FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:07 – 00:00:21:28

Brad Singletary

He dropped out of home school in fifth grade. His overprotective mother and mostly disengaged father did the best they could. In his early twenties, he walked into his dad’s apartment and found him dead. He’s lived with his mother ever since, and he’s been ridiculed for his codependent relationship with his mom. He didn’t learn to drive until he was 28.

 

00:00:22:26 – 00:01:01:10

Brad Singletary

Eventually graduated from Digital Institute of Technology with a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science and went on to create software for Formula One, IndyCar and the Boeing Company, which awarded him the Boeing Performance Excellence Award in 2014. He took vulnerability to an extreme level by appearing on TLC, Discovery’s hit show 90 Day Fiance, and its various spin offs. He’s currently trying to distance himself from destructive patterns, and he shares with us some never before discussed details of his ongoing development as a man.

 

00:01:04:10 – 00:01:25:18

Intro

If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

00:01:28:24 – 00:01:48:03

Brad Singletary

Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here, super excited to have our guest today, who is a reality TV star. He’s done lots of good things in his life. Making all kinds of big moves right now will share more of the introduction. At another point here. But just want to give a warm welcome to Colt Johnson.

 

00:01:48:16 – 00:02:08:11

Brad Singletary

Hey, how you doing? Good, man. Good to see you. Always a pleasure. So we have a lot Vegas resident here with us who has done some really cool things out in the world of show business. I want to kind of dig into that a little bit and find out how you how that all came to be and what that whole thing has been like.

 

00:02:08:11 – 00:02:16:17

Brad Singletary

This has been several years that you’ve been involved, I think. And so just tell us so from the beginning, how did you get involved with television?

 

00:02:17:15 – 00:02:22:07

Colt Johnson

It’s funny you say Las Vegas resident. I still consider myself resident even though I’ve been here for like five years.

 

00:02:22:25 – 00:02:25:00

Brad Singletary

But it only been five. Oh, wow.

 

00:02:25:00 – 00:02:32:09

Colt Johnson

Okay, so I’m still kind of a newbie here, I guess, but. Okay, it’s weird. It’s been five years by season five. Very long, very long years.

 

00:02:32:09 – 00:02:33:12

Brad Singletary

Long, hot, years.

 

00:02:33:14 – 00:03:01:14

Colt Johnson

Long, hot years. Let me tell you about. So originally I’m from Seattle. Okay? At the time, I was engaged to a woman named Larissa who was from Brazil, right. And I was looking to move. So one of the places was Las Vegas. Another place was Nebraska, Omaha, Nebraska, for those out there wondering. So I asked Larissa what she rather live in Noma Omaha, Nebraska or Las Vegas, Nevada.

 

00:03:01:14 – 00:03:18:00

Colt Johnson

And she picked Vegas. So I took my mother and my cats and moved out to Vegas and rented a house and started work. And a few months later, my fiancee Larissa came out and joined me and well, I guess that was a show.

 

00:03:18:20 – 00:03:26:27

Brad Singletary

So that’s my question is, were you connected as part of that show or you knew her independently and you kind of joined the show or.

 

00:03:26:29 – 00:03:47:05

Colt Johnson

No, I was already engaged to Larissa. We were fans of the show. We watched it together. We were engaged like before we were even involved with it. Larissa was a fan of the show. She was like part of like fan groups on like social media. Okay. Right. And they had like production on the forums, you know, are kind of looking for potential, you know, cast members.

 

00:03:47:18 – 00:04:10:06

Colt Johnson

So apparently one of them emailed Larissa asking them, hey, would you be interested in Larissa? Like, you know, you know, hey, my name is Larissa, you know, showed off her life and what she’s doing, her story, you know, with or other fans or whatever. So basically I was just like a, I guess a cold email and Larissa asked me, we went back and forth and went a lot of back and forth actually with it.

 

00:04:10:28 – 00:04:17:23

Colt Johnson

No one wanted to do it. My mother didn’t want me part of it. Larissa didn’t want to do it. I was the only one that wanted to do it originally.

 

00:04:18:05 – 00:04:22:18

Brad Singletary

Okay, so she talks you into this thing. Women have a way of doing that stuff.

 

00:04:23:01 – 00:04:25:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah, she was nervous about it was.

 

00:04:25:10 – 00:04:27:24

Brad Singletary

Her idea, but she was scared of the cold feet.

 

00:04:27:26 – 00:04:41:20

Colt Johnson

Yeah, but she was getting cold feet, you know, because, you know, it’s very. You put yourself out there exposing yourself and everything, you know? And she has certain things that she didn’t want, you know, out. And me, I just, I don’t know, I’m boring. I just went to school and I work, you know, normal jobs.

 

00:04:42:04 – 00:04:45:20

Brad Singletary

So what year was that? That was that right? As you’re moving here five years ago.

 

00:04:45:21 – 00:05:01:10

Colt Johnson

So that was like 2017. So I moved here September 2017 originally. So this is probably like January, February, well, maybe like June or so of that year. We’re talking about this and talking about moving in and stuff and being involved with everything.

 

00:05:01:14 – 00:05:14:28

Brad Singletary

So this show is 90 Day Fiancé. That’s a TLC program for those who don’t know. And then so to talk about the development of that whole thing, the relationship, the show, the work on that itself, I mean, you’ve been through a.

 

00:05:15:14 – 00:05:16:06

Colt Johnson

I’ve been.

 

00:05:16:07 – 00:05:18:15

Brad Singletary

I’ve been through 30 years of stuff and five years.

 

00:05:18:19 – 00:05:33:26

Colt Johnson

I do feel like that. And I mean, can like I spent a lot of my teenage early twenties kind of not doing a whole lot, but in my thirties I really blossomed as I accelerated far beyond my capacity. So I’ve I’ve grown too much too far. I guess that’s why my hair salon right now.

 

00:05:34:28 – 00:05:38:28

Brad Singletary

So you moved to Vegas and you got started on the show?

 

00:05:38:28 – 00:05:55:26

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So moved to Vegas. Even when I moved to Vegas, we still weren’t sure about the show. We were going back and forth. We auditioned who did like a video conference, you know, before it was cool, you know, this is back in 2017. So we did that and then and we just thought it would be best for our relationship.

 

00:05:55:26 – 00:06:14:22

Colt Johnson

You know, we earn some money, you know, and we’ll just be boring, you know, be on a couple episodes and that’s it, you know, no big deal. So we, you know, we got it selected. We signed the contract and and then and I want to say in early 2018 is when we started filming and then it aired and the end of the year 2018.

 

00:06:15:15 – 00:06:33:20

Brad Singletary

So we call it reality TV. A lot of people are skeptical about that and they think this whole thing is staged and scripted and so forth. And you know, obviously with some things they have to plan it like, okay, we’re going to go here at this time so that people know to go there to start filming you walking into the place.

 

00:06:34:16 – 00:06:39:15

Brad Singletary

But other than that, the storylines basically, would you say that’s reality?

 

00:06:40:06 – 00:07:01:18

Colt Johnson

I mean, reality is subjective, to be sure, but okay, everything I did on television was real. I didn’t it was never pass the script or anything. There was no like, you know, intervention, no lines passed at all. You know, they just want to follow what’s true because what they want to really know, what they really want to capture is the emotion between people.

 

00:07:01:26 – 00:07:18:19

Colt Johnson

That’s what’s important. That’s the reality of everything. Now, you can come into this filming and pretend to be in a relationship. Pretend to have, you know, I taken this with other people or whatever, you know, I mean, we can maintain that. But in my experience, people that try that, they come off very fake and they’re not popular people.

 

00:07:18:19 – 00:07:30:00

Colt Johnson

They’re popular, they stick with. The fans are the ones that resonate with them. They hit an emotional chord and it’s hard to do that without generally displaying emotion, real emotion.

 

00:07:31:01 – 00:07:41:15

Brad Singletary

So what happened with Larissa? I know that you talked about the they wanted to capture the feelings or the emotions between people. It looks like from what I saw from those bits there, there was definitely some emotion.

 

00:07:41:23 – 00:08:00:25

Colt Johnson

Larissa and I were not capable at all. I was very much, you know, flattered by her looks and her personality, you know, and she tolerated me, you know, she wanted whatever to get out of her situation and I wanted to get out of my own. I guess I thought together we could work together, but we were just basically like complete opposites.

 

00:08:01:09 – 00:08:09:05

Colt Johnson

So then reflected a lot, both on television and in our personal life. Even when the cameras are off like things are crazier when the cameras are off and they were on.

 

00:08:09:06 – 00:08:10:07

Brad Singletary

Oh, I’m sure.

 

00:08:10:10 – 00:08:11:25

Colt Johnson

The cameras are there. Let me tell you.

 

00:08:12:02 – 00:08:13:08

Brad Singletary

You’ve got to keep it somewhat.

 

00:08:13:13 – 00:08:14:20

Colt Johnson

Like, you know.

 

00:08:14:27 – 00:08:16:03

Brad Singletary

Just the ball for.

 

00:08:16:08 – 00:08:46:15

Colt Johnson

Getting rid of her. But, you know, it also like it was a relationship I raced into. We didn’t have much in common, different language, you know. And then we were pretty much like when she first came to America, cameras were rolling like there was no and all the way until our divorce, really, the cameras were there. So it was we never really had a sense of a time like where we were together that we weren’t influenced by by that the pressure and nervousness from that.

 

00:08:47:11 – 00:09:02:13

Brad Singletary

So you said you guys weren’t compatible at all. She’s a hot little Brazilian. How did you even to begin with? I mean, because I guess I didn’t realize that this was part of the show and that she comes to you because you’re on TV. But this you started that together?

 

00:09:02:19 – 00:09:03:25

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah, we started together.

 

00:09:04:00 – 00:09:06:20

Brad Singletary

So how did you pull in these kind of chicks?

 

00:09:06:20 – 00:09:25:25

Colt Johnson

Oh, that goes back to all of the things. I was in Seattle and I was single at the time and I was browsing, you know, the dating apps. And I came across Brazilian and so I went on day with her, start talking with her. We didn’t really hit it off, but she was friends with Larissa, so she had endorsed me to Larissa.

 

00:09:25:25 – 00:09:26:11

Brad Singletary

Oh, gotcha.

 

00:09:26:11 – 00:09:29:28

Colt Johnson

Okay, so that’s how I met Larissa originally. And we started talking and.

 

00:09:30:15 – 00:09:30:26

Brad Singletary

I.

 

00:09:30:26 – 00:09:33:05

Colt Johnson

See, you know, the rest is television.

 

00:09:34:17 – 00:09:41:24

Brad Singletary

So what? Talk about that relationship a little bit, just how it unfolded, what happened, how long before it was done and whatever. And what were some of the.

 

00:09:42:06 – 00:10:03:21

Colt Johnson

Oh, with Larissa when we first started talking, she knew no English whatsoever. So we basically exchanged gifts, you know, animated pictures or games or whatever the kids call them now. And eventually she started learning English by herself, so she, you know, texting better, you know, would be easier to text or, you know, communicate that way versus, you know, of a voice.

 

00:10:03:26 – 00:10:23:09

Colt Johnson

Voice, you know, initially that was hard. So our relationship was just basically, you know, hanging out, playing games, kind of showing each other clips of things. And I was kind of very, very surface level, very much the very minimal level as you could possibly possible that. But then after a while, after a few months of doing that, I met her in person in Mexico.

 

00:10:23:12 – 00:10:32:14

Colt Johnson

We met in middle basically spent a few days together in person and even then there were telltale signs of our compatibility.

 

00:10:32:14 – 00:10:33:12

Brad Singletary

But oh boy.

 

00:10:33:13 – 00:10:54:16

Colt Johnson

Having Larissa there, you know, I just felt like in the world basically, you know, man of the world in this foreign land, with this foreign beauty. And and I felt like I felt great. And I just took this kind of, like, rush of, you know, feelings as as love or as things that weren’t real. Basically, it was just, like instantaneous feels, feelings of pleasure.

 

00:10:54:16 – 00:11:01:11

Colt Johnson

And I was mistaken that for, like, real long term emotional love wasn’t there. Fortunately.

 

00:11:02:18 – 00:11:25:18

Brad Singletary

That takes some maturity to be able to make that distinction between the chemistry and the passionate feelings that show up in the beginning, you know, new hot girl and whatever. And it’s the novelty of everything you’re saying that was mistaken for love in the beginning. You’ve learned maybe something about that, about love outside of that relationship, because you’ve moved on and carried on.

 

00:11:25:18 – 00:11:25:26

Brad Singletary

Yeah.

 

00:11:26:12 – 00:11:47:14

Colt Johnson

Yeah. My my perception of love has definitely changed. It’s evolved over the years. I mean, I’ve always chased it like like it was like my last breath of air is essentially this neediness, this thing that I never had. And it’s something that I’m still discovering to this point. I think it goes back to basically the dawn of myself and, you know, who’s there at the beginning, who loves you and you know why that is and such.

 

00:11:47:14 – 00:12:08:15

Colt Johnson

And I’ve always been kind of chasing he’s chasing that. But as I get older, you know, I replace that type of love, you know, as in love, affection, love, lusts, you know, physical love, you know, very primal, basic, basic love as you could possibly get, because that’s basically all I knew or could understand.

 

00:12:09:25 – 00:12:13:00

Brad Singletary

So five years ago, how old were you?

 

00:12:13:00 – 00:12:19:23

Colt Johnson

27. Oh, I know. I’m. Why am I talking about so I was 34 or so. Yeah. Okay. Three, three.

 

00:12:20:09 – 00:12:20:16

Brad Singletary

Three.

 

00:12:20:25 – 00:12:21:21

Colt Johnson

Three, three, three, two.

 

00:12:22:04 – 00:12:28:01

Brad Singletary

All right. There was this. And had you had other relationships before? Were there major, big long term relationships?

 

00:12:28:01 – 00:12:53:00

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah. Surprisingly, my relationship with Larissa was one of my shorter relationships. Go figure. That one I, I had, I guess you would say three long term relationships before my, my wife for Larissa the longest was probably like four or five years and then three years and then two years. So I was married for one year, so this is going down.

 

00:12:53:05 – 00:13:07:00

Brad Singletary

So you get your life all out there on TV. I looked up one time, if the numbers wrong, help me if you know better. But I think I saw that that show, the viewership is like 30 million. The audience is about 30 million. People are watching this show.

 

00:13:07:03 – 00:13:17:16

Colt Johnson

Oh, I don’t know the numbers, but let me tell you, it’s an all of the world global AIDS translated in multiple languages and different platforms. And it’s been going on for many, many years.

 

00:13:18:26 – 00:13:42:11

Brad Singletary

So you get your whole life exposed in front of everyone in the world. We’re seeing, you know, fights on TV. We’re seeing arguments, we’re seeing drama and these things. And that’s kind of what that’s cool TV. But this is your real life. This is your actual day to day existence happening that’s in this intense way. Talk about how that all went to the end of the relationship.

 

00:13:42:11 – 00:13:42:25

Brad Singletary

What happened?

