099: SEND IT – 2022 Alpha Quorum Man of the Year David Scofield

099: SEND IT – 2022 Alpha Quorum Man of the Year David Scofield

099: SEND IT – 2022 Alpha Quorum Man of the Year David Scofield

Meet Sco, a man recognized as one who epitomizes the alpha way: living life with no excuses. He was honored for his attitude and his actions and his many alpha attributes. He’s a married father of two girls. He works as a welder. He’s a musician, a motorcycle enthusiast, an adventurer and a mechanic. He served in Afghanistan with the United States Air Force and has been a huge advocate for mental health care, especially for veterans and first responders. One of his projects this year included opening the Nevada chapter of Heroes on the Water, a nonprofit that gets veterans and first responders out on the water for fishing and boating adventures. He organized a classic car parade and car show for seniors in an assisted living facility, and has now arranged for men’s groups for these senior men.

 

He describes his views on spirituality, that the deepest part of us is all the same.  He recounts experiences fishing with his dad, how he got into his career, his parenting philosophy, how he does husbandry and why he is so committed to helping other people.  This dude is inspiring and demonstrates with his life the slogan “No Excuses. Alpha Up.”

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:02 – 00:00:20:19
Brad Singletary
This year, another man is recognized as one who epitomizes the alpha way, living with no excuses. He was nominated and then selected by a committee to be honored for his attitude and his actions and his many alpha attributes. He’s a married father of two girls. He works as a welder. He’s a musician. A motorcycle enthusiast an adventurer and mechanic.

00:00:20:26 – 00:00:45:19
Brad Singletary
He served in Afghanistan with the United States Air Force and has been a huge advocate for mental health care, especially for veterans and first responders. One of his projects this year included opening the Nevada chapter of Heroes on the Water, a nonprofit who gets veterans and first responders out on the water for fishing and boating adventures. He organized a classic car parade and car show for seniors in an assisted living facility.

00:00:45:24 – 00:01:05:16
Brad Singletary
He was also very instrumental in many improvements made in the hours of quorum, a worldwide men’s organization that now gives him this honor. Gentlemen, I present to you the 2022 Alpha Core, a Man of the Year, David Schofield.

00:01:10:10 – 00:01:33:12
Intro
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good, gentlemen. You are the alpha. And this is the alpha core.

00:01:36:26 – 00:02:10:23
Brad Singletary
Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show Brad Singletary here. It’s been a little while. It’s been a while since I’ve been here. And I couldn’t be more excited than I am tonight to be here with my friend who is the Alpha Quorum’s 2022, Man of the year. This man was nominated and selected by a committee to represent what it is that we teach in the Alpha Quorum, which is responsibility, resourcefulness, reverence, energy, engagement, endurance, discipline, discernment and distinction.

00:02:11:13 – 00:02:39:12
Brad Singletary
And this is a guy that I’ve known for a while, and as I put together some of the stuff that I’m going to include later in the show, I’ll just going to kind of drop it in. I had no idea what a bad ass this guy is until I heard from his wife, his parents, two sets of parents, parents and step parents and learned about some of the things that he’s done over the past year.

00:02:39:28 – 00:02:53:06
Brad Singletary
Some of those I knew about, but gosh, is going to choke me up to think about some of these things that he’s done. So, gentlemen, I just want to welcome David Schofield. Thanks, Brad, and welcome.

00:02:53:11 – 00:03:05:24
David Scofield
Thank you. I appreciate it. And it’s is it’s surreal to be on the same list of some of my own mentors that I don’t know. It’s an it’s unreal to me.

00:03:06:26 – 00:03:32:02
Brad Singletary
Yeah. There’s you know, we just want to I think something that’s missing in the world is the recognition of dudes that are doing great things. So that’s that’s part of why this whole thing exists. That’s why we do in June, we do a father of the year at the end of the year. I always know when when it’s when they’re talking about the Heisman Trophy so early December is when, you know, that’s when it’s time to to start putting this together for the man of the year.

00:03:32:18 – 00:03:56:18
Brad Singletary
And you’re exactly one of those kind of dudes. And I just have to say, while we were trying to set this appointment up tonight to record, Dave here just got back. He was out of town for a while with for the holidays. Visiting family, drove hours and hours with his very young children and wonderful. He mentioned on his Facebook he had to stop every 20 minutes.

00:03:57:02 – 00:04:14:08
Brad Singletary
But then he had a buddy coming over that he’s going to take care of is one of his pets before he you know, deploys overseas or something. And still he was here 5 minutes early. And, you know, I was kind of thinking I I’m watching the clock thinking, you know, I wouldn’t be too mad if he if he canceled tonight.

00:04:14:08 – 00:04:32:02
Brad Singletary
I could I could just go home and call it a night. But here he is, right on time, right on the money, just like everybody said that you are reliable and that you do anything to help. And so part of this man is to honor you even further, to hear more about you. We’ve we’ve learned about you from your parents on this video that we’ll kind of clip in here.

00:04:32:02 – 00:04:36:29
Brad Singletary
But we want to hear some things from you yourself. So, first of all, how old are you?

00:04:37:28 – 00:04:42:08
David Scofield
I’m 30. I turned 34 in February. Okay. Thank.

00:04:43:04 – 00:04:48:06
Brad Singletary
So 34. So pretty young guy. Married two daughters who are. How old are.

00:04:48:06 – 00:04:52:11
David Scofield
They? My daughters are almost two and just turned four.

00:04:54:11 – 00:05:14:22
Brad Singletary
This guy, I can’t remember what pictures we included in the video, but he is a very you’re a very involved dad. So you’re you’re not one of these dudes who’s just, you know, paying the bills and kind of leaving it up to others. You’re doing a lot of parenting. You’re doing a lot of fun things with them. Probably my favorite picture of you is with Jade.

00:05:15:03 – 00:05:31:22
Brad Singletary
I think she’s up under your truck or Ensign, and she was like, helping you in the garage. Like all up in there. You know, And you’re you’re kind of leading her through that. And and, of course, you know, sometimes they may not be the best job hands, but but you’re you’re having a moment there. You’re teaching them the little things.

00:05:31:22 – 00:05:36:12
Brad Singletary
And that was that was pretty awesome to see. You talk about your your your role as a dad.

00:05:37:00 – 00:05:48:26
David Scofield
Well, my main my main role or my main goal with two daughters is to, uh, I want I want them to be able to change their boyfriends. You know, boyfriends, oil and his car when I do that, because.

00:05:49:02 – 00:05:50:02
Brad Singletary
That’s that’s like.

00:05:51:04 – 00:06:06:07
David Scofield
The state of things right now. I don’t know. That might be the case, but, um, no, I just, uh, I think it’s super important to be involved in, in my kid’s life to have fun with them and do fun stuff with them. I don’t know. Teach them.

00:06:07:14 – 00:06:17:21
Brad Singletary
Yeah, man. So you’re in the silly, you know, Halloween costumes. You’re. I swear, I’ve seen you dress up like, I don’t know whether one of them was a princess or you were you.

00:06:17:21 – 00:06:18:05
David Scofield
You guys.

00:06:19:01 – 00:06:40:07
Brad Singletary
You had these, like, jeans, shorts, jorts like overalls and kind of dress up. Kind of similar to your daughter out in LA. That looked like a big family barbecue or something. But you’re just involved. You’re engaged. That’s one of the one of our Red nine principles is engagement that you just participate with good vibes, You participate with good vibes.

00:06:40:07 – 00:06:44:04
Brad Singletary
I mean, that’s everything that I’ve seen and known about with you and your kids. That’s what you’re doing.

00:06:44:26 – 00:07:12:14
David Scofield
Right? Um, I think so. I appreciate that. It’s, it’s, it’s definitely, it takes a lot of effort to to do that, but it’s so, it’s so worth it. Just spending it spending the time with kids and with my kids and being able to have fun with them and and teach them lessons through experience in life is I think it’s insanely valuable for them.

00:07:12:14 – 00:07:18:09
David Scofield
And then for me, it helps me a lot. I learn a lot from hanging out with kids, from hanging out with my kids.

00:07:19:20 – 00:07:27:03
Brad Singletary
Yeah, they teach you about life. Maybe they teach you about just a fresh perspective, but they probably teach you about yourself.

00:07:27:03 – 00:07:56:13
David Scofield
To teach me a lot about myself. I learn. I get to learn, uh, how. How frustrated I can get at the pettiest shit sometimes. And they’re a real vehicle for me to better myself when I can. I can kind of spot that kind of stuff in my self frustration, you know, and little things and being able to notice that in myself and kind of spread it throughout the rest of my life.

00:07:58:06 – 00:08:08:22
Brad Singletary
You talk about frustration. One of your buddies on there, I forget his name, but he said he’s known you pretty much your whole life and he’s never seen you in a bad mood. Is that true?

00:08:08:28 – 00:08:13:06
David Scofield
I don’t know about that. Maybe when I’m around my friends, I’m not really a bad man.

00:08:13:06 – 00:08:29:26
Brad Singletary
That’s why it’s always a good time. Some. You got a beer in your hand or something? Cause going to have some fun. What about with your kids? I mean, they. They see you’re frustrated. And if you ever do become, you know, angry, irritated or frustrated, what do you do after that?

00:08:29:28 – 00:09:02:26
David Scofield
Well, I think it’s I think it’s important to let them see me have emotion and then, um, correct it and go, you know, I don’t know how many times I’ve apologized to a four year old for being frustrated and, you know, hey, sorry I was frustrated at this. You know, I think it’s important for them to learn that it’s okay to to be pissed off, to be frustrated and sad and, you know, all that kind of stuff.

00:09:02:26 – 00:09:19:28
David Scofield
And through them, seeing me frustrated, that doesn’t give me an excuse to be frustrated right. But through them seeing that and then trying to trying to fix it, I think they can they can learn that having those feelings is fine and then they get to process them afterwards.

00:09:20:16 – 00:09:41:02
Brad Singletary
Oh, I love that so much, man. One of my one of our common heroes and mentors is Taco Mike SPURGEON. And that’s something that he taught me. Use whatever emotion you have. You feel what you feel, and you know, you got to keep yourself, you know, restrained to some degree, but it’s okay to feel things exactly like you’re saying.

00:09:42:01 – 00:10:02:07
Brad Singletary
I believe the same thing. I’ve never been one to, you know, take a fight with my wife that we can only do this in the bedroom. They can never hear us argue. I want them to see us have some issue. There’s some flare ups here and there. And I want to see us hug at the end that you can feel what you feel.

00:10:03:08 – 00:10:29:01
Brad Singletary
And it doesn’t have to be destructive. And you can take responsibility for it and be accountable and apologize if necessary. That I think that’s very healthy versus a lot of men stone cold, you know, stay away from emotion or they’ve bottled it up for so long that they really do have, you know, explosive situations. And then it’s almost they’ve never seen you get angry until you really lost it.

00:10:29:25 – 00:10:34:07
Brad Singletary
So some regular feelings as human. That’s normal.

00:10:34:16 – 00:10:34:28
David Scofield
Yeah.

00:10:36:19 – 00:10:44:05
Brad Singletary
So there were some exciting things in there just with your, like, hobbies. You’re a you’re a fisherman.

00:10:44:24 – 00:10:45:07
David Scofield
Love it.

00:10:45:10 – 00:10:49:28
Brad Singletary
How did you how did you start with that? Because I see your teaching. Your girls, even, you know, they were out there fishing with you.

00:10:50:05 – 00:11:23:16
David Scofield
Um, my dad, my biological dad, he. He’s been into it forever. So my first memories of fishing were, you know, with him going out, we would go. We’d go to, like, trout ponds, um, where they stocked a ton of trout and I knew, like, pay per trout that you catch. Like, it’s not really fishing. It was just let’s go catch some fish doing that and then going out on barges and doing deep sea stuff with them.

00:11:24:15 – 00:11:43:26
David Scofield
It really fizzled out a lot, you know, through life. But it’s it’s something that I’ve come back to and it’s it’s a thing that I can I can really find some peace in, you know, I can recenter myself after just kind of living in this crazy ass world and going through the meat grinder every day.

00:11:44:15 – 00:12:01:21
Brad Singletary
Yeah. It seems like some of the value of that stuff is not just if you catch fish or not, but it’s the opportunity to get away, Get out in nature. There’s some solitude. Maybe. I don’t know if you’re most of the time by yourself or you know you’re off by yourself. Even if you’re with someone, you have some quiet.

00:12:02:05 – 00:12:22:28
Brad Singletary
You’re just kind of connecting with the earth. And I mean, that’s that seems like some of the coolest parts of that. I grew up we were commercial fishermen. We had a crabbing business down in Florida, so we fished a lot of different kinds of things. But I lost the appreciation for that, I think because it was work, it was how our family fed ourselves and stuff.

00:12:22:28 – 00:12:28:04
Brad Singletary
And this seems like you’ve gone back to some of your roots with that as a way to find enjoyment.

00:12:28:19 – 00:12:55:27
David Scofield
Right? Yeah, It’s, uh, it lets me it really provides something for me to slow my mind down and focus on something else other than all the things you know, We just have so many stressors and all kinds of shit you got to worry about. That’s a bunch of stuff that’s in the future, and it’s something that that keeps me in the now and lets me focus on exactly what I’m doing.

00:12:56:12 – 00:13:15:12
David Scofield
Kind of hang out. Some fishing is more intense than others. You know, some stuff’s pretty, you know, like tournament fishing gets pretty wild and you’re really focused in on the day and then you’ve got some days you just kind of bait and wait and sit down and drink a couple drinks, you know, whatever those may be and hang out.

00:13:15:12 – 00:13:17:28
David Scofield
And that’s they’re both just as valuable.

00:13:18:17 – 00:13:29:04
Brad Singletary
What’s been your most meaningful, like fishing experience? Was it a tournament, something with your dad? I mean, you probably have so many, but talk about some that were just super cool for you.

00:13:30:19 – 00:14:03:29
David Scofield
Yeah, anytime I’ve I’ve gone out and gone out with my dad has been real cool. There’s one fairly recently, maybe a year or two ago, we went, we went out and we did some deep sea fishing. We did a, we did a 24 hour trip as a as a one day. And we went out. Newport went out to San Clemente Island to try to go get some try, go get some Bluefin, some yellowtail stuff like that.

00:14:04:16 – 00:14:31:13
David Scofield
And I was able to was me, my dad, my father in law and one of my brother in laws through marriage. But it was real cool because we got to go we got to hang out with each other and and be around each other. And most of us, my dad, I think in that video he said, I’ll let you catch some biggest fish next time.

00:14:33:04 – 00:14:55:06
David Scofield
He caught a he caught a fish that time and the rest of us did not. So I don’t know. I think it’s cool that we were able to go. We were able to hang out and we I mean, we sailed together for the most part, you know, like it was it was kind of a bust as far as catching goes.

00:14:55:20 – 00:15:05:00
David Scofield
But it was a good time to be around each other. Road trip with my father in law and a brother of mine. And, uh, go hang out with Dad. And I don’t know.

00:15:05:11 – 00:15:25:04
Brad Singletary
We talked so much about adventure and the need for men to just get out, have some kind of all day or multi-day adventure. Sounds like this was. That was exactly one of those kinds of things for you. What other what other cool adventures have you been on in your life, man? You these pictures and these video, the pictures in the video are just show a lot of fun stuff.

00:15:25:04 – 00:15:25:27
Brad Singletary
You done, man?

00:15:26:15 – 00:15:55:26
David Scofield
Yeah, I’m I’m a I’m a sucker for the, you know, the kind of adrenaline coursing through my veins. It doesn’t really present itself like that while you’re in it. And most of the time it just I think it’s just, uh, I really like that focus that you get that zones everything in your life out, and you just can focus on exactly what you’re doing.

00:15:55:26 – 00:16:11:18
David Scofield
And I’ve found that through several things. Yeah. Um, we’ve got some pictures up of highlighting that was, that was a big part of my life for a few years. Um.

00:16:11:28 – 00:16:18:22
Brad Singletary
Describe what that is. I know just from looking at the pictures, but for these guys on the, in the, in the audience, not knowing what highlighting is.

00:16:20:16 – 00:16:47:03
David Scofield
Basically basically the easiest way to explain it would be it’s almost like a tightrope between cliffs you go, you go up there, hike up, climb, do whatever, get to ends of a canyon and rig up a bunch of ropes and webbing and and walk across, walk back and forth.

00:16:47:13 – 00:16:52:24
Brad Singletary
Oh, that’s crazy. So this this line is how wide is the line? Um.

00:16:53:06 – 00:16:56:27
David Scofield
Usually it’s one inch thick when you’re just one inch wide. Yeah, one.

00:16:56:27 – 00:17:02:11
Brad Singletary
Inch. So that’s like the size of a ruler, right? That’s the thickness.

00:17:02:11 – 00:17:12:19
David Scofield
Of a Yeah, it’s fun. It’s a good time. Yeah. We had a lot of crazy adventures doing that. Um.

00:17:13:19 – 00:17:20:26
Brad Singletary
You have, like, a harness or. You’re right, there’s a little something around your foot. Or how do you know you’re not going to plummet to your death at the bottom?

00:17:21:09 – 00:17:47:11
David Scofield
Like, mentally, you know that that’s most likely not going to happen. Um, yeah. You have a harness. You’re wearing, like a climbing harness and a rope that goes from reclining harness to, like, a a ring that goes around the webbing that you’re walking on normally trails behind you. And if you fall, it’s, uh, it’s a scary moment, but it’s.

00:17:47:12 – 00:17:49:12
David Scofield
It’s pretty exhilarating. It’s fun.

00:17:50:19 – 00:17:52:29
Brad Singletary
No way, dude. That’s the stuff of nightmares. I mean.

00:17:53:16 – 00:17:55:17
David Scofield
Yeah. No, it’s good. I don’t know.

00:17:56:25 – 00:18:02:22
Brad Singletary
So do you stop that? Or how come you’re still doing it? Or when? When did you hang that up?

00:18:02:22 – 00:18:28:05
David Scofield
I stopped doing that. Um, it’s been a few years since I’ve been on a high line. That was. I don’t know, I kind of. I’m kind of a hobby hopper. Um, I got into it. I kind of. I You hit or I hit like, a like a climax. Like a like a high point in learning where I’m learning fast, learning fast.

00:18:28:05 – 00:19:10:12
David Scofield
Like just exponential growth. And then you hit a point where it’s where I would hit a point where where something gets a lot more difficult to progress. And the and then that’s when I find like, okay, well, maybe there’s something else I can progress in a lot. I like to learn a lot about things. So when I get to a point where I know obviously I don’t know everything about it, but I get to a point where something becomes just exponentially harder, way more difficult, I get more joy out of learning something new.

00:19:11:02 – 00:19:27:10
Brad Singletary
Yeah. So you kind of mastered the the basics or the intermediate level stuff and then you’re on to the next hobby, right? Hop on the next kind of fun, fun thing to do. And you’ve, you’ve had a number of those. So your work talk about your work like you’re a welder.

00:19:27:20 – 00:19:28:04
David Scofield
Right?

00:19:28:04 – 00:19:48:04
Brad Singletary
And how did you get into that stuff? I think that’s fascinating. I we were talking earlier about my son. My oldest son is kind of pursuing that in school right now and just loves it. It’s just so manly. I mean, maybe they’re women welders, too, of course. But, you know, you’re you’re putting pieces of steel together and steel or iron.

00:19:48:04 – 00:20:24:28
David Scofield
Steel. Steel. Yeah. So I got into welding. I was working over at Circus Circus. I was in the Adventure Dome, working on maintaining the rides. So climb and roller coasters and, you know, just working on the rides, doing preventative maintenance stuff, doing tear downs and rebuilds and all that kind of stuff. And I liked I just liked the idea of, you know, there was guys there that were welding and I liked the idea of of getting up on a on a track or welding.

00:20:24:28 – 00:21:03:16
David Scofield
You know, I just liked what they were doing and it was something that I could learn. And it’s back to that, you know, learning process. I like to learn new stuff. So that’s really that’s where it started. It started there and I had a lot of help there, a lot of guys. I really knew what they were doing and I would spend time before or after work and just well, and I was lucky enough to have the guys there to, you know, give me some pointers here and there and kind of teach me did some welding there and then and then found a job and got lucky, you know, lucky finding a real good job

00:21:03:16 – 00:21:03:28
David Scofield
for it.

00:21:04:22 – 00:21:21:25
Brad Singletary
Do you think this is your, you know, career home? Is this, you know, really solid and stable? You’re do you enjoy it enough that you think you’ll continue this throughout your life or you’re going to get on a new hobby? What did you call it? Hobby hopping, you know, in a new type of career was hard to know.

00:21:21:25 – 00:21:56:14
David Scofield
So I’ve battled for a long time like, what am I what do I want to do for the rest of my life? Or, you know, like choosing a career for me was always a very difficult thing. And when I finally found welding, I was a late twenties. Um, I was maybe 30 years old when I started welding. Uh, no, I was late twenties Anyways, um, that kind of drew me in to what would be okay for a career.

00:21:57:04 – 00:22:32:01
David Scofield
Um, I feel like anything most things, you know, there’s like, uh, there’s kind of this pipe dream. I think that a lot of people have, including myself, that, you know, you find something and you just dedicate yourself to it and it’s going to work out and it can be your career. And that works out for some people. But for the majority of us, we got to find something, You know, like I enjoy welding, I like welding.

00:22:32:24 – 00:22:40:14
David Scofield
But if I, if I won the lottery, I’m not going to go to work tomorrow. You know.

00:22:40:15 – 00:22:42:03
Brad Singletary
I’m married to welding forever.

00:22:42:08 – 00:23:05:24
David Scofield
Right? But I’ve found my I found my place in it. It’s something that I do enjoy doing and I don’t I don’t hate going to work, you know, I enjoy it a lot of the time. And it’s honestly, it comes down to it does it? It takes care of it takes care of the family. Takes care of it.

00:23:06:00 – 00:23:25:22
David Scofield
It’s got us our house. It’s got us cool stuff for the kids. Um, and, you know, it provides in that way. And really the way I look at it is just it’s just, it’s what I do in the mornings. I work from 6 to 2, Monday to Friday, and, uh, you know, that’s what I do in the mornings.

00:23:25:22 – 00:23:28:27
David Scofield
The rest of my life is, is, is more. So my it’s.

00:23:28:27 – 00:23:29:28
Brad Singletary
The real work and it’s.

00:23:29:28 – 00:23:32:03
David Scofield
The real world. That’s, yeah, that’s the real stuff.

00:23:32:03 – 00:24:10:28
Brad Singletary
I’m yeah, that’s how I feel, man. Work is just what I do to get away from my real job, which is being at home and being a dad. And this is kind of my fun work is fun for me. So, so I’m curious about your spirituality because when I look at this video and I hear the things that people say about you, it just seems like you have you know, he’s walking around helping people and spending every opportunity that you can to to bring love and, you know, bring light to people’s life, to bring some kind of, you know, assistance or help, something that we didn’t get in the video.

00:24:11:21 – 00:24:38:28
Brad Singletary
There was a guy that Scott and I both knew who was a retiree. You know, he basically lives alone. Um, divorced and lives alone kind of retirement age and, and is often maybe down. And Schofield here invited him fishing and he just picked this whole guy up and they went out and fished. And I don’t know whether or not you caught any fish, but man, that kind of thing.

00:24:39:19 – 00:25:04:29
Brad Singletary
That’s something that this dude still talks about as a very meaningful experience in like his whole life. So anyway, spirituality, because I think that’s obviously very different from from religion. Some people use religion for spirituality, but what is your sense of like the inner world of like purpose or just I’ll just let you take it from there? How do you see spirituality.

00:25:05:11 – 00:25:42:00
David Scofield
Spirituality So for me, this is something that I’ve I’ve learned a lot this year, specifically, Um, I’ve always, I’ve always so I grew up in, in religion and, um, there’s there are, there are definitely parts of it that made sense to me, Um, yeah, being kind of people, you know, being cool with other people, helping each other out, that kind of stuff.

00:25:43:00 – 00:26:15:07
David Scofield
And then it gets into weird rules and, and some, you know, some crazy stuff that just didn’t make sense to me. And that’s where, where religion loses me. Um, but I, I kept that, uh, I try to keep that base of just kindness and love with in day to day life. And sometimes it doesn’t show up every single day, right?

00:26:15:07 – 00:26:57:24
David Scofield
But it, uh, I try to make it or I try to have it show up on a fairly regular basis. Um, let’s see. So one of the big things I learned this year, it was actually kind of a crazy, kind of a crazy thing. I so I came to the group Facebook page and I brought up, um, I brought up a trouble that I’ve had for a long time with, um, with self, like, how do you love yourself?

00:26:59:08 – 00:27:18:09
David Scofield
And went into this thing about it and, you know, I just, I have trouble like loving myself. I always see all the things that I could be doing better, you know? You see, I really all those things stick out to me. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done or how good I’ve done. You can always do better. Always. Forever.

00:27:18:10 – 00:27:49:19
David Scofield
Right. Um, so I have those were kind of my focuses and I have, I don’t know, I had a lot of really bad kind of self-talk about stuff like that and, and just needing to do better, wanting to do better. And anyways, I brought that to the group on Facebook and somebody, somebody mentioned a book and they stated that the author was Eckhart Totally.

00:27:50:27 – 00:28:26:12
David Scofield
But looking for the book under Eckhart totally didn’t come up. He accidentally put Eckhart Totally. Long story short, I’m in a I got into a kind of a rabbit hole of Eckhart Totally. And through listening. So Eckhart totally is a spiritual leader. He’s a spiritual teacher. He’s really, really cool. He takes he takes things from a bunch of different religions and brings them all together.

00:28:26:13 – 00:29:14:21
David Scofield
Um, he calls he calls a lot of it signposting, like, uh, like religions or signposting. They’re all kind of pointing in the same direction, but teaching it a little bit different and whatnot. So he uses a lot of the, the teachings from like Christ or Buddha or what have you, um, but the, the, the big thing, spirituality wise, that has all kind of come full circle and is really hit home for me this year in particular, is that we are he uses he uses the word human being as two words.

00:29:14:21 – 00:30:09:06
David Scofield
We have our human side and we have our we have our being. And our human side is our, our that’s that’s the side that’s programed. That’s, you know, from from birth til this very moment, you’re you’re learning. You’re almost like a computer learning through your life experience. Um, and that being is when you can separate that and you can, if you can sit and you can shut that off and just be if you just sit and experience everything that’s around you, um, kind of without sense, like, without touching or smelling, you, you just experience the world around you and appreciate it.

00:30:10:01 – 00:31:08:17
David Scofield
Um, that’s being, that’s, and obviously this spiritual teacher does a lot better job talking about that than me. But, uh, in that being and that’s, that being is, is in everything that’s in all of life, um, so with that said, so I have that you have that you know, our kids have that the uh, the, I don’t know all that everybody in the world that’s driving us all crazy or, you know, like whatever it is, they all have that same being, um, so really, the way I see it is, is what I’ve learned is that we are all we’re all the same brain.

00:31:08:19 – 00:31:38:24
David Scofield
We’re all, we’re all the same thing, just kind of programed differently. And I guess that’s, that’s a big thing that I’ve, that I’ve come to learn about my spirituality, that kindness and, and grace and and love can be extended to everyone and everything because it’s all we’re all I don’t know. We’re all the same.

00:31:39:18 – 00:31:55:21
Brad Singletary
How is that different from what you thought before or how was that a new I? It makes me want to I’ve seen and read some of his stuff, but I want to go learn more. I love what I have learned from him and watch some videos except he talks so slow. I had to turn it on like 1.5 or two to x, you know?

00:31:55:21 – 00:32:09:24
Brad Singletary
But how is that different? What? What was novel or new about that philosophy, about being and how we’re all the same kind of similar beings?

00:32:09:24 – 00:32:24:04
David Scofield
I guess in my past it’s been, um, it’s been separate. It’s been separated like we.

00:32:26:15 – 00:32:36:15
Brad Singletary
Separated, like based on your accomplishments or whether or not you were keeping the rules or your, the worth of your being was dictated on some other thing or.

00:32:36:17 – 00:33:02:16
David Scofield
Right. And yeah, in a lot of religion there’s like, are you worthy or, you know, worthy. Worthy of what? And what are the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. I don’t, it’s, yeah, that, that kind of stuff separated everybody. And then a lot of religions too. I’ve learned about a lot of them.

00:33:05:02 – 00:33:29:11
David Scofield
And in most cases it’s, you know, like, well, this is the this is the correct this is the right religion or the true religion or the this is the right God or, you know, all this other stuff is nonsense. And it’s not that’s not really the case. That’s all. To me, all of those things exist because we believe they exist.

00:33:29:11 – 00:33:51:05
David Scofield
They we think somebody thinks they exist. Therefore they do, because they’re not it’s not a tangible thing, but of a mass number of people are thinking of it or or believe in it or then then it’s there. You know, you can’t deny that. So it’s there for them. That’s very real. Yeah.

00:33:51:19 – 00:34:05:12
Brad Singletary
So I don’t know you saying that you learned a lot of this this year, but you weren’t seeking it, so you first had a question. So I love a whole lot about what you’re saying. You know, you kind of had some questions about what was it your asking about in the Facebook group?

00:34:05:12 – 00:34:07:02
David Scofield
It was it was self love.

00:34:07:02 – 00:34:09:19
Brad Singletary
Okay, How do I learn to love myself?

00:34:09:19 – 00:34:10:27
David Scofield
Yeah. Yeah.

00:34:10:29 – 00:34:12:27
Brad Singletary
So somebody turn you on to a book.

00:34:13:16 – 00:34:17:15
David Scofield
Totally by accident. Yeah, it was. It was a different book by a different author.

00:34:17:28 – 00:34:21:08
Brad Singletary
And I found it through the search of the wrong thing.

00:34:21:08 – 00:34:28:19
David Scofield
I found Eckhart totally. Okay. Yeah. Um, because that’s the author that he put out. Okay.

00:34:29:08 – 00:34:49:17
Brad Singletary
And so here’s I love about that. You have a question, So you’re wondering about being a better man. You’re wondering about how to love and appreciate yourself more, respect yourself more, whatever that was. And then you ask for some help. So resourcefulness is part of the man. That’s part of what you talk about. You always loved to learn.

00:34:49:17 – 00:35:05:24
Brad Singletary
You always want to be growing. You always want to learn new things. So then you ask other people, this Facebook group, you know, 15 or 1600 men from all over the world. And so you just throw it out there, Hey, how do I learn love myself more? So something along those lines, pretty much.

00:35:05:24 – 00:35:19:23
David Scofield
It was I mean, it was more drawn out than that. And and I’m a lot better I’m a lot better at writing something out. I can articulate what I’m trying to say better. But yeah, it was basically along those lines.

00:35:19:23 – 00:35:42:28
Brad Singletary
You threw it out there and but you’re seeking like the wisdom that other men might share. Some probably had all kinds of different ideas and thoughts, but that itself is bad ass that you’re asking for insight. Give me some wisdom to lead me to something of some understanding. You found this other stuff by accident. You go, you said devouring it or you were, you know, you spent a lot of time learning about his teachings.

00:35:43:05 – 00:35:43:19
David Scofield
Right.

00:35:43:24 – 00:36:00:17
Brad Singletary
And that’s changed you. And then what has how has that changed you since then? So I want to talk about some of the and things that you’ve done this year. But how does that make you see things differently just walking around in the world on a day to day basis?

00:36:00:17 – 00:36:35:14
David Scofield
I appreciate and I truly love all it’s hard to say, but it’s true. I love everything. You know, that’s that’s going on. I appreciate, you know, people experiences time that people put into stuff just there’s so much that goes into every single little thing that’s like in your life, every moment of your day. There’s so much shit that goes into that just aligns for that moment to happen.

00:36:36:02 – 00:37:19:25
David Scofield
And, and I, I try. It’s helped me try to appreciate every moment that I can. It’s helped me a lot with, with, with judgment of other people. I’ve always tried. No, maybe not always. I’ve tried to better myself with judgment of others and of myself. But, you know, when when I can look at everybody as, I mean, weird as the same thing, you know, the same we’re the same thing.

00:37:19:25 – 00:37:24:21
David Scofield
I can truly believe that. Everyone’s just they’re just doing their best. Could they do better? Hell, yeah.

00:37:25:20 – 00:37:45:01
Brad Singletary
So on the human part of that thing, you’re saying the human thing is like you’re tall and thin and I’m short and chubby, but our being is the same. So we have different we have these distinct differences in our human side. But the being that, you know, this whatever exists in us is the same is the same thing.

00:37:45:01 – 00:37:47:12
Brad Singletary
And maybe that’s a spiritual part or whatever.

00:37:47:12 – 00:38:21:13
David Scofield
Definitely it is. Yeah. And the human side is isn’t just physical. It’s it’s our thoughts. It’s our, um, it’s our thoughts and it’s our actions. It’s the things that we do. It’s how we get through life. Like, I mean, you’re a, you know, a lot of people have coping mechanisms that they have started when they were young and they don’t even know that they exist until they sit down with someone like you and kind of break things apart and and learn, Oh, I do this because of that.

00:38:21:13 – 00:38:28:21
David Scofield
Or I think this way, because of this experience or this number of experiences in my life. That’s our that’s our human side.

00:38:29:00 – 00:38:38:26
Brad Singletary
So the human part is whatever is unique to us individually, the beings side is what’s not unique. It’s we’re all we all have this common commonality.

00:38:38:29 – 00:38:52:02
David Scofield
Yeah, it’s it’s consciousness is what you know, Eckhart would Describe it as. It’s just it’s this consciousness that everything has just this existence.

00:38:53:19 – 00:39:20:29
Brad Singletary
Yeah, that’s great stuff. I love one of his quotes. Something about whatever the universe brings to you at any given time is exactly what is necessary for the evolution of your consciousness. Like whatever bullshit you run into, it’s good. It’s you need that. This is something meaningful for you. Take it and use it. And and of course, he’s much more like poetic about it all.

00:39:20:29 – 00:39:30:10
Brad Singletary
But I love that stuff, man. So you were talking about Grace a little bit. What are you. What are you talking about with talk about the concept of, like grace.

00:39:30:10 – 00:39:54:19
David Scofield
And so we go going with that. So like, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll look at my kids when they’re doing something wrong or, you know, they’re upsetting me and I don’t I don’t think of I don’t think less of them because they did something that you would expect a four year old to do, you know, or a two year old to do.

00:39:54:19 – 00:40:19:04
David Scofield
Like, of course, a two year old is going to throw a tantrum at some point. And, you know, a four year old is going to push her sister and take a toy or, you know, you know, I don’t think less of them. You know, you handle the situation and you help them learn through it and whatnot. But that to me is is having some having some grace for them.

00:40:19:04 – 00:40:33:01
David Scofield
Like, I’m not going to think less of you because you screw up. Um, and that extends to everybody. And then the hardest thing for me was was extending that to myself.

00:40:34:18 – 00:40:37:01
Brad Singletary
It’s easier extending grace to yourself.

00:40:37:05 – 00:40:59:07
David Scofield
Yeah. So having, you know, just knowing that it’s all right to do dumb shit, you know, I can. I can screw up and learn from it and keep going like you would like what you were just saying about Eckhart’s quote. Um, well, what did you say again?

00:40:59:12 – 00:41:07:06
Brad Singletary
Something like, you know, whatever the universe brings to you is exactly what your consciousness needs to evolve or something like that.

00:41:07:06 – 00:41:24:00
David Scofield
Right? So yeah, so all the, all the dumb stuff, all the, you know, all the great things and all the bad things and wonderful things and horrible things, and then everything in between is all helping us in some way. If you let it.

00:41:24:05 – 00:41:31:26
Brad Singletary
It’s all beneficial, as painful as it might be. Right? There’s some good in it. And let it, let it help you, Right.

00:41:32:01 – 00:41:32:12
David Scofield
Wow.

00:41:32:26 – 00:41:53:26
Brad Singletary
So, yeah, man, you’re talking about, you know, Grace for the four year old. She pushes her sister and whatever, and then and then to other people outside of your family, maybe. But then even to yourself, it seems like we spend so much of our thought, so much of our time thinking. We spend so much of it in judgment.

00:41:54:09 – 00:42:15:25
Brad Singletary
And that’s not very useful. I mean, so one of the red nine principles is discernment, which means, to be fair in your judgments, you know, see, read between the lines and see what’s going on and try to notice what’s reality. But that also might mean some greater depth to the person’s worth as a you know, the person’s like.

00:42:15:29 – 00:42:34:08
Brad Singletary
And when you’re talking about this being earlier, you were talking about in the religion, you know, the idea of worthiness, you’re saying there’s just this infinite worthiness. Everybody’s worthy. They’re the being. It can’t be changed. There’s no need to to prove yourself.

00:42:34:17 – 00:43:00:14
David Scofield
Right? Right. It’s just it’s just there. We we all have it, and it’s, uh, it’s mind blowing that. I mean, it’s. If you really think about it, it’s mind blowing that we even exist. Like what a what a crazy thing that is. And how. How grateful can you be that you can. They literally are just here. That I’m shit, that I’m here right now is insane.

00:43:00:14 – 00:43:05:20
David Scofield
But anywhere in the day, you know, just say you. I don’t know.

00:43:05:24 – 00:43:32:18
Brad Singletary
Yeah yeah the I think I’ve heard somewhere who quoted this with, you know it’s like a one in 4 trillion chance that you came to me that you and I came to exist one in 4 trillion. So there’s some meaningfulness to it all. And so one of those principles in the retina and we talk about reverence, and that is, you know, it’s often used in like, you know, in the religious world or whatever.

00:43:32:18 – 00:43:53:27
Brad Singletary
I think some pastors, even their title is like reverend, and it comes from the same word. And but the idea is just that there’s some humility. You got some gratitude. You know, you kind of see things as connected. You see life. You treat life with some respect. That’s what I you have a very strong sense of like reverence.

00:43:54:17 – 00:44:12:08
Brad Singletary
You know, I’ve seen your pictures of you out here on the strip or whatever in that banana suit. I saw you a zip line in naked. I’m pretty sure I tried to get that in the video, but it was to your skin blended in with the desert background. We couldn’t see it, but that was true. That showed.

00:44:12:28 – 00:44:17:03
David Scofield
Up in the air.

00:44:17:03 – 00:44:24:01
Brad Singletary
Coming down between the harness, you know, and ball sack everywhere. But you do, man. You got this this great sense of.

00:44:24:01 – 00:44:25:10
David Scofield
Like.

00:44:25:10 – 00:44:50:17
Brad Singletary
Just kindness, respect, humility, gratitude. That’s pretty awesome. So you went seeking that. You found you found some things that were helpful in your own understanding that. But but you know what, man? You before all that because some of your lifelong friends here in this in this video said they’ve known you since high school and you’ve just been a helpful dude all the way I mean, all the way through life.

00:44:50:17 – 00:45:10:25
Brad Singletary
Neighbors move in and you’re just showing up, offering to help with stuff. You know, here’s some tools here. What do you need? Let me help you out. Dave’s done things to help me. I mean, and so this isn’t just this year that you’ve been that guy. You’ve kind of been you’ve been shaping that part of you for a long time.

00:45:10:25 – 00:45:36:26
Brad Singletary
And and maybe some of that is just some inherent gifts that you have, I believe. But talk about just how you handle the people in your life. You know, the the neighbor, the coworker, the friend, the family member. Because surely people piss you off, but you’re giving a whole lot of good out there. You’re doing a lot of good.

00:45:36:26 – 00:46:20:19
David Scofield
Thanks. Yeah, I, I, I try. I think I think it was back when you, I think you had Justin Mackey right on on here and he spoke about relationships. Mm hmm. Um, and that’s, that’s what that is of. I’ve to me, relationships are uber important in, in life in general. And every relationship that I can, that I can have and help grow is, makes me better off.

00:46:20:19 – 00:46:49:24
David Scofield
And hopefully I can. I can make them better off as well. So that’s, that’s what that is as well. I’ll help whoever I can. And I think, I think helping people if I, I truly enjoy helping people and doing stuff for others. But it really does come back, you know, tenfold. The the more you do for for other people that you feel it right.

00:46:49:24 – 00:47:22:22
David Scofield
It feels good. But then somewhere down the road something pops up and you need some help and or, you know, someone offers you something or I don’t know I just I think relationships are super important in life because, I mean, it’s kind of the idea behind the Alpha Quorum race is we need tribe and the society that we live in now doesn’t really force us to create that tribe like it would have, you know, whatever thousand years ago.

00:47:22:22 – 00:47:47:01
David Scofield
But through trying to make these trying to trying to create and feed relationships, it creates that it creates your own kind of tribe. You you know, that those people can count on you. And a lot of the times you can count on those people.

00:47:47:28 – 00:48:09:24
Brad Singletary
I can just tell that that’s not your primary motivation. Otherwise, you know, that’s maybe manipulation or that’s a transactional relationship. You’re not doing that. You know, the guy your your dad was talking about where you’re going to dinner and somebody broke down and you whip around, make a U-turn and you know, you’re helping this guy. You’re supposed to be somewhere for a family dinner and you’re helping some guy on the side of the road.

00:48:10:01 – 00:48:22:15
Brad Singletary
That’s not he you probably not going to run into him again. You don’t need you’re not out there gathering credits for your future. And I don’t know how I know that. I just feel it. And I know that’s not what you’re doing.

00:48:23:01 – 00:48:59:20
David Scofield
Yeah, I guess maybe I was kind of. Maybe I’m. Maybe I’m wording that wrong or something. I just. It is about I think I really do think relationships are important, but I don’t have to receive from a relationship and situations like that. It’s just I don’t know. It just it, it feels right to go help somebody like some dude who is stuck in the middle of the street.

00:48:59:20 – 00:49:03:14
David Scofield
And poor guy was driving an old dodge, you know. So I. Oh, yeah, they.

00:49:04:06 – 00:49:04:28
Brad Singletary
All, they all need.

00:49:04:28 – 00:49:16:17
David Scofield
Help. Know how to get out and help them pushes Dodge and mentioned that it was a if it was a Chevy where you wanted to go but uh, yeah, I don’t know. Um.

00:49:17:00 – 00:49:18:29
Brad Singletary
Well, a worst case scenario would be a Ford, but.

00:49:19:11 – 00:49:19:17
David Scofield
Just.

00:49:19:25 – 00:49:20:15
Brad Singletary
Keep that out.

00:49:20:23 – 00:49:21:16
David Scofield
Okay? You know.

00:49:21:16 – 00:49:38:01
Brad Singletary
Keep it serious in our talk here. Well, yeah, man. So, like, you’re you’re you’re talking about, you’ve you’ve learned some language recently that says kind of we’re all the same, but you’ve been living that way. You’ve seen that’s what you would want to do. Somebody if, if you were stuck somewhere, if you were broken down, you would want that.

00:49:38:01 – 00:49:44:01
Brad Singletary
And so maybe part of it is, well, why not help this guy? Maybe it won’t take too much of my time. Did you ever make it to the dinner?

00:49:44:08 – 00:49:46:07
David Scofield
Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

00:49:46:14 – 00:49:49:10
Brad Singletary
And without too much, you know, grease on your hands or whatever.

00:49:49:12 – 00:49:54:01
David Scofield
No, I was. I was pretty gassed. Uh, that was a big, fat girl of a truck, so.

00:49:54:01 – 00:50:17:00
Brad Singletary
Oh, so you mentioned the. The interview with Justin Mackey, and I don’t know if he used this word in the podcast that he did a couple episodes with us or if it was in conversation outside of that. But he talked about I’d never heard this word before, but husbandry was like the art of, you know, being a husband, husbandry anyway, think is a great word.

00:50:17:00 – 00:50:37:26
Brad Singletary
I guess it’s a real word. Probably. He’s smarter than me. So talk about husbandry. Your role as a as a husband and how you, you know, some of the principles that you’re trying to live by, how that stuff shows up in your marriage. And I know I know your wife. I know Bri, and she seems like just a sweetheart.

00:50:37:26 – 00:50:47:13
Brad Singletary
And but I know when you’re when you’re dealing with human beings, when you’re dealing with feelings, when you’re dealing with a long term relationship, things probably creep in. And, you know, we’re all human.

00:50:48:16 – 00:51:04:20
David Scofield
Right, man, to be it, to be a husband, to be in a in a marriage, you kind of a I feel like I kind of grew up thinking that it’s one thing and actually having no idea what the hell it actually was.

00:51:04:20 – 00:51:05:00
Brad Singletary
We all.

00:51:05:00 – 00:51:07:12
David Scofield
Got to do it in.

00:51:07:18 – 00:51:08:06
Brad Singletary
Fantasy.

00:51:08:14 – 00:51:42:15
David Scofield
Yeah. Yeah. We don’t you don’t know until you do it and the biggest thing with trying to to be a good husband currently and be better as I go is again, I’m constantly I think it’s important to try to learn. Um, there’s always room to grow, right? And I don’t know, I just. I really try to be there for her.

00:51:42:15 – 00:52:07:25
David Scofield
I try to support her in, in a lot of things. Um, but I, I learn a lot from her. She’s, she’s the first person in my life that has ever, like, any, any wild ass idea that I have or stupid thing that I want to do or whatever. She just it, she’s like, Yeah, go ahead. And that is huge.

00:52:07:25 – 00:52:34:19
David Scofield
And so I think that part of being a good husband is also is I mean, there’s been a lot of guys that have talked on, on this podcast about that kind of stuff. But for me, a huge thing is, is learning from your spouse, not just learning like, you know, what are they what do they need in, in your relationship or or how can you help them and do all this stuff.

00:52:34:19 – 00:52:50:00
David Scofield
But learning from them, like using them as an example to also be better? Mm hmm. Um, and I, I try my best, you know, to do that with. With my wife.

00:52:50:27 – 00:53:17:07
Brad Singletary
Yeah, there’s some. I think this was some research out of Australia. I’m not sure who who has this. Maybe it’s the Guardians. I’m not sure, but somebody out there, somebody famous is talking about. The fact that the happiest relationships are literally where the man is, where the husband is, he allows himself to be influenced by his spouse. So the worst relationships are where the man does not have any.

00:53:17:15 – 00:53:33:23
Brad Singletary
He won’t allow any. He won’t allow himself to learn from her. And you’re saying you’re you’re allowing yourself to learn. There’s a lot to learn. There’s there’s a lot going on in life. And you’re allowing her to influence you. So she’s supportive, but she’s also teaching you and.

00:53:34:03 – 00:54:00:14
David Scofield
Right. And I think that’s that balance is important because she is very supportive. Um, so I know I’m not just like, you know, being taken advantage of, although honestly, today before I came over here, um, I, I told her, you know what? I don’t, I don’t really enjoy or like the fact that I am as trained as I am because she might.

00:54:00:14 – 00:54:22:09
David Scofield
My two year old went over and dumped a bunch of just went over and dumped the dog water all over the floor. And my wife and I are both sitting on the couch and she saw it happen and I was kind of staring off into my phone and she saw it happen. And she said something along the lines of did did just dump the dog water.

00:54:22:26 – 00:54:42:28
David Scofield
And I looked up and I see the dog water spilled on the floor and like, without anything just like stood up. And it takes all energy to clean this shit up. And I don’t know, but she does the same thing too. So that is I’ve learned from her, but I don’t know, maybe I’ve been programed by her too.

00:54:44:10 – 00:55:03:01
Brad Singletary
Man, there was a moment, and maybe it’s because I’m looking at this. When I was doing this video right at the very end, when she said, There is no one more deserving of this award, and I’m very proud of her. Now, I don’t know her that well, but I think I know people well enough and I’ve got this on my earphones.

00:55:03:01 – 00:55:23:11
Brad Singletary
I’m playing the same clips, you know, 40 times each to get it. All right. And I just hear this little bit of emotion. I hear this little bit of just excitement that she is truly proud of you, man. Like I it was just giddy. She was trying not to be to look too. But she was saying there’s no one more deserving of this.

00:55:23:11 – 00:55:34:20
Brad Singletary
And I’m very proud of him. And I don’t know, I just I believed her. I believe that that was a deep appreciation for you when she said that. I just maybe others didn’t catch that. But do you think she’s proud of you?

00:55:34:27 – 00:56:01:00
David Scofield
Absolutely I do. Yeah, I think I think we’re both proud of each other. We’re both growing and learning and and it’s you can’t you can’t help but feel proud of of your spouse when when you’re paying attention to their growth. You know, I think how now they’re doing.

00:56:01:00 – 00:56:17:04
Brad Singletary
Wow, that’s cool. You can’t help but to be proud of your spouse if you’re paying attention to their growth. That that may be the problem with a lot of men is that they’re not paying attention. They’re not looking at men and women, too. But if you’re paying attention, you’re probably going to be proud.

00:56:17:27 – 00:56:20:14
David Scofield
Right? Wow. Yeah.

00:56:20:15 – 00:56:42:12
Brad Singletary
I see you guys doing like music festivals. And, you know, I know you both have great careers, but maybe, maybe you’re not, like, infinitely loaded with cash or whatever, but you make things a priority. You’re doing trips, you’re traveling, you’re taking a little weekend getaways. You got you’re going to concerts and you’re just you seem like you’re just living life together and making it making it work.

00:56:42:12 – 00:56:45:20
Brad Singletary
I mean, it just seems like you’re kind of living the American dream.

00:56:46:13 – 00:56:53:17
David Scofield
Making it work. Yeah, that’s definitely that’s it right there. I don’t know. Yeah, we’re doing our best for sure.

00:56:54:19 – 00:57:12:09
Brad Singletary
There’s a couple other things I wanted to mention. So you did a you did two huge things this year. Talk about heroes on the water, because we talked about the mental health and the we’ll talk about the whole program and your involvement with it and why you did it.

00:57:12:23 – 00:57:42:29
David Scofield
Here is on the water is a I’m super excited about and blessed to be able to be a part of here in Vegas. So Heroes on the Water is a organization. It’s a it’s a nonprofit organization that’s all over the U.S. And we were able to get a chapter started here in Las Vegas. And what we do is provide like a day of fishing.

00:57:43:12 – 00:58:11:17
David Scofield
We take people out, we’ve got kayaks, we got kayaks, trailer, fishing gear, a bunch of cool stuff. And we take veterans active duty and first responders and, their family, and we organize little events and get everybody out on the water to go fishing. Just a it’s the slogan for heroes on the water is paddle fish.

00:58:11:17 – 00:58:14:05
Brad Singletary
He’ll paddle fishy or that’s awesome.

00:58:14:05 – 00:58:39:17
David Scofield
And it’s something that I’ve found in my life that helps me out a lot. And I know it’s helped a ton of other people out and just, I don’t know, like what we were talking about before, kind of connecting with nature and getting your mind focused on something else and and a million other reasons that it’s good. But yeah, we’ve got some we’ve got some good plans for it this year.

00:58:39:17 – 00:59:03:03
David Scofield
We didn’t we didn’t do a ton with it last year. I think we well we got our three outings done last year. Um, one of them I was able to get a group of firefighters from here in Vegas. We went out to, we actually went out to a frigate, I think it was Gun Lake Reservoir out in Utah and did some fishing out there.

00:59:03:03 – 00:59:24:21
David Scofield
The guys had a blast. Most of them hadn’t really fished and I don’t know, they loved it. They had a good time. And that’s that’s really what it’s about, getting people out to go get away from especially jobs like that that are pretty mentally taxing. Um, trying to serve the guys and the men and men and women that serve us.

00:59:25:10 – 00:59:25:23
David Scofield
So.

00:59:26:14 – 00:59:40:02
Brad Singletary
Yeah. So what was your involvement with that? I mean, this is a nonprofit that exists out there with chapters all over and whatever. It didn’t exist in Nevada, right? Until you got involved in what was your how did you how did you do your part of that?

00:59:40:13 – 01:00:19:10
David Scofield
So I guess it did kind of exist in Nevada. But the last director wasn’t I don’t know, I guess I don’t know the full story of it. Nobody knew about it and they weren’t doing any events or anything. So I probably got busy with life and whatnot, but I heard that they wanted to start a chapter here and just I reached out to a bunch of people and finally got a hold of someone that was in charge of getting chapters off the ground.

01:00:20:11 – 01:00:29:29
David Scofield
Um, and so, yeah, so we started the, we started the chapter out here.

01:00:29:29 – 01:00:53:04
Brad Singletary
It’s just remarkable, man. People don’t do that. I mean, people like that. And that’s the kind of thing that this guy is, you know, I think you got some opposite work schedules with your wife. You know, you spend a lot of time with your two very young daughters. You’ve got your own full time work, you’ve got your own hobbies, you’ve got all these friends you’re taking care of, even strangers on the side of the road.

01:00:53:11 – 01:01:14:24
Brad Singletary
And then it’s like, Hey, let me start a nonprofit here in Nevada for the veterans. And first responders. You know, take them out fishing, paddle, fish, heal. Good grief, man. That’s just that’s the most impressive thing ever. So this is all about kind of mental health and healing from traumatic experiences. I mean, that’s part of their, like mission statement or something about.

01:01:14:24 – 01:01:46:04
David Scofield
Yeah, that’s a lot of it. Um, it also recognizes that the families deal with that too. Like, um, you know, people, people, men and women coming back from deployment and, and stuff, they’re, you know, a lot of times are different when you get home, Um, therapy, first responders, they see the wildest stuff, you know, they deal with some crazy stuff and then they got to go home to their families.

01:01:46:04 – 01:02:06:08
David Scofield
And, you know, it’s hard for them. But, you know, there’s probably some distancing and stuff with family and whatnot. So it lets their family come out as well. And let’s people let’s let’s the families connect and do something fun together and just kind of provides the vehicle for them to do that.

01:02:06:08 – 01:02:08:07
Brad Singletary
So you are a veteran yourself?

01:02:08:17 – 01:02:09:13
David Scofield
Yeah. Yeah.

01:02:10:11 – 01:02:17:29
Brad Singletary
I had the hardest time getting information about that, but I’m curious, so you served in the Air Force? Yep. And you went overseas. You?

01:02:18:28 – 01:02:51:00
David Scofield
Yeah, I did. Um, I did a year, uh, in Korea. Um, and then, uh, let’s see, I was in, I was in Phenix, and then I went to Korea for a year, and then I was at Moody Air Force Base in Georgia, where I had the chance to deploy with the combat search and rescue guys. I’m not half as bad ass as any of those guys, but I was.

01:02:51:00 – 01:03:03:20
David Scofield
I got to go with them in support of them. Um, and so, yeah, deployed to Afghanistan and uh, had some wild experiences out there.

01:03:03:20 – 01:03:09:13
Brad Singletary
And what year was that like, where was that in terms of the whole war and everything? What about what you.

01:03:09:13 – 01:03:15:13
David Scofield
Were that I was in Afghanistan in 2011. Wow.

01:03:16:19 – 01:03:24:12
Brad Singletary
So you were just young if you’re 34 now, that was like 12 years ago. You were pretty young, pretty young guy at that point.

01:03:24:17 – 01:03:31:06
David Scofield
Yeah, I think I was for 21, 22, 22, maybe 23.

01:03:31:07 – 01:03:35:14
Brad Singletary
Would you would you recommend the military? I mean, if a young man is interested and would you.

01:03:36:28 – 01:03:37:02
David Scofield
You.

01:03:37:02 – 01:03:40:28
Brad Singletary
Can’t see this because we’re not filming it, but his eyes just got really big and.

01:03:41:13 – 01:04:00:19
David Scofield
Oh man, I think it’s I what you need to understand about the military is that it’s not, uh, it’s not a job. This is. It’s the military is a life. And that’s a hard thing for a lot of people. It was hard for me.

01:04:00:19 – 01:04:07:19
Brad Singletary
You’ve got responsibilities. Even when you’re not like, on the job. You it it’s. It’s all day and night for years of your life.

01:04:07:25 – 01:04:36:14
David Scofield
Yeah. And they move you wherever they want. And. And you know, you’re, you’re, you’re a tool for the, for the government. So it’s, I mean if you understand that and you want to go do it and you want to, you know, go fight for freedom or, you know, whatever have you, a lot of guys I remember just joined so that they could get the benefits, you know, and that’s another thing.

01:04:36:14 – 01:05:18:18
David Scofield
Sure. Um, I would only recommend the military to certain kinds of people. And if I do recommend the military to anybody, I definitely recommend the Air Force. Um, just being in it. I know everybody talks shit about the Air Force because you call Air Force the Air Force. Um, but the reality was that being in the Air Force, you are treated better than the Army guys were treated or the Marines were treated and, um, as far as military goes, like we had been in the Air Force, you’ve got it pretty cut.

01:05:19:12 – 01:05:38:25
David Scofield
And so if you want to go, do it. Smart and join the military, then you want to join the Air Force. If anything, I think unless you want to. I don’t know. That totally depends on somebody wants, you know, what do they want to go after? So he wants to go be an infantryman. And you know, you’re going to you’re going to fucking go through it.

01:05:38:25 – 01:05:42:21
David Scofield
But yeah, if that’s what you want to do send it, I.

01:05:43:07 – 01:05:51:28
Brad Singletary
I saw you on one of the pictures there. You’re like laying on top of this huge, like bomb or something. I was just like, Oh, I bet that wasn’t authorized.

01:05:51:28 – 01:05:55:01
David Scofield
Yeah, Yeah, that was when planking was.

01:05:55:14 – 01:05:57:15
Brad Singletary
Oh, yeah, that’s what it was all about.

01:05:57:20 – 01:06:03:05
David Scofield
Planking on stuff. Yeah. So I just laid on a is a big practice. Bones. Uh.

01:06:04:06 – 01:06:26:01
Brad Singletary
So military veteran you care about, you know, the mental health of first responders and veterans were instrumental in creating this Heroes on the water. You also did something this year that was super cool. And I want to know how you how this came about. This car show. So this was like an assisted living facility or something. And you arranged like this car parade.

01:06:26:01 – 01:06:44:09
Brad Singletary
And there’s one of the pictures in there where there’s all these guys wheelchairs. You know, these guys look like they’re, you know, 80, 90 years old or something. And they’re sort of waving at the at the the shovels and the mustangs driving by or whatever they were. And what how did that come to be?

01:06:44:21 – 01:07:16:06
David Scofield
That was that was super cool. I’m glad I got to do that. And we actually are doing a, uh, a men’s group at that assisted living. How are you freaking serious as well? So we’ll do a monthly we’re doing a monthly men’s group there. So the guys so that came about because, um, I’m going to sound kind of silly, but I was, I was listening to a podcast and it was Gary, it was Gary Vee.

01:07:16:06 – 01:07:48:11
David Scofield
I was listening to a Gary Vee podcast and he mentioned, um, go volunteer at a retirement, a retirement home or assisted living home or something along those lines. Go volunteer there and experience and people that are very aware that they’re at the end of their life. That’s the harsh reality of it. You know, that’s they know that, right?

01:07:48:14 – 01:08:12:28
David Scofield
We all know that. Um, a good experience. People that are, that are at that stage in life and and you can you can gain a lot from that you learn lessons from those people and and because they they just have so much more experience in life than we do or than I do right now. You know I’ve got my 30 years compared to their 8590.

01:08:13:21 – 01:08:46:09
David Scofield
So that’s why I seek it out. I was like, okay, yeah, sure, I’ll go, Why not? Um, and I got a hold of a place is assisted living. So there’s differences, right, between retirement homes and assisted living homes. And then there’s other stuff too, that are a lot more intense. So assisted living homes are for people that cannot get through their day without some sort of help.

01:08:46:17 – 01:08:54:12
David Scofield
Mm hmm. And then you have more intense stuff where, like, everybody’s got dementia and stuff, like the.

01:08:54:12 – 01:08:57:25
Brad Singletary
Nursing home is missing or way more severe cases.

01:08:57:25 – 01:09:00:13
David Scofield
But right. So this is kind of a in between.

01:09:01:08 – 01:09:03:17
Brad Singletary
Yeah, it looks like an apartment, kind of almost or something.

01:09:03:17 – 01:09:29:26
David Scofield
Yeah, they’ve got like dorms and, and whatnot. But so in going they’re talking to their, um, director, their activities director talking to her. And this was before Father’s Day or something. It was, it was the month before Father’s Day. And she asked me if I had any idea. She’s like, Look, I’m a I’m a, you know, I, I like to do activities and whatnot.

01:09:29:26 – 01:10:19:22
David Scofield
And this is this is my job. So I do. But it’s hard for me to think about stuff for for the guys, for the men. Like, do you have any ideas for these guys? And that’s how it all kind of came to be. I went down there to go talk about times that I could call bingo numbers and it turned into, okay, yeah, let me think of some cool ideas and activities, activities that were more focused on the more focused on the men in in the home, because so through that and talking to some of the people that are there, some of the men that are there, you learn that these guys have done like

01:10:19:25 – 01:10:50:01
David Scofield
it an 80 year old, you know, 85 year old man was around in World War two. And like, I’m I’m talking to guys in this home that are that there’s this one guy that will just forever be in my head, just happy as hell, a real cool dude and real energetic. And he, uh, he was a he was a dive bomber in World War Two.

01:10:50:02 – 01:11:22:11
David Scofield
This man was just dive bombing Nazi ships and the guys here have done really bad stuff. They’ve all done really cool. Like they’ve had a lot of cool life experience and they’ve now they’re in this assisted living home where, like, you know, they can go to a Walmart and like peruse around Walmart once a week and they have like bingo nights and paint nights and, and stuff like this.

01:11:22:11 – 01:11:34:27
David Scofield
And, um, so when she asked me about ideas for men, you know, that got me thinking about, well, what would be it was something I want to do because they’re, they’re no different. Right right.

01:11:34:29 – 01:11:35:26
Brad Singletary
They were all the same.

01:11:35:26 – 01:12:01:15
David Scofield
Shit And I have like, let’s give them, let’s think of something cool for them to experience, to do. So that’s the, the car show thing came up through that and, uh, yeah, I don’t know. Just brought it up to her and I actually brought it up to the Alpha Forum Group. A bunch of the guys in the group came up with some other ideas that we’re going to, you know, that we’ll do for the men’s group.

01:12:02:00 – 01:12:26:18
David Scofield
Um, but it was that was, that was a real cool thing to put together and, and I guess resourcefulness and relationships really came into play with that because I just reached out to anybody. I knew that because I never put on a car show. I don’t know, like I’m not even a huge car guy, like, I like, I love cars, trucks, all that stuff.

01:12:26:18 – 01:12:55:00
David Scofield
But if, if, uh, I don’t know, some classic car drives in front of me, I can name like four or five, you know, but I probably won’t know the year, you know. So just reaching out to people and, and got that, uh, and it was a bunch of people wanting to volunteer their time to, uh, go hang out in a parking lot because it’s really all a car show is, it’s just like, let’s all get our cars together and talk.

01:12:55:10 – 01:13:12:22
David Scofield
And what better thing for a, for a assisted living home to go see all these cars that you, um, Grandma probably did some wild stuff with grandpa in the back of one of those cars, too, You know, just bring some fun memories.

01:13:12:22 – 01:13:19:03
Brad Singletary
These were the hot rods when they were young and stuff. Yeah. That’s so awesome. So how many cars is the end up having there? And do you remember how many?

01:13:19:06 – 01:13:29:23
David Scofield
Oh, I don’t even know. Probably probably somewhere around 20, 30 cars.

01:13:29:23 – 01:13:58:14
Brad Singletary
Dude, that is so cool. So see that I you as you’re talking, I’m remembering something that Taco Mike said I forget what what episode but he but he basically said if you’re not leading out and doing something awesome, you’re missing out. You’re missing out on opportunity. You’re missing out on like, blessing other people’s lives. And here you you’re arranging and helping helping this thing come together because you listen to a podcast, you’re looking for things.

01:13:58:14 – 01:14:16:01
Brad Singletary
You’re looking for inspiration out there. You’re trying to you’re trying to learn about life. Someone suggests it. Go spend time with people that are at the end of their life. And you said, okay, sounds cool. I’ll do. I think that could do for me. So you go out there and you end up spending all this energy and effort to take care of someone else.

01:14:16:13 – 01:14:45:11
Brad Singletary
So not only was this good for the old man and the wheelchairs and then this facility this is good for the people who have the cars. You’ve got 20 or 30 people now. They’re invested in sacrificing time and they probably loved it because they like to show off their, you know, their hotrod, Ford, whatever. And they get to come there and maybe meet with some of their friends and people that they know, the people in the facility, you know, the staff members kind of get a little break maybe because you’re out there kind of handling them for a while.

01:14:45:19 – 01:14:56:02
Brad Singletary
Now that’s turned into something else. Oh, I remember when we announced your Man of the Year award, someone on the Facebook group said he works with you out there. Yeah. Nathan Something, I think. Nathan.

01:14:56:02 – 01:15:04:07
David Scofield
Nathan. Uh, man, I got to feel like a jerk. I think it is. Nathan. Jay Sort of the Jay Forgive me.

01:15:04:07 – 01:15:05:27
Brad Singletary
Jacobson Or something like that, or.

01:15:06:22 – 01:15:32:27
David Scofield
I believe so. Jackson Jason Don’t know. Sorry, man. I know he was. He was super cool. He reached out to me and asked if there’s any way he could help and and so he came out and he helped me with he was actually super cool because I was running all over the place and, you know, and talking to people and like, trying to park people and then trying to get people outside.

01:15:32:27 – 01:15:53:12
David Scofield
And, you know, I was all over the place talking with the director and yada, yada and. He was he was really is super cool to watch because he would go and like someone in a wheelchair, you know, he’d go grab a wheelchair and okay, you know what? What kind of cars out here do you remember? What do you what do you like to see?

01:15:53:12 – 01:16:06:27
David Scofield
What do you want to go check out or whatever it will somebody around chat with them, take pictures with them, forum yada, yada, and then bring them back inside and grab somebody else. And this is super cool to see that. Yeah.

01:16:06:28 – 01:16:11:03
Brad Singletary
Oh, that’s great, man. That’s just, you know.

01:16:12:11 – 01:16:12:17
David Scofield
It.

01:16:13:12 – 01:16:46:25
Brad Singletary
Even before this year. It sounds like you were the type of man who’s just, you know, really worthy of recognition. You’re always just taking care of people, really putting yourself maybe last. I mean, I know it’s it’s it, you know, you’re okay to take a week off work and go out of state with the family and, you know, do some fun things that you enjoy and you don’t mind, you know, spend a little money on yourself, have a have a good time and kind of entertain your wife and and get out there and and enjoy life with so much of your time.

01:16:46:25 – 01:17:07:23
Brad Singletary
Is focused on other people, I’m just convinced that like selflessness and service, that is what’s missing in a lot of men’s lives. Know we’re so self-absorbed, we can think ourselves a victim. We can think, poor me, look at all this stuff that’s happening. Look at what the government is doing. Look at the taxes I have to pay. Look at all this garbage that’s going on.

01:17:07:23 – 01:17:36:04
Brad Singletary
Look at all this political shit. Look at you know how my way is treating me. Look at how my wife isn’t coming through for me. Look at look at all these things. We’ve not talked about any of that. We’re talking about you making decisions, taking action, removing obstacles, work, you know, making incremental improvements. You went from car show to now a recurring men’s group at a place where the men are dying.

