brad Singletary
That’s why you’re here when I say, you know what? What makes you do it? You said I didn’t even think of it. I mean, you’re sacrificing. I know that you’re donating. You know, money, time, resources, every, you know, volunteering over there. And I’ve also seen you re try to recruit people. So we’re friends on Facebook. And I’ve seen this, so, hey, they need, you know, we need an extra server or two tonight, you know, like you’re arranging these things and you’re not only going there for yourself, but you’re bringing some folks along with you, like that kind of leadership toward something so selfless.

00:41:45:21 – 00:41:50:05
Brad Singletary
I mean, that’s just, you know, coolest kind of man. Yeah.

00:41:50:20 – 00:42:12:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, I like I really like somebody’ll tell me, hey, listen, I’m having problems with my teenage kid. He’s just he or she’s just they’re becoming abstinent or they’re just they’re becoming secluded and they don’t want to help anybody. And they’re back talking. I said, all right, I’ll pick you up at 345. You and the kid so I’ll bring him in the kid to the shelter.

00:42:13:12 – 00:42:29:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And after a night at the shelter, that kid those eyes are opened up a little bit about about real life. So I think that’s a nice way kind of to give back to you, I guess. Not that I’m, you know, I’m just trying to help a kid. Yeah. Who? Right.

00:42:30:08 – 00:42:39:04
Brad Singletary
Some perspective. He gets to serve. He gets to contribute, but he also takes away something from that, too. Absolutely. And I’m sure you do, too. I’m sure there’s some.

00:42:39:10 – 00:42:40:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Every time.

00:42:40:07 – 00:42:52:10
Brad Singletary
No gratitude and just some. And I can just picture you’re you’re sitting there, you know, with a prayer in your heart for these people. And, you know, you’re you’re trying to extend love and positive energy while you’re there.

00:42:52:20 – 00:43:13:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Can you imagine just one person out of the 500 saying, tonight, I’m going to start over and all of a sudden they go through their the program over there and then they go get educated or get into a profession. And ten years down the road, they’re taking people to the rescue mission to get help. Right. That’s the that’s the payback, right?

00:43:13:14 – 00:43:14:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Pay it forward.

00:43:14:09 – 00:43:15:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You pay for it.

00:43:15:11 – 00:43:15:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes.

00:43:16:02 – 00:43:36:28
Brad Singletary
So how did you learn to be a man? You’ve got all these great qualities. I just I really think that there are some men out there and you you guys seem you who are listening. You know what I’m talking about? You just see people in every aspect of their life just seems seriously good. No one’s perfect, but you can just tell that they are bringing a lot to the table.

00:43:36:28 – 00:43:39:28
Brad Singletary
And I think you do that. But who taught you how to be a man?

00:43:40:28 – 00:43:44:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I don’t know. I think I’m still learning. That’s why they always had me work.

00:43:44:17 – 00:43:46:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
With the youth, because I’m still a kid.

00:43:46:01 – 00:43:48:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
My wife tells me I’m a kid. I don’t really understand it.

00:43:48:22 – 00:43:49:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
She said she raised.

00:43:50:01 – 00:43:51:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Seven kids, but I’m only.

00:43:51:11 – 00:43:52:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Counting six.

00:43:53:04 – 00:44:02:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I don’t know. You know, I really do still feel like I’m learning. I do. I mean, I was listening to a grade. I like Joel Osteen. Oh, yeah. People don’t, you know.

00:44:02:26 – 00:44:05:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I like him a lot. I like him, man. You know.

00:44:05:10 – 00:44:33:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
He’s positive and just I was just listening to one of his talks the other day about learning like I never get too old that learn. So he went on for 35 minutes about things we can do to learn you know, he said that every year most people spend 300 hours in an automobile. He said, do you realize in 300 hours how much you can learn if you listen to it, talk or listen to something to.

00:44:33:07 – 00:44:34:21
Brad Singletary
Make your video book or something.

00:44:34:21 – 00:44:35:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
To teach us if you’re.

00:44:35:24 – 00:44:53:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Into sales, how to become a better salesperson and if you’re a lawyer, how to be a writer, you can go on and on, you know, if you’re working in the church as a pastor or whatever. But the concept was, don’t ever quit learning. And so I think I’m still working on this being a man thing. I still like a little bit of risk.

00:44:53:15 – 00:45:15:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
I still like a joke a lot. Sometimes it go over well, sometimes I don’t. But I think it started out with my dad. You know, my dad, he was he’s a big time hero to me. He was raised here in Las Vegas in I guess he was born in 1937 and so other four or 5000 people in Las Vegas then.

00:45:16:08 – 00:45:35:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he comes from a pretty troubled background. He was in and out of facilities and he fell in love with my mom when he’s about 14 or 15 years old. But my mom came from a good background and my grandpa had enough of my dad. So my grandpa had the sheriff take my dad on the edge of Las Vegas and say don’t come back.

00:45:36:10 – 00:45:37:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
So my dad.

00:45:38:02 – 00:46:00:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
So my dad ends up working in orange farms in Visalia, California, and then he went to San Francisco. In the meantime, my mom had been married, had a child, and my dad got word that she was going through a divorce. So he hauled back to Vegas and he saw her at one of these like little happy days diners in the fifties.

00:46:00:06 – 00:46:23:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. And he her nickname was Shorty. He said, Shorty, you know, we’ve been apart a long time. Don’t you think we should just get married now? And she said, yes. And he became a man. He became a man. And I never saw my parents fight. They never made much money, but they always worked together. They did everything together.

00:46:23:21 – 00:46:41:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
They were just buddies. And, you know, some of his techniques were kind of fun. Like he told us one time, us boys, I don’t think I’m going to ask you again to make your beds he never got angry. Well, we didn’t make our bed. The next day, our beds were on top. The roof.

00:46:42:18 – 00:46:42:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
There was all.

00:46:42:29 – 00:46:46:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kinds of things on top there. If I’m 56 St.Louis bicycle.