 

00:13:43:01 – 00:14:05:15

Colt Johnson

My marriage to Larissa, I mean, it reflected a lot in the show. We fought a lot we argued bicker doesn’t matter was about money and my mother myself you know there’s always points of tension, you know, in real life, you know, and the show reflected that that that’s that’s a big reason why we were popular, honestly, because it was all real is all very, very unfortunate.

 

00:14:05:15 – 00:14:28:29

Colt Johnson

It was a very dark time for me. I was very sad. I was going to a it was a very sad time for me. I moved, you know, I just moved from Washington. So I was in a new state, a new job. I didn’t particularly like the state or the job or anything, you know, and here’s a my fiancee who very much acted in this towards me and throughout my marriage.

 

00:14:28:29 – 00:14:54:29

Colt Johnson

And, you know, in a lot of ways, the show was there. Kind of the only thing that kept me really sane or kept me going or interested, kept me grounded because it was something that I look forward to, stuff that I could plan, you know, something the obviously I could actually plan together and look forward to and even though we fought, it was just I don’t know, it was just it was just something for us to bond over.

 

00:14:55:19 – 00:15:16:17

Brad Singletary

There was some excitement there. There’s some attention involved with that. I can imagine, you know, what happens on social media. And, you know, you’re you’re in all the magazine, you know, everywhere where fans of these types of shows are you’re right in the middle of it. Your pictures there, there’s video clips, there’s YouTube, there’s all this just exposure.

 

00:15:16:21 – 00:15:23:09

Brad Singletary

And I had to feel good to be maybe seen. And even if some of what was being seen wasn’t your best.

 

00:15:23:22 – 00:15:51:27

Colt Johnson

I remember the first like me and my saw, I was like, What the heck is that? It’s just ridiculous. It’s like, curse answer or something about or just that’s crazy. I just never thought that would ever be a thing. And, you know, and then over time, you know, it was funny. And then it became kind of a I remember Larissa was very public during our fights, you know, during the end of our marriage, we’d fight a lot and she’d go to, you know, live streaming and broadcast, you know, her grievances with me, whether, you know, privately or in front of me, basically.

 

00:15:51:27 – 00:16:12:27

Colt Johnson

And that ran into a lot of problems with like the show because we were filming this time. So we can’t spoil anything. So we fight about that as well. So it’s like it just became like this or Boris of, you know, problems of like ten points of tension, problems arguing. And it just it just didn’t stop, essentially. And the ended just it blew up.

 

00:16:12:27 – 00:16:35:25

Colt Johnson

And then, like, I remember I second or so this is Larissa’s second arrest and she was broadcasting on live and everything and people were like, you know, commenting, you know, it was it was it was a crazy thing. You know, people were calling my cell phone. If I finding my number, you know, they were calling the police, they’re calling whoever they could because they thought it was just it was it was beyond myself.

 

00:16:35:25 – 00:16:46:22

Colt Johnson

It wasn’t just me having an argument with my fiancee. I was like me against the world at this point because of the show, because of because we were on television show.

 

00:16:47:24 – 00:16:50:08

Brad Singletary

You didn’t mean for that part to happen. That wasn’t the.

 

00:16:50:15 – 00:16:50:29

Colt Johnson

No, this is.

 

00:16:51:06 – 00:16:51:22

Brad Singletary

The cameras.

 

00:16:51:22 – 00:17:08:14

Colt Johnson

Were in there. This is the best part. That’s what I’m talking about. Right. Like they were taking the weekend off and this was just a Saturday morning for us know. And the cops eventually called, I don’t know, a fan or something. And they found our address and they busted in the front door with a guns drawn. Oh, wow.

 

00:17:08:14 – 00:17:29:17

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And they pulled my ass out because, you know, and then they’re ready to haul me all my ass in the paddy wagon. But when they found Larissa, they they’re interviewing both of us back and forth, and and they arrested her, but it was just like, you know, and the whole all that was escalated because of, like, the tension from the show, because of the fans, because of Larissa.

 

00:17:29:17 – 00:17:53:20

Colt Johnson

During all that, it was just there’s a lot of points of tension that I would say my marriage definitely hyper accelerated to its final conclusion. You know, like over there, over the cliff, the railroad tracks burning over the cliff like it just was far to it would happen anyway, whether it was a year which, you know, I was married for like six months, you know.

 

00:17:53:26 – 00:18:00:25

Colt Johnson

So if it wasn’t for the show, I think I would have maybe took six years. Who knows? But it would have ended. Probably, unfortunately.

 

00:18:02:03 – 00:18:05:00

Brad Singletary

Glad it did not. It ended.

 

00:18:06:00 – 00:18:20:09

Colt Johnson

I mean, I’m I’m not glad it ended. I mean, I unfortunately, you know, things happen. We weren’t compatible. I mean, it’s a good thing I’m glad I learned we weren’t compatible and I was able to move on from it.

 

00:18:20:12 – 00:18:21:18

Brad Singletary

Okay, that makes sense.

 

00:18:22:10 – 00:18:29:06

Colt Johnson

Unfortunately, I wish I could have saw that before I got married, but I guess that was kind of like the learning blocks I had to go to to learn.

 

00:18:30:11 – 00:18:34:29

Brad Singletary

So after Larissa, the show thought, They’ve got to star here.

 

00:18:34:29 – 00:18:35:29

Colt Johnson

After last year.

 

00:18:36:02 – 00:18:42:19

Brad Singletary

They got this guy. So then you proceeded and then there was another relationship at some point to talk about that.

 

00:18:42:22 – 00:19:04:25

Colt Johnson

So after Larissa and I separated, she moved on and started dating someone else. And then I. I started dating someone else, you know, I just. So this woman was visiting from out of town, and the man was in Las Vegas, and we just kind of hit off a little here off, you know, you know, she’s younger and, you know, I was single again.

 

00:19:04:25 – 00:19:12:03

Colt Johnson

You know, we hit it off in the sense of like she likes to drink and, you know, I like to have fun with a girl that the single okay.

 

00:19:12:03 – 00:19:15:01

Brad Singletary

And so that turned into something quickly too. I mean yeah.

 

00:19:15:02 – 00:19:34:05

Colt Johnson

So that that as soon as that we were like relationship, I mean it wasn’t even like we were in a relationship, it was more just like we met and then we were, I was attracted to her and hit it off and I told, you know, production that because they always kind of curious of, you know, what’s new, what’s, you know, what do you be doing?

 

00:19:34:17 – 00:19:54:28

Colt Johnson

So, you know, and I was I told them, oh, I’m dating a a new Brazilian, essentially a younger Brazilian. And then they they liked that idea for some reason. So they followed my ex-wife and, and myself independently or going to our divorce at the time. So she was dating her boyfriend and I was dating my girlfriend.

 

00:19:56:14 – 00:20:02:07

Brad Singletary

Okay. And then and then what happened from there? Where did that take you from there to your current?

 

00:20:02:26 – 00:20:23:03

Colt Johnson

Well, that that was just kind of the start of a split of my whole other life. I guess in a lot of ways. My my marriage with Larissa was the Prolog, which I never thought that would be. But after that, I felt, you know, I got some kind of, you know, sense of, you know, chip on my shoulder a little bit, you know?

 

00:20:23:03 – 00:20:43:00

Colt Johnson

You know, I felt kind of good about myself. I was on TV, you know, I had a lot of attention from other people. And I never I never had that before, obviously, not to that extent, you know. Right. And I still wanted to be a good person, but I still wanted affection. And there’s always I guess I’m just I grew up as very selfish, you know, the only child.

 

00:20:43:00 – 00:21:03:05

Colt Johnson

So, like, you know, I had a girlfriend, but my girlfriend was like long distance or there’s always these things. I just want more. More, more. So and I was me, I was just like, I would accept love at whatever the costs. Like, doesn’t matter if I felt bad or if I felt like, you know, whatever exceptional I was, I felt I was receiving a love that was okay.

 

00:21:03:05 – 00:21:24:27

Colt Johnson

So there was a lot of relationship I had you in love with with the Brazilian that it just affected me. It was just like I just wanted to feel something I really love, you know, whether I’d take a drink or or do some kind of, you know, drug or whatever, it’s just I’m always chasing that feeling. And so that’s what happened after my divorce.

 

00:21:24:27 – 00:21:43:00

Colt Johnson

I just wanted to feel love because I was very much and there’s deficits, deficit of love. I just felt like I needed to feel happy, joy, you know? So I took that for loss. I took it for drinking. I took it for all that earthly pleasure desires. And this woman represented a lot of that. So that’s kind of what I fell into.

 

00:21:43:17 – 00:22:09:28

Colt Johnson

So that already was a bad state of mind, you know, and then that makes it my newfound celebrity. Um, you know, I was talking to a bunch of girls, you know, they’d send me a bunch of pictures, inappropriate imagery, you know? And I returned the favor, you know, I was gentleman like that, I guess, you know. And even so, I had a friend at the time who she was a fan of the show.

 

00:22:10:04 – 00:22:31:10

Colt Johnson

We she was local in Vegas. I’m and then we start talking and I can really confide in her a lot during my marriage. So Risa you just kind of my only outlet a lot of the time. So she never went away from Larissa, but she never was never interested in me. And she was married, so, like, she didn’t want the hopes to, you know, to get with her.

 

00:22:31:18 – 00:22:51:14

Colt Johnson

Even though I would love to. I would tell you. Right. I would have totally loved that. But so basically I had I wanted more than her and she always kind of turned me down. So here comes this young, hot Brazilian that likes to do all these earthly pleasures and wants to be on television with me. So why would I do that?

 

00:22:51:14 – 00:23:10:09

Colt Johnson

And since I knew it was kind of a fluff thing, you know, it, you know, I just I didn’t really care about everything. I didn’t really care anything at that point in my life. I kind of hit rock bottom, right? And my marriage was over. You know, I felt crappy. You know, I felt like no one really loved me at all.

 

00:23:10:14 – 00:23:12:14

Colt Johnson

So I was like, Well, I don’t really love anybody.

 

00:23:12:14 – 00:23:23:15

Brad Singletary

Then you talk about hitting rock bottom, but you’re that’s when your popularity and your, you know, being known around the world, that’s when that’s sharply growing.

 

00:23:23:20 – 00:23:27:11

Colt Johnson

It wasn’t even the rock bottom that was just that thought that I thought that was rock bottom.

 

00:23:27:11 – 00:23:30:01

Brad Singletary

Oh, you just felt it at the time I’m here, man. Yeah.

 

00:23:30:22 – 00:23:58:21

Colt Johnson

Eager for so much, so much more in life. Okay, you know, so you keep going in this like I don’t fuck it type of attitude in life and my relationship to this woman. In all honesty, it only lasted like I only saw her total grand total maybe like 12 days in person. So we have like a long distance for like three or four months, but it wasn’t a big thing on my side and I guess I never really kind of portrayed that tension.

 

00:23:58:21 – 00:24:25:15

Colt Johnson

I don’t I don’t understand. I think we both had ill intentions, but I can’t speak for her. But at the end of the day, I just kept going, growing like the snowball. Right? It just kept going bigger and bigger down this hill. And I just, you know, I’d been drinking more, smoking maybe more or just doing bad things, hanging out with bad women, you know, to some extent, you know, this is, you know, I would hang out with or just talk to people that I just there’s just nothing there.

 

00:24:25:15 – 00:24:38:27

Colt Johnson

Just hollow experience just because I just wanted to to feel something. So I talk to more women. They send me more pictures. I send more pictures, some videos, I send them videos. So a lot of my inappropriate imagery was like, you know, you.

 

00:24:38:27 – 00:24:40:10

Brad Singletary

Get your junk out there, too.

 

00:24:40:19 – 00:24:58:00

Colt Johnson

There’s like a collection series, I would say, you know, there’s about 12 or 14 good videos you’re into today. I shit. You know, you go on social media, you know, they still talk about the clips, you know, they trade them like they’re collecting cards and I get collect them all. I guess.

 

00:24:58:11 – 00:24:59:03

Brad Singletary

That’s funny.

 

00:24:59:21 – 00:25:16:16

Colt Johnson

I can laugh about it now, but I remember when that first happened, it was a big, you know, it was all the social media, you know, it was just I was like devastated, you know? I mean, people like saying, oh, how he’s disgusting. Why? Why would he send these to the poor people? And like, well, they were sending me stuff, too, you know?

 

00:25:16:16 – 00:25:37:15

Colt Johnson

So, I mean, and, you know, it’s just so it was like I have this bad public opinion. I have myself exposed in this very, you know, the barest way possible. You know, people are making fun of me always. Of course. I was going to say all you have I can seven is seven foot log in your fucking pants or whatever.

 

00:25:37:15 – 00:25:44:20

Colt Johnson

Right. But you know, and it’s just a lot of people can read shit online that could destroy their mind. Right. You know, if you’re careful, I.

 

00:25:44:20 – 00:25:47:03

Brad Singletary

Can’t imagine what kind of things have been sent to you.

 

00:25:47:03 – 00:26:06:28

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I mean, you dig far enough, you can read the worst comments forever about yourself and you just. Yeah, I mean, you have two choices. You could take that and really hold that inside of yourself or just look and walk away, you know? And I’ve seen people most people, unfortunately, take it and they still they have to keep looking.

 

00:26:06:28 – 00:26:17:16

Colt Johnson

They can’t they can’t not look away. It’s like it’s like they’re the hands or the eyes are glued to their screen and they have to know what, why, why they’re not love. And and it just becomes this obsession.

 

00:26:17:28 – 00:26:28:02

Brad Singletary

Was the opposite true as well, though, that you get a lot of comments were there was there are a lot of loving supportive where the people saying you go you know it was it that was there positive things.

 

00:26:28:02 – 00:26:45:08

Colt Johnson

Or oh yeah, I definitely have my fan base. Let me tell you, I got my fans that love me and support me and wish me the best and you know, and whatever I do, you know, I’ve had a lot of fans tell me like, oh, you know, they have family members ask if they have more Colton like more shows or me and stuff.

 

00:26:45:08 – 00:27:05:05

Colt Johnson

And I’m not 90 days specifically. So, you know, if I meet people, you know in real life or whatever, they’re always very happy. And one person and I had one person cry. It was their birthday. We’re at a restaurant and they were they were a little drunk, but but they were crying, bawling tears like they just met, like the pope or something.

 

00:27:05:23 – 00:27:11:05

Colt Johnson

And it was just I was with my wife and we were just. We just want burritos.

 

00:27:12:07 – 00:27:14:03

Brad Singletary

You get recognized all over the place to people.

 

00:27:14:03 – 00:27:36:11

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Even today, a surprisingly I really mean more if like, I’m on something that’s on television currently airing. But you know, it depends, you know, more, you know, demographic, more observant, you know, more popular and other demos, other cities, you know, other places, you know, places like Walmart, you get recognized more than maybe know other places where I am for.

