083: AMOR FATI – Alpha Endurance Part One
“This is a million-dollar conversation.” – Taco Mike
Part one of a two-part series. Brad, Taco Mike, Jimmy Durbin, and Mike Olsen discuss one of the principles from the Red9, ENDURANCE. An alpha trains his mind to endure difficulty, he has written goals and adjusts when necessary. This show is improving and is probably our best episode ever.
00:00:00:01 – 00:00:03:17
Brad Singletary
It is delusion, if you believe that there is not going to be difficulty.
00:00:03:26 – 00:00:05:26
Mike Olsen
What do I want to have at the end of my life?
00:00:05:27 – 00:00:17:29
Taco Mike
I don’t like where I’m at. But this is where I’m at. And this is my reality. I decided that I would endure the things that would come up time and time again in the future.
00:00:18:00 – 00:00:33:08
Brad Singletary
I love the concept, the thought of Amor Fati. It means love of fate. Whatever happens, don’t just accept it and don’t just be OK with it, but lean into it and believe it is for the best and believe that that it is going to make you better.
00:00:33:16 – 00:00:38:26
Brad Singletary
Use it as fuel. I love it. I’ll make something of this and it’s going to strengthen me.
00:00:39:04 – 00:00:56:16
Mike Olsen
Humans are the only creatures that I’m aware of that can literally visualize in the distance from a time perspective what they want to become by their choices and by these calculated, written down destinations in the future and actually get there.
00:00:56:16 – 00:01:00:02
Jimmy Durbin
But I think if I’m on the mat, you’re going to have to choke me out.
00:01:09:16 – 00:01:22:00
Speaker 5
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader.
00:01:22:19 – 00:01:26:03
Speaker 6
You are a force for good. Gentlemen.
00:01:26:23 – 00:01:30:19
Speaker 5
You are the Alpha. And this is the alpha quorum.
00:01:35:13 – 00:01:58:26
Brad Singletary
Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show, Brad Singletary here, you guys, this is going to be an exciting episode. We got the dream team up in here. These are some of my favorite guys on this planet, and I think some of the best of the guests that we’ve had and these aren’t guests, these are regulars and are soon going to be a very integral part of all that we’re doing here in the Alpha Quorum. Am I right to have Tucker? Mike, welcome back, brother.
00:01:58:26 – 00:02:00:11
Taco Mike
What’s up, everybody? Hello, Brad.
00:02:01:01 – 00:02:21:03
Brad Singletary
We also have Jimmy Durbin, who’s the episode that he, Mike and I did is the most downloaded episode ever. That one was a shit sandwich. That’s where we talk about our separations and how we brought back, brought our marriages back to life, one of our best ever. And also Mike Olson. Welcome back, Mike.
00:02:21:07 – 00:02:24:03
Mike Olsen
Thank you guys for allowing me to come in here. This has been fun.
00:02:24:11 – 00:02:31:00
Brad Singletary
Mike’s the good looking one in the room, mostly because of his grooming. He’s got a nice haircut and stuff. Everybody else, we’re all.
00:02:31:01 – 00:02:32:13
Taco Mike
He’s the only one who tries. Yeah.
00:02:33:04 – 00:02:59:17
Brad Singletary
We’re all a little scraggly over here. I think we have like 200 years between all of us. I know some of your at least 50 and I’m on the way to 50, so we got like 200 years of experience in this room right now. Yes. So hopefully we can come up with some awesome things to share. Our topic tonight is endurance. We’ve been doing this series on the Red nine and right now we’re on endurance and this is about the alpha who patiently pursues what he wants.
00:03:00:27 – 00:04:16:20
Brad Singletary
He trains his mind. He keeps what he’s pursuing, visible as a written goal. He’s open to new approaches and he adjusts when necessary. He patiently perseveres with fortitude and grit. He seeks and accepts support, and he knows his limitations and quits only when he must. So I just think this is a fantastic topic. So many men, you know, have energy out of the gate. This was I don’t know if this is something they say in the South or I don’t know where I got this from, but imagine like a horse, you know, he’s hell out of the gate, but he ain’t much for stamina. But anyway, he’s hopefully that’s not a sexual reference. But so endurance really is about dealing with difficult things, pushing through, pursuing the things you want. And these men here have been through some interesting experiences and have tons of wisdom and knowledge about how to endure. We’ve shared a lot of our difficulties on previous episodes, but I just want to talk about the importance first of. Being mentally tough. To train our mind first, what thoughts do you have about accepting the fact that things are going to be hard?
00:04:18:06 – 00:04:35:08
Taco Mike
You mean not being a person trapped in delusional thinking, right? So aren’t we aren’t we in a way, just talking about the mindset of being a realist because life is often shitty and circumstances are often nowhere near what?
00:04:35:08 – 00:04:59:10
Taco Mike
What that like that idea or the ideal is? So to me, you’re talking about a man. So we’re talking about alpha here who embodies the character’s characteristics of endurance. I think one of the baseline building blocks of that is a man who just accepts wherever he’s at in his life and whatever’s going on in his life.
00:04:59:10 – 00:05:17:29
Taco Mike
Whatever his current circumstances are, he just gets to a mindset where he can be calm, even if it’s a shit show like it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, it’s irrelevant. But if he could get to the mindset, if he could grow to the mindset, we’re in this exact moment he is look at and say it
00:05:17:29 – 00:05:27:24
Taco Mike
is what it is. I’m OK with this. I’m not going to stay here. I don’t like where I’m at. But this is where I’m at. And this is my reality.
00:05:28:26 – 00:05:46:26
Brad Singletary
I love how you’re mentioning right out of the gate talking about delusion. If there’s there, it is delusion if you believe that there is not going to be difficulty. And the last two years have shown us that for sure, you know, and if we can’t get into the mindset that I can deal with difficult things and and
00:05:46:26 – 00:06:07:24
Brad Singletary
carry on, it’s going to be a hard time. I love the Buddhist thought that life is suffering and and as we accept that we actually suffer less. How about you two thoughts on training our mind, just getting to the belief that we can and will that we will deal with difficult things and that it’s going to be
00:06:07:24 – 00:06:10:28
Brad Singletary
OK. We can have some control in our lives.
00:06:12:03 – 00:06:13:21
Mike Olsen
Ever thought that? Go ahead and Jimi.
00:06:13:27 – 00:06:14:10
Jimmy Durbin
No, I grabbed.
00:06:14:10 – 00:06:35:26
Mike Olsen
Mine as you were talking about the delusion and endurance and then especially this last what, two years dealing with COVID. I think the delusion or the difficult part in knowing that it was going to be rough. Nobody knew how long the race was going to be.
00:06:35:27 – 00:06:50:12
Mike Olsen
We still aren’t sure half the time that we’re out of the woods or that we’re over it. And I think that’s one of the things that someone who I’m going to interpret Alpha. In in my own way is that.
00:06:51:08 – 00:07:11:08
Mike Olsen
Trying to accurately gauge the time. And the the length of this race, if we’re talking about enduring and if we’re talking about enduring happens to encompass time a certain amount of time and we just don’t know. We didn’t know, especially at the outset, we thought, Oh, this is going to be three months.
00:07:11:13 – 00:07:25:08
Mike Olsen
We’ll be out of this before too much longer. And that kept rolling and it kept rolling in it. It clearly has taken a toll on some people. And others have just figured out how to. OK, we’ll just we’ll roll with it.
00:07:25:09 – 00:07:37:29
Mike Olsen
I hate these masks. Some have just taken their own way and you know, they do whatever they want to. And then others just kind of they get by and they just know that, all right, we’ll get through this.
00:07:37:29 – 00:07:55:12
Mike Olsen
But I can’t sit here forever doing nothing. And that will get through. This is just another adaptation that I’m going to have to do, and I’ll figure out what I need. Some really can take advantage of the situation, and I mean that in a positive way.
00:07:55:25 – 00:08:12:10
Mike Olsen
From a business perspective, I know that there’s probably been relationships that have crumbled. There’s been businesses that have crumbled. There’s someone fairly close to me, you know, on the street where they at the time that COVID broke out, they were on a plane to India.
00:08:12:22 – 00:08:25:27
Mike Olsen
They were there. The father of the family had died, and so they have to come back. And yet they were they had just invested, you know, a few hundred thousand dollars in a venture to have some fabrication accomplished in India.
00:08:26:10 – 00:08:46:28
Mike Olsen
And all of their business plans were basically living and dying on the fact that you could send a container. This is some of the industry that I’m involved in. You could have a container going to and from China for, you know, four to $6,000 that went to $30000 in just a matter of a few months.
00:08:47:09 – 00:09:00:08
Mike Olsen
And it wipe them out. You would have had to have tens of millions to absorb some of those costs. And some of them, it wiped out that particular thing, and some people cannot sustain that kind of a loss.
00:09:00:24 – 00:09:20:06
Mike Olsen
Others sustain that type of a loss. And some people were, you know, through maybe a lucky break able to say, Oh, we’re not going to jump here, we’re going to take a different business. Avenue and take advantage of the fact that now we can’t go overseas, we can’t get things overseas, and now we’re in a position to
00:09:20:08 – 00:09:31:04
Mike Olsen
do that in the United States from a manufacturing standpoint, and they were able to succeed. And I think that there’s a lot of guys in the alpha world who, depending on what side of the fence they might be on.