01:17:36:04 – 01:17:38:20
Brad Singletary
We’re all we’re all we’re all headed that way anyway.

01:17:39:03 – 01:17:39:13
David Scofield
Right.

01:17:40:04 – 01:17:54:04
Brad Singletary
My man? You’ve got like, you know, you’re 34. Let’s say you’ve got 60 years left. What else you want to do, man? What else? What other kinds of things do you want in your future? And and we’ll wrap this up here.

01:17:54:04 – 01:18:23:22
David Scofield
Um, I don’t know. I, uh. I think I. I just kind of want to continue on the path I’m on and kind of see where it takes me. I guess I’m not. I don’t want to get too wrapped up in the could bes and maybes and in the future. And I really just want to focus on now, you know, that’s great.

01:18:24:02 – 01:18:47:23
Brad Singletary
I’m that kind of person that I can get too carried away with some ideal or some, you know, fantasy thing that I want to do or accomplish and and not live enough in the here and now and in the present. And you’ve just shown that you have this incredible I know you’re not perfect. I know there are things that you probably wouldn’t want people to know about in your life.

01:18:47:23 – 01:19:10:03
Brad Singletary
You know, things that might be embarrassing, things you’re working on, things you’re always trying to improve, but damn, you’re doing good in the world. You know, people that know you the best, they just. They love you to death. You’re just a good, good man. We talk about, you know, an alpha No one really is is an identified alpha.

01:19:10:13 – 01:19:54:04
Brad Singletary
You do alpha. You know, when you’re arranging a big party for old men, that’s some alpha shit. You know, when you’re putting together a nonprofit and organizing an organization here for veterans and people that need healing, and you’re taking people that have never faced much out onto the water, helping them have an experience. You know, when you’re dressing up in a unicorn costume with your daughters, when you are slack lighting or high lighting, when you’re, you know, enjoying music at a festival, um, you’ve done wild and crazy things, too.

01:19:54:14 – 01:20:17:25
Brad Singletary
Those are just alpha moments that you’re just accumulating and you’re just taking advantage of opportunities. We talk about attitude, actions and attributes, and I think the attributes kind of come as a result of attitude and your actions. And what I’ve seen from you, man, I’ve known you for a few years now. What I’ve seen from that is just that it’s just stellar in every way.

01:20:17:25 – 01:20:39:25
Brad Singletary
I’ve been inspired by you. I’ve learned from you. You’re creating a little ripples out there that are just never ending. It’s just never going to end. You’re putting together, you’re putting together that strength, other people’s lives. And I’m just very, very proud to know you. It makes me want to be better. You’re like way younger than me, way better looking.

01:20:39:25 – 01:21:09:06
Brad Singletary
It’s inspiring. It’s inspiring to just to know somebody who’s getting after it. But you’re not all about you’re not even really all about. You’re not you’re not showing off. This is just you understanding the thing about being that we’re all the same, that we’re carrying something inside us. All that is that’s from the same place. It’s from the same material.

01:21:09:06 – 01:21:28:01
Brad Singletary
It’s the same substance exists in all of us. And that’s why you can help the old, you know, the old retired man. That’s why you can, you know, sacrifice some of your time, Just give so much. So in just a small, silly token of appreciation, we’ve got a little bit of swag here for you. A t shirt, a hat.

01:21:28:27 – 01:21:50:27
Brad Singletary
We’ve got this awesome little trophy sort of award. I want to pull it out of this and show you to it is kind of fragile. I dropped when Taco Mike won this, I dropped it and it cracks easy. So you just got to be careful with it. Put it up somewhere safe. But Man of the Year 2022. David Schofield That thing is, I love the look of that.

01:21:50:27 – 01:21:51:15
Brad Singletary
It just kind of.

01:21:51:29 – 01:21:52:23
David Scofield
Yeah, that’s awesome.

01:21:52:23 – 01:22:12:14
Brad Singletary
It just it’s just black. I’ll put a picture of it up. It’s a little black kind of black thing that he’s got his name engraved in there and then some of the African imagery and, and then this, this had this is one of my favorite new designs here is no excuses alpha up. Yeah. And it’s and even if it’s upside down, it’s the same thing.

01:22:12:20 – 01:22:13:25
David Scofield
Oh, yeah, that’s cool.

01:22:14:23 – 01:22:18:08
Brad Singletary
So if you ever get flipped over in your ATV, either.

01:22:18:10 – 01:22:18:16
David Scofield
You.

01:22:20:20 – 01:22:41:09
Brad Singletary
Don’t know what you represent, dude. Davis, Scofield, man, appreciate his go. You’re just a hell of a man. Somebody that inspires me. I really appreciate you coming down after a long week. A long drive yesterday, helping a friend out earlier. Getting here right on time. Just reliable, as always. And I’m just. I feel like my life is better because I’m associated with you.

01:22:41:09 – 01:22:42:19
Brad Singletary
So I really appreciate you, dude.

01:22:42:19 – 01:23:14:09
David Scofield
I appreciate it. And then honestly, the same goes for you. Goes for goes for a lot of this group. But yeah, I’ve I’ve learned a lot, a lot from you and I don’t know that I wouldn’t be where I’m at, honestly, without you, Mike and a lot of the other guys in this group, and I do want to I do want to recognize that most of the guys in our group probably deserve this.

01:23:14:09 – 01:23:36:14
David Scofield
I don’t, I don’t feel like I deserve this award or this recognition or whatever more than anybody else. I think that I think a lot of people deserve it. And equally, I’m proud of a lot of people out there and I don’t know and grateful for for the example that everybody else has set.

01:23:36:20 – 01:23:57:23
Brad Singletary
So I forgot to mention before that SCO also had a podcast before, and that was kind of inspirational to me too, to meet him. And we talked early on I mean, years ago, I mean, three or four years ago, it was about some of the little tips and things. And he’s you know, we talked about sound quality and a lot of things that he had worked out that I hadn’t.

01:23:57:23 – 01:24:15:22
Brad Singletary
And I believe that we’re going to have you on here a whole lot more. And I hope I wish you didn’t live on the other side of the planet from me down here in Henderson. But I’m looking forward to just continuing to learn from you, man, and just see what see how, you know, we can help each other and help other men.

01:24:15:22 – 01:24:38:19
Brad Singletary
So I really appreciate it. You guys, when you have an opportunity to show some love, when you have an opportunity to give and to serve and to be engaged and have a good attitude, take advantage of it. People are going to notice you’re going to have an opportunity to create never ending cycles of good, because can influence your own children.

01:24:38:19 – 01:24:49:14
Brad Singletary
You can influence your wife, be influenced by her people, you work with people around you. So follow the example of David Schofield and have no excuses. Alpha up.

01:24:50:23 – 01:25:02:08
Intro/Outro
Gentlemen, you are the alpha and this is the alpha quorum.

 

Click your podcast platform below or listen to the embedded file on this page.

098: CLEAN FREAK – How to Seize Opportunity (with Ramsey Venner)

098: CLEAN FREAK – How to Seize Opportunity (with Ramsey Venner)

098: CLEAN FREAK – How to Seize Opportunity (with Ramsey Venner)

My guest today is the son of a Colombian immigrant. He lettered in basketball and football at Fresno State University where he was given a full-ride athletic scholarship. He began to get in trouble with the law and spent 9 years in prison for DUIs. In prison, he learned that he was the master of his own attitude and actions. He learned multiple languages and learned how to play the piano.

 

Through his involvement with AA, he has remained sober and turned his life around. He obtained a college degree in business management and now owns three businesses in the Las Vegas area and he is approaching one million dollars in annual sales. He has mastered the art of attitude and is taking actions that help him heal his life and continue living as a devoted family man. He is the father of six children and is the head coach of a 6u tackle football team.

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT
00:00:00:10 – 00:00:02:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Risky move

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:00:18
Ramsey Venner
Rain in a church.

00:00:00:26 – 00:00:01:25
Brad Singletary
How did you meet the pastor?

00:00:02:10 – 00:00:04:14
Ramsey Venner
He was a client at the beach house.

00:00:04:14 – 00:00:05:07
Brad Singletary
Okay.

00:00:06:02 – 00:00:07:14
Ramsey Venner
I was. I waited on his table.

00:00:08:09 – 00:00:28:04
Brad Singletary
See this? This whole story, man. This whole thing is about opportunity. Yeah. You’re coming out of prison. You’re trying to work. You know you want more. You’re just talking to the guy. Probably being a good waiter, just having friendly conversation. He’s a pastor. Invited you to church. You go there. Rolling your eyes. Maybe not trying to go to church, but you do.

00:00:28:12 – 00:00:28:21
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:00:28:22 – 00:00:30:11
Brad Singletary
And then he gives you an opportunity.

00:00:30:13 – 00:00:30:23
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:00:30:24 – 00:00:34:06
Brad Singletary
And then you capitalize on that. So where did it go from there? Where is your business now?

00:00:34:17 – 00:00:57:24
Ramsey Venner
And we just celebrated our fourth year anniversary. We are up to 17 employees. I’m on my second office. We have bands now that go all over the city, a 24 hour operation. We do residential cleaning and we do residential, commercial and post-construction cleaning. To date, I haven’t spent a dollar on marketing or advertising, and we’re approaching $1,000,000 a year in sales, dude.

00:00:58:11 – 00:01:22:28
Intro
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, but man, that is always in the pursuit of being better. You are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

00:01:26:05 – 00:01:44:06
Brad Singletary
Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show, Brad Singletary here. I’m super excited about our guest today. I want to tell you a little bit about him. First of all, he’s 43 years old. He owns three businesses here in Las Vegas. He’s a father of six children. He’s the head coach of a six and under tackle football team.

00:01:45:15 – 00:02:08:03
Brad Singletary
He has a college degree in business administration, lettered in football and basketball at Fresno State University. Out of high school, he got a full ride offer between college and when he started his businesses. He spent nine years in prison. We’re going to talk about his journey and the ways that he’s turned himself around. These are the best kind of stories.

00:02:08:03 – 00:02:29:00
Brad Singletary
This is the best kind of man that I know, 43 year old dad who’s just out there getting it done, making big things happen in business, has a beautiful wife, a beautiful family working on a beautiful business. It’s multiple businesses that these guys are operating. We’re going to have him share some of that with us. Gentlemen, please welcome Ramsey Venter.

00:02:29:14 – 00:02:31:00
Ramsey Venner
To serve in the building.

00:02:31:15 – 00:02:33:00
Brad Singletary
Dude, good to have you here.

00:02:33:00 – 00:02:40:09
Ramsey Venner
Good man. This is a pleasure. It’s a pleasure. It’s a blessing. Thanks for the opportunity. And, yeah, man, I’m. I’m. I’m ready to get into it.

00:02:40:10 – 00:02:48:08
Brad Singletary
We’ll get it. We’ll get a picture. They’ll have a view of you from the from the little cover graphic. But, dude, how tall are you?

00:02:48:08 – 00:03:00:18
Ramsey Venner
I’m six, six one. I was in plan weight. I think I was like 285 to 90. If I stay away from the donuts, I can get it like a slim to 76.

00:03:00:18 – 00:03:04:15
Ramsey Venner
And I’m you know so as we go.

00:03:04:19 – 00:03:08:27
Brad Singletary
So Fresno State play football at Fresno State. Derek Carr went to Fresno State.

00:03:08:27 – 00:03:29:06
Ramsey Venner
Right, sir? I play with the car. I play with Michael Pittman. I play with a lot of dudes, man. Bernard Berrien, Charles Smith, Anthony Lambrecht, man. I just the list goes on to some some real solid cars, guys, that made a lot of noise in the NFL. And just, you know, a lot of us are still brothers today.

00:03:29:16 – 00:03:56:20
Ramsey Venner
That’s a mars and still my brother, man, we chop it up on a on a regular he’s actually pushing a really good program up in the bay are like I think Stockton California type area and he’s a defensive coordinator or DB coach for Key Central Coast or something like that. I’m not sure. But yeah man, I got a solid, solid crew around me and you know, I come from a pedigree of of amazing, amazing people, man.

00:03:56:22 – 00:04:01:15
Ramsey Venner
Pat Hill was my coach at Fresno State. I even played under Coach Jerry Tarkanian.

00:04:01:19 – 00:04:02:09
Ramsey Venner
Wow.

00:04:02:10 – 00:04:06:14
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. I walked onto the basketball team.

00:04:07:02 – 00:04:20:07
Brad Singletary
So in in your coaching, we talked a little bit before the show. You’re coaching your son’s six year old football team, the Henderson Cowboys. My son was on that team in the six you team and they won the national championship.

00:04:20:07 – 00:04:21:22
Ramsey Venner
In the championship?

00:04:21:29 – 00:04:28:02
Brad Singletary
Yeah. They were down in San Diego all weekend tournament and yeah, he got a ring and everything. Man, it was pretty that, that.

00:04:28:11 – 00:04:30:01
Ramsey Venner
That’s big shoes to fill, but it’s.

00:04:30:01 – 00:04:34:23
Brad Singletary
An elite team that was like, what, eight years ago now? So yeah, now good times. That stuff is fun.

00:04:35:00 – 00:04:53:05
Ramsey Venner
Listen, I went out there trying to do, you know, just the game silo involved. And the idea was, you know, I was going to but I’m just not a sideline dude. And I sat out there and I was watching the coaches and like, you know, kind of seeing him lose his way. He started playing with bugs in grass, and I’m like.

00:04:53:12 – 00:04:53:21
Ramsey Venner
I got.

00:04:53:21 – 00:05:16:15
Ramsey Venner
To get my dude involved. So, you know, I volunteered to coach on a seven year team because they had all as soon as I got out there and the director of our program saw that, you know, I had a little taste for trying to do something more with the kids. He was like, Yeah, so we’re going to start up at six. You and you are going to be the color coach. And I was like damn it.

00:05:16:22 – 00:05:20:02
Brad Singletary
I bet they love it. I bet you’re good at it. I mean, how you doing this year? How you started.

00:05:20:02 – 00:05:50:16
Ramsey Venner
Playing the first game yesterday? And we, we, we, we took on the first one, but it gave us a lot to work with when I’ve never been a head coach before and learning the rules, you know, it’s eight on eight. Yeah. That the key the other team we were trying to, you know, respect the rules of football and we’re going to have, you know, our linebackers stand back and play their position. And these dudes lined up six people on the line and blitzed every play. And I was like, That ain’t football. But yeah, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so we’re going to get it right.

00:05:51:05 – 00:05:59:13
Brad Singletary
So you went to college, played some ball, both football and basketball at Fresno State. You’re you’re running three businesses now. Tell us about those.

00:06:00:04 – 00:06:20:01
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. So, man, 2018, I came to Las Vegas and you know, it was a long, bumpy road. I lived in Reno before that and I was getting in trouble in Reno. And now for transparency, I went to prison a bunch of times for, you know, DUIs. And this I was trying to find my way. And I couldn’t I couldn’t get it right.

00:06:20:01 – 00:07:14:27
Ramsey Venner
I couldn’t last one of the things I joke about with my wife now is that I used to always just listen. If I could get through the summer. If I could get through the summer, then you know it’s going to be all good. Right? And that’s how low the ceiling was for me for a minute. Boy, like all I just wanted to do is if I could just get through one summer of just, you know, not being a knucklehead, then that’s going to be a good summer for me. Or it might be a good year, really. That’s that was, by my calculation, I’m so 2018. I came to Las Vegas. I was tired of getting in trouble in Reno. I put my my head down. I started as a server for Kings Fish House right here in Henderson. I worked at Kings Beach House as a server, working my way up to a trainer, got promoted into management. It was actually my first management job and the entire time, I mean, like this was coming off of a seven year skid.

00:07:14:27 – 00:08:26:14
Ramsey Venner
Well, like I was away for a minute, right and got into the world. And I just say, you know, with that being my life previous, anything outside of that I’ll take it. I didn’t care about how long I worked. I didn’t care about how much I made really. I didn’t I was just like anything to not be, you know, in that box, in that situation, in that, you know, eight by ten room with another grown man like that’s going to be a better life for me. And legit man. I just, I poured into the job. I let them pour into me. They gave me, you know, so much insight and understanding about how to be you know, in a position of leadership and how to, you know, work with people and manage schedules and like, I just was like I so everything I could in I started my first business going for janitorial. June 18th, 2018, like about six months out, I was just so eager to be in business for myself, you know, it was a side hustle, but I was like, I know if I came, I could just keep at it.

00:08:26:14 – 00:08:42:22
Ramsey Venner
If I could just keep at it, it’s going to be all right. It’s just I need to start something. And and we started out doing a couple of residential spots up here in Henderson, and the guy had like three real, real nice houses, five, six bedroom houses over there off of Warm Springs and but he had house packed and we’re all of the different people that lived in there.

00:08:49:04 – 00:08:50:13
Ramsey Venner
Didn’t know any of the other people.

00:08:50:27 – 00:08:52:23
Brad Singletary
All like separate units in there.

00:08:52:23 – 00:09:07:12
Ramsey Venner
So yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was like it’s just bedrooms. So basically we took that and turned it into, you know, he wanted me to do two common areas and my only request was I think at first I didn’t know how to bid. I didn’t know how much work was involved. I didn’t know if it was going to be a good look.

00:09:07:22 – 00:09:23:17
Ramsey Venner
I just said, Listen, can you put the name clean for janitorial? Lemme check. So I cared about bro, send the checks and a check to the company. And he was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he’s getting over on me. I mean, I’m telling you, I did.

00:09:24:17 – 00:09:25:19
Brad Singletary
You got took, bro.

00:09:25:19 – 00:09:26:29
Ramsey Venner
I got I got sick for a while.

00:09:26:29 – 00:09:33:20
Ramsey Venner
Right, right. And I used to get dude, I mean, the trash would be stacked up to trash cans because everybody’s walking by each other.

00:09:33:20 – 00:09:48:21
Ramsey Venner
They don’t know each other in the house like you in a regular family is a dynamic way. We’re not going to leave the house looking like this or, you know, if everybody’s nasty in a family, that’s the family. But like, usually if there’s a mom, there’s a dad or somebody saying, don’t leave the house, like just pick up your clothes.

00:09:48:29 – 00:09:58:07
Ramsey Venner
There was none of that in this place, right? So there’s some people maybe smoking weed in the living room. Some people, you know what I mean? Trash in the bathroom is a female. That’s a stripper.

00:09:58:07 – 00:10:02:15
Ramsey Venner
It is a it was sure it was a situation.

00:10:02:15 – 00:10:05:10
Brad Singletary
Where you doing the in the beginning you’re doing the clean every day.

00:10:05:23 – 00:10:22:22
Ramsey Venner
You know, I showed up in this house and, you know, put my gloves on and I’m cleaning common areas like sweep, mop restrooms, the worst of the worst. Right. And taking out the trash, cleaning the kids and getting a greasy stove. Everything blow out the microwave, everything. Didn’t care. And this is after.

00:10:22:22 – 00:10:29:06
Ramsey Venner
Doing a six, seven, eight hour day working. Then after I got promoted to manager, a 14 hour.

00:10:29:06 – 00:10:30:18
Ramsey Venner
Day working and then.

00:10:30:21 – 00:10:38:01
Brad Singletary
Oh, you working at the fish house. Yeah. For a full time job. Yeah. And then you run in this little business. Of course. Now you clean up people’s bathrooms at night.

00:10:38:22 – 00:10:44:20
Ramsey Venner
Bro, like, or somebody in the morning early or Sunday morning early. Yeah, whatever it took and.

00:10:46:01 – 00:11:00:07
Ramsey Venner
Just started talking to my clients while I was there. I was talking my, you know, anybody I could and I was telling them about, you know, my, my, my dream to start another, another business or this little small business that I got going. I don’t know how to get clients, but, you know, look, this is this is what we could do for a year.

00:11:00:08 – 00:11:19:11
Ramsey Venner
This is what I want to do, you know, give us a shot, give me an opportunity. And I got a couple of, like the regular clients that I had. They gave me that side. And I ended up talking to senior pastor Vance Pittman from Hope Church. Great guy, my brother. To this day, I’m talking about my my legit like I feel we’re kindred spirits like me.

00:11:19:11 – 00:11:23:21
Ramsey Venner
And you bro. Like I say, same same vibe where I met him.

00:11:24:13 – 00:11:27:20
Ramsey Venner
You know, totally. Like, it just was like. It was like good chemistry.

00:11:27:21 – 00:11:28:00
Ramsey Venner
Mm.

00:11:28:11 – 00:11:39:03
Ramsey Venner
He’s got a beautiful family. I didn’t even know how big of a dude like. Like in relation to who he was, right? It just he was like, yeah, I’m a part of a church. And I was like, Oh, damn.

00:11:39:03 – 00:11:39:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s good, bro.

00:11:39:26 – 00:11:40:28
Ramsey Venner
And like, you know.

00:11:40:28 – 00:11:52:15
Ramsey Venner
Jesus was like, I met him before I heard him. I think there’s a book about him or something, you know, like this. I was giving it up for him in that regard.

00:11:52:15 – 00:11:54:05
Ramsey Venner
And then I talked to him. He was like, I’m.

00:11:55:09 – 00:11:56:15
Ramsey Venner
Well, look, man, you know.

00:11:57:01 – 00:12:06:29
Ramsey Venner
I said, maybe answer one. You got to come to church. I said, okay, but so I came down and checked by the church and, you know, he was like, How did you like service the next time I saw me? And I was like, it was dope. I was like, I.

00:12:07:13 – 00:12:08:23
Ramsey Venner
I know I’m, you know.

00:12:09:23 – 00:12:16:25
Ramsey Venner
All right. I’ll tell you, I’m like I did in Haiti, and that’s all I had. And he was like, I’m, I’m, I’m will probably introduce you to.

00:12:16:25 – 00:12:17:06
Ramsey Venner
Lou.

00:12:17:18 – 00:12:23:28
Ramsey Venner
Or our facilities guy over there and you know, I don’t know if anything is going to come of it. Just talk to him. So I met.

00:12:23:28 – 00:12:25:06
Ramsey Venner
Him, talked to him.

00:12:25:25 – 00:12:44:21
Ramsey Venner
And nothing happened from from right off but he was another guy vibed with real tough. And actually to this day he’s still my mentor and but you know, I met him, talked to him and, you know, told my my desire was to be in business for myself. And, you know, I didn’t have a family. And I have like I was dating a girl.

00:12:44:21 – 00:12:58:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s all I had. And he was like, Oh, I’m so this is a big job, man. You know what I mean? It’s not a small place. I require this and I require that. I said, Well, I got nothing else going on, man. So whatever you require, I’m a do it. And that was it, you know what I mean?

00:12:58:26 – 00:13:02:11
Ramsey Venner
I was like, That’s it. And that’s my attitude towards it. Like he’s like, killer. He was like, What.

00:13:02:11 – 00:13:03:06
Ramsey Venner
Are you will? You know.

00:13:03:06 – 00:13:20:10
Ramsey Venner
What about your other gig? I would say, I’ll handle it. That’s on me to worry about. If you give me the opportunity, I’m going to do whatever it is that you need. I am legit. It took about five months where I didn’t hear anything. I kept calling, I kept checking back and I. Yeah, we haven’t done anything. We haven’t decided.

00:13:20:10 – 00:13:33:03
Ramsey Venner
I’m gonna give this guy a chance. And I’m, you know, the express that he was having some kind of bouts with this current provider. But as I’ve gotten in the business, I learned is something that, you know, happens. You take your eyes off the ball, take your eyes off the prize, and you know.

00:13:33:11 – 00:13:34:15
Ramsey Venner
It can get where.

00:13:34:24 – 00:13:37:04
Ramsey Venner
Your clients are, wondering how important they are to you.

00:13:37:13 – 00:13:38:05
Ramsey Venner
Right? Yeah.

00:13:38:11 – 00:13:54:03
Ramsey Venner
So, yeah, that was going on. It took a bunch of months. I kept working at the first house, I started getting other little clients and then one day I got a call and he was like, Hey, so come on over here. I want to talk to you about something. And I was like, and listen.

00:13:54:17 – 00:13:55:13
Ramsey Venner
Today, you know, I.

00:13:55:13 – 00:14:23:03
Ramsey Venner
Made a couple like 100 bucks here, 100 bucks there, but it wasn’t like anything super significant. It was like I had a couple of people that were dialing my number on a regular and enough to where, you know, it even started interfering with work a little bit like I’m getting because now I’ve learned how to put out my ads or I’ve made up a little flier or something saying, you know, come check me out or we’re we’re doing a special for spring cleaning.

00:14:23:08 – 00:14:37:03
Ramsey Venner
Anything, you mean? Little thing that I can’t cause I’m trying to build my business. Anyway, at one point he was like, Yeah, come on over here and let’s talk about it. So I get over there and I talk to him and he’s like, you know, you think you can handle this? And I was like.

00:14:37:19 – 00:14:38:01
Ramsey Venner
Well.

00:14:39:10 – 00:14:56:07
Ramsey Venner
There’s nothing that’s going to stop me from giving you everything that I got if my best is not good enough. And that’s going to be the only thing because I’m gonna give you my best. And, you know, he basically told me that, you know, we’re going to give you the opportunity. Do you have your paperwork in place? And I need it, my insurance and my, you know, licenses.

00:14:56:16 – 00:15:01:16
Ramsey Venner
I had everything in place at this point. And yeah, that was like one of my first big ones. And to this.

00:15:01:16 – 00:15:03:19
Brad Singletary
Day, you appreciate that you’re cleaning the church.

00:15:03:24 – 00:15:06:15
Ramsey Venner
Brandon The church, dude. I mean, in the church.

00:15:06:16 – 00:15:07:19
Brad Singletary
Well, how did you meet the pastor?

00:15:08:02 – 00:15:10:17
Ramsey Venner
He was a he was a client at the first house.

00:15:10:17 – 00:15:11:01
Brad Singletary
Okay.

00:15:11:06 – 00:15:13:09
Ramsey Venner
So I was I waited on this table.

00:15:14:04 – 00:15:19:09
Brad Singletary
See this this whole story, man, I’m see, I can already see it shaping up. This whole thing is about opportunity.

00:15:19:14 – 00:15:20:07
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, you’re.

00:15:20:07 – 00:15:35:20
Brad Singletary
Coming out of prison, you’re trying to work. You know, you want more, you’re just talking to the guy. Probably being a good waiter, just having a friendly conversation. He’s a pastor, invited you to church. You go there, rolling your eyes, maybe not trying to go to church, but you do.

00:15:35:28 – 00:15:36:08
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:15:36:08 – 00:15:37:28
Brad Singletary
And then he gives you an opportunity.

00:15:37:28 – 00:15:38:10
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:15:38:11 – 00:15:42:24
Brad Singletary
And then you. And then you then capitalize on that. So where do you go from there? Where where’s your business now?

00:15:42:24 – 00:16:12:00
Ramsey Venner
This is I mean, we’re our fourth year and we just celebrated our fourth year anniversary. 2018 to 2000 is 22. Yeah, yeah. June 18th we celebrated our fourth year in business. We are up to 17 employees. I’m on my second office. We have vans now that go all over the city. We have a 24 hour operation. We do residential cleaning and we do residential, commercial and post-construction cleaning.

00:16:12:00 – 00:16:29:06
Ramsey Venner
We do like like if they go and build a building from the ground up, we’re the people that touch it last before they hand the keys over to the owners. Okay, so we do that. And then one of the things that I’m the most proud of, what it is allowed me to launch my third business, which is blueprints to janitorial success.

00:16:29:11 – 00:16:29:20
Ramsey Venner
Okay.

00:16:29:29 – 00:16:46:02
Ramsey Venner
Now, in those four years, every lesson that I’ve learned, every tape and trick on how to be the best, you know, playing service in the world, you know, reputation. I haven’t to date, I haven’t spent a dollar in marketing or advertising and we’re approaching $1,000,000 a year in sales.

00:16:46:05 – 00:16:49:14
Ramsey Venner
Dude, no. See this?

00:16:49:29 – 00:17:03:06
Brad Singletary
I mean, you got every excuse in the book. Yeah, you got every excuse in the book to just be super average, you know what I mean? Because I’m guessing with the legal background and stuff that makes that was was that a limiting factor with the jobs and stuff coming out?

00:17:04:10 – 00:17:08:24
Ramsey Venner
I mean, a lot of people say that, bro. So I, I don’t know, I.

00:17:08:24 – 00:17:15:27
Ramsey Venner
Just I never accept that as a reality. Right. Of course, you know, I just it just never was my reality. It just I’d.

00:17:15:27 – 00:17:16:15
Ramsey Venner
Never.

00:17:16:29 – 00:17:28:06
Ramsey Venner
I’m a felon. I’ve been a felon for a lot of years. I got jobs every opportunity that I was like from 2000. And I see I started getting in trouble in like 2000.

00:17:28:29 – 00:17:31:12
Brad Singletary
So you just ignored that whole notion.

00:17:31:24 – 00:17:32:10
Ramsey Venner
Why you.

00:17:32:10 – 00:17:32:27
Brad Singletary
Can’t do it?

00:17:33:27 – 00:17:34:22
Ramsey Venner
Well, why accept it?

00:17:34:23 – 00:17:40:20
Ramsey Venner
So tell me that. Why accept it? Why? I say because somebody told me that that’s what I am, that I have to accept that.

00:17:40:21 – 00:17:42:26
Ramsey Venner
Like why?

00:17:43:22 – 00:17:53:15
Ramsey Venner
Because if I accept that label, then I accept everything that comes with it. Oh, yeah, I’m a felon. I’m an ex-felon. I can’t get a job. I can’t be regular. I can’t do anything but continue to get in trouble with crime.

00:17:53:23 – 00:18:00:07
Ramsey Venner
Nah, that’s not how I want to live. I’ve been in a box. I didn’t like it. No, I didn’t like it. It wasn’t cool. Somebody telling me.

00:18:00:19 – 00:18:21:28
Ramsey Venner
You know, the word, the. The most emasculating thing about prison, bro. The most emasculating thing about prison. And as a man, I don’t know if it just is like the same or to deal, but they they try to break you down on day one when you’re there and you got to do the strip out, you know, because they take your clothes or whatever and they hand you somebody else’s underwear, bro.

00:18:22:19 – 00:18:28:25
Ramsey Venner
Somebody else’s. Like these are the underwear that you’re going to. We’re going forward. This is your uniform. This is your new outfit. You follow.

00:18:28:25 – 00:18:29:02
Ramsey Venner
Me.

00:18:29:02 – 00:18:29:19
Brad Singletary
Right?

00:18:30:27 – 00:18:35:21
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, it’ll touch you. Broke it does something to your spirit.

00:18:35:21 – 00:18:38:09
Brad Singletary
Like you don’t get to choose what kind of drowsy.

00:18:38:09 – 00:18:55:06
Ramsey Venner
We’re going to choose. You just don’t wear that. What would you mean? I don’t wear. Didn’t that earns you feel me like they gave me the bad man draws here bro put these on and this is what you or nothing right? They that touch.

00:18:55:06 – 00:18:56:22
Ramsey Venner
Me, bro. That too. And every.

00:18:56:22 – 00:18:57:20
Ramsey Venner
Time you go in here.

00:18:58:21 – 00:19:21:01
Ramsey Venner
Because I win a couple times, I wasn’t like I didn’t learn from it. Like I didn’t get serious time where I thought because it was a DUI, this isn’t that bad. This is, you know, a super serious thing. I’m not robbing people. I’m not out here being a criminal. Criminal? Yeah, I just I got caught drinking and driving, but I had a judge, Judge Brant Adams in the arena.

00:19:22:27 – 00:19:24:23
Ramsey Venner
Him and his prosecutor.

00:19:25:08 – 00:19:26:01
Ramsey Venner
They gave me.

00:19:26:19 – 00:19:34:17
Ramsey Venner
Bro. I remember when I got when I got the time, they changed my life, it making me emotional because it’s like.

00:19:35:16 – 00:19:37:03
Ramsey Venner
They hit me with a bar I had.

00:19:37:03 – 00:19:45:24
Ramsey Venner
Never, like, ever heard before, right? So my lawyer was a paid attorney and I thought I was in good hands and I was like, you know, he came.

00:19:46:17 – 00:19:49:17
Ramsey Venner
When he story came in in the little room before.

00:19:50:00 – 00:19:55:01
Ramsey Venner
Before I went out to get my sentencing. All right, I’m going to look. It’s all good. So we got.

00:19:55:01 – 00:19:55:10
Ramsey Venner
You.

00:19:55:22 – 00:20:08:24
Ramsey Venner
Home. We got all of your letters from your family, and we got all of the information that you gave us about a ten and a and we know that you’re working right now and we see that you’re trying hard. Listen, I’ve talked to the judge. I had previous dealings with him.

00:20:09:14 – 00:20:17:02
Ramsey Venner
This is not this was this a his daughter? Listen, we.

00:20:17:02 – 00:20:18:19
Ramsey Venner
Got relations outside of this.

00:20:18:28 – 00:20:20:24
Ramsey Venner
So he knows.

00:20:21:19 – 00:20:42:05
Ramsey Venner
If I back somebody, then he’s really a good dude. You know, maybe he said you’re going to be okay. Listen, I talked to him and I talked to the prosecutor. No, I went out there. This guy ran this whole thing about, yeah, Mr. Green is working. And, you know, it would be a super detriment to his family. I mean, he’s got a young daughter and right now and, you know, he was the guy that sent away.

00:20:42:05 – 00:20:44:10
Ramsey Venner
His daughter wouldn’t have the benefit.

00:20:44:10 – 00:20:59:10
Ramsey Venner
Of of growing up with her father. And she’s in the critical years of her life. And he lives so hard on that. That was a time his daughter had had some kind of a issue and the judge was there and supported him through his daughter’s issues. So he felt.

00:20:59:10 – 00:21:01:16
Ramsey Venner
Like why relating.

00:21:02:05 – 00:21:11:23
Ramsey Venner
My defense to my daughter, that would tender the judge to give me some kind of favor wherever his play was. Right, right, right.

00:21:11:23 – 00:21:17:25
Ramsey Venner
But he said that rested his case. And then then the D.A. stood up. He said.

00:21:19:12 – 00:21:24:13
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, we heard about Mr. Vinter and his daughter. And, you know how it’d be such a terrible.

00:21:24:13 – 00:21:30:18
Ramsey Venner
Thing when if he was to go away. And I just like to have you take.

00:21:30:18 – 00:21:48:00
Ramsey Venner
A look at Mr. Vendor. Mr. Brennan, if you don’t mind standing up. And I’m like, I stand up and he’s like, you know, like 66, 275, maybe the paperwork here says he’s like £280. You say, Your Honor.

00:21:48:17 – 00:21:49:24
Ramsey Venner
I would be a shame.

00:21:50:13 – 00:21:55:00
Ramsey Venner
If I was that big. And I tried to hide behind a little girl.

00:21:55:00 – 00:22:11:27
Ramsey Venner
I said, Bro, it went downhill with skis over me. Just let me have it, man. Is guy that it that I was the worst being sister you know what I mean? Like I’m talking about he’s.

00:22:11:27 – 00:22:28:14
Ramsey Venner
Like and here’s the he said the thing with DUIs, Your Honor, is that we don’t know who the vic and that kind of hit hard. Right. He was like, you know, if he was a robber, if he was a vic, you know what I mean? We’d have the person, you know, that could point out say he did this, you said.

00:22:28:14 – 00:22:37:14
Ramsey Venner
But when this guy makes the choice to get alcohol in his system and get behind, you know, a 20 £500 vehicle and drive crazy.

00:22:38:14 – 00:22:41:21
Ramsey Venner
We don’t know who he can hurt. We don’t know who he could kill. You don’t know who.

00:22:41:21 – 00:22:50:25
Ramsey Venner
You stared on the freeway. You know what I mean? That just because you were swerving and you did something bad. Yeah, I’m poor, my heart. Out to you right now, bro, because it’s like.

00:22:52:03 – 00:22:53:29
Ramsey Venner
That line.

00:22:55:14 – 00:23:03:06
Ramsey Venner
It resonated with. I thought about my parents, my mom, my dad, anything, my loved ones, you know.

00:23:03:07 – 00:23:04:27
Ramsey Venner
Even being in a life and out.

00:23:04:27 – 00:23:09:07
Ramsey Venner
There like you don’t think about it, somebody swerving and just.

00:23:09:13 – 00:23:11:26
Ramsey Venner
Pick a mass you and just wreck your life.

00:23:11:26 – 00:23:14:04
Ramsey Venner
Don’t wreck your.

00:23:14:04 – 00:23:19:24
Ramsey Venner
Life without you know, you have an anyway you’re not in the wrong and this thing happens to you.

00:23:19:24 – 00:23:27:25
Ramsey Venner
Because somebody else made bad choices. And when that happened to me, I said that whatever came with it and some came with it too.

00:23:28:03 – 00:23:36:27
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, he had in me time like it was sitting around by his jacket. Jimmy He gave me a 6 to 15 year sentence. Wow.

00:23:37:01 – 00:23:59:02
Ramsey Venner
No accident, no death. No person got hurt. This. I came in front of the same judge too many times. 6 to 15 years. He said, look, he said 75 to 120 months. That’s how to give you time. MARINO Right. To 120 months, bro. Like.

00:23:59:27 – 00:24:02:20
Ramsey Venner
I can’t even like I’m like, what are you.

00:24:02:20 – 00:24:05:00
Brad Singletary
Doing, man? You got to do some math for me.

00:24:05:00 – 00:24:11:15
Ramsey Venner
Wait, what is this guy talking to me, bro? Like, are you sick? So anyway, that happened. Well.

00:24:12:11 – 00:24:13:15
Ramsey Venner
Know what I mean?

00:24:13:16 – 00:24:21:21
Brad Singletary
I seems like even in that though, you had a decent attitude about it, like you’re saying, you just accepted whatever, whatever it was.

00:24:22:05 – 00:24:36:05
Ramsey Venner
Well, I mean, at that point, you know, I’ve seen the Court TV shows when you when you go jump over the fence and, you know, try to run up out of here, it was like that or. Yeah. And then so at this.

00:24:36:05 – 00:24:38:19
Ramsey Venner
Size, 62, 52, 70.

00:24:39:10 – 00:24:40:01
Ramsey Venner
I know me and.

00:24:40:01 – 00:24:43:14
Ramsey Venner
The police, if I ever fight them, it’s not going to.

00:24:43:14 – 00:24:44:25
Ramsey Venner
Be a good look for you, boy. Right?

00:24:44:25 – 00:25:05:02
Ramsey Venner
Right. They’re going to call all the cops there and it’s night. So I’ve always been respectful. Actually, my mom taught me that because she used to be a Harris County sheriff in West Palm Beach. Well, so always been respectful, always like had decent rapport. I understand he’s doing a job and if I wasn’t in the wrong myself, why would me in this do being constantly right?

00:25:05:10 – 00:25:26:17
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean? We’re only in conflict because I’m choosing to be a knucklehead on this day. So I never took that stance that, you know, I’m f the police or you know what I mean? Like, I mean, that’s the way it’s gotten now. That’s, that’s totally different. But like, as it related to my personal situation, I never felt like the cops were just the problem previously.

00:25:27:04 – 00:25:29:19
Ramsey Venner
Now, it’s a little crazy to what’s going on in the world right now.

00:25:30:19 – 00:25:53:18
Brad Singletary
I, you know, I started my career in behavioral health, working around like the justice, some of the folks in the justice system, juvenile justice and adult probation and parole and stuff. And you definitely think different than a lot of those guys. And I wonder if that’s something you developed or you’ve always been there. You know, a lot of them, frankly, are psychopaths, you know, not sociopathic.

00:25:53:18 – 00:26:09:28
Brad Singletary
There’s no empathy. They don’t really care even in what you’re talking about. You know, you’re saying you were you were affected by the things that were being said by the prosecuting attorney. And like, I don’t know, you just your your mind is different than a lot of those cats. You know, you you spend a lot of time with them.

00:26:10:00 – 00:26:16:13
Brad Singletary
Yeah. How is it different? What did you do? You have to shape yourself as this maturing that you’ve done, which I’m sure you have, obviously.

00:26:16:19 – 00:26:44:06
Ramsey Venner
I mean, I feel the plight, right? I feel I feel I feel the struggle. I mean, I’m aware and I study. I mean, you can see in black and white if you study history, American history, the you know, the United States government through like the the New Deal, they subsidized they subsidized the destruction of the family and and.

00:26:44:06 – 00:26:44:20
Ramsey Venner
Mainly.

00:26:44:20 – 00:26:52:26
Ramsey Venner
Poor families. Because if you get the mom out or you get the you compensate the mom for having more kids.

00:26:53:07 – 00:26:55:01
Ramsey Venner
But take the money away.

00:26:55:01 – 00:26:57:14
Ramsey Venner
If there’s a male around, then you replace.

00:26:57:14 – 00:26:58:26
Ramsey Venner
The male with the state.

00:26:59:29 – 00:27:01:09
Ramsey Venner
Which has like.

00:27:01:10 – 00:27:03:13
Ramsey Venner
Tremendous, tremendous.

00:27:03:13 – 00:27:16:17
Ramsey Venner
Ramifications, negative ramifications for the family structure. The family structure is demolished because of things that we thought were benefits for the poor and disenfranchized. Right.

00:27:16:27 – 00:27:17:26
Ramsey Venner
But it’s not the case.

00:27:18:28 – 00:27:20:17
Brad Singletary
I love what you’re saying. I’m glad you’re saying it.

00:27:20:17 – 00:27:22:29
Ramsey Venner
Absolutely not the case. All of those things.

00:27:22:29 – 00:27:27:21
Ramsey Venner
Those programs that there are I mean, there’s a certain sect of the population that you should say, yes.

00:27:27:21 – 00:27:28:04
Ramsey Venner
Sir.

00:27:28:05 – 00:27:35:24
Ramsey Venner
You’re down on your luck right now. Here, let me give you a hand. But when you have generational welfare, generational people on food stamps, and.

00:27:35:24 – 00:27:38:16
Ramsey Venner
They never think to get out of it, because.

00:27:38:16 – 00:27:41:19
Ramsey Venner
This is how it’s always been.

00:27:41:19 – 00:27:42:05
Ramsey Venner
And you.

00:27:42:05 – 00:27:43:09
Ramsey Venner
Normalize all of the.

00:27:43:09 – 00:27:44:09
Ramsey Venner
Things that are negative.

00:27:44:13 – 00:27:48:06
Ramsey Venner
Normalize drug dealing. We normalize hustling, we normalize, you know.

00:27:48:22 – 00:27:52:15
Ramsey Venner
The idols are not the person that’s going to work.

00:27:52:21 – 00:27:56:08
Ramsey Venner
These cracked on and made jokes up. Right. You got that job, man.

00:27:56:09 – 00:27:57:14
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. Yeah.

00:27:57:17 – 00:28:01:14
Ramsey Venner
Going over there to be a slave for them. People. I got my check coming.

00:28:01:24 – 00:28:13:21
Ramsey Venner
But you don’t realize when you when you take on that idea, that mentality, you’ve relegated yourself to too unimportant forever. You are. You are. See?

00:28:14:23 – 00:28:16:29
Ramsey Venner
Put in a place in a box, in a position where you.

00:28:16:29 – 00:28:22:10
Ramsey Venner
Are controlled by the people that you know you are most at odds with in your own mind.

00:28:22:25 – 00:28:33:05
Ramsey Venner
Well, I think I’ve heard I heard a guy say and I might have been a Wall Street chopper. I follow him on social media, so I trap yo. He said.

00:28:34:10 – 00:28:35:26
Ramsey Venner
If you let them feed you.

00:28:36:14 – 00:28:39:29
Ramsey Venner
You can’t be mad when they take the food away.

00:28:39:29 – 00:28:47:23
Ramsey Venner
Right. And what that means, go is like whatever it is that you’re putting out there, you think that you’re getting.

00:28:47:23 – 00:28:51:19
Ramsey Venner
Over by not having to go to work and you got somebody that’s a comedy in your life.

00:28:51:27 – 00:29:05:12
Ramsey Venner
You are 100% under the thumb of the guys that you say are prissy. You are, except in that oppression. So I’ve never, you know, in the struggle, I can see how you.

00:29:05:12 – 00:29:05:23
Ramsey Venner
Got to.

00:29:05:23 – 00:29:13:01
Ramsey Venner
Where you’re at. I can see why we are where we are. And now that I can see it, I can’t accept it.

00:29:13:02 – 00:29:14:27
Ramsey Venner
That’s the way I’m supposed to continue.

00:29:14:27 – 00:29:15:11
Ramsey Venner
To act.

00:29:15:11 – 00:29:15:23
Ramsey Venner
Because I.

00:29:15:23 – 00:29:19:24
Ramsey Venner
Realize you act the way you do because you are following a.

00:29:19:24 – 00:29:21:00
Ramsey Venner
Script that was designed.

00:29:21:00 – 00:29:23:13
Ramsey Venner
For you, not by you before you.

00:29:23:25 – 00:29:24:26
Brad Singletary
Oh, it’s interesting.

00:29:25:07 – 00:29:26:01
Ramsey Venner
Come on. Now, listen.

00:29:26:01 – 00:29:26:09
Ramsey Venner
To who’s.

00:29:26:09 – 00:29:26:23
Brad Singletary
Designing the.

00:29:26:23 – 00:29:39:00
Ramsey Venner
Script. Who’s this? Right, right, right. Who’s designing the script? Because when you think about it, there’s media companies, there’s music industry. And the things that.

00:29:39:00 – 00:29:40:13
Ramsey Venner
Get on that we are able.

00:29:40:13 – 00:29:50:27
Ramsey Venner
To listen to. The programing that we do have is just that. It’s programing. It’s programing. If you don’t even.

00:29:51:15 – 00:29:54:26
Ramsey Venner
Like the song, but you hear the song so many times.

00:29:55:08 – 00:29:55:19
Ramsey Venner
That you.

00:29:55:19 – 00:29:56:08
Ramsey Venner
Know the song.

00:29:56:08 – 00:29:58:24
Ramsey Venner
Word for word, and you’re singing these lyrics.

00:29:59:09 – 00:30:02:12
Ramsey Venner
They are raunchier and raunchier and raunchier right now. You’re so.

00:30:02:12 – 00:30:05:14
Ramsey Venner
Focused on everything that’s negative and not.

00:30:05:22 – 00:30:20:00
Ramsey Venner
Beneficial. Org in to change your life in the slightest. I’ma tell you to be a hustler. I’ma tell you to be a gangster. I’m a tell you to be a pimp. I’m a tell you to do all of these things that don’t bring any value to your community. I’m just going to tell you to keep doing the nonsense that you’ve been doing, because you know what?

00:30:20:06 – 00:30:21:21
Ramsey Venner
It allows me to control you.

00:30:22:28 – 00:30:24:14
Ramsey Venner
And as long as I control you.

00:30:24:22 – 00:30:27:24
Ramsey Venner
I don’t have to worry about you. You’re not a problem.

00:30:29:05 – 00:30:30:12
Brad Singletary
And you’re a consumer.

00:30:30:23 – 00:30:31:16
Ramsey Venner
And you’re a consumer.

00:30:32:05 – 00:30:43:02
Brad Singletary
I’m thinking about what? What is the magic of keeping people in their situation and it’s because now we got we got we got some consumers. That’s who’s buying the sneakers in and around real.

00:30:43:13 – 00:30:46:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s what you’re doing. You know you go to work a ten hour, 12 hour day.

00:30:47:14 – 00:30:57:07
Ramsey Venner
At a menial job. One, you’re not going to try to do anything greater than that menial job because it’s you don’t have those ambitions in you. You don’t have the financial education to say this is what’s going to happen.

00:30:57:14 – 00:30:58:07
Ramsey Venner
If you.

00:30:58:12 – 00:31:03:02
Ramsey Venner
You know, save your money or if you invest or if you if you buy instead of buying.

00:31:03:16 – 00:31:08:29
Ramsey Venner
The Nike’s if you buy Nike the company. Yes, right. Yeah.

00:31:09:08 – 00:31:11:08
Ramsey Venner
If you buy Nike, the company with that.

00:31:11:08 – 00:31:12:22
Ramsey Venner
Same hundred bucks, every.

00:31:12:22 – 00:31:31:06
Ramsey Venner
Time you get ready to go buy, some days you put 150 in Nike stock. We’ll look that Nike stock not only is going to maintain its value, maybe goes up and down depending on the stock market. But Mike is going to kick you a dividend. We’re saying, hey, way to go from being an investor. Wait, so every hundred and 50 bucks that I was going to spend on days, I took that and I bought Nike stock.

00:31:31:06 – 00:31:34:02
Ramsey Venner
Now I’m getting dividends on top of that, the money never went anywhere.

00:31:34:10 – 00:31:40:19
Ramsey Venner
Wait, I can make a loan against that equity. I don’t need a bank. I am the bank.

00:31:41:20 – 00:31:50:06
Ramsey Venner
That’s not information that’s give me. Now we’re going to show you the commercial and say go put on a jay because it’ll make you jump higher and you can still play basketball. Listen.

00:31:50:17 – 00:31:54:13
Ramsey Venner
Of the however many million inner city kids.

00:31:55:01 – 00:31:58:28
Ramsey Venner
There’s way 31 basketball teams with 14 people on each team.

00:31:59:14 – 00:32:04:18
Ramsey Venner
What’s the odds, bro? Yeah, what’s the odds? But anybody can open.

00:32:04:18 – 00:32:21:21
Ramsey Venner
A Robinhood account. Anybody can go to a Charles Schwab, anybody can put $1,000 away and go buy that Nike stock and keep doing it over the course of, you know, your five years, your ten years, the 20 years, and you can be seen on an end so quick because that money is going to keep doubling and tripling.

00:32:22:03 – 00:32:28:02
Ramsey Venner
And exponentially growing. Would you now have access a wealth?

00:32:28:02 – 00:32:45:25
Brad Singletary
So you talked about prison, gave you some hunger. It gave you some desire to never be in that situation, to improve yourself, to get somewhere. You said something earlier about being significant. I don’t that’s not the word to use, but something about, you know, becoming somebody, doing something with yourself. So so I want to talk about some of the ways that you’ve done that, man.

00:32:45:25 – 00:33:06:24
Brad Singletary
You’re obviously well on your way. You got three businesses and talked about earlier. One of the I forget who you’re talking about, a coach maybe or someone was a mentor. But in the in the pre-show talk that we had here pregame and you were talking about some others who had mentor to oh, that was the guy who the janitor.

00:33:07:05 – 00:33:07:09
Ramsey Venner
Shirt.

00:33:07:13 – 00:33:10:13
Brad Singletary
For the church or whatever he was a mentor and and a pastor.

00:33:10:13 – 00:33:10:23
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:33:11:04 – 00:33:19:10
Brad Singletary
Uh, by the way, you’re still involved. You’re you going in? You ain’t just there to get opportunities. You know, you’re there for you. There for the whole thing, right?

00:33:19:18 – 00:33:22:10
Ramsey Venner
I was baptized on Memorial Day.

00:33:22:22 – 00:33:24:12
Ramsey Venner
A year or.

00:33:24:12 – 00:33:38:16
Ramsey Venner
Two ago. I don’t know. Yeah, I think it’s a I just celebrate the one year anniversary of being baptized and, you know, finding and following Jesus Christ every day. I have no qualms about that. My is I came I used to.

00:33:38:16 – 00:33:38:28
Ramsey Venner
Be.

00:33:39:15 – 00:34:04:10
Ramsey Venner
A but the thought process that I was agnostic and I don’t oh so but that’s nonsense right look around you when you look at how the body, the cells, the muscles, everything is set in divine order. Okay, say, say there’s not a god. That’s right. Now, watching my every move in life and, you know, helping me make decisions.

00:34:04:10 – 00:34:19:13
Ramsey Venner
Right. But at some point somebody said all of this stuff and most right. And it’s in a divine order. Matter how the trees grow. Release carbon dioxide or release oxygen, and we release carbon dioxide that keeps the trees growing like beds.

00:34:20:18 – 00:34:22:05
Ramsey Venner
It’s bigger than you know what I mean?

00:34:22:05 – 00:34:24:16
Ramsey Venner
Like, then this is not accidental.

00:34:24:16 – 00:34:25:25
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. How we’re here.

00:34:25:25 – 00:34:29:15
Ramsey Venner
And what we’re doing and how we’re living is not accidental. How there’s, you know.

00:34:30:11 – 00:34:31:21
Ramsey Venner
Just their seasons.

00:34:32:04 – 00:34:33:01
Brad Singletary
Yes. I’m with.

00:34:33:17 – 00:34:38:15
Ramsey Venner
Their seasons. You know what I mean? There’s seasons where in certain seasons, animals.

00:34:39:14 – 00:34:41:05
Ramsey Venner
Naturally want to go.

00:34:41:05 – 00:34:42:22
Ramsey Venner
In and reproduce.

00:34:43:04 – 00:34:44:09
Ramsey Venner
How, you know.

00:34:44:09 – 00:34:45:23
Ramsey Venner
Bees know where to go to get.

00:34:45:23 – 00:34:50:00
Ramsey Venner
Like all of this stuff is like it’s it’s perfect image.

00:34:50:00 – 00:34:50:26
Ramsey Venner
Design and it’s.

00:34:50:26 – 00:34:58:23
Ramsey Venner
Orchestration and there’s no way that this is all just happenstance. This is just you don’t have to believe.

00:34:58:23 – 00:35:03:22
Ramsey Venner
In and follow Jesus. You don’t want to believe that he died on the cross. You think it’s a fairy tale?

00:35:03:22 – 00:35:04:10
Ramsey Venner
What? How come.

00:35:04:10 – 00:35:07:00
Ramsey Venner
Every religion, every culture.

00:35:07:15 – 00:35:08:21
Ramsey Venner
Every human on the.

00:35:08:21 – 00:35:09:23
Ramsey Venner
Planet, every type.

00:35:09:23 – 00:35:12:06
Ramsey Venner
Of people have some type of.

00:35:12:24 – 00:35:14:14
Ramsey Venner
Understanding for something greater.

00:35:14:14 – 00:35:15:04
Ramsey Venner
Than us?

00:35:15:28 – 00:35:20:25
Ramsey Venner
Right. So it was a no brainer for me to find faith. Like, I just.

00:35:20:28 – 00:35:21:13
Ramsey Venner
Didn’t.

00:35:22:01 – 00:35:35:11
Ramsey Venner
Know how serious it was. And until I started observing, like not only that that things are in order, but when you are faithful, when you follow the.

00:35:35:11 – 00:35:35:29
Ramsey Venner
Word.

00:35:36:00 – 00:35:48:01
Ramsey Venner
When you follow it, like everything that’s that’s put in the Bible. I’m a realist to say, you know, I know man has had his hand on it. Right. I know the you know, there was a there is a concave or.

00:35:48:01 – 00:35:49:06
Ramsey Venner
Canon meeting.

00:35:49:06 – 00:35:50:22
Ramsey Venner
And they decided with books.

00:35:50:22 – 00:35:54:24
Ramsey Venner
Were that were what you know what I mean. Yeah But at some point.

00:35:55:11 – 00:36:08:23
Ramsey Venner
The thing that has lasted throughout time, throughout time, throughout every man’s chance and try an attempt to disrupt it and corrupt it and use it for is negative. Like the word of God is still bro in.

00:36:09:18 – 00:36:10:29
Ramsey Venner
His promises thing.

00:36:11:18 – 00:36:13:05
Ramsey Venner
His promises are true. When you put.

00:36:13:07 – 00:36:15:11
Ramsey Venner
When you when you post up and you really.

00:36:15:11 – 00:36:23:01
Ramsey Venner
Look at it like have you I think I heard today my pastor, Pastor Scott said.

00:36:23:01 – 00:36:24:28
Ramsey Venner
You may not have.

00:36:24:28 – 00:36:27:28
Ramsey Venner
Always gotten what you want. No, no, no. I was pastor urging.

00:36:28:01 – 00:36:28:10
Ramsey Venner
You may.

00:36:28:10 – 00:36:31:24
Ramsey Venner
Not have gotten what you wanted, but his God, it always has.

00:36:31:25 – 00:36:35:22
Ramsey Venner
Given you what you need. It may not have always.

00:36:35:22 – 00:36:39:05
Ramsey Venner
Got what you wanted, but God has always given you what you need. It like have you?

00:36:39:05 – 00:36:39:27
Ramsey Venner
If you really think.

00:36:39:27 – 00:36:41:27
Brad Singletary
About you had everything you ever needed.

00:36:41:29 – 00:36:43:16
Ramsey Venner
Always you want.

00:36:43:18 – 00:36:45:27
Brad Singletary
It worked out. It worked out. Whatever it was.

00:36:45:27 – 00:36:57:01
Ramsey Venner
Listen, I had a personal crisis going on last week, like every other week. Anyway, I had a president is going on last week because.

00:36:59:00 – 00:37:25:29
Ramsey Venner
My pastor, another pastor, I hope my brilliant brother, Mayor Ricky said, pastor, it’s say, you know, we have these challenges where our faith meets reality. I know I’m supposed to be faith. I know I’m supposed to just do painting, clothes and abide. And God is, you know, take back that a long time and just wait for it all to happen and God, I got this dude knocking on my door right now.

00:37:25:29 – 00:37:44:06
Ramsey Venner
That I owe bread right now. Like these people talk about they’ve got to take my car guy, like, you know what I mean? I know you. You going always have what I need, but I kind of need the car right now. Jesus is like, Where are you at right now? I got like, Ginger. Ginger, please, just, you know, like five, six bags would make this thing make a lot more sense.

00:37:44:21 – 00:37:47:27
Ramsey Venner
Listen. And I had a personal crisis going where.

00:37:48:08 – 00:38:14:04
Ramsey Venner
I was in that place. But I have a praying wife. I have a praying wife. And, you know, we just see calms me. She calms my spirit where I’m like is bad, babe. I don’t feel good. I don’t feel good about the things that are happening. I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be in this place. I work.

00:38:14:04 – 00:38:14:22
Ramsey Venner
Too hard.

00:38:15:18 – 00:38:15:28
Ramsey Venner
Right?

00:38:16:13 – 00:38:39:04
Ramsey Venner
But the things that I’m working, that I’m being met with, with resistance and I’m running into obstacles and stuff that I you know, I’m not planning this. I have my merchant processing system to stop for two weeks. And I ran like one of the worst things in business is that when you have your mind.

00:38:39:10 – 00:38:40:28
Ramsey Venner
And your systems and processes.

00:38:40:28 – 00:38:41:28
Ramsey Venner
And you’ve done.

00:38:41:28 – 00:38:43:11
Ramsey Venner
Good work for your clients and they’re.

00:38:43:11 – 00:38:56:28
Ramsey Venner
Willing to pay you, they’re they’re paying on time. They’re trying to get settled up so you can keep doing what you’re doing. You got a good thing going, Hey, we like you over here. Come on back here. Come on back and Mark.

00:38:57:19 – 00:38:58:11
Brad Singletary
Collect the money.

00:38:58:18 – 00:39:03:28
Ramsey Venner
Collect the money, bro. I got to send this guy to somewhere else. Do you got to do this?

00:39:03:28 – 00:39:05:01
Ramsey Venner
Pays his team over here.

00:39:05:09 – 00:39:09:25
Ramsey Venner
I’m going to send you a new way. And I’m in four year business.

00:39:09:25 – 00:39:10:12
Ramsey Venner
So this is.

00:39:10:12 – 00:39:11:27
Ramsey Venner
My, you know, me.

00:39:11:27 – 00:39:16:20
Ramsey Venner
Ramsay, Vinny, the the. The guy that’s doing some side cleaning on the side.

00:39:16:20 – 00:39:17:24
Ramsey Venner
Man, I got a brand.

00:39:17:25 – 00:39:20:01
Brad Singletary
Yeah, people pay. Pay that you pay in there.

00:39:20:15 – 00:39:31:04
Ramsey Venner
I got a label, I got I got employees man that that better I’m taking care of their families to these dues have to answer to their wives you found me like God.

00:39:31:04 – 00:39:31:17
Brad Singletary
Bless them.

00:39:32:01 – 00:39:42:23
Ramsey Venner
Right? They got to answer to their people, man. Make our kids at home and they just jam me up on one side. So I’m like, Where did that come from? Right?

00:39:42:23 – 00:39:45:28
Brad Singletary
What happened now? No one house has shakes out what happened.

00:39:48:03 – 00:40:01:10
Ramsey Venner
Is the same spirit, man, same spirit, that same energy. They say, Nah, I’m not going to, you know, if you give me the opportunity, I’m going to make it happen. I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care what I got to do. I don’t care who I got to borrow from. Like I don’t care where I got to go.

00:40:01:10 – 00:40:17:09
Ramsey Venner
Take out a loan. Listen, man, you worked your time. You put in time for clean fruit. You got to check. Come in. If something happened today, I take all my make your right. I don’t care on my family. Listen, babe, it’s rough right now. I got to make a move. I got to figure out some kind of how to get our people paid.

00:40:17:09 – 00:40:32:26
Ramsey Venner
Pay our people. We pay our people. We took care of that. And I got to work it out with the bank. I got to work it out with the merchant process. I got to jump into a different system that’s not their problem, right? They’re doing what they’re supposed to do by us. So we’re going to do what we’re supposed to do by them.

00:40:32:26 – 00:40:34:06
Ramsey Venner
But yeah, I’m I’m.

00:40:34:14 – 00:40:34:17
Ramsey Venner
A.

00:40:34:17 – 00:40:35:01
Brad Singletary
Scary.

00:40:35:01 – 00:40:43:27
Ramsey Venner
Man. I’m out before five the morning screaming on the phone that you gotta get of there, you know what I mean? And at the end of the day.

00:40:45:01 – 00:40:49:11
Ramsey Venner
It’s even it out, you know what I mean? But yeah, it’s it put us in a bind.

00:40:49:12 – 00:40:50:06
Ramsey Venner
And in that.

00:40:50:06 – 00:40:51:03
Ramsey Venner
You know, you’re sitting there.

00:40:51:03 – 00:40:56:15
Ramsey Venner
Like, what? Why? What did I do to get this one? You know what I mean? But nah.

00:40:57:26 – 00:40:58:19
Ramsey Venner
I worry about it.

00:40:58:27 – 00:41:00:26
Ramsey Venner
I’m moving you. You think I’m moving you.

00:41:01:15 – 00:41:06:08
Ramsey Venner
In the life you think something’s happening to you. But understand, this is something that is happening for.

00:41:06:16 – 00:41:32:09
Brad Singletary
Yeah. And the rain falls on the just in the end, it’s like this happens. I mean, some of that stuff just happens. I’ll only talk about mentor, so, you know, talk about some of the men in your life. This is this whole thing is centered around men being better you’ve taken from where you were. And man just really I mean, it’s just miraculous what you’ve turned yourself into, you know, how you’re evolving as a man, but what other men have made a difference for you?

00:41:32:09 – 00:41:39:18
Brad Singletary
Who were the key players that look back on and, you know, that you trusted that helped you get.

00:41:40:08 – 00:41:54:07
Ramsey Venner
Well, I actually have a mentor, man that I meet with. I don’t want to name Joplin. I just got it. I got a real solid mentor that know I don’t get as much time as I would like because he’s a busy guy, but it keeps me focused.

00:41:54:18 – 00:41:55:17
Ramsey Venner
And just having.

00:41:55:27 – 00:42:14:02
Ramsey Venner
A sounding board, right? Like where my name is, what I’m going through. I’ve never gone through anything like this before. Give me some insight. Sometimes. Sometimes it can be as little as just, you know, being in the presence of like like somebody who’s accomplished.

00:42:14:02 – 00:42:14:22
Ramsey Venner
Right, right.

00:42:15:28 – 00:42:47:10
Ramsey Venner
Where you ask a different type of question because of who you’re talking. Like, if I was talking to my five year old, my six year old, I’m going to be like, I wish that Daddy knew about this account right. And the information is not going to be that poignant, right? Because I’m not asking for a serious response. But when I sit down and I’m getting ready to ask this guy a question, well, I’ve evaluated the question because I don’t want him to give me the like, bro, you you know what I mean?

00:42:47:10 – 00:42:49:21
Ramsey Venner
Like, my time is valuable. So you ain’t thought about this yet?

00:42:49:21 – 00:42:50:01
Brad Singletary
Always.

00:42:50:01 – 00:42:52:24
Ramsey Venner
What time? So, yeah, I have to go through the paces.

00:42:52:24 – 00:43:03:08
Ramsey Venner
In my own brain before I ask the question. And sometimes, even when I fire it off, after I’ve gone through all of the paces, as soon as I say and I’m in this guy’s presence, I’m like, Yeah.

00:43:04:02 – 00:43:07:04
Ramsey Venner
I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. You know what I mean?

00:43:07:04 – 00:43:11:02
Ramsey Venner
Just because I know what he would probably say to me, right?

00:43:11:02 – 00:43:13:26
Ramsey Venner
So I aim.

00:43:14:19 – 00:43:21:19
Ramsey Venner
Of all of the things that I’ve read and heard and seen and talked about, like they there’s a definite.

00:43:22:03 – 00:43:23:29
Ramsey Venner
Definite need for you to have.

00:43:24:09 – 00:43:45:09
Ramsey Venner
A mentor, not on the short term, but for a long term. We all need mentors because disliking in sports coach Don Baxter was my special teams coach for Fresno State. You say he used to drill, as you said, what is it? Coach said, a coach is a person that can take you to a place that you can’t take so far.

00:43:45:12 – 00:43:46:22
Ramsey Venner
Oh, right. Yeah.

00:43:46:29 – 00:44:02:23
Ramsey Venner
So you’re going to get a coach for football, you get a coach for tennis, people, get good coaches for lifting weights, all of the sports, not because you want these people to make you better than you currently are. Well, why not get a coach for life or coach for business, a coach for whatever the thing.

00:44:03:26 – 00:44:20:06
Brad Singletary
So you were you were talking about a system where you’re kind of you got a package where you would coach someone who was you’re you want to share your the knowledge that you’ve gained in the last four years as an entrepreneur as part of this kind of would be a coaching type thing, you know, what about other men in your life?

00:44:20:06 – 00:44:31:16
Brad Singletary
You know, men who made a difference, men who just maybe it’s not an arranged, you know, mentor conversation, maybe a family member or a friend or a coach or someone who just had an impact. And what did they do to make.

00:44:31:16 – 00:44:31:19
Ramsey Venner
It.

00:44:32:11 – 00:44:36:06
Ramsey Venner
Through sports? You start seeing a different side like of humanity, like I.

00:44:36:24 – 00:44:40:01
Ramsey Venner
I started seeing solid men.

00:44:40:16 – 00:45:09:06
Ramsey Venner
When I started playing football, I, there were some dudes that were like, you know, you could still tell they were jokers in their own life, right? But when I got to the university level and I got to go to like some of my coaches houses and I could see, you know, like that these were people that were like serious dudes, like, you know, influential, good, hardy, God fearing, and they had families, family man.