 

00:27:36:14 – 00:27:59:14

Colt Johnson

But yeah, I love my fans. Always been very nice. They’ve always been, you know, very cool. And, you know, it actually I’ve had some really, really nice experiences, like people, very nice messages saying, you know, they’re feeling bad about their lives or whatever, but they can watch what I did and relate or feel better about themselves or or bring them some sort of happiness or joy, you know?

 

00:27:59:14 – 00:28:15:03

Colt Johnson

And, you know, when you think about it, at the time when I was filming this, like my divorce with Larissa, I was crying and miserable, like I said, one of the darkest times in my life. But, you know, is also very funny to a lot of people. And looking back now, I’m like, Yeah, that’s very funny because I have that disconnection now.

 

00:28:15:03 – 00:28:15:29

Brad Singletary

Right, right.

 

00:28:16:01 – 00:28:33:22

Colt Johnson

So like, people will actually appreciate that. And it’s something that, you know, people like you bring out a lot. You know, most people get a lot into it. So make someone that feel emotion, a good emotion, a good emotion, a positive, happy experience, even if it’s watching a video clip like that, that really means a lot to me.

 

00:28:33:25 – 00:28:42:17

Brad Singletary

Yeah. So after the second girl, you had this friend that was, you know, kind of on deck, she wasn’t that interested. You tried to make something happen with her?

 

00:28:42:21 – 00:29:10:25

Colt Johnson

Yes. Then. Well, well, so is this friend. I we she divorced her husband finally, but she still didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. So I’m like, well, I got rid of the guy. You still don’t want me. I’m so I’m like, you know, like, hum, she’s like an onion. How many layers I have to peel that to get to her, you know, but so, but after her divorce or towards the end, I guess we start become physical.

 

00:29:11:11 – 00:29:35:07

Colt Johnson

Okay. Having affair physical. I was definitely emotional before, but so we started sleeping together and this is when I was with my girlfriend at the time, my long distance Brazilian girlfriend. So, you know, this is a whole like downward down world, you know, spirals at the vortex of despair, right? Going down worse and worse into being more and more of a degenerate, I guess, you know, bad behavior.

 

00:29:35:28 – 00:29:58:03

Colt Johnson

And I kept that from my girlfriend. And and it was just I wasn’t doing anything good. I wasn’t I had no morals, no sense of ethics. I wasn’t standing tall for anything. You know, that’s the problem. Back then, I, I was just going wave. I was looking for love and using my dick as a fucking pointing. Pointing, Roland.

 

00:29:58:04 – 00:30:00:01

Brad Singletary

Basically, yeah. Show me where. Yeah.

 

00:30:00:18 – 00:30:04:05

Colt Johnson

Show me that it’s a confess. Show me where love is okay.

 

00:30:04:09 – 00:30:08:24

Brad Singletary

Head north so was a different though with this was a different with this.

 

00:30:09:07 – 00:30:35:14

Colt Johnson

Yeah so my wife should know what spoilers I guess but so this friend we became close but we bonded over trauma. Right. Okay. I let out a lot of my emotional waste from my marriage to Larissa to this friend, and we bonded over that. She she has this kind of like, nursing, motherly, you know.

 

00:30:35:14 – 00:30:36:07

Brad Singletary

Caretaker.

 

00:30:36:07 – 00:31:02:04

Colt Johnson

Caretaker type of personality, right? So she felt this type of love or this bond over me for that. So I gave her a lot of attention that her husband and give her. Right. So emotional attention. I was good at that. Let me tell you, when we never found me attractive so much physically but emotionally, I gave it all attention and I was very attentive and, you know, and that that really created a sense of bonding between us.

 

00:31:02:23 – 00:31:27:14

Colt Johnson

But as much as we had this bonding, I wanted more, you know, I wanted to her to be my girlfriend. I wanted to go on a date with her, wanting to kiss her. Why? To sleep with her. But she didn’t want to do that. So I started talking to other girls and then she found out about this. And then she kind of didn’t have trust anymore with me because she thought she was the only one that confided in and the only one that that was there for me.

 

00:31:27:14 – 00:31:59:14

Colt Johnson

And she was she was. But there I was talking to other people because I didn’t know what would happen next, you know, and she was married. So but this this started this sense. So because she had this like this sense of like, oh, he’s he’s this, like, perfect little person, like, you know, and I broke that. And that’s something that over time has grown, you know, like, so now by Kira’s girlfriend, I’m sleeping with with my friend Vanessa, and I’m hiding it from my girlfriend.

 

00:31:59:14 – 00:32:21:16

Colt Johnson

Long distance girlfriend. Mm hmm. And I’m asking her not to tell her and all this stuff. So I’m even telling her, hey, you know, I’m not a good boyfriend, you know, lie lie to my girlfriend for me or don’t tell her or whatever. So I’m teaching her that you should not date me. So even so, there’s a rift that initially was, you know, a crack is now grown at this stage.

 

00:32:21:28 – 00:32:44:27

Colt Johnson

So but we still have we still are in relationship. We still grow. You know, we still we become more physical or whatever. And eventually the my long distance girl and I, we break up came end of a season. We broke up, you know, whatever. But I still wanted Vanessa, you know, and we, we but even though we sleep together more and more, she’s living with me to my mom and I.

 

00:32:44:27 – 00:32:49:09

Colt Johnson

She, she living in our spare bedroom. She’s paying rent and everything, but.

 

00:32:49:17 – 00:32:49:28

Brad Singletary

Right.

 

00:32:50:08 – 00:33:11:26

Colt Johnson

But she still had this distance, you know, she was single now, so she was going on dates herself. You know, she was exploring. She didn’t want to be tied down in another relationship. But me being selfish, I was like, Well, hey, now you’re free and I’m free. Let’s, let’s do it. But she wasn’t ready. But me being selfish, I kept chasing Eric kept trying to, you know, I guess they call it love bombing an emotional bombing or some shit now, whatever.

 

00:33:11:26 – 00:33:16:07

Colt Johnson

But, you know, that’s just being attentive. Back in my day.

 

00:33:16:20 – 00:33:22:25

Brad Singletary

What was your what did you find so different about her? What made you want to hang on for so long and pursue her for so long?

 

00:33:23:01 – 00:33:43:21

Colt Johnson

Well, she’s definitely my Moby-Dick, I guess. You know, she we didn’t I mean, just kiss her for, like, so long, and our relationship was kissing her, you know, I was like, like, the biggest experience, you know, months in the making and then sleeping with her, you know, that was like once more so. And then, I don’t know, as just as bond.

 

00:33:44:03 – 00:34:02:15

Colt Johnson

I mean, now, you know, now who I am. Now I could tell you what it is more clearly. And then I could then, you know, but I believe now it was like I said, it was this nursing thing, like this motherly love. Okay, so I must I think that was a love. I really resonated with more than anything else.

 

00:34:03:09 – 00:34:33:13

Colt Johnson

And it was this caring patient kind of like like a warm blanket love, you know, kind of wrap yourself around it. And I never felt that before ever that not even, you know, from anybody. So that was something I just it just never went away by. Over time in my pursuit of her, I really sullied the water a lot in that love, that that warm love really kind of became this really raggedy, dirty, soiled blanket.

 

00:34:34:05 – 00:34:39:02

Colt Johnson

It’s still a blanket. It still kind of warms you, but it’s definitely not there.

 

00:34:39:02 – 00:34:40:04

Brad Singletary

What’s happened?

 

00:34:40:29 – 00:35:10:00

Colt Johnson

Well, you know, so eventually her and I, we we became I mean, it’s weird because the show and I the show and my relationships kind of remembered each other, right? I was married or divorced, my rebound, all of that. And then it followed my kind of affair with that. And then that to my eventual relationship was with her and then my marriage with was wifey number two.

 

00:35:10:00 – 00:35:40:07

Colt Johnson

Vanessa So, but it’s like it was like we didn’t get together because we wanted to. We just got together because we were there and just I felt like it was the next thing to do. I mean, if you ask her now, she’ll say, I forced her into it. Right. I think she would like I do believe that that my wife thinks that she forced into a lot of things.

 

00:35:41:03 – 00:35:53:22

Brad Singletary

What made her hang on to you so tight? Because she was there. She didn’t want to be, you know, romantically with you to begin with, wherever. Obviously, she’s married at the time. But what did she see in you that was that she loved or appreciated?

 

00:35:54:00 – 00:36:13:27

Colt Johnson

I mean, initially, I think it was she saw this like pure, innocent soul that you help this little baby bird, you know. And then I think I don’t know if she just wanted to recapture that or I don’t know. I was her only friend for a long time as well. Like, she’s kind of she doesn’t she’s not really a social body.

 

00:36:13:27 – 00:36:34:15

Colt Johnson

So we definitely bonded over stuff and we just we just kept holding on to that for whatever. And things just kept going and going and going. Like I said, like, you know, my divorce, my rebound, filming her divorce, you know, it just it wasn’t any time to really think about our relationship, like, why are we here? Why do we like each other?

 

00:36:34:25 – 00:36:55:29

Colt Johnson

Like, do we have plans where our plans, you know, I mean, I was still living, you know, living with my mother, you know, like throughout this whole process as well. So I have a plans to like live with Vanessa, my or anybody. I have plans to really do anything with anybody. I just thought moving girl and the rest would be happily ever after.

 

00:36:56:24 – 00:37:11:12

Brad Singletary

So I want to talk later more after we get kind of your story out there on the table. But what’s what was your mom’s role in the development of your relationship or your marriage now? I mean, what’s what’s been her.

 

00:37:11:28 – 00:37:36:06

Colt Johnson

My mother’s always been in my life, whether I was first day elementary school or last a graduation in college, my marriage or every day between every second in between. Really, she just I was kind of there. And she’s she’s always been there. She’s been very helpful. She’s always been very dotty and over me, I guess they call them helicopter moms to some degree.

 

00:37:36:07 – 00:38:04:12

Colt Johnson

But it’s hard as an adult being adult, living with your parent. Definitely it’s impossible because your parent, at least from my experience, my parent, they always want to feel this higher functionality over you. You know, it’s how they I don’t know if it’s just something that, you know, they grow into or whatever. But my mother, especially, I feel like she exists in this personality of higher functioning.

 

00:38:04:12 – 00:38:30:10

Colt Johnson

So for us to coexist together in the same environment, she has to feel better about herself. And so there are ways the best way basically, you know, the way she cooks you planes always you know, I’m I am the son the boy the boy don’t know too good so and that’s reflected on to the marriage. I mean, if I’m living with my wife or whoever, the way my mother treats me, I mean, it just puts me in my space.

 

00:38:30:10 – 00:38:46:09

Colt Johnson

And my wife’s asking me, like, you know, well, one, you know, I want to do that, you know, so she can’t she gets denied that pleasure. And then to Cherie thinks is viewed as a as a piece or or thing. You know, she I think of you as equal and.

 

00:38:46:29 – 00:38:50:01

Brad Singletary

Sees use this inferior weaker person or something.

 

00:38:50:01 – 00:38:50:25

Colt Johnson

And yeah.

 

00:38:51:14 – 00:38:54:22

Brad Singletary

This is the dynamic between you and your mom and your lived together at the time.

 

00:38:54:22 – 00:39:06:13

Colt Johnson

Yeah, we lived together. I live my mother my entire life. I mean, there’s little spots here and there that I did and but, you know, it just never it never occurred to my mother to not live with me. I mean, I especially after my father died.

 

00:39:06:17 – 00:39:19:16

Brad Singletary

Okay. So that’s I’m curious about what went into that. I mean, as a young adult, where most people are parting ways with their parents and doing their own thing and whatever, what what was different about your journey there?

 

00:39:19:19 – 00:39:39:04

Colt Johnson

Well, there are a lot of things in my life that kind of derailed me. Well, when I so originally I lived well. So when I was five, I lived in Sacramento, California. I went to school there until I was ten. We moved to Seattle, Washington area. But when I moved there, I didn’t really jive with the school so much.

 

00:39:39:28 – 00:39:50:20

Colt Johnson

So I basically I was home schooled, so I didn’t finish elementary school at all. If you look at some degrees, I’m actually an elementary school dropout.

 

00:39:51:08 – 00:39:51:28

Brad Singletary

Wow.

 

00:39:51:28 – 00:39:59:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I had fifth grade. I didn’t finish the fifth grade, technically. So. And this is back, you know, like all of my.

 

00:39:59:19 – 00:40:01:23

Brad Singletary

1990, 1990.

 

00:40:01:23 – 00:40:26:06

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Ninth. Yeah. It really nice. 795. Right. So like this is like before the everyone had internet even like this is before AOL, right? Even right. You got mail? Nope. But so, you know, my mother tried, you know, she went to the, you know, back then home school connection and drive to people that had, you know, supplies, resources, good textbooks, online stuff.

 

00:40:26:06 – 00:40:56:20

Colt Johnson

And she kind of helped me, my teacher, more or less for that, you know. But she wasn’t the most academic person, you know, I don’t know her own academic background, you know, I don’t know exactly what she accomplished in life but teaching that just wasn’t something that she was particularly great at. So my interest in that varied over the years and so more or less just kind of taught myself things, you know, eventually I did get a computer, I got AOL finally, thank God.

 

00:40:57:07 – 00:41:16:22

Colt Johnson

And I just kind of spent most of my early years on the Internet just blocking off playing games and never went back to school at all. Eventually, I got my GED and then I got my shit together and went to school. But that was in my twenties, early twenties, teens and everything.

 

00:41:16:24 – 00:41:25:23

Brad Singletary

So you dropped out of fifth grade? Yeah. And what? Why was I’m curious, why were you being taught at home? What was the thought about that at that point? Well.

 

00:41:26:02 – 00:41:43:13

Colt Johnson

The I was trying to get my mother was trying to get me into the next class because I was actually ahead or not. I was actually so I was bored and and I just didn’t I didn’t bond well with other kids. I mean, looking back, it should just been like, you know, deal with it, you know, I’ll just it’ll get better.

 

00:41:43:27 – 00:42:03:04

Colt Johnson

But my mother, you know, just for whatever reason, you know, didn’t like me crying, couldn’t you know, whatever people you like, they want to help you, you know, they make decisions. So and this is a thing that was going on for a couple of weeks and it’s back and forth and just I guess because it would have pushed me into the next great like middle school.

 

00:42:03:04 – 00:42:10:07

Colt Johnson

So they didn’t want to do that. So my mother said, Well, if you’re not going to push them into the next grade, I’ll take them and train him myself.

 

00:42:10:18 – 00:42:12:12

Brad Singletary

Was your dad around at this point or what?

 

00:42:12:13 – 00:42:35:26

Colt Johnson

Yeah, so my dad was around. But so this this is a thing that I didn’t learn about until more recently in my life, when my dad was very much a passive or so in his own life, especially in relationships as well as like just raising me in general, like my mother in Hammer’s file a lot about me specifically and their own problems.

 

00:42:35:26 – 00:42:41:12

Colt Johnson

But you know, I was definitely used as a weapon during their the proxy wars.

 

00:42:41:21 – 00:42:42:26

Brad Singletary

Tug of war type of thing.