00:09:31:16 – 00:09:42:20
Mike Olsen
Sometimes it cripples them, and sometimes it just temporarily makes them go, damn, that was a mistimed step. But let’s get back on the horse and let’s do it again.
00:09:42:21 – 00:09:59:23
Brad Singletary
Yeah, let’s adjust. I mean that that that story kind of encapsulates this whole this whole topic, really. So mindset, Jimi, what are we? What is the man who is, you know, capable and strong and prepared and able to endure what’s going on in his mind?
00:09:59:27 – 00:10:01:29
Brad Singletary
What does he think about himself in the world?
00:10:03:13 – 00:10:03:28
Taco Mike
Oh.
00:10:05:06 – 00:10:28:00
Jimmy Durbin
I mean, I like that. He trains his mind first. You know, the first thing that popped in my head is. How they train my sons. You know, so I go generationally, how did my dad train me? Um, and then I think what about those men who have a dad deficiency where there wasn’t a dad to do the
00:10:28:00 – 00:10:57:00
Jimmy Durbin
training? You know, my greatest failure has been. My addiction. It crippled me. And it was a retraining, a retooling. That humility. Being in a position to ask for help. Um. And the rigor. You know, even twelve years into sobriety, I still do my meetings, I still have my readings, I still this.
00:10:57:01 – 00:11:12:24
Jimmy Durbin
I find a series of actions that I take every single day, regardless of how I feel. So fuck my feelings, I can’t run my life on my feelings. And those actions are tied to what I define as spirituality.
00:11:14:26 – 00:11:33:21
Jimmy Durbin
And the reason that becomes my North Star and I’m training myself for that spot is because I think as I interact with all these energies, stress, shame, trauma, grief. How I define spirituality and being in that headspace, then allows me to metabolize that energy.
00:11:34:27 – 00:11:49:20
Brad Singletary
I love that I love how you describe that. So you’re talking about there was some failure in your life, you know, addiction brought you to bad places, but that’s because you were there, wasn’t there. There was some kind of training that you you were missing some mental preparation.
00:11:49:20 – 00:11:56:24
Brad Singletary
But now you’re staying in a place of sobriety because of what you’ve trained your mind.
00:11:57:08 – 00:12:19:19
Jimmy Durbin
I mean, I I grew up with a dad who taught, who instilled positivity. Self-Reliance be strong. I mean, I. When it comes to fight, flight or freeze, I’m running, and I did that as a teenager, my dad kicked me out of the house and said, Go beat up the bully.
00:12:20:04 – 00:12:41:11
Jimmy Durbin
I’m crying, Dad, I don’t want to don’t come back into this house, you know, until you get into a fight. Now that that was his way and that was his father’s way. But I think there’s some narcissistic traits that I had growing up that allowed me to have a strong sense of self.
00:12:42:23 – 00:13:02:09
Jimmy Durbin
That I could overcome and not give up. And endure and. I’m wired that I’m a. I mean, I just realized, on one hand, I said, I’m going to run, but I think if I’m. On the mat. You’re going to have to choke me out.
00:13:04:03 – 00:13:23:21
Mike Olsen
I have a question for you, Jimmy, on that. For those who may not quite understand what it’s like to go through addictions, those who who don’t know it. Do you feel that your training of your mind and the exercises that you intentionally go through are as much because you are afraid of the negative consequence of not doing
00:13:23:21 – 00:13:35:13
Mike Olsen
it? Or is there a positive consequence for doing it that you’re going after? Or is it sometimes both? Help me understand your perspective of your your wife or wife are going through it?
00:13:37:07 – 00:13:59:07
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah, I think it’s been all that. I think it’s. A mixture, a mixture of and depending on where I was in the spectrum and in my years of recovery. I just was tired, you know, in the beginning, and my ego is such that humility and the my bottom look like just being homeless, OK?
00:14:00:28 – 00:14:16:15
Jimmy Durbin
And I had already tried to kill myself. And that didn’t work, right? So. I can’t even do that right, was the mindset. Like, it’s Groundhog Day. You want me to live this way, like some universe, some gods, some karma, whatever.
00:14:16:29 – 00:14:35:04
Jimmy Durbin
So. It was. In enough pain to be willing to ask for help. Okay. Your bottom, my bottom. And that was probably the first five years of just kind of trying to get stuff back, you know, relationship with the kids, my wife.
00:14:36:28 – 00:15:04:25
Jimmy Durbin
And then. What I realized is those twelve steps. And whatever recovery process it is, right, really to me is the best example of cognitive behavioral therapy. Which means to say change my thinking, to change my behavior. So those twelve steps represents twelve principles to change my cognitive thinking so that can help change my behavior.
00:15:04:26 – 00:15:09:28
Mike Olsen
And recognizing that you needed to intentionally do that to have the outcome you want, right? Okay.
00:15:10:06 – 00:15:25:26
Brad Singletary
Right. So what is different about the alpha? You know, I just want to wrap this part of the topic up about mindset and about what we believe about ourselves, what we believe about difficulty, what we believe about the pursuit of worthy things.
00:15:27:14 – 00:15:34:29
Brad Singletary
How does a man who is totally, you know, in control of himself, how does he think about. The journey.
00:15:36:19 – 00:15:50:08
Taco Mike
So the the concept, so I think we’re like scratching around endurance, like what is the base? Here’s what I’m trying to grasp is like what is the base core? What is the little, the little nucleus at the center of endurance?
00:15:50:08 – 00:16:09:27
Taco Mike
And I believe that for me, anyway, it is a mindset. And so it’s a mindset that I have decided I personally have made decisions in my life where I have sat down and evaluated consequences, and I have evaluated thoughts and I have evaluated behaviors and outcomes and and I have used my.
00:16:10:03 – 00:16:29:02
Taco Mike
So we are created with the prefrontal cortex, right? We have the we have the executive functioning component of our brain, which allows us to look and evaluate and make decisions based on outcomes and consequences we can imagine. I can use my imagination to look into the future.
00:16:29:07 – 00:16:46:19
Taco Mike
I hope for a future and then make decisions in the present that will lead me there. And I believe that when I decided to become a grown ass man instead of living a life that was moment by moment and being reactive to everything that happened to me I lived with, I had no plan and I had no
00:16:46:21 – 00:17:02:16
Taco Mike
, I had no core fundamental. I had made no choices about who I wanted to be as a person, as a man or anything. I just sort of reacted and and and ping pong around pachinko. You know, that little robotic Japanese game, right.
00:17:02:22 – 00:17:04:02
Mike Olsen
Keeps bouncing all you.
00:17:04:29 – 00:17:21:11
Taco Mike
Like. That was my life, and I would I would hit against the thing and there would be a reaction. It would push me in this way. And that way, in that way, when I decided to be a grown ass man, then I sat down and made executive level decisions about who I was as a person so that
00:17:21:11 – 00:17:38:29
Taco Mike
the outcomes would be as straight of a line as possible. Like, I determine that my life would be as much of a straight line in the direction of my goals and objectives as possible. The line would wiggle, but it would not be this zig zag sine wave of like, extreme extreme extreme.
00:17:39:25 – 00:18:04:28
Taco Mike
It would be as streamlined as possible. So here’s the punch line. If someone me if I decide that I want to be a person characterized by the actions and attributes of endurance, then I needed a first. Make a decision that I was going to be a man and I would endure the things that I was going through
00:18:05:06 – 00:18:26:00
Taco Mike
, and that way I could look at the the reality of my situation and accept it because I knew that my goal was beyond where I was now. My goal is out there. And I’ll just wrap up that thought by saying that was that was where it all began.
00:18:26:00 – 00:18:45:27
Taco Mike
Is deciding to be a person, a man who could endure the things I was going through and then I could endure. I decided that I would endure the things that would come up time and time again in the future, as I move towards what my goals were in life, that there would be new challenges and new, you
00:18:45:27 – 00:19:04:25
Taco Mike
know, dangers and new opportunities and all the all the nonsense that would happen as I just travel through life that I would endure those new things each day, each time. And I think that’s my summary statement is this concept of endurance is a decision to be that type of person.
00:19:05:06 – 00:19:14:10
Taco Mike
I made it. I don’t always follow through very well with it, but it is a core building block of who I am as as a as a grown ass man.
00:19:15:25 – 00:19:33:15
Brad Singletary
I love it. You’re talking about the decision toward maturity, a decision to accept the things that happen. I love the the little video buy or the concept Ryan Holiday bring bringing back some of the stoic philosophy. The thought of a more fatty.
00:19:33:15 – 00:19:45:03
Brad Singletary
Have you guys seen that I had to share it with this little two-minute video but he basically describes this little phrase What is what is that a more fatty? Is that Latin or Greek or something anyway? It means love of fate.
00:19:46:18 – 00:20:06:17
Brad Singletary
And what he teaches is and this is, you know, Marcus Aurelius and those type of guys. Whatever happens, love it, whatever happens, don’t just accept it and don’t just be OK with it, but lean into it and believe it is for the best and believe that that it is going to make you better and use it for
00:20:06:18 – 00:20:21:29
Brad Singletary
use it as fuel. And that mindset that has changed me within probably the last year. You know, COVID was a killer. I actually relapsed in my addiction. I had a difficult time in the mental health profession, so I’m dealing with the same things everyone else is.