00:46:46:09 – 00:46:54:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Parts shoes, it didn’t get put away. A bed sits on the roof, but he never got angry.

00:46:55:14 – 00:47:07:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
He anger was not in his makeup, so he would discipline, but never with anger. Oh, my gosh. That sounds like Christ to me. I’m a teacher better way, but I’m not going to get angry. Angry about it.

00:47:08:27 – 00:47:12:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love that. Yeah, I’m going to try that. Yeah. No.

00:47:13:22 – 00:47:16:27
Brad Singletary
I’ll have the h.o.h. Getting after me. Like, what is all that stuff.

00:47:16:27 – 00:47:24:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
On your roof? Well, they got tile roofs now, and so i’m not sure how that would go. We had our rocks on our roof. What makes.

00:47:24:15 – 00:47:25:28
Jimmy Durbin
You think it won’t be your stuff on the.

00:47:26:04 – 00:47:26:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shelf?

00:47:28:24 – 00:47:32:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’d be careful with that one. Right. There might be.

00:47:32:24 – 00:47:51:08
Brad Singletary
So your dad was a great example of that. You said he became a man. That’s a process. That’s a like, you know, that’s it’s not just we don’t age into it. Something has to happen to us. I think. I mean, so what what did you what else did you see from him or other men in your life that demonstrated how you become a man?

00:47:52:01 – 00:47:52:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I think a.

00:47:52:19 – 00:48:13:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Lot of hard work and that was one thing is that he he had a tremendous work ethic and and, you know, that concept of like, attract like. Right. It’s just it’s a beautiful, eternal concept. Usually you’re going to attract people that are like you in some ways. Otherwise you just you just bounce off each other, right? And so I got to watch his friends too.

00:48:13:08 – 00:48:41:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
And all of them were just young, trying different businesses, you know, staying out of trouble. My mom and dad both knew they were alcoholics and one day my dad missed work. So he was very functional. But one day he missed work and he never drank again. That was it. And I thought to myself, here’s a guy that comes from nothing that has every excuse in the world because he was abused as a kid.

00:48:41:25 – 00:49:07:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
All these things to not be a man. And he decided he’s going to be a man. He’s going to be a good husband and a good father, and he’s going to work hard and be loyal. And he was all of those things he never had to say. And I watched it right. You know, when we’d go work at the track as a nine year old and an eight year old kid on a Saturday morning, pulling out of bed at four in the morning to get in the back of the truck, to ride.

00:49:07:28 – 00:49:08:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
To to go.

00:49:08:23 – 00:49:17:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Under the Charleston underpass and on to the I-15, out to Craig Road in the back of the truck. When it’s cold in the winter and hot in the summer. He didn’t have to say anything. It’s just we’re.

00:49:17:29 – 00:49:20:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Going to work. Let’s go. Right.

00:49:21:05 – 00:49:45:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I’m just blessed. Blessed to have people like that in my life all the way through. My first my first boss coming out of law school, a guy named Norm Kurtzman. Wonderful. Wonderful man, fought in World War Two. He was a boxer he was so ethical. And I remember asking him one day, hey, how many billable hours do you want from me?

00:49:46:03 – 00:49:46:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right.

00:49:46:12 – 00:49:49:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Lawyers, billable hours. Well, he was a little bit.

00:49:49:06 – 00:49:54:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cross-Eyed and he was cantankerous. And so he’s kind of looking at me, but he’s looking over there.

00:49:54:24 – 00:50:00:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, we’ve had these conversations before right I was scared of him. He says.

00:50:00:26 – 00:50:20:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Don’t you ever talk to me about billable hours. One day in my life. You give me your hours every week. And then I’m going to give the client the fair hours. Clients are not paying for your education. So you go on and you work and you learn to do the product right incorrectly. Don’t you worry about billable hours.

00:50:21:04 – 00:50:33:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, sir. Well, again, that concept concept sunk in and so when I hired my son in law and we had the same conversation about how many billable hours a week, because that’s what.

00:50:33:21 – 00:50:35:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
The law firms are telling the.

00:50:35:21 – 00:50:37:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, yeah, I said, don’t.

00:50:37:04 – 00:50:49:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
You ever talk to me about those billable hours. You give your hours to me. And then I would look at the hours. Why did it take so many hours to do that project? I’m dying over here. But after a.

00:50:49:16 – 00:50:57:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Few years, they get efficient and then they can keep their billable hours and it doesn’t matter. Right. But what a pure concept. Yes. That’s also ethical, right? Yeah.

00:50:58:07 – 00:51:19:11
Jimmy Durbin
So it’s nice to see that that those things weren’t lost on you, that you have paid it forward. That it allows you to be the man that you are and have the heart that you have and and be transparent and share this vulnerable story about the struggle you had in 95 with your wife and that all those things added up.

00:51:20:25 – 00:51:23:25
Jimmy Durbin
So thank you for that. Appreciate it.

00:51:24:13 – 00:51:45:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, no, it’s wonderful. But like I say, you asked the question, well, you know, becoming a man and and I answered it. I was kind of serious that I’m still becoming a man. So I got COVID in December of 20, 20. And it wasn’t the nice version about day 12. I said, I don’t know if I’m going to make it through this or not.

00:51:46:06 – 00:51:51:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
I never went to the hospital, but my oxygen kept getting closer to that 90. Right. That 90.

00:51:51:13 – 00:51:51:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
Mark.

00:51:52:20 – 00:52:10:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I was so miserable. Anyways, I did overcome it. And by the grace of God, I guess I got to stay on earth for a while. Longer, but a couple months after that, I began to have what you professionals refer to, and I didn’t know what they were then. Ruminating thoughts.

00:52:11:10 – 00:52:12:01
Brad Singletary
Rumination.