 

00:42:43:02 – 00:42:43:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

00:42:43:15 – 00:42:47:23

Brad Singletary

When you say he was passive with you, does that mean just not as involved or what all do you mean?

 

00:42:47:23 – 00:43:11:21

Colt Johnson

Like also check this shit out. My father. So my father was primarily raised by his mother. Okay, so my my, my father never met his biological father. Okay. Is a result of a basically what you call a one night stand nowadays. But this is back in the, you know, late forties or whatever, right? So, uh, my mother was I’m sorry.

 

00:43:11:21 – 00:43:33:12

Colt Johnson

So his, my father’s mother, my grandmother raised my father by herself for a couple of years. But back then that was very much different story. It was very much frowned upon, you know, socially and economically speaking. It was just hard. So she was she arranged for my father to be adopted an open a open adoption.

 

00:43:33:18 – 00:43:33:26

Brad Singletary

Wow.

 

00:43:33:26 – 00:44:00:18

Colt Johnson

Okay. So he was by this older couple in Tahoe called the Johnsons. Um, spoilers. So my surname comes from adoption. Oh, wow. Well, I follow my father’s birth. Surname is not Johnson. Okay, so he was adopted. He was eight years old, though, approximately. So he’s already kind of like grew up a bit. Um, but this couple, the Johnsons, they were like, they’re older, like in the fifties, forties there.

 

00:44:00:18 – 00:44:24:09

Colt Johnson

He had kids in their twenties and moved on. Right. But they’re wealthy, I guess they they were involved in the early boating, public recreational boating that was going on. So he he spent his years there, but like I said, his brothers were older. But so he he had his mother basically his mother would visit him on the weekends or whatever, come out and see him.

 

00:44:24:09 – 00:44:44:28

Colt Johnson

And that was his life basically even with this older couple and then having his mother visit him periodically. And when you turned 18, he was out the door and lived his life. But so and I mean otherwise, I guess you never really had a strong male male influence in his life. Right? Right. Like he never had that type of just it was his mother.

 

00:44:44:28 – 00:45:09:29

Colt Johnson

And then there was just this older couple that, you know, probably didn’t really have that type of energy or type of devotion to him much as he might have needed. So him growing up, I mean, he was married five times. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So he only had one child as far as he knew. So that was a proudest thing he ever did, was only having one child out of five marriages.

 

00:45:10:20 – 00:45:11:10

Colt Johnson

My mother was the.

 

00:45:11:26 – 00:45:12:16

Brad Singletary

She the fifth.

 

00:45:12:16 – 00:45:36:02

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So my mother was the lucky number five, I guess. Okay. But, uh, he, I think he always wanted a sense of family and being a belong or something, I don’t know, not having a typical family growing up or whatever. But I definitely think he wanted to recreate that and wanted to feel a sense of belonging and he didn’t know how to to do that.

 

00:45:36:02 – 00:46:00:15

Colt Johnson

And I think he, like me now, just want to feel love. So you you have someone that will give you love at whatever price you do, whatever you can as submissive to that matter, you know. And my father was I think he taught me that also runs in the family or whatever. So at the end of the day, my mother definitely I felt like was had the last say in raising me.

 

00:46:00:23 – 00:46:03:04

Colt Johnson

So he just stepped aside.

 

00:46:04:03 – 00:46:09:10

Brad Singletary

So he wasn’t that involved with you in terms of, you know, day to day play and stuff like that.

 

00:46:09:10 – 00:46:28:24

Colt Johnson

And my father was a little bit older, so we didn’t really have a lot. We’d go outside, play catch here and there. We played actually a lot of video games. I was out there playing like Super Mario and racing games and shit, but he worked a lot. He had a very stressful job. He he was in commissions, he sold cars and RV’s and stuff.

 

00:46:28:24 – 00:46:48:10

Colt Johnson

So it was kind of stressful because we didn’t have a lot of money. Sometimes he didn’t make any money, so it was kind of like, so that was a lot of points attention from my parents. So and when he did have free time, he didn’t really want to do anything, I guess. Look at it now. You call it introverted, you know, depression, you know, you have words for these type of things, you know.

 

00:46:48:25 – 00:46:54:21

Colt Johnson

But back then, I don’t talk about it. You just you have whatever crappy illness and.

 

00:46:55:13 – 00:47:01:17

Brad Singletary

But he was he would go to work and but he was kind of spent after that and have a lot of energy for. Yeah home life after between.

 

00:47:01:17 – 00:47:20:02

Colt Johnson

The stresses of the job community and coming home, you know, he’d eat, you know, watch television or whatever, maybe watch a movie, hang out. But, you know, and but we even when we traveled, like I went a lot of vacations for my mom, only he didn’t he didn’t like to fly at all. He would not fly. He refused to fly here.

 

00:47:20:14 – 00:47:33:22

Colt Johnson

All that experience growing up with some phobia. So that’s his brother, stepbrother, one of them. He was in a he was a pilot and he was in an airplane. Took my dad up was like ten years old or something. And it was kind of doing tricks and shit and, you know.

 

00:47:33:28 – 00:47:34:05

Brad Singletary

He was.

 

00:47:34:05 – 00:47:43:25

Colt Johnson

Scared of he would not get the airplane out of after that. So. Wow. So he’s afraid of heights. Basically. He couldn’t even be like in a hotel, like on the top floor. He’d freak out jet so.

 

00:47:44:23 – 00:47:48:15

Brad Singletary

So he wouldn’t go on trips. What about other things in barbecue?

 

00:47:48:16 – 00:48:08:18

Colt Johnson

Sometimes? Well, he so my parents were not social butterflies at all. Like, I didn’t they didn’t go on dates at all. They didn’t even growing up, I never saw them go on dates and and how many friends any host parties and it I thought that was normal once the fuck do I know. But yeah looking back that to me that’s not, that’s not really.

 

00:48:09:01 – 00:48:16:27

Brad Singletary

Why do you think they didn’t was that just introversion was it just being private people was or it’s.

 

00:48:16:27 – 00:48:38:12

Colt Johnson

Weird because I look at pictures of my parents before they had me and I see them you out socializing, drinking? Well, my dad did stop drinking when I was born. He was he was an alcoholic. So. Okay, I went. So I was a couple of years old and he went to a okay, got some help and actually went to Scientology.

 

00:48:38:26 – 00:48:39:15

Brad Singletary

Oh, wow.

 

00:48:39:28 – 00:49:00:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Back before it was cool. But yeah, he came home with a copy of Dianetics and I was like five years old and I helped him get off the sauce. So yeah, I don’t know how old buddy he went in there and San Francisco, Oakland or something at the time when you have any money. And they helped him out for some reason.

 

00:49:00:08 – 00:49:09:19

Colt Johnson

So so that that I don’t know if, if my father just needed a source to feel like to be like this social butterfly. Nothing for like the, you know.

 

00:49:09:21 – 00:49:11:11

Brad Singletary

The little liquid courage.

 

00:49:11:11 – 00:49:29:22

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And, and he kind of had a falling, like after I was born. He, you know, because of his drinking, he was he was a manager, you know, and a car dealership or whatever. But because of his drinking, I fired. We lost a bunch of stuff, lost our house, whatever we had. So we had to move into like this essentially like converted garage, right?

 

00:49:29:22 – 00:49:59:01

Colt Johnson

I was like four years old at the time, living in Hayward, the Oakland area down there. So as like my dad or my mother’s friend, that was like just like ghetto apartment. Not really, but ah. So this my father was unemployed. My mother’s working in like, you know, the diner as a waitress or whatever, right? Yeah So and I just felt like my, my father, my mother just had this from that point on, they always had these fights.

 

00:49:59:01 – 00:50:17:25

Colt Johnson

Like he wasn’t providing enough. My mother always. I mean, now I know she has a sense of security problem. Like she always needs to feel like she I mean, as humans do, obviously, we all need to feel a sense of security. But I do feel like she worries a lot and she projects a lot and she always worries about money.

 

00:50:17:25 – 00:50:37:04

Colt Johnson

And she’s not my parents are never great with money or, you know, investors or anything. They blow money as soon as they get it. So they fight a lot about money. And growing up, I always absorbed that I was on the corner. You know, like the tree. And they worry about money or they worry about whatever. And then I was just there absorbing that influence.

 

00:50:37:23 – 00:50:57:04

Colt Johnson

And because they weren’t sociable, of course, I wasn’t sociable. So and then I lived in an apartment most of my childhood, or we couldn’t go outside. We weren’t kids were frowned upon for going outside to play, you know, being have a yard or anything. Right. And most of my friends lived in other, other places. My mother was like, You’re not going to go ride a bike or anything.

 

00:50:57:04 – 00:50:58:28

Colt Johnson

You know, she’s not going to do anything just.

 

00:50:58:28 – 00:50:59:27

Brad Singletary

Too scared for you.

 

00:51:00:03 – 00:51:17:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So that’s another thing. I have this overprotective mother. So growing up, I was always, if I want to go anywhere, you know, mother would come with me, you know? So that’s something you always want as a kid, you know? I want to go help my friend or whatever. I don’t know. It was just it was just a antisocial thing that we kind of had.

 

00:51:17:07 – 00:51:36:10

Colt Johnson

We were just hanging out as a family and eventually, as time went on, my father stopped participating. Like we’d go to, like the zoo or the camping or whatever, or like my father and my mother and I. But then as I got a little bit older, you know, early teens or whatever, my father just stopped participating more and more.

 

00:51:36:10 – 00:51:45:27

Colt Johnson

I don’t know. I just I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s the stress of life or marriage or whatever. I think I think just life kind of a them.

 

00:51:46:07 – 00:52:09:14

Brad Singletary

I bet they both had some trauma that, you know, affected comfort level just being out in public even you know that’s one of the things that goes along with that is just hypervigilance and fear. And if they had difficult things, if he’s going through foster care or whatever he had, you know, whatever was happening for him. And then your mom, I think you mentioned that, you know, she had some she had a tough existence, too.

 

00:52:09:14 – 00:52:33:01

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah. My mother definitely had a tough life, both her and my father. So I think that just kind of reflects in both of them. And growing up, I think I was imprinted on me. I think I spent most of my life growing up feeling emotions of fear or anxiety or loss because of my parents, because that was the only that was the only thing on flavor.

 

00:52:33:01 – 00:52:50:03

Colt Johnson

Like my parents were never they never kissed each other in front of me. They never hugged each other. Wow. So, I mean, you know, I guess like when my mother or whatever, you know, but it always is fake that thing too. It wasn’t fake. It was just this like, surface level thing.

 

00:52:50:06 – 00:52:51:19

Brad Singletary

Like they were roommates or something.

 

00:52:51:19 – 00:53:09:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah, it was surface. Yeah, they were roommates. And even like, the way my parents would show love to me was kind of like that level too. Like, it was very much like, I love you. Cool. Whatever. Here’s a toy, you know? Of course I love you. Even like the hugs and stuff, it was just very much felt like it was very much superficial.

 

00:53:09:15 – 00:53:39:29

Colt Johnson

Superficial. Yeah, exactly. So, like, you have to imagine these to me feel like very not real emotions or emotions are very thin. And then you have these hyper and very much crying sense of fear about money, about your mom. About my mom. Yeah, my mom crying about being like of like month rent or my dad worrying about not being able to sell our or my dad’s problems with marriage or or whatever.

 

00:53:39:29 – 00:53:56:20

Colt Johnson

Right. So these are the real emotion I felt day in, day out. And I had no escape from it because then, then, you know, like I said, I was home school. So I just took this is just extension of my life. Even as a teenager, I didn’t go out any how many friends and then how a girl sane at 17 years old.

 

00:53:57:09 – 00:53:58:21

Colt Johnson

18 years old. I don’t know.

 

00:54:00:15 – 00:54:18:26

Brad Singletary

So, man, there was all this, like not talking. People just didn’t do it as much back in those days. Oh, but it sounds like your family was pretty private. We didn’t really deal with the emotional stuff. And now you’re going out. You’re talking about your your life, your relationships, your sex life. Every single part of your world. And even her, too, right?

 

00:54:18:26 – 00:54:19:23

Brad Singletary

She was on the show.

 

00:54:20:04 – 00:54:38:23

Colt Johnson

My mother. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So it’s funny because like when I went to college, it was me kind of reintroducing myself to society, right? Because I was going, I hadn’t really done anything. I dropped out of school and I was, you know, in elementary school and in between then and college. I was 23. I didn’t really do a whole lot besides stay at home.

 

00:54:40:08 – 00:54:59:03

Colt Johnson

So me going back to school was me learning how to be sociable. So learned to be sociable, to learn about like who or who am I to other people, you know, do I live with my mother as something even that I that’s something I wanted to talk about. I never told anyone. I lived with my mother and didn’t say anything about my mother.

 

00:54:59:03 – 00:55:02:22

Colt Johnson

I never induced my mother to any of my friends I had in my life.

 

00:55:02:22 – 00:55:15:12

Brad Singletary

I would say I’m curious about that, about why? Because maybe that maybe nowadays it would be seen differently. But I wonder what. Just shame. Embarrassing. Yeah, but I love that, you know, big boys don’t do. I mean what?

 

00:55:15:16 – 00:55:39:29

Colt Johnson

Everything. Everything you said. Shame, embarrassment. I should, you know, I. I didn’t want I mean, I knew it was a weakness, I mean, or perceived as a weakness, I suppose. And it was definitely I guess. I mean, now looking back, I can tell you it was just I wasn’t on shore footing with myself and I couldn’t articulate as to why I’ve always lived with my mother in my entire life.

 

00:55:40:03 – 00:56:02:08

Colt Johnson

And I just I knew it wasn’t something that I wanted, but I didn’t know why I didn’t want it if it was the only thing I ever knew. So but when I was starting to, you know, making new friends in my, you know, thirties or twenties, I and I just didn’t talk about my mother. I just didn’t I was just very private person, you know, very didn’t talk about anything in my life.

 

00:56:02:18 – 00:56:04:17

Colt Johnson

But then and then the show comes along.

 

00:56:06:14 – 00:56:08:24

Brad Singletary

And they see you live together. You got the cats.

 

00:56:09:02 – 00:56:20:01

Colt Johnson

And then everything is exposed. My mother, we have we have one car. My mother drives me to work right. That, that’s something I didn’t, I didn’t want to tell people. Mm. And we shared a vehicle because I didn’t have any money other than money.

 

00:56:20:01 – 00:56:26:24

Brad Singletary

So when you’re just making life work, but there’s all this, this fear of how people would interpret that or something.

 

00:56:26:24 – 00:56:45:05

Colt Johnson

And I mean, I know that’s not that’s not I mean, it’s a weakness to me. I feel weakness. Therefore, it would be perceived as a weakness to other people, me not having my independence, my own freedom, my own liberties, having the clutch aid assistance, burden of whatever, you know, did you.

 

00:56:45:05 – 00:56:47:15

Brad Singletary

Ever try to break out? Did you ever almost do it?

 

00:56:47:15 – 00:56:48:13

Colt Johnson

Did you almost did it?

 

00:56:48:21 – 00:56:50:04

Brad Singletary

And what tell me about that. I was.