00:45:09:06 – 00:45:29:18
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you know, this guy is pouring his heart out on the field. These they’re watching film after the fact. And, you know, it’s probably a strain on his relationship, his family. But they know who dad is. That like there are some guys I, I don’t know. I mean, I probably had some some terrible coaches that, you know, had terrible lives outside of football.

00:45:29:18 – 00:45:34:22
Ramsey Venner
But the ones that were like real solid, great, great coaches, they were.

00:45:34:22 – 00:45:36:05
Ramsey Venner
Solid men.

00:45:36:05 – 00:46:00:09
Ramsey Venner
They were solid family men. They they had like, you know, when they showed up, their kids were in tow. The wife was there. She was supportive. Maybe, you know, she probably wanted more time at home and all the things, right. Because that’s that’s life. Like in my own life. I’ve noticed that like as a man, when you’re trying to do the right thing, it’s one of the hardest things because everything needs your attention right now and all of it.

00:46:01:18 – 00:46:08:11
Ramsey Venner
How do you decide how do you decide for how much time do you spend with the kids? How much time do you spend with the wife, especially trying to build a business?

00:46:08:11 – 00:46:08:22
Brad Singletary
Oh, man.

00:46:09:14 – 00:46:10:04
Ramsey Venner
How much time.

00:46:10:04 – 00:46:11:03
Ramsey Venner
Can you, you.

00:46:11:03 – 00:46:12:11
Ramsey Venner
Know, wait.

00:46:12:13 – 00:46:14:17
Ramsey Venner
It’s unlimited. It’s unlimited.

00:46:14:17 – 00:46:19:16
Ramsey Venner
It’s unlimited. How many things I could be doing right now? How many things I should be doing right now? I should.

00:46:19:16 – 00:46:20:25
Ramsey Venner
Be 17 other.

00:46:20:25 – 00:46:22:28
Ramsey Venner
Places doing nine other things. I should.

00:46:22:28 – 00:46:24:01
Ramsey Venner
Have more people working.

00:46:24:01 – 00:46:29:10
Ramsey Venner
For me. I should be better to my clients. I should do more stuff for my employees. I should be.

00:46:29:18 – 00:46:30:01
Ramsey Venner
Out here.

00:46:30:01 – 00:46:31:02
Ramsey Venner
Tuning up this car.

00:46:31:02 – 00:46:37:03
Ramsey Venner
I said, you know, put the light bulb work. You know what I mean? Whatever it is at the house, I’m supposed to tighten up this.

00:46:37:03 – 00:46:38:08
Ramsey Venner
Door knob like I’ve.

00:46:38:08 – 00:46:40:04
Ramsey Venner
Walked by this washing machine so.

00:46:40:04 – 00:46:41:08
Ramsey Venner
Many times. You know what I mean?

00:46:41:08 – 00:46:42:09
Ramsey Venner
I should take.

00:46:42:09 – 00:46:49:04
Ramsey Venner
My kid out back here and throw the ball some more. And then I got another kid that I should take over here to the tennis, and I’ll take another kid who wants to.

00:46:49:04 – 00:46:58:17
Ramsey Venner
Just go to the playground and just wants to be in Daddy’s face, like there’s. What do you do? You know what I mean? What do you do? What do.

00:46:58:17 – 00:47:01:00
Brad Singletary
You do? What do you do? Because you’re doing it.

00:47:01:17 – 00:47:11:07
Ramsey Venner
Listen, man, I love all my people, my. And it’s one of the greatest joys. Thank you. Asked me a question. Or maybe your assistant asked me a question like, what do I do outside of work?

00:47:11:07 – 00:47:11:16
Ramsey Venner
Right.

00:47:12:19 – 00:47:37:07
Ramsey Venner
Well, work kind of my pleasure. Just because of where I am in my and my season. Right. My season right now is not about and I’ve taken on the responsibility in this life that if anybody’s going to turn direction in my family, me, I bear that responsibility. I bear that, you know, like, like like like the cross, right?

00:47:37:07 – 00:47:37:29
Ramsey Venner
I that’s my.

00:47:37:29 – 00:47:40:00
Ramsey Venner
Cross. I don’t.

00:47:41:02 – 00:47:44:11
Ramsey Venner
Have another person that’s going to come and save the day for.

00:47:44:14 – 00:47:46:29
Ramsey Venner
Us. I want my daughter.

00:47:46:29 – 00:47:54:07
Ramsey Venner
And my and this is my my granddaughter that’s in college now, blessed. She’s a university, San Diego and law school.

00:47:54:16 – 00:47:55:23
Ramsey Venner
Wow. Right now.

00:47:55:24 – 00:48:00:22
Ramsey Venner
Right. And this is the one that they were saying, if I if I hid behind a little girl.

00:48:00:22 – 00:48:01:13
Ramsey Venner
This one. Yeah.

00:48:01:15 – 00:48:20:17
Ramsey Venner
She’s she’s not a little girl no more. She’s a grown woman and she’s doing her stuff. Amazing shout out to you as well. From her to my Juliet to my solo to Georgia to Francis to my new baby. This on the way. Listen, I want them to know, man, that they got a dude that’s going to go the whole way for them.

00:48:21:06 – 00:48:52:14
Ramsey Venner
And they’re my joys. My wife is my joy. So I go and I’ll give it all I got. I’ll sell out, bro at work. I’ll sell out up at four in the morning, whatever it takes to, to, to, you know, set and schedules and making sure everybody’s going to be where they’re going to be. And if it’s making contact calls with clients or even sit in my agenda for what I need to have happen that day or any problems that I’ve missed or bills that I got to pay like I do all of that at the wee hours, the small hours before they wake up, when they wake up, I’m dead.

00:48:53:02 – 00:48:55:12
Ramsey Venner
Because I get to fall when.

00:48:55:12 – 00:49:00:23
Ramsey Venner
You can’t do anything like where you got to lock in and focus when you got little ones, right?

00:49:00:23 – 00:49:01:12
Brad Singletary
Ones all on.

00:49:01:12 – 00:49:01:16
Ramsey Venner
You.

00:49:01:17 – 00:49:16:27
Ramsey Venner
So, you know, I’m dad. Okay? When it’s time for me to go to to the office or they get put down for a nap, then I can crank it back up again and get back into my work mode. But, you know, everything has a time and a place and my wife is super supportive. She’s there. And when I sit down at work.

00:49:16:27 – 00:49:17:18
Ramsey Venner
And I come home.

00:49:18:03 – 00:49:25:04
Ramsey Venner
I’ve gotten to this point now in my business where I can put my phone to the side and my, you know, give a responsibility to my people so that they.

00:49:25:04 – 00:49:27:03
Ramsey Venner
Can do the delegate.

00:49:27:03 – 00:49:27:13
Brad Singletary
That 20.

00:49:27:13 – 00:49:29:18
Ramsey Venner
Five things they yeah so I’m.

00:49:29:24 – 00:49:30:14
Ramsey Venner
I’m getting.

00:49:30:28 – 00:49:50:20
Ramsey Venner
In a place where I can chop it up in and say, okay, this is my work day now you guys have to do your job. You got to I’m not going to solve every problem. Some things you should understand. So as a business owner, that puts you in a position like How can I try and has got to do this thing they come in find me for and I shouldn’t be the only person with all the answers.

00:49:50:20 – 00:50:00:11
Ramsey Venner
And that makes you have a different realization on a scale. Or do you want to be the only person with all of the keys or the only person with all of the information, all the answers? You don’t only want to talk to clients.

00:50:01:06 – 00:50:02:22
Ramsey Venner
Oh, I don’t want to be that anymore.

00:50:03:01 – 00:50:08:20
Brad Singletary
I heard a guy, one of my mentors said, a leader doesn’t do the work of ten men. Right? He got ten men doing the work.

00:50:09:07 – 00:50:10:12
Ramsey Venner
You know that part.

00:50:10:17 – 00:50:19:16
Brad Singletary
But you’re still very involved. You got your hands all in the business. Oh, we were just talking about other men that have helped you.

00:50:19:16 – 00:50:20:05
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, yeah.

00:50:20:13 – 00:50:21:00
Brad Singletary
Be a man.

00:50:21:02 – 00:50:47:08
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, so I do. I give a lot of props to my dad, right? My dad was. He was born in 1930, so a era. Yeah, my dad was born in 1930 in San Andreas in Providencia, Colombia. So he came to America basically as like a teenager, 12 or 13 years old. What the his parents passed over in Colombia.

00:50:48:10 – 00:50:56:02
Ramsey Venner
He got on a boat that was like a decade early in his life just to, like, kind of find his way. Uncles, I got.

00:50:56:13 – 00:50:57:18
Ramsey Venner
You know, over there.

00:50:58:04 – 00:51:01:26
Ramsey Venner
Uncles and I state I don’t know so well but he came over.

00:51:01:26 – 00:51:02:10
Ramsey Venner
Here.

00:51:02:21 – 00:51:21:07
Ramsey Venner
And, you know, just decided that he was going to make his own path. And, you know, probably by the time he met my mom, he had two. Yeah, three other kids. Yeah, three other kids. And they’re all like older than me by like, I don’t know, like 20 years now.

00:51:21:25 – 00:51:27:09
Ramsey Venner
But he came here and everything that I knew of.

00:51:27:09 – 00:51:43:12
Ramsey Venner
My dad from my adolescence was just. You just had a glow on a man. He had a glow like he didn’t live with us because he was on boats and we lived in Florida and in Texas and he lived in Hawaii at one point, you know, I guess it was either marital.

00:51:43:12 – 00:51:43:22
Ramsey Venner
Or.

00:51:44:12 – 00:51:53:29
Ramsey Venner
Economical, meaning, you know, that’s where the jobs were. And he, like, went there. However, it played out. We weren’t always with him, but when he showed up, like he was just.

00:51:54:11 – 00:51:56:05
Ramsey Venner
He was the dude. He was the.

00:51:56:05 – 00:52:05:19
Ramsey Venner
Do like my dad and all of his old pictures, super sharp dresser. Just he just had like a real flatness about a and and I.

00:52:05:19 – 00:52:07:12
Brad Singletary
Always sound like an Alpha, right?

00:52:07:13 – 00:52:08:22
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. He just he just.

00:52:08:22 – 00:52:27:17
Ramsey Venner
Had a finesse about him and I used to like and and the deference that people gave to him like, well, do you know what I mean? He wasn’t like people sneered at him like he did anything bad or you never had bad relations that I could ever see. And I went places, went to me, you know, tell me about like when we went to the bank and stuff like that.

00:52:27:17 – 00:52:44:14
Ramsey Venner
He’d always be like, you, you stand up and you know what I mean? Like, he just was a stern dude, but, like, quite pokey sharp. And I just would, you know, I didn’t get enough time around him to, like, approach him and, like, copy his mannerisms, like, most do, right?

00:52:44:21 – 00:52:45:00
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:52:45:06 – 00:52:54:01
Ramsey Venner
But just there was this vibe when my dad was around me, he was the guy, and there was no questions about it right now.

00:52:54:12 – 00:52:58:29
Ramsey Venner
So that that’s on the me looking side.

00:52:58:29 – 00:53:09:13
Ramsey Venner
Right. And then my mom, because of course, he was from Columbia and we were, you know, black poor in West Palm Beach, Florida, everything that she said and.

00:53:09:14 – 00:53:12:04
Ramsey Venner
They they you know, your dad your dad being in boats and he from.

00:53:12:04 – 00:53:15:13
Ramsey Venner
Columbia. So, you know, he’d probably go and make a move.

00:53:15:13 – 00:53:29:22
Ramsey Venner
And come back and it’d be money in a briefcase. He seized it. So it was like this, like folklore around my dad. Like, was you really somebody? Was he like one of them dudes or like, Oh, I got to have some people that’s over there doing some stuff, you know what I mean? Like, we’ve real Colombians, though, you know what I mean?

00:53:29:22 – 00:53:32:19
Ramsey Venner
So that always played his part. And it was.

00:53:32:19 – 00:53:35:04
Ramsey Venner
It was cool. It was funny. But just there was.

00:53:35:19 – 00:53:37:00
Ramsey Venner
I never my back.

00:53:37:00 – 00:53:50:21
Ramsey Venner
Control it is alcohol it was never allow never aggressive I’ve never seen him like you know, get into real arguments with my mom. I never seen any of that. So I just always had this picture of that’s what a man is, you know what I mean? He was just.

00:53:51:08 – 00:53:51:27
Ramsey Venner
He was a man.

00:53:53:19 – 00:54:01:24
Ramsey Venner
Took care of was sent this money, even when they weren’t like together. You’re like he was just he was just to do so. Long story short, I checked.

00:54:01:24 – 00:54:03:26
Ramsey Venner
Them out and and and.

00:54:04:24 – 00:54:37:27
Ramsey Venner
That’s kind of how I model myself. But then as I got a little older and I started looking at the world in a different kind of way, like I lived with them from all my high school years, from 93 to 97. I had the opportunity to come to live with them in California, California to Oakland, California. And in that time, like, I got to see him, you know, go to work and, you know, he came back and mean like took care of the bills.

00:54:38:11 – 00:54:50:07
Ramsey Venner
He was getting his butt kicked a lot of times at that job. But he made great money on boats in San Francisco. It was a deckhand over there, like 33 bucks an hour or something like that. Like it was just it just.

00:54:50:13 – 00:54:51:06
Ramsey Venner
He always.

00:54:51:06 – 00:55:09:25
Ramsey Venner
Like he wasn’t like, destitute. He wasn’t bad. He wasn’t like a mean spirited dude. And always, like, comedy had his own little way things that he laughed at. And I and I follow suit. Like, I just felt like that presence is what I wanted to give to my kids, what I wanted to be. So my pops is a big influence on me in that way.

00:55:09:25 – 00:55:19:27
Ramsey Venner
And then I got in trouble, went to jail. Yeah, moved to Louisiana and I got a.

00:55:19:27 – 00:55:21:02
Ramsey Venner
Call one.

00:55:21:02 – 00:55:43:00
Ramsey Venner
Morning while I was opening a restaurant in Reno from the coroner’s office in and Bogalusa, Louisiana. My first job, I didn’t even know where this place was. I didn’t know how he found himself there. But him in my I guess, you know, his wife at the time different from my mom. Another lady that he ended up living with that moved down there because that’s where she was from.

00:55:44:02 – 00:55:58:21
Ramsey Venner
And I get the call that, you know, it’s it’s Ramsey Renter. And I was like, yeah, I well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but, you know, I have Ramsey Senior here in our office and I was like.

00:56:00:23 – 00:56:05:12
Ramsey Venner
Doing what he’s like. As I said, it’s a coroner’s office.

00:56:05:12 – 00:56:06:26
Ramsey Venner
And she was like, Yeah. And I was like.

00:56:07:03 – 00:56:09:17
Ramsey Venner
Oh, are you sad? My dad is like this.

00:56:09:19 – 00:56:14:09
Ramsey Venner
And she’s like, Yeah, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sorry to tell you. And it just was like.

00:56:15:11 – 00:56:16:07
Ramsey Venner
Out of the blue.

00:56:16:07 – 00:56:20:02
Ramsey Venner
Out of the clear blue yonder a week previous, I talked to him about coming to.

00:56:20:02 – 00:56:20:20
Ramsey Venner
Live with me.

00:56:21:03 – 00:56:22:00
Ramsey Venner
In Reno. Right.

00:56:22:01 – 00:56:24:09
Ramsey Venner
He was like, man, I hate it down here. And, you know.

00:56:24:19 – 00:56:45:17
Ramsey Venner
So, you know, we had this whole little okay, I’m like I say, is conspiracy. You know, we just we never found out, truthfully, you know, if it was health or not health related. But it just was it was it was like kind of a mysterious thing that happened. And when I when I when.

00:56:45:17 – 00:56:46:05
Ramsey Venner
I had me.

00:56:47:28 – 00:57:07:20
Ramsey Venner
I don’t know, we just we we went down. We and I met with my Colombian brothers and sisters and my actual sister, my mom. We all went down and we laid them to rest down there. And it was like, you know, I guess the gravity of I was the last winter male kind of hit me at that point, right?

00:57:07:20 – 00:57:15:09
Ramsey Venner
Like it was on me, you know what I mean? And I was I’m doing nonsense and my like really living good. I’m, I’m.

00:57:16:05 – 00:57:33:21
Ramsey Venner
At this I was in Reno being a rapper. There’s a rapper in Reno. Well within the seven, seven, five, seven five Davis I listen big soup.

00:57:33:21 – 00:57:38:25
Ramsey Venner
Man I was out there Lucy aka fly some of that big soup material out there man I I’m still out.

00:57:38:25 – 00:57:48:04
Ramsey Venner
Do you remember when we got a tag that shows our son was with malice and but yeah, we did that and it was it was cool. We.

00:57:48:23 – 00:58:05:19
Ramsey Venner
You know, I had my pops, he passed and I it just like it just our feeling, I guess time to get serious about life. And I tried to tighten up, but I couldn’t get it right. Like, I don’t know if you seen a movie Life. What Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence together, right? Man, they did it right out there.

00:58:05:19 – 00:58:19:22
Ramsey Venner
So, yeah, I moved to Vegas and started tightening up. So to your question about mentors and who really influenced me, him and his presence and him in his absence as well?

00:58:20:10 – 00:58:24:23
Brad Singletary
Well, meaning before he passed and sense.

00:58:24:29 – 00:58:38:00
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. So I’m not just like, oh, he is crazy. As we grow into adults, all of those little sayings that, you know, your people say my dad used to have one. He and I.

00:58:38:00 – 00:58:43:26
Ramsey Venner
Always do the accent because I can hear him in my hair be like 5 minutes more or 5 minutes less. Does it matter.

00:58:45:00 – 00:58:45:25
Ramsey Venner
Who you would.

00:58:45:25 – 00:58:53:01
Ramsey Venner
Tell me? Like, Don’t be in a haste. They’ll be in a rush. 5 minutes more, 5 minutes less. You know what I mean? Like, if you get.

00:58:53:01 – 00:58:54:26
Ramsey Venner
There, you get there, you know, don’t.

00:58:54:26 – 00:58:56:13
Ramsey Venner
Go nuts about it. But, you.

00:58:56:13 – 00:58:58:07
Ramsey Venner
Know, or if you need to.

00:58:58:07 – 00:58:59:07
Ramsey Venner
Leave 5 minutes.

00:58:59:07 – 00:58:59:19
Ramsey Venner
Early.

00:59:00:20 – 00:59:15:03
Ramsey Venner
Stuff like that. And I can hear him call you Ramsey used to call me Ramsey. Ramsey and tell me about like having I’m in Oakland. Right. So you I mean, you have four or five of them cousins in your.

00:59:15:03 – 00:59:15:14
Ramsey Venner
Car.

00:59:16:20 – 00:59:31:08
Ramsey Venner
And he’s talking about bread is right, four or five of them. Because in your car you’re going to have trouble, man. You gonna have trouble with him. I’m like, I I’m not going to catch up with that. But, you know, I’m on the football team and I, you know, I’m running around my booth a certain of every time I loaded up and was like driving everybody.

00:59:31:08 – 00:59:32:12
Ramsey Venner
Everywhere pulled.

00:59:32:12 – 00:59:40:13
Ramsey Venner
Over. Right. So all that wisdom comes back when you grow into being a man and you’re like, That’s it.

00:59:40:13 – 00:59:44:03
Ramsey Venner
Just listen. Or like he was dead on with that, you know what I mean? Or I can hear.

00:59:44:03 – 00:59:54:28
Ramsey Venner
Me in these moments and I apply it when before it was like, No, no. So I get out of you. I love you somewhere.

00:59:54:28 – 00:59:57:22
Ramsey Venner
That’s that’s the game for over there, man. I still don’t work here.

00:59:57:29 – 00:59:58:24
Ramsey Venner
Is is this some.

00:59:59:12 – 01:00:11:00
Brad Singletary
I did not know that about you. About your dad, man. But I’ve heard little accents or little things and I’m like, where is do from? Like, but, but but sometimes your parents have accent even if you grew up in California or whatever.

01:00:11:00 – 01:00:11:20
Ramsey Venner
Like, yeah, yeah.

01:00:11:20 – 01:00:16:10
Brad Singletary
Then, you know, I can tell and you and I hear a little things sometimes and it makes me wonder. It must be it.

01:00:16:15 – 01:00:24:10
Ramsey Venner
Listen, I got to tell you, is one of the secret weapons, like when Breslin when I went to prison, I’ll be sitting there and, you know, everything is race and.

01:00:24:14 – 01:00:24:26
Ramsey Venner
Employ.

01:00:25:13 – 01:00:26:12
Ramsey Venner
Bad you know what I mean?

01:00:26:12 – 01:00:27:01
Brad Singletary
From Yeah.

01:00:27:01 – 01:00:29:25
Ramsey Venner
And I was sitting in the middle of maybe like.

01:00:30:09 – 01:00:31:07
Ramsey Venner
You may up a.

01:00:31:10 – 01:00:34:04
Ramsey Venner
You know talking all of that stuff on a little. I’m like, would you call me bro?

01:00:34:13 – 01:00:38:08
Ramsey Venner
They like, Wait, my bros.

01:00:38:08 – 01:00:44:11
Ramsey Venner
And then I know you’re like a Yo Lightning or gay the Omega Killer. They said, You know what I mean? And I give it to him right there.

01:00:44:11 – 01:00:51:22
Ramsey Venner
And they be like, Well, I, I love it. I love it, bro. So that I do.

01:00:52:10 – 01:01:04:04
Ramsey Venner
I was, I was teaching myself how to read and write and zalmi before I went. And when I went there, I had that fluid for a little bit. But, you know, it was no German speakers in Las Vegas, so I kind of lost a lot of that time.

01:01:04:24 – 01:01:08:17
Brad Singletary
That’s crazy. So how many languages do you speak now?

01:01:08:17 – 01:01:19:04
Ramsey Venner
Just English in Spanish. I was real heavy on the German. I was learning ASL too for a little bit, but the you know, you got to practice that before.

01:01:19:05 – 01:01:25:19
Brad Singletary
That’s that’s what I’m saying, man. You’re a different kind of guy, you know what I mean? You’re taking advantage of every single opportunity.

01:01:25:20 – 01:01:36:02
Ramsey Venner
Why not? What else are you doing? That’s what I’m saying. No, like so prison. In prison. Was that for me, bro? Well, you go to lock me in a room, give me 24 hours.

01:01:36:02 – 01:01:36:26
Ramsey Venner
I don’t have.

01:01:37:23 – 01:01:39:12
Ramsey Venner
Kids, bills.

01:01:40:01 – 01:01:41:13
Ramsey Venner
Distractions. I can’t watch.

01:01:41:14 – 01:01:42:05
Ramsey Venner
TV.

01:01:42:17 – 01:01:43:12
Ramsey Venner
There’s no.

01:01:43:21 – 01:01:44:14
Ramsey Venner
Internet.

01:01:44:23 – 01:01:47:00
Ramsey Venner
There’s no cell phone there.

01:01:47:00 – 01:01:51:29
Ramsey Venner
Hustle. Oh, woman now would be the best me I could be.

01:01:52:10 – 01:01:54:07
Brad Singletary
You’ll get swollen. Just get smaller.

01:01:54:07 – 01:01:57:14
Ramsey Venner
Yes, ma’am. Yes. Well, and somewhere. And then that’s going on.

01:01:57:29 – 01:02:10:20
Ramsey Venner
Everything else seems like insignificant. If I choose to have a different life, if I come out of here the exact same way that I went in. That’s my bad. That’s my bad, right? But if I’m given this opportunity.

01:02:11:00 – 01:02:11:26
Ramsey Venner
I need to make.

01:02:11:26 – 01:02:12:05
Ramsey Venner
It so.

01:02:12:05 – 01:02:14:20
Ramsey Venner
That you never, ever, ever have.

01:02:14:20 – 01:02:30:22
Ramsey Venner
This opportunity put me away again. And that was literally my mantra, bro. I’d be sitting there. I ended up like figuring out how to get grants for college. I got my college degree while I was locked up. I learned how to play the piano. I was locked up.

01:02:31:20 – 01:02:31:27
Ramsey Venner
As.

01:02:32:04 – 01:02:36:27
Brad Singletary
Plays, please. But whatever kind of surprises you, guy? He speaks Spanish. He played the piano.

01:02:38:11 – 01:02:43:10
Ramsey Venner
There’s a football with the car. If you get if you get if you get a stretch.

01:02:43:10 – 01:02:43:21
Ramsey Venner
Like, I.

01:02:43:21 – 01:02:56:10
Ramsey Venner
Just I doubt many people got trade, you know what I mean? Six, seven years of a life to learn how to play the piano, you know what I mean? Or to speak Spanish. Anything else? They did. These are cool, but they came at a price.

01:02:57:07 – 01:03:15:03
Ramsey Venner
The these talents right now are cool, but they came at a price, Zambrano says. If you want your life to change, then you have to change, right? And the minute that you change, everything around you will change. You said work harder on yourself. Then you’re doing your job.

01:03:15:03 – 01:03:35:08
Brad Singletary
So you’re quoting some of these guys. That means you’re listening. That means you’re looking for it. That means you’re out there trying to get wisdom. You know, I just that’s something that I’ve always admired about you is just that you’re looking, you’re looking, you’re listening, watching. You know, you got something running in your mind. You read and you’re doing things to get more information.

01:03:35:15 – 01:03:36:05
Ramsey Venner
You got to do it.

01:03:36:22 – 01:03:38:15
Ramsey Venner
As and and.

01:03:38:15 – 01:03:45:22
Ramsey Venner
This right now technology information age right. We got access to everything. And we.

01:03:45:22 – 01:03:48:25
Ramsey Venner
Choose nothing. We choose.

01:03:48:25 – 01:03:53:29
Ramsey Venner
Nonsense. We choose stuff that does not move the needle one iota.

01:03:53:29 – 01:03:54:15
Ramsey Venner
You got.

01:03:54:22 – 01:03:56:16
Ramsey Venner
The entire world that you like you.

01:03:56:16 – 01:03:57:22
Ramsey Venner
Can you to.

01:03:57:22 – 01:03:58:14
Ramsey Venner
Right now or.

01:03:58:14 – 01:03:59:01
Ramsey Venner
Google.

01:03:59:19 – 01:04:03:14
Ramsey Venner
How to do anything good. You could build an airplane in your garage.

01:04:03:14 – 01:04:03:24
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:04:04:18 – 01:04:07:22
Ramsey Venner
Right now there’s somebody who’s put that information out there.

01:04:08:00 – 01:04:09:05
Ramsey Venner
You can learn.

01:04:09:05 – 01:04:11:21
Ramsey Venner
How to be the best stock broker. You can learn how to be.

01:04:12:08 – 01:04:16:25
Ramsey Venner
Even the best dad. Like, there’s techniques. There’s, like, things you could do. You can have.

01:04:16:25 – 01:04:18:00
Ramsey Venner
Conversation starters.

01:04:18:00 – 01:04:40:18
Ramsey Venner
You can have better ways to better your communication. You can effectively use your social media to increase your bottom line. Well, you can you can Google anything. We have all of the information in the computers that’s our that’s in our hands and what we do with them. We choose to look at cat videos.

01:04:40:18 – 01:04:45:13
Brad Singletary
And I love what you said. We we have access to everything. We choose nothing.

01:04:45:13 – 01:04:46:20
Ramsey Venner
And we choose nothing.

01:04:46:20 – 01:04:52:14
Ramsey Venner
We choose to watch somebody else being goofy. Or why do you.

01:04:52:14 – 01:05:03:01
Brad Singletary
Think that it why do why is it so easy for people to just be easy? And, I don’t know, ordinary. I’m like you, man. I’m driven. I mean, I’m over here work at Sunday night at 9:00.

01:05:03:01 – 01:05:04:15
Ramsey Venner
So come on, man. I’m right here.

01:05:04:15 – 01:05:07:06
Brad Singletary
When you said earlier, you said my business is my pleasure.

01:05:07:06 – 01:05:07:16
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:05:07:24 – 01:05:16:21
Brad Singletary
That’s how you live. I don’t know. I just think that’s what what what’s else doing? Because I don’t know. I don’t understand why people look at cat videos and try to learn how to.

01:05:17:01 – 01:05:17:22
Ramsey Venner
Right. Learn how.

01:05:17:22 – 01:05:18:11
Brad Singletary
Things work.

01:05:18:18 – 01:05:19:00
Ramsey Venner
Right.

01:05:19:07 – 01:05:33:22
Ramsey Venner
And what it’s. So there’s two things at play, right? We have a natural, I think, proclivity to choose the path of least resistance. I’m not going to I’m not going to.

01:05:33:22 – 01:05:34:05
Ramsey Venner
Do.

01:05:34:19 – 01:05:40:24
Ramsey Venner
I’m not going to do the thing that’s hard. I’m not going to do the thing that’s tough. And instead, I want to check out.

01:05:41:27 – 01:05:43:10
Brad Singletary
My energy, say, McAlary.

01:05:43:10 – 01:05:58:19
Ramsey Venner
I’m gonna save my calories. Save my energy. I’m gonna do some later. I get to that tomorrow. Is it necessary that I do that right now? I mean, sure, man. I got a long life to live. Like, the thing that we don’t do is take stock and put value in the thing that matters the most.

01:05:58:26 – 01:06:02:10
Ramsey Venner
The one asset that we cannot get more of is time.

01:06:03:23 – 01:06:12:10
Ramsey Venner
Prison showed me that time is the most valuable asset. All you can do is spend it. You can’t get more of it.

01:06:12:10 – 01:06:21:17
Ramsey Venner
You can’t. All you can do is manage how you spend it. Budget your time, make it a serious priority, see how those.

01:06:21:17 – 01:06:23:05
Ramsey Venner
Minutes are wasted by.

01:06:23:23 – 01:06:29:11
Ramsey Venner
Every 10 minutes that you’re scrolling. If you accumulate those 10 minutes.

01:06:29:11 – 01:06:31:04
Ramsey Venner
And say, I was trying to get a college.

01:06:31:04 – 01:06:35:16
Ramsey Venner
Degree, I would be. How much closer to having.

01:06:35:16 – 01:06:41:13
Ramsey Venner
That college degree if I spent the 10 minutes instead of just scrolling through like, you know, the pictures in the photos and.

01:06:41:13 – 01:06:51:03
Ramsey Venner
It’s like at the right, right. The T in a let me you feel me if I took that time and said, okay, now I’m going to actually lock in on this time and learn how.

01:06:51:10 – 01:06:54:01
Ramsey Venner
To expand my business in this way. Or I’m going.

01:06:54:01 – 01:06:54:25
Ramsey Venner
To learn how to be.

01:06:55:25 – 01:06:56:18
Ramsey Venner
Like I’m going to learn how to.

01:06:56:18 – 01:06:57:05
Ramsey Venner
Get things.

01:06:57:12 – 01:07:01:07
Ramsey Venner
Let’s go, let’s go. Simple. I’ll learn how to get stains out the carpet because don’t know how to do that.

01:07:01:29 – 01:07:07:27
Ramsey Venner
You could spend that time and now I have a skill that’s not only valuable for me.

01:07:08:28 – 01:07:13:19
Ramsey Venner
I can directly translate that skill in the money right now, but now I could teach somebody else how to do it.

01:07:13:19 – 01:07:14:24
Ramsey Venner
And multiply and.

01:07:14:24 – 01:07:15:23
Ramsey Venner
Magnify.

01:07:16:07 – 01:07:18:12
Ramsey Venner
My income by how many people.

01:07:18:12 – 01:07:18:23
Ramsey Venner
I teach.

01:07:18:23 – 01:07:19:15
Ramsey Venner
How to do this.

01:07:19:29 – 01:07:20:12
Ramsey Venner
If I could.

01:07:20:13 – 01:07:50:04
Ramsey Venner
Market their services. Hey, Jeff Bezos isn’t a billionaire because Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk personally go and build Tesla’s right. Bro commands 40,000 people in his organization. He commands a 100,000 individuals that when I say this is his God power, right? Yeah. You know, you don’t you don’t really think about it. But this guy genius is on.

01:07:50:04 – 01:07:50:08
Ramsey Venner
His.

01:07:50:08 – 01:08:02:03
Ramsey Venner
Payroll. He’s got access to the information that like the actual person that probably put up the YouTube video. Right. Right. And when he has a thought, it seems goofy to us.

01:08:02:03 – 01:08:08:09
Ramsey Venner
I want to build a tunnel under the Los Angeles and I want to put a train under Los Angeles because it’s.

01:08:08:09 – 01:08:36:06
Ramsey Venner
Just how well you got the money there. Okay. Is a team, a crack team of science is working on it? Yeah. I’ve got engineers that will come up with the best designs and plans. Yeah, let’s do it. I got a legal team is going to go stand in line for me and get the permits from the city. I got bro, I got an advertising and marketing team on the day that I say is a release everywhere in America, the same picture in the same image pops up on benches and on TV and on billboards.

01:08:36:14 – 01:08:42:00
Ramsey Venner
I can snap my finger and there’s a new reality.

01:08:42:00 – 01:08:42:23
Brad Singletary
That’s leadership.

01:08:43:19 – 01:08:48:18
Ramsey Venner
Bro. That’s where the power is. It’s not me. I’m going to just go away.

01:08:49:00 – 01:08:51:28
Ramsey Venner
Crying and I’m gonna just grind and hustle and I’m going, just do it myself.

01:08:51:28 – 01:08:56:21
Ramsey Venner
And I don’t want nobody telling me I’m the best. That I’m the best at it, bro, i, I gave.

01:08:56:21 – 01:09:00:14
Ramsey Venner
That philosophy up right at year two of my company. I like.

01:09:00:14 – 01:09:02:02
Ramsey Venner
To see, you know what you know.

01:09:02:02 – 01:09:19:03
Brad Singletary
See, I’m self-employed, you know, it’s just me, really. I have a VA and I have a practice manager and stuff like that. But I, I, I, there’s a huge risk taking that leap, you know, because I believe you. I think I would want to do that. But then you got the payroll and then you have the other, the other things that come along with that.

01:09:19:09 – 01:09:35:10
Brad Singletary
But it must be because the way you’re talking about it, even with those occasional little blips and those little the tension, I just know a lot of people that have businesses with 20 employees or whatever and that bar in here, bar in there, they got cash flow. They’re trying to make it all work and it does and it works out big time, really.

01:09:35:10 – 01:09:37:08
Brad Singletary
But that’s is the big leap of faith.

01:09:37:08 – 01:09:37:15
Ramsey Venner
That I have.

01:09:37:26 – 01:09:52:08
Brad Singletary
For myself. I know I’d love to have other coaches and therapists working under Serve Me, you know, but that’s just a big leap anyway. So dude, you’re, you’re, you’re, you’re, I you’re a remarkable guy, man.

01:09:52:20 – 01:09:53:08
Ramsey Venner
I appreciate.

01:09:53:09 – 01:10:09:12
Brad Singletary
You. God genius. All kind of you have all kind of sharp and there’s a lot of people who are sharp intellectually but I would never call them sharp because they I don’t know, they don’t got all the charisma. You got all the cool swagger. My kids, they don’t see swagger.

01:10:09:12 – 01:10:10:29
Ramsey Venner
That’s about swag is going away.

01:10:10:29 – 01:10:13:29
Ramsey Venner
Swagger is going away. We know we don’t. We all this swag.

01:10:13:29 – 01:10:15:20
Ramsey Venner
Is leaving these I don’t know what it’s like.

01:10:15:23 – 01:10:18:08
Brad Singletary
You get all kind of big energy, if you know what I’m saying.

01:10:18:08 – 01:10:18:11
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:10:18:13 – 01:10:32:24
Brad Singletary
You know, you just. But I wonder, what are some of the errors that you think men are making out there? No, the typical guy. What are some of the things that typical man you needs to look at?

01:10:34:08 – 01:10:50:27
Ramsey Venner
You know what? The first thing that I think, like the Book of Proverbs says, the spirit of the Lord is beginning of wisdom. When I got arrested on my big case, they sent me away for seven years. I went to the Branch in Sacramento. So they took me from.

01:10:51:04 – 01:10:51:15
Ramsey Venner
Where.

01:10:51:20 – 01:11:02:19
Ramsey Venner
To. And and that’s when it hits start. That’s when it hits like the result of all of it. It’s fun and games when you’re in a visiting booth and you’re trying to, you know, convince a girl or something.

01:11:04:03 – 01:11:13:17
Ramsey Venner
When you see somebody doing all of that foolishness that that’s you still playing you still playing with life. You haven’t, like, felt the gravity of it to you get in that bus.

01:11:14:10 – 01:11:15:09
Ramsey Venner
And they take you.

01:11:15:09 – 01:11:16:23
Ramsey Venner
Away because.

01:11:16:23 – 01:11:20:05
Ramsey Venner
There’s no prisons that are like real close this right when they take you.

01:11:20:05 – 01:11:20:23
Ramsey Venner
Away.

01:11:20:28 – 01:11:26:15
Ramsey Venner
And now you are now yeah you’re going for some. Wow.

01:11:26:15 – 01:11:28:18
Ramsey Venner
And when see it.

01:11:28:18 – 01:11:33:15
Ramsey Venner
And you look around and like this is what I’ve made of my life, this is what it is now.

01:11:33:19 – 01:11:34:22
Ramsey Venner
And you have to.

01:11:35:20 – 01:11:47:23
Ramsey Venner
Let that reality sink in just a little bit like no. So I did that right. And one of the first grabbed the Bible is, you know, okay, now God.

01:11:47:27 – 01:11:53:12
Ramsey Venner
All right, guy, listen, you was right. I was wrong. Let me let.

01:11:53:12 – 01:11:55:03
Ramsey Venner
Let’s let’s work on this relationship, right?

01:11:56:00 – 01:11:57:17
Ramsey Venner
And it’s too late then.

01:11:57:27 – 01:11:59:22
Ramsey Venner
As far as having something to do with the.

01:11:59:22 – 01:12:01:25
Ramsey Venner
Outcome. Right. But, you.

01:12:01:25 – 01:12:10:18
Ramsey Venner
Know, better late than never, right? Yeah. So I grabbed the book of proverb, grab the Bible in the first book I open with the book of Proverbs. And I think it might have been Proverbs.

01:12:10:18 – 01:12:11:04
Ramsey Venner
One.

01:12:12:05 – 01:12:27:29
Ramsey Venner
By the first bar. And it says that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom that has always resonated with me, because it’s like when you realize that there’s something going on that’s bigger than.

01:12:27:29 – 01:12:29:17
Ramsey Venner
You.

01:12:29:17 – 01:12:32:01
Ramsey Venner
There’s something at play that’s bigger than you.

01:12:32:01 – 01:12:33:22
Ramsey Venner
Like when you do not.

01:12:33:27 – 01:12:43:04
Ramsey Venner
Feel like I’m afraid God is going to strike me down. But fear in a sense that, you realize that there’s something that’s that’s bigger and broader.

01:12:43:04 – 01:12:44:01
Ramsey Venner
And wider and.

01:12:44:01 – 01:12:45:08
Ramsey Venner
More expansive being.

01:12:45:18 – 01:12:49:26
Ramsey Venner
Whatever you’ve been calling your reality, your little world, your little.

01:12:49:26 – 01:12:51:03
Brad Singletary
World. So little.

01:12:51:11 – 01:12:53:17
Ramsey Venner
Is microscopic. Like these things that.

01:12:53:17 – 01:12:56:09
Ramsey Venner
You’ve been pursuing and spending your time and your energy on.

01:12:57:20 – 01:12:59:07
Ramsey Venner
There’s so much more.

01:12:59:12 – 01:13:00:12
Ramsey Venner
It’s so much.

01:13:01:02 – 01:13:01:12
Ramsey Venner
More.

01:13:01:12 – 01:13:02:22
Ramsey Venner
Abundance and greater.

01:13:03:01 – 01:13:05:18
Ramsey Venner
Than what you’ve been focusing on. If you can.

01:13:05:18 – 01:13:06:29
Ramsey Venner
Just take your eyes off of.

01:13:07:01 – 01:13:07:21
Ramsey Venner
Your.

01:13:07:21 – 01:13:07:25
Ramsey Venner
Your.

01:13:07:25 – 01:13:22:07
Ramsey Venner
Situation and look, look, look a little bit further, look a little bit past where you, you know, take that horizon back just a little bit and like take it all lean in. You can see that, look, this this is this is.

01:13:22:24 – 01:13:29:12
Ramsey Venner
Recognizing that you are not here by accident. But what are you going to do with this opportunity?

01:13:30:29 – 01:13:31:17
Ramsey Venner
You’re not here.

01:13:31:17 – 01:13:38:02
Ramsey Venner
By accident, but what are you going to do with the opportunity to have given you to be on this earth, to exist in the fullness and the richness.

01:13:38:08 – 01:13:38:15
Ramsey Venner
Of.

01:13:38:15 – 01:13:39:27
Ramsey Venner
Everything that I’ve created.

01:13:39:27 – 01:13:47:14
Ramsey Venner
And am in? And you’re taking this opportunity, you’re underneath. You have the ability to create life.

01:13:48:10 – 01:13:49:09
Ramsey Venner
Now, we were talking about.

01:13:49:09 – 01:13:50:22
Ramsey Venner
Elon Musk, and I’m right.

01:13:51:27 – 01:14:00:11
Ramsey Venner
My first kind of introduction to a thought process like that was they used to Henry for I made the Mustang, I made the Model T.

01:14:00:23 – 01:14:01:13
Ramsey Venner
Henry Ford.

01:14:01:14 – 01:14:05:21
Ramsey Venner
Was one of the greatest businessmen in all of basically.

01:14:06:11 – 01:14:07:05
Ramsey Venner
An.

01:14:07:07 – 01:14:09:02
Ramsey Venner
In American business history.

01:14:10:24 – 01:14:12:22
Ramsey Venner
Henry Ford made.

01:14:12:27 – 01:14:13:20
Ramsey Venner
The Model T.

01:14:13:20 – 01:14:15:12
Ramsey Venner
But he was widely.

01:14:15:12 – 01:14:19:17
Ramsey Venner
Thought of as a buffoon. They always used to crack on him, like.

01:14:20:12 – 01:14:21:10
Ramsey Venner
Is this do.

01:14:21:11 – 01:14:22:09
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean? Like.

01:14:23:05 – 01:14:25:16
Ramsey Venner
Hey, he was just he had an, um.

01:14:26:07 – 01:14:41:26
Ramsey Venner
Breakable tenacity. I read his biography when I was in prison, and I. And his thing was like, there was only a four cylinder engine block. Lee Iacocca was the other one. They took it to eight, but he made the Model T, and he was always.

01:14:41:26 – 01:14:42:23
Ramsey Venner
Getting, you know.

01:14:43:01 – 01:14:56:13
Ramsey Venner
Derided for being a buffoon, an idiot. And then they called him in one day I was like, or I think he got slandered in a newspaper and he caught the dude to the Met and he was like, Listen.

01:14:56:13 – 01:14:57:01
Ramsey Venner
Everybody.

01:14:57:01 – 01:14:58:07
Ramsey Venner
Who has a question about.

01:14:58:16 – 01:14:59:13
Ramsey Venner
My ability.

01:14:59:26 – 01:15:06:03
Ramsey Venner
My reason in my understanding how much information that I can get, I want you to come in. And he called.

01:15:06:03 – 01:15:07:08
Ramsey Venner
A meeting of.

01:15:07:08 – 01:15:11:26
Ramsey Venner
All these people and got him into his office. The Ford office in Detroit sat them all around the roundtable.

01:15:13:20 – 01:15:15:06
Ramsey Venner
Anybody here at this table.

01:15:15:19 – 01:15:19:25
Ramsey Venner
Asked me a question. You have questions about my competency. Ask me a.

01:15:19:25 – 01:15:22:07
Ramsey Venner
Question. Any question.

01:15:22:07 – 01:15:25:24
Ramsey Venner
Under the sun and I will get you an answer in 2 minutes.

01:15:25:24 – 01:15:33:05
Ramsey Venner
Because Henry Ford at that axis, you pick up the phone and talk to anybody you wanted to. He was Henry Ford’s.

01:15:33:09 – 01:15:33:19
Brad Singletary
Phone, a.

01:15:33:19 – 01:15:40:13
Ramsey Venner
Friend and a friend bro. They asked him about physics. They asked him about chemistry. They asked him about bio. I don’t know how long you give me.

01:15:41:05 – 01:15:42:11
Ramsey Venner
Let me let me call this number.

01:15:42:29 – 01:16:11:27
Ramsey Venner
Right. So he understood the the error at that error back then. The ability to harness information. You harness the information, you can synthesize it and use it for whatever you want to. We were just talking about your God power. Elon Musk, the Jeff Bezos that these dudes aren’t even in this planning. Their thought process is about how we get to Mars and what’s the colony they’re going to look like.

01:16:13:16 – 01:16:25:21
Ramsey Venner
As Wild. Well, their thought processes are different, right? And they’re humans. They’re men like me and you. They’re probably like the same age right around here. Right. But just that they’re level of.

01:16:25:21 – 01:16:31:09
Ramsey Venner
Thinking and understanding. Their reasoning about how things work and how the world works is just on a different level.

01:16:31:09 – 01:16:34:00
Ramsey Venner
It’s not this base level that we’re on.

01:16:34:00 – 01:16:35:23
Ramsey Venner
I’m like, I’m gonna just get up and pay these bills. Like.

01:16:36:10 – 01:16:37:04
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean? Like.

01:16:37:15 – 01:16:39:19
Ramsey Venner
I’m going to go to work so I can make this car note.

01:16:39:19 – 01:16:59:04
Ramsey Venner
Not here. Kanye West, bro. People hate Yeezy, bro, but yeezy is like, Man, I was saying this stuff ten years ago. Everything. Mitchell was mad at me for that, right? Man, y’all giving me props for back then? I said it ten years ago and you hated me when I said it then. But it’s all come to fruition now.

01:16:59:27 – 01:17:02:22
Ramsey Venner
It’s all come to fruition. Tell me I’m not, you know, everything.

01:17:02:22 – 01:17:03:17
Ramsey Venner
That I said. I was going to.

01:17:03:18 – 01:17:08:06
Ramsey Venner
Be back then and now that I’m spouting off more.

01:17:08:06 – 01:17:09:02
Ramsey Venner
Nonsense right.

01:17:09:02 – 01:17:11:04
Ramsey Venner
Now, I better have all of these.

01:17:11:04 – 01:17:14:24
Ramsey Venner
Things ten years from now.

01:17:14:24 – 01:17:34:00
Brad Singletary
So. All right, man. Dude, you are something. I have just a couple. A couple of times today. You, man. I got goose bumps, man. Some of the things you’re saying, it’s really it’s really fascinating just to see that this, like, philosopher’s mind got an athlete’s body philosophers mind you got.

01:17:34:00 – 01:17:34:12
Ramsey Venner
To choose a.

01:17:34:12 – 01:17:35:12
Brad Singletary
Partner spirit.

01:17:36:10 – 01:17:40:19
Ramsey Venner
We call it the decodes man. I got to decode, man. The lawyers and Ramsey. I love you all.

01:17:40:20 – 01:17:47:00
Ramsey Venner
Thank you. Shout out my out made me into this and it God put a little, you know, on the top.

01:17:47:05 – 01:18:11:08
Brad Singletary
But you did something, too. That’s why. That’s why you’re here, man. You know, you’re just you’re not just you’re not just a local business owner. You’re not just a dad. You’re not just you’re doing all these things at a high level. We’ve talked about some of your personal relationships and stuff like that and everything you’re doing. You always seem to be asking questions about how to get yourself in a better spot, whether it’s, you know, business stuff.

01:18:11:13 – 01:18:34:15
Brad Singletary
You’re your workouts, you know, your your employees things at home with the missus. You know, you seem like you’re you’re always just hungry. So in the in the errors that men make, it sounds like you were I couldn’t tell if you were talking about confidence or humility, because there’s really both there that we can be both. We got to be humble enough.

01:18:34:15 – 01:18:49:08
Brad Singletary
And maybe prison taught you some humility. Um, do you think you would have been this guy without that many kids? You got to. You’ve got a sharp mind. You know, you have a lot of great qualities that some of that may be just you were born with.

01:18:50:06 – 01:19:11:25
Ramsey Venner
I think a process, a process negativity. A little different in other people, too. I think I process negativity a lot different actually. Like, okay, I don’t have the spirit to dwell in the negative. I don’t hold grudges. I can’t like it makes me feel bad, right. So in AA and because I went through AA.

01:19:11:25 – 01:19:14:09
Brad Singletary
Right, I love that one. Ask you, I’m glad you came.

01:19:14:09 – 01:19:14:22
Ramsey Venner
Back to that.

01:19:14:23 – 01:19:21:07
Ramsey Venner
AA says the holding is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

01:19:22:19 – 01:19:25:03
Ramsey Venner
So for me, I can’t never.

01:19:25:08 – 01:19:35:12
Ramsey Venner
I just have never been able to, even if I’m mad at somebody, I can stop messing with you because I feel like it’s not a good look for me or I’ve ceased to see the benefit in this relationship. Right?

01:19:35:12 – 01:19:35:23
Ramsey Venner
Right.

01:19:36:00 – 01:19:49:02
Ramsey Venner
But I never just was nasty or spiteful to people just on a on a strength that we don’t see eye to eye or we don’t get along about a thing. And like, I just feel like I but that’s, that’s, that’s, that’s a old chapter.

01:19:49:28 – 01:19:52:14
Ramsey Venner
But I just. I don’t know, man.

01:19:52:22 – 01:20:10:28
Ramsey Venner
And I’m not very good with boundaries, you know what I mean? I that’s that’s that’s a thing my wife always tells me I’m not very good with boundaries. I used to think it was a strength and not have had like terrible break ups. When I was single. I was like, I thought that was a strength. Like any of my exes, I could.

01:20:10:28 – 01:20:14:02
Ramsey Venner
Probably hit a bump up and, you know, whatever it.

01:20:14:02 – 01:20:25:08
Ramsey Venner
Is, if it’s for help, if it’s for, you know, some niceness, I thought that that was a strength. But at this place in life, in a relationship, I.

01:20:25:08 – 01:20:26:21
Ramsey Venner
Do do better.

01:20:26:21 – 01:20:31:23
Ramsey Venner
By boundaries because there’s people that’ll take advantage of you if you leave those doors open.

01:20:32:08 – 01:20:33:19
Ramsey Venner
Hmm. That’s right. Yeah.

01:20:33:24 – 01:20:36:07
Ramsey Venner
There’s people that’ll take advantage of you or.

01:20:36:15 – 01:20:37:18
Ramsey Venner
You won’t.

01:20:37:18 – 01:20:39:16
Ramsey Venner
Reach your full potential because.

01:20:39:28 – 01:20:42:21
Ramsey Venner
Again, you’re halfway m.

01:20:42:21 – 01:20:57:17
Ramsey Venner
Halfway out of a situation, I think he says know, you see, God wants you to either be hot or cold. Right? Right. Don’t be lukewarm. So I used to love the lukewarm. I love the gray area. I’ve made an album called Gray Hair and big severe gray hair. You got to get that.

01:20:57:25 – 01:21:14:12
Ramsey Venner
And the gray area where I just thought it was like the coolest to be, you know, hey, man I’m I’m here or I’m not. And I’ll be like when I see you used to hear me talking on the phone. Like when you when you’re in the game, when you’re in a life, you say stuff.

01:21:14:12 – 01:21:18:27
Ramsey Venner
Without saying it. You don’t say nothing at all. And you say a bunch of things at the same time. Right? Right.

01:21:18:27 – 01:21:19:24
Ramsey Venner
So yeah.

01:21:19:24 – 01:21:29:03
Ramsey Venner
Man, I’m mean, how much later is not really, but I agree or disagree or yes or no. But I’m glad you later about it. Right.

01:21:29:03 – 01:21:32:06
Ramsey Venner
So little bit. Is that me? Ambivalence.

01:21:32:10 – 01:21:33:15
Brad Singletary
Yeah.

01:21:33:15 – 01:21:34:12
Ramsey Venner
UCLA live.

01:21:34:12 – 01:21:35:06
Ramsey Venner
Right there. Right.

01:21:35:26 – 01:21:37:17
Ramsey Venner
People probably will walk away from me like.

01:21:37:27 – 01:21:38:19
Ramsey Venner
Oh, is he coming?

01:21:41:03 – 01:21:44:06
Ramsey Venner
Are you going to be here? You got to get my I did I I’ll.

01:21:44:06 – 01:21:46:11
Ramsey Venner
See what’s going on and I’ll let you know bro. Like.

01:21:47:14 – 01:21:48:17
Brad Singletary
Oh, noncommittal.

01:21:48:17 – 01:21:51:07
Ramsey Venner
Noncommittal, sober, noncommittal. But now.

01:21:51:27 – 01:21:53:00
Ramsey Venner
You have to make your.

01:21:53:00 – 01:22:07:02
Ramsey Venner
Yes is me. Yes. And you knows, me, know and stand on it because people actually start looking at you. Emmett makes a difference in how you carry yourself and how people interact with you and know what to expect from you.

01:22:07:27 – 01:22:09:17
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, he said no, but I.

01:22:09:17 – 01:22:11:28
Ramsey Venner
Mean if you talk to him again, he might be on something different.

01:22:12:01 – 01:22:25:09
Ramsey Venner
Or yes, he was. You know what I mean? Like, if you just you just you never really stake a position. And for me, I like it because.

01:22:26:01 – 01:22:35:23
Ramsey Venner
I always like being able to, depending on how I’m feeling, make a different outcome. I tell my my family all the time that the best thing in the world to have is options, right?

01:22:36:27 – 01:22:37:18
Ramsey Venner
The best thing.

01:22:37:18 – 01:22:49:13
Ramsey Venner
In the world to have is options. I still stand by that. But how I go about creating options now have to be within the boundaries of what I want my mission to be, where I’m actually trying to take it, where we want to go with it. There’s this an alignment.

01:22:49:13 – 01:22:52:16
Brad Singletary
It doesn’t if it’s not taking you there, you don’t want it now.

01:22:53:19 – 01:23:08:16
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. So the alignment is a big thing. Like alignment is like my, my son is a Sagittarius, right? So that’s the archer. You got to lock in on your target. And even daddy’s like.

01:23:08:16 – 01:23:11:02
Ramsey Venner
Locking my team again.

01:23:11:03 – 01:23:25:05
Ramsey Venner
You lock in on your targeting, and you make all of your moves, all of your conversations, all of your actions toward that desired target. And you’re going to get there if the paces are slow, if you’re crawling sometimes, if you’re, you know, all.

01:23:25:06 – 01:23:26:03
Ramsey Venner
The rolling.

01:23:26:08 – 01:23:28:00
Ramsey Venner
You know, if you’re rolling on your.

01:23:28:00 – 01:23:35:08
Ramsey Venner
Side just to get in that direction, but long as you keep going in that direction, eventually you going to pull up and it’s going to be where you want to be.

01:23:36:11 – 01:23:48:19
Brad Singletary
What’s something that you’re still working on as a man on that, you know, you come a long way, you got all kind of maturity and really great things going on. What’s something you still struggle, but you’re working at?

01:23:48:19 – 01:24:03:27
Ramsey Venner
Saying no is a thing that I’m working on of late deciding what my worth is. Side of what my position is, what my posture is, deciding that some things just aren’t for me do.

01:24:04:03 – 01:24:04:18
Ramsey Venner
Or.

01:24:04:19 – 01:24:28:27
Ramsey Venner
Maybe not the season, maybe not. No. They don’t have value if they don’t have value to me, if they don’t have value to my mission, if they don’t add value to where I want to take my family, then it’s getting easier and easier to make those decisions. I know it’s not doing it. And then I mean, like or, I mean, it could be an opportunity.

01:24:29:04 – 01:24:35:02
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, maybe if, you know, I had a a little stronger back maybe I take that on to buddies.

01:24:35:18 – 01:24:50:28
Brad Singletary
That are just jumping right on, right on to anything that comes along. Like I love the Code by Warren Buffett that said that the difference between successful people and extremely successful is that extremely successful people say no to almost everything.

01:24:50:28 – 01:24:51:08
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:24:52:07 – 01:25:02:22
Brad Singletary
And that’s that’s that’s difficulty for me to just say no. But it’s funny because think about you think about some rich successful person. They, they know how to say no.

01:25:03:01 – 01:25:04:07
Ramsey Venner
You know, all day long. No.

01:25:05:01 – 01:25:05:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s, that’s it.

01:25:06:10 – 01:25:06:14
Ramsey Venner
For.

01:25:07:01 – 01:25:07:14
Brad Singletary
Me, you know.

01:25:07:14 – 01:25:08:16
Ramsey Venner
Really. No. Yeah.

01:25:09:00 – 01:25:10:11
Ramsey Venner
They got people to say no.

01:25:10:23 – 01:25:11:14
Brad Singletary
That’s what he.

01:25:12:16 – 01:25:12:25
Ramsey Venner
Did.

01:25:12:25 – 01:25:15:05
Brad Singletary
To just answer the phone and tell everybody no. Okay.

01:25:15:05 – 01:25:31:24
Ramsey Venner
As of the fall, tell them what I know, you know. But you have to put yourself in a position that. That’s right. The opportunity that you have. Right. Because as we’re striving and as we’re growing and we’re trying to put it together now, the way I feel like I got here is by saying yes to everything. You made me dinner at three in the morning bed.

01:25:31:24 – 01:25:35:24
Ramsey Venner
I got it with you. This a whole hospital by myself?

01:25:35:24 – 01:25:39:26
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, I’ll do it, you know? I mean, I’m just that that’s how I got.

01:25:39:26 – 01:25:41:04
Ramsey Venner
To the place that I’m.

01:25:41:20 – 01:25:44:04
Ramsey Venner
That I’m at right now, where we have employees.

01:25:44:04 – 01:25:55:15
Ramsey Venner
And have relationships. And we’re doing business on every part of this city. And we have vehicles that are there now. And any time I click on my phone, I have some people under my label that are.

01:25:55:15 – 01:25:58:00
Ramsey Venner
At work helping me build a.

01:25:58:00 – 01:26:00:19
Ramsey Venner
Future for our family, like their family.

01:26:00:19 – 01:26:08:22
Ramsey Venner
As well, don’t get me wrong. But at the same time, listen, they’re on a clock. I’m I’m talking to you. So this is this is building.

01:26:08:22 – 01:26:10:26
Ramsey Venner
In a different way. But understand.

01:26:10:26 – 01:26:13:09
Ramsey Venner
It took me saying yes to everything.

01:26:13:09 – 01:26:21:00
Ramsey Venner
To get to this place. Now, as it relates to my personal time, as it relates to what I will do with my with my energy and my attention, and.

01:26:21:00 – 01:26:23:13
Brad Singletary
Even in your companies, because you’ve got other people doing some of.

01:26:23:13 – 01:26:32:13
Ramsey Venner
That. Yes. Even as a as it comes to that, it’s we say no when we have to or no when it’s not the right fit or no, because.

01:26:32:13 – 01:26:32:29
Ramsey Venner
I’ve been.

01:26:32:29 – 01:26:36:01
Ramsey Venner
Down that road and I know that it’s not as sweet as it sounds.

01:26:36:18 – 01:26:37:06
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean?

01:26:37:06 – 01:26:45:17
Ramsey Venner
Like, there’s there’s some jobs where I’m like, oh, I know. I remember that. Nope you know, restaurants no. On doing.

01:26:46:05 – 01:26:49:19
Ramsey Venner
Because while you’re willing to actually pay.

01:26:49:20 – 01:27:05:25
Ramsey Venner
For us to come and do that service the is for me to have my folks going there and night after night after night that don’t work in the restaurant industry. When I remember the nights when I worked in the kitchen and it’s two in the morning, I got to pull up the grates and it’s food and it’s smell and it’s grease.

01:27:06:17 – 01:27:16:28
Ramsey Venner
My folks aren’t going to be able to respond to that every night in the way that I want my company to be represented. So my brand will suffer because we are not able to.

01:27:16:28 – 01:27:17:20
Ramsey Venner
Fulfill.

01:27:18:05 – 01:27:28:13
Ramsey Venner
At the level that we’re supposed to fulfill, like we deliver superior cleaning every time. That’s our tagline, Superior cleaning every time, right? And we do our muster where we do a whole screaming thing.

01:27:28:25 – 01:27:32:22
Ramsey Venner
Every time, every time, every time, every time, all the time, all the.

01:27:32:22 – 01:27:38:15
Ramsey Venner
Time. You know what I mean? And my folks get involved with it because again, when we’re out there and we’re servicing our clients.

01:27:38:24 – 01:27:39:08
Ramsey Venner
You don’t want.

01:27:39:08 – 01:27:42:01
Ramsey Venner
Them to feel like, you know, these dudes came and found it.

01:27:42:03 – 01:27:43:25
Brad Singletary
Easy to cut the corners.

01:27:43:25 – 01:27:47:09
Ramsey Venner
Today. And when I look at, you know, what it takes to do a.

01:27:47:09 – 01:27:54:29
Ramsey Venner
Week of restaurant, clean up, it’s not a lot of folks is cut out for that. Like if you’re in the food industry, you know, it comes along with it.

01:27:55:13 – 01:27:56:22
Ramsey Venner
But if you’re playing.

01:27:56:22 – 01:28:03:16
Ramsey Venner
In beautiful buildings and, you know, dealerships and offices and you know what I mean? The church lobby like.

01:28:03:16 – 01:28:07:17
Ramsey Venner
To send you into that hill because like, bro.

01:28:07:29 – 01:28:10:26
Ramsey Venner
I know all the stuff we’re.

01:28:10:26 – 01:28:29:04
Ramsey Venner
I walked out of my job. I walked out of a job because the kitchen was nasty. One time I worked at T.G.I. Fridays. Do you remember to hear from your business now? So listen, I walked into T.G.I. Friday’s. You saw it coming. I was mad. Listen, I was in there cooking and I had that on my in the little appetizer section.

01:28:29:04 – 01:28:43:19
Ramsey Venner
And I’m making what was in the potato skins and buffalo wings. And I’m breezy a mad it’s like 130 in the morning. He’s like, yeah, you got to clean out. The fried of grease is still 350 degrees coming in on the day fire right now. Man.

01:28:44:07 – 01:28:45:25
Ramsey Venner
Listen, you got to clean out there, FRYER.

01:28:45:25 – 01:28:51:22
Ramsey Venner
You got to take it. Strain the oil through this thing, take the oil, put it back in. And I’m like, listen.

01:28:52:07 – 01:28:54:21
Ramsey Venner
I’m going to go ahead and take this apron off this.

01:28:55:12 – 01:28:57:16
Brad Singletary
So you are doing janitorial. You worked for two years.

01:28:57:16 – 01:29:01:21
Ramsey Venner
You worked as a cook. And it was just one night we.

01:29:01:21 – 01:29:10:20
Ramsey Venner
Got to slaughter, right. And I was just like, man, I was dumb. You know what I mean? Like, like T.G.I. Friday’s used to pop on the weekends and use that one 3230 in the morning is like.

01:29:10:20 – 01:29:11:02
Ramsey Venner
Going.

01:29:12:02 – 01:29:17:22
Ramsey Venner
It’s done finally. I’ve been working since 5:00. It’s 230 in the morning and now I got.

01:29:17:22 – 01:29:19:05
Ramsey Venner
To go clean out the fryer.

01:29:20:22 – 01:29:24:19
Ramsey Venner
Listen, man. I’m going to go home.

01:29:24:19 – 01:29:38:10
Brad Singletary
I worked at it. I worked at a Pizza Hut in Florida and it was really well run. I was like 18, 19. And then I moved to another state and worked at a Pizza Hut. I came in or one day as opener. Yeah. And I was able to get the dough going and all this and I left as such a mess.

01:29:38:10 – 01:29:51:04
Brad Singletary
I quit the job, I just left. They walked in, the manager came in 11. There were no no food ready. Yeah, I just left it on standby. I can’t do it so clean. Free. That’s the name of your company. That’s. Are you a clean freak?

01:29:51:13 – 01:29:55:22
Ramsey Venner
I used to be a lot more of a clean freak. And then I started having babies.

01:29:56:00 – 01:29:59:05
Brad Singletary
So now it’s all good. It’s just. We’ll get that. We’ll get.

01:29:59:09 – 01:30:19:01
Ramsey Venner
It. It’s in general, in my personal life, things that we, you know, maintain a high standard for everything as it relates to, you know, business and our clients. But at my house, like, you know, like I told you, there’s so many so much time taken away by being in the world and building business like you just want to be around your people.

01:30:19:01 – 01:30:22:15
Ramsey Venner
So you still go nuts? Yeah. Yeah, I’m still.

01:30:23:25 – 01:30:24:07
Ramsey Venner
I’m sitting.

01:30:24:07 – 01:30:33:21
Ramsey Venner
Here taking it. But then, you know, me and my wife, we blow staff blessing around the house like we make the kids clean up. I mean, you can’t just live in squalor.

01:30:33:22 – 01:30:34:18
Ramsey Venner
And still live where you.

01:30:34:18 – 01:30:38:26
Brad Singletary
Travel. I already met your wife. I didn’t know that place pretty well.

01:30:39:02 – 01:30:40:09
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, she runs a tight ship.

01:30:40:12 – 01:31:02:05
Brad Singletary
Tell me, man. Well, last question for you, bro. What is the most Alpha thing about you? What attribute, what gift you know, what talent can you really own? Or more than one, but what the most Alpha things about you, the things that are just special about you and that you don’t apologize, that that is a special the strength you have.

01:31:02:20 – 01:31:21:10
Ramsey Venner
I just I think I’ve always had the mentality that if any man can do it, then I can do it. I don’t care what it is. I don’t care if it’s it’s climbing a building like it was jumping on a plane. I don’t care if he’s starting a business. I don’t care if it’s, you know, learning how to balance budget.

01:31:21:24 – 01:31:41:09
Ramsey Venner
I just don’t. The only difference between me and Elon Musk is information. He’s got information that I haven’t got yet. He’s got access to information that I haven’t been given yet or that I haven’t sought out yet. I don’t know the questions to ask exactly. But if there’s something that I want in this world, I can have it.

01:31:41:09 – 01:31:58:25
Ramsey Venner
And I don’t apologize for it. I don’t apologize. And the other part about me, I’m that dude is going to go get it. I don’t care about sleep. I don’t care about like, you know, people’s perception of me. Work too hard. You need to relax. You needed I mean, I take you from my wife. That’s it.

01:31:58:25 – 01:32:01:17
Ramsey Venner
But anybody else telling me how.

01:32:01:17 – 01:32:07:26
Ramsey Venner
I see, you know, adjudicate my time and what I should do with my time to my attention, I don’t bar.

01:32:08:02 – 01:32:12:28
Brad Singletary
Your homies mad at you this, Duke. Busy. He got kids. He got a business. He tried to hang out.