00:52:12:01 – 00:52:33:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
You’re you’re going to lose everything you everything you’ve worked for, you’re going to lose. You’re going to lose it. And they would not all of a sudden I was up all night sweating, heart palpitations. My wife has suffered from some anxiety and depression in her life. And one day I woke up again. This was only a year ago now and everything was dark.

00:52:34:16 – 00:52:49:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
For the first time in my life, I I’ve always been an optimist other than the 1995 heartache I’ve just been this optimist. You know, everything is going to be OK for everybody else, including myself. And then it hit me. Depression and anxiety.

00:52:50:05 – 00:52:50:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:52:50:27 – 00:53:14:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so we got me into counseling and because she said, OK, that’s it, we’re done messing with it again. Power over. Good woman. We’re done with this. You’re going to be OK. But you have to you got to listen to me. I’ll listen to you, honey, because right now I feel so low. And she said, OK, so she got me into counseling, and that was helping and but it wasn’t enough.

00:53:15:17 – 00:53:38:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so finally she got me into a psychiatrist and they put me on Lexapro, and it took about two weeks. And all of a sudden, things started to clear up. And I was like, OK, my gosh, I feel OK. Again, this is I mean, I was just so grateful. So I been open about it. I have not.

00:53:38:29 – 00:53:39:28
Brad Singletary
That is great.

00:53:40:04 – 00:53:47:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And just telling people this, you can turn this around. Sometimes we can’t, right? Sometimes.

00:53:47:19 – 00:53:59:01
Brad Singletary
Well, but so that’s good to know because I didn’t know that. But I think I might have known that you had COVID, but you were you were just been the epitome of energy. You’ve been one of those guys. I mean, you’re a runner right? You’re still running.

00:53:59:01 – 00:53:59:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
I am still running.

00:53:59:28 – 00:54:05:08
Brad Singletary
You’re a runner. I mean, you’ve done like marathons and. Right. You’ve done all that. You’re like a real runner.

00:54:06:05 – 00:54:12:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m serious. Like, I’m like me and if I run, I’ve got to go to the bathroom, you know, if somebody is chasing me. Yes. Yes.

00:54:13:26 – 00:54:18:12
Brad Singletary
So you so health and energy and that kind of thing. But to talk about.

00:54:18:18 – 00:54:18:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Total.

00:54:18:28 – 00:54:27:28
Brad Singletary
Crashing after this COVID thing, having some thoughts that maybe seem to be out of control, get help. Listen to your wife, start counseling and medication and. Yeah.

00:54:29:02 – 00:54:31:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why you’re here. Well, she told me, she.

00:54:31:05 – 00:54:42:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
Said, but you never do medication without counseling, ever. Well, how would I have known something like that? Other than that, she’d been down the path. I’m like, OK, I’m listening to you. I’m all ears.

00:54:42:23 – 00:54:58:20
Brad Singletary
Was there any was there any hesitation or I mean, were you it was just that bad that you would do anything bad? What about a year ago? What about in the past? Would you have been the type to I mean, I think it’s clearly that you’re pretty humble, but you also have you got a smart aleck in there.

00:54:58:20 – 00:55:13:28
Brad Singletary
You know, you’ve got you got some you got you have a rowdy sense about you, too, you know? So, like, did that ever have would you always have been OK with that or is there some old school part of you is like, I don’t need that you had to fight through.

00:55:14:14 – 00:55:47:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, not at all. And I don’t say that with any false sense of humility, but it was so miserable. I always thought I understood kind of what depression was or anxiety was because I’ve read about it, lived with it, saw other family members with it, but I didn’t understand it until it hit and I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody except for the lessons learned blessings come from it.

00:55:47:28 – 00:56:14:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
And one of the blessings is through counseling. I learned, you know, how to meditate more, how to get myself more in the present. I mean, I just remember going to dinner and looking at my cell phone 25 times thinking there’s an important email that’s going to come or an important text message. And now I go to dinner and I put my phone to the side and I look at my wife’s hair or I say, I can stay totally in this conversation now without thinking of anything else.

00:56:14:06 – 00:56:37:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
But being sitting right here with two wonderful men in the city of Henderson, Nevada, with lights on and air conditioning blowing, counting my blessings and I could never do that before, even though I always felt like I was kind of a humble guy. I could never stay completely present and so I remember talking to the counselor a while back.

00:56:37:24 – 00:56:49:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
He said, What do you worry about? I said, I don’t ever want to feel like I felt a year ago any good counselor just like yourself, Brad. He said, But would you be open to it?

00:56:51:02 – 00:57:07:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, I guess I would be, because right now I’m going to live in the moment. I’m going to live right now. I’m going to consider the lease of the field. I’m not going to take a purse or scrape with me anymore. Yes, I’ll save for the future. Yes, I’ll still plan for the, you know, the things that I can control.

00:57:09:17 – 00:57:10:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I’m going to live today.

00:57:11:26 – 00:57:23:22
Brad Singletary
That’s another one of those things that I’ve just been so impressed with, as I’ve kind of just watched you from a distance here the last few years. I mean, you see things like, you know, you’re dancing that at the hockey games.

00:57:24:15 – 00:57:25:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Like a fool.

00:57:25:25 – 00:57:27:26
Brad Singletary
And when I say like a fool, I mean, there is.

00:57:27:26 – 00:57:30:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Nothing foolish about it. That’s a man who’s alive.

00:57:30:28 – 00:57:34:29
Brad Singletary
You’re not afraid of what you look like. You don’t have much rhythm. Why are you kind of that’s pretty.

00:57:34:29 – 00:57:38:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Good, you know, rhythm. But that’s not the point you’re feeling.

00:57:38:04 – 00:57:47:11
Brad Singletary
The music, you’re feeling the environment or or there’ll be these like, I forget what you call them, but these are little like, you know, donuts with the granddaughters day or whatever.

00:57:47:11 – 00:57:49:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that’s every Friday. Every Friday.

00:57:49:12 – 00:57:53:24
Brad Singletary
OK, so you got some little rituals where the grandkids come over for mourning or what happened?