00:20:22:19 – 00:20:33:20
Brad Singletary
six kids trying to make things work and then I’m working probably twelve hours a day is a difficult time. And then I came across this thought of a more fatty which says, I love it. I will do the best.
00:20:33:21 – 00:20:41:22
Brad Singletary
I’ll make something of this and it’s going to strengthen me. And that’s that’s been something that’s really helped me. Last thought on mindset, you two.
00:20:42:26 – 00:20:56:11
Mike Olsen
I think what Mike said is really key, and I was curious to ask to ask you, Mike, and I believe a more about what I believe that is I it sounds like a more a an Italian, right? So it’s probably Latin based.
00:20:56:18 – 00:20:57:15
Taco Mike
I’m reading about it right now.
00:20:57:15 – 00:21:17:13
Mike Olsen
Yeah. And so one this does. The second part that I’m curious on is the the definition of fate as a more if it is probably described. And what that really means, whether it’s fate or. Is is it fate of things that are not necessarily completely controllable or fate as in destiny that you have no control over?
00:21:17:13 – 00:21:38:28
Mike Olsen
I believe it’s the former that I was mentioning. How old were you, Mike, when you had that decision that that kind of commitment or that statement in your mind that said, I’m going in at least this general direction much further out into the future, that the ping pongs may not necessarily affect me as much, even though that
00:21:38:28 – 00:21:45:29
Mike Olsen
fate or some things I can’t control might throw me back and forth, I’m still going to continue on to that end goal. How old were you?
00:21:46:12 – 00:22:02:08
Taco Mike
40? I don’t know. It was eleven years ago. I’m 50, so 39, 40. It was when my wife we separated. It was when I was facing jail time. It was my it was my, my most severe rock bottom.
00:22:02:16 – 00:22:17:28
Taco Mike
And it’s where I found Jesus. It’s the moment where I decided that I was going to choose life over death and that if I did choose life, then that life needed to look like something because the life I was coming from looked like it.
00:22:17:28 – 00:22:28:25
Taco Mike
Was it? It didn’t. It didn’t. I didn’t respect it. It was a dead end. I didn’t respect who I was. And so that was. That’s what happened for me.
00:22:28:27 – 00:22:39:17
Mike Olsen
I was probably I want to say. 19 almost 20, I realized the star an overachiever.
00:22:39:21 – 00:22:41:22
Taco Mike
Good on, you know.
00:22:42:18 – 00:22:43:09
Jimmy Durbin
Half the time.
00:22:43:10 – 00:22:56:24
Mike Olsen
Here’s here’s the thing, though I kind of there’s always I was at that time I wasn’t at rock bottom. I did hit kind of my rock bottom in dealing with the endurance situations when I was, you know, early forties, almost 40.
00:22:57:13 – 00:23:17:18
Mike Olsen
I had to endure my rock bottom, but at 19, I realized I need to start evaluating the direction that I want to go. I was a decent athlete in high school. I was in college but realized I was like, Holy crap, you’re not going to make a living throwing fastballs.
00:23:18:02 – 00:23:30:22
Mike Olsen
You better figure something else out. I had a father who went, you know, through addictions, was dealing with a mother who was needing to deal with those kinds of things and my parents growing up still very, very good people.
00:23:32:06 – 00:23:50:21
Mike Olsen
They are a great example of endurance in their both their personal as well as their marital relationship. I just realized I the life that I had kind of always planned out when I was 19. Or, you know, all the way growing up was probably not going to be a sustainable vision for the future.
00:23:50:21 – 00:24:06:15
Mike Olsen
And what the crap am I going to do now? Now, later on, when I went through a divorce, I’d been married 15 years. I, you know, I’d hit my bottom of again, realizing, Wait a second, you. You don’t have control over other people’s choices.
00:24:06:29 – 00:24:29:16
Mike Olsen
Other people’s choices are going to cause you pain and throw your expected world into, you know, just complete chaos. You still have to sit and endure that and understand that just because you’re going through this doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, and it doesn’t mean that every person is bad who who hurt you.
00:24:29:25 – 00:24:48:03
Mike Olsen
And you have to figure out how you’re going to continue on enduring and how can you use this knowing that you made this choice a long time ago? That goal still can’t change. I went through a typical early college beer, drinking and partying and things like that that most of them do realize.
00:24:48:03 – 00:25:00:17
Mike Olsen
That’s not what I wanted to do. I want to go a different direction. That did help me when I then hit rock bottom. You know, almost 15 years later, I realized, OK, I’ve got a couple of choices. I can go to the bar.
00:25:00:25 – 00:25:15:29
Mike Olsen
And I was like, Wow, no, I’ve already seen that both in examples in my life. You know, my father, who was still a great guy and I’ve come to respect a lot other friends, other people or I can go a different direction.
00:25:15:29 – 00:25:34:17
Mike Olsen
I got, you know, into other activities that that replace those things and help me burn through those very difficult times and come out on the positive end. It’s definitely not been perfect. I haven’t made great choices. A lot of the ways just like everybody does, but my my journey was a little different than a lot of other
00:25:34:17 – 00:25:52:02
Mike Olsen
people. So it helps me when I can ask them, tell me what it was like when you went through that. I don’t necessarily have to go through that to empathize, but as you’re explaining it, it definitely helps me comprehend and empathize and sympathize and go, Oh, OK, this is what this person is going through.
00:25:52:19 – 00:25:56:19
Mike Olsen
It’s no more, no less painful than mine. Theirs is just different.
00:25:57:29 – 00:26:05:29
Brad Singletary
Sure, Jimmy. Any last thoughts on, you know, just being mentally tough, accepting that things are going to be hard, welcoming difficulty?
00:26:08:03 – 00:26:24:07
Jimmy Durbin
I mean, the mind set for me, I’m here two things. first, I have just a general belief that the design of life is that it sucks, right, that. Someone’s either gone through is going through or will yet go through a series of experiences.
00:26:25:10 – 00:26:46:23
Jimmy Durbin
That would get them to what we’re calling a bottom right to to reevaluate, and so my definition of success changes and my perspective is changed. And so what used to cause me suffering because my perspective changed? Does it cause me suffering anymore?
00:26:47:11 – 00:27:09:08
Jimmy Durbin
Hmm. And then I. As I learn more and understand more about myself. I mean, my definition really hasn’t changed, it’s quite simply success for me means 24 hours of sobriety to live in recovery and everything else is gravy, and that has worked.
00:27:11:13 – 00:27:20:11
Jimmy Durbin
Because then whatever’s thrown at me, it’s all good, like it’s like we’re talking about, we’re just we’re digging in. But I think perspective and then just that definition of what success is.
00:27:21:09 – 00:27:39:23
Brad Singletary
Let’s talk about. Definitions of success and more specifically, the written goal, so I believe that it is super alpha, it’s hard to do and I would say most people don’t do this, but I think if if we want to get somewhere, we need to write that down in very specific terms.
00:27:40:04 – 00:27:59:15
Brad Singletary
And I’m curious about your own views of that, your own use of written goals. When have you done it? If you don’t, why not? And how’s that helped you? I guess I’ll start with just my real first introduction to this was I was a it was I was going into my junior year of high school.
00:28:00:14 – 00:28:13:03
Brad Singletary
And my coach, my coaches, I swear they must have gone to some like coaching clinic over the summer and anyway, they came back all jazzed up and they were all excited and they had the team right down on a little index card.
00:28:13:03 – 00:28:25:08
Brad Singletary
What is your individual goal and what is your team go? What would you hope to see out the team happen with the team? And what do you want to do? Well, I wrote down that I wanted. I wanted to be district champion.
00:28:25:08 – 00:28:39:12
Brad Singletary
So that’s like, you know, the six or eight high schools in our in our district, in the neighboring cities or whatever that I wanted to be champions of that. Well, we did that. And then we went on to further almost to the what were we in the semifinals?
00:28:39:12 – 00:28:56:25
Brad Singletary
So just before the state championship, so we had gone, I think, further than any other team. I don’t I don’t know the whole history of my school, but. Then the next year, I noticed that we didn’t write any goals at the beginning of the season and I wondered wondered why it worked so well.
00:28:56:25 – 00:29:10:02
Brad Singletary
It was this kind of dream experience for me and I connected it to the written goals and we all did that. The entire team did that. So thoughts about goals and the need to have written specific things out there for you.
00:29:10:02 – 00:29:12:10
Brad Singletary
Do you use that wind? Have you in the past?
00:29:13:04 – 00:29:29:19
Mike Olsen
I have. In fact, I’ve got them since 2017. Dang, I’ve had them on my on my phone. I’m kind of one of a a geek and I actually have your I have. So this is this is something that every single morning and I have for about a year and a half.
00:29:29:19 – 00:29:35:25
Mike Olsen
I just I type in my way and it’s actually it’s an iPhone, but you can kind of create a widget through.
00:29:37:11 – 00:29:38:10
Brad Singletary
That, a Google form.
00:29:38:12 – 00:29:52:00
Mike Olsen
It’s a Google Form. But if you can’t put it and basically you can’t put the form on your on an iPhone unless you go through Safari. So there’s a couple of different ways. And like all of my education that I’ve gained in life, YouTube, that’s kind of how I learned how to do that.