01:32:13:16 – 01:32:28:23
Ramsey Venner
I don’t I know people like that. Anybody that’s just trying to hang out, that’s that’s that’s long since gone. Like, I had those type of folks when I was sitting in prison, you know, because again, okay, that’s the time to hang out with. Since I’ve touched down, I.

01:32:28:23 – 01:32:29:03
Ramsey Venner
Haven’t.

01:32:29:17 – 01:32:32:20
Ramsey Venner
Like there’s folks that will either go because they got their own.

01:32:32:20 – 01:32:35:13
Ramsey Venner
Thing going. Yeah. And we can commute.

01:32:35:13 – 01:32:47:04
Ramsey Venner
And talking and maybe go get lunch on that level or you tell me what’s going on with you and I’ll tell you what’s going on with me. How can we help each other? Like I have business partners. I got people that I do bills and commitments with.

01:32:47:19 – 01:32:48:19
Ramsey Venner
I don’t have.

01:32:48:19 – 01:33:05:06
Ramsey Venner
A lot of slack. Nothing like recreational basketball team seemed like, cumbersome to me. I was like, well, yes, only my kids and my business to go shoot around a hoop. This is just where I’ve kind of trained and.

01:33:05:11 – 01:33:08:10
Ramsey Venner
I don’t know. I don’t have that.

01:33:09:04 – 01:33:11:24
Ramsey Venner
Feeling like I’m approaching burnout or you know what I.

01:33:11:24 – 01:33:15:19
Ramsey Venner
Mean? I love what I do. I love my wife. I love how.

01:33:15:25 – 01:33:22:29
Ramsey Venner
How every day there’s a different challenge. I wish a lot of it was, you know, easier or are all put together.

01:33:22:29 – 01:33:24:00
Ramsey Venner
Are already done.

01:33:24:09 – 01:33:27:20
Ramsey Venner
But I realize right now in the fire I’m building.

01:33:28:16 – 01:33:43:18
Brad Singletary
The journey is the destination, right? Yes. I mean, like. That’s all right. This is the beauty of it. Yes, sir. The outcome is right now you’re right now you’re you’re learning and growing. You lighten everything up on the inside as you watch it happen, you’re figuring out a big old puzzle.

01:33:43:26 – 01:33:44:09
Ramsey Venner
Yes.

01:33:44:09 – 01:34:00:18
Brad Singletary
How to be a man, how to be a father, how to be alive and how to be an entrepreneur. You know how to keep your faith, how to do all the things that are just going to bring you peace and happiness. I love what you’ve done with your life, man. I love what you’re. It’s even more impressive than I knew it would have been here talking to you tonight.

01:34:00:18 – 01:34:02:11
Brad Singletary
I definitely want to have you back, man.

01:34:02:17 – 01:34:03:08
Ramsey Venner
Any time you.

01:34:03:08 – 01:34:10:25
Brad Singletary
Got you have. You definitely have. You just got a great voice. You’ve got a great story. You got wisdom. I just man, we’re going to I want to.

01:34:11:03 – 01:34:28:10
Ramsey Venner
Give an inside man. We give a lay low, man. That’s all it is, man. We give life and love and we’re just going to keep putting it out there. Listen, anybody who’s listening to this program right now, I’m going to do a solid because my dude is like my brother from another mother. Listen, you guys want to get into the janitorial space.

01:34:28:21 – 01:34:30:21
Ramsey Venner
Even if you don’t want, to get into the janitorial space.

01:34:30:21 – 01:34:31:01
Ramsey Venner
If you.

01:34:31:01 – 01:34:31:25
Ramsey Venner
Want to create.

01:34:32:07 – 01:34:34:14
Ramsey Venner
A business, the semi passive that.

01:34:34:14 – 01:34:35:12
Ramsey Venner
Can help you.

01:34:35:20 – 01:34:39:19
Ramsey Venner
Change the course of your family like clean freak is done for me.

01:34:39:19 – 01:34:45:21
Ramsey Venner
I want to give you a copy of our free e-book. Okay? Just all of the folks that are out there in the Alpha.

01:34:45:21 – 01:34:48:20
Ramsey Venner
Quorum, all of the Alphas that are out there listening. This is for you.

01:34:48:20 – 01:34:49:28
Ramsey Venner
Bro right now.

01:34:49:28 – 01:34:53:08
Ramsey Venner
Go to Ramsey Venter r msci.

01:34:53:08 – 01:34:55:06
Ramsey Venner
V an e r dot.

01:34:55:06 – 01:34:56:16
Ramsey Venner
Com forward slash.

01:34:56:17 – 01:34:59:26
Ramsey Venner
E-Book. Okay, take that e-book for free.

01:34:59:26 – 01:35:02:15
Ramsey Venner
That’s on me. I’m giving you guys that code right now.

01:35:02:15 – 01:35:03:16
Ramsey Venner
You get the e-book.

01:35:03:27 – 01:35:07:11
Ramsey Venner
Follow the steps. We have a webinar that’s out there, 30 minute webinar.

01:35:07:11 – 01:35:09:07
Ramsey Venner
I tell you everything you’re going to me.

01:35:09:17 – 01:35:11:29
Ramsey Venner
Everything that you’re going to learn inside of our program.

01:35:12:07 – 01:35:17:04
Ramsey Venner
You like that? Go ahead and follow that trail and get the program.

01:35:17:04 – 01:35:18:22
Ramsey Venner
Blueprint of janitorial success.

01:35:19:07 – 01:35:24:13
Ramsey Venner
Every step that it took us to get there and I’m going to personally help you did.

01:35:24:13 – 01:35:25:02
Ramsey Venner
Your first.

01:35:25:02 – 01:35:26:13
Ramsey Venner
Couple of clients and get.

01:35:26:13 – 01:35:30:08
Ramsey Venner
You started in the janitorial space. I don’t want you to be a front line worker. This is.

01:35:30:08 – 01:35:30:28
Ramsey Venner
Not that.

01:35:30:28 – 01:35:31:12
Ramsey Venner
This is not.

01:35:31:12 – 01:35:34:24
Ramsey Venner
About getting out there and and get your.

01:35:34:24 – 01:35:36:25
Brad Singletary
Job as a yeah. This is not the.

01:35:36:25 – 01:35:46:06
Ramsey Venner
Kind of job I’m going to show you how to create a somewhat passive business, a semi passive business that will get you thousands a month.

01:35:47:03 – 01:35:56:06
Ramsey Venner
Tens of thousands a month where you can change what you’re doing. You’re making four or five grand. It’s a job right now. You’re working eight, ten, 15 hours a day unsatisfied. You don’t like.

01:35:56:06 – 01:35:56:21
Ramsey Venner
Where you live.

01:35:56:21 – 01:35:58:27
Ramsey Venner
You don’t like where you drive. You don’t like who you’re talking to.

01:35:59:05 – 01:36:01:09
Ramsey Venner
Okay, we’ll get on board with this blueprint.

01:36:01:09 – 01:36:02:15
Ramsey Venner
Of janitorial success.

01:36:02:28 – 01:36:12:10
Ramsey Venner
Take that. Learn the lessons that we’ve put together. I’ve already done the work for you. You just got to follow suit. There’s videos. There’s videos from people on my team.

01:36:12:10 – 01:36:14:03
Ramsey Venner
Testimonials from people will tell you.

01:36:14:03 – 01:36:16:20
Ramsey Venner
Exactly how we did it. I stand on the things that we.

01:36:16:20 – 01:36:17:16
Ramsey Venner
Put in this video.

01:36:17:25 – 01:36:20:13
Ramsey Venner
You take a look at that blueprint of janitorial success.

01:36:20:13 – 01:36:23:18
Ramsey Venner
Follow yourself down that path. Listen, I’m going to personally.

01:36:23:18 – 01:36:28:05
Ramsey Venner
Be your coach to help you get to where you need to be and start.

01:36:28:05 – 01:36:30:18
Ramsey Venner
Making passive income in the janitorial space.

01:36:30:22 – 01:36:35:15
Ramsey Venner
I guarantee you you will love everything that you see. And if you follow the.

01:36:35:15 – 01:36:39:14
Ramsey Venner
Steps that you’ve that we’ve put together in this program, it will change your life.

01:36:40:01 – 01:36:49:22
Brad Singletary
Dude, I love it. I want to make sure we usually post this on Thursday, so I’ll make sure I have the links and everything I got to get a cool picture of you and I appreciate you being here. Ramsey. You just you.

01:36:49:28 – 01:36:50:07
Ramsey Venner
As.

01:36:50:07 – 01:37:08:08
Brad Singletary
Luis telling you, man, this has been remarkable to me. It’s amazing to me how these episodes keep getting better and better. We’re on like I think this is maybe 98,000. So 98 now we’ve been at this for years. I’m just like, you blow him away, dude. I’m. I’m sitting over here, got the goose bumps listening to what you shared.

01:37:08:19 – 01:37:13:15
Brad Singletary
Thank you so much, man. We want to get your links out there, your your social media, whatever you want to share.

01:37:13:15 – 01:37:13:28
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:37:13:28 – 01:37:28:05
Brad Singletary
And I’ll support you. Do a man. If there’s something I can do, dude, I will. I’ll help you in whatever way I can. So. Absolutely. Thank you for being here, man. I really appreciate it. And you guys. Here’s a story of a man who had every reason to give up.

01:37:28:19 – 01:37:28:29
Ramsey Venner
The.

01:37:29:25 – 01:37:51:12
Brad Singletary
Continue continuous arrests, continuous trouble, substance use was a problem. I’m sure the ladies were a problem. Oh, yeah. You know, you got yourself into trouble. You know, you were a high profile person as an athlete and and all that came crashing down. You learn some humility. Picked up a good book in in the big house.

01:37:51:13 – 01:37:52:06
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. You know.

01:37:52:06 – 01:38:12:03
Brad Singletary
And made a big life for yourself and are making a big life for yourself because the result of those things we use in other men. You asked me questions about things. I hear you talking to these other men and really pursuing their wisdom and and you you just it’s it’s special. It’s a privilege for me to sit here and listen to you, man.

01:38:12:03 – 01:38:20:27
Brad Singletary
I can’t wait to hear this whole thing put together. I don’t think I have one. I don’t think I have one. I think I’ve coughed or maybe I farted in there somewhere, but I.

01:38:21:12 – 01:38:22:08
Ramsey Venner
Was like, Maybe it’s just.

01:38:22:08 – 01:38:26:14
Brad Singletary
Smooth. This is so smooth. I love how you’ve spoken. You’re a nightmare. I appreciate it, Ramsey.

01:38:26:14 – 01:38:27:17
Ramsey Venner
Appreciate you guys.

01:38:27:17 – 01:38:36:06
Brad Singletary
Until next time, no excuses. Alpha Up.

01:38:36:06 – 01:38:40:03
Outro
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:00:18
Ramsey Venner
Rain in a church.

00:00:00:26 – 00:00:01:25
Brad Singletary
How did you meet the pastor?

00:00:02:10 – 00:00:03:15
Ramsey Venner
He was. He was a client.

00:00:03:19 – 00:00:04:14
Ramsey Venner
At the office.

00:00:04:14 – 00:00:05:07
Brad Singletary
House. Okay.

00:00:06:02 – 00:00:07:14
Ramsey Venner
I was. I waited on his table.

00:00:08:09 – 00:00:28:04
Brad Singletary
See this? This whole story, man. This whole thing is about opportunity. Yeah. You’re coming out of prison. You’re trying to work. You know you want more. You’re just talking to the guy. Probably being a good waiter, just having friendly conversation. He’s a pastor. Invited you to church. You go there. Rolling your eyes. Maybe not trying to go to church, but you do.

00:00:28:12 – 00:00:28:21
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:00:28:22 – 00:00:30:11
Brad Singletary
And then he gives you an opportunity.

00:00:30:13 – 00:00:30:23
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:00:30:24 – 00:00:34:06
Brad Singletary
And then you capitalize on that. So where did it go from there? Where is your business now?

00:00:34:17 – 00:00:57:24
Ramsey Venner
And we just celebrated our fourth year anniversary. We are up to 17 employees. I’m on my second office. We have bands now that go all over the city, a 24 hour operation. We do residential cleaning and we do residential, commercial and post-construction cleaning. To date, I haven’t spent a dollar on marketing or advertising, and we’re approaching $1,000,000 a year in sales, dude.

00:00:58:11 – 00:01:22:28
Intro
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, but man, that is always in the pursuit of being better. You are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

00:01:26:05 – 00:01:44:06
Brad Singletary
Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show, Brad Singletary here. I’m super excited about our guest today. I want to tell you a little bit about him. First of all, he’s 43 years old. He owns three businesses here in Las Vegas. He’s a father of six children. He’s the head coach of a six and under tackle football team.

00:01:45:15 – 00:02:08:03
Brad Singletary
He has a college degree in business administration, lettered in football and basketball at Fresno State University. Out of high school, he got a full ride offer between college and when he started his businesses. He spent nine years in prison. We’re going to talk about his journey and the ways that he’s turned himself around. These are the best kind of stories.

00:02:08:03 – 00:02:29:00
Brad Singletary
This is the best kind of man that I know, 43 year old dad who’s just out there getting it done, making big things happen in business, has a beautiful wife, a beautiful family working on a beautiful business. It’s multiple businesses that these guys are operating. We’re going to have him share some of that with us. Gentlemen, please welcome Ramsey Venter.

00:02:29:14 – 00:02:31:00
Ramsey Venner
To serve in the building.

00:02:31:15 – 00:02:33:00
Brad Singletary
Dude, good to have you here.

00:02:33:00 – 00:02:40:09
Ramsey Venner
Good man. This is a pleasure. It’s a pleasure. It’s a blessing. Thanks for the opportunity. And, yeah, man, I’m. I’m. I’m ready to get into it.

00:02:40:10 – 00:02:48:08
Brad Singletary
We’ll get it. We’ll get a picture. They’ll have a view of you from the from the little cover graphic. But, dude, how tall are you?

00:02:48:08 – 00:03:00:18
Ramsey Venner
I’m six, six one. I was in plan weight. I think I was like 285 to 90. If I stay away from the donuts, I can get it like a slim to 76.

00:03:00:18 – 00:03:04:15
Ramsey Venner
And I’m you know so as we go.

00:03:04:19 – 00:03:08:27
Brad Singletary
So Fresno State play football at Fresno State. Derek Carr went to Fresno State.

00:03:08:27 – 00:03:29:06
Ramsey Venner
Right, sir? I play with the car. I play with Michael Pittman. I play with a lot of dudes, man. Bernard Berrien, Charles Smith, Anthony Lambrecht, man. I just the list goes on to some some real solid cars, guys, that made a lot of noise in the NFL. And just, you know, a lot of us are still brothers today.

00:03:29:16 – 00:03:56:20
Ramsey Venner
That’s a mars and still my brother, man, we chop it up on a on a regular he’s actually pushing a really good program up in the bay are like I think Stockton California type area and he’s a defensive coordinator or DB coach for Key Central Coast or something like that. I’m not sure. But yeah man, I got a solid, solid crew around me and you know, I come from a pedigree of of amazing, amazing people, man.

00:03:56:22 – 00:04:01:15
Ramsey Venner
Pat Hill was my coach at Fresno State. I even played under Coach Jerry Tarkanian.

00:04:01:19 – 00:04:02:09
Ramsey Venner
Wow.

00:04:02:10 – 00:04:06:14
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. I walked onto the basketball team.

00:04:07:02 – 00:04:20:07
Brad Singletary
So in in your coaching, we talked a little bit before the show. You’re coaching your son’s six year old football team, the Henderson Cowboys. My son was on that team in the six you team and they won the national championship.

00:04:20:07 – 00:04:21:22
Ramsey Venner
In the championship?

00:04:21:29 – 00:04:28:02
Brad Singletary
Yeah. They were down in San Diego all weekend tournament and yeah, he got a ring and everything. Man, it was pretty that, that.

00:04:28:11 – 00:04:30:01
Ramsey Venner
That’s big shoes to fill, but it’s.

00:04:30:01 – 00:04:34:23
Brad Singletary
An elite team that was like, what, eight years ago now? So yeah, now good times. That stuff is fun.

00:04:35:00 – 00:04:53:05
Ramsey Venner
Listen, I went out there trying to do, you know, just the game silo involved. And the idea was, you know, I was going to but I’m just not a sideline dude. And I sat out there and I was watching the coaches and like, you know, kind of seeing him lose his way. He started playing with bugs in grass, and I’m like.

00:04:53:12 – 00:04:53:21
Ramsey Venner
I got.

00:04:53:21 – 00:05:08:11
Ramsey Venner
To get my dude involved. So, you know, I volunteered to coach on a seven year team because they had all as soon as I got out there and the director of our program saw that, you know, I had a little taste for trying to do something more with the kids. He was like, Yeah, so we’re going to start up at six.

00:05:08:11 – 00:05:16:04
Ramsey Venner
You and you are going to be the color coach. And I was like.

00:05:16:04 – 00:05:16:15
Ramsey Venner
Damn it.

00:05:16:22 – 00:05:20:02
Brad Singletary
I bet they love it. I bet you’re good at it. I mean, how you doing this year? How you started.

00:05:20:02 – 00:05:31:17
Ramsey Venner
Playing the first game yesterday? And we, we, we, we took on the first one, but it gave us a lot to work with when I’ve never been a head coach before and learning the rules, you know, it’s eight on eight.

00:05:31:18 – 00:05:32:00
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:05:33:01 – 00:05:44:18
Ramsey Venner
That the key the other team we were trying to, you know, respect the rules of football and we’re going to have, you know, our linebackers stand back and play their position. And these dudes lined up six people on the line and blitzed every play.

00:05:44:18 – 00:05:46:26
Ramsey Venner
And I was like, That ain’t football.

00:05:47:23 – 00:05:50:16
Ramsey Venner
But yeah, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so we’re going to get it right.

00:05:51:05 – 00:05:59:13
Brad Singletary
So you went to college, played some ball, both football and basketball at Fresno State. You’re you’re running three businesses now. Tell us about those.

00:06:00:04 – 00:06:20:01
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. So, man, 2018, I came to Las Vegas and you know, it was a long, bumpy road. I lived in Reno before that and I was getting in trouble in Reno. And now for transparency, I went to prison a bunch of times for, you know, DUIs. And this I was trying to find my way. And I couldn’t I couldn’t get it right.

00:06:20:01 – 00:06:29:20
Ramsey Venner
I couldn’t last one of the things I joke about with my wife now is that I used to always just listen. If I could get through the summer.

00:06:29:20 – 00:06:30:19
Ramsey Venner
If I could get through.

00:06:30:19 – 00:06:32:20
Ramsey Venner
The summer, then you know it’s going to be.

00:06:32:20 – 00:06:33:05
Ramsey Venner
All good.

00:06:33:05 – 00:06:52:03
Ramsey Venner
Right? And that’s how low the ceiling was for me for a minute. Boy, like all I just wanted to do is if I could just get through one summer of just, you know, not being a knucklehead, then that’s going to be a good summer for me. Or it might be a good year, really. That’s that was, by my calculation, I’m so 2018.

00:06:52:03 – 00:07:14:27
Ramsey Venner
I came to Las Vegas. I was tired of getting in trouble in Reno. I put my my head down. I started as a server for Kings Fish House right here in Henderson. I worked at Kings Beach House as a server, working my way up to a trainer, got promoted into management. It was actually my first management job and the entire time, I mean, like this was coming off of a seven year skid.

00:07:14:27 – 00:07:16:03
Ramsey Venner
Well, like I was away for a.

00:07:16:03 – 00:07:16:29
Ramsey Venner
Minute, right.

00:07:17:07 – 00:07:20:05
Ramsey Venner
And got into the world. And I just say, you know.

00:07:20:28 – 00:07:26:00
Ramsey Venner
With that being my life previous, anything outside of that.

00:07:26:16 – 00:07:33:22
Ramsey Venner
I’ll take it. I didn’t care about how long I worked. I didn’t care about how much I made really. I didn’t I was just like.

00:07:34:22 – 00:07:37:25
Ramsey Venner
Anything to not be, you know, in that.

00:07:37:25 – 00:08:03:22
Ramsey Venner
Box, in that situation, in that, you know, eight by ten room with another grown man like that’s going to be a better life for me. And legit man. I just, I poured into the job. I let them pour into me. They gave me, you know, so much insight and understanding about how to be you know, in a position of leadership and how to, you know, work with people and manage schedules.

00:08:03:22 – 00:08:26:14
Ramsey Venner
And like, I just was like I so everything I could in I started my first business going for janitorial. June 18th, 2018, like about six months out, I was just so eager to be in business for myself, you know, it was a side hustle, but I was like, I know if I came, I could just keep at it.

00:08:26:14 – 00:08:42:22
Ramsey Venner
If I could just keep at it, it’s going to be all right. It’s just I need to start something. And and we started out doing a couple of residential spots up here in Henderson, and the guy had like three real, real nice houses, five, six bedroom houses over there off of Warm Springs.

00:08:43:02 – 00:08:44:23
Ramsey Venner
And but he had.

00:08:45:11 – 00:08:48:16
Ramsey Venner
House packed and we’re all of the different people that lived in.

00:08:48:16 – 00:08:48:25
Ramsey Venner
There.

00:08:49:04 – 00:08:50:13
Ramsey Venner
Didn’t know any of the other people.

00:08:50:27 – 00:08:52:23
Brad Singletary
All like separate units in there.

00:08:52:23 – 00:09:07:12
Ramsey Venner
So yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was like it’s just bedrooms. So basically we took that and turned it into, you know, he wanted me to do two common areas and my only request was I think at first I didn’t know how to bid. I didn’t know how much work was involved. I didn’t know if it was going to be a good look.

00:09:07:22 – 00:09:23:17
Ramsey Venner
I just said, Listen, can you put the name clean for janitorial? Lemme check. So I cared about bro, send the checks and a check to the company. And he was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he’s getting over on me. I mean, I’m telling you, I did.

00:09:24:17 – 00:09:25:19
Brad Singletary
You got took, bro.

00:09:25:19 – 00:09:26:29
Ramsey Venner
I got I got sick for a while.

00:09:26:29 – 00:09:33:20
Ramsey Venner
Right, right. And I used to get dude, I mean, the trash would be stacked up to trash cans because everybody’s walking by each other.

00:09:33:20 – 00:09:48:21
Ramsey Venner
They don’t know each other in the house like you in a regular family is a dynamic way. We’re not going to leave the house looking like this or, you know, if everybody’s nasty in a family, that’s the family. But like, usually if there’s a mom, there’s a dad or somebody saying, don’t leave the house, like just pick up your clothes.

00:09:48:29 – 00:09:58:07
Ramsey Venner
There was none of that in this place, right? So there’s some people maybe smoking weed in the living room. Some people, you know what I mean? Trash in the bathroom is a female. That’s a stripper.

00:09:58:07 – 00:10:02:15
Ramsey Venner
It is a it was sure it was a situation.

00:10:02:15 – 00:10:05:10
Brad Singletary
Where you doing the in the beginning you’re doing the clean every day.

00:10:05:23 – 00:10:22:22
Ramsey Venner
You know, I showed up in this house and, you know, put my gloves on and I’m cleaning common areas like sweep, mop restrooms, the worst of the worst. Right. And taking out the trash, cleaning the kids and getting a greasy stove. Everything blow out the microwave, everything. Didn’t care. And this is after.

00:10:22:22 – 00:10:29:06
Ramsey Venner
Doing a six, seven, eight hour day working. Then after I got promoted to manager, a 14 hour.

00:10:29:06 – 00:10:30:18
Ramsey Venner
Day working and then.

00:10:30:21 – 00:10:38:01
Brad Singletary
Oh, you working at the fish house. Yeah. For a full time job. Yeah. And then you run in this little business. Of course. Now you clean up people’s bathrooms at night.

00:10:38:22 – 00:10:44:20
Ramsey Venner
Bro, like, or somebody in the morning early or Sunday morning early. Yeah, whatever it took and.

00:10:46:01 – 00:11:00:07
Ramsey Venner
Just started talking to my clients while I was there. I was talking my, you know, anybody I could and I was telling them about, you know, my, my, my dream to start another, another business or this little small business that I got going. I don’t know how to get clients, but, you know, look, this is this is what we could do for a year.

00:11:00:08 – 00:11:19:11
Ramsey Venner
This is what I want to do, you know, give us a shot, give me an opportunity. And I got a couple of, like the regular clients that I had. They gave me that side. And I ended up talking to senior pastor Vance Pittman from Hope Church. Great guy, my brother. To this day, I’m talking about my my legit like I feel we’re kindred spirits like me.

00:11:19:11 – 00:11:23:21
Ramsey Venner
And you bro. Like I say, same same vibe where I met him.

00:11:24:13 – 00:11:27:20
Ramsey Venner
You know, totally. Like, it just was like. It was like good chemistry.

00:11:27:21 – 00:11:28:00
Ramsey Venner
Mm.

00:11:28:11 – 00:11:39:03
Ramsey Venner
He’s got a beautiful family. I didn’t even know how big of a dude like. Like in relation to who he was, right? It just he was like, yeah, I’m a part of a church. And I was like, Oh, damn.

00:11:39:03 – 00:11:39:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s good, bro.

00:11:39:26 – 00:11:40:28
Ramsey Venner
And like, you know.

00:11:40:28 – 00:11:52:15
Ramsey Venner
Jesus was like, I met him before I heard him. I think there’s a book about him or something, you know, like this. I was giving it up for him in that regard.

00:11:52:15 – 00:11:54:05
Ramsey Venner
And then I talked to him. He was like, I’m.

00:11:55:09 – 00:11:56:15
Ramsey Venner
Well, look, man, you know.

00:11:57:01 – 00:12:06:29
Ramsey Venner
I said, maybe answer one. You got to come to church. I said, okay, but so I came down and checked by the church and, you know, he was like, How did you like service the next time I saw me? And I was like, it was dope. I was like, I.

00:12:07:13 – 00:12:08:23
Ramsey Venner
I know I’m, you know.

00:12:09:23 – 00:12:16:25
Ramsey Venner
All right. I’ll tell you, I’m like I did in Haiti, and that’s all I had. And he was like, I’m, I’m, I’m will probably introduce you to.

00:12:16:25 – 00:12:17:06
Ramsey Venner
Lou.

00:12:17:18 – 00:12:23:28
Ramsey Venner
Or our facilities guy over there and you know, I don’t know if anything is going to come of it. Just talk to him. So I met.

00:12:23:28 – 00:12:25:06
Ramsey Venner
Him, talked to him.

00:12:25:25 – 00:12:44:21
Ramsey Venner
And nothing happened from from right off but he was another guy vibed with real tough. And actually to this day he’s still my mentor and but you know, I met him, talked to him and, you know, told my my desire was to be in business for myself. And, you know, I didn’t have a family. And I have like I was dating a girl.

00:12:44:21 – 00:12:58:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s all I had. And he was like, Oh, I’m so this is a big job, man. You know what I mean? It’s not a small place. I require this and I require that. I said, Well, I got nothing else going on, man. So whatever you require, I’m a do it. And that was it, you know what I mean?

00:12:58:26 – 00:13:02:11
Ramsey Venner
I was like, That’s it. And that’s my attitude towards it. Like he’s like, killer. He was like, What.

00:13:02:11 – 00:13:03:06
Ramsey Venner
Are you will? You know.

00:13:03:06 – 00:13:20:10
Ramsey Venner
What about your other gig? I would say, I’ll handle it. That’s on me to worry about. If you give me the opportunity, I’m going to do whatever it is that you need. I am legit. It took about five months where I didn’t hear anything. I kept calling, I kept checking back and I. Yeah, we haven’t done anything. We haven’t decided.

00:13:20:10 – 00:13:33:03
Ramsey Venner
I’m gonna give this guy a chance. And I’m, you know, the express that he was having some kind of bouts with this current provider. But as I’ve gotten in the business, I learned is something that, you know, happens. You take your eyes off the ball, take your eyes off the prize, and you know.

00:13:33:11 – 00:13:34:15
Ramsey Venner
It can get where.

00:13:34:24 – 00:13:37:04
Ramsey Venner
Your clients are, wondering how important they are to you.

00:13:37:13 – 00:13:38:05
Ramsey Venner
Right? Yeah.

00:13:38:11 – 00:13:54:03
Ramsey Venner
So, yeah, that was going on. It took a bunch of months. I kept working at the first house, I started getting other little clients and then one day I got a call and he was like, Hey, so come on over here. I want to talk to you about something. And I was like, and listen.

00:13:54:17 – 00:13:55:13
Ramsey Venner
Today, you know, I.

00:13:55:13 – 00:14:23:03
Ramsey Venner
Made a couple like 100 bucks here, 100 bucks there, but it wasn’t like anything super significant. It was like I had a couple of people that were dialing my number on a regular and enough to where, you know, it even started interfering with work a little bit like I’m getting because now I’ve learned how to put out my ads or I’ve made up a little flier or something saying, you know, come check me out or we’re we’re doing a special for spring cleaning.

00:14:23:08 – 00:14:37:03
Ramsey Venner
Anything, you mean? Little thing that I can’t cause I’m trying to build my business. Anyway, at one point he was like, Yeah, come on over here and let’s talk about it. So I get over there and I talk to him and he’s like, you know, you think you can handle this? And I was like.

00:14:37:19 – 00:14:38:01
Ramsey Venner
Well.

00:14:39:10 – 00:14:56:07
Ramsey Venner
There’s nothing that’s going to stop me from giving you everything that I got if my best is not good enough. And that’s going to be the only thing because I’m gonna give you my best. And, you know, he basically told me that, you know, we’re going to give you the opportunity. Do you have your paperwork in place? And I need it, my insurance and my, you know, licenses.

00:14:56:16 – 00:15:01:16
Ramsey Venner
I had everything in place at this point. And yeah, that was like one of my first big ones. And to this.

00:15:01:16 – 00:15:03:19
Brad Singletary
Day, you appreciate that you’re cleaning the church.

00:15:03:24 – 00:15:06:15
Ramsey Venner
Brandon The church, dude. I mean, in the church.

00:15:06:16 – 00:15:07:19
Brad Singletary
Well, how did you meet the pastor?

00:15:08:02 – 00:15:10:17
Ramsey Venner
He was a he was a client at the first house.

00:15:10:17 – 00:15:11:01
Brad Singletary
Okay.

00:15:11:06 – 00:15:13:09
Ramsey Venner
So I was I waited on this table.

00:15:14:04 – 00:15:19:09
Brad Singletary
See this this whole story, man, I’m see, I can already see it shaping up. This whole thing is about opportunity.

00:15:19:14 – 00:15:20:07
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, you’re.

00:15:20:07 – 00:15:35:20
Brad Singletary
Coming out of prison, you’re trying to work. You know, you want more, you’re just talking to the guy. Probably being a good waiter, just having a friendly conversation. He’s a pastor, invited you to church. You go there, rolling your eyes, maybe not trying to go to church, but you do.

00:15:35:28 – 00:15:36:08
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:15:36:08 – 00:15:37:28
Brad Singletary
And then he gives you an opportunity.

00:15:37:28 – 00:15:38:10
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:15:38:11 – 00:15:42:24
Brad Singletary
And then you. And then you then capitalize on that. So where do you go from there? Where where’s your business now?

00:15:42:24 – 00:16:12:00
Ramsey Venner
This is I mean, we’re our fourth year and we just celebrated our fourth year anniversary. 2018 to 2000 is 22. Yeah, yeah. June 18th we celebrated our fourth year in business. We are up to 17 employees. I’m on my second office. We have vans now that go all over the city. We have a 24 hour operation. We do residential cleaning and we do residential, commercial and post-construction cleaning.

00:16:12:00 – 00:16:29:06
Ramsey Venner
We do like like if they go and build a building from the ground up, we’re the people that touch it last before they hand the keys over to the owners. Okay, so we do that. And then one of the things that I’m the most proud of, what it is allowed me to launch my third business, which is blueprints to janitorial success.

00:16:29:11 – 00:16:29:20
Ramsey Venner
Okay.

00:16:29:29 – 00:16:46:02
Ramsey Venner
Now, in those four years, every lesson that I’ve learned, every tape and trick on how to be the best, you know, playing service in the world, you know, reputation. I haven’t to date, I haven’t spent a dollar in marketing or advertising and we’re approaching $1,000,000 a year in sales.

00:16:46:05 – 00:16:49:14
Ramsey Venner
Dude, no. See this?

00:16:49:29 – 00:17:03:06
Brad Singletary
I mean, you got every excuse in the book. Yeah, you got every excuse in the book to just be super average, you know what I mean? Because I’m guessing with the legal background and stuff that makes that was was that a limiting factor with the jobs and stuff coming out?

00:17:04:10 – 00:17:08:24
Ramsey Venner
I mean, a lot of people say that, bro. So I, I don’t know, I.

00:17:08:24 – 00:17:15:27
Ramsey Venner
Just I never accept that as a reality. Right. Of course, you know, I just it just never was my reality. It just I’d.

00:17:15:27 – 00:17:16:15
Ramsey Venner
Never.

00:17:16:29 – 00:17:28:06
Ramsey Venner
I’m a felon. I’ve been a felon for a lot of years. I got jobs every opportunity that I was like from 2000. And I see I started getting in trouble in like 2000.

00:17:28:29 – 00:17:31:12
Brad Singletary
So you just ignored that whole notion.

00:17:31:24 – 00:17:32:10
Ramsey Venner
Why you.

00:17:32:10 – 00:17:32:27
Brad Singletary
Can’t do it?

00:17:33:27 – 00:17:34:22
Ramsey Venner
Well, why accept it?

00:17:34:23 – 00:17:40:20
Ramsey Venner
So tell me that. Why accept it? Why? I say because somebody told me that that’s what I am, that I have to accept that.

00:17:40:21 – 00:17:42:26
Ramsey Venner
Like why?

00:17:43:22 – 00:17:53:15
Ramsey Venner
Because if I accept that label, then I accept everything that comes with it. Oh, yeah, I’m a felon. I’m an ex-felon. I can’t get a job. I can’t be regular. I can’t do anything but continue to get in trouble with crime.

00:17:53:23 – 00:18:00:07
Ramsey Venner
Nah, that’s not how I want to live. I’ve been in a box. I didn’t like it. No, I didn’t like it. It wasn’t cool. Somebody telling me.

00:18:00:19 – 00:18:21:28
Ramsey Venner
You know, the word, the. The most emasculating thing about prison, bro. The most emasculating thing about prison. And as a man, I don’t know if it just is like the same or to deal, but they they try to break you down on day one when you’re there and you got to do the strip out, you know, because they take your clothes or whatever and they hand you somebody else’s underwear, bro.

00:18:22:19 – 00:18:28:25
Ramsey Venner
Somebody else’s. Like these are the underwear that you’re going to. We’re going forward. This is your uniform. This is your new outfit. You follow.

00:18:28:25 – 00:18:29:02
Ramsey Venner
Me.

00:18:29:02 – 00:18:29:19
Brad Singletary
Right?

00:18:30:27 – 00:18:35:21
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, it’ll touch you. Broke it does something to your spirit.

00:18:35:21 – 00:18:38:09
Brad Singletary
Like you don’t get to choose what kind of drowsy.

00:18:38:09 – 00:18:55:06
Ramsey Venner
We’re going to choose. You just don’t wear that. What would you mean? I don’t wear. Didn’t that earns you feel me like they gave me the bad man draws here bro put these on and this is what you or nothing right? They that touch.

00:18:55:06 – 00:18:56:22
Ramsey Venner
Me, bro. That too. And every.

00:18:56:22 – 00:18:57:20
Ramsey Venner
Time you go in here.

00:18:58:21 – 00:19:21:01
Ramsey Venner
Because I win a couple times, I wasn’t like I didn’t learn from it. Like I didn’t get serious time where I thought because it was a DUI, this isn’t that bad. This is, you know, a super serious thing. I’m not robbing people. I’m not out here being a criminal. Criminal? Yeah, I just I got caught drinking and driving, but I had a judge, Judge Brant Adams in the arena.

00:19:22:27 – 00:19:24:23
Ramsey Venner
Him and his prosecutor.

00:19:25:08 – 00:19:26:01
Ramsey Venner
They gave me.

00:19:26:19 – 00:19:34:17
Ramsey Venner
Bro. I remember when I got when I got the time, they changed my life, it making me emotional because it’s like.

00:19:35:16 – 00:19:37:03
Ramsey Venner
They hit me with a bar I had.

00:19:37:03 – 00:19:45:24
Ramsey Venner
Never, like, ever heard before, right? So my lawyer was a paid attorney and I thought I was in good hands and I was like, you know, he came.

00:19:46:17 – 00:19:49:17
Ramsey Venner
When he story came in in the little room before.

00:19:50:00 – 00:19:55:01
Ramsey Venner
Before I went out to get my sentencing. All right, I’m going to look. It’s all good. So we got.

00:19:55:01 – 00:19:55:10
Ramsey Venner
You.

00:19:55:22 – 00:20:08:24
Ramsey Venner
Home. We got all of your letters from your family, and we got all of the information that you gave us about a ten and a and we know that you’re working right now and we see that you’re trying hard. Listen, I’ve talked to the judge. I had previous dealings with him.

00:20:09:14 – 00:20:17:02
Ramsey Venner
This is not this was this a his daughter? Listen, we.

00:20:17:02 – 00:20:18:19
Ramsey Venner
Got relations outside of this.

00:20:18:28 – 00:20:20:24
Ramsey Venner
So he knows.

00:20:21:19 – 00:20:42:05
Ramsey Venner
If I back somebody, then he’s really a good dude. You know, maybe he said you’re going to be okay. Listen, I talked to him and I talked to the prosecutor. No, I went out there. This guy ran this whole thing about, yeah, Mr. Green is working. And, you know, it would be a super detriment to his family. I mean, he’s got a young daughter and right now and, you know, he was the guy that sent away.

00:20:42:05 – 00:20:44:10
Ramsey Venner
His daughter wouldn’t have the benefit.

00:20:44:10 – 00:20:59:10
Ramsey Venner
Of of growing up with her father. And she’s in the critical years of her life. And he lives so hard on that. That was a time his daughter had had some kind of a issue and the judge was there and supported him through his daughter’s issues. So he felt.

00:20:59:10 – 00:21:01:16
Ramsey Venner
Like why relating.

00:21:02:05 – 00:21:11:23
Ramsey Venner
My defense to my daughter, that would tender the judge to give me some kind of favor wherever his play was. Right, right, right.

00:21:11:23 – 00:21:17:25
Ramsey Venner
But he said that rested his case. And then then the D.A. stood up. He said.

00:21:19:12 – 00:21:24:13
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, we heard about Mr. Vinter and his daughter. And, you know how it’d be such a terrible.

00:21:24:13 – 00:21:30:18
Ramsey Venner
Thing when if he was to go away. And I just like to have you take.

00:21:30:18 – 00:21:48:00
Ramsey Venner
A look at Mr. Vendor. Mr. Brennan, if you don’t mind standing up. And I’m like, I stand up and he’s like, you know, like 66, 275, maybe the paperwork here says he’s like £280. You say, Your Honor.

00:21:48:17 – 00:21:49:24
Ramsey Venner
I would be a shame.

00:21:50:13 – 00:21:55:00
Ramsey Venner
If I was that big. And I tried to hide behind a little girl.

00:21:55:00 – 00:22:11:27
Ramsey Venner
I said, Bro, it went downhill with skis over me. Just let me have it, man. Is guy that it that I was the worst being sister you know what I mean? Like I’m talking about he’s.

00:22:11:27 – 00:22:28:14
Ramsey Venner
Like and here’s the he said the thing with DUIs, Your Honor, is that we don’t know who the vic and that kind of hit hard. Right. He was like, you know, if he was a robber, if he was a vic, you know what I mean? We’d have the person, you know, that could point out say he did this, you said.

00:22:28:14 – 00:22:37:14
Ramsey Venner
But when this guy makes the choice to get alcohol in his system and get behind, you know, a 20 £500 vehicle and drive crazy.

00:22:38:14 – 00:22:41:21
Ramsey Venner
We don’t know who he can hurt. We don’t know who he could kill. You don’t know who.

00:22:41:21 – 00:22:50:25
Ramsey Venner
You stared on the freeway. You know what I mean? That just because you were swerving and you did something bad. Yeah, I’m poor, my heart. Out to you right now, bro, because it’s like.

00:22:52:03 – 00:22:53:29
Ramsey Venner
That line.

00:22:55:14 – 00:23:03:06
Ramsey Venner
It resonated with. I thought about my parents, my mom, my dad, anything, my loved ones, you know.

00:23:03:07 – 00:23:04:27
Ramsey Venner
Even being in a life and out.

00:23:04:27 – 00:23:09:07
Ramsey Venner
There like you don’t think about it, somebody swerving and just.

00:23:09:13 – 00:23:11:26
Ramsey Venner
Pick a mass you and just wreck your life.

00:23:11:26 – 00:23:14:04
Ramsey Venner
Don’t wreck your.

00:23:14:04 – 00:23:19:24
Ramsey Venner
Life without you know, you have an anyway you’re not in the wrong and this thing happens to you.

00:23:19:24 – 00:23:27:25
Ramsey Venner
Because somebody else made bad choices. And when that happened to me, I said that whatever came with it and some came with it too.

00:23:28:03 – 00:23:36:27
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, he had in me time like it was sitting around by his jacket. Jimmy He gave me a 6 to 15 year sentence. Wow.

00:23:37:01 – 00:23:59:02
Ramsey Venner
No accident, no death. No person got hurt. This. I came in front of the same judge too many times. 6 to 15 years. He said, look, he said 75 to 120 months. That’s how to give you time. MARINO Right. To 120 months, bro. Like.

00:23:59:27 – 00:24:02:20
Ramsey Venner
I can’t even like I’m like, what are you.

00:24:02:20 – 00:24:05:00
Brad Singletary
Doing, man? You got to do some math for me.

00:24:05:00 – 00:24:11:15
Ramsey Venner
Wait, what is this guy talking to me, bro? Like, are you sick? So anyway, that happened. Well.

00:24:12:11 – 00:24:13:15
Ramsey Venner
Know what I mean?

00:24:13:16 – 00:24:21:21
Brad Singletary
I seems like even in that though, you had a decent attitude about it, like you’re saying, you just accepted whatever, whatever it was.

00:24:22:05 – 00:24:36:05
Ramsey Venner
Well, I mean, at that point, you know, I’ve seen the Court TV shows when you when you go jump over the fence and, you know, try to run up out of here, it was like that or. Yeah. And then so at this.

00:24:36:05 – 00:24:38:19
Ramsey Venner
Size, 62, 52, 70.

00:24:39:10 – 00:24:40:01
Ramsey Venner
I know me and.

00:24:40:01 – 00:24:43:14
Ramsey Venner
The police, if I ever fight them, it’s not going to.

00:24:43:14 – 00:24:44:25
Ramsey Venner
Be a good look for you, boy. Right?

00:24:44:25 – 00:25:05:02
Ramsey Venner
Right. They’re going to call all the cops there and it’s night. So I’ve always been respectful. Actually, my mom taught me that because she used to be a Harris County sheriff in West Palm Beach. Well, so always been respectful, always like had decent rapport. I understand he’s doing a job and if I wasn’t in the wrong myself, why would me in this do being constantly right?

00:25:05:10 – 00:25:26:17
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean? We’re only in conflict because I’m choosing to be a knucklehead on this day. So I never took that stance that, you know, I’m f the police or you know what I mean? Like, I mean, that’s the way it’s gotten now. That’s, that’s totally different. But like, as it related to my personal situation, I never felt like the cops were just the problem previously.

00:25:27:04 – 00:25:29:19
Ramsey Venner
Now, it’s a little crazy to what’s going on in the world right now.

00:25:30:19 – 00:25:53:18
Brad Singletary
I, you know, I started my career in behavioral health, working around like the justice, some of the folks in the justice system, juvenile justice and adult probation and parole and stuff. And you definitely think different than a lot of those guys. And I wonder if that’s something you developed or you’ve always been there. You know, a lot of them, frankly, are psychopaths, you know, not sociopathic.

00:25:53:18 – 00:26:09:28
Brad Singletary
There’s no empathy. They don’t really care even in what you’re talking about. You know, you’re saying you were you were affected by the things that were being said by the prosecuting attorney. And like, I don’t know, you just your your mind is different than a lot of those cats. You know, you you spend a lot of time with them.

00:26:10:00 – 00:26:16:13
Brad Singletary
Yeah. How is it different? What did you do? You have to shape yourself as this maturing that you’ve done, which I’m sure you have, obviously.

00:26:16:19 – 00:26:44:06
Ramsey Venner
I mean, I feel the plight, right? I feel I feel I feel the struggle. I mean, I’m aware and I study. I mean, you can see in black and white if you study history, American history, the you know, the United States government through like the the New Deal, they subsidized they subsidized the destruction of the family and and.

00:26:44:06 – 00:26:44:20
Ramsey Venner
Mainly.

00:26:44:20 – 00:26:52:26
Ramsey Venner
Poor families. Because if you get the mom out or you get the you compensate the mom for having more kids.

00:26:53:07 – 00:26:55:01
Ramsey Venner
But take the money away.

00:26:55:01 – 00:26:57:14
Ramsey Venner
If there’s a male around, then you replace.

00:26:57:14 – 00:26:58:26
Ramsey Venner
The male with the state.

00:26:59:29 – 00:27:01:09
Ramsey Venner
Which has like.

00:27:01:10 – 00:27:03:13
Ramsey Venner
Tremendous, tremendous.

00:27:03:13 – 00:27:16:17
Ramsey Venner
Ramifications, negative ramifications for the family structure. The family structure is demolished because of things that we thought were benefits for the poor and disenfranchized. Right.

00:27:16:27 – 00:27:17:26
Ramsey Venner
But it’s not the case.

00:27:18:28 – 00:27:20:17
Brad Singletary
I love what you’re saying. I’m glad you’re saying it.

00:27:20:17 – 00:27:22:29
Ramsey Venner
Absolutely not the case. All of those things.

00:27:22:29 – 00:27:27:21
Ramsey Venner
Those programs that there are I mean, there’s a certain sect of the population that you should say, yes.

00:27:27:21 – 00:27:28:04
Ramsey Venner
Sir.

00:27:28:05 – 00:27:35:24
Ramsey Venner
You’re down on your luck right now. Here, let me give you a hand. But when you have generational welfare, generational people on food stamps, and.

00:27:35:24 – 00:27:38:16
Ramsey Venner
They never think to get out of it, because.

00:27:38:16 – 00:27:41:19
Ramsey Venner
This is how it’s always been.

00:27:41:19 – 00:27:42:05
Ramsey Venner
And you.

00:27:42:05 – 00:27:43:09
Ramsey Venner
Normalize all of the.

00:27:43:09 – 00:27:44:09
Ramsey Venner
Things that are negative.

00:27:44:13 – 00:27:48:06
Ramsey Venner
Normalize drug dealing. We normalize hustling, we normalize, you know.

00:27:48:22 – 00:27:52:15
Ramsey Venner
The idols are not the person that’s going to work.

00:27:52:21 – 00:27:56:08
Ramsey Venner
These cracked on and made jokes up. Right. You got that job, man.

00:27:56:09 – 00:27:57:14
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. Yeah.

00:27:57:17 – 00:28:01:14
Ramsey Venner
Going over there to be a slave for them. People. I got my check coming.

00:28:01:24 – 00:28:13:21
Ramsey Venner
But you don’t realize when you when you take on that idea, that mentality, you’ve relegated yourself to too unimportant forever. You are. You are. See?

00:28:14:23 – 00:28:16:29
Ramsey Venner
Put in a place in a box, in a position where you.

00:28:16:29 – 00:28:22:10
Ramsey Venner
Are controlled by the people that you know you are most at odds with in your own mind.

00:28:22:25 – 00:28:33:05
Ramsey Venner
Well, I think I’ve heard I heard a guy say and I might have been a Wall Street chopper. I follow him on social media, so I trap yo. He said.

00:28:34:10 – 00:28:35:26
Ramsey Venner
If you let them feed you.

00:28:36:14 – 00:28:39:29
Ramsey Venner
You can’t be mad when they take the food away.

00:28:39:29 – 00:28:47:23
Ramsey Venner
Right. And what that means, go is like whatever it is that you’re putting out there, you think that you’re getting.

00:28:47:23 – 00:28:51:19
Ramsey Venner
Over by not having to go to work and you got somebody that’s a comedy in your life.

00:28:51:27 – 00:29:05:12
Ramsey Venner
You are 100% under the thumb of the guys that you say are prissy. You are, except in that oppression. So I’ve never, you know, in the struggle, I can see how you.

00:29:05:12 – 00:29:05:23
Ramsey Venner
Got to.

00:29:05:23 – 00:29:13:01
Ramsey Venner
Where you’re at. I can see why we are where we are. And now that I can see it, I can’t accept it.

00:29:13:02 – 00:29:14:27
Ramsey Venner
That’s the way I’m supposed to continue.

00:29:14:27 – 00:29:15:11
Ramsey Venner
To act.

00:29:15:11 – 00:29:15:23
Ramsey Venner
Because I.

00:29:15:23 – 00:29:19:24
Ramsey Venner
Realize you act the way you do because you are following a.

00:29:19:24 – 00:29:21:00
Ramsey Venner
Script that was designed.

00:29:21:00 – 00:29:23:13
Ramsey Venner
For you, not by you before you.

00:29:23:25 – 00:29:24:26
Brad Singletary
Oh, it’s interesting.

00:29:25:07 – 00:29:26:01
Ramsey Venner
Come on. Now, listen.

00:29:26:01 – 00:29:26:09
Ramsey Venner
To who’s.

00:29:26:09 – 00:29:26:23
Brad Singletary
Designing the.

00:29:26:23 – 00:29:39:00
Ramsey Venner
Script. Who’s this? Right, right, right. Who’s designing the script? Because when you think about it, there’s media companies, there’s music industry. And the things that.

00:29:39:00 – 00:29:40:13
Ramsey Venner
Get on that we are able.

00:29:40:13 – 00:29:50:27
Ramsey Venner
To listen to. The programing that we do have is just that. It’s programing. It’s programing. If you don’t even.

00:29:51:15 – 00:29:54:26
Ramsey Venner
Like the song, but you hear the song so many times.

00:29:55:08 – 00:29:55:19
Ramsey Venner
That you.

00:29:55:19 – 00:29:56:08
Ramsey Venner
Know the song.

00:29:56:08 – 00:29:58:24
Ramsey Venner
Word for word, and you’re singing these lyrics.

00:29:59:09 – 00:30:02:12
Ramsey Venner
They are raunchier and raunchier and raunchier right now. You’re so.

00:30:02:12 – 00:30:05:14
Ramsey Venner
Focused on everything that’s negative and not.

00:30:05:22 – 00:30:20:00
Ramsey Venner
Beneficial. Org in to change your life in the slightest. I’ma tell you to be a hustler. I’ma tell you to be a gangster. I’m a tell you to be a pimp. I’m a tell you to do all of these things that don’t bring any value to your community. I’m just going to tell you to keep doing the nonsense that you’ve been doing, because you know what?

00:30:20:06 – 00:30:21:21
Ramsey Venner
It allows me to control you.

00:30:22:28 – 00:30:24:14
Ramsey Venner
And as long as I control you.

00:30:24:22 – 00:30:27:24
Ramsey Venner
I don’t have to worry about you. You’re not a problem.

00:30:29:05 – 00:30:30:12
Brad Singletary
And you’re a consumer.

00:30:30:23 – 00:30:31:16
Ramsey Venner
And you’re a consumer.

00:30:32:05 – 00:30:43:02
Brad Singletary
I’m thinking about what? What is the magic of keeping people in their situation and it’s because now we got we got we got some consumers. That’s who’s buying the sneakers in and around real.

00:30:43:13 – 00:30:46:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s what you’re doing. You know you go to work a ten hour, 12 hour day.

00:30:47:14 – 00:30:57:07
Ramsey Venner
At a menial job. One, you’re not going to try to do anything greater than that menial job because it’s you don’t have those ambitions in you. You don’t have the financial education to say this is what’s going to happen.

00:30:57:14 – 00:30:58:07
Ramsey Venner
If you.

00:30:58:12 – 00:31:03:02
Ramsey Venner
You know, save your money or if you invest or if you if you buy instead of buying.

00:31:03:16 – 00:31:08:29
Ramsey Venner
The Nike’s if you buy Nike the company. Yes, right. Yeah.

00:31:09:08 – 00:31:11:08
Ramsey Venner
If you buy Nike, the company with that.

00:31:11:08 – 00:31:12:22
Ramsey Venner
Same hundred bucks, every.

00:31:12:22 – 00:31:31:06
Ramsey Venner
Time you get ready to go buy, some days you put 150 in Nike stock. We’ll look that Nike stock not only is going to maintain its value, maybe goes up and down depending on the stock market. But Mike is going to kick you a dividend. We’re saying, hey, way to go from being an investor. Wait, so every hundred and 50 bucks that I was going to spend on days, I took that and I bought Nike stock.

00:31:31:06 – 00:31:34:02
Ramsey Venner
Now I’m getting dividends on top of that, the money never went anywhere.

00:31:34:10 – 00:31:40:19
Ramsey Venner
Wait, I can make a loan against that equity. I don’t need a bank. I am the bank.

00:31:41:20 – 00:31:50:06
Ramsey Venner
That’s not information that’s give me. Now we’re going to show you the commercial and say go put on a jay because it’ll make you jump higher and you can still play basketball. Listen.

00:31:50:17 – 00:31:54:13
Ramsey Venner
Of the however many million inner city kids.

00:31:55:01 – 00:31:58:28
Ramsey Venner
There’s way 31 basketball teams with 14 people on each team.

00:31:59:14 – 00:32:04:18
Ramsey Venner
What’s the odds, bro? Yeah, what’s the odds? But anybody can open.

00:32:04:18 – 00:32:21:21
Ramsey Venner
A Robinhood account. Anybody can go to a Charles Schwab, anybody can put $1,000 away and go buy that Nike stock and keep doing it over the course of, you know, your five years, your ten years, the 20 years, and you can be seen on an end so quick because that money is going to keep doubling and tripling.

00:32:22:03 – 00:32:28:02
Ramsey Venner
And exponentially growing. Would you now have access a wealth?

00:32:28:02 – 00:32:45:25
Brad Singletary
So you talked about prison, gave you some hunger. It gave you some desire to never be in that situation, to improve yourself, to get somewhere. You said something earlier about being significant. I don’t that’s not the word to use, but something about, you know, becoming somebody, doing something with yourself. So so I want to talk about some of the ways that you’ve done that, man.

00:32:45:25 – 00:33:06:24
Brad Singletary
You’re obviously well on your way. You got three businesses and talked about earlier. One of the I forget who you’re talking about, a coach maybe or someone was a mentor. But in the in the pre-show talk that we had here pregame and you were talking about some others who had mentor to oh, that was the guy who the janitor.

00:33:07:05 – 00:33:07:09
Ramsey Venner
Shirt.

00:33:07:13 – 00:33:10:13
Brad Singletary
For the church or whatever he was a mentor and and a pastor.

00:33:10:13 – 00:33:10:23
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:33:11:04 – 00:33:19:10
Brad Singletary
Uh, by the way, you’re still involved. You’re you going in? You ain’t just there to get opportunities. You know, you’re there for you. There for the whole thing, right?

00:33:19:18 – 00:33:22:10
Ramsey Venner
I was baptized on Memorial Day.

00:33:22:22 – 00:33:24:12
Ramsey Venner
A year or.

00:33:24:12 – 00:33:38:16
Ramsey Venner
Two ago. I don’t know. Yeah, I think it’s a I just celebrate the one year anniversary of being baptized and, you know, finding and following Jesus Christ every day. I have no qualms about that. My is I came I used to.

00:33:38:16 – 00:33:38:28
Ramsey Venner
Be.

00:33:39:15 – 00:34:04:10
Ramsey Venner
A but the thought process that I was agnostic and I don’t oh so but that’s nonsense right look around you when you look at how the body, the cells, the muscles, everything is set in divine order. Okay, say, say there’s not a god. That’s right. Now, watching my every move in life and, you know, helping me make decisions.

00:34:04:10 – 00:34:19:13
Ramsey Venner
Right. But at some point somebody said all of this stuff and most right. And it’s in a divine order. Matter how the trees grow. Release carbon dioxide or release oxygen, and we release carbon dioxide that keeps the trees growing like beds.

00:34:20:18 – 00:34:22:05
Ramsey Venner
It’s bigger than you know what I mean?

00:34:22:05 – 00:34:24:16
Ramsey Venner
Like, then this is not accidental.

00:34:24:16 – 00:34:25:25
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. How we’re here.

00:34:25:25 – 00:34:29:15
Ramsey Venner
And what we’re doing and how we’re living is not accidental. How there’s, you know.

00:34:30:11 – 00:34:31:21
Ramsey Venner
Just their seasons.

00:34:32:04 – 00:34:33:01
Brad Singletary
Yes. I’m with.

00:34:33:17 – 00:34:38:15
Ramsey Venner
Their seasons. You know what I mean? There’s seasons where in certain seasons, animals.

00:34:39:14 – 00:34:41:05
Ramsey Venner
Naturally want to go.

00:34:41:05 – 00:34:42:22
Ramsey Venner
In and reproduce.

00:34:43:04 – 00:34:44:09
Ramsey Venner
How, you know.

00:34:44:09 – 00:34:45:23
Ramsey Venner
Bees know where to go to get.

00:34:45:23 – 00:34:50:00
Ramsey Venner
Like all of this stuff is like it’s it’s perfect image.

00:34:50:00 – 00:34:50:26
Ramsey Venner
Design and it’s.

00:34:50:26 – 00:34:58:23
Ramsey Venner
Orchestration and there’s no way that this is all just happenstance. This is just you don’t have to believe.

00:34:58:23 – 00:35:03:22
Ramsey Venner
In and follow Jesus. You don’t want to believe that he died on the cross. You think it’s a fairy tale?

00:35:03:22 – 00:35:04:10
Ramsey Venner
What? How come.

00:35:04:10 – 00:35:07:00
Ramsey Venner
Every religion, every culture.

00:35:07:15 – 00:35:08:21
Ramsey Venner
Every human on the.

00:35:08:21 – 00:35:09:23
Ramsey Venner
Planet, every type.

00:35:09:23 – 00:35:12:06
Ramsey Venner
Of people have some type of.

00:35:12:24 – 00:35:14:14
Ramsey Venner
Understanding for something greater.

00:35:14:14 – 00:35:15:04
Ramsey Venner
Than us?

00:35:15:28 – 00:35:20:25
Ramsey Venner
Right. So it was a no brainer for me to find faith. Like, I just.

00:35:20:28 – 00:35:21:13
Ramsey Venner
Didn’t.

00:35:22:01 – 00:35:35:11
Ramsey Venner
Know how serious it was. And until I started observing, like not only that that things are in order, but when you are faithful, when you follow the.

00:35:35:11 – 00:35:35:29
Ramsey Venner
Word.

00:35:36:00 – 00:35:48:01
Ramsey Venner
When you follow it, like everything that’s that’s put in the Bible. I’m a realist to say, you know, I know man has had his hand on it. Right. I know the you know, there was a there is a concave or.

00:35:48:01 – 00:35:49:06
Ramsey Venner
Canon meeting.

00:35:49:06 – 00:35:50:22
Ramsey Venner
And they decided with books.

00:35:50:22 – 00:35:54:24
Ramsey Venner
Were that were what you know what I mean. Yeah But at some point.

00:35:55:11 – 00:36:08:23
Ramsey Venner
The thing that has lasted throughout time, throughout time, throughout every man’s chance and try an attempt to disrupt it and corrupt it and use it for is negative. Like the word of God is still bro in.

00:36:09:18 – 00:36:10:29
Ramsey Venner
His promises thing.

00:36:11:18 – 00:36:13:05
Ramsey Venner
His promises are true. When you put.

00:36:13:07 – 00:36:15:11
Ramsey Venner
When you when you post up and you really.

00:36:15:11 – 00:36:23:01
Ramsey Venner
Look at it like have you I think I heard today my pastor, Pastor Scott said.

00:36:23:01 – 00:36:24:28
Ramsey Venner
You may not have.

00:36:24:28 – 00:36:27:28
Ramsey Venner
Always gotten what you want. No, no, no. I was pastor urging.

00:36:28:01 – 00:36:28:10
Ramsey Venner
You may.

00:36:28:10 – 00:36:31:24
Ramsey Venner
Not have gotten what you wanted, but his God, it always has.

00:36:31:25 – 00:36:35:22
Ramsey Venner
Given you what you need. It may not have always.

00:36:35:22 – 00:36:39:05
Ramsey Venner
Got what you wanted, but God has always given you what you need. It like have you?

00:36:39:05 – 00:36:39:27
Ramsey Venner
If you really think.

00:36:39:27 – 00:36:41:27
Brad Singletary
About you had everything you ever needed.

00:36:41:29 – 00:36:43:16
Ramsey Venner
Always you want.

00:36:43:18 – 00:36:45:27
Brad Singletary
It worked out. It worked out. Whatever it was.

00:36:45:27 – 00:36:57:01
Ramsey Venner
Listen, I had a personal crisis going on last week, like every other week. Anyway, I had a president is going on last week because.

00:36:59:00 – 00:37:25:29
Ramsey Venner
My pastor, another pastor, I hope my brilliant brother, Mayor Ricky said, pastor, it’s say, you know, we have these challenges where our faith meets reality. I know I’m supposed to be faith. I know I’m supposed to just do painting, clothes and abide. And God is, you know, take back that a long time and just wait for it all to happen and God, I got this dude knocking on my door right now.

00:37:25:29 – 00:37:44:06
Ramsey Venner
That I owe bread right now. Like these people talk about they’ve got to take my car guy, like, you know what I mean? I know you. You going always have what I need, but I kind of need the car right now. Jesus is like, Where are you at right now? I got like, Ginger. Ginger, please, just, you know, like five, six bags would make this thing make a lot more sense.

00:37:44:21 – 00:37:47:27
Ramsey Venner
Listen. And I had a personal crisis going where.

00:37:48:08 – 00:38:14:04
Ramsey Venner
I was in that place. But I have a praying wife. I have a praying wife. And, you know, we just see calms me. She calms my spirit where I’m like is bad, babe. I don’t feel good. I don’t feel good about the things that are happening. I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be in this place. I work.

00:38:14:04 – 00:38:14:22
Ramsey Venner
Too hard.

00:38:15:18 – 00:38:15:28
Ramsey Venner
Right?

00:38:16:13 – 00:38:39:04
Ramsey Venner
But the things that I’m working, that I’m being met with, with resistance and I’m running into obstacles and stuff that I you know, I’m not planning this. I have my merchant processing system to stop for two weeks. And I ran like one of the worst things in business is that when you have your mind.

00:38:39:10 – 00:38:40:28
Ramsey Venner
And your systems and processes.

00:38:40:28 – 00:38:41:28
Ramsey Venner
And you’ve done.

00:38:41:28 – 00:38:43:11
Ramsey Venner
Good work for your clients and they’re.

00:38:43:11 – 00:38:56:28
Ramsey Venner
Willing to pay you, they’re they’re paying on time. They’re trying to get settled up so you can keep doing what you’re doing. You got a good thing going, Hey, we like you over here. Come on back here. Come on back and Mark.

00:38:57:19 – 00:38:58:11
Brad Singletary
Collect the money.

00:38:58:18 – 00:39:03:28
Ramsey Venner
Collect the money, bro. I got to send this guy to somewhere else. Do you got to do this?

00:39:03:28 – 00:39:05:01
Ramsey Venner
Pays his team over here.

00:39:05:09 – 00:39:09:25
Ramsey Venner
I’m going to send you a new way. And I’m in four year business.

00:39:09:25 – 00:39:10:12
Ramsey Venner
So this is.

00:39:10:12 – 00:39:11:27
Ramsey Venner
My, you know, me.

00:39:11:27 – 00:39:16:20
Ramsey Venner
Ramsay, Vinny, the the. The guy that’s doing some side cleaning on the side.

00:39:16:20 – 00:39:17:24
Ramsey Venner
Man, I got a brand.

00:39:17:25 – 00:39:20:01
Brad Singletary
Yeah, people pay. Pay that you pay in there.

00:39:20:15 – 00:39:31:04
Ramsey Venner
I got a label, I got I got employees man that that better I’m taking care of their families to these dues have to answer to their wives you found me like God.

00:39:31:04 – 00:39:31:17
Brad Singletary
Bless them.

00:39:32:01 – 00:39:42:23
Ramsey Venner
Right? They got to answer to their people, man. Make our kids at home and they just jam me up on one side. So I’m like, Where did that come from? Right?

00:39:42:23 – 00:39:45:28
Brad Singletary
What happened now? No one house has shakes out what happened.

00:39:48:03 – 00:40:01:10
Ramsey Venner
Is the same spirit, man, same spirit, that same energy. They say, Nah, I’m not going to, you know, if you give me the opportunity, I’m going to make it happen. I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care what I got to do. I don’t care who I got to borrow from. Like I don’t care where I got to go.

00:40:01:10 – 00:40:17:09
Ramsey Venner
Take out a loan. Listen, man, you worked your time. You put in time for clean fruit. You got to check. Come in. If something happened today, I take all my make your right. I don’t care on my family. Listen, babe, it’s rough right now. I got to make a move. I got to figure out some kind of how to get our people paid.

00:40:17:09 – 00:40:32:26
Ramsey Venner
Pay our people. We pay our people. We took care of that. And I got to work it out with the bank. I got to work it out with the merchant process. I got to jump into a different system that’s not their problem, right? They’re doing what they’re supposed to do by us. So we’re going to do what we’re supposed to do by them.

00:40:32:26 – 00:40:34:06
Ramsey Venner
But yeah, I’m I’m.

00:40:34:14 – 00:40:34:17
Ramsey Venner
A.

00:40:34:17 – 00:40:35:01
Brad Singletary
Scary.

00:40:35:01 – 00:40:43:27
Ramsey Venner
Man. I’m out before five the morning screaming on the phone that you gotta get of there, you know what I mean? And at the end of the day.

00:40:45:01 – 00:40:49:11
Ramsey Venner
It’s even it out, you know what I mean? But yeah, it’s it put us in a bind.

00:40:49:12 – 00:40:50:06
Ramsey Venner
And in that.

00:40:50:06 – 00:40:51:03
Ramsey Venner
You know, you’re sitting there.

00:40:51:03 – 00:40:56:15
Ramsey Venner
Like, what? Why? What did I do to get this one? You know what I mean? But nah.

00:40:57:26 – 00:40:58:19
Ramsey Venner
I worry about it.

00:40:58:27 – 00:41:00:26
Ramsey Venner
I’m moving you. You think I’m moving you.

00:41:01:15 – 00:41:06:08
Ramsey Venner
In the life you think something’s happening to you. But understand, this is something that is happening for.