00:57:53:24 – 00:57:58:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
No, no, no. I get up, I get my exercise in. I hit the donut shop and then I show up at their house.

00:57:58:17 – 00:57:59:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
You go to their house, I.

00:57:59:16 – 00:58:00:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Go to their house.

00:58:00:23 – 00:58:01:18
Brad Singletary
Like, here’s some.

00:58:01:23 – 00:58:04:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Here’s some big old fries. You go.

00:58:04:09 – 00:58:11:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, that’s right. Yes. And then we we actually send donuts to the ones that live in California because we can’t be there. Right, all the time having delivered there.

00:58:11:17 – 00:58:14:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
So we haven’t delivered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a pretty.

00:58:14:27 – 00:58:18:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cheap way to say, Hey, Grandpa and Grandma, I was thinking about you, right?

00:58:18:20 – 00:58:20:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I guess so. Yeah. No, we have a good time.

00:58:20:27 – 00:58:41:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I think ever since I was young, I think it was my dad, too, probably. But trying to make somebody smile, right? You know? I mean, it matters. Maybe that’s the only time they’re going to smile the whole day. Maybe for a week. It’s the only little bit of joy they’ve had. You just never know what is going on in somebody else’s life.

00:58:41:11 – 00:58:51:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I think that’s kind of an innate gift. I really do. Right? You know, maybe sometimes it’s not a gift at all. Sometimes it goes too far. And I got to answer to the boss, if you know what I mean.

00:58:51:25 – 00:58:57:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m not talking to God. I’m talking to the other boss. My eternal boss. So sometimes I go.

00:58:57:25 – 00:59:00:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Too far and I kind of back it off a little.

00:59:00:21 – 00:59:05:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Bit. But it’s OK. She’s she’s learned she’s had.

00:59:05:12 – 00:59:06:08
Brad Singletary
To learn how to love.

00:59:06:08 – 00:59:07:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
You, too. Oh, yeah.

00:59:08:08 – 00:59:09:07
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. That part of you.

00:59:09:17 – 00:59:10:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, right. Yeah.

00:59:10:12 – 00:59:52:18
Jimmy Durbin
Grab nice and talk about you know, today I call myself Jimmy but for 42 years prior to that, it was Jim. And then when I got into recovery realizing the individual, the part of me that crosses the line, that pushes it too far is my ego, is my pride, and it’s being driven because of maybe that my feeling or I’m feeling insecure insignificant or that I don’t matter, I did something wrong or I’m not in control.

00:59:53:23 – 01:00:13:20
Jimmy Durbin
And so I’m trying to my ego’s trying to make up. Jim’s trying to drive the car, so to speak. And I’m just curious as to what you’ve noticed, because I think that’s the other thing about being a man is being able to talk about our weaknesses, about being able to kind of own that piece of it so that we can then apologize, like you said.

01:00:13:20 – 01:00:32:00
Jimmy Durbin
And, and of course. Correct, right. In that part of awareness and being mindfulness. And so how does that show up in your life? How does that manifest when when that ego, when that pride kind of kicks in? And what’s your process for OK, being aware of that and then of course, correcting.

01:00:32:11 – 01:00:32:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

01:00:33:28 – 01:00:58:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
In in my business, right. A lawyer, there’s just so much of that and I’m guilty of it as the next person. But I think the man upstairs has been kind to me in that I usually know when I go too far. I remember I remember years ago I had a case with this guy and it was just getting more and more contentious, more and more contentious.

01:00:59:15 – 01:01:05:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
And finally I said something I shouldn’t have said. So he turned me into the Nevada State Bar.

01:01:05:18 – 01:01:07:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
And wrote a letter.

01:01:07:02 – 01:01:10:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
On me, said, Mr. Williams told me to go f myself.

01:01:13:07 – 01:01:21:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I made a call. I got a call from bar counsel. Is this puts Williams? Yes, sir. Now, when bar counsel calls you, you’re.

01:01:21:13 – 01:01:21:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shaking.

01:01:22:02 – 01:01:26:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right did you tell that lawyer to go F himself?

01:01:26:25 – 01:01:27:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, I did.

01:01:28:17 – 01:01:35:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you not do that anymore? No, I won’t. And I’ve never done it again. But things have heated up over the years.

01:01:35:11 – 01:02:03:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Another situation that I had with a lawyer that I just love and respect, but it just, you know, our clients are going at it so heavy. And so we start sometimes take upon ourselves the personality of our clients, and it just went too far. And so I just thought about it. After a contentious conversation, shut my door, got on my knees in my office, prayed to God that, you know, hey, listen, we’re only fighting about money here or something, right?

01:02:03:13 – 01:02:25:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
In the big scheme of things. And the impression was send him a cookie basket to his firm right now. So I asked Robin, my assistant, would you send a cookie basket over there? And that healed it just like that one cookie basket. And we were healed and we were fine. We’ve had probably 40 cases with our respective firms over the years, and they’ve all resolved, you know, in a friendly fashion.

01:02:25:29 – 01:02:46:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I think just like you said, we all all of us have egos and they’re going to come through sometimes. And if we just have certain rituals in our lives and things we can we can keep some humility, right? It’s not always going to happen, but we know when it’s gone too far. We know when the red flag comes up, right?

01:02:46:14 – 01:03:05:24
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. And like, I appreciate that word, ritual finding a series of actions that I can take every day regardless of how I feel. And I to me, that plugs into why you do the service and why you pay for it and why you talk to these men. It’s just having this ritual to keep the ego in check.

01:03:06:14 – 01:03:35:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. And everybody has their own way. I mean, I get up every morning and I’ll read scriptures for 20, 30 minutes and then I’ll exercise and then I’ll get going for the day. And if someone says, well you have to be up at 430 tomorrow, then I guess I get it. I’m getting a bit 3:00 because I’m concerned about ever changing that that, that thing, if you will, for lack of a better word, that I feel has carried me in life.