 

00:56:50:04 – 00:57:12:11

Colt Johnson

Graduating college. I was 29 years old, aspiring for, I guess, an opportunity to move to California, Los Angeles area, to work at a company to call of duty with my best friend. Wow was an internship, though, so I wasn’t getting paid a lot of money, you know? So the idea was I would go live with him, you know, on his couch or whatever, and compete with him.

 

00:57:12:11 – 00:57:16:16

Colt Johnson

And, you know, after that period I’d be hired on potentially and whatever.

 

00:57:16:16 – 00:57:17:04

Brad Singletary

Right, right.

 

00:57:17:15 – 00:57:43:26

Colt Johnson

But my mother wasn’t working at the time, so, so like I had to get a job that paid well and she didn’t have a job or prospects and she didn’t make enough money to really support herself in a in the lifestyle that she wanted, you know, unless she was comfortable there, she didn’t want to, like, have a roommate or living in subsidized housing or, or or live with family members.

 

00:57:44:01 – 00:58:06:06

Colt Johnson

She liked having her own house even though she shared the house with me. It was still her house, you know, because she had she was on a lease. He had a key that, you know, whatever liberties. So I tried I talked about her do going away and she said, oh, go ahead, you know, it’s fine. But she never said not to go, but she never gave me a reason to go.

 

00:58:06:06 – 00:58:22:08

Colt Johnson

Like, it was just like lack of encouragement. Lack of it was just like it just it was just like this obligation that was there. But she always found a way to just to not let me go. And I just there left.

 

00:58:22:08 – 00:58:44:00

Brad Singletary

What I’m hearing there is that could have been like silence or even maybe just the feeling you’ve been you’re so attuned to her, maybe almost kind of sounds like almost kind of surrogate, you know, husband or something, in a way. Yeah. And like, you know, just meaning that she that was the attachment for her, you know, that you were her person really in life, you’re the one that she hugs.

 

00:58:44:00 – 00:58:46:25

Brad Singletary

She’s not hugging your dad or whatever or he’s gone by that time.

 

00:58:47:04 – 00:59:04:05

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So my father died. I was 23, 22 years old. So, you know, my twenties basically, you know, my, my mother and I, I mean, my mother worked and I went to college basically. That was that was the deal, you know, so which.

 

00:59:04:06 – 00:59:08:16

Brad Singletary

Totally makes sense, which totally seems reasonable and totally healthy and normal.

 

00:59:08:22 – 00:59:28:24

Colt Johnson

Actually, we were pretty much disconnected. We really didn’t interact too much. She’d take me to school. Even then, I didn’t learn how to drive till I was, you know, like 28 years old or so. So it’s all right. Yeah. A little late bloomer I got there. I tried. Well, I tried to learn my dad first, right? But then I got a lot of anxiety.

 

00:59:28:24 – 00:59:31:22

Colt Johnson

And then later on with my mother and me tell you I cannot drive with my mother.

 

00:59:32:18 – 00:59:34:23

Brad Singletary

She’s like, that’s why she’s driving you around.

 

00:59:34:27 – 00:59:56:03

Colt Johnson

Yeah, right. Yeah. You know, and that’s another thing, too, right? You know, is a sense of anxiety driving. And my mother kind of amplified that when I was with her. And instead of being sort of trying to fix that, it was just something that was left unsaid. So what happened? Well, my mother just drove me around for 20 years, you know what I mean?

 

00:59:56:03 – 01:00:13:15

Colt Johnson

It’s just, you know, I mean, just that’s fine. You know? I like that. Even though as a person, I should be like, no, that’s not fine. Eventually I did, and I learned. I learned I had a friend that taught me independently and I got my license and apparently and I surprised them with how I got my license, you know.

 

01:00:14:00 – 01:00:19:05

Colt Johnson

But so that’s what I mean by the lack of encouragement, lack of poor psych of.

 

01:00:19:06 – 01:00:28:00

Brad Singletary

She was not pushing you out unless she her words might have been, you know, kind and affirming in a way. But you knew really, she didn’t want you to go?

 

01:00:28:01 – 01:00:28:11

Colt Johnson

No.

 

01:00:28:11 – 01:00:29:29

Brad Singletary

You you felt she did not want you to go?

 

01:00:29:29 – 01:00:47:26

Colt Johnson

No, at all. And especially after my father passed, you know, she was comfortable and she had a part in it. She had someone there and now I think it’s just about security, you know, not being homeless. And I mean, no one wants that. But at the same time, I think she has this doubt in herself where she can provide for herself.

 

01:00:47:26 – 01:01:07:08

Colt Johnson

And that’s just something that she she grew up with or whatever. So she needed the help of a primarily of a man, but maybe initially it was her mom or something. But, you know, whether it was a boyfriend or husband or me. Yeah. She latched on to to that that that anchor would be fine as long as there’s a someone with me.

 

01:01:08:10 – 01:01:13:14

Brad Singletary

So. So you didn’t go work on Call of Duty? Hung around for a while. And then in.

 

01:01:13:14 – 01:01:13:25

Colt Johnson

Seattle.

 

01:01:14:07 – 01:01:21:25

Brad Singletary

And that’s where you were till you moved to Vegas. You meet Larissa, you’re on a show. 30 million people are looking at your kitchen, in your bedroom, and you’re.

 

01:01:21:25 – 01:01:25:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah, watching my mother make me breakfast. Take me to work every day.

 

01:01:25:10 – 01:01:44:10

Brad Singletary

Okay. And so what kind of messaging did you start to get from people? Because, you know, we’ve done a lot on the show about masculinity and really the the audience and the intended effort here is to is to help men kind of strengthen themselves and grow up and mature. And I wonder what kind of hate mail and you are.

 

01:01:44:24 – 01:01:48:22

Brad Singletary

People were saying to you like, oh, mama’s boy, what kind of things were.

 

01:01:49:06 – 01:01:52:29

Colt Johnson

Oh, boy, that’s like one of the better ones. What do you want to start alphabetically, maybe?

 

01:01:52:29 – 01:01:54:17

Brad Singletary

Yeah, go for it. Just ramble them.

 

01:01:54:18 – 01:02:05:00

Colt Johnson

I mean, there were some nice messages. I’m not going to lie, you know, flattering ones. But, you know, mostly my cats or mostly out of the certain demographic that love that loves me.

 

01:02:05:00 – 01:02:05:15

Brad Singletary

Okay.

 

01:02:05:26 – 01:02:11:02

Colt Johnson

They yell at you and they’re seen as well, maybe, but for bad reasons from.

 

01:02:11:03 – 01:02:11:27

Brad Singletary

Moms.

 

01:02:11:27 – 01:02:18:01

Colt Johnson

Moms or people that just love cats. You know, there’s a certain people, certain terrorist acts that really.

 

01:02:18:01 – 01:02:19:13

Brad Singletary

Draw them in. Cat moms.

 

01:02:19:13 – 01:02:41:23

Colt Johnson

Yeah, something like that. But and there’s but most people look at me and they see someone they don’t like or they see someone that is obnoxious to their own self. I mean, if you look at me, you know, I, I don’t look like a typical person that would date anybody like that or someone that would be considered beyond my league.

 

01:02:41:24 – 01:02:42:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:02:42:01 – 01:02:43:22

Brad Singletary

Your wife is way hotter than you.

 

01:02:44:11 – 01:02:53:19

Colt Johnson

In the last few. Well, even before that, I still kind of did, at least above my grade level. I like to think so to some degree, but definitely after the.

 

01:02:53:19 – 01:02:54:29

Brad Singletary

That’s Alpha right there. I see.

 

01:02:55:02 – 01:03:16:19

Colt Johnson

Definitely after the television thing. But I don’t know, it’s just that that wasn’t it. It was funny like I always knew. You look at me, I knew my weakness, physical weakness, you know, look at me. I have weight problems, loose skin. You know, I got you know, I got some breast tissue issues here. You know, it mostly. So even growing up my weight, I weigh problems.

 

01:03:16:19 – 01:03:40:27

Colt Johnson

I grew up, I was like 300 some pounds at one point and ballooned up and down. Ballooned up. I was like Christian Bale, but not really doing it for a role. Just just fucking my life out. But, you know, so I was emotional eater so that unfortunately had bad effect on me. And even still growing up, I never had positive habits, you know, like my dad, you know, he do some dumbbells or whatever.

 

01:03:40:27 – 01:03:58:11

Colt Johnson

But like, you know, I never exercise, never. So I just never picked up on it, you know, and not going to school. I never like went to gym or whatever. Anyway, I can took a gym I don’t want that is, you know, growing up, you know, run around or whatever bleachers or whatever. So I just never had the body or whatever.

 

01:03:58:11 – 01:04:10:25

Colt Johnson

And I knew that. I knew I could never attract women physically. So but emotionally, you know, I can connect with people. At the end of the day, people just want to feel a connection with. And if they can do that, it doesn’t matter what you look like.

 

01:04:10:29 – 01:04:24:03

Brad Singletary

I hear women all the time say, I mean, five times a day. Women say it’s not about physical attraction. He’s, you know, he’s an asshole or he’s he’s whatever he’s this or that they’re complaining about their man is usually not it’s usually not about their looks.

 

01:04:24:03 – 01:04:51:04

Colt Johnson

You know, you want to know. It is it’s simple women. I mean, physical attraction, I think is is a reflection or result from emotion. They want to feel certain things, either this connection or this this intense, you know, attentive nature that they never felt from somebody. Or they want to they want to be like like ignored or they want to spark some kind of emotion.

 

01:04:51:04 – 01:04:53:25

Colt Johnson

And that’s emotion that you chase. Right?

 

01:04:54:10 – 01:05:01:08

Brad Singletary

There you go, guys. You see those guys out there? Seduction one on one right there. Make her feel something and she’ll be attracted to you.

 

01:05:01:08 – 01:05:13:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah It makes her feel something. That’s a thing, right? You have to stand out. You have to feel. You have to make her feel something, whatever that is, and then keep her interest in that way. And then the the attraction will stem from that.

 

01:05:14:19 – 01:05:15:15

Brad Singletary

You’re good looking, dude.

 

01:05:15:15 – 01:05:34:26

Colt Johnson

I’m not trying to thank you. I think you’re good, too, but I know I’m not going to say I’m like an ogre or a troll. I should be living under the bridge or the Hoover Dam or something. But you know, and I definitely feel like I should definitely need to take better care of myself. I mean, I’ve actually lost a little bit of weight since I first started.

 

01:05:34:27 – 01:05:45:15

Brad Singletary

You look good, man. You look good. Yeah. So when I first met. Yeah. So you were talking about you use a lot of these a lot of your fan ads. Are these mom these mothering, nurturing types?

 

01:05:45:28 – 01:05:46:12

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:05:47:20 – 01:06:09:17

Brad Singletary

Also, too, you said something about you said that about Wal-Mart. People are recognizing more Wal Mart than like higher end stores or whatever. But when after this, the one little episode that you and that I was part of with you guys, like 20 people called me, reached out to me and they and I noticed they were the bride.

 

01:06:09:20 – 01:06:32:03

Brad Singletary

They’re all women, but they were the brightest women. I know one’s a surgeon. One, you know, like high attorneys, you know, like people that are just very brilliant. People are watching. And they say it’s, you know, this is their dirty pleasure, these shows or whatever. But I haven’t seen all of those seasons and all those episodes, but it’s a it’s a fascinating thing.

 

01:06:32:03 – 01:06:39:14

Brad Singletary

Anyway, we got off track here. What were we talking about? I wanted to go back to with your father’s passing, that was your early twenties or.

 

01:06:39:14 – 01:06:41:01

Colt Johnson

Something that 22.

 

01:06:41:01 – 01:06:45:08

Brad Singletary

How did he act? As you mentioned, he wasn’t that healthy or involved in stuff. What? How did he.

 

01:06:45:15 – 01:07:08:07

Colt Johnson

So my father never took good care of himself. He was overweight. Eight, eight sweets, chocolates. He didn’t exercise. He smoked a lot. You know, before that, I like I said, he was alcoholic. So he was just one train wreck after the next, basically. So one day I was I went on my day or whatever and he called me on the phone and he said he wasn’t feeling good.

 

01:07:08:18 – 01:07:25:09

Colt Johnson

You know, I should come home. And I said, okay, but I was with my girlfriend at the time. We’re running errands and I forgot about it. So at the time, my mother and my father were living in an apartment and my girlfriend and I were living next door. Basically, I was living not with my mother, but whatever.

 

01:07:25:09 – 01:07:26:10

Brad Singletary

Right literally next door.

 

01:07:26:10 – 01:07:45:16

Colt Johnson

Literally next door. So anyway, so, so I got the call and then I, I don’t, I just don’t think much of it or whatever and then go home on the day. And then I go home with my girlfriend and then we go in our apartment and we have dinner or whatever. Lunch I remember. I still don’t think I forgot about my dad or whatever.

 

01:07:45:28 – 01:08:00:15

Colt Johnson

And they actually go over to the apartment because my girlfriend needed like some pepper or some kind of something from the house or something, something. So I go over there and then on the floor with my dad. My dad, and he’s dead.

 

01:08:01:01 – 01:08:05:07

Brad Singletary

Oh, my gosh. You’re the one who found him. Yeah. Oh, wow.

 

01:08:05:07 – 01:08:15:29

Colt Johnson

And I just knew immediately because I, you know, he’s he’s not the right color. He’s by that time, he’s purple, you know, just a earth on living color, basically.

 

01:08:15:29 – 01:08:17:27

Brad Singletary

How much time are we talking here?

 

01:08:17:27 – 01:08:30:14

Colt Johnson

Like 4 hours, maybe. I was I want to say it was like 11:00 is when he called me and then and then talking about to like three or so. I mean, so that that was hard, right?

 

01:08:31:00 – 01:08:45:16

Brad Singletary

Oh, my gosh. Well, to lose your father is hard. To find him in that way is hard to be involved. And he was calling to say he wasn’t feeling it earlier. That’s hard. There’s layers of layers of like trauma in that.

 

01:08:45:27 – 01:09:07:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So I blame myself lot initially for that. Like what if I just came home, you know, I could have called the paramedics or. My dad was a stubborn old fire convict. I needed, like, doctors, you know, whatever he he he literally, you know, he had a choice to call neither one or call me. He told me, you know, you should call the ambulance.

 

01:09:07:15 – 01:09:20:19

Colt Johnson

That was his that was his choice. And unfortunately, I took that as my, my, my fault, my oh, dude, I fell on that sword for, for a few months or a few years, I guess. So it was hard to live with.

 

01:09:21:12 – 01:09:29:03

Brad Singletary

Did you ever do anything with that? Did you ever come off of that sword? I mean, did did you like it’s still there?

 

01:09:29:13 – 01:09:45:07

Colt Johnson

Well, I pulled I pulled that story out of me. You know, like I said, you know, my father had his choice. He could have called paramedic. He could have done anything himself. You know, like I said, hey, I think I’m having a heart attack. I’m home immediately or whatever, you know? And at the end of the day, I.