00:29:52:09 – 00:30:16:13
Mike Olsen
But 2017, until now, I’ve put all those down at the beginning of 2000 or at the beginning of 2021, which I had set 2020. I wanted to have. An upper upper, lower level six figure income with equity in a company, and at the time, I was with a really good company.
00:30:17:16 – 00:30:29:02
Mike Olsen
And I wanted to have some ownership. I wasn’t born or blessed with a lot of inheritance money, and so I knew I was going to have to kind of I had this strategy that I wanted to. I needed to have enough income that I was going to be able to take.
00:30:29:16 – 00:30:50:10
Mike Olsen
I still live modestly and take that residual invested in other things so I could earn additional income and come 2000 2001. I’d started to be recruited by a few other companies. And that eventually, you know, turned into a contract that started September 30th.
00:30:50:23 – 00:31:06:26
Mike Olsen
And I have been since then. I’m I’m I have a difficult time being patient. I had to write things down because I had to remind myself that I’m already getting itchy. I want to take the next step. And it’s only been four months into a brand new company and and already, you know, things have done really well
00:31:07:14 – 00:31:14:12
Mike Olsen
. But I I just have this. I have a very difficult time slowing down breathing. Just take a break.
00:31:14:12 – 00:31:26:27
Brad Singletary
I remember when you told me that man, I got goose bumps. Mike lives in the area here, and he stopped by one, probably Saturday and just came in and we chatted for a minute and he told me that he was he was talking to this company and he said, You know, I don’t want to just be an
00:31:26:27 – 00:31:31:21
Brad Singletary
employee. I want some ownership. And I thought that that’s.
00:31:32:06 – 00:31:32:10
Taco Mike
All.
00:31:32:27 – 00:31:44:21
Brad Singletary
That is serious, man. I was like, You have to be a bad ass to look at a business owner or a CEO, whoever this board or whoever may be and say, Yeah, I just don’t. I don’t want just the salary.
00:31:44:22 – 00:31:48:01
Brad Singletary
I want a piece of this thing that’s pretty cool. I was like, Whoa.
00:31:48:10 – 00:32:04:12
Mike Olsen
I guess it’s me understanding myself. I’m going to work. So I’m the first one to work, you know, every day, six, 30 in the morning. But work doesn’t start till seven, 7:30. I don’t do that kind of for me, but there are are we have employees, we have probably 50 employees and probably 40% of them have to
00:32:04:12 – 00:32:19:01
Mike Olsen
take a bus, sometimes three stops to get to work. And I have a couple of them that are. one was homeless and a couple of them have kind of worked their way back in coming from different states and they’re just chillin on the concrete at 35 degrees.
00:32:19:13 – 00:32:29:22
Mike Olsen
And I kind of felt an obligation to say if they’re going to show up that early, I need at least let him in the in the break room to warm up a little bit before we go freeze our tail off a little bit more in a warehouse situation.
00:32:30:11 – 00:32:43:23
Mike Olsen
And I wanted, I’m going to work hard and that’s how I’ve always been. And I thought, if I’m going to continue to work that hard, I and I’m going to take some of this responsibility on myself. I’m not doing it just for free or just for a salary anymore.
00:32:43:29 – 00:32:59:20
Mike Olsen
That’s me. And and I’ve had to understand not everyone is going to work that hard and not everyone. They don’t need to live up to my expectation of success. Only what we as as an employer employee, agree on what they’re going to take.
00:32:59:29 – 00:33:12:26
Mike Olsen
I can’t transfer my expectations of hard work or success on them. I have to just create a certain thing that I need out of this particular employee, this position. Are you agreeing to do it for this pay? OK, that’s that’s fantastic.
00:33:13:10 – 00:33:24:08
Mike Olsen
And then I’ve I’ve always wanted them to to do more on their definition of what more is. Now some don’t want to, and I have to learn to just back off of that and let them do what they want to do.
00:33:24:19 – 00:33:35:28
Brad Singletary
Wow. So you created this years ago and in the form of a goal that you’ve been writing down, you’ve been reviewing this stuff. You look at it and you tweak it and whatever. That’s something that I do literally.
00:33:35:28 – 00:33:47:24
Brad Singletary
On December 31st, I’ve done this probably for maybe four or five years, literally December 30 for a stay up late my whole New Year’s Eve night. And it’s kind of cliché the idea of New Year’s resolutions. But to me, it’s not.
00:33:47:24 – 00:33:59:27
Brad Singletary
It’s more like what I want to accomplish in this year. And as I look back at the last several years, I’ve done a great deal of those things, and I think it’s just for me kind of creating it mentally.
00:33:59:27 – 00:34:15:13
Brad Singletary
Spiritually, I created their first and just envision this thing happening. And literally some nights I just go to sleep imagining that that’s what’s going to happen. And a large portion of those things have reached. So how about you, Jim?
00:34:15:13 – 00:34:16:24
Brad Singletary
Goals, What what do you do there?
00:34:17:24 – 00:34:34:04
Jimmy Durbin
It’s not to the extent that Mike takes it. And mine was borne more out of time management because of all the shiny pennies and the squirrels and. My head’s always racing, and so it was the to quiet things down.
00:34:34:05 – 00:34:51:12
Jimmy Durbin
It was always to write it on paper and then prioritize it and then accomplish it, and just kind of to do that this year, actually kind of. I wrote some goals down. Same deal. Different business ventures that I’m looking at.
00:34:53:00 – 00:35:04:21
Jimmy Durbin
I know the magic that happens when pen hits the paper, but as far as a systematic, dedicated approach to writing goals and in that context, it’s not me.
00:35:06:19 – 00:35:18:08
Brad Singletary
Do you think you missed something from that or is this I mean, you’re a performer, you’re yeah, you’ve done really well in your career and you’ve just kind of moved through some cool progress over the last several years.
00:35:18:08 – 00:35:21:13
Brad Singletary
But is that something you want to do more of?
00:35:23:06 – 00:35:39:02
Jimmy Durbin
It is I mean, I, you know, as far as a budget sheet and in my business, you know that that’s a form of gold writing. Writing things down, tracking my day, and I know how many sessions I did last year, what the average weight rate was.
00:35:39:15 – 00:35:57:09
Jimmy Durbin
Where I want it to go. What kind of revenue. And so and then backing that in and I’ve got a spreadsheet every week to track the clients that come in and what their rate is. And and so in that sense, yeah, it’s that that’s been something for the last two years.
00:35:57:28 – 00:36:05:22
Jimmy Durbin
You know that you and I have talked about that, that I’ve done as far as that. That’s probably the extent, and I don’t want to.
00:36:05:25 – 00:36:07:28
Brad Singletary
Is it working? Are you getting there? Yeah.
00:36:08:09 – 00:36:10:02
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. Yeah, it’s helpful in that regard.
00:36:10:04 – 00:36:15:18
Brad Singletary
Talking, Mike, how about you, sir? Goals, written goals, having some objective plans and things.
00:36:15:28 – 00:36:32:29
Taco Mike
So when I started in my little twelve step journey, one of the things I discovered really early on was the power in my my shrink at the time taught me this. Valerie Demeke, an amazing person and one that so the brain is this computer that has all kinds of neurological processing channels.
00:36:32:29 – 00:36:47:04
Taco Mike
And so there’s visual processing and auditory. We can we can speak. And as we as we vocalize, we process things and as we read something and write something. And so one of the things she taught me was to use as many channels of the brain as possible.
00:36:47:04 – 00:37:00:09
Taco Mike
Imagine a lane, a lanes, traffic lanes on a highway and just something I realized about the way I process my life was. It seemed like I had clicked in to only like one or two lanes and maybe, maybe like the end.
00:37:00:10 – 00:37:16:02
Taco Mike
The visual analogy is like there’s twelve lanes possible. The brain can like, think across twelve lanes, but through laziness, I was living a life where I was only operating in like one or two lanes and traffic was bunching up and there was, you know, road rage and just inefficiencies.
00:37:16:21 – 00:37:29:29
Taco Mike
And so one of the things she taught me was is to use all of the senses and all of the all of the computing channels that that that that I that I know of. And then I spent some time learning about this.
00:37:30:17 – 00:37:47:19
Taco Mike
And one of the one of the ways that I realized that I was deficient was this connection between tactile experience and then visual and then auditory. And to break that down simply, I learned that when I wrote that when I thought about a thing.
00:37:48:02 – 00:38:05:02
Taco Mike
And then I wrote it down. It allowed me to process it through channels in my thinking that I was not using. And then the magic came when I could look at it on a piece of paper, and that was this thing that unlocked it for me is because if I could see it written down, just it and
00:38:05:03 – 00:38:19:16
Taco Mike
I’ve learned that editors will do this. There’s a lot of people who do a lot of writing and to look at it on a screen or two to look at on a piece of paper with a pencil or hand to strike through and cross out and write in the margin and do this.
00:38:20:17 – 00:38:40:20
Taco Mike
I read some study where, like editors will almost always, not always, but a lot of editors will at their own expense, sometimes great expense print out the thing that they could just read on the screen. But they want and need their brain is just words joy to have that experience of like my hand moving across a piece
00:38:40:20 – 00:39:02:06
Taco Mike
of paper, my eyes looking at the words reading out loud what is written. All of that is using the computing power of the brain and all of those channels. So when I decided I was to be grown ass man, I realized that writing things down was a huge power move for me.