01:03:35:29 – 01:03:44:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, academically I really, really struggled in high school I graduated deal with Las Vegas High School with a 2.2 GPA.

01:03:44:28 – 01:03:46:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I never thought this guy.

01:03:46:14 – 01:04:03:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
Was going to college. Right. It was I just, you know, I just couldn’t sit in a room without and focus on an academic things very well. And then I went on that mission well, when I was on that mission, they had this little prize you would get if you memorized a hundred scriptures.

01:04:04:15 – 01:04:06:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, I really had to work hard at that.

01:04:06:25 – 01:04:20:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I did it took me six months or something, but I memorized every one of them. Well, again, you’re in your younger years, right? And you’re thinking maybe I could go to college but when I came home, by the grace of.

01:04:20:23 – 01:04:28:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
God, you and Elvie would let anybody and even me. It was a long time ago. It’s not that way anymore. I’m sure but they let me.

01:04:28:06 – 01:04:29:05
Brad Singletary
I’ve been a fan for.

01:04:29:05 – 01:04:31:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Life ever since. Oh, you bet I am.

01:04:31:27 – 01:04:53:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I signed up for college again. Never thought. And none of my family member had ever got family members had ever gone to college that all of a sudden I said, Hey, listen, it’s taking you three and four times to understand complicated concepts when the guy next to you gets it. The first time I recognized that very early in my life.

01:04:54:05 – 01:05:15:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I said, you better learn persistence so I’ve made my mind up very early. You might beat me, you might beat me in the courtroom, you might beat me in a debate. But I’m going to work harder because I know I have to work two or three times harder than you to be able to stay with you in this arena.

01:05:16:21 – 01:05:32:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I think, again, by the gift of God, you learn your weaknesses. If you if you ask them and if you spend some time at them and then you just work through them, just you know, if brains, natural brains is not your not your thing, well then persistence better be.

01:05:33:23 – 01:05:55:27
Brad Singletary
And that’s so great. You’re just the openness to like, OK, I may have this deficiency in some area, but I still want and deserve and believe that I can reach these other accomplishments. I just have to work harder. I mean, that is one of those traits that’s that’s some of the, you know, traditional masculinity that seems to be missing today is just, oh, OK.

01:05:56:04 – 01:06:15:01
Brad Singletary
Well, guess it means I need to work hard. I guess I need to push harder and I can do this. I just have to it’s going to require more from me and I love that you that you’re saying this right now. Like, OK, I, you know, didn’t even do well in high school. Now you’re an attorney, now you’re balling.

01:06:15:01 – 01:06:29:07
Brad Singletary
Now because of hard work and persistence and that discipline. So you’re talking about a little bit of a morning ritual. You have some you talked about reading scripture exercise. Is that running pretty much mostly or.

01:06:29:07 – 01:06:47:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’ll run four or five days a week and go to the gym and lift weights a couple of days a week. Just something to get the blood flow right. It’s getting harder as you get older, but I don’t miss very often. Even this morning before church, I walked six miles. I just I just need to be out breathing air and thinking and focusing.

01:06:47:25 – 01:07:00:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I usually listen to a talk or something positive or listen to good music. Nothing too crazy on the you know, I might be the only person in the gym that’s listening to a, you know.

01:07:00:05 – 01:07:06:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
A spiritual, spiritual thought or spiritual music. Because I’m trying to get my spirit.

01:07:06:17 – 01:07:08:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Tuned up before the world takes.

01:07:08:21 – 01:07:10:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
Over at about 8:00 because the.

01:07:10:28 – 01:07:12:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
World’s coming right.

01:07:12:06 – 01:07:12:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Every day.

01:07:13:10 – 01:07:30:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I’m just trying to tune upright, and some people don’t have to do that. Mike, my wife, is a very simple faith. I wish I could be more like her. Like her faith in her hope is just so she doesn’t need an hour to do that every day. Well, guess what I do or my ego will take over.

01:07:31:16 – 01:07:33:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I just have to know where you are right now.

01:07:33:16 – 01:07:34:28
Jimmy Durbin
Great awareness. Yeah.

01:07:35:16 – 01:07:55:07
Brad Singletary
I have a couple more questions for you, but one is what major error do you see men making? You’ve been around a lot of guys. You’ve been around a lot of people professionally as a leader. And you talk about as a as a bishop. I know you’ve done some things with the young people in your church. You’ve had like lots of opportunities to serve.

01:07:55:07 – 01:08:18:04
Brad Singletary
Just you’ve been a community man. I mean, you’ve been all around the place. What do you see guys messing up on what? I mean, if our average listener is a 40 year old father, let’s say younger father, you know, maybe has a couple of kids working fairly functional, but what kinds of things do you think average guys are missing out on or not doing well?

01:08:18:04 – 01:08:23:04
Brad Singletary
Not paying enough attention to mistakes they’re making see any patterns.

01:08:25:05 – 01:08:28:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
I think one is just trying to learn to listen.

01:08:29:06 – 01:08:31:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
It brings me back.

01:08:31:09 – 01:08:35:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
To the Bishop days. A couple would come in and be at each other’s throats.

01:08:35:21 – 01:08:39:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, it’s his fault. It’s her fault, it’s his fault, it’s her fault.

01:08:40:00 – 01:08:44:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
And at first I thought I had answers that, well, I this is.

01:08:44:09 – 01:08:49:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
A real easy fix, you know, maybe, maybe you guys should do this. Maybe you should do that. That didn’t seem.

01:08:49:23 – 01:09:04:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
To work very well. And then it hit me one day. Just let him have it out a little bit. Just listen. Just slow down and listen. And once I did that, they would go, boom.

01:09:04:07 – 01:09:15:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Boom, boom. And then they would look at me like I was a miracle worker. Hey, that was great. Oh, my high five. I didn’t say anything. I just listened so.