 

01:09:45:23 – 01:10:06:08

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I could have done something differently. But, you know, like I said, he didn’t take care of himself. You know, he could have gone to doctors more or less, you know. But at the time let me tell you, I think I was at such an emotional deficit between everything in my life that I would take on negative emotions just to feel things.

 

01:10:07:13 – 01:10:32:28

Colt Johnson

And that’s something that I’ve always done. So the passing of my father, giving it all I can feel this guilt of my father’s passing and I’m directly responsible. That’s like a whole bunch of feelings I can absorb and feel like shit, but it’s something, and that’s just something that I just naturally collected. And it’s just a horror. That’s just how I live my life, unfortunately.

 

01:10:32:28 – 01:10:37:29

Colt Johnson

And now that I’m older, I don’t do that. But I’m finding that there’s not a lot there anymore.

 

01:10:38:21 – 01:10:58:22

Brad Singletary

MAN Holy cow. I can’t even imagine that. I wonder if your if that that piece of the if those facts went into the ongoing relationship with your mom, you know, so now she’s a widow. She’s really alone. She’s a widow. She’s honorable in many ways, financially and everything else.

 

01:10:58:22 – 01:11:21:22

Colt Johnson

She grew up in a time when women were not independent. She always she wanted to be like a cop or something. She was frowned upon, you know? You know, you’re a housewife, don’t have aspirations, life, unfortunately. So she unfortunately, she just didn’t or could not feel like she could take on the burden of having to raise it and be taking care of herself or being by herself.

 

01:11:21:22 – 01:11:39:23

Colt Johnson

I don’t think she ever was by herself. I think she kind of went her and her mom were very close growing up. They worked together. They would share the apartment together. I think they were actually really close, probably. I think they best friends and I think my mother thought that I think my mother wanted to totter maybe.

 

01:11:40:05 – 01:11:47:29

Brad Singletary

Well and well in either way. That was that’s what love was. Spend all your time together, become best friends. Right that’s that was her modeling.

 

01:11:47:29 – 01:11:48:21

Colt Johnson

Of that was her.

 

01:11:48:22 – 01:11:51:13

Brad Singletary

Wanting and that was what she thought that was supposed.

 

01:11:51:13 – 01:12:11:13

Colt Johnson

To be. So She said, Well, that’s how Mom loved me. That’s how I love my my boy. But that’s not what her boy wanted. And or maybe it was best for him. Like, my first day, a kindergarten, right? Like I cried, right? Like, Oh, my God. For, say, most parents, I would say or deal with that son, you know, come back later.

 

01:12:11:25 – 01:12:40:23

Colt Johnson

My mother says, I’ll volunteer. She became like a house mother or PTA volunteer, right. Every day. Like she she had no she didn’t have a career. He didn’t have friends. She didn’t hobbies. You know, she didn’t nothing, you know, for her. Take me to school, volunteer the school, be around me. This is till you know, my my primary school or elementary school years up until I dropped out.

 

01:12:41:15 – 01:13:00:16

Brad Singletary

And you would look at that on the outside and say, well, that’s kind of cute, you know to me to come why she loves her boy like how involved she’s very engaged. She’s going to the school. She’s participating and that’s all good when we’re talking about kindergarten but it but it just that was how it really was all the way through.

 

01:13:00:16 – 01:13:17:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And that’s on the show too. And people, it’s funny because a lot of fans say now like, oh, I love the reaction we have with your mother. They think we’re super tight. Like we share everything together, you know, like we’re best friends. And the opposite is actually true. We’re not. We don’t get along and all we have nothing in common.

 

01:13:17:20 – 01:13:41:21

Colt Johnson

Everything’s very awkward. We don’t have any relationship whatsoever. Less. I’m more like, Can I get you something, Mother? Do you need anything? You know? And that’s the extent of my relationship with her. And so it’s like growing up, I think she was just always attentive to me. She felt like she had to be there to help me, and that was our relationship.

 

01:13:41:21 – 01:13:44:12

Colt Johnson

And as I got older, I kind of took on more of that role.

 

01:13:44:14 – 01:13:47:14

Brad Singletary

It switched where I became the caretaker.

 

01:13:47:14 – 01:13:47:27

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:13:47:27 – 01:13:53:04

Brad Singletary

Was there any, any like part of the timeline when that started to happen?

 

01:13:53:05 – 01:14:12:17

Colt Johnson

Oh, I definitely. Last four years coming to Vegas, she she didn’t have, you know, her current. She, she has her retirement from her or my dad or whatever, national security, which is not a lot. Right, right. So she had more she began to be like, you know, Somalia later, kid.

 

01:14:13:11 – 01:14:30:01

Brad Singletary

So you’re being together all the time was just a matter of kind of convenience, just made sense. It’s almost like husbands and wives who stay living together for a year after their divorce because it’s just cheaper. They need to do it that way. Essentially, you just had to do it for the practical sense it.

 

01:14:30:06 – 01:14:56:08

Colt Johnson

Well, yeah, so there’s that, there’s the economical sense of that actually if you want to go even more crazy I would say we have with that but my that my one relationship I had actually most of my relationships this is girlfriend I had this before Larissa and she was living with my mother and I this is after my father and I wasn’t in love with her as this is after like a year or so living together and whatever.

 

01:14:56:08 – 01:15:19:06

Colt Johnson

And she wanted to get married and, you know, start a family or whatever. I just wasn’t feeling it. That was in school. But her, the girl, she was working, so she was paying, subsidizing some of the bills and everything. And finally, we just had this huge fight and, you know, and my mother freaked out even though, like, I’m white, my mother freaking out that my girlfriend and I are fighting right.

 

01:15:19:06 – 01:15:31:13

Colt Johnson

Because she’s afraid that the money from my girlfriend will go away because she’ll move out because we broke up and it will be enough money to live there and when. And she’ll be homeless.

 

01:15:33:00 – 01:15:51:23

Brad Singletary

Wow. So that you’re you’re speaking to something that. I mean, that sounds ridiculous. That sounds awful. But really, it’s coming down to this sense of security that she she was very sensitive to feeling secure and like everything’s going to be okay in of our, like, the needs, you know, food, shelter.

 

01:15:51:26 – 01:15:52:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:15:52:07 – 01:15:54:13

Brad Singletary

So everybody get along. That was important, right?

 

01:15:54:20 – 01:16:13:13

Colt Johnson

And so like I told, I talked to my mother before I, said, I don’t love this person, I don’t want to live with her. And she told me basically, well, we need her money. You know, think about that. Think about your security. Think about stay in school, you know, whatever. Don’t think about how I feel. So she here?

 

01:16:13:15 – 01:16:36:11

Colt Johnson

Basically, my mother. My mother is telling my face, you’re what you feel. Doesn’t matter. Her sense of security or fears of being homeless is more important than my lack of love or interest in this woman. So I have to pretend that I feel something or love and live this half lie giddy at me every day so that my mother doesn’t freak out and be crazy at me.

 

01:16:36:11 – 01:16:41:19

Colt Johnson

So I have this weird sense of, I don’t know, obligation, pain.

 

01:16:41:19 – 01:16:57:22

Brad Singletary

Yeah. I mean, that sounds like a pivotal experience when you hear her say that. That’s both an indicator of what she had needed and felt all along. And then also in the future, that was maybe the expectation. Then you went, What, ten more years doing that or something?

 

01:16:57:22 – 01:17:19:04

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I did that for a couple of more years of that, but it was always kind of like that, right? It was always like do it because there’s no what? Like you wouldn’t want your mother homeless. Like, my mother could live by herself any time. Like right now. She could, she could, but but it just it’s just not it’s just not there like her.

 

01:17:19:04 – 01:17:44:07

Colt Johnson

Like she’s always paid tailed off my life. Whether she gets to drive me to school all day, she volunteers she she goes to work so that I could go to school at college. Right. But then after that ended, her role became, well, I’m retired now and that’s fine, but Even still, like, her life kind of just stopped. She didn’t have any hobbies, no friends, nothing to take over from her responsibility of being my mother or.

 

01:17:44:14 – 01:17:47:04

Colt Johnson

Or the higher functioning person in my life.

 

01:17:48:13 – 01:17:59:17

Brad Singletary

So even though you’re saying you didn’t have the greatest friendship or whatever, do you think she’d lean on you? She just needed you to fill some time, and you needed you to be a companion in a way.

 

01:17:59:17 – 01:18:18:11

Colt Johnson

Like, Oh, yeah, I was. Whatever my mother needed, it’s like, it’s funny. A lot of my my friends or my interests and even that would be on the show. Like my mother is on the show now. She’s a she has her own show. She’s season two on the single life. I was on season one, you know, but now she’s she started out as like this secondary guest character.

 

01:18:18:11 – 01:18:39:14

Colt Johnson

They didn’t even know they wanted to have her on the show. And she became very popular. It is testament to her character, but she became her own character. But it’s like she’s always just kind of just grabbed on to whatever I was doing, like my relationship with my ex-wife. Like they friends, like they always kind of just insert herself in whatever I’m doing or for.

 

01:18:39:16 – 01:18:58:25

Colt Johnson

If I have friends, then she talks to them and then she kind of puts me down in front of them to feel good about herself because she needs to feel like she’s a higher functioning person. And I’m just the boy. I’m just I can’t. I always make a mess I can’t. I don’t know much. Basically is is the relationship that my mother and I have.

 

01:18:59:02 – 01:19:06:00

Colt Johnson

That’s how that’s how our interaction is in public or public facing in, you know, in reality, basically.

 

01:19:07:04 – 01:19:09:25

Brad Singletary

MAN So where does it stand now between you two?

 

01:19:11:04 – 01:19:43:21

Colt Johnson

This not much. I’m not going to like we go back and forth. Well, it’s it’s kind of it’s back and forth. I definitely feel like we don’t have a particular good place. We exchange texts, you know, we have dinner here and there. But we don’t really we don’t have a relationship. There’s nothing meaningful there. I, I can tell her, you know, I’m depressed, my work or I’m having a hard time in my life or whatever.

 

01:19:43:21 – 01:20:07:11

Colt Johnson

But she won’t have anything to share with me to like. It’s not that she just can’t relate or can’t like she says she’s sorry or you know, or she feels bad or you know, I’m sure I’ll figure it out. It’s just there’s just nothing there. And I don’t know why. I don’t know even how to articulate it in a way.

 

01:20:07:11 – 01:20:11:21

Colt Johnson

It just feels like there’s it’s like you’re talking to someone that’s just existing.

 

01:20:12:20 – 01:20:33:00

Brad Singletary

I often talk with people about you know, whether or not a person if someone’s not doing something we need, are they doing that because they can’t or because they won’t? You know they can or they won’t. They either can and refuse to. They’re withholding this thing and they’re keeping it from you. And I think almost no one does that.

 

01:20:33:27 – 01:20:54:29

Brad Singletary

And I think the reason people don’t act right and do what we think they should is because many times they can’t. Sure, you don’t know how. They never said those things. They haven’t really, you know, and I can just maybe picture with her. She’s not she’s she may not have just developed the ability to engage in that way.

 

01:20:54:29 – 01:21:07:00

Brad Singletary

You seem super willing to talk. You’re super willing to be open and share your feelings, really dig into things or whatever. I don’t know if all these bad women have taught you that or what, but.

 

01:21:08:26 – 01:21:25:14

Colt Johnson

I think I spend a lot of times hiding myself from the public. You know, like I said, I was kind of home schooled, wasn’t going out. So it’s kind of just I didn’t you know, even when I went to college, I didn’t talk about myself. I was very private. But then the show, I just let everything out and just everything the floodgates, everything.

 

01:21:25:14 – 01:21:26:06

Colt Johnson

Go, go, go.

 

01:21:26:16 – 01:21:48:16

Brad Singletary

See, man, I think there are some. I wonder if there’s some healing nature to that. I’ve actually had ideas about, you know, doing some of the work that I do with guys and record it and I don’t know, put it on YouTube or whatever. But anyway, I think people would be interested in the in the selfie generation that we’re in where people like to see themselves.

 

01:21:48:16 – 01:22:08:08

Brad Singletary

They, you know, they like to show their life. I think it allows people to be open. So you were this private person. You didn’t really go anywhere or do anything. You’re you and your mom and your dad were all very private. There was. And now all of a sudden, there’s 30 million people listening to your conversations.

 

01:22:08:18 – 01:22:10:25

Colt Johnson

Trade, exchanging my dick pics around.

 

01:22:10:25 – 01:22:31:23

Brad Singletary

Seriously. So, man, I just have a billion questions. But one here is was it helpful to open up and let all of that stuff be seen? Like you’re saying, you were ashamed that your mom would drive you to school to work, but now they’re showing this on the TV.

 

01:22:32:01 – 01:22:32:11

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:22:32:11 – 01:22:39:08

Brad Singletary

So was there something about releasing all that shame? I mean, you had to be shameless kind of to do that.

 

01:22:39:14 – 01:23:02:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I’m very shameless, let me tell you. But I know 100% like you have no idea what it’s like is like a burden. You know, you have this literally this cross, you bear, you hold on to it, and it’s something you carry for, in my case, my entire life, you know, and it’s a shame, sense of shame, sense of my life is wrong.

 

01:23:02:02 – 01:23:26:25

Colt Johnson

I’m I’m I’m less than someone that should be known. And I don’t want anyone to know me. And then unfortunately or fortunately, thankfully now because of the show, I it just all came out. I did it, I guess I initially didn’t really think all the way through terms of that, like letting everything out, you know, but one thing led to another.

 

01:23:26:25 – 01:23:44:01

Colt Johnson

And then once you have one thing out, you might as well just keep going. But I did. It’s you know, it’s like you let it all go and once it’s out, it’s out there, like, yeah, there’s this. I remember my first picture, my, my video of my, my member went out there, right? Everyone were making fun of her or whatever.

 

01:23:44:01 – 01:23:48:16

Colt Johnson

But they can only make fun of your dick so many times. And after.

 

01:23:48:19 – 01:23:50:14

Brad Singletary

Only so many words you can use with only.

 

01:23:50:14 – 01:24:16:01

Colt Johnson

So many words in the English, alphabet or any alphabet that can articulate what’s wrong with my dick. And let me tell you, I’ve read them all. So it’s a you know, one, you’re not going to shock me with anything until I’m flattered that people have this interest, even unfortunately, it’s just, you know, not glory compliment. But most people will not give you a compliment and they’ll give you an insult.

 

01:24:16:01 – 01:24:19:16

Colt Johnson

And, you know.

 

01:24:19:16 – 01:24:25:07

Brad Singletary

So there you have it, guys. You want to heal your shame, just put some dick pics out and you’ll get over it quick.

 

01:24:25:13 – 01:24:46:10

Colt Johnson

No, but like, it’s true, you know, if you lay all out people. I think this is also what really helps a lot of people’s health problems in life. Like, you know, your shame or things, you know, you don’t feel, you don’t, you know, other self esteem issues or you with your life, you just hide things. You hold on to things and and it’s just something you carry.