00:39:02:09 – 00:39:15:26
Taco Mike
Mm hmm. And so then I then I I was in the same headspace was like, OK, I need to really direct my thinking, my thinking energy and my imagination energy until like, OK, I know who I was. I want to.
00:39:15:28 – 00:39:32:02
Taco Mike
I want to just stick a garlic knife or whatever the vamp. How do you kill a vampire like whatever? I want to kill that guy, that guy, that assholes dead? Who’s this new guy going to be? Well, we need to design, you know, an architect designs a building as an engineer designs a city.
00:39:32:14 – 00:39:48:21
Taco Mike
The mechanical engineer like designs like a computer engineer, designs a phone like everything that is someone had to to design it. Somebody sat down, put thought energy into it and created and designed the thing. And so I just thought, why does it create me?
00:39:48:22 – 00:40:00:03
Taco Mike
I just need to create and design who I want to be. And that evolved me sitting down with a yellow piece of paper, you know, the fluid legal pad. And just what the fuck is this guy going to be like?
00:40:00:03 – 00:40:13:07
Taco Mike
Who the hell is this guy? Like, what does he do? How does he respond in such situations? What does he want to do in life? Does you know? And I just went through this process of like designing who I wanted to become.
00:40:13:23 – 00:40:30:16
Taco Mike
And part of that was then deciding, Well, then I need to reach far like I need to set some audacious bad ass goals I need to imagine, like what the hell was I put on this earth for? Like, OK, I was given talents.
00:40:30:16 – 00:40:47:29
Taco Mike
I know what they are like. I’ve experienced them. How the hell can I use them to impact my world? Maybe the broader world? Like, what do I want to do? It was so fun to sit with a blank piece of paper and to imagine a life from scratch.
00:40:48:07 – 00:41:09:14
Taco Mike
And I have since had this conversation with other people who have not had their rock bottom moment like I did. This all came not because I look. Let me be clear, I am so. Far from bright. I am no, I am I am no vanguard of original thinking.
00:41:09:19 – 00:41:23:22
Taco Mike
Almost everything that’s good in my life had to be visited upon me through hardship and then I had to then react to that and then make a good move, but not because I was a good person or because I wanted to be a good person again.
00:41:23:22 – 00:41:39:26
Taco Mike
Like almost everything that’s good about me is a reaction to near destruction and then wake up moment and then the come to Jesus moment. And then how do I how do I go from here? So I wish I was the kind of person who learned from other people’s mistakes.
00:41:39:26 – 00:41:51:06
Taco Mike
I wish I was going, Person, you could read a thing and it would teach me, and I could. Oh, that’s amazing. Like, I’ll just readapt my life to this because I’m I’m so moved by what I’m reading or learning are being taught.
00:41:51:13 – 00:42:08:07
Taco Mike
I don’t work that way. I have to flunk it up, Superbad. And then I have to, like, heal from it and then respond differently. So I’ll wrap up with this thought. I believe in my own life that if I do not write it down, then it doesn’t exist.
00:42:08:09 – 00:42:27:22
Taco Mike
It doesn’t have form, it doesn’t have shape, it doesn’t have it. I can’t tactfully experience it and it’s a weird thing and it’s just how I am. But for me to to believe that I am moving in a direction of a, let’s say, a bigger goal of whatever X-Y-Z, who who cares, doesn’t matter.
00:42:28:11 – 00:42:39:21
Taco Mike
But for me, it’s not real. It doesn’t exist like I have in my imaginations. Oh, I think I should do this, that it doesn’t exist for me until it is written down and not in my phone, in a notepad.
00:42:40:01 – 00:42:52:28
Taco Mike
Although that is that is part that that is useful. But for me, it has to be on a. And you could come to my house and I will show you dozens. I have. I’m kind of a hot mess, but I have dozens of those legal pads all over.
00:42:52:28 – 00:43:04:28
Taco Mike
I have a I have a little travel case where I probably have 25 of them in there and and sometimes I will just maybe on an annual basis, go through them and I’ll remind myself, Oh yeah, I was going to do the thing.
00:43:04:28 – 00:43:16:24
Taco Mike
Yes, oh, and I will have to, you know, then recommit. But to me, they these these things don’t exist until they are on a piece of paper and they exist outside of my brain. And then once that happens, I’ll be damned.
00:43:16:24 – 00:43:38:18
Taco Mike
It unlocks some weird, mysterious power. I don’t know how to explain it, but I am now living the kind of life that I am happy with. I respect it and I admire it in that I’m doing the things that I have previously set out to do, and I’m sort of in a way like checking off, like clicking
00:43:38:18 – 00:43:50:22
Taco Mike
through like, yeah, I really wanted to be a person that is like this, and I can honestly say, like in many ways, I am living the life of a person like that. I set out to be that and I have sort of become that.
00:43:51:01 – 00:44:00:04
Taco Mike
And I think all of these things, for me, they must be there. If I was to remove some of these components, they would erode away the outcome and I wouldn’t be who I am.
00:44:00:19 – 00:44:14:09
Brad Singletary
So the way that you’re living now, that’s written down somewhere in many of these areas, you’ve written it down. You kind of brought it into into creation because you wrote it down somewhere completely. I love what you’re saying about taking the abstract.
00:44:14:10 – 00:44:32:28
Brad Singletary
You know, just the idea, the floating particles just out in the ether, whatever like that to to use your five senses to bring it into reality, to write it down. There’s a color on the colored paper. There’s an ink or a pen or a sound of this pen scratching.
00:44:32:28 – 00:44:47:24
Brad Singletary
There’s your hand movement, the kinesthetic connection to it. There is. I don’t know the science of it, but I know that it’s true. You’re taking an idea and you’re producing it into form. It’s not just this floating thing that comes and goes, You can stick this.
00:44:47:24 – 00:45:03:03
Brad Singletary
I’ve got a sticker. I have this little translucent sticker notepad and I’ve got on on the inside windshield of my truck right now. I have a little note to myself and I won’t tell you what it says, but it’s something that it’s not about driving.
00:45:03:21 – 00:45:21:20
Brad Singletary
I’ve got that all handled, but it’s about a way that I want to live. I want to. I want to wrap up this topic. But just are this part of the discussion? But but maybe to ask you to share something, maybe a goal that you you did write that you reached if it’s nothing too personal but something
00:45:21:20 – 00:45:25:15
Brad Singletary
that you wrote down at one point? And you got there.
00:45:26:10 – 00:45:54:11
Mike Olsen
I think for me, it’s evolving. I did write one thing down, which was this business aspect. And I achieved that. But I’m continually convinced and reminding myself that this this tangible business aspect is less important. And it’s more important what Mike mentioned where he said, who do I want to become?
00:45:55:05 – 00:46:11:22
Mike Olsen
Humans are the only creatures that I’m aware of, that we’re aware of, that we have record of, who knows we might, you know, find out something else can do that someday. That can literally visualize in the distance from a time perspective what they want to become.
00:46:12:21 – 00:46:39:07
Mike Olsen
And get there and achieve it and literally change what they’re currently doing, and sometimes especially men or people who might struggle to go from where they are to a completely different direction by their choices and by these calculated written down destinations in the future, in their own future of what they want to become and actually get there
00:46:41:12 – 00:46:52:22
Mike Olsen
. And so mine is going from that, that particular success to what do I want to have at the end of my life? I don’t think that I’m going to have. I don’t I don’t think that I want to or that it needs to be.
00:46:53:21 – 00:47:10:29
Mike Olsen
Something that is monumental that could be looked at to say he raised $1,000,000 to do X for good. My I’m still trying to clarify this, and that’s kind of what I think of when when Mike is talking to the fact that he clarified this, he read it.
00:47:11:00 – 00:47:23:06
Mike Olsen
He wrote it down. And Jimi has this spreadsheet that basically tells him this is what success is to him because he’s in that portion of his life that he has that spreadsheet. For me, I want to be able to say.
00:47:24:07 – 00:47:47:08
Mike Olsen
How will I be able to show other people that through small efforts, they really can impact the impact their local, their neighborhood, their person around them, their spouse, their their friends for a long period of time and good just by some small goals and some small templates that they could implement in their life that didn’t require a
00:47:47:08 – 00:48:09:13
Mike Olsen
mass amount of cash didn’t require this grandiose thing, but it was something it was small in concept, but great an impact. That’s what I hope to be able to clarify on a piece of paper, because just like you guys have said, there’s something weird that you can’t necessarily explain, but you cannot deny writing it down works.
00:48:10:04 – 00:48:16:10
Brad Singletary
That’s awesome. Jimmy, make an actual goal that you wrote down somewhere and you reached it.
00:48:17:18 – 00:48:40:17
Jimmy Durbin
So in business, it was that I wanted to reach a certain revenue. And that that happened this last year. As far as a toy, I’ve had a I have a 1971 Ford Bronco 3023 on the tree belonged to my grandfather.
00:48:41:08 – 00:48:54:21
Jimmy Durbin
And it literally has been wrapped in Saran Wrap so that the cat won’t pee in it for twelve years. And I had a goal. I wrote down of like, I want to unwrap it. I want to bring it back to life.