01:09:16:27 – 01:09:47:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, it’s the best thing in life. Well, that’s that’s an exaggeration, but one of the wonderful things in life is maybe you are the smartest person in the room, but nobody has to know about it. You know, when you walk into a room and you’re humble and you’re listening, then people want to talk to you, then you know what the issues are, whether it be your wife or your child or somebody you’re trying to mentor, you don’t know the issues.

01:09:47:05 – 01:10:09:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
If you begin to talk to you quick, you just got to listen. And guess what? Listening takes time so that’s to me, it’s I know it sounds so simple, but it’s not simple. But if but if we and I I’m still working on this. Trust me, if we’ll work on the concept of listening, we’re probably going to go pretty far in life.

01:10:11:00 – 01:10:23:23
Brad Singletary
What keeps guys from listening and why don’t they? You’re saying it takes some time to do that and maybe patience, but what else? What other obstacles do men have keep them? Why don’t we listen very well?

01:10:23:23 – 01:10:24:20
Jimmy Durbin
Can I jump in here?

01:10:24:20 – 01:10:26:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, yeah, jump in. Yeah.

01:10:27:15 – 01:10:51:06
Jimmy Durbin
Feedback. I got quite a bit in my late twenties and thirties. Jimmy, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care because it was always about me. I always wanted to impress you. I was coming from a place of, you know, negative beliefs about myself or whatever the situation was. Or I had to prove myself.

01:10:51:06 – 01:11:17:21
Jimmy Durbin
And so I had to be the smart, you know, whatever that was. And so I wasn’t listening. I was talking about me and I just kept hearing this feedback from different people in my life at different times of, like, just shut up and lead with your heart. And I think when I first walked in that same space with you, that’s what hit me was here’s a guy who I can see his heart.

01:11:17:21 – 01:11:24:24
Jimmy Durbin
I can see the love in your eyes. I can it radiates in your face, this countenance, the glow, despite the fact that you’re bald.

01:11:25:03 – 01:11:45:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
You ready? And you see the glow there. You see, I had like five years left at the front and I lifted off and my wife’s like, word your hair go. I said, Honey, somebody took a picture of my bald head two weeks ago and showed it to me. So I just finished the job yeah. I think it’d stay in that way now, but I don’t know.

01:11:45:03 – 01:11:46:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Looks good. It looks good.

01:11:47:26 – 01:11:49:00
Brad Singletary
Kind of like it myself.

01:11:49:00 – 01:11:52:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, it’s not bad. But. No, I know.

01:11:52:12 – 01:12:16:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
It’s it. It takes time. It’s a it’s a skill. I’m still working on it sometimes. But you met. You answered your own question. You might not know that, knowing that you did, because we’re moving along, but you said two things. Time and patience to be a listener. It’s going to take some time time’s only measured in men, so we have a limited amount of it.

01:12:16:02 – 01:12:20:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
So that leads into the next thing. A 40 year old guy with three kids at home.

01:12:20:20 – 01:12:21:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
He don’t have a lot of time.

01:12:21:28 – 01:12:35:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
In his mind. He’s like, I got to go here. I got this, I got that, and impatience. And most of us are not born with that one, right? So we have to learn it over time. So time and patience.

01:12:36:09 – 01:12:57:01
Brad Singletary
I think, too, that if you believe that there is something valuable coming from the other person, I mean, to listen also requires that you respect who’s talking and you respect who’s who’s out there. Even if it’s your children, they’ll tell you important things if you just listen. I remember listening to a an audio book or, I don’t know, some influencer of some kind.

01:12:57:01 – 01:13:07:18
Brad Singletary
And he said he was talking about like your wife complaining at you or something. And he said, you want that data, that’s information you want. Don’t act like don’t shut yourself down.

01:13:07:28 – 01:13:08:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
Hear it.

01:13:09:17 – 01:13:16:01
Brad Singletary
Hear it, and then you can do something and then you can minimize it by taking action and listen. But you have to listen first.

01:13:16:08 – 01:13:43:05
Jimmy Durbin
And I think what comes with that time and patience, at least for me, was the realization that no matter who was in front of me, there is value. They have something to offer. But because of my ego and my pride and my judgment, you don’t have you don’t have anything offer. And that is that is the ego. That is my pride of of believing that and instilling that.

01:13:43:05 – 01:13:44:28
Jimmy Durbin
And so I don’t have to listen.

01:13:45:23 – 01:14:09:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
That is so good. Before I came here, I was at a different meeting, and this church leader stood up and he said, I want to show you this picture, and it’s a picture of Christ. And he’s getting ready to heal someone, but you can’t see the person he’s healing. He goes, Do you notice that kids and he’s talking to a group of kids, even this 56 year old kid.

01:14:09:16 – 01:14:43:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I’m like, I know where he’s going with this. He says, Christ can’t see the person when you go serve someone you never want to think that they are less than you or anyone else. In other words, you want to be on the same plane. Everybody’s got a story, and it’s usually a pretty good story. And when you take time to listen to anyone, you’re going to probably get some nuggets that are going to bless your life.

01:14:43:20 – 01:14:55:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean, I’m sitting there listening to you guys today and I’m just thinking, man, I’m just learning from these guys. They think they know I’m learning. I’m sitting here learning from these guys, you know.

01:14:56:05 – 01:14:57:11
Jimmy Durbin
Which is why men need men.

01:14:57:20 – 01:14:59:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why I’m in me then.

01:14:59:11 – 01:15:17:10
Brad Singletary
That’s right. That is exactly why. So tell me something that you’re still trying to figure out about life. You know, you’re saying you’re 56, you’re still growing, still learning to be a man, but literally something that you want to still maybe begin or still round off in your life.

01:15:17:24 – 01:15:51:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I saw that question is a precursor. What am I what am I still trying to learn so this is going to sound a little generic, but but I do mean it. I’m still trying to learn more about the nature of God. I’m still trying to understand how you know, his compassion can be there for even a guy like me raised in downtown Las Vegas, maybe I’m still trying to get better at my profession.