00:41:06:16 – 00:41:32:09
Brad Singletary
Yeah. And the rain falls on the just in the end, it’s like this happens. I mean, some of that stuff just happens. I’ll only talk about mentor, so, you know, talk about some of the men in your life. This is this whole thing is centered around men being better you’ve taken from where you were. And man just really I mean, it’s just miraculous what you’ve turned yourself into, you know, how you’re evolving as a man, but what other men have made a difference for you?

00:41:32:09 – 00:41:39:18
Brad Singletary
Who were the key players that look back on and, you know, that you trusted that helped you get.

00:41:40:08 – 00:41:54:07
Ramsey Venner
Well, I actually have a mentor, man that I meet with. I don’t want to name Joplin. I just got it. I got a real solid mentor that know I don’t get as much time as I would like because he’s a busy guy, but it keeps me focused.

00:41:54:18 – 00:41:55:17
Ramsey Venner
And just having.

00:41:55:27 – 00:42:14:02
Ramsey Venner
A sounding board, right? Like where my name is, what I’m going through. I’ve never gone through anything like this before. Give me some insight. Sometimes. Sometimes it can be as little as just, you know, being in the presence of like like somebody who’s accomplished.

00:42:14:02 – 00:42:14:22
Ramsey Venner
Right, right.

00:42:15:28 – 00:42:47:10
Ramsey Venner
Where you ask a different type of question because of who you’re talking. Like, if I was talking to my five year old, my six year old, I’m going to be like, I wish that Daddy knew about this account right. And the information is not going to be that poignant, right? Because I’m not asking for a serious response. But when I sit down and I’m getting ready to ask this guy a question, well, I’ve evaluated the question because I don’t want him to give me the like, bro, you you know what I mean?

00:42:47:10 – 00:42:49:21
Ramsey Venner
Like, my time is valuable. So you ain’t thought about this yet?

00:42:49:21 – 00:42:50:01
Brad Singletary
Always.

00:42:50:01 – 00:42:52:24
Ramsey Venner
What time? So, yeah, I have to go through the paces.

00:42:52:24 – 00:43:03:08
Ramsey Venner
In my own brain before I ask the question. And sometimes, even when I fire it off, after I’ve gone through all of the paces, as soon as I say and I’m in this guy’s presence, I’m like, Yeah.

00:43:04:02 – 00:43:07:04
Ramsey Venner
I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. You know what I mean?

00:43:07:04 – 00:43:11:02
Ramsey Venner
Just because I know what he would probably say to me, right?

00:43:11:02 – 00:43:13:26
Ramsey Venner
So I aim.

00:43:14:19 – 00:43:21:19
Ramsey Venner
Of all of the things that I’ve read and heard and seen and talked about, like they there’s a definite.

00:43:22:03 – 00:43:23:29
Ramsey Venner
Definite need for you to have.

00:43:24:09 – 00:43:45:09
Ramsey Venner
A mentor, not on the short term, but for a long term. We all need mentors because disliking in sports coach Don Baxter was my special teams coach for Fresno State. You say he used to drill, as you said, what is it? Coach said, a coach is a person that can take you to a place that you can’t take so far.

00:43:45:12 – 00:43:46:22
Ramsey Venner
Oh, right. Yeah.

00:43:46:29 – 00:44:02:23
Ramsey Venner
So you’re going to get a coach for football, you get a coach for tennis, people, get good coaches for lifting weights, all of the sports, not because you want these people to make you better than you currently are. Well, why not get a coach for life or coach for business, a coach for whatever the thing.

00:44:03:26 – 00:44:20:06
Brad Singletary
So you were you were talking about a system where you’re kind of you got a package where you would coach someone who was you’re you want to share your the knowledge that you’ve gained in the last four years as an entrepreneur as part of this kind of would be a coaching type thing, you know, what about other men in your life?

00:44:20:06 – 00:44:31:16
Brad Singletary
You know, men who made a difference, men who just maybe it’s not an arranged, you know, mentor conversation, maybe a family member or a friend or a coach or someone who just had an impact. And what did they do to make.

00:44:31:16 – 00:44:31:19
Ramsey Venner
It.

00:44:32:11 – 00:44:36:06
Ramsey Venner
Through sports? You start seeing a different side like of humanity, like I.

00:44:36:24 – 00:44:40:01
Ramsey Venner
I started seeing solid men.

00:44:40:16 – 00:45:09:06
Ramsey Venner
When I started playing football, I, there were some dudes that were like, you know, you could still tell they were jokers in their own life, right? But when I got to the university level and I got to go to like some of my coaches houses and I could see, you know, like that these were people that were like serious dudes, like, you know, influential, good, hardy, God fearing, and they had families, family man.

00:45:09:06 – 00:45:29:18
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you know, this guy is pouring his heart out on the field. These they’re watching film after the fact. And, you know, it’s probably a strain on his relationship, his family. But they know who dad is. That like there are some guys I, I don’t know. I mean, I probably had some some terrible coaches that, you know, had terrible lives outside of football.

00:45:29:18 – 00:45:34:22
Ramsey Venner
But the ones that were like real solid, great, great coaches, they were.

00:45:34:22 – 00:45:36:05
Ramsey Venner
Solid men.

00:45:36:05 – 00:46:00:09
Ramsey Venner
They were solid family men. They they had like, you know, when they showed up, their kids were in tow. The wife was there. She was supportive. Maybe, you know, she probably wanted more time at home and all the things, right. Because that’s that’s life. Like in my own life. I’ve noticed that like as a man, when you’re trying to do the right thing, it’s one of the hardest things because everything needs your attention right now and all of it.

00:46:01:18 – 00:46:08:11
Ramsey Venner
How do you decide how do you decide for how much time do you spend with the kids? How much time do you spend with the wife, especially trying to build a business?

00:46:08:11 – 00:46:08:22
Brad Singletary
Oh, man.

00:46:09:14 – 00:46:10:04
Ramsey Venner
How much time.

00:46:10:04 – 00:46:11:03
Ramsey Venner
Can you, you.

00:46:11:03 – 00:46:12:11
Ramsey Venner
Know, wait.

00:46:12:13 – 00:46:14:17
Ramsey Venner
It’s unlimited. It’s unlimited.

00:46:14:17 – 00:46:19:16
Ramsey Venner
It’s unlimited. How many things I could be doing right now? How many things I should be doing right now? I should.

00:46:19:16 – 00:46:20:25
Ramsey Venner
Be 17 other.

00:46:20:25 – 00:46:22:28
Ramsey Venner
Places doing nine other things. I should.

00:46:22:28 – 00:46:24:01
Ramsey Venner
Have more people working.

00:46:24:01 – 00:46:29:10
Ramsey Venner
For me. I should be better to my clients. I should do more stuff for my employees. I should be.

00:46:29:18 – 00:46:30:01
Ramsey Venner
Out here.

00:46:30:01 – 00:46:31:02
Ramsey Venner
Tuning up this car.

00:46:31:02 – 00:46:37:03
Ramsey Venner
I said, you know, put the light bulb work. You know what I mean? Whatever it is at the house, I’m supposed to tighten up this.

00:46:37:03 – 00:46:38:08
Ramsey Venner
Door knob like I’ve.

00:46:38:08 – 00:46:40:04
Ramsey Venner
Walked by this washing machine so.

00:46:40:04 – 00:46:41:08
Ramsey Venner
Many times. You know what I mean?

00:46:41:08 – 00:46:42:09
Ramsey Venner
I should take.

00:46:42:09 – 00:46:49:04
Ramsey Venner
My kid out back here and throw the ball some more. And then I got another kid that I should take over here to the tennis, and I’ll take another kid who wants to.

00:46:49:04 – 00:46:58:17
Ramsey Venner
Just go to the playground and just wants to be in Daddy’s face, like there’s. What do you do? You know what I mean? What do you do? What do.

00:46:58:17 – 00:47:01:00
Brad Singletary
You do? What do you do? Because you’re doing it.

00:47:01:17 – 00:47:11:07
Ramsey Venner
Listen, man, I love all my people, my. And it’s one of the greatest joys. Thank you. Asked me a question. Or maybe your assistant asked me a question like, what do I do outside of work?

00:47:11:07 – 00:47:11:16
Ramsey Venner
Right.

00:47:12:19 – 00:47:37:07
Ramsey Venner
Well, work kind of my pleasure. Just because of where I am in my and my season. Right. My season right now is not about and I’ve taken on the responsibility in this life that if anybody’s going to turn direction in my family, me, I bear that responsibility. I bear that, you know, like, like like like the cross, right?

00:47:37:07 – 00:47:37:29
Ramsey Venner
I that’s my.

00:47:37:29 – 00:47:40:00
Ramsey Venner
Cross. I don’t.

00:47:41:02 – 00:47:44:11
Ramsey Venner
Have another person that’s going to come and save the day for.

00:47:44:14 – 00:47:46:29
Ramsey Venner
Us. I want my daughter.

00:47:46:29 – 00:47:54:07
Ramsey Venner
And my and this is my my granddaughter that’s in college now, blessed. She’s a university, San Diego and law school.

00:47:54:16 – 00:47:55:23
Ramsey Venner
Wow. Right now.

00:47:55:24 – 00:48:00:22
Ramsey Venner
Right. And this is the one that they were saying, if I if I hid behind a little girl.

00:48:00:22 – 00:48:01:13
Ramsey Venner
This one. Yeah.

00:48:01:15 – 00:48:20:17
Ramsey Venner
She’s she’s not a little girl no more. She’s a grown woman and she’s doing her stuff. Amazing shout out to you as well. From her to my Juliet to my solo to Georgia to Francis to my new baby. This on the way. Listen, I want them to know, man, that they got a dude that’s going to go the whole way for them.

00:48:21:06 – 00:48:52:14
Ramsey Venner
And they’re my joys. My wife is my joy. So I go and I’ll give it all I got. I’ll sell out, bro at work. I’ll sell out up at four in the morning, whatever it takes to, to, to, you know, set and schedules and making sure everybody’s going to be where they’re going to be. And if it’s making contact calls with clients or even sit in my agenda for what I need to have happen that day or any problems that I’ve missed or bills that I got to pay like I do all of that at the wee hours, the small hours before they wake up, when they wake up, I’m dead.

00:48:53:02 – 00:48:55:12
Ramsey Venner
Because I get to fall when.

00:48:55:12 – 00:49:00:23
Ramsey Venner
You can’t do anything like where you got to lock in and focus when you got little ones, right?

00:49:00:23 – 00:49:01:12
Brad Singletary
Ones all on.

00:49:01:12 – 00:49:01:16
Ramsey Venner
You.

00:49:01:17 – 00:49:16:27
Ramsey Venner
So, you know, I’m dad. Okay? When it’s time for me to go to to the office or they get put down for a nap, then I can crank it back up again and get back into my work mode. But, you know, everything has a time and a place and my wife is super supportive. She’s there. And when I sit down at work.

00:49:16:27 – 00:49:17:18
Ramsey Venner
And I come home.

00:49:18:03 – 00:49:25:04
Ramsey Venner
I’ve gotten to this point now in my business where I can put my phone to the side and my, you know, give a responsibility to my people so that they.

00:49:25:04 – 00:49:27:03
Ramsey Venner
Can do the delegate.

00:49:27:03 – 00:49:27:13
Brad Singletary
That 20.

00:49:27:13 – 00:49:29:18
Ramsey Venner
Five things they yeah so I’m.

00:49:29:24 – 00:49:30:14
Ramsey Venner
I’m getting.

00:49:30:28 – 00:49:50:20
Ramsey Venner
In a place where I can chop it up in and say, okay, this is my work day now you guys have to do your job. You got to I’m not going to solve every problem. Some things you should understand. So as a business owner, that puts you in a position like How can I try and has got to do this thing they come in find me for and I shouldn’t be the only person with all the answers.

00:49:50:20 – 00:50:00:11
Ramsey Venner
And that makes you have a different realization on a scale. Or do you want to be the only person with all of the keys or the only person with all of the information, all the answers? You don’t only want to talk to clients.

00:50:01:06 – 00:50:02:22
Ramsey Venner
Oh, I don’t want to be that anymore.

00:50:03:01 – 00:50:08:20
Brad Singletary
I heard a guy, one of my mentors said, a leader doesn’t do the work of ten men. Right? He got ten men doing the work.

00:50:09:07 – 00:50:10:12
Ramsey Venner
You know that part.

00:50:10:17 – 00:50:19:16
Brad Singletary
But you’re still very involved. You got your hands all in the business. Oh, we were just talking about other men that have helped you.

00:50:19:16 – 00:50:20:05
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, yeah.

00:50:20:13 – 00:50:21:00
Brad Singletary
Be a man.

00:50:21:02 – 00:50:47:08
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, so I do. I give a lot of props to my dad, right? My dad was. He was born in 1930, so a era. Yeah, my dad was born in 1930 in San Andreas in Providencia, Colombia. So he came to America basically as like a teenager, 12 or 13 years old. What the his parents passed over in Colombia.

00:50:48:10 – 00:50:56:02
Ramsey Venner
He got on a boat that was like a decade early in his life just to, like, kind of find his way. Uncles, I got.

00:50:56:13 – 00:50:57:18
Ramsey Venner
You know, over there.

00:50:58:04 – 00:51:01:26
Ramsey Venner
Uncles and I state I don’t know so well but he came over.

00:51:01:26 – 00:51:02:10
Ramsey Venner
Here.

00:51:02:21 – 00:51:21:07
Ramsey Venner
And, you know, just decided that he was going to make his own path. And, you know, probably by the time he met my mom, he had two. Yeah, three other kids. Yeah, three other kids. And they’re all like older than me by like, I don’t know, like 20 years now.

00:51:21:25 – 00:51:27:09
Ramsey Venner
But he came here and everything that I knew of.

00:51:27:09 – 00:51:43:12
Ramsey Venner
My dad from my adolescence was just. You just had a glow on a man. He had a glow like he didn’t live with us because he was on boats and we lived in Florida and in Texas and he lived in Hawaii at one point, you know, I guess it was either marital.

00:51:43:12 – 00:51:43:22
Ramsey Venner
Or.

00:51:44:12 – 00:51:53:29
Ramsey Venner
Economical, meaning, you know, that’s where the jobs were. And he, like, went there. However, it played out. We weren’t always with him, but when he showed up, like he was just.

00:51:54:11 – 00:51:56:05
Ramsey Venner
He was the dude. He was the.

00:51:56:05 – 00:52:05:19
Ramsey Venner
Do like my dad and all of his old pictures, super sharp dresser. Just he just had like a real flatness about a and and I.

00:52:05:19 – 00:52:07:12
Brad Singletary
Always sound like an Alpha, right?

00:52:07:13 – 00:52:08:22
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. He just he just.

00:52:08:22 – 00:52:27:17
Ramsey Venner
Had a finesse about him and I used to like and and the deference that people gave to him like, well, do you know what I mean? He wasn’t like people sneered at him like he did anything bad or you never had bad relations that I could ever see. And I went places, went to me, you know, tell me about like when we went to the bank and stuff like that.

00:52:27:17 – 00:52:44:14
Ramsey Venner
He’d always be like, you, you stand up and you know what I mean? Like, he just was a stern dude, but, like, quite pokey sharp. And I just would, you know, I didn’t get enough time around him to, like, approach him and, like, copy his mannerisms, like, most do, right?

00:52:44:21 – 00:52:45:00
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

00:52:45:06 – 00:52:54:01
Ramsey Venner
But just there was this vibe when my dad was around me, he was the guy, and there was no questions about it right now.

00:52:54:12 – 00:52:58:29
Ramsey Venner
So that that’s on the me looking side.

00:52:58:29 – 00:53:09:13
Ramsey Venner
Right. And then my mom, because of course, he was from Columbia and we were, you know, black poor in West Palm Beach, Florida, everything that she said and.

00:53:09:14 – 00:53:12:04
Ramsey Venner
They they you know, your dad your dad being in boats and he from.

00:53:12:04 – 00:53:15:13
Ramsey Venner
Columbia. So, you know, he’d probably go and make a move.

00:53:15:13 – 00:53:29:22
Ramsey Venner
And come back and it’d be money in a briefcase. He seized it. So it was like this, like folklore around my dad. Like, was you really somebody? Was he like one of them dudes or like, Oh, I got to have some people that’s over there doing some stuff, you know what I mean? Like, we’ve real Colombians, though, you know what I mean?

00:53:29:22 – 00:53:32:19
Ramsey Venner
So that always played his part. And it was.

00:53:32:19 – 00:53:35:04
Ramsey Venner
It was cool. It was funny. But just there was.

00:53:35:19 – 00:53:37:00
Ramsey Venner
I never my back.

00:53:37:00 – 00:53:50:21
Ramsey Venner
Control it is alcohol it was never allow never aggressive I’ve never seen him like you know, get into real arguments with my mom. I never seen any of that. So I just always had this picture of that’s what a man is, you know what I mean? He was just.

00:53:51:08 – 00:53:51:27
Ramsey Venner
He was a man.

00:53:53:19 – 00:54:01:24
Ramsey Venner
Took care of was sent this money, even when they weren’t like together. You’re like he was just he was just to do so. Long story short, I checked.

00:54:01:24 – 00:54:03:26
Ramsey Venner
Them out and and and.

00:54:04:24 – 00:54:37:27
Ramsey Venner
That’s kind of how I model myself. But then as I got a little older and I started looking at the world in a different kind of way, like I lived with them from all my high school years, from 93 to 97. I had the opportunity to come to live with them in California, California to Oakland, California. And in that time, like, I got to see him, you know, go to work and, you know, he came back and mean like took care of the bills.

00:54:38:11 – 00:54:50:07
Ramsey Venner
He was getting his butt kicked a lot of times at that job. But he made great money on boats in San Francisco. It was a deckhand over there, like 33 bucks an hour or something like that. Like it was just it just.

00:54:50:13 – 00:54:51:06
Ramsey Venner
He always.

00:54:51:06 – 00:55:09:25
Ramsey Venner
Like he wasn’t like, destitute. He wasn’t bad. He wasn’t like a mean spirited dude. And always, like, comedy had his own little way things that he laughed at. And I and I follow suit. Like, I just felt like that presence is what I wanted to give to my kids, what I wanted to be. So my pops is a big influence on me in that way.

00:55:09:25 – 00:55:19:27
Ramsey Venner
And then I got in trouble, went to jail. Yeah, moved to Louisiana and I got a.

00:55:19:27 – 00:55:21:02
Ramsey Venner
Call one.

00:55:21:02 – 00:55:43:00
Ramsey Venner
Morning while I was opening a restaurant in Reno from the coroner’s office in and Bogalusa, Louisiana. My first job, I didn’t even know where this place was. I didn’t know how he found himself there. But him in my I guess, you know, his wife at the time different from my mom. Another lady that he ended up living with that moved down there because that’s where she was from.

00:55:44:02 – 00:55:58:21
Ramsey Venner
And I get the call that, you know, it’s it’s Ramsey Renter. And I was like, yeah, I well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but, you know, I have Ramsey Senior here in our office and I was like.

00:56:00:23 – 00:56:05:12
Ramsey Venner
Doing what he’s like. As I said, it’s a coroner’s office.

00:56:05:12 – 00:56:06:26
Ramsey Venner
And she was like, Yeah. And I was like.

00:56:07:03 – 00:56:09:17
Ramsey Venner
Oh, are you sad? My dad is like this.

00:56:09:19 – 00:56:14:09
Ramsey Venner
And she’s like, Yeah, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sorry to tell you. And it just was like.

00:56:15:11 – 00:56:16:07
Ramsey Venner
Out of the blue.

00:56:16:07 – 00:56:20:02
Ramsey Venner
Out of the clear blue yonder a week previous, I talked to him about coming to.

00:56:20:02 – 00:56:20:20
Ramsey Venner
Live with me.

00:56:21:03 – 00:56:22:00
Ramsey Venner
In Reno. Right.

00:56:22:01 – 00:56:24:09
Ramsey Venner
He was like, man, I hate it down here. And, you know.

00:56:24:19 – 00:56:45:17
Ramsey Venner
So, you know, we had this whole little okay, I’m like I say, is conspiracy. You know, we just we never found out, truthfully, you know, if it was health or not health related. But it just was it was it was like kind of a mysterious thing that happened. And when I when I when.

00:56:45:17 – 00:56:46:05
Ramsey Venner
I had me.

00:56:47:28 – 00:57:07:20
Ramsey Venner
I don’t know, we just we we went down. We and I met with my Colombian brothers and sisters and my actual sister, my mom. We all went down and we laid them to rest down there. And it was like, you know, I guess the gravity of I was the last winter male kind of hit me at that point, right?

00:57:07:20 – 00:57:15:09
Ramsey Venner
Like it was on me, you know what I mean? And I was I’m doing nonsense and my like really living good. I’m, I’m.

00:57:16:05 – 00:57:33:21
Ramsey Venner
At this I was in Reno being a rapper. There’s a rapper in Reno. Well within the seven, seven, five, seven five Davis I listen big soup.

00:57:33:21 – 00:57:38:25
Ramsey Venner
Man I was out there Lucy aka fly some of that big soup material out there man I I’m still out.

00:57:38:25 – 00:57:48:04
Ramsey Venner
Do you remember when we got a tag that shows our son was with malice and but yeah, we did that and it was it was cool. We.

00:57:48:23 – 00:58:05:19
Ramsey Venner
You know, I had my pops, he passed and I it just like it just our feeling, I guess time to get serious about life. And I tried to tighten up, but I couldn’t get it right. Like, I don’t know if you seen a movie Life. What Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence together, right? Man, they did it right out there.

00:58:05:19 – 00:58:19:22
Ramsey Venner
So, yeah, I moved to Vegas and started tightening up. So to your question about mentors and who really influenced me, him and his presence and him in his absence as well?

00:58:20:10 – 00:58:24:23
Brad Singletary
Well, meaning before he passed and sense.

00:58:24:29 – 00:58:38:00
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. So I’m not just like, oh, he is crazy. As we grow into adults, all of those little sayings that, you know, your people say my dad used to have one. He and I.

00:58:38:00 – 00:58:43:26
Ramsey Venner
Always do the accent because I can hear him in my hair be like 5 minutes more or 5 minutes less. Does it matter.

00:58:45:00 – 00:58:45:25
Ramsey Venner
Who you would.

00:58:45:25 – 00:58:53:01
Ramsey Venner
Tell me? Like, Don’t be in a haste. They’ll be in a rush. 5 minutes more, 5 minutes less. You know what I mean? Like, if you get.

00:58:53:01 – 00:58:54:26
Ramsey Venner
There, you get there, you know, don’t.

00:58:54:26 – 00:58:56:13
Ramsey Venner
Go nuts about it. But, you.

00:58:56:13 – 00:58:58:07
Ramsey Venner
Know, or if you need to.

00:58:58:07 – 00:58:59:07
Ramsey Venner
Leave 5 minutes.

00:58:59:07 – 00:58:59:19
Ramsey Venner
Early.

00:59:00:20 – 00:59:15:03
Ramsey Venner
Stuff like that. And I can hear him call you Ramsey used to call me Ramsey. Ramsey and tell me about like having I’m in Oakland. Right. So you I mean, you have four or five of them cousins in your.

00:59:15:03 – 00:59:15:14
Ramsey Venner
Car.

00:59:16:20 – 00:59:31:08
Ramsey Venner
And he’s talking about bread is right, four or five of them. Because in your car you’re going to have trouble, man. You gonna have trouble with him. I’m like, I I’m not going to catch up with that. But, you know, I’m on the football team and I, you know, I’m running around my booth a certain of every time I loaded up and was like driving everybody.

00:59:31:08 – 00:59:32:12
Ramsey Venner
Everywhere pulled.

00:59:32:12 – 00:59:40:13
Ramsey Venner
Over. Right. So all that wisdom comes back when you grow into being a man and you’re like, That’s it.

00:59:40:13 – 00:59:44:03
Ramsey Venner
Just listen. Or like he was dead on with that, you know what I mean? Or I can hear.

00:59:44:03 – 00:59:54:28
Ramsey Venner
Me in these moments and I apply it when before it was like, No, no. So I get out of you. I love you somewhere.

00:59:54:28 – 00:59:57:22
Ramsey Venner
That’s that’s the game for over there, man. I still don’t work here.

00:59:57:29 – 00:59:58:24
Ramsey Venner
Is is this some.

00:59:59:12 – 01:00:11:00
Brad Singletary
I did not know that about you. About your dad, man. But I’ve heard little accents or little things and I’m like, where is do from? Like, but, but but sometimes your parents have accent even if you grew up in California or whatever.

01:00:11:00 – 01:00:11:20
Ramsey Venner
Like, yeah, yeah.

01:00:11:20 – 01:00:16:10
Brad Singletary
Then, you know, I can tell and you and I hear a little things sometimes and it makes me wonder. It must be it.

01:00:16:15 – 01:00:24:10
Ramsey Venner
Listen, I got to tell you, is one of the secret weapons, like when Breslin when I went to prison, I’ll be sitting there and, you know, everything is race and.

01:00:24:14 – 01:00:24:26
Ramsey Venner
Employ.

01:00:25:13 – 01:00:26:12
Ramsey Venner
Bad you know what I mean?

01:00:26:12 – 01:00:27:01
Brad Singletary
From Yeah.

01:00:27:01 – 01:00:29:25
Ramsey Venner
And I was sitting in the middle of maybe like.

01:00:30:09 – 01:00:31:07
Ramsey Venner
You may up a.

01:00:31:10 – 01:00:34:04
Ramsey Venner
You know talking all of that stuff on a little. I’m like, would you call me bro?

01:00:34:13 – 01:00:38:08
Ramsey Venner
They like, Wait, my bros.

01:00:38:08 – 01:00:44:11
Ramsey Venner
And then I know you’re like a Yo Lightning or gay the Omega Killer. They said, You know what I mean? And I give it to him right there.

01:00:44:11 – 01:00:51:22
Ramsey Venner
And they be like, Well, I, I love it. I love it, bro. So that I do.

01:00:52:10 – 01:01:04:04
Ramsey Venner
I was, I was teaching myself how to read and write and zalmi before I went. And when I went there, I had that fluid for a little bit. But, you know, it was no German speakers in Las Vegas, so I kind of lost a lot of that time.

01:01:04:24 – 01:01:08:17
Brad Singletary
That’s crazy. So how many languages do you speak now?

01:01:08:17 – 01:01:19:04
Ramsey Venner
Just English in Spanish. I was real heavy on the German. I was learning ASL too for a little bit, but the you know, you got to practice that before.

01:01:19:05 – 01:01:25:19
Brad Singletary
That’s that’s what I’m saying, man. You’re a different kind of guy, you know what I mean? You’re taking advantage of every single opportunity.

01:01:25:20 – 01:01:36:02
Ramsey Venner
Why not? What else are you doing? That’s what I’m saying. No, like so prison. In prison. Was that for me, bro? Well, you go to lock me in a room, give me 24 hours.

01:01:36:02 – 01:01:36:26
Ramsey Venner
I don’t have.

01:01:37:23 – 01:01:39:12
Ramsey Venner
Kids, bills.

01:01:40:01 – 01:01:41:13
Ramsey Venner
Distractions. I can’t watch.

01:01:41:14 – 01:01:42:05
Ramsey Venner
TV.

01:01:42:17 – 01:01:43:12
Ramsey Venner
There’s no.

01:01:43:21 – 01:01:44:14
Ramsey Venner
Internet.

01:01:44:23 – 01:01:47:00
Ramsey Venner
There’s no cell phone there.

01:01:47:00 – 01:01:51:29
Ramsey Venner
Hustle. Oh, woman now would be the best me I could be.

01:01:52:10 – 01:01:54:07
Brad Singletary
You’ll get swollen. Just get smaller.

01:01:54:07 – 01:01:57:14
Ramsey Venner
Yes, ma’am. Yes. Well, and somewhere. And then that’s going on.

01:01:57:29 – 01:02:10:20
Ramsey Venner
Everything else seems like insignificant. If I choose to have a different life, if I come out of here the exact same way that I went in. That’s my bad. That’s my bad, right? But if I’m given this opportunity.

01:02:11:00 – 01:02:11:26
Ramsey Venner
I need to make.

01:02:11:26 – 01:02:12:05
Ramsey Venner
It so.

01:02:12:05 – 01:02:14:20
Ramsey Venner
That you never, ever, ever have.

01:02:14:20 – 01:02:30:22
Ramsey Venner
This opportunity put me away again. And that was literally my mantra, bro. I’d be sitting there. I ended up like figuring out how to get grants for college. I got my college degree while I was locked up. I learned how to play the piano. I was locked up.

01:02:31:20 – 01:02:31:27
Ramsey Venner
As.

01:02:32:04 – 01:02:36:27
Brad Singletary
Plays, please. But whatever kind of surprises you, guy? He speaks Spanish. He played the piano.

01:02:38:11 – 01:02:43:10
Ramsey Venner
There’s a football with the car. If you get if you get if you get a stretch.

01:02:43:10 – 01:02:43:21
Ramsey Venner
Like, I.

01:02:43:21 – 01:02:56:10
Ramsey Venner
Just I doubt many people got trade, you know what I mean? Six, seven years of a life to learn how to play the piano, you know what I mean? Or to speak Spanish. Anything else? They did. These are cool, but they came at a price.

01:02:57:07 – 01:03:15:03
Ramsey Venner
The these talents right now are cool, but they came at a price, Zambrano says. If you want your life to change, then you have to change, right? And the minute that you change, everything around you will change. You said work harder on yourself. Then you’re doing your job.

01:03:15:03 – 01:03:35:08
Brad Singletary
So you’re quoting some of these guys. That means you’re listening. That means you’re looking for it. That means you’re out there trying to get wisdom. You know, I just that’s something that I’ve always admired about you is just that you’re looking, you’re looking, you’re listening, watching. You know, you got something running in your mind. You read and you’re doing things to get more information.

01:03:35:15 – 01:03:36:05
Ramsey Venner
You got to do it.

01:03:36:22 – 01:03:38:15
Ramsey Venner
As and and.

01:03:38:15 – 01:03:45:22
Ramsey Venner
This right now technology information age right. We got access to everything. And we.

01:03:45:22 – 01:03:48:25
Ramsey Venner
Choose nothing. We choose.

01:03:48:25 – 01:03:53:29
Ramsey Venner
Nonsense. We choose stuff that does not move the needle one iota.

01:03:53:29 – 01:03:54:15
Ramsey Venner
You got.

01:03:54:22 – 01:03:56:16
Ramsey Venner
The entire world that you like you.

01:03:56:16 – 01:03:57:22
Ramsey Venner
Can you to.

01:03:57:22 – 01:03:58:14
Ramsey Venner
Right now or.

01:03:58:14 – 01:03:59:01
Ramsey Venner
Google.

01:03:59:19 – 01:04:03:14
Ramsey Venner
How to do anything good. You could build an airplane in your garage.

01:04:03:14 – 01:04:03:24
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:04:04:18 – 01:04:07:22
Ramsey Venner
Right now there’s somebody who’s put that information out there.

01:04:08:00 – 01:04:09:05
Ramsey Venner
You can learn.

01:04:09:05 – 01:04:11:21
Ramsey Venner
How to be the best stock broker. You can learn how to be.

01:04:12:08 – 01:04:16:25
Ramsey Venner
Even the best dad. Like, there’s techniques. There’s, like, things you could do. You can have.

01:04:16:25 – 01:04:18:00
Ramsey Venner
Conversation starters.

01:04:18:00 – 01:04:40:18
Ramsey Venner
You can have better ways to better your communication. You can effectively use your social media to increase your bottom line. Well, you can you can Google anything. We have all of the information in the computers that’s our that’s in our hands and what we do with them. We choose to look at cat videos.

01:04:40:18 – 01:04:45:13
Brad Singletary
And I love what you said. We we have access to everything. We choose nothing.

01:04:45:13 – 01:04:46:20
Ramsey Venner
And we choose nothing.

01:04:46:20 – 01:04:52:14
Ramsey Venner
We choose to watch somebody else being goofy. Or why do you.

01:04:52:14 – 01:05:03:01
Brad Singletary
Think that it why do why is it so easy for people to just be easy? And, I don’t know, ordinary. I’m like you, man. I’m driven. I mean, I’m over here work at Sunday night at 9:00.

01:05:03:01 – 01:05:04:15
Ramsey Venner
So come on, man. I’m right here.

01:05:04:15 – 01:05:07:06
Brad Singletary
When you said earlier, you said my business is my pleasure.

01:05:07:06 – 01:05:07:16
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:05:07:24 – 01:05:16:21
Brad Singletary
That’s how you live. I don’t know. I just think that’s what what what’s else doing? Because I don’t know. I don’t understand why people look at cat videos and try to learn how to.

01:05:17:01 – 01:05:17:22
Ramsey Venner
Right. Learn how.

01:05:17:22 – 01:05:18:11
Brad Singletary
Things work.

01:05:18:18 – 01:05:19:00
Ramsey Venner
Right.

01:05:19:07 – 01:05:33:22
Ramsey Venner
And what it’s. So there’s two things at play, right? We have a natural, I think, proclivity to choose the path of least resistance. I’m not going to I’m not going to.

01:05:33:22 – 01:05:34:05
Ramsey Venner
Do.

01:05:34:19 – 01:05:40:24
Ramsey Venner
I’m not going to do the thing that’s hard. I’m not going to do the thing that’s tough. And instead, I want to check out.

01:05:41:27 – 01:05:43:10
Brad Singletary
My energy, say, McAlary.

01:05:43:10 – 01:05:58:19
Ramsey Venner
I’m gonna save my calories. Save my energy. I’m gonna do some later. I get to that tomorrow. Is it necessary that I do that right now? I mean, sure, man. I got a long life to live. Like, the thing that we don’t do is take stock and put value in the thing that matters the most.

01:05:58:26 – 01:06:02:10
Ramsey Venner
The one asset that we cannot get more of is time.

01:06:03:23 – 01:06:12:10
Ramsey Venner
Prison showed me that time is the most valuable asset. All you can do is spend it. You can’t get more of it.

01:06:12:10 – 01:06:21:17
Ramsey Venner
You can’t. All you can do is manage how you spend it. Budget your time, make it a serious priority, see how those.

01:06:21:17 – 01:06:23:05
Ramsey Venner
Minutes are wasted by.

01:06:23:23 – 01:06:29:11
Ramsey Venner
Every 10 minutes that you’re scrolling. If you accumulate those 10 minutes.

01:06:29:11 – 01:06:31:04
Ramsey Venner
And say, I was trying to get a college.

01:06:31:04 – 01:06:35:16
Ramsey Venner
Degree, I would be. How much closer to having.

01:06:35:16 – 01:06:41:13
Ramsey Venner
That college degree if I spent the 10 minutes instead of just scrolling through like, you know, the pictures in the photos and.

01:06:41:13 – 01:06:51:03
Ramsey Venner
It’s like at the right, right. The T in a let me you feel me if I took that time and said, okay, now I’m going to actually lock in on this time and learn how.

01:06:51:10 – 01:06:54:01
Ramsey Venner
To expand my business in this way. Or I’m going.

01:06:54:01 – 01:06:54:25
Ramsey Venner
To learn how to be.

01:06:55:25 – 01:06:56:18
Ramsey Venner
Like I’m going to learn how to.

01:06:56:18 – 01:06:57:05
Ramsey Venner
Get things.

01:06:57:12 – 01:07:01:07
Ramsey Venner
Let’s go, let’s go. Simple. I’ll learn how to get stains out the carpet because don’t know how to do that.

01:07:01:29 – 01:07:07:27
Ramsey Venner
You could spend that time and now I have a skill that’s not only valuable for me.

01:07:08:28 – 01:07:13:19
Ramsey Venner
I can directly translate that skill in the money right now, but now I could teach somebody else how to do it.

01:07:13:19 – 01:07:14:24
Ramsey Venner
And multiply and.

01:07:14:24 – 01:07:15:23
Ramsey Venner
Magnify.

01:07:16:07 – 01:07:18:12
Ramsey Venner
My income by how many people.

01:07:18:12 – 01:07:18:23
Ramsey Venner
I teach.

01:07:18:23 – 01:07:19:15
Ramsey Venner
How to do this.

01:07:19:29 – 01:07:20:12
Ramsey Venner
If I could.

01:07:20:13 – 01:07:50:04
Ramsey Venner
Market their services. Hey, Jeff Bezos isn’t a billionaire because Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk personally go and build Tesla’s right. Bro commands 40,000 people in his organization. He commands a 100,000 individuals that when I say this is his God power, right? Yeah. You know, you don’t you don’t really think about it. But this guy genius is on.

01:07:50:04 – 01:07:50:08
Ramsey Venner
His.

01:07:50:08 – 01:08:02:03
Ramsey Venner
Payroll. He’s got access to the information that like the actual person that probably put up the YouTube video. Right. Right. And when he has a thought, it seems goofy to us.

01:08:02:03 – 01:08:08:09
Ramsey Venner
I want to build a tunnel under the Los Angeles and I want to put a train under Los Angeles because it’s.

01:08:08:09 – 01:08:36:06
Ramsey Venner
Just how well you got the money there. Okay. Is a team, a crack team of science is working on it? Yeah. I’ve got engineers that will come up with the best designs and plans. Yeah, let’s do it. I got a legal team is going to go stand in line for me and get the permits from the city. I got bro, I got an advertising and marketing team on the day that I say is a release everywhere in America, the same picture in the same image pops up on benches and on TV and on billboards.

01:08:36:14 – 01:08:42:00
Ramsey Venner
I can snap my finger and there’s a new reality.

01:08:42:00 – 01:08:42:23
Brad Singletary
That’s leadership.

01:08:43:19 – 01:08:48:18
Ramsey Venner
Bro. That’s where the power is. It’s not me. I’m going to just go away.

01:08:49:00 – 01:08:51:28
Ramsey Venner
Crying and I’m gonna just grind and hustle and I’m going, just do it myself.

01:08:51:28 – 01:08:56:21
Ramsey Venner
And I don’t want nobody telling me I’m the best. That I’m the best at it, bro, i, I gave.

01:08:56:21 – 01:09:00:14
Ramsey Venner
That philosophy up right at year two of my company. I like.

01:09:00:14 – 01:09:02:02
Ramsey Venner
To see, you know what you know.

01:09:02:02 – 01:09:19:03
Brad Singletary
See, I’m self-employed, you know, it’s just me, really. I have a VA and I have a practice manager and stuff like that. But I, I, I, there’s a huge risk taking that leap, you know, because I believe you. I think I would want to do that. But then you got the payroll and then you have the other, the other things that come along with that.

01:09:19:09 – 01:09:35:10
Brad Singletary
But it must be because the way you’re talking about it, even with those occasional little blips and those little the tension, I just know a lot of people that have businesses with 20 employees or whatever and that bar in here, bar in there, they got cash flow. They’re trying to make it all work and it does and it works out big time, really.

01:09:35:10 – 01:09:37:08
Brad Singletary
But that’s is the big leap of faith.

01:09:37:08 – 01:09:37:15
Ramsey Venner
That I have.

01:09:37:26 – 01:09:52:08
Brad Singletary
For myself. I know I’d love to have other coaches and therapists working under Serve Me, you know, but that’s just a big leap anyway. So dude, you’re, you’re, you’re, you’re, I you’re a remarkable guy, man.

01:09:52:20 – 01:09:53:08
Ramsey Venner
I appreciate.

01:09:53:09 – 01:10:09:12
Brad Singletary
You. God genius. All kind of you have all kind of sharp and there’s a lot of people who are sharp intellectually but I would never call them sharp because they I don’t know, they don’t got all the charisma. You got all the cool swagger. My kids, they don’t see swagger.

01:10:09:12 – 01:10:10:29
Ramsey Venner
That’s about swag is going away.

01:10:10:29 – 01:10:13:29
Ramsey Venner
Swagger is going away. We know we don’t. We all this swag.

01:10:13:29 – 01:10:15:20
Ramsey Venner
Is leaving these I don’t know what it’s like.

01:10:15:23 – 01:10:18:08
Brad Singletary
You get all kind of big energy, if you know what I’m saying.

01:10:18:08 – 01:10:18:11
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:10:18:13 – 01:10:32:24
Brad Singletary
You know, you just. But I wonder, what are some of the errors that you think men are making out there? No, the typical guy. What are some of the things that typical man you needs to look at?

01:10:34:08 – 01:10:50:27
Ramsey Venner
You know what? The first thing that I think, like the Book of Proverbs says, the spirit of the Lord is beginning of wisdom. When I got arrested on my big case, they sent me away for seven years. I went to the Branch in Sacramento. So they took me from.

01:10:51:04 – 01:10:51:15
Ramsey Venner
Where.

01:10:51:20 – 01:11:02:19
Ramsey Venner
To. And and that’s when it hits start. That’s when it hits like the result of all of it. It’s fun and games when you’re in a visiting booth and you’re trying to, you know, convince a girl or something.

01:11:04:03 – 01:11:13:17
Ramsey Venner
When you see somebody doing all of that foolishness that that’s you still playing you still playing with life. You haven’t, like, felt the gravity of it to you get in that bus.

01:11:14:10 – 01:11:15:09
Ramsey Venner
And they take you.

01:11:15:09 – 01:11:16:23
Ramsey Venner
Away because.

01:11:16:23 – 01:11:20:05
Ramsey Venner
There’s no prisons that are like real close this right when they take you.

01:11:20:05 – 01:11:20:23
Ramsey Venner
Away.

01:11:20:28 – 01:11:26:15
Ramsey Venner
And now you are now yeah you’re going for some. Wow.

01:11:26:15 – 01:11:28:18
Ramsey Venner
And when see it.

01:11:28:18 – 01:11:33:15
Ramsey Venner
And you look around and like this is what I’ve made of my life, this is what it is now.

01:11:33:19 – 01:11:34:22
Ramsey Venner
And you have to.

01:11:35:20 – 01:11:47:23
Ramsey Venner
Let that reality sink in just a little bit like no. So I did that right. And one of the first grabbed the Bible is, you know, okay, now God.

01:11:47:27 – 01:11:53:12
Ramsey Venner
All right, guy, listen, you was right. I was wrong. Let me let.

01:11:53:12 – 01:11:55:03
Ramsey Venner
Let’s let’s work on this relationship, right?

01:11:56:00 – 01:11:57:17
Ramsey Venner
And it’s too late then.

01:11:57:27 – 01:11:59:22
Ramsey Venner
As far as having something to do with the.

01:11:59:22 – 01:12:01:25
Ramsey Venner
Outcome. Right. But, you.

01:12:01:25 – 01:12:10:18
Ramsey Venner
Know, better late than never, right? Yeah. So I grabbed the book of proverb, grab the Bible in the first book I open with the book of Proverbs. And I think it might have been Proverbs.

01:12:10:18 – 01:12:11:04
Ramsey Venner
One.

01:12:12:05 – 01:12:27:29
Ramsey Venner
By the first bar. And it says that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom that has always resonated with me, because it’s like when you realize that there’s something going on that’s bigger than.

01:12:27:29 – 01:12:29:17
Ramsey Venner
You.

01:12:29:17 – 01:12:32:01
Ramsey Venner
There’s something at play that’s bigger than you.

01:12:32:01 – 01:12:33:22
Ramsey Venner
Like when you do not.

01:12:33:27 – 01:12:43:04
Ramsey Venner
Feel like I’m afraid God is going to strike me down. But fear in a sense that, you realize that there’s something that’s that’s bigger and broader.

01:12:43:04 – 01:12:44:01
Ramsey Venner
And wider and.

01:12:44:01 – 01:12:45:08
Ramsey Venner
More expansive being.

01:12:45:18 – 01:12:49:26
Ramsey Venner
Whatever you’ve been calling your reality, your little world, your little.

01:12:49:26 – 01:12:51:03
Brad Singletary
World. So little.

01:12:51:11 – 01:12:53:17
Ramsey Venner
Is microscopic. Like these things that.

01:12:53:17 – 01:12:56:09
Ramsey Venner
You’ve been pursuing and spending your time and your energy on.

01:12:57:20 – 01:12:59:07
Ramsey Venner
There’s so much more.

01:12:59:12 – 01:13:00:12
Ramsey Venner
It’s so much.

01:13:01:02 – 01:13:01:12
Ramsey Venner
More.

01:13:01:12 – 01:13:02:22
Ramsey Venner
Abundance and greater.

01:13:03:01 – 01:13:05:18
Ramsey Venner
Than what you’ve been focusing on. If you can.

01:13:05:18 – 01:13:06:29
Ramsey Venner
Just take your eyes off of.

01:13:07:01 – 01:13:07:21
Ramsey Venner
Your.

01:13:07:21 – 01:13:07:25
Ramsey Venner
Your.

01:13:07:25 – 01:13:22:07
Ramsey Venner
Situation and look, look, look a little bit further, look a little bit past where you, you know, take that horizon back just a little bit and like take it all lean in. You can see that, look, this this is this is.

01:13:22:24 – 01:13:29:12
Ramsey Venner
Recognizing that you are not here by accident. But what are you going to do with this opportunity?

01:13:30:29 – 01:13:31:17
Ramsey Venner
You’re not here.

01:13:31:17 – 01:13:38:02
Ramsey Venner
By accident, but what are you going to do with the opportunity to have given you to be on this earth, to exist in the fullness and the richness.

01:13:38:08 – 01:13:38:15
Ramsey Venner
Of.

01:13:38:15 – 01:13:39:27
Ramsey Venner
Everything that I’ve created.

01:13:39:27 – 01:13:47:14
Ramsey Venner
And am in? And you’re taking this opportunity, you’re underneath. You have the ability to create life.

01:13:48:10 – 01:13:49:09
Ramsey Venner
Now, we were talking about.

01:13:49:09 – 01:13:50:22
Ramsey Venner
Elon Musk, and I’m right.

01:13:51:27 – 01:14:00:11
Ramsey Venner
My first kind of introduction to a thought process like that was they used to Henry for I made the Mustang, I made the Model T.

01:14:00:23 – 01:14:01:13
Ramsey Venner
Henry Ford.

01:14:01:14 – 01:14:05:21
Ramsey Venner
Was one of the greatest businessmen in all of basically.

01:14:06:11 – 01:14:07:05
Ramsey Venner
An.

01:14:07:07 – 01:14:09:02
Ramsey Venner
In American business history.

01:14:10:24 – 01:14:12:22
Ramsey Venner
Henry Ford made.

01:14:12:27 – 01:14:13:20
Ramsey Venner
The Model T.

01:14:13:20 – 01:14:15:12
Ramsey Venner
But he was widely.

01:14:15:12 – 01:14:19:17
Ramsey Venner
Thought of as a buffoon. They always used to crack on him, like.

01:14:20:12 – 01:14:21:10
Ramsey Venner
Is this do.

01:14:21:11 – 01:14:22:09
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean? Like.

01:14:23:05 – 01:14:25:16
Ramsey Venner
Hey, he was just he had an, um.

01:14:26:07 – 01:14:41:26
Ramsey Venner
Breakable tenacity. I read his biography when I was in prison, and I. And his thing was like, there was only a four cylinder engine block. Lee Iacocca was the other one. They took it to eight, but he made the Model T, and he was always.

01:14:41:26 – 01:14:42:23
Ramsey Venner
Getting, you know.

01:14:43:01 – 01:14:56:13
Ramsey Venner
Derided for being a buffoon, an idiot. And then they called him in one day I was like, or I think he got slandered in a newspaper and he caught the dude to the Met and he was like, Listen.

01:14:56:13 – 01:14:57:01
Ramsey Venner
Everybody.

01:14:57:01 – 01:14:58:07
Ramsey Venner
Who has a question about.

01:14:58:16 – 01:14:59:13
Ramsey Venner
My ability.

01:14:59:26 – 01:15:06:03
Ramsey Venner
My reason in my understanding how much information that I can get, I want you to come in. And he called.

01:15:06:03 – 01:15:07:08
Ramsey Venner
A meeting of.

01:15:07:08 – 01:15:11:26
Ramsey Venner
All these people and got him into his office. The Ford office in Detroit sat them all around the roundtable.

01:15:13:20 – 01:15:15:06
Ramsey Venner
Anybody here at this table.

01:15:15:19 – 01:15:19:25
Ramsey Venner
Asked me a question. You have questions about my competency. Ask me a.

01:15:19:25 – 01:15:22:07
Ramsey Venner
Question. Any question.

01:15:22:07 – 01:15:25:24
Ramsey Venner
Under the sun and I will get you an answer in 2 minutes.

01:15:25:24 – 01:15:33:05
Ramsey Venner
Because Henry Ford at that axis, you pick up the phone and talk to anybody you wanted to. He was Henry Ford’s.

01:15:33:09 – 01:15:33:19
Brad Singletary
Phone, a.

01:15:33:19 – 01:15:40:13
Ramsey Venner
Friend and a friend bro. They asked him about physics. They asked him about chemistry. They asked him about bio. I don’t know how long you give me.

01:15:41:05 – 01:15:42:11
Ramsey Venner
Let me let me call this number.

01:15:42:29 – 01:16:11:27
Ramsey Venner
Right. So he understood the the error at that error back then. The ability to harness information. You harness the information, you can synthesize it and use it for whatever you want to. We were just talking about your God power. Elon Musk, the Jeff Bezos that these dudes aren’t even in this planning. Their thought process is about how we get to Mars and what’s the colony they’re going to look like.

01:16:13:16 – 01:16:25:21
Ramsey Venner
As Wild. Well, their thought processes are different, right? And they’re humans. They’re men like me and you. They’re probably like the same age right around here. Right. But just that they’re level of.

01:16:25:21 – 01:16:31:09
Ramsey Venner
Thinking and understanding. Their reasoning about how things work and how the world works is just on a different level.

01:16:31:09 – 01:16:34:00
Ramsey Venner
It’s not this base level that we’re on.

01:16:34:00 – 01:16:35:23
Ramsey Venner
I’m like, I’m gonna just get up and pay these bills. Like.

01:16:36:10 – 01:16:37:04
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean? Like.

01:16:37:15 – 01:16:39:19
Ramsey Venner
I’m going to go to work so I can make this car note.

01:16:39:19 – 01:16:59:04
Ramsey Venner
Not here. Kanye West, bro. People hate Yeezy, bro, but yeezy is like, Man, I was saying this stuff ten years ago. Everything. Mitchell was mad at me for that, right? Man, y’all giving me props for back then? I said it ten years ago and you hated me when I said it then. But it’s all come to fruition now.

01:16:59:27 – 01:17:02:22
Ramsey Venner
It’s all come to fruition. Tell me I’m not, you know, everything.

01:17:02:22 – 01:17:03:17
Ramsey Venner
That I said. I was going to.

01:17:03:18 – 01:17:08:06
Ramsey Venner
Be back then and now that I’m spouting off more.

01:17:08:06 – 01:17:09:02
Ramsey Venner
Nonsense right.

01:17:09:02 – 01:17:11:04
Ramsey Venner
Now, I better have all of these.

01:17:11:04 – 01:17:14:24
Ramsey Venner
Things ten years from now.

01:17:14:24 – 01:17:34:00
Brad Singletary
So. All right, man. Dude, you are something. I have just a couple. A couple of times today. You, man. I got goose bumps, man. Some of the things you’re saying, it’s really it’s really fascinating just to see that this, like, philosopher’s mind got an athlete’s body philosophers mind you got.

01:17:34:00 – 01:17:34:12
Ramsey Venner
To choose a.

01:17:34:12 – 01:17:35:12
Brad Singletary
Partner spirit.

01:17:36:10 – 01:17:40:19
Ramsey Venner
We call it the decodes man. I got to decode, man. The lawyers and Ramsey. I love you all.

01:17:40:20 – 01:17:47:00
Ramsey Venner
Thank you. Shout out my out made me into this and it God put a little, you know, on the top.

01:17:47:05 – 01:18:11:08
Brad Singletary
But you did something, too. That’s why. That’s why you’re here, man. You know, you’re just you’re not just you’re not just a local business owner. You’re not just a dad. You’re not just you’re doing all these things at a high level. We’ve talked about some of your personal relationships and stuff like that and everything you’re doing. You always seem to be asking questions about how to get yourself in a better spot, whether it’s, you know, business stuff.

01:18:11:13 – 01:18:34:15
Brad Singletary
You’re your workouts, you know, your your employees things at home with the missus. You know, you seem like you’re you’re always just hungry. So in the in the errors that men make, it sounds like you were I couldn’t tell if you were talking about confidence or humility, because there’s really both there that we can be both. We got to be humble enough.

01:18:34:15 – 01:18:49:08
Brad Singletary
And maybe prison taught you some humility. Um, do you think you would have been this guy without that many kids? You got to. You’ve got a sharp mind. You know, you have a lot of great qualities that some of that may be just you were born with.

01:18:50:06 – 01:19:11:25
Ramsey Venner
I think a process, a process negativity. A little different in other people, too. I think I process negativity a lot different actually. Like, okay, I don’t have the spirit to dwell in the negative. I don’t hold grudges. I can’t like it makes me feel bad, right. So in AA and because I went through AA.

01:19:11:25 – 01:19:14:09
Brad Singletary
Right, I love that one. Ask you, I’m glad you came.

01:19:14:09 – 01:19:14:22
Ramsey Venner
Back to that.

01:19:14:23 – 01:19:21:07
Ramsey Venner
AA says the holding is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

01:19:22:19 – 01:19:25:03
Ramsey Venner
So for me, I can’t never.

01:19:25:08 – 01:19:35:12
Ramsey Venner
I just have never been able to, even if I’m mad at somebody, I can stop messing with you because I feel like it’s not a good look for me or I’ve ceased to see the benefit in this relationship. Right?

01:19:35:12 – 01:19:35:23
Ramsey Venner
Right.

01:19:36:00 – 01:19:49:02
Ramsey Venner
But I never just was nasty or spiteful to people just on a on a strength that we don’t see eye to eye or we don’t get along about a thing. And like, I just feel like I but that’s, that’s, that’s, that’s a old chapter.

01:19:49:28 – 01:19:52:14
Ramsey Venner
But I just. I don’t know, man.

01:19:52:22 – 01:20:10:28
Ramsey Venner
And I’m not very good with boundaries, you know what I mean? I that’s that’s that’s a thing my wife always tells me I’m not very good with boundaries. I used to think it was a strength and not have had like terrible break ups. When I was single. I was like, I thought that was a strength. Like any of my exes, I could.

01:20:10:28 – 01:20:14:02
Ramsey Venner
Probably hit a bump up and, you know, whatever it.

01:20:14:02 – 01:20:25:08
Ramsey Venner
Is, if it’s for help, if it’s for, you know, some niceness, I thought that that was a strength. But at this place in life, in a relationship, I.

01:20:25:08 – 01:20:26:21
Ramsey Venner
Do do better.

01:20:26:21 – 01:20:31:23
Ramsey Venner
By boundaries because there’s people that’ll take advantage of you if you leave those doors open.

01:20:32:08 – 01:20:33:19
Ramsey Venner
Hmm. That’s right. Yeah.

01:20:33:24 – 01:20:36:07
Ramsey Venner
There’s people that’ll take advantage of you or.

01:20:36:15 – 01:20:37:18
Ramsey Venner
You won’t.

01:20:37:18 – 01:20:39:16
Ramsey Venner
Reach your full potential because.

01:20:39:28 – 01:20:42:21
Ramsey Venner
Again, you’re halfway m.

01:20:42:21 – 01:20:57:17
Ramsey Venner
Halfway out of a situation, I think he says know, you see, God wants you to either be hot or cold. Right? Right. Don’t be lukewarm. So I used to love the lukewarm. I love the gray area. I’ve made an album called Gray Hair and big severe gray hair. You got to get that.

01:20:57:25 – 01:21:14:12
Ramsey Venner
And the gray area where I just thought it was like the coolest to be, you know, hey, man I’m I’m here or I’m not. And I’ll be like when I see you used to hear me talking on the phone. Like when you when you’re in the game, when you’re in a life, you say stuff.

01:21:14:12 – 01:21:18:27
Ramsey Venner
Without saying it. You don’t say nothing at all. And you say a bunch of things at the same time. Right? Right.

01:21:18:27 – 01:21:19:24
Ramsey Venner
So yeah.

01:21:19:24 – 01:21:29:03
Ramsey Venner
Man, I’m mean, how much later is not really, but I agree or disagree or yes or no. But I’m glad you later about it. Right.

01:21:29:03 – 01:21:32:06
Ramsey Venner
So little bit. Is that me? Ambivalence.

01:21:32:10 – 01:21:33:15
Brad Singletary
Yeah.

01:21:33:15 – 01:21:34:12
Ramsey Venner
UCLA live.

01:21:34:12 – 01:21:35:06
Ramsey Venner
Right there. Right.

01:21:35:26 – 01:21:37:17
Ramsey Venner
People probably will walk away from me like.

01:21:37:27 – 01:21:38:19
Ramsey Venner
Oh, is he coming?

01:21:41:03 – 01:21:44:06
Ramsey Venner
Are you going to be here? You got to get my I did I I’ll.

01:21:44:06 – 01:21:46:11
Ramsey Venner
See what’s going on and I’ll let you know bro. Like.

01:21:47:14 – 01:21:48:17
Brad Singletary
Oh, noncommittal.

01:21:48:17 – 01:21:51:07
Ramsey Venner
Noncommittal, sober, noncommittal. But now.

01:21:51:27 – 01:21:53:00
Ramsey Venner
You have to make your.

01:21:53:00 – 01:22:07:02
Ramsey Venner
Yes is me. Yes. And you knows, me, know and stand on it because people actually start looking at you. Emmett makes a difference in how you carry yourself and how people interact with you and know what to expect from you.

01:22:07:27 – 01:22:09:17
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, he said no, but I.

01:22:09:17 – 01:22:11:28
Ramsey Venner
Mean if you talk to him again, he might be on something different.

01:22:12:01 – 01:22:25:09
Ramsey Venner
Or yes, he was. You know what I mean? Like, if you just you just you never really stake a position. And for me, I like it because.

01:22:26:01 – 01:22:35:23
Ramsey Venner
I always like being able to, depending on how I’m feeling, make a different outcome. I tell my my family all the time that the best thing in the world to have is options, right?

01:22:36:27 – 01:22:37:18
Ramsey Venner
The best thing.

01:22:37:18 – 01:22:49:13
Ramsey Venner
In the world to have is options. I still stand by that. But how I go about creating options now have to be within the boundaries of what I want my mission to be, where I’m actually trying to take it, where we want to go with it. There’s this an alignment.

01:22:49:13 – 01:22:52:16
Brad Singletary
It doesn’t if it’s not taking you there, you don’t want it now.

01:22:53:19 – 01:23:08:16
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. So the alignment is a big thing. Like alignment is like my, my son is a Sagittarius, right? So that’s the archer. You got to lock in on your target. And even daddy’s like.

01:23:08:16 – 01:23:11:02
Ramsey Venner
Locking my team again.

01:23:11:03 – 01:23:25:05
Ramsey Venner
You lock in on your targeting, and you make all of your moves, all of your conversations, all of your actions toward that desired target. And you’re going to get there if the paces are slow, if you’re crawling sometimes, if you’re, you know, all.

01:23:25:06 – 01:23:26:03
Ramsey Venner
The rolling.

01:23:26:08 – 01:23:28:00
Ramsey Venner
You know, if you’re rolling on your.

01:23:28:00 – 01:23:35:08
Ramsey Venner
Side just to get in that direction, but long as you keep going in that direction, eventually you going to pull up and it’s going to be where you want to be.

01:23:36:11 – 01:23:48:19
Brad Singletary
What’s something that you’re still working on as a man on that, you know, you come a long way, you got all kind of maturity and really great things going on. What’s something you still struggle, but you’re working at?

01:23:48:19 – 01:24:03:27
Ramsey Venner
Saying no is a thing that I’m working on of late deciding what my worth is. Side of what my position is, what my posture is, deciding that some things just aren’t for me do.

01:24:04:03 – 01:24:04:18
Ramsey Venner
Or.

01:24:04:19 – 01:24:28:27
Ramsey Venner
Maybe not the season, maybe not. No. They don’t have value if they don’t have value to me, if they don’t have value to my mission, if they don’t add value to where I want to take my family, then it’s getting easier and easier to make those decisions. I know it’s not doing it. And then I mean, like or, I mean, it could be an opportunity.

01:24:29:04 – 01:24:35:02
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, maybe if, you know, I had a a little stronger back maybe I take that on to buddies.

01:24:35:18 – 01:24:50:28
Brad Singletary
That are just jumping right on, right on to anything that comes along. Like I love the Code by Warren Buffett that said that the difference between successful people and extremely successful is that extremely successful people say no to almost everything.

01:24:50:28 – 01:24:51:08
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:24:52:07 – 01:25:02:22
Brad Singletary
And that’s that’s that’s difficulty for me to just say no. But it’s funny because think about you think about some rich successful person. They, they know how to say no.

01:25:03:01 – 01:25:04:07
Ramsey Venner
You know, all day long. No.

01:25:05:01 – 01:25:05:26
Ramsey Venner
That’s, that’s it.

01:25:06:10 – 01:25:06:14
Ramsey Venner
For.

01:25:07:01 – 01:25:07:14
Brad Singletary
Me, you know.

01:25:07:14 – 01:25:08:16
Ramsey Venner
Really. No. Yeah.

01:25:09:00 – 01:25:10:11
Ramsey Venner
They got people to say no.

01:25:10:23 – 01:25:11:14
Brad Singletary
That’s what he.

01:25:12:16 – 01:25:12:25
Ramsey Venner
Did.

01:25:12:25 – 01:25:15:05
Brad Singletary
To just answer the phone and tell everybody no. Okay.

01:25:15:05 – 01:25:31:24
Ramsey Venner
As of the fall, tell them what I know, you know. But you have to put yourself in a position that. That’s right. The opportunity that you have. Right. Because as we’re striving and as we’re growing and we’re trying to put it together now, the way I feel like I got here is by saying yes to everything. You made me dinner at three in the morning bed.

01:25:31:24 – 01:25:35:24
Ramsey Venner
I got it with you. This a whole hospital by myself?

01:25:35:24 – 01:25:39:26
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, I’ll do it, you know? I mean, I’m just that that’s how I got.

01:25:39:26 – 01:25:41:04
Ramsey Venner
To the place that I’m.

01:25:41:20 – 01:25:44:04
Ramsey Venner
That I’m at right now, where we have employees.

01:25:44:04 – 01:25:55:15
Ramsey Venner
And have relationships. And we’re doing business on every part of this city. And we have vehicles that are there now. And any time I click on my phone, I have some people under my label that are.

01:25:55:15 – 01:25:58:00
Ramsey Venner
At work helping me build a.

01:25:58:00 – 01:26:00:19
Ramsey Venner
Future for our family, like their family.

01:26:00:19 – 01:26:08:22
Ramsey Venner
As well, don’t get me wrong. But at the same time, listen, they’re on a clock. I’m I’m talking to you. So this is this is building.

01:26:08:22 – 01:26:10:26
Ramsey Venner
In a different way. But understand.

01:26:10:26 – 01:26:13:09
Ramsey Venner
It took me saying yes to everything.

01:26:13:09 – 01:26:21:00
Ramsey Venner
To get to this place. Now, as it relates to my personal time, as it relates to what I will do with my with my energy and my attention, and.

01:26:21:00 – 01:26:23:13
Brad Singletary
Even in your companies, because you’ve got other people doing some of.

01:26:23:13 – 01:26:32:13
Ramsey Venner
That. Yes. Even as a as it comes to that, it’s we say no when we have to or no when it’s not the right fit or no, because.

01:26:32:13 – 01:26:32:29
Ramsey Venner
I’ve been.

01:26:32:29 – 01:26:36:01
Ramsey Venner
Down that road and I know that it’s not as sweet as it sounds.

01:26:36:18 – 01:26:37:06
Ramsey Venner
You know what I mean?

01:26:37:06 – 01:26:45:17
Ramsey Venner
Like, there’s there’s some jobs where I’m like, oh, I know. I remember that. Nope you know, restaurants no. On doing.

01:26:46:05 – 01:26:49:19
Ramsey Venner
Because while you’re willing to actually pay.

01:26:49:20 – 01:27:05:25
Ramsey Venner
For us to come and do that service the is for me to have my folks going there and night after night after night that don’t work in the restaurant industry. When I remember the nights when I worked in the kitchen and it’s two in the morning, I got to pull up the grates and it’s food and it’s smell and it’s grease.

01:27:06:17 – 01:27:16:28
Ramsey Venner
My folks aren’t going to be able to respond to that every night in the way that I want my company to be represented. So my brand will suffer because we are not able to.

01:27:16:28 – 01:27:17:20
Ramsey Venner
Fulfill.

01:27:18:05 – 01:27:28:13
Ramsey Venner
At the level that we’re supposed to fulfill, like we deliver superior cleaning every time. That’s our tagline, Superior cleaning every time, right? And we do our muster where we do a whole screaming thing.

01:27:28:25 – 01:27:32:22
Ramsey Venner
Every time, every time, every time, every time, all the time, all the.

01:27:32:22 – 01:27:38:15
Ramsey Venner
Time. You know what I mean? And my folks get involved with it because again, when we’re out there and we’re servicing our clients.

01:27:38:24 – 01:27:39:08
Ramsey Venner
You don’t want.

01:27:39:08 – 01:27:42:01
Ramsey Venner
Them to feel like, you know, these dudes came and found it.

01:27:42:03 – 01:27:43:25
Brad Singletary
Easy to cut the corners.

01:27:43:25 – 01:27:47:09
Ramsey Venner
Today. And when I look at, you know, what it takes to do a.

01:27:47:09 – 01:27:54:29
Ramsey Venner
Week of restaurant, clean up, it’s not a lot of folks is cut out for that. Like if you’re in the food industry, you know, it comes along with it.

01:27:55:13 – 01:27:56:22
Ramsey Venner
But if you’re playing.

01:27:56:22 – 01:28:03:16
Ramsey Venner
In beautiful buildings and, you know, dealerships and offices and you know what I mean? The church lobby like.

01:28:03:16 – 01:28:07:17
Ramsey Venner
To send you into that hill because like, bro.

01:28:07:29 – 01:28:10:26
Ramsey Venner
I know all the stuff we’re.

01:28:10:26 – 01:28:29:04
Ramsey Venner
I walked out of my job. I walked out of a job because the kitchen was nasty. One time I worked at T.G.I. Fridays. Do you remember to hear from your business now? So listen, I walked into T.G.I. Friday’s. You saw it coming. I was mad. Listen, I was in there cooking and I had that on my in the little appetizer section.

01:28:29:04 – 01:28:43:19
Ramsey Venner
And I’m making what was in the potato skins and buffalo wings. And I’m breezy a mad it’s like 130 in the morning. He’s like, yeah, you got to clean out. The fried of grease is still 350 degrees coming in on the day fire right now. Man.

01:28:44:07 – 01:28:45:25
Ramsey Venner
Listen, you got to clean out there, FRYER.