00:48:55:04 – 00:49:09:14
Jimmy Durbin
I’m not mechanically inclined, so I knew that would mean certain things. Change the carburetor, if it ran, it’s running and I got to change some diaphragm something because it’s leaking gas, but that was a goal that it was accomplished.
00:49:09:14 – 00:49:29:08
Jimmy Durbin
And then in my relationship, my wife and I went on our honeymoon to Maui for our honeymoon, never traveled really any time after that. And so I wrote down that I wanted her and I to get into the studio to spend zen in this meditation that he teaches and go to this week long retreat.
00:49:29:18 – 00:49:44:01
Jimmy Durbin
But that meant she’d have to give it some buy in and we’d have to. Anyway, these things would have to happen, but that was something I wrote down and we did that. We took ten days and spent the money and invested the time in each other, and that was a big one.
00:49:44:26 – 00:50:01:19
Brad Singletary
Wow, awesome. That’s great to hear that you did some personal things in in your marriage. You wrote some goals down. That’s awesome. Talk show, Mike written one that you read, I guess you’ve talked about in general that you you’re living the kind of life that you once wrote down, but name something that you can.
00:50:02:25 – 00:50:04:08
Brad Singletary
Feel good about and share with us.
00:50:04:23 – 00:50:19:26
Taco Mike
I wrote down a lot. So I took my life and I just sort of wrote it out in categories and I decided that like and I don’t remember how many categories were, but there were all the obvious ones like health and work and family and marriage and just lots of different things.
00:50:20:07 – 00:50:40:15
Taco Mike
And to that, I feel really good about as one was in my relationship with my wife now. A lot of this I wrote down when we were separated, and so there was I had a vision of us reconciling and I had been sort of I had this thought that I needed to endure the separation like a grown
00:50:40:15 – 00:50:55:14
Taco Mike
ass man. And I had spent years emotionally neglecting my marriage. And then the thought occurred to me that I, that I would be a five year journey to repair my marriage. And I needed to decide, am I in it for five years?
00:50:55:15 – 00:51:10:25
Taco Mike
Like, would I be able to undo it? She could divorce me. She could do anything. The power was hers, and I was along as a participant in the timeline. And I had to decide, would I be willing to endure for five years?
00:51:10:27 – 00:51:29:05
Taco Mike
And then I just made an easy decision. I was like, Yes, I’m in this for five years, and I wrote that down. I something a sentence to the effect of I will endure separation. And I will be. And I will patiently wait through this journey for five years.
00:51:29:15 – 00:51:52:10
Taco Mike
And it turned out that that was it. I got a 50% discount because two and a half years we reconciled. And then another one that meant a lot to me was I had a job. I worked in a business and I was an employee and had duties and responsibilities, and I had a son who was becoming an
00:51:52:10 – 00:52:04:20
Taco Mike
age where he could join Boy Scouts and start to do more and more things with church. And that would mean the camp outs and all of the all of the nights of, you know, going to scout meetings and things like that.
00:52:05:08 – 00:52:23:20
Taco Mike
And I wrote down that I want to travel the teenaged my son’s teenage life, and I want to participate on every camp out and go to every Single Scout meeting and do that. Like, I want to be the kind of dad who participates and does everything, and I wrote that down.
00:52:24:03 – 00:52:43:06
Taco Mike
And he’s 15, and I’ve been to every single father and sons camp out and every single camp he’s gone on and and every scout meeting. I mean, there’s a few exceptions, but there I could probably count them on one, maybe one and a half hands where I didn’t go to a, you know, one of those things with
00:52:43:06 – 00:53:00:05
Taco Mike
him and participate with him and be with him in that journey. And so that’s something that I wrote. I wrote that down and I am at it is coming to pass. It is true and it is fulfilled and there’s countless, countless others.
00:53:00:14 – 00:53:20:02
Taco Mike
And again, just to just to just to hit this, that while everyone was sharing their experience, it occurred to me that it takes. This is, I think I live my life without writing things down because I didn’t have the balls to be the kind of man to follow through with the things that I could imagine myself doing
00:53:20:11 – 00:53:38:08
Taco Mike
. And so I was a pussy. And I believe that in my life, I didn’t write things down because I didn’t want to face failure because I generally went. My life was generally a failure to failure, failure. And if I didn’t have any commitments and if I didn’t write things down, then I would not be accountable to myself
00:53:38:18 – 00:53:59:09
Taco Mike
and I could be this guy who just skated through just half ass. Dude, I have asked everything, and I think it’s just sort of coming clear to me now that by not writing things down, by not making decisions and not committing to anything, it was license for me to be this just half assed jerk.
00:53:59:09 – 00:54:20:01
Taco Mike
What of a loser, right? Because I know because nobody could pin anything on me. Like, there was no evidence that I was anything other than that. But if I sat down and I imagined and I focused and I used creative energy and intent and I wrote shit down, then that would mean I would have to level up
00:54:21:06 – 00:54:38:07
Taco Mike
. And I was afraid, I think I was afraid of that. And again, like I said before, I am such a weasel. I try to avoid everything until it is confronted. Until it is, the police are standing there with my name on an arrest warrant.
00:54:38:08 – 00:54:57:15
Taco Mike
Like, like, I don’t believe I’m a piece of shit until that happens. And that’s when I went through this transformation experience like I’m talking about. But once I sort of woke up and became a realist and then started like facing my life and then making these choices, there were.
00:54:57:18 – 00:55:10:19
Taco Mike
This conversation is all about. Then I decided like, No, I’m going to be the kind of person as a grown ass man, I’m going to write shit down and it’s going to exist and there’s going to be evidence and documentation.
00:55:10:27 – 00:55:30:25
Taco Mike
And just like a contract, you know, it’s also a ceremony. I believe like the process of writing it down is a personal ceremony. Like I it took it took me days and days of thought effort to decide like, I want to be the kind of man I want to be the kind of dad who goes on every
00:55:30:25 – 00:55:44:13
Taco Mike
camp out with my son. Like, I had to do something like I had to make a commitment to my son. And then I had to decide like I will. I’m going to decide that I’m not going to intentionally let him down.
00:55:44:18 – 00:55:58:18
Taco Mike
There may be things that will come along that will bump into that and like I may not be at by the time he goes up to college or whatever, like, there may be some, some things I didn’t do, but it was not because I didn’t try, right?
00:55:58:18 – 00:56:10:18
Taco Mike
It was because I committed. I went through that ceremony. I went through the act of like imagining deciding I want to be that kind of dad. These are the things I’m going to change in my life so that I can fulfill that like it.
00:56:10:23 – 00:56:21:10
Taco Mike
It was as I went through a ceremony to write those things down, and they exist. There is a piece of paper that I could pull out today right now that could show you that this is who I decided to be.
00:56:21:15 – 00:56:41:25
Taco Mike
And then you could see that and you could say, Well, you’re if you’re, you know, to get your shit together because you’re not doing those things like you have slid, right? And and so maybe by being the kind of person who didn’t do that, it just reinforced that like half assed life that I was living that I
00:56:42:09 – 00:56:57:22
Taco Mike
did, I decided, like, that’s over. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. And then the transformation was, Well, then who do I want to be? I want to be the kind of person who holds myself accountable. I want to be the person who makes commitments and keeps commitments.
00:56:58:02 – 00:57:15:12
Taco Mike
And then there’s there’s evidence that I made those commitments, and the angels and the ancestors can also see that piece of paper, and they can hold me to that, too. And that that’s a that’s a place that I did not come to willingly and I did not voluntarily come to that place.
00:57:15:12 – 00:57:21:10
Taco Mike
It was, it was. I guess it wasn’t forced upon me because I could have just decided to like.
00:57:21:22 – 00:57:22:14
Jimmy Durbin
You were humbled.
00:57:23:09 – 00:57:26:11
Taco Mike
Yeah, right. So I had options that weren’t that, but.
00:57:26:19 – 00:57:44:04
Mike Olsen
one of the things that keeps coming to me, Mike and Jimmy mentioned it to when he talked about the squirrels, the shiny pennies, the distractions I keep. Every time you guys are mentioning those kinds of things, it’s as if you’re creating intentionally your own positive distraction.
00:57:44:11 – 00:58:01:02
Mike Olsen
By writing it down, by creating a list, you’re basically saying, I’m recognizing that I’m easily distracted and I recognize that in myself. I’m the one who, if I go to read something, I can barely get through the first chapter because I start asking questions.
00:58:01:02 – 00:58:21:10
Mike Olsen
I wonder why this? I wonder how that. And so there’s sometimes when those positive distractions are good and sometimes they’re they’re not. But that sounds like one of the great benefits of putting it down. You’re now replacing a distraction of what you may even not necessarily intentionally recognize, but you’re creating your own chosen distraction.
00:58:21:22 – 00:58:23:02
Brad Singletary
Oh, that’s a cool way to look at it.
00:58:23:03 – 00:58:23:13
Taco Mike
I like.
00:58:23:13 – 00:58:37:24
Brad Singletary
It. I love the you. When you talk about ceremony to man, this is like, you know, I’m placing something on the altar like, this is my ritualistic promise. I’m doing this. It’s a formality of of like commitment and of intention.