 

01:24:46:14 – 01:25:12:25

Colt Johnson

It’s like having the extra pounds, you know, I got extra pounds on me. It’s harder to breathe, you know, you shed those pounds, suddenly you have all this more stamina, you know, you feel more energetic. You want to go outside sunlight, everything feels better. And that’s how it is 100%. I will say this doing the show has helped me in many ways, not not in terms of being more famous or having more money or anything, or it’s just therapy.

 

01:25:13:06 – 01:25:19:09

Colt Johnson

It’s been therapy for me. It’s allowed me to examine myself, literally pausing, repeat, you know.

 

01:25:19:19 – 01:25:33:24

Brad Singletary

Like, what did you say? Like, I didn’t realize you were saying that your conversations are everything. You get to go back and watch. That’s what I mean about. Yeah, I think it must have been there must have been some real inner value way beyond notoriety and money and all that.

 

01:25:33:24 – 01:25:56:16

Colt Johnson

It’s even more than that, really. Like, you know, was going through my rebound, my girlfriend, the time I was having an affair with my friend. So I was in the sticky honey pot, you know, three way of lust and lies and deceit, you know, great television. But, you know, when I was filming it, you know, the producers, they were like, why are you doing this?

 

01:25:57:00 – 01:26:11:29

Colt Johnson

Why did you lie? Why are you why did you tell your girlfriend you love her? Why did you lie to her? It’s just and over and over again, you know, like it’s just something like you do a pickup scene. I do over and over again do another scene. Like, it’s like always question why this, why this, why this, why?

 

01:26:11:29 – 01:26:27:29

Colt Johnson

This is just something that over the course of several weeks or months, I mean, now at this point, years, it’s just. Yeah, why why did I do this? Why did I marry her? Why did I lie to her? Why am I this? Why? Why do I let my mother drive around? Why do I do any of this stuff?

 

01:26:28:17 – 01:26:39:16

Colt Johnson

Like I said, I live my whole life one way, very isolated as the only way you know how to live. You know, you never see corners in your life, you know, every depth perception. Mm. You don’t know any difference.

 

01:26:40:11 – 01:26:42:02

Brad Singletary

So isolation still.

 

01:26:42:09 – 01:26:57:08

Colt Johnson

Now. Not now, not while now I’m kind of a hermit, you know, lately, but definitely I all my secrets are out there in the public. I don’t hide anything anymore. I don’t. I mean, I’m. I’m boring. Now, let me tell you, even though I’m on television and all this.

 

01:26:57:20 – 01:27:14:19

Brad Singletary

But what about the you know, what about the occasional you know, you you’re you’re upset with someone. You’ve got to, you know, talk it over with a buddy. You go have a beer with somebody. I mean, do you have you have that’s just a big part of our message is that men need men. We need, you know, best friends.

 

01:27:14:19 – 01:27:21:27

Brad Singletary

We need little tribes. Oh, yeah. Someone told me reason I can’t I shouldn’t say tribe anymore since not native but anyway.

 

01:27:22:11 – 01:27:23:13

Colt Johnson

Definitely the pod.

 

01:27:23:28 – 01:27:30:21

Brad Singletary

Yes, a group of guys, you know, some some a gang, you know, some guys that kind of like have your back.

 

01:27:31:03 – 01:27:53:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah. You know, fortunately, I’ve had since moving to Vegas, I’ve had several opportunities to bond, to make friends. I have this lunch group that I meet. They’re all they’re all Vegas locals, a bunch of, you know, locals. They’re a bunch of typical Vegas local men, you know, actually older than I am. So it’s kind of I always got along.

 

01:27:53:09 – 01:28:12:20

Colt Johnson

People older than I am, I don’t know why. So we meet, well, once a week, have lunch, you know, they all bullshit about their entertainment lives, you know? And I’m like, I just sit there and just listen and just enjoy it because it’s just, you know, I just because they are very much typical, like manly men type of stuff, you know, performers or whatever.

 

01:28:12:20 – 01:28:32:25

Colt Johnson

So it’s kind of it’s just nice having that type of perspective, the type of exposure, you know, I’m not used to that. In addition to that, I do go to therapy, you know, and then outside of that, I do have this group of men that I meet every other week at night. It’s kind of like this therapy, kind of like check in session, like.

 

01:28:32:25 – 01:28:34:03

Brad Singletary

A meeting about your life.

 

01:28:34:03 – 01:28:53:16

Colt Johnson

Like, yeah, like a meeting, you know? How are we doing? What are we doing right now? What’s the problem? What can we do? You know, and just just having this thing where you can go and like a forum, you know, really, honestly and people listen. I think a lot of people get crazy in life and frustrated and they give up when you don’t have anybody that listens to them.

 

01:28:54:02 – 01:29:16:09

Colt Johnson

So having the opportunity that that chance in life to have a group of friends, you know, and in my case listen to problems that I just never have I never got exposure to. You know, growing up, I was always, you know, my mother was always one those around or you know, I was never really had in my life strong men in my life or any type of influence in my life at all.

 

01:29:16:09 – 01:29:24:12

Colt Johnson

That’s like that’s why I’m a basket case, really. So now having that is having that balance is definitely benefited me a lot.

 

01:29:25:09 – 01:29:44:15

Brad Singletary

So I want to hit this really hard for a few minutes here and we’ll wrap up before too long. But I just want to really hit just the exact things you’re talking about masculine development, the, you know, the development of your male identity, the things that the strong things that you did maybe pick up from your dad, what kinds of things you wish you had done more of.

 

01:29:44:29 – 01:29:52:21

Brad Singletary

And then even now, what kind of direction do you think your development as a man needs to go?

 

01:29:53:03 – 01:30:19:19

Colt Johnson

I think the first thing in my path, or course, towards manhood is learning to love myself, love I was chased either with my mother or a woman, was always the love I should have been giving to myself. So just being more appreciative, more knowledge in my own accomplishments in life is something that I’ve been trying to do to feel better about myself and also just having more ethics, sense of, you know, like I’m married now, I’m taking that very seriously.

 

01:30:19:19 – 01:30:41:05

Colt Johnson

I’m not fucking around, you know, I’m off social media. I’m not talking to girls. I’m always I’m taking them very seriously. Has a lot of weight to me. So sense is has weight to me is very important to me. I’m trying to build that. So having things like that sort of shy away from, you know, earthly temptation, surface level, you know, instant gratification thing, those things are very bad for you.

 

01:30:41:23 – 01:30:55:26

Colt Johnson

And honestly, at the end of day, it’s just filling my my emotions. But, you know, like I said, I used to gather up negative emotion just to just to have things inside now. Well, what can I do to generate real, real motions for myself?

 

01:30:56:05 – 01:30:56:21

Brad Singletary

Okay.

 

01:30:56:22 – 01:31:18:27

Colt Johnson

Right. Like my accomplishments, you know, if they’re minor, building up myself, you know, starting with just making your bed in the day or doing something at work or just as much as I can. And it’s reinforcing that you know, and I see it as funny in my boundaries with myself. Like I’ve just always been tagged, thrown around in whatever direction to get that love, to chase that, that next fix.

 

01:31:18:27 – 01:31:20:16

Brad Singletary

Do anything, some attention.

 

01:31:20:27 – 01:31:37:16

Colt Johnson

Do anything. Here’s my here’s my day care. I’ll tell you I love you. I’ll, I’ll I’ll be your errand boy or whatever. Done it over you. Just give me love and, you know, understanding my boundaries. And I do believe confidence is really a reflection of understanding your boundaries or lack thereof.

 

01:31:37:22 – 01:31:39:09

Brad Singletary

So the interesting.

 

01:31:39:19 – 01:31:59:20

Colt Johnson

I just I think that’s part of being more masculine or more confidence in yourself, more alpha is just being more confident in yourself, knowing yourself. And that’s all connected to the love and everything that you should be doing for yourself. Because if you’re relying on other people for that, then you’re not the master of your own destiny.

 

01:31:59:20 – 01:32:24:14

Brad Singletary

Man, that’s awesome. Just learning to love yourself. One of the programs that I really like, it’s a I won’t get into their whole program, but there there’s their solution to this set of problems that they say people have is to become your own loving parent, be your own, become your own dad, you know, become your own loving parent, become say the things to yourself that you needed said to you.

 

01:32:25:22 – 01:32:48:15

Brad Singletary

Say the things that you wish a loving parent would be like for you right now. And it sounds like this love and wait, what was that you said? Confidence is a reflection of your boundaries. That is so profound. I’m going to have to I’m going to have to study that a little bit and instill that. But that is, dude, confidence is a reflection of your boundaries.

 

01:32:48:15 – 01:32:57:23

Brad Singletary

What does what does that mean? It’s so killer. I love it. I think it’s right. I just it’s big at something. But I read book about that.

 

01:32:57:23 – 01:32:59:02

Colt Johnson

So yeah, you can take.

 

01:32:59:02 – 01:32:59:27

Brad Singletary

That one trade. Mark.

 

01:33:00:23 – 01:33:27:17

Colt Johnson

Just put me in your intro somewhere. Name me, misspell my name. But yeah, you know, I mean, I chased a lot of I just never grew up, you know, when I stopped going to school I stopped being I stopped my path towards being an adult or independent of human. I guess I just kind froze and that’s what it was.

 

01:33:27:17 – 01:33:50:29

Colt Johnson

My mother drove me to school then and she drove me to work in my, you know, my thirties as that was it. And it wasn’t until getting my, my own confident, wanting more, wanting to get out of that situation, you know, go and get my G.E.D. going to college then, you know, all that that really I guess just got me out of that.

 

01:33:51:04 – 01:33:51:24

Colt Johnson

Woke me up.

 

01:33:52:15 – 01:33:58:05

Brad Singletary

You’re kind of a miracle of a guy. I’m. I’m telling you, you dropped out of school in fifth grade.

 

01:33:58:09 – 01:33:59:12

Colt Johnson

I’m also a preemie.

 

01:34:00:04 – 01:34:01:15

Brad Singletary

Oh, God, it’s Phoebe.

 

01:34:01:15 – 01:34:03:23

Colt Johnson

I was a incubator for, like, a whole month.

 

01:34:03:23 – 01:34:21:06

Brad Singletary

Oh, okay. So already we’ve got low birth weight. We had premature birth is in the nick you for a long time. We’re in an incubator. You’ve really you really done some cool things, man. You you have a wonderful wife right now.

 

01:34:21:09 – 01:34:21:29

Colt Johnson

She’s great.

 

01:34:22:06 – 01:34:27:19

Brad Singletary

You’re taking strides in your career. You’ve been on TV for five freaking years.

 

01:34:27:20 – 01:34:28:25

Colt Johnson

It’s crazy. Just doesn’t.

 

01:34:28:25 – 01:34:47:22

Brad Singletary

Stop. And, you know, and that and that has helped you live in some way. I mean, that’s that’s been beneficial, not just for something cool to do, but you’re saying it’s helped you with your emotional healing, putting that stuff there, it’s made you reflect on who you are. So what’s the relationship like with your mom these days?

 

01:34:48:18 – 01:35:18:16

Colt Johnson

There really isn’t much of a relationship. You know when we when we were together, we either don’t have much come out of it or we just argue. It just seems like I think we’re just tired of of being together like this. We’re tired of the old routine. We need to change it and we don’t know how to get out of it because it’s just it’s like a balloon that’s about ready to pop, you know, all this life of tension, you know, I’m sure she wants more.

 

01:35:18:16 – 01:35:30:17

Colt Johnson

She doesn’t want to always be my noticed to as my mother. And I always want her having to take care of me, you know? So something’s going to happen. It’s going to pop, but we’ll see what happens.

 

01:35:30:17 – 01:35:58:21

Brad Singletary

Well, I hope that you two can, you know, just talk and have some conversations. And maybe what you end up with is just recognizing how she to become the person that she has become. You know, your story, I think I don’t know if this stuff is out there anywhere else publicly, but some of the things that you’ve shared here probably are unknown by a lot of those haters out there who just picked on your bad choices and bad behavior and whatever.

 

01:35:58:21 – 01:36:39:23

Brad Singletary

Some of this stuff this is, you can see how it could become this way. You could see how well, first of all, we’re all just human and flawed anyway. And then with some of the things that you talked about in your development, just growing up in your family, some trauma, some grief and loss, the just the crazy, you know, guilt that you talked about, feeling about that with your dad and then just kind of out of necessity for both living with your mom for until you your living with your mom and till the present day, pretty much.

 

01:36:39:23 – 01:37:07:21

Colt Johnson

Yeah. I mean, just it’s life, you know, it’s just it’s just kind of snowballs into it. You know, when I think when people live in this raw, emotional state, you know, emotion, emotion, fear to fear instant gratification, vacation, they don’t understand. They don’t know how to get out of that. They don’t understand. They have a life outside of whatever that to take care of the next itch.

 

01:37:08:08 – 01:37:26:10

Colt Johnson

So there wasn’t any evolution in my life for many years, either as an individual or my relationship with any other person. And that’s just how my mother is, too, right? I don’t know what happened, but she kind of stopped and I stopped and we just kind of froze for many years.

 

01:37:27:06 – 01:37:32:25

Brad Singletary

You started back up again? I started I have the sense that you’re you know, you’ve got some momentum like things are.

 

01:37:33:14 – 01:37:33:24

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:37:34:02 – 01:37:38:13

Brad Singletary

Happening for you and a good direction where are you where are you headed in life right now.

 

01:37:38:13 – 01:38:08:10

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So, you know, I kind of lost track as a lot of things, you know. But lately I’ve been trying to take more charge of my my life, you know, trying to feel better about myself, trying to right now I’m looking for work. So that should be exciting. Going back the field myself or developer by day. So, you know, it’s just, you know, I just want to be there more and just to take control of my life and start making plans for the future.

 

01:38:08:10 – 01:38:09:23

Colt Johnson

That’s something I really want to be doing and.

 

01:38:10:04 – 01:38:11:05

Brad Singletary

Set some goals.

 

01:38:11:05 – 01:38:25:13

Colt Johnson

And some goals and really build like that. My relation with my wife right now is very important. So building on that and seeing where that goes, like just having lasting, lasting roots is something very important to me. Most important thing to me right now.

 

01:38:26:22 – 01:38:32:26

Brad Singletary

What are her major complaints of you? I know she’s good. She’s got the worries about the women, the womanizing or whatever, but.

 

01:38:33:02 – 01:38:53:09

Colt Johnson

She don’t trust me. She’ll never trust me. She thinks I’m talking to ten girls. She closes the door, go to the bathroom and ten girls come in and give me blowjobs and leave right away. You know, so that does affect us a lot. And I think that’s going to if we can’t get over that, it’s going to lead to us probably not being together because it’s just that’s a foundation to a relationship.

 

01:38:53:09 – 01:39:14:19

Colt Johnson

It’s respect. Trust leads to respect, respect leads to love and various other things. So she you know, and it’s just we’re both kind of lost in our own ways and I hope we can make it through. You know, I’m really trying I’m going to therapy and we’re trying harder, you know, and I mean, I’m in I’m in it to win it.