01:15:52:06 – 01:16:15:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean, I’ve thought about this concept of retiring and, you know, these types of things and just doesn’t feel right. It just feels like I can still learn and maybe be of some benefit to my clients. If. Right, if they want me to do something that maybe I can help them with it, you know? So I think it’s just this concept of ever learning ever learning whatever’s around us.

01:16:16:11 – 01:16:20:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. So we’ll see.

01:16:20:13 – 01:16:45:24
Brad Singletary
So what is the most alpha attribute about you? And we just I just did a podcast before this one that I’m kind of trying to define that because I hate the way the world looks at the alpha male that’s such an ugly caricature. But Alpha being the highest part of you, you know, the best, purest, most, you know, the most, the strongest brightest piece inside you.

01:16:45:24 – 01:16:54:16
Brad Singletary
What is, what is that for you? Something that you can really be proud of and own as a talent or gift. What’s special about you? What is your superpower?

01:16:55:24 – 01:16:56:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know.

01:16:57:14 – 01:16:58:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I saw that.

01:16:58:05 – 01:17:00:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Question, too, and I wanted to punch that thing down the.

01:17:00:27 – 01:17:03:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Field. You know, but then I.

01:17:03:22 – 01:17:09:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
When I painted it, I felt like our punter in high school one time, he put it and it went right off his foot into the stands, to the right.

01:17:10:05 – 01:17:13:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I never seen 180 degree punt before. And we.

01:17:13:19 – 01:17:16:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Saw it. I’m not going to mention his name, Jim Capper.

01:17:16:02 – 01:17:19:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
But if you’re out there, our best punt die or saw in my life.

01:17:20:04 – 01:17:44:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t you know, this is really a tough one, right? Because it makes you talk about maybe equality. You you have figured out about yourself over the years that maybe you could pass on. Right? I mean, really isn’t that kind of the core of the question I would say just keep working at it. Whatever you’re doing, just keep working at it.

01:17:45:19 – 01:18:10:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, if you’re in a tough spot right now, tomorrow’s probably going to get brighter. And if it’s not tomorrow, it’s going to be the next day if you keep working at it. Right. I remember an old, old guy named Jeff NGO Bush gave a little talk one time and the first reminder that he gave himself every day is, I am a child of God.

01:18:11:13 – 01:18:18:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
I am a child of God. My mom used to say to me, hey, Butchie, you know, I don’t like you sometimes.

01:18:18:19 – 01:18:22:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I do love you. There’s some days I don’t like you, but I love you.

01:18:23:08 – 01:18:44:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I look at God that way. You know, there’s some days he’s not going to like the decisions I make because they’re my decisions and they’re prideful and they’re, you know, but I know he loves me. And I as I jump into scriptures every day or listen to a talker, I’m reminding you of that love. I, I, I see that love in the eyes of all those at the Las Vegas rescue mission.

01:18:45:12 – 01:18:56:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I remember walking to church one day as a bishop. This guy was walking right to I’d always walk to church because it was a one mile walk to my church from my house. And with having six kids at home, it gave me a chance just to.

01:18:56:16 – 01:18:58:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Clear my mind a little bit and go try to be.

01:18:58:19 – 01:19:22:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
A bishop right in. This guy is walking at me and he’s big guy. He’s burly, and he’s tattooed from head to toe, and I’ve never felt like I was a real judgmental person, but I’ve judged and I’ve judged wrongfully, you know, that guy’s walking that me. All of a sudden I went from his tattooed body into his eyes and I could just see the light of Christ in this guy.

01:19:22:27 – 01:19:45:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I said, That guy right there is your brother. And things changed that. How I viewed people from that day forward, I just, you know, nobody’s less than you. Nobody’s better than you. If you’re going to compare yourself with someone, if you really find it necessary to compare yourself with someone, go ahead and compare yourself to God. You’ll get yourself humble because you know, he creates worlds without end.

01:19:46:00 – 01:19:46:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And you’re.

01:19:46:16 – 01:20:01:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Sitting here just trying to make $10, keep a little money in your pocket to pay the bills next month. Right? Right. So I mean, just keep working, right? Do the best you can, stay humble and keep working. Things will work out. They do.

01:20:02:13 – 01:20:30:01
Brad Singletary
You just have so many stellar qualities, man. When I someone asked me before what what I thought it meant to to be an alpha. And I read this book recently called King Warrior, Magician, Lover and to me, that kind of this book is about archetypes and that we all possess these different archetypes. So that of King Now that would be like the good leader, you know, a benevolent king he’s giving to his kingdom and whatever he’s king.

01:20:30:01 – 01:20:55:07
Brad Singletary
That’s the leadership area. And then warrior is the guy who’s fighting for the good, you know, fighting for the right thing. That’s your profession. You know, maybe you’re you’re a warrior that way. You’re a warrior. We’re talking about that. The Las Vegas rescue mission, helping, helping in good causes. You’ve been involved with a lot of those things. Magician means you have specialized knowledge, not only that, you have specialized knowledge, but that you share it.

01:20:55:13 – 01:21:16:16
Brad Singletary
So unlike a street magician, this kind of magician is someone who would teach their tricks. And you’re doing that with your son in law who’s in your practice and all the young attorneys that you’ve been able to influence. And then lover lover is a guy that’s showing up with donuts at the grandkids every Friday or, you know, dancing in the stands at the the Golden Knights hockey games.

01:21:17:09 – 01:21:35:26
Brad Singletary
You you just you just a grateful person. I’ve just seen some amazing things from you and I really appreciate you being here to to to join with this man. And I and I hope that we can, you know, I don’t know, continue our friendship. I guess we haven’t been super close, but I’ve known you for probably 15 years.

01:21:35:26 – 01:21:57:20
Brad Singletary
And a guy came to me one time to work with me. And you were called as his leader. You were in that period and he said, I believe that God knows who I am because this person was, you know, he’s my pastor, he’s my bishop. And he is a person that I believe is going to help me in my life.