01:28:45:25 – 01:28:51:22
Ramsey Venner
You got to take it. Strain the oil through this thing, take the oil, put it back in. And I’m like, listen.

01:28:52:07 – 01:28:54:21
Ramsey Venner
I’m going to go ahead and take this apron off this.

01:28:55:12 – 01:28:57:16
Brad Singletary
So you are doing janitorial. You worked for two years.

01:28:57:16 – 01:29:01:21
Ramsey Venner
You worked as a cook. And it was just one night we.

01:29:01:21 – 01:29:10:20
Ramsey Venner
Got to slaughter, right. And I was just like, man, I was dumb. You know what I mean? Like, like T.G.I. Friday’s used to pop on the weekends and use that one 3230 in the morning is like.

01:29:10:20 – 01:29:11:02
Ramsey Venner
Going.

01:29:12:02 – 01:29:17:22
Ramsey Venner
It’s done finally. I’ve been working since 5:00. It’s 230 in the morning and now I got.

01:29:17:22 – 01:29:19:05
Ramsey Venner
To go clean out the fryer.

01:29:20:22 – 01:29:24:19
Ramsey Venner
Listen, man. I’m going to go home.

01:29:24:19 – 01:29:38:10
Brad Singletary
I worked at it. I worked at a Pizza Hut in Florida and it was really well run. I was like 18, 19. And then I moved to another state and worked at a Pizza Hut. I came in or one day as opener. Yeah. And I was able to get the dough going and all this and I left as such a mess.

01:29:38:10 – 01:29:51:04
Brad Singletary
I quit the job, I just left. They walked in, the manager came in 11. There were no no food ready. Yeah, I just left it on standby. I can’t do it so clean. Free. That’s the name of your company. That’s. Are you a clean freak?

01:29:51:13 – 01:29:55:22
Ramsey Venner
I used to be a lot more of a clean freak. And then I started having babies.

01:29:56:00 – 01:29:59:05
Brad Singletary
So now it’s all good. It’s just. We’ll get that. We’ll get.

01:29:59:09 – 01:30:19:01
Ramsey Venner
It. It’s in general, in my personal life, things that we, you know, maintain a high standard for everything as it relates to, you know, business and our clients. But at my house, like, you know, like I told you, there’s so many so much time taken away by being in the world and building business like you just want to be around your people.

01:30:19:01 – 01:30:22:15
Ramsey Venner
So you still go nuts? Yeah. Yeah, I’m still.

01:30:23:25 – 01:30:24:07
Ramsey Venner
I’m sitting.

01:30:24:07 – 01:30:33:21
Ramsey Venner
Here taking it. But then, you know, me and my wife, we blow staff blessing around the house like we make the kids clean up. I mean, you can’t just live in squalor.

01:30:33:22 – 01:30:34:18
Ramsey Venner
And still live where you.

01:30:34:18 – 01:30:38:26
Brad Singletary
Travel. I already met your wife. I didn’t know that place pretty well.

01:30:39:02 – 01:30:40:09
Ramsey Venner
Yeah, she runs a tight ship.

01:30:40:12 – 01:31:02:05
Brad Singletary
Tell me, man. Well, last question for you, bro. What is the most Alpha thing about you? What attribute, what gift you know, what talent can you really own? Or more than one, but what the most Alpha things about you, the things that are just special about you and that you don’t apologize, that that is a special the strength you have.

01:31:02:20 – 01:31:21:10
Ramsey Venner
I just I think I’ve always had the mentality that if any man can do it, then I can do it. I don’t care what it is. I don’t care if it’s it’s climbing a building like it was jumping on a plane. I don’t care if he’s starting a business. I don’t care if it’s, you know, learning how to balance budget.

01:31:21:24 – 01:31:41:09
Ramsey Venner
I just don’t. The only difference between me and Elon Musk is information. He’s got information that I haven’t got yet. He’s got access to information that I haven’t been given yet or that I haven’t sought out yet. I don’t know the questions to ask exactly. But if there’s something that I want in this world, I can have it.

01:31:41:09 – 01:31:58:25
Ramsey Venner
And I don’t apologize for it. I don’t apologize. And the other part about me, I’m that dude is going to go get it. I don’t care about sleep. I don’t care about like, you know, people’s perception of me. Work too hard. You need to relax. You needed I mean, I take you from my wife. That’s it.

01:31:58:25 – 01:32:01:17
Ramsey Venner
But anybody else telling me how.

01:32:01:17 – 01:32:07:26
Ramsey Venner
I see, you know, adjudicate my time and what I should do with my time to my attention, I don’t bar.

01:32:08:02 – 01:32:12:28
Brad Singletary
Your homies mad at you this, Duke. Busy. He got kids. He got a business. He tried to hang out.

01:32:13:16 – 01:32:28:23
Ramsey Venner
I don’t I know people like that. Anybody that’s just trying to hang out, that’s that’s that’s long since gone. Like, I had those type of folks when I was sitting in prison, you know, because again, okay, that’s the time to hang out with. Since I’ve touched down, I.

01:32:28:23 – 01:32:29:03
Ramsey Venner
Haven’t.

01:32:29:17 – 01:32:32:20
Ramsey Venner
Like there’s folks that will either go because they got their own.

01:32:32:20 – 01:32:35:13
Ramsey Venner
Thing going. Yeah. And we can commute.

01:32:35:13 – 01:32:47:04
Ramsey Venner
And talking and maybe go get lunch on that level or you tell me what’s going on with you and I’ll tell you what’s going on with me. How can we help each other? Like I have business partners. I got people that I do bills and commitments with.

01:32:47:19 – 01:32:48:19
Ramsey Venner
I don’t have.

01:32:48:19 – 01:33:05:06
Ramsey Venner
A lot of slack. Nothing like recreational basketball team seemed like, cumbersome to me. I was like, well, yes, only my kids and my business to go shoot around a hoop. This is just where I’ve kind of trained and.

01:33:05:11 – 01:33:08:10
Ramsey Venner
I don’t know. I don’t have that.

01:33:09:04 – 01:33:11:24
Ramsey Venner
Feeling like I’m approaching burnout or you know what I.

01:33:11:24 – 01:33:15:19
Ramsey Venner
Mean? I love what I do. I love my wife. I love how.

01:33:15:25 – 01:33:22:29
Ramsey Venner
How every day there’s a different challenge. I wish a lot of it was, you know, easier or are all put together.

01:33:22:29 – 01:33:24:00
Ramsey Venner
Are already done.

01:33:24:09 – 01:33:27:20
Ramsey Venner
But I realize right now in the fire I’m building.

01:33:28:16 – 01:33:43:18
Brad Singletary
The journey is the destination, right? Yes. I mean, like. That’s all right. This is the beauty of it. Yes, sir. The outcome is right now you’re right now you’re you’re learning and growing. You lighten everything up on the inside as you watch it happen, you’re figuring out a big old puzzle.

01:33:43:26 – 01:33:44:09
Ramsey Venner
Yes.

01:33:44:09 – 01:34:00:18
Brad Singletary
How to be a man, how to be a father, how to be alive and how to be an entrepreneur. You know how to keep your faith, how to do all the things that are just going to bring you peace and happiness. I love what you’ve done with your life, man. I love what you’re. It’s even more impressive than I knew it would have been here talking to you tonight.

01:34:00:18 – 01:34:02:11
Brad Singletary
I definitely want to have you back, man.

01:34:02:17 – 01:34:03:08
Ramsey Venner
Any time you.

01:34:03:08 – 01:34:10:25
Brad Singletary
Got you have. You definitely have. You just got a great voice. You’ve got a great story. You got wisdom. I just man, we’re going to I want to.

01:34:11:03 – 01:34:28:10
Ramsey Venner
Give an inside man. We give a lay low, man. That’s all it is, man. We give life and love and we’re just going to keep putting it out there. Listen, anybody who’s listening to this program right now, I’m going to do a solid because my dude is like my brother from another mother. Listen, you guys want to get into the janitorial space.

01:34:28:21 – 01:34:30:21
Ramsey Venner
Even if you don’t want, to get into the janitorial space.

01:34:30:21 – 01:34:31:01
Ramsey Venner
If you.

01:34:31:01 – 01:34:31:25
Ramsey Venner
Want to create.

01:34:32:07 – 01:34:34:14
Ramsey Venner
A business, the semi passive that.

01:34:34:14 – 01:34:35:12
Ramsey Venner
Can help you.

01:34:35:20 – 01:34:39:19
Ramsey Venner
Change the course of your family like clean freak is done for me.

01:34:39:19 – 01:34:45:21
Ramsey Venner
I want to give you a copy of our free e-book. Okay? Just all of the folks that are out there in the Alpha.

01:34:45:21 – 01:34:48:20
Ramsey Venner
Quorum, all of the Alphas that are out there listening. This is for you.

01:34:48:20 – 01:34:49:28
Ramsey Venner
Bro right now.

01:34:49:28 – 01:34:53:08
Ramsey Venner
Go to Ramsey Venter r msci.

01:34:53:08 – 01:34:55:06
Ramsey Venner
V an e r dot.

01:34:55:06 – 01:34:56:16
Ramsey Venner
Com forward slash.

01:34:56:17 – 01:34:59:26
Ramsey Venner
E-Book. Okay, take that e-book for free.

01:34:59:26 – 01:35:02:15
Ramsey Venner
That’s on me. I’m giving you guys that code right now.

01:35:02:15 – 01:35:03:16
Ramsey Venner
You get the e-book.

01:35:03:27 – 01:35:07:11
Ramsey Venner
Follow the steps. We have a webinar that’s out there, 30 minute webinar.

01:35:07:11 – 01:35:09:07
Ramsey Venner
I tell you everything you’re going to me.

01:35:09:17 – 01:35:11:29
Ramsey Venner
Everything that you’re going to learn inside of our program.

01:35:12:07 – 01:35:17:04
Ramsey Venner
You like that? Go ahead and follow that trail and get the program.

01:35:17:04 – 01:35:18:22
Ramsey Venner
Blueprint of janitorial success.

01:35:19:07 – 01:35:24:13
Ramsey Venner
Every step that it took us to get there and I’m going to personally help you did.

01:35:24:13 – 01:35:25:02
Ramsey Venner
Your first.

01:35:25:02 – 01:35:26:13
Ramsey Venner
Couple of clients and get.

01:35:26:13 – 01:35:30:08
Ramsey Venner
You started in the janitorial space. I don’t want you to be a front line worker. This is.

01:35:30:08 – 01:35:30:28
Ramsey Venner
Not that.

01:35:30:28 – 01:35:31:12
Ramsey Venner
This is not.

01:35:31:12 – 01:35:34:24
Ramsey Venner
About getting out there and and get your.

01:35:34:24 – 01:35:36:25
Brad Singletary
Job as a yeah. This is not the.

01:35:36:25 – 01:35:46:06
Ramsey Venner
Kind of job I’m going to show you how to create a somewhat passive business, a semi passive business that will get you thousands a month.

01:35:47:03 – 01:35:56:06
Ramsey Venner
Tens of thousands a month where you can change what you’re doing. You’re making four or five grand. It’s a job right now. You’re working eight, ten, 15 hours a day unsatisfied. You don’t like.

01:35:56:06 – 01:35:56:21
Ramsey Venner
Where you live.

01:35:56:21 – 01:35:58:27
Ramsey Venner
You don’t like where you drive. You don’t like who you’re talking to.

01:35:59:05 – 01:36:01:09
Ramsey Venner
Okay, we’ll get on board with this blueprint.

01:36:01:09 – 01:36:02:15
Ramsey Venner
Of janitorial success.

01:36:02:28 – 01:36:12:10
Ramsey Venner
Take that. Learn the lessons that we’ve put together. I’ve already done the work for you. You just got to follow suit. There’s videos. There’s videos from people on my team.

01:36:12:10 – 01:36:14:03
Ramsey Venner
Testimonials from people will tell you.

01:36:14:03 – 01:36:16:20
Ramsey Venner
Exactly how we did it. I stand on the things that we.

01:36:16:20 – 01:36:17:16
Ramsey Venner
Put in this video.

01:36:17:25 – 01:36:20:13
Ramsey Venner
You take a look at that blueprint of janitorial success.

01:36:20:13 – 01:36:23:18
Ramsey Venner
Follow yourself down that path. Listen, I’m going to personally.

01:36:23:18 – 01:36:28:05
Ramsey Venner
Be your coach to help you get to where you need to be and start.

01:36:28:05 – 01:36:30:18
Ramsey Venner
Making passive income in the janitorial space.

01:36:30:22 – 01:36:35:15
Ramsey Venner
I guarantee you you will love everything that you see. And if you follow the.

01:36:35:15 – 01:36:39:14
Ramsey Venner
Steps that you’ve that we’ve put together in this program, it will change your life.

01:36:40:01 – 01:36:49:22
Brad Singletary
Dude, I love it. I want to make sure we usually post this on Thursday, so I’ll make sure I have the links and everything I got to get a cool picture of you and I appreciate you being here. Ramsey. You just you.

01:36:49:28 – 01:36:50:07
Ramsey Venner
As.

01:36:50:07 – 01:37:08:08
Brad Singletary
Luis telling you, man, this has been remarkable to me. It’s amazing to me how these episodes keep getting better and better. We’re on like I think this is maybe 98,000. So 98 now we’ve been at this for years. I’m just like, you blow him away, dude. I’m. I’m sitting over here, got the goose bumps listening to what you shared.

01:37:08:19 – 01:37:13:15
Brad Singletary
Thank you so much, man. We want to get your links out there, your your social media, whatever you want to share.

01:37:13:15 – 01:37:13:28
Ramsey Venner
Yeah.

01:37:13:28 – 01:37:28:05
Brad Singletary
And I’ll support you. Do a man. If there’s something I can do, dude, I will. I’ll help you in whatever way I can. So. Absolutely. Thank you for being here, man. I really appreciate it. And you guys. Here’s a story of a man who had every reason to give up.

01:37:28:19 – 01:37:28:29
Ramsey Venner
The.

01:37:29:25 – 01:37:51:12
Brad Singletary
Continue continuous arrests, continuous trouble, substance use was a problem. I’m sure the ladies were a problem. Oh, yeah. You know, you got yourself into trouble. You know, you were a high profile person as an athlete and and all that came crashing down. You learn some humility. Picked up a good book in in the big house.

01:37:51:13 – 01:37:52:06
Ramsey Venner
Yeah. You know.

01:37:52:06 – 01:38:12:03
Brad Singletary
And made a big life for yourself and are making a big life for yourself because the result of those things we use in other men. You asked me questions about things. I hear you talking to these other men and really pursuing their wisdom and and you you just it’s it’s special. It’s a privilege for me to sit here and listen to you, man.

01:38:12:03 – 01:38:20:27
Brad Singletary
I can’t wait to hear this whole thing put together. I don’t think I have one. I don’t think I have one. I think I’ve coughed or maybe I farted in there somewhere, but I.

01:38:21:12 – 01:38:22:08
Ramsey Venner
Was like, Maybe it’s just.

01:38:22:08 – 01:38:26:14
Brad Singletary
Smooth. This is so smooth. I love how you’ve spoken. You’re a nightmare. I appreciate it, Ramsey.

01:38:26:14 – 01:38:27:17
Ramsey Venner
Appreciate you guys.

01:38:27:17 – 01:38:36:06
Brad Singletary
Until next time, no excuses. Alpha Up.

01:38:36:06 – 01:38:40:03
Outro
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

. I’m like the heck you are.

00:00:05:06 – 00:00:05:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he did it.

00:00:06:05 – 00:00:18:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
He would walk to my house every night and he would just walk the neighborhood with me every night. He said, how about the plan of going home and learning to love your wife and.

00:00:18:20 – 00:00:22:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Have her learn to love you? What I garnered from that.

00:00:23:13 – 00:00:27:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Was this concept of one on one time. He said, Just hold on.

00:00:28:06 – 00:00:31:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Just hold on. The light will return.

00:00:32:29 – 00:00:35:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
So he turned me in to the Nevada State Bar.

00:00:36:05 – 00:00:39:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wrote a letter on me, said, Mr. Williams told me to go.

00:00:39:20 – 00:00:40:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
F myself.

00:00:42:27 – 00:00:47:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
If I need a car. I got a call from bar counsel. Who is this porch? Williams?

00:00:48:15 – 00:00:49:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, sir.

00:00:49:21 – 00:00:52:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Did you tell that lawyer to go F himself.

00:00:52:24 – 00:00:53:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, I did.

00:00:54:13 – 00:00:58:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you not do that anymore? No, I won’t. And I’ve never done it again.

00:01:04:05 – 00:01:23:23
Speaker 3
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen. This is the Alpha Corps.

00:01:30:21 – 00:01:56:23
Brad Singletary
Our guest today was born in Las Vegas on February 2nd. 1966 He’s the youngest of five children. His father worked a variety of jobs when Bush was a kid. His father started the Las Vegas Motocross Club and later the Las Vegas Bicycle Motocross Club. Every Saturday and Sunday, he spent at the motocross and bicycle motocross track with his family organizing and running events.

00:01:57:08 – 00:02:19:01
Brad Singletary
Butch also raced both BMX and motocross himself. When Butch was about 14 years old. The track was no more feasible to run. His dad started a plumbing company, and Butch began to learn the trade of plumbing, which also worked a variety of other jobs and high school, including being a dishwasher at Marie Calendar’s and driving a delivery truck.

00:02:19:20 – 00:02:47:14
Brad Singletary
When he was 19 years old, he decided to serve in LDS Mission which had joined the church approximately three years earlier. He served in Alaska and had a wonderful time there. Upon returning home, he attended college at UNLV and then received a Bachelor of Science Degree in Construction Management from Brigham Young University in 1991. While at BYU, he met and married the magnificent Paula Jones from Woodburn, Oregon.

00:02:48:25 – 00:03:18:22
Brad Singletary
They have six children, five of whom are married. They are the grandparents of ten grandchildren, which attended law school at the MCGEORGE School of Law in Sacramento, California. He graduated in 1994 and returned to Las Vegas with his family in 1997. He started his own law practice. He mostly represents contractors and subcontractors in construction issues. He also practices in the areas of real estate and business law.

00:03:19:08 – 00:03:42:19
Brad Singletary
Approximately seven years ago, his son in law, Drew Starbuck, graduated law school and came to work with Butch. Mr. Starbucks practices primarily in real estate planning and probate. They own the firm Williams Starbuck. But I’m so glad to have you here, man. I have been I’ve had my eye on you since I started this whole thing and thought, That’s it, dude, I want to get in here.

00:03:42:19 – 00:04:02:13
Brad Singletary
So we ran around in some of the same circles here, probably ten or 15 years ago, and I’ve moved to the other side of town, and maybe you’ve moved out of that neighborhood, but I’ve watched you with your family and what you have going on. And I just thought this is the exactly the type of man that I want to highlight once we get around to being able to do that.

00:04:02:13 – 00:04:13:29
Brad Singletary
So welcome here, man. I really appreciate you driving all this way. Drove up to my building today and I see this black Corvette and, and I knew exactly who was here.

00:04:14:21 – 00:04:18:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
It’s an old one. It didn’t cost very much or whatever.

00:04:18:06 – 00:04:46:11
Brad Singletary
It’s super sweet. So again, thank you for being here, man. We’re just we’re just trying to help men level themselves up, whether that be through education or through learning how to have be better in their family or through emotional intelligence, you know, recovering from addictions and just being good men. And so anyone who knows you, I’m sure, would safely say that’s a good dude to be highlighting as a good as a good man.

00:04:46:11 – 00:04:48:05
Brad Singletary
So thank you again for being here.

00:04:48:19 – 00:05:05:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m glad to be here. And I surely don’t deserve any praise. But but I life life has been good to me. Challenging but good. And if there’s ever a time to spend on raising young men to me and it’s now, right?

00:05:05:18 – 00:05:23:22
Brad Singletary
Yes, totally. That’s one of the reasons that we feel good about what we’re doing. We have a smaller audience but I think we’ve had listeners from 39 different countries through this whole thing. And so we’re hoping to just continue to grow this and appreciate you being a part of a part of this here today. So talk more about your family.

00:05:23:22 – 00:05:28:23
Brad Singletary
You’ve got ten grandchildren. Are they are most of your kids here in town or they live in other places or.

00:05:29:06 – 00:05:49:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, so we’ve got my oldest son, Tyson, and his wife live in the San Diego area. They’re in Carlsbad, California, OK? They’ve got three little kids and yeah, he runs a shelter business down there. And as a couple of other things that he’s involved in, we’re trying to get him back to Las Vegas, but he seems to like that surf too much.

00:05:49:11 – 00:05:57:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I bet. So I’m sure he Sanford coming home. He won’t be back My daughter, Kayla.

00:05:57:21 – 00:06:17:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kayla Starbuck, she’s married to Drew Starbuck, OK? And she’s wonderful. And a matter of fact, when she met Drew when they were in college, he wasn’t sure where he was going. And so she helped him figure out where he was going. And next thing you know, he was in law school and next thing you know, he’s practicing with me.

00:06:17:16 – 00:06:23:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
So never underestimate the power of a magnificent woman, right?

00:06:23:04 – 00:06:24:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You can keep.

00:06:24:04 – 00:06:28:02
Brad Singletary
Your eye on in there. If he’s working with that, you can you can always be watching, right?

00:06:28:02 – 00:06:37:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
All the time. He’s great. He’s he was in the Marines, and so he came in with maturity and just just a good guy. Good, humble guy.

00:06:37:25 – 00:06:39:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Looking for a little girls.

00:06:39:13 – 00:06:45:00
Brad Singletary
I looked him up. I looked up on your website and looked up you and him and saw your pictures and read a little bit about him. It’s impressive.

00:06:45:08 – 00:06:45:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, he’s.

00:06:45:29 – 00:07:00:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
He really is that good. We just love him to death. Then I have a son named Zach. Zach’s married, and he just finished law school. He decided not to come to work for Dad, but he’s working for a big firm. I guess it pays more money. I don’t know.

00:07:01:16 – 00:07:02:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
He’s doing well.

00:07:02:16 – 00:07:26:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I’ve got a daughter named Hailey. She’s up in Utah. She’s married to Vince Miller. We just love this guy. He graduated with a master’s in accounting, but his love is the army is. Well, his father was next in line to be the chaplain for the United States Army. Wow. And decided he didn’t want to quite go that path.

00:07:26:19 – 00:07:38:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
But Vince has followed his father in the military, and he finished Army Ranger training last year. And just now he’s trying to be a Green Beret. So I.

00:07:38:13 – 00:07:40:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Now yeah, he’s a he’s a fun.

00:07:40:03 – 00:08:09:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kid. Plus, he likes to go fishing. And I like that so I got a place to fish. Hey, yeah. I have a son named Josh. Josh is married here in Las Vegas. He’s working in the construction industry. And finishing his education at U and LV in my last girl or child, I should say, is Alexa. And Alexa just finished flight attendant school for Breeze Airlines, which is, I guess, a subsidiary of some sort to JetBlue.

00:08:10:08 – 00:08:11:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
OK, so maybe we’ll get some.

00:08:11:19 – 00:08:16:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Free flights out of all of this. I don’t know how many passes like Buddy passes and I like free.

00:08:18:19 – 00:08:23:04
Brad Singletary
So your wife, you said she’s from Oregon. You met her at school. You met in college, right?

00:08:23:04 – 00:08:36:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. She’s amazing. She is from a little town called Wood or I should say named Woodburn, Oregon. Her father is a veterinarian. I thought I might be marrying into money. I come to find out he’s a farm vet.

00:08:38:06 – 00:08:40:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. Like I came to further find out.

00:08:41:09 – 00:08:42:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
If it cost more than the price of the.

00:08:42:29 – 00:08:48:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cow. They usually just shoot the cow as the oldest of six kids.

00:08:50:05 – 00:08:51:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
She’s just great, you know?

00:08:53:00 – 00:09:06:05
Brad Singletary
So you we talked a little bit about your career. You have a law practice here. You do like construction stuff. That’s a majority of what you’re doing. It is. And then your son in law.

00:09:07:03 – 00:09:07:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

00:09:07:11 – 00:09:08:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Drew Starbuck, yeah.

00:09:08:14 – 00:09:28:27
Brad Singletary
And then your son in law, Drew. He does some other things, real estate and different types of types of practice there. So you started that three years at three years after you graduated. That’s pretty quick. I, I mean, I don’t know much about the practice of law, but it seems like three years after that’s fast doing your own thing.

00:09:29:03 – 00:09:51:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
It was probably too quick. But, you know, I had worked three different jobs in three years out of law school now. I never got fired but I always just felt like I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. So I came home one day kind of in a somber mood. And my wife was five months pregnant with our fifth child.

00:09:51:26 – 00:10:09:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I said, Honey, I’m just I just don’t know what it is. And she said, well, start your own practice. I said, I don’t have any clients. I said, Maybe one or two. She said, It’ll work out. I said, But you’re five months pregnant. We don’t have health insurance. It’ll work out so the first call I made was to the baby doctor, I’ll never forget.

00:10:09:24 – 00:10:13:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Call you. Do you accept a payment plan.

00:10:15:14 – 00:10:18:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said, We’ll work it out. So I.

00:10:18:21 – 00:10:35:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I went to the bank, and in those days I’ll never forget the guy. I believe his name was Larry Woodrum. And he was at Bank West of Nevada, and somebody said, You got to go see Larry. He’ll loan you money. So I walk in and I sit down with this guy, and I’m sure my head was hung down low.

00:10:35:25 – 00:10:50:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Can I borrow $50,000 to start a law practice? 15 minutes later, I had $50,000 in account. Wow. And all magnificent part of that, as I look back of the story, is that two years later I called him. I said.

00:10:50:25 – 00:10:51:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Larry.

00:10:51:16 – 00:10:57:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you take your $50,000 back? I never had to use it, and I’m tired of paying interest on it.

00:10:57:13 – 00:10:58:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow. So.

00:10:59:03 – 00:11:04:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I don’t think people get loans that easy anymore in Las Vegas. But but that’s how it worked out.

00:11:04:14 – 00:11:15:00
Brad Singletary
And it seems like your wife had all the faith in the beginning. She kind of pushed you toward it and said, don’t you worry, like it’ll work out. And you had the courage to make a big leave. That’s that’s impressive.

00:11:15:13 – 00:11:46:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. I’ve talked to a lot of young men who wanted to start their own practice, and they have asked me over the years how do you do it? And I would ask them a question, how much do you give to charity every month? And if the response was very little, then I would say, you’re not ready yet. Now, the reason I said that is because when I was going to start my own practice, I was actually racing motorcycles again.

00:11:46:17 – 00:12:04:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I was out at the track one night and I was talking to a friend of mine and he asked me a question. He said, How much do you give to charity every month? And I said, I don’t know, 40 or $50. And he told me, You’re not ready to start your own practice. Wow. And I said, Well, how much do you give?

00:12:04:17 – 00:12:23:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he told me. I said, Well, that’s my house payment. He said, Yeah. He said, When you learn that concept, you’ll be fine. And so what we did is I actually went home that night and I was kind of mad at my friend. That is being a little judgmental, but we went home that night and I talked to my wife about it.

00:12:23:27 – 00:12:56:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Honey, I think there’s something to what he’s saying. If we’re going to start this, we get we got to give more and she said, OK, so we did. We immediately started to give more. And, you know, the phone has always ring. So here I and that was 1997 and now we’re in 2022 and even through the recession the phone rang and so every young person that I have given that counsel to whether it be in the practice of law or other business, their phone is ringing.

00:12:56:08 – 00:13:09:06
Brad Singletary
Well what, what is the principle there like? I mean just that you are you have the kind of maturity, you have the kind of, you know, selfless maturity or something. How does that work? What is the math on that?

00:13:10:08 – 00:13:39:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t think it’s earthly math. Right. You know, my parents, when I when I decided to join the LDS Church and in the end serve a mission, they were OK with me joining the LDS Church. But when I decided to serve a mission that didn’t go over or as well originally as what I thought it might, but they knew I was dedicated because I, I worked and I saved about 12 or $13,000 and this was back in 1984, 1985.

00:13:39:02 – 00:14:03:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
So it’s a lot of hard work and a lot of savings. When I came home from that mission, my money was still in my bank account. I had no idea that they had paid for it. Wow. And I asked my parents what, what did you do, why they said, well, we just decided to pay for it, but now we’re going to give money every month to a charity because we recognize our business had never done so well so you know, those are things stick in your mind, right.

00:14:04:15 – 00:14:04:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

00:14:04:25 – 00:14:27:05
Brad Singletary
That’s great modeling from your parents who didn’t necessarily share the same faith but but respected what you did. And even though they started to show you, you you originally showed them you taught them something that they reinforced you carried that and spread that same message to young professionals out there. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s why you’re here right now, that kind of thing, man.

00:14:27:05 – 00:14:28:29
Brad Singletary
I got goosebumps thinking about this.

00:14:29:15 – 00:14:43:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that was pretty powerful. Another thing I did as soon as I made just a little bit of money is I put $1,000 cash in my pocket. In that thousand dollars cash has been there now since 19, I guess 1997. So please don’t mug me.

00:14:44:05 – 00:14:51:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
If I’m black for every black Corvette, that guy’s got money in his pocket. But the concept again, I was a.

00:14:51:25 – 00:15:02:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Little kid and this guy walked into our house on 560 Saint Louis and downtown Las Vegas. His name was John Vann. Who he was a friend of my father’s. And he pulled out.

00:15:02:13 – 00:15:07:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
This wad of cash was a little kid in a in a lower than middle class income.

00:15:07:19 – 00:15:33:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m looking at that thinking I don’t know what he does, but I’m in, you know. Right. I said John, why do you carry that that money? He said, so I can say no to people if I need to. Now, that stuck with me, too. So as a young lawyer, if somebody walked into my office and to this day, even if they’ve got money if something doesn’t feel right, I know I’ve got enough in my pocket to feed my family for a little while.

00:15:33:28 – 00:15:35:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow. And so that.

00:15:35:00 – 00:15:36:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Concept, you mean.

00:15:36:22 – 00:15:42:07
Brad Singletary
Carrying $1,000 cash in your pocket, all this your whole your whole life since you were a young, younger man.

00:15:42:07 – 00:15:43:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Since 1987.

00:15:43:13 – 00:15:45:05
Brad Singletary
Oh my. You have it right now. You have.

00:15:45:05 – 00:15:49:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right now. Oh, that’s the coolest. Thing I’ve ever heard. I mean.

00:15:49:20 – 00:16:08:21
Brad Singletary
I can think there’s a lot of reasons for that. Like, I don’t know in the world of like, you know, alcohol, I’m in recovery from alcohol. And I would hear people say things like, you know, they want to just keep one beer in their refrigerator just to prove that they don’t need it. It’s there, but they don’t they don’t need it.

00:16:08:21 – 00:16:17:13
Brad Singletary
They’re kind of flooding themselves with some exposure. And so you got money and you could spend it, you could blow it, but you’re you’re just hanging on to it. That’s kind of cool.

00:16:17:13 – 00:16:32:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why I can spend it. And if I spend it as soon as like the users, they have just a little bit more. But when I get, you know, so there’s a little fluff there. So if I can somebody needs something, I can buy it right? Or get out of a tight situation or however you want to say it, all of that.

00:16:32:04 – 00:16:35:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
But at the end of the day, there better be a thousand.

00:16:35:21 – 00:16:36:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I can say no.

00:16:37:05 – 00:16:42:03
Brad Singletary
I need I’m going to I’m going to steal that trick. No, I got to tell my wife, when I get on the air, open up the safe for me.

00:16:42:03 – 00:16:54:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
We got to get 1000. Just keep it on Venmo. I don’t know how to use Venmo, but my wife sure does. So she knows how to talk to that Amazon guide to ensure comes around a lot. It’s guy I.

00:16:54:18 – 00:16:58:18
Brad Singletary
Thought my wife for a while was having had something going with the UPS driver, you know, like.

00:16:59:07 – 00:17:00:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
All right, I hear you.

00:17:00:29 – 00:17:18:15
Brad Singletary
We didn’t welcome Jimmy Durban. I just want to he’s been on the show before. You guys know him and but he is also another stellar guy. He just wanted to be here tonight. Drove up in a pretty special looking Harley Davidson that was pretty sick man. That was impressive. What do you what are you driving out there?

00:17:19:11 – 00:17:28:10
Jimmy Durbin
It’s a Harley Roadster. Oh, 2019. And it’s full disclosure. And being transparent, it actually belongs to my middle son.

00:17:28:24 – 00:17:31:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I can’t take credit for that.

00:17:31:17 – 00:17:35:19
Jimmy Durbin
Mine’s in 94 heritage soft tail OK or of a cruiser bike.

00:17:35:19 – 00:17:37:17
Brad Singletary
You told me how to get somewhere quick and so you.

00:17:37:22 – 00:17:39:15
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah I had to get here fast keep it.

00:17:39:15 – 00:17:40:06
Brad Singletary
Warm for you.

00:17:40:25 – 00:18:08:16
Jimmy Durbin
I think also just to kind of give the audience a feeling when I when I came in and met Butch you could feel the love I could feel the love speak for myself kind face um sharply dressed and then when you read the intro birthday’s February 2nd mine’s a third oh. Very well meant to you and Elvis as well.

00:18:08:16 – 00:18:37:28
Jimmy Durbin
Right. And so I, I’ve appreciated what you said because I think that’s how men can help men is these little nuggets, these things that there’s this wisdom that you gained along your own path and the things that stuck. And so I really appreciated you sharing those two things because that’s that’s what I want to learn from you. Right?

00:18:37:28 – 00:19:13:01
Jimmy Durbin
Is how have you continued to keep your heart upfront? Right. Oftentimes you talk about having a a soft front and a hard back. No concept from Bernie Brown of being vulnerable as a man, being tender, authentic, transparent, and also having a hard back and being a protector and a leader and a fighter and a mentor for these young men that you talked about, for these young lawyers that you talked about, for your family and your your son in law’s.

00:19:13:01 – 00:19:24:19
Jimmy Durbin
And so what else would you say to your younger self as you gain this wisdom now sitting as a 56 year old man in this chair.

00:19:25:04 – 00:19:51:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I went through something in 1995 that I haven’t shared with a lot of people, but I was just out of law school starting salary was $36,000 a year, wasn’t necessarily horrible in 1995, but I had $65,000 with a student debt. Wow. And I had three children and my marriage fell apart and so I ended up living with my parents.

00:19:53:01 – 00:20:20:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
My wife’s trying to decide you know, is he going to come home? I’m trying to decide what I’m doing, where I’m going. And I remember just laying up at my parents one night staring at the ceiling thinking to myself, I don’t know where I’m going. I just am so discouraged, so down. And this old guy knocks on my door and he happened to be my LDS bishop.

00:20:22:19 – 00:20:38:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said, May I speak with you for a few minutes? I said, Yeah. I mean, I couldn’t say no. He’s a nice guy. Even though I had anger in my soul, I just couldn’t say no to him. And he came in and talked to him and he said, But what are your plans? I said, I don’t know.

00:20:38:27 – 00:21:04:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I guess I guess I’ll get divorced and figure out what to do from here. He said, I guess that’s a plan. He said, How about the plan of going home and learning to love your wife and have her learn to love you? And I said, I don’t know how that’s possible, but he left that evening and it again, it just stuck in my mind.

00:21:04:24 – 00:21:43:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I, I went home and this, this little bishop, about six foot six tall, he would walk over to my house every night after and he had 11 children on a school teacher salary. So big time hero right away he would walk to my house every night and he would just walk the neighborhood with me every night. And he would talk to me from everything about physical intimacy with my wife and how I could improve that to emotional intimacy, to dating, to communication.

00:21:43:17 – 00:22:00:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
The things that I guess I just never learned at home. And I guess why would I have learned them? I mean, my parents had a great relationship, but we didn’t talk about these things. And, you know, my wife and I we always just we always talk about the first five years of our marriage being. We don’t talk about that.

00:22:01:16 – 00:22:20:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
And then we talk about from 1995 on and it’s just been the most magnificent marriage. I mean it’s really, it has been but again what I garnered from that was this concept of one on one time.

00:22:21:28 – 00:22:23:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, you know.

00:22:23:18 – 00:22:36:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
He gave me his precious resource of time and so I try to do the same. I, you know, I’m not great at it, but if I see a need, I recognize just a simple text message, probably not enough.

00:22:37:21 – 00:22:54:17
Brad Singletary
You know, he was kind of in this automatic role of mentorship or stewardship with you. But in. So did he push for that contact, you know, or were you, you know, asking him to, hey, come take a walk or you said he just would show up? Yeah. I mean, that’s cool. So I think every man needs a mentor.

00:22:54:17 – 00:23:31:11
Brad Singletary
Every man needs a bigger tribe of, you know, six, eight, whatever number of people. But to have one person at a critical time in your life care for you. He’s busy. He’s got 11 kids at home and he’s leading the congregation and he’s got you that he’s kind of singled out as someone that’s worthy of his time evening, you know, this special time to come and walk and talk with you that is that’s one of the coolest images that have ever been, you know, painted on this show to me is you walking with a man who’s talking about all of the deep things, all of the things that maybe you wouldn’t want to talk about

00:23:31:11 – 00:23:43:08
Brad Singletary
with anyone else. You made it comfortable somehow. You made it comfortable to do that. What what was it about him that made you feel like you could comfortably talk about those personal subjects?

00:23:43:15 – 00:24:11:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I think just his warmth. I mean, I just felt like I was walking with God in some respects. Right. I knew that he was a confidant. I knew he had wisdom. I mean, even as a I was 28 years old, so still pretty young. Right. But I could just see, you know, just his love for me and I then fast forward what, 20 years?

00:24:11:08 – 00:24:38:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he called me to be a bishop in the LDS Church, last thing I ever expected. But the concepts that he taught me I was able to put into play as people would come to me with marital issues and other issues. And I thought, man, God, I mean I that was a really painful process. In 1995 I got to know God better, I got to know my wife better, I got to know this bishop better.

00:24:39:10 – 00:25:03:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
But then as I fast forward, I think to myself and God, God could see these things play out. You know, he could see in the future that if I listen to this guy, good things would probably happen in my life, you know, if I didn’t, if I went out on my own and did my own thing, then I might pay a different price and have a harder time having a relationship with God, at least for a season.

00:25:03:27 – 00:25:06:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So it was a painful process, but it was wonderful.

00:25:08:06 – 00:25:45:20
Jimmy Durbin
Brad just put out an episode about reframing and in his thoughts just from a very raw, beautiful authentic place of the Alpha Quorum and what that is and what type of man in his heart that is and how it should project in the world so I appreciate you relating that story because I oftentimes think, as you just indicated, we really don’t talk about before 1995, 1996, right.

00:25:45:20 – 00:26:26:04
Jimmy Durbin
We, we get this idea that well we’ve had this pain and it’s healed and so it’s behind us. But in the end as a result of that we kind of create a silo and those individual silos that happen to us as men, then we don’t allow the healing process and the learning process and the grace that happens. And so would you mind just sharing like what the struggle was like, what, how did you get to that mental place, emotional place, spiritual place like because I’m sure I can relate to it.

00:26:26:04 – 00:26:44:17
Jimmy Durbin
I, I’ve been to that place. There might be someone listening who’s there and I kind of believe that we’re all we’ve either gone through, we’re going through, or we will yet go through that place that you were back in. So do you mind sharing that?

00:26:44:21 – 00:27:13:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
No, not at all. One of the things that he asked me to do was go to the church and listen to a talk from a guy named Jeffrey Ah, Holland that was coming to town. Well, I had so much anger and frustration in my life at that time. I think just being poor for so long, going through law school, I mean, when my wife and I were in law school, I had $1,000 a month scholarship or rent was 550 a month.

00:27:14:20 – 00:27:27:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
We paid our tithing. So now we’re down to 900 a month and we never went on welfare. Well, you know, you live that way for a number of years of just, you know, impoverished, if you.

00:27:27:26 – 00:27:28:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Were making.

00:27:28:15 – 00:27:28:20
Brad Singletary
It.

00:27:28:20 – 00:27:49:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Barely by me, you know, and we always made it you know, by the grace of God, we always made it. But, you know, there’s frustrations and I’m spending, you know, 12 and 14 hours a day studying and there’s little kids at the house and all those things are, you know, they’re just going to lead to a tough situation if one doesn’t get it squared up.

00:27:49:20 – 00:28:03:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I didn’t, I didn’t have it squared up. I felt my job was to work and get through law school and make money as fast as I could. So I took that same attitude into the profession that first, and then I got humbled.

00:28:05:05 – 00:28:06:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. But anyways.

00:28:06:14 – 00:28:24:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Jeffrey Holland was coming to town and this old guy, Roy Ford, says just come with me, just come with me. I said, I don’t want to go. But again, I didn’t want to say no to him right there. I just loved him. You love somebody. You don’t want to say no. So I remember I remember sitting in the back of the building that night.

00:28:24:01 – 00:28:46:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And Jeff, our Jeffrey, our Holland stands up at the pulpit. And this is what he says. I’ll never forget it. He says, If any of you are feeling dark tonight like there’s no light and that you might never feel light again, I just want you to do one thing for me tonight. Well, soon as he started down that path, you could imagine my right eye open to what?

00:28:46:17 – 00:29:17:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
All my left eye open to and then his counsel was so simple, but I’ve used it many times in life. He said, Just hold on, just hold on. The light will return. And it did then, and it has numerous times since. So that’s my encouragement to people. When you’re in a dark spot, try to just hold on. You’ll notice that God will put certain people in your life at that time.

00:29:18:07 – 00:29:25:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Even if they’re uncomfortable to you a little bit. They might be those those angels that.

00:29:25:27 – 00:29:27:10
Jimmy Durbin
Especially if they’re uncomfortable.

00:29:27:10 – 00:29:34:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
To express you. Yes, especially if they are. So, you know. Yeah.

00:29:35:25 – 00:29:56:22
Brad Singletary
You said something earlier about what the guy said to you when you were in. He said, you know, what is your plan? He said, What about the plan to go and learn to love your wife? And that’s an interesting thought about learning to love, because I guess maybe when we’re younger, we just think, you know, you either love someone or you don’t.

00:29:56:22 – 00:30:17:28
Brad Singletary
And but this is like you have to learn how to love. What did that mean to you back then and what were the kinds of things you needed to learn? Like you you obviously were interested in her. You married her. You have a family. You know, you’re she’s a beautiful to this day, a beautiful woman. I mean, but you had to learn how to love what does that mean?

00:30:19:22 – 00:30:48:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s a great question. And maybe a little more background would be helpful. So I met my wife when when I was at BYU, we fell in love immediately was just instant infatuation. And so we got engaged two weeks later and married three months later. Now, it’s public knowledge now, but it but it wasn’t for years. But my wife had had a child when she was in her senior year of high school.

00:30:49:04 – 00:31:12:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
And this was a by the way, she told me about it immediately when we got we’re starting to get serious and of course, as a young guy, I’m like, oh, no problem. Well, she had given the child up for adoption. And back then, adoptions were were very private. Right. So I guess I always felt this little bit of maybe jealousy.

00:31:12:13 – 00:31:40:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Maybe maybe she didn’t love me as much as she loved her boyfriend. Who she had the child with. So, you know, just inadequacies on my part. Right. And being vulnerable is the right word. But I should add that for many, many years, until we were able to by the grace of God, three years ago, we were able to make contact with this.

00:31:40:17 – 00:31:40:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:31:41:09 – 00:31:41:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And.

00:31:42:01 – 00:32:13:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, he’s just wonderful. It’s everything we ever dreamed of. That’s maybe a story for another day. But anyways, so I just always felt like, you know, kind of second fiddle just, you know, and I realized one thing this bishop did is he said, you know, the first thing we’re going to do is we’re going to fly that guy down from Oregon because he and Paula, your wife, they never had really a chance to to separate.

00:32:14:03 – 00:32:33:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
And then, by the way, there was nothing going on with Paula and her ex boyfriend for for all those years were married, nothing like that at all. But my bishop could tell that there was something holding me and Paula from progressing and one of the it was just a really out of the box thinking, right? Yeah.

00:32:33:03 – 00:32:33:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
We’re going to we’re going to.

00:32:33:28 – 00:32:42:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Fly down her ex-boyfriend so they can walk up and down the strip and say goodbye to each other because they never got a chance to years ago because Paula’s parents.

00:32:42:01 – 00:32:46:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Broke them up. Wow. What a risky move. Yeah. I’m like the heck you are.

00:32:49:11 – 00:32:51:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he did it. He did it, OK.

00:32:51:20 – 00:33:21:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
And it was wonderful because for some reason, it released my heart and and I was able to say, yeah, she she does love me and everything’s OK. And this guy had gone on and married and has a wonderful family and like I said, just a few years ago, by the grace of God in that app, 24 in me, we were able to finally, after all these years, find this this child and man just awesome.

00:33:21:00 – 00:33:21:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:33:21:12 – 00:33:22:15
Brad Singletary
That’s super awesome.

00:33:23:26 – 00:33:50:12
Jimmy Durbin
So when Brad asked that question, the way I heard it, the way I heard him ask, that is I choose who I love. And I heard that in your story. And then I love my choice. Right. And so how else in your years of marriage with your sweetheart and under what circumstances and situations have you had to learn to continue to love your choice?

00:33:50:21 – 00:33:52:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, it’s great.

00:33:54:01 – 00:34:10:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
One thing my mom said to my wife and I often in our first number of years of marriage is you’re not dating. You got to keep dating. You got to get out of town a couple of days. I’ll watch the kids. But again, in my stubborn self, you know, I just need to work. I need.

00:34:10:20 – 00:34:11:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
To. Right.

00:34:12:23 – 00:34:38:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, you know, after 1995, I took that counsel and so we began to date every Friday night. We don’t miss now I was on a campout or something. We’d go out Saturday night. We then began to take a trip once a year, twice a year for a week away from the kids. But the most important thing, getting back to that old bishop, he said every day do an act of kindness for her every day.

00:34:39:06 – 00:34:46:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said the same thing to her every day, every day, every day. He said every day. So you know how many candy.

00:34:46:07 – 00:34:50:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Bars I’ve woken up over the years? She still thinks my greatest joy in life.

00:34:50:26 – 00:34:54:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Is a is a Hershey’s it’s not Hershey’s a CS.

00:34:54:07 – 00:34:55:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Sucker. It is a.

00:34:55:24 – 00:34:57:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Second greatest joy life.

00:34:57:03 – 00:35:03:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
But so I found a lot of those. In the meantime, I’m I watched a lot of dishes.

00:35:03:04 – 00:35:12:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And, you know, just, hey, I’m going to the kitchen. I’m just you want water? Do you want anything? You know, common sense things, right? We love those. We serve. We we know the contents.

00:35:12:12 – 00:35:13:00
Jimmy Durbin
Of little things.

00:35:13:00 – 00:35:18:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, but but if we’re not serving someone, we it’s really difficult to love them.

00:35:19:01 – 00:35:42:17
Brad Singletary
I notice you’ve done that so much. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t know if it’s a good place to transition, but you’ve done a lot of service throughout your life. So you talked about the charity thing in the beginning. You know, sharing that with young attorneys. You know, if you’re if you’re not paying anything to charity, you may not be ready to start your own practice that represents an attitude of giving and sacrifice.

00:35:42:28 – 00:36:01:29
Brad Singletary
Talk about some of the other things you’ve done. You mentioned camping trip. Was that like scouting type stuff? You’ve done some you’ve done some volunteer teaching. You’ve done the most recently. I think I’ve seen you do a stuff at a like a homeless shelter maybe, or talk about some service opportunities that you’ve taken advantage of.

00:36:02:10 – 00:36:22:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I’m pretty involved with the Las Vegas rescue mission. You know, I didn’t know anything about the Las Vegas rescue mission. And here I was serving as a bishop in the LDS Church, and somebody called me one day and said, Hey, we’ve got this 18 year old boy here from Colorado. Can you meet with him? Yeah, try to help.

00:36:22:22 – 00:36:43:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I meet with him and I realize I don’t know what to do. With this boy. You, the way nice kid moved in from Colorado was was not LDS. He just showed up to Vegas wanted to start a new life. So I called my wife. That’s always a good place to start, honey. I got this kid in my office.

00:36:43:04 – 00:36:51:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know what to do with him. I mean, what am I going to do? Give him a food order or something? I can’t move them into our house because we’ve got daughters at home still. And she said.

00:36:51:24 – 00:36:52:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
We’ll call.

00:36:53:00 – 00:37:15:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Heather Gibbons. I said, Oh, I know Heather Gibbons. So I called Heather. And Heather just is well connected in Las Vegas as far as just knowing where the charities are, knowing what resources are available. I said, Heather, can you come see me? She shot right over to my office. She said, OK, but here’s what you do. You take this boy to the Las Vegas rescue mission.

00:37:15:27 – 00:37:39:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
They will put him up for a couple of weeks, no questions asked. They’ll feed him. And during the day, he’s got to leave the premises, go out, try to get a job. Come back at night. I said, Well, I don’t know much about this place, but I like this a lot. So I started to learn about it. And, you know, every night at 5:00 as you may know, they they open their doors and they’ll give anybody a meal, no question asked.

00:37:40:23 – 00:38:15:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love that. But I tell you what I love more is that they want to help people with addiction. And somehow, some way, they hope that out of the four and 500 people that they feed one meal a day or two, that a few may come forward and say, I don’t want to fight the addiction anymore. And the first thing they ask for unless something is changed, which I don’t think it has, is they’ll take you in for long term addiction, recovery but you got to give them your phone number.

00:38:16:10 – 00:38:38:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
You got to get rid of your sources. And if you’re not ready to give up the phone, you’re not ready to get help yet. I just fell in love with the organization, so I began to contribute more resources and time to do that organization. There’s many more out there. You know, it’s finding a charitable organization that you connect with shouldn’t be too.

00:38:38:01 – 00:38:39:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Difficult for most of us.

00:38:39:12 – 00:38:48:29
Brad Singletary
So why do you do it? I mean, why you’re busy. You’ve got a law practice, you’ve got five children and grandchildren. You got, I’m guessing, what, season tickets to the Golden Knights?

00:38:48:29 – 00:38:57:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I do I mean, there’s a lot of stuff going on that’s part of that. A motorcycle Corvette. You got to got wife. You got everything.

00:38:57:13 – 00:39:03:05
Brad Singletary
Like, what makes you want to go to the Las Vegas rescue or whatever places to serve? What makes you do that?

00:39:04:07 – 00:39:29:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I guess I’ve never thought about it that much. It’s just maybe it’s innate, maybe it’s natural. Or maybe it’s because, I mean, how many people have just stepped out over the years and either lended me a hand or I remember one time we were driving back from Sacramento excuse me, from Las Vegas to Sacramento. The year was 1993.

00:39:30:17 – 00:39:55:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
So picture this. I got my wife, I’ve got two kids in the back in this rag down old Hyundai, and we’re heading up to 95 to go through Reno on Memorial Day to get back to Sacramento, to go to law school. And I break down in the sweltering heat this was before cell phones. I look at Paula and I said, what do we do now?

00:39:56:04 – 00:40:24:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Pray. Well, we’ll pray. So we prayed right then this guy pulls up behind me and he’s an older fella. So I got out of the car and I met him and he said it looks like you got a problem. I said, I do, I, I blew the timing belt. He said, and I said, why did you stop? He said, I was in my home up in Yerington, Nevada, up the road a number of miles.

00:40:24:24 – 00:40:31:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I looked to my wife and I said, hey, we need to go. We need to go right now. She’s like, Where are we going? He says, I don’t know, but we’re going somewhere.

00:40:33:27 – 00:40:50:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And anyways, to make a long story short, we piled my wife, myself, and those two kids into their car. You know, they could have just taken this to Reno and dumped us at a hotel for the evening, but they didn’t do that. They took us all the way to Sacramento that night.

00:40:50:26 – 00:40:51:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:40:52:07 – 00:41:11:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so you know, when you have people over the years that reach out to you and just help a little bit, it’s just not hard to give back, right? I feel like I hold my. All right. I owe my whole life try in some way to give back for all the blessings I have. I mean, I just I’ve just been blessed.

00:41:11:22 – 00:41:11:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean.

00:41:12:07 – 00:41:45:21
Brad Singletary
That’s why you’re here when I say, you know what? What makes you do it? You said I didn’t even think of it. I mean, you’re sacrificing. I know that you’re donating. You know, money, time, resources, every, you know, volunteering over there. And I’ve also seen you re try to recruit people. So we’re friends on Facebook. And I’ve seen this, so, hey, they need, you know, we need an extra server or two tonight, you know, like you’re arranging these things and you’re not only going there for yourself, but you’re bringing some folks along with you, like that kind of leadership toward something so selfless.

00:41:45:21 – 00:41:50:05
Brad Singletary
I mean, that’s just, you know, coolest kind of man. Yeah.

00:41:50:20 – 00:42:12:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, I like I really like somebody’ll tell me, hey, listen, I’m having problems with my teenage kid. He’s just he or she’s just they’re becoming abstinent or they’re just they’re becoming secluded and they don’t want to help anybody. And they’re back talking. I said, all right, I’ll pick you up at 345. You and the kid so I’ll bring him in the kid to the shelter.

00:42:13:12 – 00:42:29:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And after a night at the shelter, that kid those eyes are opened up a little bit about about real life. So I think that’s a nice way kind of to give back to you, I guess. Not that I’m, you know, I’m just trying to help a kid. Yeah. Who? Right.

00:42:30:08 – 00:42:39:04
Brad Singletary
Some perspective. He gets to serve. He gets to contribute, but he also takes away something from that, too. Absolutely. And I’m sure you do, too. I’m sure there’s some.

00:42:39:10 – 00:42:40:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Every time.

00:42:40:07 – 00:42:52:10
Brad Singletary
No gratitude and just some. And I can just picture you’re you’re sitting there, you know, with a prayer in your heart for these people. And, you know, you’re you’re trying to extend love and positive energy while you’re there.

00:42:52:20 – 00:43:13:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Can you imagine just one person out of the 500 saying, tonight, I’m going to start over and all of a sudden they go through their the program over there and then they go get educated or get into a profession. And ten years down the road, they’re taking people to the rescue mission to get help. Right. That’s the that’s the payback, right?

00:43:13:14 – 00:43:14:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Pay it forward.

00:43:14:09 – 00:43:15:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You pay for it.

00:43:15:11 – 00:43:15:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes.

00:43:16:02 – 00:43:36:28
Brad Singletary
So how did you learn to be a man? You’ve got all these great qualities. I just I really think that there are some men out there and you you guys seem you who are listening. You know what I’m talking about? You just see people in every aspect of their life just seems seriously good. No one’s perfect, but you can just tell that they are bringing a lot to the table.

00:43:36:28 – 00:43:39:28
Brad Singletary
And I think you do that. But who taught you how to be a man?

00:43:40:28 – 00:43:44:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I don’t know. I think I’m still learning. That’s why they always had me work.

00:43:44:17 – 00:43:46:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
With the youth, because I’m still a kid.

00:43:46:01 – 00:43:48:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
My wife tells me I’m a kid. I don’t really understand it.

00:43:48:22 – 00:43:49:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
She said she raised.

00:43:50:01 – 00:43:51:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Seven kids, but I’m only.

00:43:51:11 – 00:43:52:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Counting six.

00:43:53:04 – 00:44:02:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I don’t know. You know, I really do still feel like I’m learning. I do. I mean, I was listening to a grade. I like Joel Osteen. Oh, yeah. People don’t, you know.

00:44:02:26 – 00:44:05:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I like him a lot. I like him, man. You know.

00:44:05:10 – 00:44:33:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
He’s positive and just I was just listening to one of his talks the other day about learning like I never get too old that learn. So he went on for 35 minutes about things we can do to learn you know, he said that every year most people spend 300 hours in an automobile. He said, do you realize in 300 hours how much you can learn if you listen to it, talk or listen to something to.

00:44:33:07 – 00:44:34:21
Brad Singletary
Make your video book or something.

00:44:34:21 – 00:44:35:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
To teach us if you’re.

00:44:35:24 – 00:44:53:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Into sales, how to become a better salesperson and if you’re a lawyer, how to be a writer, you can go on and on, you know, if you’re working in the church as a pastor or whatever. But the concept was, don’t ever quit learning. And so I think I’m still working on this being a man thing. I still like a little bit of risk.

00:44:53:15 – 00:45:15:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
I still like a joke a lot. Sometimes it go over well, sometimes I don’t. But I think it started out with my dad. You know, my dad, he was he’s a big time hero to me. He was raised here in Las Vegas in I guess he was born in 1937 and so other four or 5000 people in Las Vegas then.

00:45:16:08 – 00:45:35:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he comes from a pretty troubled background. He was in and out of facilities and he fell in love with my mom when he’s about 14 or 15 years old. But my mom came from a good background and my grandpa had enough of my dad. So my grandpa had the sheriff take my dad on the edge of Las Vegas and say don’t come back.

00:45:36:10 – 00:45:37:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
So my dad.

00:45:38:02 – 00:46:00:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
So my dad ends up working in orange farms in Visalia, California, and then he went to San Francisco. In the meantime, my mom had been married, had a child, and my dad got word that she was going through a divorce. So he hauled back to Vegas and he saw her at one of these like little happy days diners in the fifties.

00:46:00:06 – 00:46:23:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. And he her nickname was Shorty. He said, Shorty, you know, we’ve been apart a long time. Don’t you think we should just get married now? And she said, yes. And he became a man. He became a man. And I never saw my parents fight. They never made much money, but they always worked together. They did everything together.

00:46:23:21 – 00:46:41:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
They were just buddies. And, you know, some of his techniques were kind of fun. Like he told us one time, us boys, I don’t think I’m going to ask you again to make your beds he never got angry. Well, we didn’t make our bed. The next day, our beds were on top. The roof.

00:46:42:18 – 00:46:42:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
There was all.

00:46:42:29 – 00:46:46:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kinds of things on top there. If I’m 56 St.Louis bicycle.

00:46:46:09 – 00:46:54:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Parts shoes, it didn’t get put away. A bed sits on the roof, but he never got angry.

00:46:55:14 – 00:47:07:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
He anger was not in his makeup, so he would discipline, but never with anger. Oh, my gosh. That sounds like Christ to me. I’m a teacher better way, but I’m not going to get angry. Angry about it.

00:47:08:27 – 00:47:12:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love that. Yeah, I’m going to try that. Yeah. No.

00:47:13:22 – 00:47:16:27
Brad Singletary
I’ll have the h.o.h. Getting after me. Like, what is all that stuff.

00:47:16:27 – 00:47:24:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
On your roof? Well, they got tile roofs now, and so i’m not sure how that would go. We had our rocks on our roof. What makes.

00:47:24:15 – 00:47:25:28
Jimmy Durbin
You think it won’t be your stuff on the.

00:47:26:04 – 00:47:26:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shelf?

00:47:28:24 – 00:47:32:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’d be careful with that one. Right. There might be.

00:47:32:24 – 00:47:51:08
Brad Singletary
So your dad was a great example of that. You said he became a man. That’s a process. That’s a like, you know, that’s it’s not just we don’t age into it. Something has to happen to us. I think. I mean, so what what did you what else did you see from him or other men in your life that demonstrated how you become a man?

00:47:52:01 – 00:47:52:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I think a.

00:47:52:19 – 00:48:13:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Lot of hard work and that was one thing is that he he had a tremendous work ethic and and, you know, that concept of like, attract like. Right. It’s just it’s a beautiful, eternal concept. Usually you’re going to attract people that are like you in some ways. Otherwise you just you just bounce off each other, right? And so I got to watch his friends too.

00:48:13:08 – 00:48:41:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
And all of them were just young, trying different businesses, you know, staying out of trouble. My mom and dad both knew they were alcoholics and one day my dad missed work. So he was very functional. But one day he missed work and he never drank again. That was it. And I thought to myself, here’s a guy that comes from nothing that has every excuse in the world because he was abused as a kid.

00:48:41:25 – 00:49:07:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
All these things to not be a man. And he decided he’s going to be a man. He’s going to be a good husband and a good father, and he’s going to work hard and be loyal. And he was all of those things he never had to say. And I watched it right. You know, when we’d go work at the track as a nine year old and an eight year old kid on a Saturday morning, pulling out of bed at four in the morning to get in the back of the truck, to ride.

00:49:07:28 – 00:49:08:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
To to go.

00:49:08:23 – 00:49:17:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Under the Charleston underpass and on to the I-15, out to Craig Road in the back of the truck. When it’s cold in the winter and hot in the summer. He didn’t have to say anything. It’s just we’re.

00:49:17:29 – 00:49:20:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Going to work. Let’s go. Right.

00:49:21:05 – 00:49:45:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I’m just blessed. Blessed to have people like that in my life all the way through. My first my first boss coming out of law school, a guy named Norm Kurtzman. Wonderful. Wonderful man, fought in World War Two. He was a boxer he was so ethical. And I remember asking him one day, hey, how many billable hours do you want from me?

00:49:46:03 – 00:49:46:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right.

00:49:46:12 – 00:49:49:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Lawyers, billable hours. Well, he was a little bit.

00:49:49:06 – 00:49:54:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cross-Eyed and he was cantankerous. And so he’s kind of looking at me, but he’s looking over there.

00:49:54:24 – 00:50:00:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, we’ve had these conversations before right I was scared of him. He says.

00:50:00:26 – 00:50:20:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Don’t you ever talk to me about billable hours. One day in my life. You give me your hours every week. And then I’m going to give the client the fair hours. Clients are not paying for your education. So you go on and you work and you learn to do the product right incorrectly. Don’t you worry about billable hours.

00:50:21:04 – 00:50:33:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, sir. Well, again, that concept concept sunk in and so when I hired my son in law and we had the same conversation about how many billable hours a week, because that’s what.

00:50:33:21 – 00:50:35:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
The law firms are telling the.

00:50:35:21 – 00:50:37:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, yeah, I said, don’t.

00:50:37:04 – 00:50:49:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
You ever talk to me about those billable hours. You give your hours to me. And then I would look at the hours. Why did it take so many hours to do that project? I’m dying over here. But after a.

00:50:49:16 – 00:50:57:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Few years, they get efficient and then they can keep their billable hours and it doesn’t matter. Right. But what a pure concept. Yes. That’s also ethical, right? Yeah.

00:50:58:07 – 00:51:19:11
Jimmy Durbin
So it’s nice to see that that those things weren’t lost on you, that you have paid it forward. That it allows you to be the man that you are and have the heart that you have and and be transparent and share this vulnerable story about the struggle you had in 95 with your wife and that all those things added up.

00:51:20:25 – 00:51:23:25
Jimmy Durbin
So thank you for that. Appreciate it.

00:51:24:13 – 00:51:45:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, no, it’s wonderful. But like I say, you asked the question, well, you know, becoming a man and and I answered it. I was kind of serious that I’m still becoming a man. So I got COVID in December of 20, 20. And it wasn’t the nice version about day 12. I said, I don’t know if I’m going to make it through this or not.

00:51:46:06 – 00:51:51:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
I never went to the hospital, but my oxygen kept getting closer to that 90. Right. That 90.

00:51:51:13 – 00:51:51:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
Mark.

00:51:52:20 – 00:52:10:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I was so miserable. Anyways, I did overcome it. And by the grace of God, I guess I got to stay on earth for a while. Longer, but a couple months after that, I began to have what you professionals refer to, and I didn’t know what they were then. Ruminating thoughts.

00:52:11:10 – 00:52:12:01
Brad Singletary
Rumination.

00:52:12:01 – 00:52:33:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
You’re you’re going to lose everything you everything you’ve worked for, you’re going to lose. You’re going to lose it. And they would not all of a sudden I was up all night sweating, heart palpitations. My wife has suffered from some anxiety and depression in her life. And one day I woke up again. This was only a year ago now and everything was dark.

00:52:34:16 – 00:52:49:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
For the first time in my life, I I’ve always been an optimist other than the 1995 heartache I’ve just been this optimist. You know, everything is going to be OK for everybody else, including myself. And then it hit me. Depression and anxiety.

00:52:50:05 – 00:52:50:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:52:50:27 – 00:53:14:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so we got me into counseling and because she said, OK, that’s it, we’re done messing with it again. Power over. Good woman. We’re done with this. You’re going to be OK. But you have to you got to listen to me. I’ll listen to you, honey, because right now I feel so low. And she said, OK, so she got me into counseling, and that was helping and but it wasn’t enough.

00:53:15:17 – 00:53:38:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so finally she got me into a psychiatrist and they put me on Lexapro, and it took about two weeks. And all of a sudden, things started to clear up. And I was like, OK, my gosh, I feel OK. Again, this is I mean, I was just so grateful. So I been open about it. I have not.

00:53:38:29 – 00:53:39:28
Brad Singletary
That is great.

00:53:40:04 – 00:53:47:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And just telling people this, you can turn this around. Sometimes we can’t, right? Sometimes.

00:53:47:19 – 00:53:59:01
Brad Singletary
Well, but so that’s good to know because I didn’t know that. But I think I might have known that you had COVID, but you were you were just been the epitome of energy. You’ve been one of those guys. I mean, you’re a runner right? You’re still running.

00:53:59:01 – 00:53:59:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
I am still running.

00:53:59:28 – 00:54:05:08
Brad Singletary
You’re a runner. I mean, you’ve done like marathons and. Right. You’ve done all that. You’re like a real runner.

00:54:06:05 – 00:54:12:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m serious. Like, I’m like me and if I run, I’ve got to go to the bathroom, you know, if somebody is chasing me. Yes. Yes.

00:54:13:26 – 00:54:18:12
Brad Singletary
So you so health and energy and that kind of thing. But to talk about.

00:54:18:18 – 00:54:18:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Total.

00:54:18:28 – 00:54:27:28
Brad Singletary
Crashing after this COVID thing, having some thoughts that maybe seem to be out of control, get help. Listen to your wife, start counseling and medication and. Yeah.

00:54:29:02 – 00:54:31:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why you’re here. Well, she told me, she.

00:54:31:05 – 00:54:42:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
Said, but you never do medication without counseling, ever. Well, how would I have known something like that? Other than that, she’d been down the path. I’m like, OK, I’m listening to you. I’m all ears.

00:54:42:23 – 00:54:58:20
Brad Singletary
Was there any was there any hesitation or I mean, were you it was just that bad that you would do anything bad? What about a year ago? What about in the past? Would you have been the type to I mean, I think it’s clearly that you’re pretty humble, but you also have you got a smart aleck in there.

00:54:58:20 – 00:55:13:28
Brad Singletary
You know, you’ve got you got some you got you have a rowdy sense about you, too, you know? So, like, did that ever have would you always have been OK with that or is there some old school part of you is like, I don’t need that you had to fight through.

00:55:14:14 – 00:55:47:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, not at all. And I don’t say that with any false sense of humility, but it was so miserable. I always thought I understood kind of what depression was or anxiety was because I’ve read about it, lived with it, saw other family members with it, but I didn’t understand it until it hit and I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody except for the lessons learned blessings come from it.