 

01:39:15:19 – 01:39:35:09

Brad Singletary

That’s good to hear, man. You know, a lot of the guys that have been on our show are nowhere near as popular as you. Some many of they’ve done some cool things. But no, no one is as widely known as you are. But millions and millions of people throughout the world know who this guy is. I feel very lucky to be sitting here with you, but I.

 

01:39:35:22 – 01:39:49:02

Brad Singletary

I loved the idea of having you on here because you’re in the middle of figuring it out. And that’s the stuff I really feel like my dad would say it takes 40 years to build a man and 40 years to build a marriage.

 

01:39:49:11 – 01:39:49:22

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:39:50:16 – 01:40:08:26

Brad Singletary

And so the point is, hang on, be be cool with yourself like you’re not even if what if we said you’re not even a full adult yet, like he’s just beginning like this is the beginning. Like you’re really, you’re not that far behind. I swear. I tell people I grew up. I became an adult when I was 38.

 

01:40:09:25 – 01:40:10:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:40:10:13 – 01:40:28:08

Brad Singletary

It’s like was 20 years behind, but it was like, oh, I, I’m thinking the way I think adults, other adults, you know, like that I graduated high school with, they went on and did really cool successful things and have been stable and balanced. I was in all and until I was 38. Yeah and.

 

01:40:28:23 – 01:40:29:09

Colt Johnson

Hey man.

 

01:40:29:13 – 01:40:31:23

Brad Singletary

So yeah you’re right around there what, 30.

 

01:40:31:23 – 01:40:32:04

Colt Johnson

Seven.

 

01:40:32:04 – 01:40:33:24

Brad Singletary

Thirties. Okay. See, so you’re.

 

01:40:33:24 – 01:40:54:25

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I don’t know. Is it just like as you get older, you just want to find things that matter. You see those less, less days ahead? Well, you know, so, like, you understand taking a drink or getting a kiss or whatever, they don’t have the same type of effects as having a child or having a legacy or right.

 

01:40:54:29 – 01:41:03:13

Colt Johnson

Or having a marriage. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like you mean as get older, you need more things to get you out of bed or get you excited. Yeah.

 

01:41:03:13 – 01:41:23:27

Brad Singletary

What you value changes. I mean, I think it all it all matter. So I love I love the way you’re maturing I love the things that you’re talking about. I don’t I haven’t I’ve watched very little of those shows, by the way, but I I’m guessing that it’s never gotten really deep like this. And and I just love that you shared what the person that you really are.

 

01:41:24:04 – 01:41:24:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:41:25:02 – 01:41:34:28

Brad Singletary

That’s who I’ve felt here today is just that there there’s this real you this real cold. Johnson is a guy who is living life, trying to figure things out.

 

01:41:35:18 – 01:41:54:17

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I as much as people think they know me from television, I’m still very much private. You know, I still a lot of stuff I talked about with you today. I no one knows. I mean, I never talk about it publicly. Really. So you know, it’s not that I’m, you know, I don’t want to talk about myself. It’s just I don’t want to bother people.

 

01:41:54:18 – 01:42:11:21

Colt Johnson

I think whatever, just my life, my burden to you or anybody else. So but, you know, I just talking, you know, right now it’s really liberating and you’re really a good listener. And, you know, I and I really appreciate what you do and the work you do and and, you know, and our relationship, you know, I’ve learned a lot from you.

 

01:42:11:26 – 01:42:20:09

Colt Johnson

And I always say I wouldn’t be where I am right now without your influence, you know? So I want to thank you for that.

 

01:42:21:09 – 01:42:32:17

Brad Singletary

You bet, brother. What is the I want to wrap up here with a couple of generic questions. Ask everybody, what is the most manly alpha thing about you?

 

01:42:32:26 – 01:42:49:29

Colt Johnson

The most manly alpha is they about me? I don’t know. Cause That’s a tough question. Uh, I said I don’t. I’m. I mean, what’s what’s some. Is that like shooting guns or whatever or.

 

01:42:50:05 – 01:43:06:17

Brad Singletary

No No, just the most grown up thing, the most the the mature is the, you know, the most valuable part of you that is like wisdom or what’s what’s your superpower, what’s your special thing that you’ve developed in that?

 

01:43:06:23 – 01:43:30:13

Colt Johnson

I, I think, I think I don’t know. It’s thinking, I like to think a lot. I think I observing, I think I’m very good observer of people, you know, and I think that’s helped a lot, especially on television and just, you know, in life in general. Yeah. And just having connection with people. I think a lot of people will tell you how they want to be treated and you just have to pay.

 

01:43:30:13 – 01:43:38:25

Brad Singletary

Mm hmm. That’s good. I believe that about you. I believe that you’re a good watcher of people. You can’t seduce all these pretty women without.

 

01:43:40:13 – 01:43:40:21

Colt Johnson

Being.

 

01:43:40:21 – 01:43:54:23

Brad Singletary

Able to listen a little bit and complain that you never listen to a good listen. So. All right. And then tell me one thing that you really want to push for, say, in the next. You know, days. What do you want to make really happen?

 

01:43:55:16 – 01:44:15:05

Colt Johnson

I, uh, I want to hit the gym more. I’ve been kind of slacking on that kind of. My wife’s been dieting, having a healthier diet, and I just kind of want to join in more on that next 90 days. I want to push myself a little harder and and try to shed some more pounds and get a little more stamina back.

 

01:44:15:14 – 01:44:16:18

Brad Singletary

Good for you, too.

 

01:44:16:19 – 01:44:17:06

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:44:17:11 – 01:44:28:14

Brad Singletary

So, man, it’s been so good to have you here today. I feel like we just opened up all these cans of worms. I don’t know if we closed all the topics or not, but I just have a I have a ton of respect for you.

 

01:44:28:27 – 01:44:29:24

Colt Johnson

Thank you for. I do.

 

01:44:29:24 – 01:44:45:27

Brad Singletary

Man. I you know, I, I, I don’t know if it’s my job that makes me just, I don’t have the judgment that a lot of people have. And so if they said, Oh, I cheated on this one, but this one and this is this shady thing that I just know that that’s a person trying to figure it out.

 

01:44:46:27 – 01:44:47:10

Brad Singletary

You know.

 

01:44:47:25 – 01:44:58:27

Colt Johnson

I’m definitely a work in progress, you know, and I people like you definitely helped me along. And I, I think I’m on a good path right now and I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next.

 

01:44:59:06 – 01:45:05:19

Brad Singletary

Same here, brother. Dude, thank you so much. I just. I don’t see you much on social media anymore. Are you on there, too?

 

01:45:05:22 – 01:45:06:11

Colt Johnson

You know.

 

01:45:06:11 – 01:45:06:24

Brad Singletary

You’re.

 

01:45:07:05 – 01:45:11:03

Colt Johnson

I’m trying to stay clean. You know, social media is depressing. It’s it’s hard.

 

01:45:11:23 – 01:45:13:16

Brad Singletary

You go out. Have you totally kind.

 

01:45:13:16 – 01:45:16:13

Colt Johnson

Of been on Instagram since last year, like November.

 

01:45:16:13 – 01:45:20:11

Brad Singletary

So it’s not that you’re just not posting. You’re not even going tonight browsing.

 

01:45:20:17 – 01:45:21:15

Colt Johnson

I’m not that’s.

 

01:45:21:15 – 01:45:24:16

Brad Singletary

The most helpful thing right there. That’s I love it. Why?

 

01:45:25:01 – 01:45:30:02

Colt Johnson

Well, I mean, after you read a million negative comments about yourself.

 

01:45:30:02 – 01:45:31:23

Brad Singletary

I saw your pictures online.

 

01:45:31:29 – 01:45:50:11

Colt Johnson

But now if you want to go down that rabbit hole, it feel like you feel like your life is part of this algorithm, this whole like, media, like, what’s the topics you care about? Well, let me go check. I don’t want I want to care about the things I care about. And I have things I’d like. Just tell me when I should feel I care about.

 

01:45:50:11 – 01:46:09:08

Colt Johnson

So those are media’s easy trap to just straight launch day and have a stream of talking points and thoughts or feelings, you know, to for everyone to share with. And once you’re out of that system, you start having other things, care about other things, thinking about the things that no one else cares about, but it feels great.

 

01:46:09:28 – 01:46:25:21

Brad Singletary

Dude, that is super cool because you probably have a whole billion bunch of people following you and it would be plenty of that’s constant supply of dopamine. You know, there’s messaging and there’s all this stuff and this whatever and you just opted out.

 

01:46:25:21 – 01:46:32:19

Colt Johnson

That’s bad too. That’s a lot of bad chances. Influences. I want to be a good person too. So that’s another thing to kind of like, you know, is your.

 

01:46:32:19 – 01:46:33:19

Brad Singletary

Wife make you do that?

 

01:46:33:21 – 01:46:40:18

Colt Johnson

Well, she didn’t make me, but it’s something that I feel like will help our relationship. And since I said that’s more important, I’ll do that.

 

01:46:40:18 – 01:46:58:15

Brad Singletary

Do not see. That’s something to respect right there. You got a whole bunch of people following you, all kinds of pretty women sending you everything you can imagine. And yes, there’s hateful things in there too, or whatever, but that you have access to a whole lot of attention.

 

01:46:58:23 – 01:46:59:12

Colt Johnson

Archive.

 

01:46:59:17 – 01:47:04:29

Brad Singletary

And you end in the world. Yeah. And then you and you just gave it up because that’s not good for your.

 

01:47:04:29 – 01:47:06:03

Colt Johnson

Marriage and good for me.

 

01:47:06:03 – 01:47:06:27

Brad Singletary

So now that.

 

01:47:07:06 – 01:47:07:21

Colt Johnson

For anything.

 

01:47:07:25 – 01:47:12:13

Brad Singletary

Now listen to listen to this guy. You sound like you get no sage.

 

01:47:12:13 – 01:47:14:02

Colt Johnson

Like, look like a wizard. My life.

 

01:47:14:10 – 01:47:34:13

Brad Singletary

Is. I love it, dude. You have depth. That’s That is what I that is what you know you just can’t capture that on the stories and the shows and stuff. We’re just talking about, you know, this relationship. I don’t know if you if it could be captured or if it has been, but every conversation I ever had was I just felt this profound depth to it.

 

01:47:34:27 – 01:47:46:05

Brad Singletary

We’re not talking bullshit. We’re not talking. You know, what’s playing at the movies? You’re where you just jump right into meaningful things that are going on for you or other people.

 

01:47:46:05 – 01:47:54:15

Colt Johnson

So that’s life. That’s that’s I think people forget that. Like, it’s not what’s trending that’s important. It’s what’s inside you that matters.

 

01:47:55:21 – 01:48:17:10

Brad Singletary

I love it, man. You’re just a remarkable person. I just think that, you know, you’re you’re learning. You’ve allowed yourself to be made fun of really to be I mean, the amusement of others. It has been. Yeah, you’ve it’s been entertaining to a lot of people. That’s why you kept being re invited I guess they said oh yeah this, guy’s golden boy.

 

01:48:17:10 – 01:48:19:23

Colt Johnson

A lot of people burn out too, right? They can’t handle.

 

01:48:20:19 – 01:48:22:17

Brad Singletary

All that emotion and the pressure.

 

01:48:22:17 – 01:48:51:06

Colt Johnson

And so they go down the surgeries, the whatever path that they have to do to stop that, you know? And they got to lose weight. They got to bulk up. They got to change their parents, you know, then they they they start becoming they become something else. They become whatever the public opinion algorithm wants them to be, you know, and that’s usually a doll or a robot or a horrible thing.

 

01:48:52:04 – 01:49:12:02

Colt Johnson

So you can’t you can’t let. Those things all the life. That’s a thing I learned from the show, you know, in one ear, out the other. I appreciate the the energy projected at you, whether it’s good or bad take it as it’s just the energy and whether it’s, you know, people loving you or any of that doesn’t really matter as such.

 

01:49:12:02 – 01:49:15:21

Colt Johnson

You can just ignore that part. If they don’t love you really. Right. They don’t know.

 

01:49:15:23 – 01:49:16:17

Brad Singletary

They don’t even know you.

 

01:49:16:21 – 01:49:31:09

Colt Johnson

So how can they love you? Can they hear you? They can. They can have attention. Energy projected towards you. You know, if you. So we just harvest that that nugget of it and get rid of the waste of the rest. It can go pretty far with it.

 

01:49:32:07 – 01:49:40:20

Brad Singletary

Wow. So awesome to talk to you, man. I hope that we can. We can. We may have to do this again and check in with you here in a little while. Yeah.

 

01:49:40:21 – 01:49:42:02

Colt Johnson

And exciting.

 

01:49:42:02 – 01:49:43:08

Brad Singletary

New technology. Yeah.

 

01:49:43:08 – 01:49:48:21

Colt Johnson

Updates to talk about it too much. But you know, hopefully I’ll see you again in a few months.

 

01:49:48:23 – 01:50:05:17

Brad Singletary

Like a man becoming feel. Yes yeah. I love your progress. Just what you’re trying to do to to distance yourself from the things that aren’t really going to bring you joy and really try to come closer to that does sounds like right now that’s Vanessa.

 

01:50:06:12 – 01:50:11:12

Colt Johnson

My marriage and that’s trying to be just trying to figure out myself that’s the most important.

 

01:50:11:12 – 01:50:25:23

Brad Singletary

Thing right I called thank you so much, man. Appreciate it again. Hey, I’ve got a couple of things I’m going to dig out of a box here. I’ve got a hat and a t shirt. Maybe I’ll throw out the swag, dude. All right, man. Take care. We’ll see you guys sharing stories of men who are doing great things.

 

01:50:25:27 – 01:50:49:27

Brad Singletary

In the case of Colt Johnson here, he’s done some great things in that he’s been on multiple seasons of multiple TV shows. And much of that was his bad behavior, as he described earlier. And he wants to be a different person and he wants to try to grow and he wants to put away things that aren’t really serving him in the things that he wants.

 

01:50:49:27 – 01:51:23:28

Brad Singletary

He just wants love. That’s all he’s ever wanted. He hasn’t quite known how to do that because of some of the circumstances of his upbringing and the circumstances of the upbringing of, the people who brought him up. So we appreciate you being here today, Colt. You guys, wherever you are in life, whatever it is that you’re doing, whatever it is that you’ve failed in, whatever has happened to your relationships, whatever happened in your family growing up, you can make a decision to make your own path, can make a decision to set boundaries.

 

01:51:23:28 – 01:51:43:01

Brad Singletary

That was one of the real golden things that Colt shared here earlier, that confidence is a reflection of your boundaries and that may be something that you need help with. If you do reach out to me, I’ll put any links to Colt in case anybody wants to reach out to him and ask for a copy of his pictures.

 

01:51:43:17 – 01:51:50:12

Brad Singletary

It’s of his pictures. Until next time, you guys. No excuses, Alpha gentleman.

 

01:51:51:01 – 01:51:56:24

Outro

You are the alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

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