01:21:57:20 – 01:22:16:13
Brad Singletary
And and I remember hearing just how you two this guy was kind of like the man who influenced you way back and that you treated him that way. Maybe you had him in your home and all these kinds of things. And it’s just it’s just great to know that there are men like you around. You’ve got these great polarities.

01:22:16:13 – 01:22:54:21
Brad Singletary
So on one hand, you know, you’re running every morning. You’ve got you’ve drive, you ride a Harley, you have a black Corvette. And yet, you know, your biggest goal is to continue to learn to understand God. Like you don’t see those kinds of things in people, you know, motorcycle, motocross rider back in the day, marathoner Harley Davidson, you know, Corvette driver and highly spiritual talking about tenderness, you know, the love and people that kind of that is the most brilliant, beautiful stuff that I’ve ever seen in guys.

01:22:54:21 – 01:23:05:02
Brad Singletary
And you just you really represent that a lot. So thank you for who you are and for being willing to come and share with us a little bit here. Do they Jimmy, do you have any closing thoughts or questions or.

01:23:05:02 – 01:23:28:13
Jimmy Durbin
No, I just Butch here. I appreciate thank you for showing up in the world you know, thank you for the difference that you make. I still think you punted that that question. You know, I think your superpower, you love your love. You found a way to fall in love with yourself and it it shows up. And so thank you.

01:23:29:01 – 01:23:54:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Man. You’re welcome. And I and I’m never going to forget the term it was worth driving out here for a lot of reasons. First you see again, Brad. But second of all, I’m never going to forget that terminology. A hard back and a soft front that that just that’s the the the new saying for this week just hard back sometimes your back’s got to be hard that world’s coming at you but you can keep your front soft.

01:23:54:16 – 01:23:55:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love it.

01:23:55:05 – 01:23:56:09
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. Keep your heart open.

01:23:56:10 – 01:23:58:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, so good. So good.

01:23:58:25 – 01:24:00:21
Brad Singletary
I’m just soft everywhere I’m soft in.

01:24:02:11 – 01:24:10:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
I need to harden up a little bit like these two guys. A little myself. Great. Soft. Yeah. What’s that joke from the eighties?

01:24:11:14 – 01:24:13:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
We used to tell each other. You get Dunlap Disease?

01:24:13:24 – 01:24:24:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You know what’s dumb about disease? When you’re barely done, that’s over your male rash. I don’t know where they get these things. The eighties were a great time to be alive. Hey, would.

01:24:25:25 – 01:24:36:01
Brad Singletary
You guys, we just want to highlight some of the best men that we can get our hands on. And I think we’ve scored big time here tonight. This Lou Williams, I meant to ask you how to why the name Butch.

01:24:36:09 – 01:24:41:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, you wonder if you’re going. That’s Alpha from day one when they start calling you. But you’re a.

01:24:41:07 – 01:24:42:21
Brad Singletary
Total stud when they do that.

01:24:43:04 – 01:24:45:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
So that is a story.

01:24:47:16 – 01:24:47:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
When.

01:24:47:24 – 01:25:05:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I was born, my mom wanted to name me Don because she had an Uncle Don. That was just a talk about a humble guy. I remember him as a kid. He’d come into our home and he he was so humble. Adam Langley was his name. Well, I had another Uncle Don, and.

01:25:06:02 – 01:25:10:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
He was a little rougher. So my my mom my mom.

01:25:10:14 – 01:25:11:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wanted to name me after the.

01:25:12:20 – 01:25:15:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
More humble Don. Good. Don. Yeah, yeah.

01:25:15:29 – 01:25:21:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And my dad said, Well, I’ll tell you how we’re going to solve this problem. I’m just going to call him Butch.

01:25:22:03 – 01:25:25:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that was it. I thought I had it.

01:25:25:01 – 01:25:25:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shaken in high.

01:25:25:26 – 01:25:27:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
School. Nope.

01:25:28:19 – 01:25:29:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
College? Nope.

01:25:30:24 – 01:25:36:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Law school? No. Got into the professional world. A few clients call me.

01:25:36:03 – 01:25:37:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Don, and it’s still Butch.

01:25:37:06 – 01:25:39:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I imagine that’s.

01:25:39:07 – 01:25:40:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Will be on my tombstone.

01:25:40:10 – 01:25:42:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
When I get creamy.

01:25:42:03 – 01:25:46:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cremate it off the coast of Hawaii. I heard you can do that for 300 bucks.

01:25:46:02 – 01:25:50:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Why not? You know, I like the North Shore. Throw you.

01:25:50:06 – 01:25:51:08
Brad Singletary
In a volcano or what.

01:25:51:08 – 01:26:01:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Do they do? It’s a Neptune society. 300 bucks. You know, they sizzle you and put you out on the ocean, man. That way, when I’m resurrected, man, I’m in one cool area. So I’ve got.

01:26:01:17 – 01:26:04:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
That in my trust right now. But my wife says I have to change it.

01:26:06:16 – 01:26:09:04
Jimmy Durbin
Tell her the new thing now is composting. So you just want to be.

01:26:09:18 – 01:26:10:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Stuffed.

01:26:11:17 – 01:26:12:09
Brad Singletary
Into a tree.

01:26:12:09 – 01:26:13:27
Jimmy Durbin
And then spread the dirt all over.

01:26:15:14 – 01:26:20:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, that’s a little stuff going on there. Yes, it is. And it’s great to.

01:26:20:17 – 01:26:21:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Be with you guys. Thank you.

01:26:21:19 – 01:26:22:13
Brad Singletary
Thank you, man.

01:26:22:13 – 01:26:24:02
Jimmy Durbin
Thanks for coming in, you guys.

01:26:24:08 – 01:26:27:10
Brad Singletary
Until next time, no excuses, Alpha.

01:26:29:14 – 01:26:34:16
Speaker 3
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

01:26:40:11 – 01:26:41:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
There it is.

 

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