00:55:47:28 – 00:56:14:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
And one of the blessings is through counseling. I learned, you know, how to meditate more, how to get myself more in the present. I mean, I just remember going to dinner and looking at my cell phone 25 times thinking there’s an important email that’s going to come or an important text message. And now I go to dinner and I put my phone to the side and I look at my wife’s hair or I say, I can stay totally in this conversation now without thinking of anything else.

00:56:14:06 – 00:56:37:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
But being sitting right here with two wonderful men in the city of Henderson, Nevada, with lights on and air conditioning blowing, counting my blessings and I could never do that before, even though I always felt like I was kind of a humble guy. I could never stay completely present and so I remember talking to the counselor a while back.

00:56:37:24 – 00:56:49:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
He said, What do you worry about? I said, I don’t ever want to feel like I felt a year ago any good counselor just like yourself, Brad. He said, But would you be open to it?

00:56:51:02 – 00:57:07:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, I guess I would be, because right now I’m going to live in the moment. I’m going to live right now. I’m going to consider the lease of the field. I’m not going to take a purse or scrape with me anymore. Yes, I’ll save for the future. Yes, I’ll still plan for the, you know, the things that I can control.

00:57:09:17 – 00:57:10:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I’m going to live today.

00:57:11:26 – 00:57:23:22
Brad Singletary
That’s another one of those things that I’ve just been so impressed with, as I’ve kind of just watched you from a distance here the last few years. I mean, you see things like, you know, you’re dancing that at the hockey games.

00:57:24:15 – 00:57:25:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Like a fool.

00:57:25:25 – 00:57:27:26
Brad Singletary
And when I say like a fool, I mean, there is.

00:57:27:26 – 00:57:30:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Nothing foolish about it. That’s a man who’s alive.

00:57:30:28 – 00:57:34:29
Brad Singletary
You’re not afraid of what you look like. You don’t have much rhythm. Why are you kind of that’s pretty.

00:57:34:29 – 00:57:38:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Good, you know, rhythm. But that’s not the point you’re feeling.

00:57:38:04 – 00:57:47:11
Brad Singletary
The music, you’re feeling the environment or or there’ll be these like, I forget what you call them, but these are little like, you know, donuts with the granddaughters day or whatever.

00:57:47:11 – 00:57:49:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that’s every Friday. Every Friday.

00:57:49:12 – 00:57:53:24
Brad Singletary
OK, so you got some little rituals where the grandkids come over for mourning or what happened?

00:57:53:24 – 00:57:58:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
No, no, no. I get up, I get my exercise in. I hit the donut shop and then I show up at their house.

00:57:58:17 – 00:57:59:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
You go to their house, I.

00:57:59:16 – 00:58:00:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Go to their house.

00:58:00:23 – 00:58:01:18
Brad Singletary
Like, here’s some.

00:58:01:23 – 00:58:04:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Here’s some big old fries. You go.

00:58:04:09 – 00:58:11:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, that’s right. Yes. And then we we actually send donuts to the ones that live in California because we can’t be there. Right, all the time having delivered there.

00:58:11:17 – 00:58:14:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
So we haven’t delivered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a pretty.

00:58:14:27 – 00:58:18:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cheap way to say, Hey, Grandpa and Grandma, I was thinking about you, right?

00:58:18:20 – 00:58:20:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I guess so. Yeah. No, we have a good time.

00:58:20:27 – 00:58:41:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I think ever since I was young, I think it was my dad, too, probably. But trying to make somebody smile, right? You know? I mean, it matters. Maybe that’s the only time they’re going to smile the whole day. Maybe for a week. It’s the only little bit of joy they’ve had. You just never know what is going on in somebody else’s life.

00:58:41:11 – 00:58:51:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I think that’s kind of an innate gift. I really do. Right? You know, maybe sometimes it’s not a gift at all. Sometimes it goes too far. And I got to answer to the boss, if you know what I mean.

00:58:51:25 – 00:58:57:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m not talking to God. I’m talking to the other boss. My eternal boss. So sometimes I go.

00:58:57:25 – 00:59:00:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Too far and I kind of back it off a little.

00:59:00:21 – 00:59:05:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Bit. But it’s OK. She’s she’s learned she’s had.

00:59:05:12 – 00:59:06:08
Brad Singletary
To learn how to love.

00:59:06:08 – 00:59:07:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
You, too. Oh, yeah.

00:59:08:08 – 00:59:09:07
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. That part of you.

00:59:09:17 – 00:59:10:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, right. Yeah.

00:59:10:12 – 00:59:52:18
Jimmy Durbin
Grab nice and talk about you know, today I call myself Jimmy but for 42 years prior to that, it was Jim. And then when I got into recovery realizing the individual, the part of me that crosses the line, that pushes it too far is my ego, is my pride, and it’s being driven because of maybe that my feeling or I’m feeling insecure insignificant or that I don’t matter, I did something wrong or I’m not in control.

00:59:53:23 – 01:00:13:20
Jimmy Durbin
And so I’m trying to my ego’s trying to make up. Jim’s trying to drive the car, so to speak. And I’m just curious as to what you’ve noticed, because I think that’s the other thing about being a man is being able to talk about our weaknesses, about being able to kind of own that piece of it so that we can then apologize, like you said.

01:00:13:20 – 01:00:32:00
Jimmy Durbin
And, and of course. Correct, right. In that part of awareness and being mindfulness. And so how does that show up in your life? How does that manifest when when that ego, when that pride kind of kicks in? And what’s your process for OK, being aware of that and then of course, correcting.

01:00:32:11 – 01:00:32:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

01:00:33:28 – 01:00:58:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
In in my business, right. A lawyer, there’s just so much of that and I’m guilty of it as the next person. But I think the man upstairs has been kind to me in that I usually know when I go too far. I remember I remember years ago I had a case with this guy and it was just getting more and more contentious, more and more contentious.

01:00:59:15 – 01:01:05:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
And finally I said something I shouldn’t have said. So he turned me into the Nevada State Bar.

01:01:05:18 – 01:01:07:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
And wrote a letter.

01:01:07:02 – 01:01:10:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
On me, said, Mr. Williams told me to go f myself.

01:01:13:07 – 01:01:21:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I made a call. I got a call from bar counsel. Is this puts Williams? Yes, sir. Now, when bar counsel calls you, you’re.

01:01:21:13 – 01:01:21:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shaking.

01:01:22:02 – 01:01:26:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right did you tell that lawyer to go F himself?

01:01:26:25 – 01:01:27:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, I did.

01:01:28:17 – 01:01:35:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you not do that anymore? No, I won’t. And I’ve never done it again. But things have heated up over the years.

01:01:35:11 – 01:02:03:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Another situation that I had with a lawyer that I just love and respect, but it just, you know, our clients are going at it so heavy. And so we start sometimes take upon ourselves the personality of our clients, and it just went too far. And so I just thought about it. After a contentious conversation, shut my door, got on my knees in my office, prayed to God that, you know, hey, listen, we’re only fighting about money here or something, right?

01:02:03:13 – 01:02:25:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
In the big scheme of things. And the impression was send him a cookie basket to his firm right now. So I asked Robin, my assistant, would you send a cookie basket over there? And that healed it just like that one cookie basket. And we were healed and we were fine. We’ve had probably 40 cases with our respective firms over the years, and they’ve all resolved, you know, in a friendly fashion.

01:02:25:29 – 01:02:46:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I think just like you said, we all all of us have egos and they’re going to come through sometimes. And if we just have certain rituals in our lives and things we can we can keep some humility, right? It’s not always going to happen, but we know when it’s gone too far. We know when the red flag comes up, right?

01:02:46:14 – 01:03:05:24
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. And like, I appreciate that word, ritual finding a series of actions that I can take every day regardless of how I feel. And I to me, that plugs into why you do the service and why you pay for it and why you talk to these men. It’s just having this ritual to keep the ego in check.

01:03:06:14 – 01:03:35:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. And everybody has their own way. I mean, I get up every morning and I’ll read scriptures for 20, 30 minutes and then I’ll exercise and then I’ll get going for the day. And if someone says, well you have to be up at 430 tomorrow, then I guess I get it. I’m getting a bit 3:00 because I’m concerned about ever changing that that, that thing, if you will, for lack of a better word, that I feel has carried me in life.

01:03:35:29 – 01:03:44:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, academically I really, really struggled in high school I graduated deal with Las Vegas High School with a 2.2 GPA.

01:03:44:28 – 01:03:46:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I never thought this guy.

01:03:46:14 – 01:04:03:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
Was going to college. Right. It was I just, you know, I just couldn’t sit in a room without and focus on an academic things very well. And then I went on that mission well, when I was on that mission, they had this little prize you would get if you memorized a hundred scriptures.

01:04:04:15 – 01:04:06:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, I really had to work hard at that.

01:04:06:25 – 01:04:20:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I did it took me six months or something, but I memorized every one of them. Well, again, you’re in your younger years, right? And you’re thinking maybe I could go to college but when I came home, by the grace of.

01:04:20:23 – 01:04:28:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
God, you and Elvie would let anybody and even me. It was a long time ago. It’s not that way anymore. I’m sure but they let me.

01:04:28:06 – 01:04:29:05
Brad Singletary
I’ve been a fan for.

01:04:29:05 – 01:04:31:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Life ever since. Oh, you bet I am.

01:04:31:27 – 01:04:53:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I signed up for college again. Never thought. And none of my family member had ever got family members had ever gone to college that all of a sudden I said, Hey, listen, it’s taking you three and four times to understand complicated concepts when the guy next to you gets it. The first time I recognized that very early in my life.

01:04:54:05 – 01:05:15:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I said, you better learn persistence so I’ve made my mind up very early. You might beat me, you might beat me in the courtroom, you might beat me in a debate. But I’m going to work harder because I know I have to work two or three times harder than you to be able to stay with you in this arena.

01:05:16:21 – 01:05:32:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I think, again, by the gift of God, you learn your weaknesses. If you if you ask them and if you spend some time at them and then you just work through them, just you know, if brains, natural brains is not your not your thing, well then persistence better be.

01:05:33:23 – 01:05:55:27
Brad Singletary
And that’s so great. You’re just the openness to like, OK, I may have this deficiency in some area, but I still want and deserve and believe that I can reach these other accomplishments. I just have to work harder. I mean, that is one of those traits that’s that’s some of the, you know, traditional masculinity that seems to be missing today is just, oh, OK.

01:05:56:04 – 01:06:15:01
Brad Singletary
Well, guess it means I need to work hard. I guess I need to push harder and I can do this. I just have to it’s going to require more from me and I love that you that you’re saying this right now. Like, OK, I, you know, didn’t even do well in high school. Now you’re an attorney, now you’re balling.

01:06:15:01 – 01:06:29:07
Brad Singletary
Now because of hard work and persistence and that discipline. So you’re talking about a little bit of a morning ritual. You have some you talked about reading scripture exercise. Is that running pretty much mostly or.

01:06:29:07 – 01:06:47:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’ll run four or five days a week and go to the gym and lift weights a couple of days a week. Just something to get the blood flow right. It’s getting harder as you get older, but I don’t miss very often. Even this morning before church, I walked six miles. I just I just need to be out breathing air and thinking and focusing.

01:06:47:25 – 01:07:00:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I usually listen to a talk or something positive or listen to good music. Nothing too crazy on the you know, I might be the only person in the gym that’s listening to a, you know.

01:07:00:05 – 01:07:06:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
A spiritual, spiritual thought or spiritual music. Because I’m trying to get my spirit.

01:07:06:17 – 01:07:08:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Tuned up before the world takes.

01:07:08:21 – 01:07:10:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
Over at about 8:00 because the.

01:07:10:28 – 01:07:12:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
World’s coming right.

01:07:12:06 – 01:07:12:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Every day.

01:07:13:10 – 01:07:30:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I’m just trying to tune upright, and some people don’t have to do that. Mike, my wife, is a very simple faith. I wish I could be more like her. Like her faith in her hope is just so she doesn’t need an hour to do that every day. Well, guess what I do or my ego will take over.

01:07:31:16 – 01:07:33:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I just have to know where you are right now.

01:07:33:16 – 01:07:34:28
Jimmy Durbin
Great awareness. Yeah.

01:07:35:16 – 01:07:55:07
Brad Singletary
I have a couple more questions for you, but one is what major error do you see men making? You’ve been around a lot of guys. You’ve been around a lot of people professionally as a leader. And you talk about as a as a bishop. I know you’ve done some things with the young people in your church. You’ve had like lots of opportunities to serve.

01:07:55:07 – 01:08:18:04
Brad Singletary
Just you’ve been a community man. I mean, you’ve been all around the place. What do you see guys messing up on what? I mean, if our average listener is a 40 year old father, let’s say younger father, you know, maybe has a couple of kids working fairly functional, but what kinds of things do you think average guys are missing out on or not doing well?

01:08:18:04 – 01:08:23:04
Brad Singletary
Not paying enough attention to mistakes they’re making see any patterns.

01:08:25:05 – 01:08:28:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
I think one is just trying to learn to listen.

01:08:29:06 – 01:08:31:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
It brings me back.

01:08:31:09 – 01:08:35:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
To the Bishop days. A couple would come in and be at each other’s throats.

01:08:35:21 – 01:08:39:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, it’s his fault. It’s her fault, it’s his fault, it’s her fault.

01:08:40:00 – 01:08:44:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
And at first I thought I had answers that, well, I this is.

01:08:44:09 – 01:08:49:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
A real easy fix, you know, maybe, maybe you guys should do this. Maybe you should do that. That didn’t seem.

01:08:49:23 – 01:09:04:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
To work very well. And then it hit me one day. Just let him have it out a little bit. Just listen. Just slow down and listen. And once I did that, they would go, boom.

01:09:04:07 – 01:09:15:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Boom, boom. And then they would look at me like I was a miracle worker. Hey, that was great. Oh, my high five. I didn’t say anything. I just listened so.

01:09:16:27 – 01:09:47:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, it’s the best thing in life. Well, that’s that’s an exaggeration, but one of the wonderful things in life is maybe you are the smartest person in the room, but nobody has to know about it. You know, when you walk into a room and you’re humble and you’re listening, then people want to talk to you, then you know what the issues are, whether it be your wife or your child or somebody you’re trying to mentor, you don’t know the issues.

01:09:47:05 – 01:10:09:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
If you begin to talk to you quick, you just got to listen. And guess what? Listening takes time so that’s to me, it’s I know it sounds so simple, but it’s not simple. But if but if we and I I’m still working on this. Trust me, if we’ll work on the concept of listening, we’re probably going to go pretty far in life.

01:10:11:00 – 01:10:23:23
Brad Singletary
What keeps guys from listening and why don’t they? You’re saying it takes some time to do that and maybe patience, but what else? What other obstacles do men have keep them? Why don’t we listen very well?

01:10:23:23 – 01:10:24:20
Jimmy Durbin
Can I jump in here?

01:10:24:20 – 01:10:26:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, yeah, jump in. Yeah.

01:10:27:15 – 01:10:51:06
Jimmy Durbin
Feedback. I got quite a bit in my late twenties and thirties. Jimmy, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care because it was always about me. I always wanted to impress you. I was coming from a place of, you know, negative beliefs about myself or whatever the situation was. Or I had to prove myself.

01:10:51:06 – 01:11:17:21
Jimmy Durbin
And so I had to be the smart, you know, whatever that was. And so I wasn’t listening. I was talking about me and I just kept hearing this feedback from different people in my life at different times of, like, just shut up and lead with your heart. And I think when I first walked in that same space with you, that’s what hit me was here’s a guy who I can see his heart.

01:11:17:21 – 01:11:24:24
Jimmy Durbin
I can see the love in your eyes. I can it radiates in your face, this countenance, the glow, despite the fact that you’re bald.

01:11:25:03 – 01:11:45:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
You ready? And you see the glow there. You see, I had like five years left at the front and I lifted off and my wife’s like, word your hair go. I said, Honey, somebody took a picture of my bald head two weeks ago and showed it to me. So I just finished the job yeah. I think it’d stay in that way now, but I don’t know.

01:11:45:03 – 01:11:46:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Looks good. It looks good.

01:11:47:26 – 01:11:49:00
Brad Singletary
Kind of like it myself.

01:11:49:00 – 01:11:52:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, it’s not bad. But. No, I know.

01:11:52:12 – 01:12:16:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
It’s it. It takes time. It’s a it’s a skill. I’m still working on it sometimes. But you met. You answered your own question. You might not know that, knowing that you did, because we’re moving along, but you said two things. Time and patience to be a listener. It’s going to take some time time’s only measured in men, so we have a limited amount of it.

01:12:16:02 – 01:12:20:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
So that leads into the next thing. A 40 year old guy with three kids at home.

01:12:20:20 – 01:12:21:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
He don’t have a lot of time.

01:12:21:28 – 01:12:35:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
In his mind. He’s like, I got to go here. I got this, I got that, and impatience. And most of us are not born with that one, right? So we have to learn it over time. So time and patience.

01:12:36:09 – 01:12:57:01
Brad Singletary
I think, too, that if you believe that there is something valuable coming from the other person, I mean, to listen also requires that you respect who’s talking and you respect who’s who’s out there. Even if it’s your children, they’ll tell you important things if you just listen. I remember listening to a an audio book or, I don’t know, some influencer of some kind.

01:12:57:01 – 01:13:07:18
Brad Singletary
And he said he was talking about like your wife complaining at you or something. And he said, you want that data, that’s information you want. Don’t act like don’t shut yourself down.

01:13:07:28 – 01:13:08:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
Hear it.

01:13:09:17 – 01:13:16:01
Brad Singletary
Hear it, and then you can do something and then you can minimize it by taking action and listen. But you have to listen first.

01:13:16:08 – 01:13:43:05
Jimmy Durbin
And I think what comes with that time and patience, at least for me, was the realization that no matter who was in front of me, there is value. They have something to offer. But because of my ego and my pride and my judgment, you don’t have you don’t have anything offer. And that is that is the ego. That is my pride of of believing that and instilling that.

01:13:43:05 – 01:13:44:28
Jimmy Durbin
And so I don’t have to listen.

01:13:45:23 – 01:14:09:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
That is so good. Before I came here, I was at a different meeting, and this church leader stood up and he said, I want to show you this picture, and it’s a picture of Christ. And he’s getting ready to heal someone, but you can’t see the person he’s healing. He goes, Do you notice that kids and he’s talking to a group of kids, even this 56 year old kid.

01:14:09:16 – 01:14:43:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I’m like, I know where he’s going with this. He says, Christ can’t see the person when you go serve someone you never want to think that they are less than you or anyone else. In other words, you want to be on the same plane. Everybody’s got a story, and it’s usually a pretty good story. And when you take time to listen to anyone, you’re going to probably get some nuggets that are going to bless your life.

01:14:43:20 – 01:14:55:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean, I’m sitting there listening to you guys today and I’m just thinking, man, I’m just learning from these guys. They think they know I’m learning. I’m sitting here learning from these guys, you know.

01:14:56:05 – 01:14:57:11
Jimmy Durbin
Which is why men need men.

01:14:57:20 – 01:14:59:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why I’m in me then.

01:14:59:11 – 01:15:17:10
Brad Singletary
That’s right. That is exactly why. So tell me something that you’re still trying to figure out about life. You know, you’re saying you’re 56, you’re still growing, still learning to be a man, but literally something that you want to still maybe begin or still round off in your life.

01:15:17:24 – 01:15:51:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I saw that question is a precursor. What am I what am I still trying to learn so this is going to sound a little generic, but but I do mean it. I’m still trying to learn more about the nature of God. I’m still trying to understand how you know, his compassion can be there for even a guy like me raised in downtown Las Vegas, maybe I’m still trying to get better at my profession.

01:15:52:06 – 01:16:15:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean, I’ve thought about this concept of retiring and, you know, these types of things and just doesn’t feel right. It just feels like I can still learn and maybe be of some benefit to my clients. If. Right, if they want me to do something that maybe I can help them with it, you know? So I think it’s just this concept of ever learning ever learning whatever’s around us.

01:16:16:11 – 01:16:20:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. So we’ll see.

01:16:20:13 – 01:16:45:24
Brad Singletary
So what is the most alpha attribute about you? And we just I just did a podcast before this one that I’m kind of trying to define that because I hate the way the world looks at the alpha male that’s such an ugly caricature. But Alpha being the highest part of you, you know, the best, purest, most, you know, the most, the strongest brightest piece inside you.

01:16:45:24 – 01:16:54:16
Brad Singletary
What is, what is that for you? Something that you can really be proud of and own as a talent or gift. What’s special about you? What is your superpower?

01:16:55:24 – 01:16:56:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know.

01:16:57:14 – 01:16:58:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I saw that.

01:16:58:05 – 01:17:00:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Question, too, and I wanted to punch that thing down the.

01:17:00:27 – 01:17:03:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Field. You know, but then I.

01:17:03:22 – 01:17:09:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
When I painted it, I felt like our punter in high school one time, he put it and it went right off his foot into the stands, to the right.

01:17:10:05 – 01:17:13:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I never seen 180 degree punt before. And we.

01:17:13:19 – 01:17:16:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Saw it. I’m not going to mention his name, Jim Capper.

01:17:16:02 – 01:17:19:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
But if you’re out there, our best punt die or saw in my life.

01:17:20:04 – 01:17:44:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t you know, this is really a tough one, right? Because it makes you talk about maybe equality. You you have figured out about yourself over the years that maybe you could pass on. Right? I mean, really isn’t that kind of the core of the question I would say just keep working at it. Whatever you’re doing, just keep working at it.

01:17:45:19 – 01:18:10:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, if you’re in a tough spot right now, tomorrow’s probably going to get brighter. And if it’s not tomorrow, it’s going to be the next day if you keep working at it. Right. I remember an old, old guy named Jeff NGO Bush gave a little talk one time and the first reminder that he gave himself every day is, I am a child of God.

01:18:11:13 – 01:18:18:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
I am a child of God. My mom used to say to me, hey, Butchie, you know, I don’t like you sometimes.

01:18:18:19 – 01:18:22:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I do love you. There’s some days I don’t like you, but I love you.

01:18:23:08 – 01:18:44:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I look at God that way. You know, there’s some days he’s not going to like the decisions I make because they’re my decisions and they’re prideful and they’re, you know, but I know he loves me. And I as I jump into scriptures every day or listen to a talker, I’m reminding you of that love. I, I, I see that love in the eyes of all those at the Las Vegas rescue mission.

01:18:45:12 – 01:18:56:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I remember walking to church one day as a bishop. This guy was walking right to I’d always walk to church because it was a one mile walk to my church from my house. And with having six kids at home, it gave me a chance just to.

01:18:56:16 – 01:18:58:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Clear my mind a little bit and go try to be.

01:18:58:19 – 01:19:22:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
A bishop right in. This guy is walking at me and he’s big guy. He’s burly, and he’s tattooed from head to toe, and I’ve never felt like I was a real judgmental person, but I’ve judged and I’ve judged wrongfully, you know, that guy’s walking that me. All of a sudden I went from his tattooed body into his eyes and I could just see the light of Christ in this guy.

01:19:22:27 – 01:19:45:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I said, That guy right there is your brother. And things changed that. How I viewed people from that day forward, I just, you know, nobody’s less than you. Nobody’s better than you. If you’re going to compare yourself with someone, if you really find it necessary to compare yourself with someone, go ahead and compare yourself to God. You’ll get yourself humble because you know, he creates worlds without end.

01:19:46:00 – 01:19:46:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And you’re.

01:19:46:16 – 01:20:01:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Sitting here just trying to make $10, keep a little money in your pocket to pay the bills next month. Right? Right. So I mean, just keep working, right? Do the best you can, stay humble and keep working. Things will work out. They do.

01:20:02:13 – 01:20:30:01
Brad Singletary
You just have so many stellar qualities, man. When I someone asked me before what what I thought it meant to to be an alpha. And I read this book recently called King Warrior, Magician, Lover and to me, that kind of this book is about archetypes and that we all possess these different archetypes. So that of King Now that would be like the good leader, you know, a benevolent king he’s giving to his kingdom and whatever he’s king.

01:20:30:01 – 01:20:55:07
Brad Singletary
That’s the leadership area. And then warrior is the guy who’s fighting for the good, you know, fighting for the right thing. That’s your profession. You know, maybe you’re you’re a warrior that way. You’re a warrior. We’re talking about that. The Las Vegas rescue mission, helping, helping in good causes. You’ve been involved with a lot of those things. Magician means you have specialized knowledge, not only that, you have specialized knowledge, but that you share it.

01:20:55:13 – 01:21:16:16
Brad Singletary
So unlike a street magician, this kind of magician is someone who would teach their tricks. And you’re doing that with your son in law who’s in your practice and all the young attorneys that you’ve been able to influence. And then lover lover is a guy that’s showing up with donuts at the grandkids every Friday or, you know, dancing in the stands at the the Golden Knights hockey games.

01:21:17:09 – 01:21:35:26
Brad Singletary
You you just you just a grateful person. I’ve just seen some amazing things from you and I really appreciate you being here to to to join with this man. And I and I hope that we can, you know, I don’t know, continue our friendship. I guess we haven’t been super close, but I’ve known you for probably 15 years.

01:21:35:26 – 01:21:57:20
Brad Singletary
And a guy came to me one time to work with me. And you were called as his leader. You were in that period and he said, I believe that God knows who I am because this person was, you know, he’s my pastor, he’s my bishop. And he is a person that I believe is going to help me in my life.

01:21:57:20 – 01:22:16:13
Brad Singletary
And and I remember hearing just how you two this guy was kind of like the man who influenced you way back and that you treated him that way. Maybe you had him in your home and all these kinds of things. And it’s just it’s just great to know that there are men like you around. You’ve got these great polarities.

01:22:16:13 – 01:22:54:21
Brad Singletary
So on one hand, you know, you’re running every morning. You’ve got you’ve drive, you ride a Harley, you have a black Corvette. And yet, you know, your biggest goal is to continue to learn to understand God. Like you don’t see those kinds of things in people, you know, motorcycle, motocross rider back in the day, marathoner Harley Davidson, you know, Corvette driver and highly spiritual talking about tenderness, you know, the love and people that kind of that is the most brilliant, beautiful stuff that I’ve ever seen in guys.

01:22:54:21 – 01:23:05:02
Brad Singletary
And you just you really represent that a lot. So thank you for who you are and for being willing to come and share with us a little bit here. Do they Jimmy, do you have any closing thoughts or questions or.

01:23:05:02 – 01:23:28:13
Jimmy Durbin
No, I just Butch here. I appreciate thank you for showing up in the world you know, thank you for the difference that you make. I still think you punted that that question. You know, I think your superpower, you love your love. You found a way to fall in love with yourself and it it shows up. And so thank you.

01:23:29:01 – 01:23:54:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Man. You’re welcome. And I and I’m never going to forget the term it was worth driving out here for a lot of reasons. First you see again, Brad. But second of all, I’m never going to forget that terminology. A hard back and a soft front that that just that’s the the the new saying for this week just hard back sometimes your back’s got to be hard that world’s coming at you but you can keep your front soft.

01:23:54:16 – 01:23:55:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love it.

01:23:55:05 – 01:23:56:09
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. Keep your heart open.

01:23:56:10 – 01:23:58:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, so good. So good.

01:23:58:25 – 01:24:00:21
Brad Singletary
I’m just soft everywhere I’m soft in.

01:24:02:11 – 01:24:10:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
I need to harden up a little bit like these two guys. A little myself. Great. Soft. Yeah. What’s that joke from the eighties?

01:24:11:14 – 01:24:13:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
We used to tell each other. You get Dunlap Disease?

01:24:13:24 – 01:24:24:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You know what’s dumb about disease? When you’re barely done, that’s over your male rash. I don’t know where they get these things. The eighties were a great time to be alive. Hey, would.

01:24:25:25 – 01:24:36:01
Brad Singletary
You guys, we just want to highlight some of the best men that we can get our hands on. And I think we’ve scored big time here tonight. This Lou Williams, I meant to ask you how to why the name Butch.

01:24:36:09 – 01:24:41:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, you wonder if you’re going. That’s Alpha from day one when they start calling you. But you’re a.

01:24:41:07 – 01:24:42:21
Brad Singletary
Total stud when they do that.

01:24:43:04 – 01:24:45:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
So that is a story.

01:24:47:16 – 01:24:47:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
When.

01:24:47:24 – 01:25:05:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I was born, my mom wanted to name me Don because she had an Uncle Don. That was just a talk about a humble guy. I remember him as a kid. He’d come into our home and he he was so humble. Adam Langley was his name. Well, I had another Uncle Don, and.

01:25:06:02 – 01:25:10:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
He was a little rougher. So my my mom my mom.

01:25:10:14 – 01:25:11:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wanted to name me after the.

01:25:12:20 – 01:25:15:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
More humble Don. Good. Don. Yeah, yeah.

01:25:15:29 – 01:25:21:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And my dad said, Well, I’ll tell you how we’re going to solve this problem. I’m just going to call him Butch.

01:25:22:03 – 01:25:25:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that was it. I thought I had it.

01:25:25:01 – 01:25:25:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shaken in high.

01:25:25:26 – 01:25:27:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
School. Nope.

01:25:28:19 – 01:25:29:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
College? Nope.

01:25:30:24 – 01:25:36:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Law school? No. Got into the professional world. A few clients call me.

01:25:36:03 – 01:25:37:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Don, and it’s still Butch.

01:25:37:06 – 01:25:39:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I imagine that’s.

01:25:39:07 – 01:25:40:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Will be on my tombstone.

01:25:40:10 – 01:25:42:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
When I get creamy.

01:25:42:03 – 01:25:46:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cremate it off the coast of Hawaii. I heard you can do that for 300 bucks.

01:25:46:02 – 01:25:50:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Why not? You know, I like the North Shore. Throw you.

01:25:50:06 – 01:25:51:08
Brad Singletary
In a volcano or what.

01:25:51:08 – 01:26:01:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Do they do? It’s a Neptune society. 300 bucks. You know, they sizzle you and put you out on the ocean, man. That way, when I’m resurrected, man, I’m in one cool area. So I’ve got.

01:26:01:17 – 01:26:04:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
That in my trust right now. But my wife says I have to change it.

01:26:06:16 – 01:26:09:04
Jimmy Durbin
Tell her the new thing now is composting. So you just want to be.

01:26:09:18 – 01:26:10:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Stuffed.

01:26:11:17 – 01:26:12:09
Brad Singletary
Into a tree.

01:26:12:09 – 01:26:13:27
Jimmy Durbin
And then spread the dirt all over.

01:26:15:14 – 01:26:20:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, that’s a little stuff going on there. Yes, it is. And it’s great to.

01:26:20:17 – 01:26:21:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Be with you guys. Thank you.

01:26:21:19 – 01:26:22:13
Brad Singletary
Thank you, man.

01:26:22:13 – 01:26:24:02
Jimmy Durbin
Thanks for coming in, you guys.

01:26:24:08 – 01:26:27:10
Brad Singletary
Until next time, no excuses, Alpha.

01:26:29:14 – 01:26:34:16
Speaker 3
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

01:26:40:11 – 01:26:41:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
There it is.

 

Click your podcast platform below or listen to the embedded file on this page.

097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance

097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance

097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance

In one of the most interesting and widely relevant topics to date, Founder Brad Singletary discusses the problem with most failing relationships: he isn’t being a loving and devoted leader, and she isn’t being open about how she is actually feeling.  These problems kill relationships and Brad shares some of the work by Zak Roedde and Mark Binet who outline what men and women can do to be more effective in their relationships.  

While he doesn’t endorse every aspect of this philosophy, Brad observes that this exact pattern is what has plagued every couple he can remember in a career of over two decades working with people’s relationships.  He shares some of the basics about how to get a romantic relationship fully polarized by using the nature of both feminine and masculine energies to complement each other’s inherent gifts. 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:16 – 00:01:01:19
Brad Singletary
I’m about to tell you what’s wrong in your relationship. It’s upside down in the polarity of masculine and feminine natures. We need this polarity for chemistry and passion. When it’s missing or when it’s inverted, it can become dull and boring and this is when affairs can happen. Women accidentally emasculate and disrespect the man because she is in a masculine frame of mind out of necessity. She’s been wounded and traumatized in life. She’s just protecting herself. Unfortunately, she needs to do that often because of abusive men in the past maybe you. You are not expressing loving and devoted leadership. And maybe you’ve become a doormat and are afraid of her. So she is leading and that frustrates you. You aren’t open to her feelings. But often she’s not even actually sharing any. Stay tuned as I review polarity.

00:01:04:29 – 00:01:26:06
Intro
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

00:01:30:10 – 00:02:20:09
Brad Singletary
Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here, you guys. This is going to be the best thing that I’ve ever talked about on this show. I can’t even tell you how excited I am. I know it’s been a few weeks since we posted a show. It’s sometimes a little bit difficult to get people lined up when our schedules match up and so forth. So if you have potential guests you’d like to have us feature on the Alpha Quorum Show. Send us a link. Send us a, you know, notification about who that might be. Today, I want to talk about something that has been a mind blowing like revelation. This information that I’ve been reading has been just a game changer for me. So I’ve been in behavioral health for 24 years, working with individuals and families in all different kinds of settings.

00:02:20:27 – 00:03:15:11
Brad Singletary
And I’ve done a lot of work recently, meaning the last several years, the last, you know, ten years or so of my life with couples. I’ve done, there’s lots of different models, lots of different types of therapy that you can do with couples. And some of that stuff has been really difficult with, some of the concepts are great. They don’t seem to kind of work in every situation. Some of them are overly simplistic. Some of them are overly complicated. This information that I’m going to share today. It’s just. I can’t believe that I’m 47 years old. I have a master’s degree. And I even taught in graduate school. I taught in a graduate program for six years. And I’m just now finding out this information about polarity in relationships.

00:03:15:11 – 00:03:59:20
Brad Singletary
So a few years ago I read David Deida and when I started getting into the manosphere stuff a little bit, some of the men’s literature I should say, and I read David Deida, like The Way of the Superior Man and some of his other stuff and listen to some of his videos and he talks a little bit about polarity, but this brand of polarity talk that I want to share comes from a specific guy I forget who even turned me on to this dude and this author his name is Zak Roedde. And he’s just some young younger guy.

00:03:59:20 – 00:04:35:17
Brad Singletary
I don’t know. He’s probably younger than me. I don’t know his background, and I don’t believe he has professional training like myself. But what he’s talking about is the truth. It is the truth. And this is why I’m so excited to tell you because I’ve never understood the problems with romantic relationships like I have in the last month. So what I’m going to do is just kind of summarize what they teach, Zak Roedde and Mark Binet.

00:04:36:16 – 00:05:37:08
Brad Singletary
Those are the the guys that I’ve learned from the most here. They’ve got YouTube. We’re going to put links in the show notes and stuff here. It’s about the balance between the masculine and feminine energies in relationships. This is Zak Roeddes, he’s the author of three books. I can’t remember the names exactly. One of them is like “Irresistibly Feminine”, a book for women. One is called “Don’t Let Her Lead” And there’s another one. I don’t have that right up in front of me. But it talks about the need for men to be the leader and for the woman to be in the submissive role. Now, let me just warn all of you who may be triggered by just those comments and those words about submissiveness and so forth. You know, I look at almost everything a little bit skeptically. It takes a lot to impress me. It takes a lot.

00:05:37:08 – 00:05:46:00
Brad Singletary
When I see some YouTube or some teaching or someone’s book. I’ve read so many things. It takes a lot to really impressed me. This shit is impressive. And I think you have to look beyond what you think they’re saying. Okay. This isn’t. I don’t know, this Andrew Tate, you know, he’s a guy out there who’s been ridiculed. And kind of, they’ve canceled him now. I guess he, you know, had something surface or whatever, but it’s not quite that brand of how women should be property and that kind of stuff. But he talks about some of the natural instincts with with men and women. And so I listen to him. I listen to him, and I applied it to myself.

00:06:23:25 – 00:07:02:21
Brad Singletary
First of all, I’m in my second marriage. I’ve been basically in a marriage or in a relationship with someone that I was married to since 1998. I’ve worked in behavioral health for 24 years. I’ve worked with tons of couples in you know, marriage and family type situations. And so I’ve seen this and as I’ve learned this information about polarity, I go back through all the cases that I’ve ever worked with and just look to see if this model applies or if this dynamic applies to these people. And it does in every single one, when things weren’t good in my marriages. This is what’s happening.

00:07:02:21 – 00:07:49:26
Brad Singletary
So I’m about to tell you what’s wrong with your relationship and I’m going to tell you how to fix it. This could be difficult to fully take in because it’s very different than what we’ve been taught, the influences on what men and women should expect from each other. It’s all kind of screwed up, though. The messaging is a little bit distorted. So what I want to do today is talk about polarity through the lens of the work of Zak Roedde and Mark Binet. Now, I don’t know all of their teaching. I did a masterclass, read some of the books.

00:07:48:24 – 00:08:16:23
Brad Singletary
I’ve joined the Facebook Group. And I’m just learning from like their TikTok accounts. Just learning about some of these concepts. So it’s new to me. So I’m kind of doing this to synthesize the information, all this buildup, because it’s going to be powerful when we get there. But I wanted to actually message Zak and ask him to be on the show. And he said,you know, maybe when the audience is a little bit bigger. That’s why we need you, bro.

00:08:16:23 – 00:09:15:01
Brad Singletary
So I need you to be a part of this so we can grow the audience anyway. And he offered to have one of his kind of trainees or, you know, his protege or whatever do that, do join the podcast but instead of taking the time that it would, that we would probably need to arrange something like that, I have to get this information out there. I want to record this because I think this is going to help people. And this is going to help people. See what happens when a relationship is broken and how you fix it. So the first point here is that problems in relationships come when the partners, the husband and wife, you know, when the male and the female. And yes, I’m talking about heterosexual relationships here. But when the masculine and feminine polarity is inverted, there are Problems.

00:09:15:01 – 00:09:57:11
Brad Singletary
She’s in the masculine. And that means that she’s trying to lead and she’s trying to protect and she’s trying to Direct and do all of those things that she needs to do to feel safe. And that’s not a that’s not problematic. That’s her adapting to the life that she’s lived. She’s probably a person who has been, you know, harmed and injured in relationships, may have dealt with trauma. All of that stuff is very valid as a as a precursor or a predictor of what happens when the female is living in masculine, when she’s masculinized. So she’s kind of tough, maybe too tough. Maybe she’s guarding her feelings.

00:09:57:11 – 00:10:40:08
Brad Singletary
Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about her. She can’t acknowledge and talk about her feelings. And she’s unhappy. I believe that a woman who is living in masculine energy in her relationship, if she’s in a relationship with a man, it’s not very happy. Because that means he is an emasculated man. Because a polarity exists. We have this polar. So we kind of create the level of like feminine or masculine presentation in the other and the other person. We were part of it. We were part of that dynamic.

00:10:40:08 – 00:11:33:01
Brad Singletary
So if the female is masculinized because of the threatening things that she’s been through in her life, because of her childhood upbringing. There’s abuse. There’s, you know, whatever kind of things back. Or in romantic relationships, she’s been hurt or somehow has been made to feel unsafe. She’s been betrayed. Totally makes sense. Why she would be a mrs.
‘Little Miss Tough Girl’ in the masculine frame. Well, if she’s in the masculine frame guess where he is? He’s in the feminine frame. And what does that look like? He’s all about his feelings. And this is kind of the negative side of the feminine, which would be about, you know, emotional states and it would be maybe his caretaking. And so he’s doing a lot of caretaking. He’s the nice guy.

00:11:33:01 – 00:12:22:06
Brad Singletary
He’s a little bit. He’s in a submissive role. But that goes against his nature. Goes against his nature. And so he is not happy. You don’t agree with what I’m saying? You write me an email, send me a similar message. This is what I believe to be the truth. And what I have experienced in life. And as I’ve worked with people in a professional way for I think the number now is about 60,000 hours in my field. So she’s in the masculine, he’s in the feminine. They’re a little bit upside down. I’ll give you an example of one of my cases that I worked with so this guy is maybe 50 years old-ish. He’s an alcoholic. And recovery’s got several years of sobriety.

00:12:22:06 – 00:13:19:28
Brad Singletary
And because of all the nonsense he did as an alcoholic he feels like he doesn’t have the moral authority to, you know, exact any justice at home. He says, you know, his wife is kind of pushy, she’s manipulative. She’s extremely masculine in how she debates him and challenges him. And she’s like a drill sergeant. They also never really have sex. She doesn’t really respect him and he is afraid of her. So that’s an example of kind of an inverted polarity in the relationship. So why is this so important? I think it’s because the natural needs and the natural irritants in the feminine and masculine makeup can kind of be we can kind of understand those. And part of that, what the authors here talk about is that you can do that based on how you feel.

00:13:19:28 – 00:14:09:05
Brad Singletary
So let’s just say, what happens when a man’s wife is telling him what to do. Let me just ask you. In most cases, the wife is barking out orders to the husband and what is happening to him. You guessed it, he’s a little frustrated. He’s irritated this this is rubbing him the wrong way. And we look at that and we say ‘Oh, well, that’s his ego. That is his that’s problematic.’ This is somehow a weakness. He needs to learn to be more patient or whatever, you know, well, maybe this is the wrong person is taking the role of leadership. And it’s frustrating to him. It goes against his nature. Why does it go against his nature? Because throughout all of human history, the man was the protector and the provider.

00:14:09:05 – 00:15:03:27
Brad Singletary
So he needed to to be in the lead of his little unit, and he needed to lead that in order for survival to happen. Well, we don’t have those same survival needs today. Of course, but why do some of this stuff get us so frustrated? So men can’t handle directions they don’t like to be led. They may be a good follower. They may be a humble follower, but they’re not interested in being told what to do. They’re not interested in judgments. They’re not interested in being led by their woman. And when they are, they don’t feel good. They can handle it. They can do it. The old saying the old men say at weddings, you know, they go around. And what is your advice for the new couple? And the old men always say, you know, just learn to say, yes, dear and go along with whatever she wants. That’s fucking horseshit.

00:15:03:27 – 00:16:02:25
Brad Singletary
That’s a cute little thing for Old Men to say at weddings. But it’s horseshit because if you start doing everything that she’s telling you to do, and every time any of her emotion gets to become something that you’re afraid of, you’re losing. You don’t feel well. She doesn’t trust you and she doesn’t respect you because she is wired to follow your leadership. She’s wired to be receptive and be open to be submissive. A different author, someone else kind of talked about the male and female sexual anatomy. So if you think about like the male sex organ, it stands up point forward. It’s penetrating and firm and rigid and so forth.

00:16:02:25 – 00:16:49:25
Brad Singletary
The feminine sexual organ, if it’s soft, it’s open, it is receptive. And so these authors talk about the reason things get problematic in relationships is because he is soft. And she.is hard. She’s in the masculine role and he is in the feminine. And it’s frustrating to both of them and they don’t know why. And nobody can really articulate this. I’m telling you, I read from the best authors on relationships ever that ever have written in our time. And none of it really seemed to touch on what’s going on in our nature when we’re having these problems.

00:16:49:25 – 00:17:39:29
Brad Singletary
So her greatest needs, the female’s greatest need is to feel cherished. Her greatest need is to feel cheered. His greatest need is to feel respected, to be appreciated, to feel respected. And when she is in her masculine energy, when there’s when they’re deep polarized, the woman is leading, she’s directing, she’s seeking an outcome. She’s asking for her needs to be met. And that sounds fine that she can ask for her needs to be met. But guess what happens to every man when he’s asked to do something? He may do it, but he’s frustrated by it. It irritates him. Think of think about this, dudes.

00:17:39:29 – 00:18:39:07
Brad Singletary
If you have a woman who’s ever asked you to buy flowers or complain that you never buy me flowers, what does that do to the motivation to buy flowers? Exactly. So she’s giving gifts to you, you know, and when she’s in her masculine. So remember, the masculine is the is the one that is giving and the feminine is the one that’s receiving. So she’s giving gifts. He doesn’t want or need gifts. He doesn’t want or need gifts he wants to be respected as the leader she is. When she’s in her masculine nature, she’s anticipating needs. Well, that sounds very loving. That sounds very nice that she’s made his favorite meal. But that means she’s mothering him. She’s mothering him, not she’s smothering him, but maybe both. She’s mothering him.

00:18:39:07 – 00:19:25:15
Brad Singletary
And that’s what’s different about this whole philosophy. Some people have said, Oh, we’re trying to go back to a 1950s ethic where, you know, the wife is somehow in some like subservient role or whatever. You know, because even in the fifties that archetype bore wife that even that wasn’t very feminine because she’s always anticipating his needs. She’s walking around like a servant, bringing him his his things. And that’s not very feminine because she’s leading it. She’s leading and controlling the situation. So she’s kind of mothering him. She’s giving reminders. Here some pointers and why is that a big deal?

00:19:25:15 – 00:20:19:08
Brad Singletary
So some guys I know are going to hear this and they’re going to defend that and say ‘Well, I like it when she gives her input and I like it when she helps me set my doctor’s appointments and whatever.’ So why is that a big deal? It’s a big deal because she can that whole thing, let’s say she’s making appointments, reminding you were giving you pointers on things. She’s mothering you. It communicates that she can’t trust you and she can’t trust you. She doesn’t respect you. And if she doesn’t respect you, she’s not as receptive to you. And if she can’t and if she can’t respect you. She’s not receptive to you. So she’s leading and she’s pushing you around and she’s making her complaints.

00:20:19:08 – 00:21:10:27
Brad Singletary
She’s criticizing you and she’s throwing information at you, which just brings distortion into your head. And she’s not very open to you. So you got this bossy roommate who doesn’t want to touch. And she’s unhappy with you all the time. And you hate being around because she makes you feel so bad about yourself. But she’s not even all that into you because you’re not leading. I’ve been this person, by the way. I’ve been that guy. So those are some active forms of the feminine. Those are some active forms of the female being in a masculine, those kind of role. Some passive ones might be that she’s guarded, she’s self-protecting.

00:21:10:27 – 00:22:13:09
Brad Singletary
She’s not talking about her feelings. She’s guarding those feelings. And one of the things that I’m teaching men to try to do is lead their woman to her feelings. Don’t just be accepting of her feelings, but recognize when she’s not even sharing her feelings because what she needs is to what she needs is to feel of her man’s devotion. And she is most often feeling that devotion when she can feel safe in her feelings. But if she’s in a masculine state guarding, protecting, she’s the one seeking outcome. She’s directing and leading, and she’s the one who wears the pants. No one’s happy. No one’s happy with that.

00:22:13:09 – 00:22:57:26
Brad Singletary
If you have a female led relationship and flower and she’s the boss and you’re so happy and she loves you and wants to have sex with you very often and you’re able to perform that and everybody’s happy. And you’re the woman in the relationship and she’s the man. If you’re happy with that, holler, we’ll get you on the show. Here could you send me a message or we’d like to interview you. A man who’s emasculated is submissive. He does what he’s told. He does things he doesn’t really want to do because he’s afraid to, you know, make waves. Maybe he’s a little bit codependent and he’s in his feelings and he’s weak and he’s not performing. He’s not providing.

00:22:57:26 – 00:23:52:11
Brad Singletary
Maybe an emasculated man is under employed maybe. Or he’s, you know, not providing the things that his unit may need. So what the men should do, the goal of the masculine is to express loving devotion. And a man does that by leading with love and sensitivity. Actually nothing about this nothing about this teaching is, although we talk about, you know, the man should be dominant, the man should be dominant by expressing a warm, loving devotion and that he’s so reliable. And that is so safe. All of the feelings are safe.

00:23:52:11 – 00:24:43:23
Brad Singletary
He’s not running from feelings. He’s actually bringing some order to the sometimes seemingly chaotic expression of emotions, because many times what women are expressing is not emotion at all. Which is very difficult. Even here in my office, as I’m working with them and coaching them through this. They kind of get stuck and said ‘Well, what is your emotion about that?’ And she will often say ‘Well, I just think this is all unfair.’ You see, that’s not that’s a judgment. That’s not even an emotion. You know, if she feels some betrayal, if she feels that she is you know. She feels sad. If she feels fear or anger, those are the things that a man can do to help her to feel safe.

00:24:43:23 – 00:25:31:07
Brad Singletary
So men should express loving devotion. They should lead. They should anticipate her needs. Remember, the man is in the in the role of the giver. So he is the one who meets needs. He’s anticipating her needs. She is not anticipating his need. The man is in the giving role. He, the one of the words they one of the words they use is that he energetically penetrates her. Think about that energetically penetrates her these terms penetrates her like vigorously. As in sexual but also energetically meaning with his energy. He’s he’s driving the car.

00:25:31:07 – 00:26:25:05
Brad Singletary
So he provides he’s the one who sets the expectation. He turns himself into a self-Improvement machine. He’s got to really become a person who’s worthy of respect. This isn’t about the man is the boss, and the woman shuts her mouth. That is not what this is about. This is about we decide who the leader is, what these guys suggest, and what I believe, I think with with only a couple of months of exposure to this. But I believe that the male should lead in a relationship and that doesn’t mean that he’s a dictator. Remember, this is. This is an honor reserved only for the most devoted, kind of loving leader.

00:26:25:05 – 00:27:26:04
Brad Singletary
So this man is true to his word. He turns himself into a self improvement machine and he’s in the giving role. He’s leading. He’s making it very safe. So what is the woman’s role? So the word that they use I love this. Listen to this. The word that they use for kind of the best expression of love from the woman is that she expresses radiance, that she’s in a radiant state. And I thought I knew what a man, but I looked it up. What does radiant mean? It means. It’s emanating light. It’s shining light, it’s warm. And there’s some brilliance and beauty to it. So what does it mean for a woman to be in her radiant? It means that she’s number one in touch with her feelings. She’s able to express her feelings.

00:27:26:04 – 00:28:19:10
Brad Singletary
And when I say express her feelings, I don’t mean run rave about the story that happened last weekend that never got resolved. And she’s running through this list of complaints and she’s bitching at you. That’s not expressing feelings. Expressing feelings is knowing what they are first and then having the ability to articulate those feelings. Our emotional vocabulary is pretty limited. I mean, I have advanced training in this and I’ve even taught in the Graduate programs. And still and I talk about this all day long, every day. And still my own use of descriptors. Of emotion, you know, that’s it’s limited. And so it may take some time to kind of learn the difference between anger and frustration, to learn the difference and to understand what it is you feel and to be able to name it.

00:28:19:10 – 00:29:19:10
Brad Singletary
That’s part of your radiance that you’re in touch with, your feelings. You can express them. And it also kind of represents your just overall feminine like the feminine receptive energy you fully receive from your man. You submit to his leadership. Now, let me just talk about the word submission. This is not subservience. This submission only is valid, it’s only appropriate when there is devotion. And so when he’s not expressing devotion to her and she feels that there’s this trust and this love and this very reliable, stable energy, if he’s not expressing devotion, she’s not expressing radiance, she’s not a lot of fun. She’s not talking about her feelings. She’s talking about facts and figures and the complaints and the list that you didn’t do.

00:29:19:10 – 00:30:10:16
Brad Singletary
And she’s sending an email to your therapist and all those kind of things which upsets you. It’s demotivating. So the woman in her radiance, she’s willing to follow, submit to his leadership. And one of the points that they make over and over is that if a woman can’t be submissive, a masculine man is not going to want you because of polarity. If he’s if he’s masculine, if he’s got some mojo. If he has a healthy nontoxic, strong sense of masculinity, he isn’t going to want anything to do with you if you can’t be submissive and radiant dude. So, okay.

00:30:10:16 – 00:30:38:08
Brad Singletary
So on the surface. This looks all misogynistic. Okay? This is we’re saying the men should, the men are in charge. She just said, you know, kind of to sit pretty and sit there like the flower and let the B come to visit. Not exactly, but remember, we’re kind of talking about the reason that this stuff seems to work. And by the way, I have seen this applied in every everyone who’s tried to do these things.

00:30:38:08 – 00:31:29:11
Brad Singletary
This kind of creates an almost like erotic almost sort of spiritual feeling, because even though a woman doesn’t have to submit to her man, she can be independent. She doesn’t have to submit like that. But if she does, she’s going to feel a lot better. It’s going to feel very safe. It’s going to feel very secure. And if I had one common problem that women have, if you boil it all down, it’s they need to really feel a sense of security. So it’s not just about money and resources. It’s about emotional security. And that security is expressed through his devotion.

00:31:29:11 – 00:32:09:05
Brad Singletary
Which is the one word that describes the man leading with love anticipating her needs. He’s in the giving role. He’s a service oriented man, and he has so much respect that she wouldn’t dare turn him down. She wants to connect with this person who loves her so much because he’s doing his job. And she’s doing her job and they’re feeding each other. These guys kind of say if you’re in a polarized relationship, that’s healthy. There’s not going to be any divorce. There’s not going to be an unfulfilling sexual relationship.

00:32:09:05 – 00:33:18:05
Brad Singletary
Another one of the coaches here, I think his name is Jason McKee, but he talked about submission is and I’ll quote him, “The submission of the radiant woman, her submissiveness is exclusively reserved for devoted leadership. She does not submit to anything that’s bullshit. She doesn’t submit to anything that is abusive. She doesn’t submit to anything that makes her feel threatened or unsafe. And the reason that’s not going to happen is because he’s committed to showing her devotion and showing her love and loyalty. And he’s got calmness and he’s interested in her feelings. He wants to hear it. He’s leading her to that. And so she is happy to be submissive. That’s like a person if you’re in I don’t want to compare this to like a boss, you know, kind of an employee employer relationship. But if there is a leader in you do your best by your leader.

00:33:18:05 – 00:34:19:25
Brad Singletary
Your leader most often is also going to take care of you. And so I love one of the things one of these guys said. And maybe a YouTube video they said, ideally, everyone gets what they want in the relationship. So what do they typically want? You know, the woman wants to feel safe financially. She wants to know that everything’s going to be. Okay. So he’s taking care of business and what makes him take care of business because she is so radiant, she’s expressing beauty in everything. She’s soft. She can open with her feelings. I thought of a funny little visual that, you know, her getting into her feelings is kind of like she’s flashing her tits because she’s showing herself. She’s showing she’s exposing the soft stuff.

00:34:19:25 – 00:35:01:02
Brad Singletary
You know, those feelings that men are so afraid of? She cries. I see this all the time. She cries and the man shakes his head and he’s like, ‘Oh, great, here we go.’ You’re like, ‘This is a manipulation tactic.’ I know that emotion is like the psychological G-spot. You want to get there, you want to get her into her emotion. So if there’s a problem, there’s what would normally be a complaint. If she comes to you with a complaint, you’re going to listen to that and try to. But one of my one of my buddies use this analogy.

00:35:01:02 – 00:36:00:21
Brad Singletary
Derrick Johnson, one of the original founders of the Alpha Quorum. And he talked about, you know, listen to the music. Don’t listen to the lyrics and the lyrics, you know, that’s all the complaints and that’s all of the judgments and all of the expectation and all the bossy stuff that she’s telling you to do. That’s the lyrics. The music is the emotion that’s driving all that. The music is What is she feeling? So skip the words. We’re going we’re going instrumental here. And you want to just listen to the feeling and ask her to tell you what feeling is? What is the emotion behind this? Babe, what is it? What is this? What? Where is this coming from? How would you name the where is it in your body? Because I love you and I just want to sit with you. I want to understand this for a minute here with you.

00:36:00:21 – 00:36:04:06
Brad Singletary
And, you know, I don’t know how this works. If you’re just trying to decide on if this is pizza or pasta, I don’t know how you do that if if you have to use this model. But basically everyone understands that he’s the leader. And she is the supportive, soft, radiant one who equally shows her devotion in her own way. With her radiance, she expresses her emotion vulnerably. She receives him fully. She lives in her true self-worth. She knows her value. She knows her value. She does things that bring her peace. She doesn’t try to give him gifts. She lights up when he gives her gifts. She’s like purring with pleasure when he touches her.

00:37:01:10 – 00:38:00:10
Brad Singletary
And when she needs something, she asks for help. She doesn’t say, Open this pickle jar. Maybe, she says, ‘Can I have help opening this pickle jar? I’m unable to open this pickle jar’ if she’s seeking an outcome, if she’s got an agenda and she’s assigning him a list of things to do is going to frustrate it and so the point of this is not to make this easier for men. This is to make it easier for everybody. This what I’m talking about is going to work for all of you. The magic of this is that she is so receptive to him that he’s never unsatisfied, and that allows him to be so devoted to making her feel safe that he would never do anything, that she wouldn’t choose. Her submission ss her choice because of her respect for him.

00:38:00:10 – 00:38:37:01
Brad Singletary
I heard a lady are, two women recently and one was the lady’s husband plays several hours of video games at night. And I kind of said I probably jumped to a judgment on that, but I just kind of said, ‘wow, that’s a lot, you know, does that make you upset?’ And she says, ‘oh my gosh, no way. He works so hard for our family. Like he’s so devoted to our family that when that’s what he wants to do, I just know that’s what he needs. He does that and it is not at all because of it. Because of my respect for him. That’s not bothersome at all.’

00:38:37:01 – 00:39:32:27
Brad Singletary
Another lady was talking about her husband and she said, ‘You know, he is the man. My husband is the man.’ She was talking about his accomplishments, but she was really kind of saying. He takes care of us and because he takes care of us. And we were working on some other some parenting stuff with adult children that they had. But but their relationship, it was so good that she was able to just, you know, accept and respect him as the leader because he always took care of her. So I think this stuff is valuable because we’re taking a look at what doesn’t work. You’re taking a look at what works and what doesn’t work. And when I look at like when I have started, so let’s say that a couple they’ve been married, you know.

00:39:32:27 – 00:40:22:29
Brad Singletary
Let’s say 12 years or so and you’ve got like an inverted polarity. So she’s too often in her masculine. She tries to lead. Tell things how it’s going to go. This is what we’re doing. Oh, we’re buying. Look, we’re not using that toothbrush anymore. I threw your toothbrush away. And I bought you a new toothbrush that emasculated man, because you’ve taken away his ability to lead his own, to lead his own life. And that stuff is frustrating. If he doesn’t want you to throw his toothbrush and buy him a new toothbrush, unless he does, and then he asks you for it, and you gladly do that because he your tank is so full, he’s been so loving to you, and his devotion is unquestionable.

00:40:22:29 – 00:42:00:13
Brad Singletary
So you have this inverted polarity in a relationship. There have been together for 12 years. There. You know, she’s too often in the pushy, critical role she’s going drill sergeant and he’s just trying to get along, you know, “happy wife, happy life.” He’s just trying to be the nice guy and his life sucks. And he doesn’t feel much like a man because she’s the one with the, she’s that she’s got a big dick herself. She thinks she does. And so she respects him less and less. And she gets tougher and tougher on him, which makes him retreat further. Until someone comes along. Another woman who is high in her feminine energy, she comes this feminine woman, this new feminine woman comes and she receives him. She listens to him. She thinks that he’s great. She’s a big fan and it makes him feel so masculine. So I believe that one of the reasons that affairs happened and when I, when I look at any one where there ever was an affair that I’ve worked with professionally, I look at this and I say, they were inverted in the affair, partner switched it back.

00:42:00:13 – 00:43:03:22
Brad Singletary
You know, their affair partner put them back in their proper polarity. So the female who’s taking care of all the business she’s handling all the stuff, handling all the kids, paying all the bills, tracking everything, making everybody’s lunches. And she’s the boss of everything. She’s tired of living in masculine energy, being the one who’s you know, doing all the provision and so forth, all the providing and protecting. And so along comes a very masculine man who puts her into her feminine. And so because of his strength and he’s just the solid nature of what he brings, she is very receptive to that because now this is very attractive because she’s got a girly man at home who’s feminized and what’s the word, the emasculated.

00:43:03:22 – 00:43:43:26
Brad Singletary
And she doesn’t respect him and she definitely doesn’t want to have sex with him. So this man comes along and he helps her feel very feminine. He shows some kind of devotion to her which is what she really craves. I talked to a woman today and I asked her to scale on a scale of 1 to 10, the devotional level of her husband and I started describing what devotion means. She said, ‘The more you describe, the more the numbers go down. It was like a six, but I think it’s a two now.’

00:43:43:26 – 00:44:39:27
Brad Singletary
She doesn’t feel that devotion. So some man who is in a healthy sense of masculinity is going to come along and he’s going to lead this desperate woman into her feminine, into her emotions. And when she can sit comfortably in her emotions and she can be vulnerable. She’ll probably take your clothes off for this dude. And it feels so powerful. It feels so good. Why does it feel good? It’s because the rest of their life, the other relationship their primary relationship, their marriage or whatever is upside down and they feel like shit. Nobody’s happy. But this guy or this girl comes along. And that’s what I think courting is all about, sort of the courting rituals and so forth.

00:44:39:27 – 00:44:40:28
Brad Singletary
It kind of lends to this whole idea that the man should lead. But what we’re being taught and what’s and I don’t even want to get into political debate about this, but obviously this is going to fly in the face of what some of you may believe about gender roles. But I’m telling you, with 45 to 60 days of study that I’ve looked at, looked at this stuff, almost in all of my spare time. And when I’ve looked at the people that I’m working with, this is the language. I believethat I’m changing my entire practice. I want to I want to figure out how to work this into the stuff I’m trying to put together for the Alpha Quorum stuff, specifically for men.

00:45:32:02 – 00:46:36:02
Brad Singletary
But I think this is the problem in your relationship. He’s not leading. He’s scared of her because she’s in her masculine. She’s in she’s in toxic masculinity, the woman is in. She’s taking care of him and she’s anticipating his needs. She’s mothering him. She’s choosing what toothpaste he uses. She’s leading so much and it takes away his opportunity to lead. It takes away his opportunity to decide. It kind of silences him because he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful. For all the stuff that she’s doing. So he backs away, but she’s not very attracted to him because he’s not in his masculinity. He’s emasculated to the point where she’s not all that impressed. So he does not feel received by her. There’s no radiance.

00:46:36:02 – 00:47:47:17
Brad Singletary
She’s lost her little her little glow. She’s lost her softness. She’s lost her sensuality. She’s lost her smelling good. She doesn’t wear the jewelry anymore, doesn’t do her hair unless she’s going to the doctor. You know, the dentist, the man who’s probably in a masculine way. So she responds to that. So that’s what we’re doing in our relationships. We’re responding to each other and we’re creating in the other most of what you. It’s probably coming from you, not in your natural state of polarity. So I really believe that this stuff is super valuable. I want to just try to review this again about what do we do and what is the problem? What are we doing this wrong and what we need to do to fix it? Number one, she needs to soften. She needs to accept him as the leader.

00:47:47:17 – 00:49:05:01
Brad Singletary
She’s not pushing an agenda. She’s not telling him what to do. She’s not coming at him with the list, how she motivates him, what’s natural, what he can receive in a softer way. You know, when this woman is presented as emotion he’s wired to respond to feminine softness. He didn’t choose her for her brain. He chose her for her softness. And she didn’t choose him for his softness. She chose him for what she may be perceived as some strength. So we’re going to not frustrate each other not piss each other off and realize that some people need things. And some people were going to stir up problems if we don’t handle the person properly. And so men handle their woman properly by loving devoted leadership, by their by their devotion and their devotion means that they’re 100% committed.

00:49:05:01 – 00:50:03:17
Brad Singletary
They know this person so well. I heard a girl today she’s been married several years and her husband keeps trying to do all these things as gifts and as special occasions and so forth. And she just cries on the inside because he has not been listening to her. He has no idea that she doesn’t like that shit. So she’s just feels hurt. The the trip was nice but he has no idea what I really want. And so she, she doesn’t really trust that she knows he’s not listening. She knows he doesn’t really seem devoted. So that numbers two out of ten, well he complains about having not having enough sex. She’s not very open to him because it doesn’t really feel safe. ‘This person doesn’t really care about me very much. And I’m not drawn to that.’ He’s in an emasculated state.

00:50:03:17 – 00:51:22:18
Brad Singletary
He’s all in his feelings. He’s complaining, he’s whining. He doesn’t see himself as the leader. He gets flustered. He gets all in the words of Taco Mike “Tipped over”, he gets all tipped over by her feelings. He tries to argue with her feelings and refute what she’s saying instead of sitting there with it and really taking her deeper into her feelings. And he hears the complaints coming and he hears, you know, all the stuff that she’s just kind of firing away, maybe. And he says, ‘Babe, I hear what you’re saying, but I want to understand you. I want to understand what you’re feeling here. Tell me what emotion is this causing you or what emotion is stirring you to think this way? What’s happening for you?’ And if you can just sit there with it, if we can just let the process work very comfortably and safely and calmly, and she can get to that feeling and she can name it, she can say, this is what this is what’s going on with me.

00:51:22:18 – 00:52:23:20
Brad Singletary
That’s how you motivate a man. Don’t give him orders. Don’t give him complaints of problems. Don’t give him a set of chores to do. Don’t harass him. Don’t hound him. Don’t push him. Tell him how you feel in a soft way. Tell him. Express your emotion vulnerably ask for help. I’m really confused about what I found in your car. Can you help me with this? Really scared. This is how she might talk to him. I’m really confused. She doesn’t come accusing him of the receipt that she found. She didn’t say who the. Who is this? You know, what is this thing? What are you doing? What do you mean? Let me see your phone. That is totally jacked up. That is going to, that’s failure 100%.

00:52:23:20 – 00:53:34:10
Brad Singletary
So she doesn’t jump the gun. She is a grown ass woman. She doesn’t jump the gun. And she asks first because she’s not leading the meeting. She’s not running this little staff meeting. She’s saying, ‘Can I share some of my feelings?’ He says, ‘Yeah, sure. Go ahead.’ You know, if that’s a right, if that’s a good time, if it’s not a good time, then the leader sets another time. He says ‘Not right now is not good. We’re putting the kids to bed, whatever. Let’s do this later on.’ And then he follows up and he comes back to it when it’s a good time. So she says, I have some feelings. Can I share them? He says, Yes. And maybe she starts talking about the details of the stories and he says, No, no, that matters. Okay, but at first I just want to understand what you’re feeling. And it really is a shortcut. It’s a shortcut to the problem solving. If there’s a conflict or there’s a disagreement.

00:53:34:10 – 00:54:18:2
Brad Singletary
Or there’s something that she wants she should feel so safe in talking about that. But guess who’s not being vulnerable these days with their emotions? Guess who? Women. Women. They feel the emotion. They just don’t express it. Express is. Ex means out in press means to push. Express it. They’re pushing out feelings. They’re not expressing their emotion. They’re ranting and raving or they’re closed up, bottled up, not talking at all. And see, that’s when they’re in their masculine because they’re, they’re in self-protection mode.

00:54:18:21 – 00:55:05:29
Brad Singletary
I just think this is some of the most brilliant stuff ever. You know, you can listen to these guys, read their books, get to understand their concepts for exactly how they teach it. And some of it may not fit for you. You know, some of it may sound extreme or whatever. But I believe that a properly polarized relationship, when I’ve seen that happen, when I’ve watched these things, I’ve just, I’ve seen miracles happen in the last month by working with people on this stuff and the guy stops being a little bitch, he stops whining and he starts making decisions. And he starts making plans that are just killer plans. He’s he’s in his best state.