00:58:37:25 – 00:58:55:02
Brad Singletary
You talk about Mike. Great stuff, dude. So we’re talking about endurance. We’ve mentioned the mindset that things are going to be hard. We have to pursued the things that we want. And one of the first steps is to decide and write those things down, keep the things you want to pursue in front of you as written goals
00:58:55:22 – 00:59:16:18
Brad Singletary
. The last part of this segment I want to talk about is adjustments, how and when and why we adjust our plan. Maybe we run into some obstacle. Maybe we see that this isn’t playing out, you know? And so this is a later we’re going to talk about sometimes you have to drop the whole drop, the whole charade
00:59:17:03 – 00:59:31:15
Brad Singletary
. But in adjustment, we’re going to continue to move forward. We’re going to continue to pursue the thing that we’re after. We’ve just got to make a change. We’ve got to tweak it here. There may be a major overhaul, but we’re not intending to back away from it at this point.
00:59:31:26 – 00:59:40:16
Brad Singletary
We’re just going to recalibrate and figure out a new approach to what we’re trying to do. This talk about adjustments.
00:59:43:20 – 01:00:07:07
Mike Olsen
Adjustments. My statements were pretty impactful. I think this evening because. He mentioned making the intentional decision of then who do I want to become if I don’t like what I am? And those can be seen, as you know, both negative as well as positive forms of getting to where you do want to be.
01:00:07:19 – 01:00:24:18
Mike Olsen
If I don’t like who I am, what do I want to become? And. If. Who you want to become, what you want to be is based on sound principles, and you can define proper principles however you know you deem necessary in your life and whatever is good.
01:00:25:07 – 01:00:48:23
Mike Olsen
The better, the more descriptive, the more solid the principle. These setbacks or these adjustments can be seen as just little zigzags needing to get still to where you want to be. But I liked what Mike said because I think the more descriptive you can become at who you want to be and what effect you might want to
01:00:48:23 – 01:01:09:21
Mike Olsen
have in your own world. And and I’m not here to judge if someone’s who they want to be is a a leader in business or, you know, whatever it is that they want. I think the more descriptive you can be, the easier it is to overcome or to look at it, a situation that causes an adjustment or
01:01:09:21 – 01:01:30:00
Mike Olsen
that makes you question. And you can say, how much does this conflict with what my ultimate goal was with what my ultimate descriptive person that I want to become? Does it interfere with that? Is it just a road bump or is this how important is this little setback?
01:01:30:00 – 01:01:40:29
Mike Olsen
Is it something that truly challenges my definition of who I want to become? And then you can make a quick decision of, you know, yes, I just need to endure this or I’m going to push it aside or always.
01:01:40:29 – 01:01:57:06
Mike Olsen
second, maybe my ultimate judgment of who I want to become was slightly off, and I need to recalibrate that a little bit. I think it can help you identify a setback from a setback versus questioning your ultimate decision of who you want to become.
01:01:59:25 – 01:02:00:22
Mike Olsen
Yeah, I like that.
01:02:00:28 – 01:02:25:26
Jimmy Durbin
I I love sitting in this room with you guys. Thank you. So here’s what I’m hearing. Do I have a process where I’m aware? And mindful. Do I have a process where I. Can course correct? Where I can continue to take a personal inventory.
01:02:27:19 – 01:02:52:06
Jimmy Durbin
So that I can ping against what it is I want to become, what goal I have out there and evaluate whether it’s working or not. Do I have a tribe? To bring that information to them and. Am I willing to stand naked and listen for their feedback?
01:02:54:21 – 01:02:55:25
Jimmy Durbin
Their honest feedback.
01:02:56:17 – 01:02:58:09
Brad Singletary
And you’re good looking, but please.
01:02:59:12 – 01:03:23:25
Jimmy Durbin
Thank you and I am. You like. I. And not perfect, I have that that dis ease of her being a perfectionist. But I also have realized through the years that I’m willing to call a spade a spade. I’m willing to ask for your help.
01:03:23:25 – 01:03:41:21
Jimmy Durbin
I’m willing for honest feedback. Because I want to be a better man, because I always want to level up and it’s OK to course correct. In my world. But what I always lean into is I do have a process.
01:03:43:09 – 01:04:00:05
Jimmy Durbin
I’m constantly working on my mindfulness and being aware. To course correct and not, you know, as we’ve been sitting here, I’m realizing it’s nothing the world. Can do that’s going to have me endure. I have to endure me.
01:04:01:22 – 01:04:26:12
Jimmy Durbin
My natural man, all my imperfections, my character defects, the voices that go on in my head, that negative self-talk, and for me, I’ve pulled those two entities apart. And Jim is my drug addict, narcissistic. Plastic, shallow, fake, phony, fraudulent, false self.
01:04:27:14 – 01:04:41:21
Jimmy Durbin
And Jimmy is that little boy in me who wants to be loved and to love. That’s my essence. I’m not missing and I’m whole. Jimmy is whole. He’s complete, he’s passionate, he’s loving, he’s patient, he’s all those things.
01:04:41:21 – 01:04:56:03
Jimmy Durbin
So the enduring for me is that peace. And so I need to constantly have a process where I’m taking my inventory to see, Where is Jim? Is he driving because if he is, I’m going to end up in a fight with my wife and I need to then do the right thing?
01:04:56:18 – 01:05:16:24
Jimmy Durbin
Say I’m sorry. Of course, correct. It’s not the world. It’s this battle with my psyche and my ego and my pride and my natural flesh desires, quite simply for me. Jim’s role in Jimmy’s life is to hurt anyone Jimmy says he loves.
01:05:17:11 – 01:05:24:16
Jimmy Durbin
So if Jimmy says, Brad, I love you. Jim’s like, OK, watch this on my hurt that motherfucker cold hearted like Jim.
01:05:24:17 – 01:05:26:13
Brad Singletary
Don’t get to be like that.
01:05:28:01 – 01:05:30:04
Mike Olsen
Is that the Jim natural self you’re referring to?
01:05:30:05 – 01:05:30:29
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah, yeah.
01:05:31:21 – 01:05:35:05
Brad Singletary
Yeah. So you’re talking about a like daily regular.
01:05:35:05 – 01:05:35:22
Jimmy Durbin
Yes.
01:05:35:28 – 01:05:50:09
Brad Singletary
Adjustment. This isn’t like after ten years of chase and chase and this rabbit, you decide, Yeah, maybe that’s not going to work. And I added out on something else. You’re talking about a very regular process of checking in, checking in with your tribe.
01:05:50:09 – 01:05:57:03
Brad Singletary
You’ve talked about that, a love. You’re worried about brain trust. You have a process. I’m curious what that is.
01:05:57:05 – 01:06:12:15
Jimmy Durbin
There’s there’s two things. There’s there’s a daily and then there’s a walk around, you know? And that’s been a process. I’m not perfect at it, but I’ve realized. When I when I saw Jim for what he is and I realized Jim is.
01:06:13:24 – 01:06:24:22
Jimmy Durbin
I need more oxygen for him. He needs to to take more of a role in my life because that’s guided by the spirit that’s guided by love, that’s guided by God, and.
01:06:25:14 – 01:06:26:18
Mike Olsen
It gets the best results.
01:06:26:19 – 01:06:45:02
Jimmy Durbin
Absolutely, absolutely. And it’s effortless. So. When that happened, then I had to start putting these markers in my life. These flags are indicators so that when Jim was circling, they would go off. So in a movie that would be like the broken glass in a hallway.
01:06:45:14 – 01:06:59:16
Jimmy Durbin
So if someone’s coming down, you could get out the back or Ali torch everything and escape. I had a service dog. I noticed that when I barked a command that had a little more energy than it needed to, or I yanked on his chain.
01:07:00:02 – 01:07:12:16
Jimmy Durbin
That was Jim. Jim is out. If I could handle what I needed to handle in that moment and it took me a while to figure this out, I would avoid an argument with my wife or yelling at my kids.
01:07:14:23 – 01:07:32:12
Jimmy Durbin
And so I’ve realized I need to put certain things, people, places. Tools that allow me to have that go up so that when Jim’s out, you recognize, I recognize it further out, like I want to see that mother way down the road so that I can handle whatever I need to handle.
01:07:32:24 – 01:07:35:16
Jimmy Durbin
So that Jim and love wins.
01:07:36:04 – 01:07:53:06
Brad Singletary
I love that you have the separation. You see, there’s you know, there’s there’s two wolves in you or whatever this to. And maybe more than more than just two. But at least these two almost identities and and you can choose you can choose to walk whichever path you want and one’s an enemy of the other.
01:07:53:12 – 01:08:07:24
Brad Singletary
It’s beautiful. I love you. You’ve talked about that in the past, Jim and Jimmy, how about you? Talk to Mike adjustments. What’s the importance of that? How do we do it? When do we know what’s? What kind of processes have you gone through to make adjustments in your journey?
01:08:08:28 – 01:08:22:02
Taco Mike
My first thought here is this is a million-dollar conversation. This is the kind of conversation where you would pay a consultant to listen to these two guys if you three guys and then give you this sort of like wisdom and experience.
01:08:24:14 – 01:08:39:00
Taco Mike
So your your question is how how do I personally make course corrections? The one thing I want to see before I maybe mention that is I like who some somebody brought up, like the squirrels in the shiny pennies on the sidewalk.
01:08:39:09 – 01:08:59:17
Taco Mike
I’m so distractible. I’m so hyper interested in avoiding. I want the next piece of dopamine that comes from the cotton candy, rather than the true calories from something that, like the broccoli. I want cotton candy. I don’t want broccoli, and I always want to take the path of least resistance.
01:08:59:26 – 01:09:17:01
Taco Mike
And I want the I want the I want to be distracted and I want I want endless distractions. This is not answer your question, but this is just maybe a thought about writing things down when I have a written goal and intention of who I want to be as a person where I want to go in my
01:09:17:01 – 01:09:37:16
Taco Mike
life, then I can very analytically objectively look at a thing that’s creeping in, that wants my attention. It wants me to say yes to it. And then it allows me this really easy decision making. My decision making tree is so clean because I can just apply it to my goals.
01:09:37:16 – 01:09:50:26
Taco Mike
I could. I could just hold it in my hand. I could just pluck it and hold my hand and say, Do you? I could just interrogate it. Do you help me move towards my? My clearly previously stated and defined goals and objectives?
01:09:51:00 – 01:10:10:14
Taco Mike
If you do, if you are that sort of thing, then I think I’m willing to, you know, give you 123 strikes to see if that’s going to be the case or not. And so sometimes if the answer is like, absolutely no, then I just can move away from that unemotionally.
01:10:10:22 – 01:10:26:21
Taco Mike
So it allows me this decision making process is super detached and unemotional. It’s and Jimmy, I think it said this like when I live in emotion, I’m I’m often failing and flailing and a child. I’m a toddler. I’m throwing temper tantrums and it’s it’s shit show.
01:10:27:10 – 01:10:41:29
Taco Mike
So for me to have these written defined goals, it just allows me the smooth flow through the waters of my life. I just set that like I’ve, I’ve already set the compass. Does that make sense? Like if already locked in my gaps?
01:10:42:09 – 01:10:55:17
Taco Mike
I’m going here and then like detours in life is going to have all these detours. But my GPS can continually recalibrate itself like, Oh, I got to take a turn here to go around this and whatever. That’s fine.
01:10:55:17 – 01:11:06:19
Taco Mike
Like, that’s all. Just answer a picnic. It’s just sort of noise and distractions. But it’s not going to ruin my pick. Like, I’m not going to let a few ads on the sandwich room, my picnic, I’m going to flick them off.
01:11:06:19 – 01:11:25:12
Taco Mike
I’m going to friggin eat the sandwich like I’m not going to become over emotionally reactive because there’s ants at the picnic. That’s just life, and I just deal with life. And so that’s that’s maybe a little more insight into my thinking behind like this is why it’s so helpful and important for me to write things down that
01:11:25:12 – 01:11:47:27
Taco Mike
I do not get distracted and I don’t end up saying yes to things that steal away and rob me from my objective and my goals. Now your question was about what do I do? A course correction? I think again, some of this still matters so that there are times where I do turn voluntarily on a weird Ali
01:11:47:27 – 01:12:05:13
Taco Mike
Street. And I get distracted and I might go down that wrong path or that that that annoying path to that nonsense path for a while. And then I think I’m just I think I’ve just decided that it’s OK if I’m a loser, like it’s OK, I’ve decided it’s OK.
01:12:05:13 – 01:12:20:19
Taco Mike
If people see me as a loser, I’m fine with ridicule. I’m fine with people seeing me for who I am. And that’s often hot mess and a loser and and a failure. Like, I’m OK. So I’m I have made a decision and I think I wrote this down.
01:12:20:20 – 01:12:39:20
Taco Mike
I have to prove this to be the case or not, but I think I wrote down, I’m OK. Words to the effect of like, it’s OK. If people see me fail, I’m OK with being thought of as as not perfect and far from perfect like I am, I am emotionally OK with being seen failing.
01:12:39:26 – 01:13:02:22
Taco Mike
And then I am. I am. I am unaffected by. I choose to be unaffected by the negative thought cycle, the downward thought process that can happen from that. And so I hope to be the kind of person that when I am going the wrong way or someone tells me I’m going the wrong way or the evidence is
01:13:02:22 – 01:13:14:02
Taco Mike
there and I just realize it that I can just turn the steering wheel and go back in a different direction. And even when people are laughing at me and I go, I’m OK with that and I can, I can use that.
01:13:14:02 – 01:13:30:12
Taco Mike
In fact, I’m so OK with that. Like, I’m OK with taking that and using it as energy of like, well, it’s just that’s just power. They’re just giving me power. They’re they’re laughing at me. Because they see themselves in me, and I’m comfortable with that, they’re nervous.
01:13:30:13 – 01:13:41:28
Taco Mike
They’re laughing out of their fears, they’re mocking from their fears. And I see that and I used to be that kind of asshole and that’s like, I’m okay with you thinking, I’m a jerk. You think I’m an idiot?
01:13:41:28 – 01:13:55:09
Taco Mike
You think I’m a failure? I’m going to take that and I’m going to absorb, you’re trying to throw all that at me. I’ll just suck it in like sunlight, like it’s just fuel. I’ll just take it, and then I will use it to, you know, next level up.
01:13:55:09 – 01:14:07:26
Taco Mike
Like, I’m just shifting from third to fourth here. And you just, you know, you just put a little bit of fuel in that in the in the tank for me. So I just decided this. And again, these are like decisions.
01:14:07:26 – 01:14:19:26
Taco Mike
I just decided that I would be the kind of person who will not shy away from defeat. I won’t be afraid of failure. I won’t be afraid, of course. Correction, I’ll just do it. I’ll just. It’s just this, you know, it’s just a thing.
01:14:20:09 – 01:14:21:00
Taco Mike
It’s just a thing.
01:14:21:16 – 01:14:27:08
Brad Singletary
I love that you’re saying. It’s just like the goal or the original goal. It’s a it’s a decision. You’re going to say something, Jimmy.
01:14:27:11 – 01:14:32:25
Jimmy Durbin
No, I just want to know who’s laughing at you like I. They obviously don’t know the kind of man that was.
01:14:33:04 – 01:14:33:29
Brad Singletary
Really going on.
01:14:34:25 – 01:14:36:16
Jimmy Durbin
And if that’s happening in your real life, like.
01:14:36:25 – 01:14:42:23
Taco Mike
It’s metaphorical, it’s not. There’s not people who are like, I don’t think there are.
01:14:43:05 – 01:14:50:04
Mike Olsen
Not, not people that know you really well. There might be people who see you on a podcast, see you on on your channel, see you on.
01:14:50:10 – 01:14:52:06
Jimmy Durbin
Dude, you’re a bad ass dude.
01:14:52:12 – 01:15:05:07
Mike Olsen
But that if they don’t know you really well, that they might laugh at and you understand you’re Jimmy mentioned it earlier, and that’s it’s a real key point. You’re self-aware that, OK. Yes, that’s a human thing. I’ve been a human.
01:15:05:07 – 01:15:09:24
Mike Olsen
I’ve laughed at others, too. That’s going to happen, but it’s not going to deter me from my ultimate goal.
01:15:12:01 – 01:15:28:14
Taco Mike
Yes. So really quick, really quick, really, really quick. Here’s here’s my thought. You know how the concept of squirrel moment? Don’t don’t sleep. So the press don’t believe the good that is said about Jack. I don’t believe the negative that’s said about.
01:15:28:15 – 01:15:39:05
Taco Mike
That’s right. And so that’s maybe my mindset is I believe I believe in me and the rest is it’s just it’s it’s it’s if.
01:15:39:12 – 01:15:40:21
Jimmy Durbin
You will even make you.
01:15:40:21 – 01:15:55:27
Mike Olsen
Recognize you recognize the danger of drinking your drinking other people’s Kool-Aid for good or bad, and you recognize the danger of the self-doubt and the self loathing, and you try to steer away from either one of those because they’re both cliffs.
01:15:56:04 – 01:16:03:09
Taco Mike
They’re both. They’re both talks. It’s both toxic. Praise is toxic and so is ridicule. I don’t believe either of them.
01:16:03:20 – 01:16:25:16
Mike Olsen
Yeah, I did. I still remember that one comment where a church leader was getting just totally praised one person after another would step to the pulpit and praise this particular leader. Same one. And he got up and he said, You know, I learned from a very wise leader one time that perfume is meant to be smelled, not
01:16:25:16 – 01:16:34:19
Mike Olsen
swallowed. Mm-Hmm. And so on. The praise in as well as it kind of works in reverse, too. Don’t don’t worry too much about those that you might perceive as laughing at you.
01:16:35:28 – 01:16:51:24
Brad Singletary
Great stuff, you guys, I’m really impressed with our conversation here so far. We’re going to break into the next part of this, which has to do with patiently pursuing the things that you want, be persevering and continuing to push forward.
01:16:52:05 – 01:17:12:16
Brad Singletary
You’ve made adjustments, you’ve had a written goal. You’ve got the mindset that you can do this thing or that you can accept difficulty. When the going gets tough, you know, when it’s just the boring monotony of the journey is happening, when you don’t seem to be getting the results you need, this is just the grind and the
01:17:12:18 – 01:17:17:24
Brad Singletary
continuous effort. You know, the long part of the journey right.
01:17:17:24 – 01:17:23:09
Speaker 6
In the middle. Gentlemen.
01:17:23:28 – 01:17:27:27
Speaker 5
You are the Alpha. And this is the alpha quorum.