00:55:05:29 – 00:55:52:01
Brad Singletary
He’s in his Alpha thinking, his Alpha brain. He is performing with love in his heart. He’s a service oriented, devoted leader. This is not somebody who’s being being the boss and being oppressive. This is, that this is not that at all. It’s the opposite of that. But I just watch that Elvis movie. She looks to him like Priscilla Presley, looks at Elvis, looked at Elvis and well, how they portrayed it in the movie. She was such a fan. She was so impressed by him. She made him feel good and he felt like a stud when she was around. She was at all the shows and whatever.

00:55:52:01 – 00:56:59:02
Brad Singletary
Anyway, I don’t know what their story is, but so the feminine is soft and supportive and radiant. In her supportive, like loving receiving him, she receives him fully. She lets him lead her. She’s not resisting his leadership. If she doesn’t like something, she’s free to talk about that. But the most effective way of using her voice is by sharing it in emotional terms. And I’m saying that it’s a natural way for men to be motivated is by, you know, hearing the softness, you know. They’re seeing these, you know, emotional titties. And so they respond to that. They like it. They’re comfortable with that, they want that and they make her like that, too, because they make it real safe. So she’s exposed herself and he gets to work. That’s what pushes the mojo through his veins to go take care of business.

00:56:59:02 – 00:57:57:03
Brad Singletary
And then when he does it right, she she shows her joy. She shows her pleasure. She’s radiating with the love that he just put into her heart because he’s devoted to her heart. I think there’s something to this stuff. I appreciate you guys listening this far I am going to continue devour this and experiment with people. I think the only problem with it is learning how to kind of state this stuff to to two couples in the world that we live in where I mean, some people just ridicule this completely. But I think if men and women are honest,they will say women will say, I just wish she could take care of things.

00:57:57:03 – 00:58:45:03
Brad Singletary
I wish that he I knew that he had us that he that it was all going to be okay because of him and she’s saying it’s all okay because of me. We talk about the woman being the glue holding it together. Man, that’s that is the wrong place for her. She doesn’t want to do that. She does want to provide and protect. Women will say he that he doesn’t protect me, he doesn’t defend me. We can even be out in public and someone would be rude or disrespectful to me. And he doesn’t even say anything. He doesn’t protect me when the, you know, the in-law, the weird uncle or whatever. When he does that, we know he doesn’t he does not show his devotion.

00:58:45:03 – 00:59:39:14
Brad Singletary
I believe if women are honest, they feel safe when they’re led by a strong and capable and loving man. If that’s the kind of relationship they’re in, when she’s having to make the decisions and call the shots and earn all of the money. She doesn’t feel very safe. She doesn’t feel very secure. So she’s not open and he’s frustrated. Now he’s blaming her because they never have sex and in this stuff, just all works together. So if you’re a woman and you are in a inverted relationship, if you’re upside down, you’re not respecting him, you’re not appreciating him. You’re not believing 100% that it’s a privilege to to be with your man. Then maybe he’s not showing the kind of devotion that he should.

00:59:39:14 – 01:01:03:26
Brad Singletary
Maybe he’s got to change some things. Maybe he needs to provide better. Maybe he needs to be more protective. Maybe he’s got to serve and lead with love. But if he is doing those things in your failing to recognize that and you’re not receiving him you don’t believe that he has your best interests at heart. You’ve secretly got this list of complaints that you’re always kind of focused on, and you don’t receive him physically, sexually, intellectually, spiritually, then he’s not going to be very interested in who he is going to be interested in is the girl who takes an interest in what he’s doing. And the girl who is supportive and soft in her words, and the things that she says. Not the bitchy woman at home who never gives it up. But I get it. If you’re a woman who’s in that masculinized role, it’s probably not your fault. You probably did not choose to be such a tough ass person like that some of it came from hard knocks, some of it came from trauma.

01:01:03:26 – 01:01:55:26
Brad Singletary
Some of it came because of, yes, men have been oppressive and abusive and things have been kind of crazy and in the history of human beings. Yes. But I’m telling you right now that if you were a woman in a heterosexual relationship with an emasculated man and you’re trying to lead or you’re not tuned in or expressive with your feelings, you’re going to be unhappy until you can learn to turn that around. Or you’re going to have weak men who don’t show up for you. They don’t penetrate you. It’s amazing to me, you know, who’s complaining about sex these days. A lot of times women there. It just seems like, you know, women are complaining that the man he’d rather play his video game.

01:01:55:26 – 01:02:43:02
Brad Singletary
She’s trying to she’s in a teddy with the candles lit and rose petals on the bed and she got some new massage oil and he’d rather be playing a video game. That’s the kind of that’s the kind of men that I see all day long. They keep they. They’re not even interested and they get maybe they get some of their need for feminine out of like porn. Maybe they’re looking at porn because there’s no nothing feminine in you and again, you’re. Why are you that way? Because that’s how it happens. That’s how it happens. Almost everyone, if you’re in a relationship long enough and you’re not intentional about where you’re at.

01:02:43:02 – 01:03:38:09
Brad Singletary
If you’re not intentional about what role everyone plays. Think about jobs you’ve been in when the roles weren’t very well defined. And people, you know what, we’re stepping on each other’s toes are. There was duplication or there was inefficiency, ineffectiveness. When there’s a strong capable leader who’s leaving with loving, devoted leadership, it is much more likely that you’re going to have a soft and submissive, supportive, radius and feminine energy around you. And if you’re the soft, radiant, feminine energy who’s receiving your man fully, you can expect good from him. You should expect good things from him. That’s the only way that you can feel those radiant things.

01:03:38:09 – 01:04:49:15
Brad Singletary
That’s the only way that you can even be in that place, is because he’s inspiring it. If he’s not inspiring that and you’ve got all the radiance in the world, you know. So I suppose you could be in the wrong relationship. So I’m going to wrap this up here, you guys. I think this work is there is something very significant about it. I don’t claim to you know, I don’t I haven’t researched it a ton. I can just tell you that in my lived experience with couples. They come in here at the very end when they’re upside down, when they if there’s been an affair. It’s because the man was getting his ass kicked at home and the girl at work thought he was a stud. Or it’s the woman who’s taking care of all the business at home, and she’s in this masculine workhorse role. She gets around a masculine man at her job who makes her feel beautiful. He makes her feel like she can radiate. She she can be radiant. And so she does.

01:04:49:15 – 01:06:02:04
Brad Singletary
She opens like a flower and just let the be. Come. Come, come by. So if your relationship is failing, consider what I’m saying here. Consider if the woman is masculinized out of self-protection. Out of necessity throughout her life, out of how the man has treated her. For whatever reason she’s talking like a drill sergeant. Her man is not devoted to that. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want it. He’s probably looking elsewhere at the moment, and there’s an abundance of feminine energy out there. And when he’s ready to receive that, he is going to show devotion to that feminine energy. And if she needs masculine energy. And she doesn’t have that at home.

01:06:02:04 – 01:07:08:04
Brad Singletary
Someone’s going to come along and provide that. And the buzz that she feels from being placed back in her feminine, natural, feminine state, it’s going to feel so good. That’s what the attraction is. That’s what the addiction is. That’s the chemistry that keeps all that going. Think about that. If you’ve had an affair, someone in your relationship had an affair. It was depolarize. The whole relationship was depolarize and then they found some polarity in the affair partnership. Tell me a date. Tell me that’s not true. Send me your thoughts. I really need you to help me think this stuff out. Maybe you look into these guys information. I think one of my favorite things was Zak Roedde’s TikTok, because all the videos are like one one minute long.

01:07:08:04 – 01:07:38:07
Brad Singletary
So check this stuff out. I think it’s going to be valuable if you have an open heart, really evaluate your own relationship. I’m going to try to do some really good show notes on this so that we can maybe kind of produce maybe some even some written materials for you, like a PDF, you know, kind of a downloadable thing or, or maybe an assessment or something that you can answer some questions. Just kind of see where you might be on that gentleman until next time. No excuses. Alpha up.

01:07:39:08 – 01:07:50:16
Outro
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

Click your podcast platform below or listen to the embedded file on this page.

096: D*ICK PIC – Getting Real & Growing Up (with Colt Johnson)

096: D*ICK PIC – Getting Real & Growing Up (with Colt Johnson)

096: D*ICK PIC – Getting Real & Growing Up (with Colt Johnson)

“I’m a work in progress.” Reality TV Celeb Colt Johnson teaches some profoundly deep and surprisingly inspirational things about what he has learned as he has “examined himself” as part of TLC’s most popular franchise ever: 90 Day Fiance and its various spinoffs.

Colt shares the truth about who he is and some of the circumstances in his earlier life that have been difficult to manage. He has been loved and hated by millions of people around the globe. His life has been both messy *and televised for the past 5 years, and his life has been documented through an engagement and marriage, domestic violence, divorce, shallow rebound, affair, second engagement, second marriage, pregnancy, and miscarriage, all while living with his widowed mother.

But now he is thinking grown-ass-man shit. Where he is now is new and he shares the mature things he is trying to do to make his life meaningful.

Colt dropped out of homeschool in 5th grade. His over-protective mother and mostly-disengaged father did the best they could. In his early 20’s he walked into his dad’s apartment and found him dead. He has lived with his mother ever since. He has been ridiculed for his codependent relationship with his mom. He didn’t learn to drive until he was 28. He eventually graduated from the prestigious DigiPen with a bachelor’s degree in computer science and created software for Formula One, Indy Car and The Boeing Company, which awarded him the Boeing Performance Excellence Award in 2014.

He is currently trying to distance himself from destructive patterns and he shares never-before discussed details of his ongoing development as a man.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:07 – 00:00:21:28

Brad Singletary

He dropped out of home school in fifth grade. His overprotective mother and mostly disengaged father did the best they could. In his early twenties, he walked into his dad’s apartment and found him dead. He’s lived with his mother ever since, and he’s been ridiculed for his codependent relationship with his mom. He didn’t learn to drive until he was 28.

 

00:00:22:26 – 00:01:01:10

Brad Singletary

Eventually graduated from Digital Institute of Technology with a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science and went on to create software for Formula One, IndyCar and the Boeing Company, which awarded him the Boeing Performance Excellence Award in 2014. He took vulnerability to an extreme level by appearing on TLC, Discovery’s hit show 90 Day Fiance, and its various spin offs. He’s currently trying to distance himself from destructive patterns, and he shares with us some never before discussed details of his ongoing development as a man.

 

00:01:04:10 – 00:01:25:18

Intro

If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

00:01:28:24 – 00:01:48:03

Brad Singletary

Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here, super excited to have our guest today, who is a reality TV star. He’s done lots of good things in his life. Making all kinds of big moves right now will share more of the introduction. At another point here. But just want to give a warm welcome to Colt Johnson.

 

00:01:48:16 – 00:02:08:11

Brad Singletary

Hey, how you doing? Good, man. Good to see you. Always a pleasure. So we have a lot Vegas resident here with us who has done some really cool things out in the world of show business. I want to kind of dig into that a little bit and find out how you how that all came to be and what that whole thing has been like.

 

00:02:08:11 – 00:02:16:17

Brad Singletary

This has been several years that you’ve been involved, I think. And so just tell us so from the beginning, how did you get involved with television?

 

00:02:17:15 – 00:02:22:07

Colt Johnson

It’s funny you say Las Vegas resident. I still consider myself resident even though I’ve been here for like five years.

 

00:02:22:25 – 00:02:25:00

Brad Singletary

But it only been five. Oh, wow.

 

00:02:25:00 – 00:02:32:09

Colt Johnson

Okay, so I’m still kind of a newbie here, I guess, but. Okay, it’s weird. It’s been five years by season five. Very long, very long years.

 

00:02:32:09 – 00:02:33:12

Brad Singletary

Long, hot, years.

 

00:02:33:14 – 00:03:01:14

Colt Johnson

Long, hot years. Let me tell you about. So originally I’m from Seattle. Okay? At the time, I was engaged to a woman named Larissa who was from Brazil, right. And I was looking to move. So one of the places was Las Vegas. Another place was Nebraska, Omaha, Nebraska, for those out there wondering. So I asked Larissa what she rather live in Noma Omaha, Nebraska or Las Vegas, Nevada.

 

00:03:01:14 – 00:03:18:00

Colt Johnson

And she picked Vegas. So I took my mother and my cats and moved out to Vegas and rented a house and started work. And a few months later, my fiancee Larissa came out and joined me and well, I guess that was a show.

 

00:03:18:20 – 00:03:26:27

Brad Singletary

So that’s my question is, were you connected as part of that show or you knew her independently and you kind of joined the show or.

 

00:03:26:29 – 00:03:47:05

Colt Johnson

No, I was already engaged to Larissa. We were fans of the show. We watched it together. We were engaged like before we were even involved with it. Larissa was a fan of the show. She was like part of like fan groups on like social media. Okay. Right. And they had like production on the forums, you know, are kind of looking for potential, you know, cast members.

 

00:03:47:18 – 00:04:10:06

Colt Johnson

So apparently one of them emailed Larissa asking them, hey, would you be interested in Larissa? Like, you know, you know, hey, my name is Larissa, you know, showed off her life and what she’s doing, her story, you know, with or other fans or whatever. So basically I was just like a, I guess a cold email and Larissa asked me, we went back and forth and went a lot of back and forth actually with it.

 

00:04:10:28 – 00:04:17:23

Colt Johnson

No one wanted to do it. My mother didn’t want me part of it. Larissa didn’t want to do it. I was the only one that wanted to do it originally.

 

00:04:18:05 – 00:04:22:18

Brad Singletary

Okay, so she talks you into this thing. Women have a way of doing that stuff.

 

00:04:23:01 – 00:04:25:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah, she was nervous about it was.

 

00:04:25:10 – 00:04:27:24

Brad Singletary

Her idea, but she was scared of the cold feet.

 

00:04:27:26 – 00:04:41:20

Colt Johnson

Yeah, but she was getting cold feet, you know, because, you know, it’s very. You put yourself out there exposing yourself and everything, you know? And she has certain things that she didn’t want, you know, out. And me, I just, I don’t know, I’m boring. I just went to school and I work, you know, normal jobs.

 

00:04:42:04 – 00:04:45:20

Brad Singletary

So what year was that? That was that right? As you’re moving here five years ago.

 

00:04:45:21 – 00:05:01:10

Colt Johnson

So that was like 2017. So I moved here September 2017 originally. So this is probably like January, February, well, maybe like June or so of that year. We’re talking about this and talking about moving in and stuff and being involved with everything.

 

00:05:01:14 – 00:05:14:28

Brad Singletary

So this show is 90 Day Fiancé. That’s a TLC program for those who don’t know. And then so to talk about the development of that whole thing, the relationship, the show, the work on that itself, I mean, you’ve been through a.

 

00:05:15:14 – 00:05:16:06

Colt Johnson

I’ve been.

 

00:05:16:07 – 00:05:18:15

Brad Singletary

I’ve been through 30 years of stuff and five years.

 

00:05:18:19 – 00:05:33:26

Colt Johnson

I do feel like that. And I mean, can like I spent a lot of my teenage early twenties kind of not doing a whole lot, but in my thirties I really blossomed as I accelerated far beyond my capacity. So I’ve I’ve grown too much too far. I guess that’s why my hair salon right now.

 

00:05:34:28 – 00:05:38:28

Brad Singletary

So you moved to Vegas and you got started on the show?

 

00:05:38:28 – 00:05:55:26

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So moved to Vegas. Even when I moved to Vegas, we still weren’t sure about the show. We were going back and forth. We auditioned who did like a video conference, you know, before it was cool, you know, this is back in 2017. So we did that and then and we just thought it would be best for our relationship.

 

00:05:55:26 – 00:06:14:22

Colt Johnson

You know, we earn some money, you know, and we’ll just be boring, you know, be on a couple episodes and that’s it, you know, no big deal. So we, you know, we got it selected. We signed the contract and and then and I want to say in early 2018 is when we started filming and then it aired and the end of the year 2018.

 

00:06:15:15 – 00:06:33:20

Brad Singletary

So we call it reality TV. A lot of people are skeptical about that and they think this whole thing is staged and scripted and so forth. And you know, obviously with some things they have to plan it like, okay, we’re going to go here at this time so that people know to go there to start filming you walking into the place.

 

00:06:34:16 – 00:06:39:15

Brad Singletary

But other than that, the storylines basically, would you say that’s reality?

 

00:06:40:06 – 00:07:01:18

Colt Johnson

I mean, reality is subjective, to be sure, but okay, everything I did on television was real. I didn’t it was never pass the script or anything. There was no like, you know, intervention, no lines passed at all. You know, they just want to follow what’s true because what they want to really know, what they really want to capture is the emotion between people.

 

00:07:01:26 – 00:07:18:19

Colt Johnson

That’s what’s important. That’s the reality of everything. Now, you can come into this filming and pretend to be in a relationship. Pretend to have, you know, I taken this with other people or whatever, you know, I mean, we can maintain that. But in my experience, people that try that, they come off very fake and they’re not popular people.

 

00:07:18:19 – 00:07:30:00

Colt Johnson

They’re popular, they stick with. The fans are the ones that resonate with them. They hit an emotional chord and it’s hard to do that without generally displaying emotion, real emotion.

 

00:07:31:01 – 00:07:41:15

Brad Singletary

So what happened with Larissa? I know that you talked about the they wanted to capture the feelings or the emotions between people. It looks like from what I saw from those bits there, there was definitely some emotion.

 

00:07:41:23 – 00:08:00:25

Colt Johnson

Larissa and I were not capable at all. I was very much, you know, flattered by her looks and her personality, you know, and she tolerated me, you know, she wanted whatever to get out of her situation and I wanted to get out of my own. I guess I thought together we could work together, but we were just basically like complete opposites.

 

00:08:01:09 – 00:08:09:05

Colt Johnson

So then reflected a lot, both on television and in our personal life. Even when the cameras are off like things are crazier when the cameras are off and they were on.

 

00:08:09:06 – 00:08:10:07

Brad Singletary

Oh, I’m sure.

 

00:08:10:10 – 00:08:11:25

Colt Johnson

The cameras are there. Let me tell you.

 

00:08:12:02 – 00:08:13:08

Brad Singletary

You’ve got to keep it somewhat.

 

00:08:13:13 – 00:08:14:20

Colt Johnson

Like, you know.

 

00:08:14:27 – 00:08:16:03

Brad Singletary

Just the ball for.

 

00:08:16:08 – 00:08:46:15

Colt Johnson

Getting rid of her. But, you know, it also like it was a relationship I raced into. We didn’t have much in common, different language, you know. And then we were pretty much like when she first came to America, cameras were rolling like there was no and all the way until our divorce, really, the cameras were there. So it was we never really had a sense of a time like where we were together that we weren’t influenced by by that the pressure and nervousness from that.

 

00:08:47:11 – 00:09:02:13

Brad Singletary

So you said you guys weren’t compatible at all. She’s a hot little Brazilian. How did you even to begin with? I mean, because I guess I didn’t realize that this was part of the show and that she comes to you because you’re on TV. But this you started that together?

 

00:09:02:19 – 00:09:03:25

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah, we started together.

 

00:09:04:00 – 00:09:06:20

Brad Singletary

So how did you pull in these kind of chicks?

 

00:09:06:20 – 00:09:25:25

Colt Johnson

Oh, that goes back to all of the things. I was in Seattle and I was single at the time and I was browsing, you know, the dating apps. And I came across Brazilian and so I went on day with her, start talking with her. We didn’t really hit it off, but she was friends with Larissa, so she had endorsed me to Larissa.

 

00:09:25:25 – 00:09:26:11

Brad Singletary

Oh, gotcha.

 

00:09:26:11 – 00:09:29:28

Colt Johnson

Okay, so that’s how I met Larissa originally. And we started talking and.

 

00:09:30:15 – 00:09:30:26

Brad Singletary

I.

 

00:09:30:26 – 00:09:33:05

Colt Johnson

See, you know, the rest is television.

 

00:09:34:17 – 00:09:41:24

Brad Singletary

So what? Talk about that relationship a little bit, just how it unfolded, what happened, how long before it was done and whatever. And what were some of the.

 

00:09:42:06 – 00:10:03:21

Colt Johnson

Oh, with Larissa when we first started talking, she knew no English whatsoever. So we basically exchanged gifts, you know, animated pictures or games or whatever the kids call them now. And eventually she started learning English by herself, so she, you know, texting better, you know, would be easier to text or, you know, communicate that way versus, you know, of a voice.

 

00:10:03:26 – 00:10:23:09

Colt Johnson

Voice, you know, initially that was hard. So our relationship was just basically, you know, hanging out, playing games, kind of showing each other clips of things. And I was kind of very, very surface level, very much the very minimal level as you could possibly possible that. But then after a while, after a few months of doing that, I met her in person in Mexico.

 

00:10:23:12 – 00:10:32:14

Colt Johnson

We met in middle basically spent a few days together in person and even then there were telltale signs of our compatibility.

 

00:10:32:14 – 00:10:33:12

Brad Singletary

But oh boy.

 

00:10:33:13 – 00:10:54:16

Colt Johnson

Having Larissa there, you know, I just felt like in the world basically, you know, man of the world in this foreign land, with this foreign beauty. And and I felt like I felt great. And I just took this kind of, like, rush of, you know, feelings as as love or as things that weren’t real. Basically, it was just, like instantaneous feels, feelings of pleasure.

 

00:10:54:16 – 00:11:01:11

Colt Johnson

And I was mistaken that for, like, real long term emotional love wasn’t there. Fortunately.

 

00:11:02:18 – 00:11:25:18

Brad Singletary

That takes some maturity to be able to make that distinction between the chemistry and the passionate feelings that show up in the beginning, you know, new hot girl and whatever. And it’s the novelty of everything you’re saying that was mistaken for love in the beginning. You’ve learned maybe something about that, about love outside of that relationship, because you’ve moved on and carried on.

 

00:11:25:18 – 00:11:25:26

Brad Singletary

Yeah.

 

00:11:26:12 – 00:11:47:14

Colt Johnson

Yeah. My my perception of love has definitely changed. It’s evolved over the years. I mean, I’ve always chased it like like it was like my last breath of air is essentially this neediness, this thing that I never had. And it’s something that I’m still discovering to this point. I think it goes back to basically the dawn of myself and, you know, who’s there at the beginning, who loves you and you know why that is and such.

 

00:11:47:14 – 00:12:08:15

Colt Johnson

And I’ve always been kind of chasing he’s chasing that. But as I get older, you know, I replace that type of love, you know, as in love, affection, love, lusts, you know, physical love, you know, very primal, basic, basic love as you could possibly get, because that’s basically all I knew or could understand.

 

00:12:09:25 – 00:12:13:00

Brad Singletary

So five years ago, how old were you?

 

00:12:13:00 – 00:12:19:23

Colt Johnson

  1. Oh, I know. I’m. Why am I talking about so I was 34 or so. Yeah. Okay. Three, three.

 

00:12:20:09 – 00:12:20:16

Brad Singletary

Three.

 

00:12:20:25 – 00:12:21:21

Colt Johnson

Three, three, three, two.

 

00:12:22:04 – 00:12:28:01

Brad Singletary

All right. There was this. And had you had other relationships before? Were there major, big long term relationships?

 

00:12:28:01 – 00:12:53:00

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah. Surprisingly, my relationship with Larissa was one of my shorter relationships. Go figure. That one I, I had, I guess you would say three long term relationships before my, my wife for Larissa the longest was probably like four or five years and then three years and then two years. So I was married for one year, so this is going down.

 

00:12:53:05 – 00:13:07:00

Brad Singletary

So you get your life all out there on TV. I looked up one time, if the numbers wrong, help me if you know better. But I think I saw that that show, the viewership is like 30 million. The audience is about 30 million. People are watching this show.

 

00:13:07:03 – 00:13:17:16

Colt Johnson

Oh, I don’t know the numbers, but let me tell you, it’s an all of the world global AIDS translated in multiple languages and different platforms. And it’s been going on for many, many years.

 

00:13:18:26 – 00:13:42:11

Brad Singletary

So you get your whole life exposed in front of everyone in the world. We’re seeing, you know, fights on TV. We’re seeing arguments, we’re seeing drama and these things. And that’s kind of what that’s cool TV. But this is your real life. This is your actual day to day existence happening that’s in this intense way. Talk about how that all went to the end of the relationship.

 

00:13:42:11 – 00:13:42:25

Brad Singletary

What happened?

 

00:13:43:01 – 00:14:05:15

Colt Johnson

My marriage to Larissa, I mean, it reflected a lot in the show. We fought a lot we argued bicker doesn’t matter was about money and my mother myself you know there’s always points of tension, you know, in real life, you know, and the show reflected that that that’s that’s a big reason why we were popular, honestly, because it was all real is all very, very unfortunate.

 

00:14:05:15 – 00:14:28:29

Colt Johnson

It was a very dark time for me. I was very sad. I was going to a it was a very sad time for me. I moved, you know, I just moved from Washington. So I was in a new state, a new job. I didn’t particularly like the state or the job or anything, you know, and here’s a my fiancee who very much acted in this towards me and throughout my marriage.

 

00:14:28:29 – 00:14:54:29

Colt Johnson

And, you know, in a lot of ways, the show was there. Kind of the only thing that kept me really sane or kept me going or interested, kept me grounded because it was something that I look forward to, stuff that I could plan, you know, something the obviously I could actually plan together and look forward to and even though we fought, it was just I don’t know, it was just it was just something for us to bond over.

 

00:14:55:19 – 00:15:16:17

Brad Singletary

There was some excitement there. There’s some attention involved with that. I can imagine, you know, what happens on social media. And, you know, you’re you’re in all the magazine, you know, everywhere where fans of these types of shows are you’re right in the middle of it. Your pictures there, there’s video clips, there’s YouTube, there’s all this just exposure.

 

00:15:16:21 – 00:15:23:09

Brad Singletary

And I had to feel good to be maybe seen. And even if some of what was being seen wasn’t your best.

 

00:15:23:22 – 00:15:51:27

Colt Johnson

I remember the first like me and my saw, I was like, What the heck is that? It’s just ridiculous. It’s like, curse answer or something about or just that’s crazy. I just never thought that would ever be a thing. And, you know, and then over time, you know, it was funny. And then it became kind of a I remember Larissa was very public during our fights, you know, during the end of our marriage, we’d fight a lot and she’d go to, you know, live streaming and broadcast, you know, her grievances with me, whether, you know, privately or in front of me, basically.

 

00:15:51:27 – 00:16:12:27

Colt Johnson

And that ran into a lot of problems with like the show because we were filming this time. So we can’t spoil anything. So we fight about that as well. So it’s like it just became like this or Boris of, you know, problems of like ten points of tension, problems arguing. And it just it just didn’t stop, essentially. And the ended just it blew up.

 

00:16:12:27 – 00:16:35:25

Colt Johnson

And then, like, I remember I second or so this is Larissa’s second arrest and she was broadcasting on live and everything and people were like, you know, commenting, you know, it was it was it was a crazy thing. You know, people were calling my cell phone. If I finding my number, you know, they were calling the police, they’re calling whoever they could because they thought it was just it was it was beyond myself.

 

00:16:35:25 – 00:16:46:22

Colt Johnson

It wasn’t just me having an argument with my fiancee. I was like me against the world at this point because of the show, because of because we were on television show.

 

00:16:47:24 – 00:16:50:08

Brad Singletary

You didn’t mean for that part to happen. That wasn’t the.

 

00:16:50:15 – 00:16:50:29

Colt Johnson

No, this is.

 

00:16:51:06 – 00:16:51:22

Brad Singletary

The cameras.

 

00:16:51:22 – 00:17:08:14

Colt Johnson

Were in there. This is the best part. That’s what I’m talking about. Right. Like they were taking the weekend off and this was just a Saturday morning for us know. And the cops eventually called, I don’t know, a fan or something. And they found our address and they busted in the front door with a guns drawn. Oh, wow.

 

00:17:08:14 – 00:17:29:17

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And they pulled my ass out because, you know, and then they’re ready to haul me all my ass in the paddy wagon. But when they found Larissa, they they’re interviewing both of us back and forth, and and they arrested her, but it was just like, you know, and the whole all that was escalated because of, like, the tension from the show, because of the fans, because of Larissa.

 

00:17:29:17 – 00:17:53:20

Colt Johnson

During all that, it was just there’s a lot of points of tension that I would say my marriage definitely hyper accelerated to its final conclusion. You know, like over there, over the cliff, the railroad tracks burning over the cliff like it just was far to it would happen anyway, whether it was a year which, you know, I was married for like six months, you know.

 

00:17:53:26 – 00:18:00:25

Colt Johnson

So if it wasn’t for the show, I think I would have maybe took six years. Who knows? But it would have ended. Probably, unfortunately.

 

00:18:02:03 – 00:18:05:00

Brad Singletary

Glad it did not. It ended.

 

00:18:06:00 – 00:18:20:09

Colt Johnson

I mean, I’m I’m not glad it ended. I mean, I unfortunately, you know, things happen. We weren’t compatible. I mean, it’s a good thing I’m glad I learned we weren’t compatible and I was able to move on from it.

 

00:18:20:12 – 00:18:21:18

Brad Singletary

Okay, that makes sense.

 

00:18:22:10 – 00:18:29:06

Colt Johnson

Unfortunately, I wish I could have saw that before I got married, but I guess that was kind of like the learning blocks I had to go to to learn.

 

00:18:30:11 – 00:18:34:29

Brad Singletary

So after Larissa, the show thought, They’ve got to star here.

 

00:18:34:29 – 00:18:35:29

Colt Johnson

After last year.

 

00:18:36:02 – 00:18:42:19

Brad Singletary

They got this guy. So then you proceeded and then there was another relationship at some point to talk about that.

 

00:18:42:22 – 00:19:04:25

Colt Johnson

So after Larissa and I separated, she moved on and started dating someone else. And then I. I started dating someone else, you know, I just. So this woman was visiting from out of town, and the man was in Las Vegas, and we just kind of hit off a little here off, you know, you know, she’s younger and, you know, I was single again.

 

00:19:04:25 – 00:19:12:03

Colt Johnson

You know, we hit it off in the sense of like she likes to drink and, you know, I like to have fun with a girl that the single okay.

 

00:19:12:03 – 00:19:15:01

Brad Singletary

And so that turned into something quickly too. I mean yeah.

 

00:19:15:02 – 00:19:34:05

Colt Johnson

So that that as soon as that we were like relationship, I mean it wasn’t even like we were in a relationship, it was more just like we met and then we were, I was attracted to her and hit it off and I told, you know, production that because they always kind of curious of, you know, what’s new, what’s, you know, what do you be doing?

 

00:19:34:17 – 00:19:54:28

Colt Johnson

So, you know, and I was I told them, oh, I’m dating a a new Brazilian, essentially a younger Brazilian. And then they they liked that idea for some reason. So they followed my ex-wife and, and myself independently or going to our divorce at the time. So she was dating her boyfriend and I was dating my girlfriend.

 

00:19:56:14 – 00:20:02:07

Brad Singletary

Okay. And then and then what happened from there? Where did that take you from there to your current?

 

00:20:02:26 – 00:20:23:03

Colt Johnson

Well, that that was just kind of the start of a split of my whole other life. I guess in a lot of ways. My my marriage with Larissa was the Prolog, which I never thought that would be. But after that, I felt, you know, I got some kind of, you know, sense of, you know, chip on my shoulder a little bit, you know?

 

00:20:23:03 – 00:20:43:00

Colt Johnson

You know, I felt kind of good about myself. I was on TV, you know, I had a lot of attention from other people. And I never I never had that before, obviously, not to that extent, you know. Right. And I still wanted to be a good person, but I still wanted affection. And there’s always I guess I’m just I grew up as very selfish, you know, the only child.

 

00:20:43:00 – 00:21:03:05

Colt Johnson

So, like, you know, I had a girlfriend, but my girlfriend was like long distance or there’s always these things. I just want more. More, more. So and I was me, I was just like, I would accept love at whatever the costs. Like, doesn’t matter if I felt bad or if I felt like, you know, whatever exceptional I was, I felt I was receiving a love that was okay.

 

00:21:03:05 – 00:21:24:27

Colt Johnson

So there was a lot of relationship I had you in love with with the Brazilian that it just affected me. It was just like I just wanted to feel something I really love, you know, whether I’d take a drink or or do some kind of, you know, drug or whatever, it’s just I’m always chasing that feeling. And so that’s what happened after my divorce.

 

00:21:24:27 – 00:21:43:00

Colt Johnson

I just wanted to feel love because I was very much and there’s deficits, deficit of love. I just felt like I needed to feel happy, joy, you know? So I took that for loss. I took it for drinking. I took it for all that earthly pleasure desires. And this woman represented a lot of that. So that’s kind of what I fell into.

 

00:21:43:17 – 00:22:09:28

Colt Johnson

So that already was a bad state of mind, you know, and then that makes it my newfound celebrity. Um, you know, I was talking to a bunch of girls, you know, they’d send me a bunch of pictures, inappropriate imagery, you know? And I returned the favor, you know, I was gentleman like that, I guess, you know. And even so, I had a friend at the time who she was a fan of the show.

 

00:22:10:04 – 00:22:31:10

Colt Johnson

We she was local in Vegas. I’m and then we start talking and I can really confide in her a lot during my marriage. So Risa you just kind of my only outlet a lot of the time. So she never went away from Larissa, but she never was never interested in me. And she was married, so, like, she didn’t want the hopes to, you know, to get with her.

 

00:22:31:18 – 00:22:51:14

Colt Johnson

Even though I would love to. I would tell you. Right. I would have totally loved that. But so basically I had I wanted more than her and she always kind of turned me down. So here comes this young, hot Brazilian that likes to do all these earthly pleasures and wants to be on television with me. So why would I do that?

 

00:22:51:14 – 00:23:10:09

Colt Johnson

And since I knew it was kind of a fluff thing, you know, it, you know, I just I didn’t really care about everything. I didn’t really care anything at that point in my life. I kind of hit rock bottom, right? And my marriage was over. You know, I felt crappy. You know, I felt like no one really loved me at all.

 

00:23:10:14 – 00:23:12:14

Colt Johnson

So I was like, Well, I don’t really love anybody.

 

00:23:12:14 – 00:23:23:15

Brad Singletary

Then you talk about hitting rock bottom, but you’re that’s when your popularity and your, you know, being known around the world, that’s when that’s sharply growing.

 

00:23:23:20 – 00:23:27:11

Colt Johnson

It wasn’t even the rock bottom that was just that thought that I thought that was rock bottom.

 

00:23:27:11 – 00:23:30:01

Brad Singletary

Oh, you just felt it at the time I’m here, man. Yeah.

 

00:23:30:22 – 00:23:58:21

Colt Johnson

Eager for so much, so much more in life. Okay, you know, so you keep going in this like I don’t fuck it type of attitude in life and my relationship to this woman. In all honesty, it only lasted like I only saw her total grand total maybe like 12 days in person. So we have like a long distance for like three or four months, but it wasn’t a big thing on my side and I guess I never really kind of portrayed that tension.

 

00:23:58:21 – 00:24:25:15

Colt Johnson

I don’t I don’t understand. I think we both had ill intentions, but I can’t speak for her. But at the end of the day, I just kept going, growing like the snowball. Right? It just kept going bigger and bigger down this hill. And I just, you know, I’d been drinking more, smoking maybe more or just doing bad things, hanging out with bad women, you know, to some extent, you know, this is, you know, I would hang out with or just talk to people that I just there’s just nothing there.

 

00:24:25:15 – 00:24:38:27

Colt Johnson

Just hollow experience just because I just wanted to to feel something. So I talk to more women. They send me more pictures. I send more pictures, some videos, I send them videos. So a lot of my inappropriate imagery was like, you know, you.

 

00:24:38:27 – 00:24:40:10

Brad Singletary

Get your junk out there, too.

 

00:24:40:19 – 00:24:58:00

Colt Johnson

There’s like a collection series, I would say, you know, there’s about 12 or 14 good videos you’re into today. I shit. You know, you go on social media, you know, they still talk about the clips, you know, they trade them like they’re collecting cards and I get collect them all. I guess.

 

00:24:58:11 – 00:24:59:03

Brad Singletary

That’s funny.

 

00:24:59:21 – 00:25:16:16

Colt Johnson

I can laugh about it now, but I remember when that first happened, it was a big, you know, it was all the social media, you know, it was just I was like devastated, you know? I mean, people like saying, oh, how he’s disgusting. Why? Why would he send these to the poor people? And like, well, they were sending me stuff, too, you know?

 

00:25:16:16 – 00:25:37:15

Colt Johnson

So, I mean, and, you know, it’s just so it was like I have this bad public opinion. I have myself exposed in this very, you know, the barest way possible. You know, people are making fun of me always. Of course. I was going to say all you have I can seven is seven foot log in your fucking pants or whatever.

 

00:25:37:15 – 00:25:44:20

Colt Johnson

Right. But you know, and it’s just a lot of people can read shit online that could destroy their mind. Right. You know, if you’re careful, I.

 

00:25:44:20 – 00:25:47:03

Brad Singletary

Can’t imagine what kind of things have been sent to you.

 

00:25:47:03 – 00:26:06:28

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I mean, you dig far enough, you can read the worst comments forever about yourself and you just. Yeah, I mean, you have two choices. You could take that and really hold that inside of yourself or just look and walk away, you know? And I’ve seen people most people, unfortunately, take it and they still they have to keep looking.

 

00:26:06:28 – 00:26:17:16

Colt Johnson

They can’t they can’t not look away. It’s like it’s like they’re the hands or the eyes are glued to their screen and they have to know what, why, why they’re not love. And and it just becomes this obsession.

 

00:26:17:28 – 00:26:28:02

Brad Singletary

Was the opposite true as well, though, that you get a lot of comments were there was there are a lot of loving supportive where the people saying you go you know it was it that was there positive things.

 

00:26:28:02 – 00:26:45:08

Colt Johnson

Or oh yeah, I definitely have my fan base. Let me tell you, I got my fans that love me and support me and wish me the best and you know, and whatever I do, you know, I’ve had a lot of fans tell me like, oh, you know, they have family members ask if they have more Colton like more shows or me and stuff.

 

00:26:45:08 – 00:27:05:05

Colt Johnson

And I’m not 90 days specifically. So, you know, if I meet people, you know in real life or whatever, they’re always very happy. And one person and I had one person cry. It was their birthday. We’re at a restaurant and they were they were a little drunk, but but they were crying, bawling tears like they just met, like the pope or something.

 

00:27:05:23 – 00:27:11:05

Colt Johnson

And it was just I was with my wife and we were just. We just want burritos.

 

00:27:12:07 – 00:27:14:03

Brad Singletary

You get recognized all over the place to people.

 

00:27:14:03 – 00:27:36:11

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Even today, a surprisingly I really mean more if like, I’m on something that’s on television currently airing. But you know, it depends, you know, more, you know, demographic, more observant, you know, more popular and other demos, other cities, you know, other places, you know, places like Walmart, you get recognized more than maybe know other places where I am for.

 

00:27:36:14 – 00:27:59:14

Colt Johnson

But yeah, I love my fans. Always been very nice. They’ve always been, you know, very cool. And, you know, it actually I’ve had some really, really nice experiences, like people, very nice messages saying, you know, they’re feeling bad about their lives or whatever, but they can watch what I did and relate or feel better about themselves or or bring them some sort of happiness or joy, you know?

 

00:27:59:14 – 00:28:15:03

Colt Johnson

And, you know, when you think about it, at the time when I was filming this, like my divorce with Larissa, I was crying and miserable, like I said, one of the darkest times in my life. But, you know, is also very funny to a lot of people. And looking back now, I’m like, Yeah, that’s very funny because I have that disconnection now.

 

00:28:15:03 – 00:28:15:29

Brad Singletary

Right, right.

 

00:28:16:01 – 00:28:33:22

Colt Johnson

So like, people will actually appreciate that. And it’s something that, you know, people like you bring out a lot. You know, most people get a lot into it. So make someone that feel emotion, a good emotion, a good emotion, a positive, happy experience, even if it’s watching a video clip like that, that really means a lot to me.

 

00:28:33:25 – 00:28:42:17

Brad Singletary

Yeah. So after the second girl, you had this friend that was, you know, kind of on deck, she wasn’t that interested. You tried to make something happen with her?

 

00:28:42:21 – 00:29:10:25

Colt Johnson

Yes. Then. Well, well, so is this friend. I we she divorced her husband finally, but she still didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. So I’m like, well, I got rid of the guy. You still don’t want me. I’m so I’m like, you know, like, hum, she’s like an onion. How many layers I have to peel that to get to her, you know, but so, but after her divorce or towards the end, I guess we start become physical.

 

00:29:11:11 – 00:29:35:07

Colt Johnson

Okay. Having affair physical. I was definitely emotional before, but so we started sleeping together and this is when I was with my girlfriend at the time, my long distance Brazilian girlfriend. So, you know, this is a whole like downward down world, you know, spirals at the vortex of despair, right? Going down worse and worse into being more and more of a degenerate, I guess, you know, bad behavior.

 

00:29:35:28 – 00:29:58:03

Colt Johnson

And I kept that from my girlfriend. And and it was just I wasn’t doing anything good. I wasn’t I had no morals, no sense of ethics. I wasn’t standing tall for anything. You know, that’s the problem. Back then, I, I was just going wave. I was looking for love and using my dick as a fucking pointing. Pointing, Roland.

 

00:29:58:04 – 00:30:00:01

Brad Singletary

Basically, yeah. Show me where. Yeah.

 

00:30:00:18 – 00:30:04:05

Colt Johnson

Show me that it’s a confess. Show me where love is okay.

 

00:30:04:09 – 00:30:08:24

Brad Singletary

Head north so was a different though with this was a different with this.

 

00:30:09:07 – 00:30:35:14

Colt Johnson

Yeah so my wife should know what spoilers I guess but so this friend we became close but we bonded over trauma. Right. Okay. I let out a lot of my emotional waste from my marriage to Larissa to this friend, and we bonded over that. She she has this kind of like, nursing, motherly, you know.

 

00:30:35:14 – 00:30:36:07

Brad Singletary

Caretaker.

 

00:30:36:07 – 00:31:02:04

Colt Johnson

Caretaker type of personality, right? So she felt this type of love or this bond over me for that. So I gave her a lot of attention that her husband and give her. Right. So emotional attention. I was good at that. Let me tell you, when we never found me attractive so much physically but emotionally, I gave it all attention and I was very attentive and, you know, and that that really created a sense of bonding between us.

 

00:31:02:23 – 00:31:27:14

Colt Johnson

But as much as we had this bonding, I wanted more, you know, I wanted to her to be my girlfriend. I wanted to go on a date with her, wanting to kiss her. Why? To sleep with her. But she didn’t want to do that. So I started talking to other girls and then she found out about this. And then she kind of didn’t have trust anymore with me because she thought she was the only one that confided in and the only one that that was there for me.

 

00:31:27:14 – 00:31:59:14

Colt Johnson

And she was she was. But there I was talking to other people because I didn’t know what would happen next, you know, and she was married. So but this this started this sense. So because she had this like this sense of like, oh, he’s he’s this, like, perfect little person, like, you know, and I broke that. And that’s something that over time has grown, you know, like, so now by Kira’s girlfriend, I’m sleeping with with my friend Vanessa, and I’m hiding it from my girlfriend.

 

00:31:59:14 – 00:32:21:16

Colt Johnson

Long distance girlfriend. Mm hmm. And I’m asking her not to tell her and all this stuff. So I’m even telling her, hey, you know, I’m not a good boyfriend, you know, lie lie to my girlfriend for me or don’t tell her or whatever. So I’m teaching her that you should not date me. So even so, there’s a rift that initially was, you know, a crack is now grown at this stage.

 

00:32:21:28 – 00:32:44:27

Colt Johnson

So but we still have we still are in relationship. We still grow. You know, we still we become more physical or whatever. And eventually the my long distance girl and I, we break up came end of a season. We broke up, you know, whatever. But I still wanted Vanessa, you know, and we, we but even though we sleep together more and more, she’s living with me to my mom and I.

 

00:32:44:27 – 00:32:49:09

Colt Johnson

She, she living in our spare bedroom. She’s paying rent and everything, but.

 

00:32:49:17 – 00:32:49:28

Brad Singletary

Right.

 

00:32:50:08 – 00:33:11:26

Colt Johnson

But she still had this distance, you know, she was single now, so she was going on dates herself. You know, she was exploring. She didn’t want to be tied down in another relationship. But me being selfish, I was like, Well, hey, now you’re free and I’m free. Let’s, let’s do it. But she wasn’t ready. But me being selfish, I kept chasing Eric kept trying to, you know, I guess they call it love bombing an emotional bombing or some shit now, whatever.

 

00:33:11:26 – 00:33:16:07

Colt Johnson

But, you know, that’s just being attentive. Back in my day.

 

00:33:16:20 – 00:33:22:25

Brad Singletary

What was your what did you find so different about her? What made you want to hang on for so long and pursue her for so long?

 

00:33:23:01 – 00:33:43:21

Colt Johnson

Well, she’s definitely my Moby-Dick, I guess. You know, she we didn’t I mean, just kiss her for, like, so long, and our relationship was kissing her, you know, I was like, like, the biggest experience, you know, months in the making and then sleeping with her, you know, that was like once more so. And then, I don’t know, as just as bond.

 

00:33:44:03 – 00:34:02:15

Colt Johnson

I mean, now, you know, now who I am. Now I could tell you what it is more clearly. And then I could then, you know, but I believe now it was like I said, it was this nursing thing, like this motherly love. Okay, so I must I think that was a love. I really resonated with more than anything else.

 

00:34:03:09 – 00:34:33:13

Colt Johnson

And it was this caring patient kind of like like a warm blanket love, you know, kind of wrap yourself around it. And I never felt that before ever that not even, you know, from anybody. So that was something I just it just never went away by. Over time in my pursuit of her, I really sullied the water a lot in that love, that that warm love really kind of became this really raggedy, dirty, soiled blanket.

 

00:34:34:05 – 00:34:39:02

Colt Johnson

It’s still a blanket. It still kind of warms you, but it’s definitely not there.

 

00:34:39:02 – 00:34:40:04

Brad Singletary

What’s happened?

 

00:34:40:29 – 00:35:10:00

Colt Johnson

Well, you know, so eventually her and I, we we became I mean, it’s weird because the show and I the show and my relationships kind of remembered each other, right? I was married or divorced, my rebound, all of that. And then it followed my kind of affair with that. And then that to my eventual relationship was with her and then my marriage with was wifey number two.

 

00:35:10:00 – 00:35:40:07

Colt Johnson

Vanessa So, but it’s like it was like we didn’t get together because we wanted to. We just got together because we were there and just I felt like it was the next thing to do. I mean, if you ask her now, she’ll say, I forced her into it. Right. I think she would like I do believe that that my wife thinks that she forced into a lot of things.

 

00:35:41:03 – 00:35:53:22

Brad Singletary

What made her hang on to you so tight? Because she was there. She didn’t want to be, you know, romantically with you to begin with, wherever. Obviously, she’s married at the time. But what did she see in you that was that she loved or appreciated?

 

00:35:54:00 – 00:36:13:27

Colt Johnson

I mean, initially, I think it was she saw this like pure, innocent soul that you help this little baby bird, you know. And then I think I don’t know if she just wanted to recapture that or I don’t know. I was her only friend for a long time as well. Like, she’s kind of she doesn’t she’s not really a social body.

 

00:36:13:27 – 00:36:34:15

Colt Johnson

So we definitely bonded over stuff and we just we just kept holding on to that for whatever. And things just kept going and going and going. Like I said, like, you know, my divorce, my rebound, filming her divorce, you know, it just it wasn’t any time to really think about our relationship, like, why are we here? Why do we like each other?

 

00:36:34:25 – 00:36:55:29

Colt Johnson

Like, do we have plans where our plans, you know, I mean, I was still living, you know, living with my mother, you know, like throughout this whole process as well. So I have a plans to like live with Vanessa, my or anybody. I have plans to really do anything with anybody. I just thought moving girl and the rest would be happily ever after.

 

00:36:56:24 – 00:37:11:12

Brad Singletary

So I want to talk later more after we get kind of your story out there on the table. But what’s what was your mom’s role in the development of your relationship or your marriage now? I mean, what’s what’s been her.

 

00:37:11:28 – 00:37:36:06

Colt Johnson

My mother’s always been in my life, whether I was first day elementary school or last a graduation in college, my marriage or every day between every second in between. Really, she just I was kind of there. And she’s she’s always been there. She’s been very helpful. She’s always been very dotty and over me, I guess they call them helicopter moms to some degree.

 

00:37:36:07 – 00:38:04:12

Colt Johnson

But it’s hard as an adult being adult, living with your parent. Definitely it’s impossible because your parent, at least from my experience, my parent, they always want to feel this higher functionality over you. You know, it’s how they I don’t know if it’s just something that, you know, they grow into or whatever. But my mother, especially, I feel like she exists in this personality of higher functioning.

 

00:38:04:12 – 00:38:30:10

Colt Johnson

So for us to coexist together in the same environment, she has to feel better about herself. And so there are ways the best way basically, you know, the way she cooks you planes always you know, I’m I am the son the boy the boy don’t know too good so and that’s reflected on to the marriage. I mean, if I’m living with my wife or whoever, the way my mother treats me, I mean, it just puts me in my space.

 

00:38:30:10 – 00:38:46:09

Colt Johnson

And my wife’s asking me, like, you know, well, one, you know, I want to do that, you know, so she can’t she gets denied that pleasure. And then to Cherie thinks is viewed as a as a piece or or thing. You know, she I think of you as equal and.

 

00:38:46:29 – 00:38:50:01

Brad Singletary

Sees use this inferior weaker person or something.

 

00:38:50:01 – 00:38:50:25

Colt Johnson

And yeah.

 

00:38:51:14 – 00:38:54:22

Brad Singletary

This is the dynamic between you and your mom and your lived together at the time.

 

00:38:54:22 – 00:39:06:13

Colt Johnson

Yeah, we lived together. I live my mother my entire life. I mean, there’s little spots here and there that I did and but, you know, it just never it never occurred to my mother to not live with me. I mean, I especially after my father died.

 

00:39:06:17 – 00:39:19:16

Brad Singletary

Okay. So that’s I’m curious about what went into that. I mean, as a young adult, where most people are parting ways with their parents and doing their own thing and whatever, what what was different about your journey there?

 

00:39:19:19 – 00:39:39:04

Colt Johnson

Well, there are a lot of things in my life that kind of derailed me. Well, when I so originally I lived well. So when I was five, I lived in Sacramento, California. I went to school there until I was ten. We moved to Seattle, Washington area. But when I moved there, I didn’t really jive with the school so much.

 

00:39:39:28 – 00:39:50:20

Colt Johnson

So I basically I was home schooled, so I didn’t finish elementary school at all. If you look at some degrees, I’m actually an elementary school dropout.

 

00:39:51:08 – 00:39:51:28

Brad Singletary

Wow.

 

00:39:51:28 – 00:39:59:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I had fifth grade. I didn’t finish the fifth grade, technically. So. And this is back, you know, like all of my.

 

00:39:59:19 – 00:40:01:23

Brad Singletary

1990, 1990.

 

00:40:01:23 – 00:40:26:06

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Ninth. Yeah. It really nice. 795. Right. So like this is like before the everyone had internet even like this is before AOL, right? Even right. You got mail? Nope. But so, you know, my mother tried, you know, she went to the, you know, back then home school connection and drive to people that had, you know, supplies, resources, good textbooks, online stuff.

 

00:40:26:06 – 00:40:56:20

Colt Johnson

And she kind of helped me, my teacher, more or less for that, you know. But she wasn’t the most academic person, you know, I don’t know her own academic background, you know, I don’t know exactly what she accomplished in life but teaching that just wasn’t something that she was particularly great at. So my interest in that varied over the years and so more or less just kind of taught myself things, you know, eventually I did get a computer, I got AOL finally, thank God.

 

00:40:57:07 – 00:41:16:22

Colt Johnson

And I just kind of spent most of my early years on the Internet just blocking off playing games and never went back to school at all. Eventually, I got my GED and then I got my shit together and went to school. But that was in my twenties, early twenties, teens and everything.

 

00:41:16:24 – 00:41:25:23

Brad Singletary

So you dropped out of fifth grade? Yeah. And what? Why was I’m curious, why were you being taught at home? What was the thought about that at that point? Well.

 

00:41:26:02 – 00:41:43:13

Colt Johnson

The I was trying to get my mother was trying to get me into the next class because I was actually ahead or not. I was actually so I was bored and and I just didn’t I didn’t bond well with other kids. I mean, looking back, it should just been like, you know, deal with it, you know, I’ll just it’ll get better.

 

00:41:43:27 – 00:42:03:04

Colt Johnson

But my mother, you know, just for whatever reason, you know, didn’t like me crying, couldn’t you know, whatever people you like, they want to help you, you know, they make decisions. So and this is a thing that was going on for a couple of weeks and it’s back and forth and just I guess because it would have pushed me into the next great like middle school.

 

00:42:03:04 – 00:42:10:07

Colt Johnson

So they didn’t want to do that. So my mother said, Well, if you’re not going to push them into the next grade, I’ll take them and train him myself.

 

00:42:10:18 – 00:42:12:12

Brad Singletary

Was your dad around at this point or what?

 

00:42:12:13 – 00:42:35:26

Colt Johnson

Yeah, so my dad was around. But so this this is a thing that I didn’t learn about until more recently in my life, when my dad was very much a passive or so in his own life, especially in relationships as well as like just raising me in general, like my mother in Hammer’s file a lot about me specifically and their own problems.

 

00:42:35:26 – 00:42:41:12

Colt Johnson

But you know, I was definitely used as a weapon during their the proxy wars.

 

00:42:41:21 – 00:42:42:26

Brad Singletary

Tug of war type of thing.

 

00:42:43:02 – 00:42:43:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

00:42:43:15 – 00:42:47:23

Brad Singletary

When you say he was passive with you, does that mean just not as involved or what all do you mean?

 

00:42:47:23 – 00:43:11:21

Colt Johnson

Like also check this shit out. My father. So my father was primarily raised by his mother. Okay, so my my, my father never met his biological father. Okay. Is a result of a basically what you call a one night stand nowadays. But this is back in the, you know, late forties or whatever, right? So, uh, my mother was I’m sorry.

 

00:43:11:21 – 00:43:33:12

Colt Johnson

So his, my father’s mother, my grandmother raised my father by herself for a couple of years. But back then that was very much different story. It was very much frowned upon, you know, socially and economically speaking. It was just hard. So she was she arranged for my father to be adopted an open a open adoption.

 

00:43:33:18 – 00:43:33:26

Brad Singletary

Wow.

 

00:43:33:26 – 00:44:00:18

Colt Johnson

Okay. So he was by this older couple in Tahoe called the Johnsons. Um, spoilers. So my surname comes from adoption. Oh, wow. Well, I follow my father’s birth. Surname is not Johnson. Okay, so he was adopted. He was eight years old, though, approximately. So he’s already kind of like grew up a bit. Um, but this couple, the Johnsons, they were like, they’re older, like in the fifties, forties there.

 

00:44:00:18 – 00:44:24:09

Colt Johnson

He had kids in their twenties and moved on. Right. But they’re wealthy, I guess they they were involved in the early boating, public recreational boating that was going on. So he he spent his years there, but like I said, his brothers were older. But so he he had his mother basically his mother would visit him on the weekends or whatever, come out and see him.

 

00:44:24:09 – 00:44:44:28

Colt Johnson

And that was his life basically even with this older couple and then having his mother visit him periodically. And when you turned 18, he was out the door and lived his life. But so and I mean otherwise, I guess you never really had a strong male male influence in his life. Right? Right. Like he never had that type of just it was his mother.

 

00:44:44:28 – 00:45:09:29

Colt Johnson

And then there was just this older couple that, you know, probably didn’t really have that type of energy or type of devotion to him much as he might have needed. So him growing up, I mean, he was married five times. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So he only had one child as far as he knew. So that was a proudest thing he ever did, was only having one child out of five marriages.

 

00:45:10:20 – 00:45:11:10

Colt Johnson

My mother was the.

 

00:45:11:26 – 00:45:12:16

Brad Singletary

She the fifth.

 

00:45:12:16 – 00:45:36:02

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So my mother was the lucky number five, I guess. Okay. But, uh, he, I think he always wanted a sense of family and being a belong or something, I don’t know, not having a typical family growing up or whatever. But I definitely think he wanted to recreate that and wanted to feel a sense of belonging and he didn’t know how to to do that.

 

00:45:36:02 – 00:46:00:15

Colt Johnson

And I think he, like me now, just want to feel love. So you you have someone that will give you love at whatever price you do, whatever you can as submissive to that matter, you know. And my father was I think he taught me that also runs in the family or whatever. So at the end of the day, my mother definitely I felt like was had the last say in raising me.

 

00:46:00:23 – 00:46:03:04

Colt Johnson

So he just stepped aside.

 

00:46:04:03 – 00:46:09:10

Brad Singletary

So he wasn’t that involved with you in terms of, you know, day to day play and stuff like that.

 

00:46:09:10 – 00:46:28:24

Colt Johnson

And my father was a little bit older, so we didn’t really have a lot. We’d go outside, play catch here and there. We played actually a lot of video games. I was out there playing like Super Mario and racing games and shit, but he worked a lot. He had a very stressful job. He he was in commissions, he sold cars and RV’s and stuff.

 

00:46:28:24 – 00:46:48:10

Colt Johnson

So it was kind of stressful because we didn’t have a lot of money. Sometimes he didn’t make any money, so it was kind of like, so that was a lot of points attention from my parents. So and when he did have free time, he didn’t really want to do anything, I guess. Look at it now. You call it introverted, you know, depression, you know, you have words for these type of things, you know.

 

00:46:48:25 – 00:46:54:21

Colt Johnson

But back then, I don’t talk about it. You just you have whatever crappy illness and.

 

00:46:55:13 – 00:47:01:17

Brad Singletary

But he was he would go to work and but he was kind of spent after that and have a lot of energy for. Yeah home life after between.

 

00:47:01:17 – 00:47:20:02

Colt Johnson

The stresses of the job community and coming home, you know, he’d eat, you know, watch television or whatever, maybe watch a movie, hang out. But, you know, and but we even when we traveled, like I went a lot of vacations for my mom, only he didn’t he didn’t like to fly at all. He would not fly. He refused to fly here.

 

00:47:20:14 – 00:47:33:22

Colt Johnson

All that experience growing up with some phobia. So that’s his brother, stepbrother, one of them. He was in a he was a pilot and he was in an airplane. Took my dad up was like ten years old or something. And it was kind of doing tricks and shit and, you know.

 

00:47:33:28 – 00:47:34:05

Brad Singletary

He was.

 

00:47:34:05 – 00:47:43:25

Colt Johnson

Scared of he would not get the airplane out of after that. So. Wow. So he’s afraid of heights. Basically. He couldn’t even be like in a hotel, like on the top floor. He’d freak out jet so.

 

00:47:44:23 – 00:47:48:15

Brad Singletary

So he wouldn’t go on trips. What about other things in barbecue?

 

00:47:48:16 – 00:48:08:18

Colt Johnson

Sometimes? Well, he so my parents were not social butterflies at all. Like, I didn’t they didn’t go on dates at all. They didn’t even growing up, I never saw them go on dates and and how many friends any host parties and it I thought that was normal once the fuck do I know. But yeah looking back that to me that’s not, that’s not really.

 

00:48:09:01 – 00:48:16:27

Brad Singletary

Why do you think they didn’t was that just introversion was it just being private people was or it’s.

 

00:48:16:27 – 00:48:38:12

Colt Johnson

Weird because I look at pictures of my parents before they had me and I see them you out socializing, drinking? Well, my dad did stop drinking when I was born. He was he was an alcoholic. So. Okay, I went. So I was a couple of years old and he went to a okay, got some help and actually went to Scientology.

 

00:48:38:26 – 00:48:39:15

Brad Singletary

Oh, wow.

 

00:48:39:28 – 00:49:00:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Back before it was cool. But yeah, he came home with a copy of Dianetics and I was like five years old and I helped him get off the sauce. So yeah, I don’t know how old buddy he went in there and San Francisco, Oakland or something at the time when you have any money. And they helped him out for some reason.

 

00:49:00:08 – 00:49:09:19

Colt Johnson

So so that that I don’t know if, if my father just needed a source to feel like to be like this social butterfly. Nothing for like the, you know.

 

00:49:09:21 – 00:49:11:11

Brad Singletary

The little liquid courage.

 

00:49:11:11 – 00:49:29:22

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And, and he kind of had a falling, like after I was born. He, you know, because of his drinking, he was he was a manager, you know, and a car dealership or whatever. But because of his drinking, I fired. We lost a bunch of stuff, lost our house, whatever we had. So we had to move into like this essentially like converted garage, right?

 

00:49:29:22 – 00:49:59:01

Colt Johnson

I was like four years old at the time, living in Hayward, the Oakland area down there. So as like my dad or my mother’s friend, that was like just like ghetto apartment. Not really, but ah. So this my father was unemployed. My mother’s working in like, you know, the diner as a waitress or whatever, right? Yeah So and I just felt like my, my father, my mother just had this from that point on, they always had these fights.

 

00:49:59:01 – 00:50:17:25

Colt Johnson

Like he wasn’t providing enough. My mother always. I mean, now I know she has a sense of security problem. Like she always needs to feel like she I mean, as humans do, obviously, we all need to feel a sense of security. But I do feel like she worries a lot and she projects a lot and she always worries about money.

 

00:50:17:25 – 00:50:37:04

Colt Johnson

And she’s not my parents are never great with money or, you know, investors or anything. They blow money as soon as they get it. So they fight a lot about money. And growing up, I always absorbed that I was on the corner. You know, like the tree. And they worry about money or they worry about whatever. And then I was just there absorbing that influence.

 

00:50:37:23 – 00:50:57:04

Colt Johnson

And because they weren’t sociable, of course, I wasn’t sociable. So and then I lived in an apartment most of my childhood, or we couldn’t go outside. We weren’t kids were frowned upon for going outside to play, you know, being have a yard or anything. Right. And most of my friends lived in other, other places. My mother was like, You’re not going to go ride a bike or anything.

 

00:50:57:04 – 00:50:58:28

Colt Johnson

You know, she’s not going to do anything just.

 

00:50:58:28 – 00:50:59:27

Brad Singletary

Too scared for you.

 

00:51:00:03 – 00:51:17:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So that’s another thing. I have this overprotective mother. So growing up, I was always, if I want to go anywhere, you know, mother would come with me, you know? So that’s something you always want as a kid, you know? I want to go help my friend or whatever. I don’t know. It was just it was just a antisocial thing that we kind of had.

 

00:51:17:07 – 00:51:36:10

Colt Johnson

We were just hanging out as a family and eventually, as time went on, my father stopped participating. Like we’d go to, like the zoo or the camping or whatever, or like my father and my mother and I. But then as I got a little bit older, you know, early teens or whatever, my father just stopped participating more and more.

 

00:51:36:10 – 00:51:45:27

Colt Johnson

I don’t know. I just I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s the stress of life or marriage or whatever. I think I think just life kind of a them.

 

00:51:46:07 – 00:52:09:14

Brad Singletary

I bet they both had some trauma that, you know, affected comfort level just being out in public even you know that’s one of the things that goes along with that is just hypervigilance and fear. And if they had difficult things, if he’s going through foster care or whatever he had, you know, whatever was happening for him. And then your mom, I think you mentioned that, you know, she had some she had a tough existence, too.

 

00:52:09:14 – 00:52:33:01

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah. My mother definitely had a tough life, both her and my father. So I think that just kind of reflects in both of them. And growing up, I think I was imprinted on me. I think I spent most of my life growing up feeling emotions of fear or anxiety or loss because of my parents, because that was the only that was the only thing on flavor.

 

00:52:33:01 – 00:52:50:03

Colt Johnson

Like my parents were never they never kissed each other in front of me. They never hugged each other. Wow. So, I mean, you know, I guess like when my mother or whatever, you know, but it always is fake that thing too. It wasn’t fake. It was just this like, surface level thing.

 

00:52:50:06 – 00:52:51:19

Brad Singletary

Like they were roommates or something.

 

00:52:51:19 – 00:53:09:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah, it was surface. Yeah, they were roommates. And even like, the way my parents would show love to me was kind of like that level too. Like, it was very much like, I love you. Cool. Whatever. Here’s a toy, you know? Of course I love you. Even like the hugs and stuff, it was just very much felt like it was very much superficial.

 

00:53:09:15 – 00:53:39:29

Colt Johnson

Superficial. Yeah, exactly. So, like, you have to imagine these to me feel like very not real emotions or emotions are very thin. And then you have these hyper and very much crying sense of fear about money, about your mom. About my mom. Yeah, my mom crying about being like of like month rent or my dad worrying about not being able to sell our or my dad’s problems with marriage or or whatever.

 

00:53:39:29 – 00:53:56:20

Colt Johnson

Right. So these are the real emotion I felt day in, day out. And I had no escape from it because then, then, you know, like I said, I was home school. So I just took this is just extension of my life. Even as a teenager, I didn’t go out any how many friends and then how a girl sane at 17 years old.

 

00:53:57:09 – 00:53:58:21

Colt Johnson

18 years old. I don’t know.

 

00:54:00:15 – 00:54:18:26

Brad Singletary

So, man, there was all this, like not talking. People just didn’t do it as much back in those days. Oh, but it sounds like your family was pretty private. We didn’t really deal with the emotional stuff. And now you’re going out. You’re talking about your your life, your relationships, your sex life. Every single part of your world. And even her, too, right?

 

00:54:18:26 – 00:54:19:23

Brad Singletary

She was on the show.

 

00:54:20:04 – 00:54:38:23

Colt Johnson

My mother. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So it’s funny because like when I went to college, it was me kind of reintroducing myself to society, right? Because I was going, I hadn’t really done anything. I dropped out of school and I was, you know, in elementary school and in between then and college. I was 23. I didn’t really do a whole lot besides stay at home.

 

00:54:40:08 – 00:54:59:03

Colt Johnson

So me going back to school was me learning how to be sociable. So learned to be sociable, to learn about like who or who am I to other people, you know, do I live with my mother as something even that I that’s something I wanted to talk about. I never told anyone. I lived with my mother and didn’t say anything about my mother.

 

00:54:59:03 – 00:55:02:22

Colt Johnson

I never induced my mother to any of my friends I had in my life.

 

00:55:02:22 – 00:55:15:12

Brad Singletary

I would say I’m curious about that, about why? Because maybe that maybe nowadays it would be seen differently. But I wonder what. Just shame. Embarrassing. Yeah, but I love that, you know, big boys don’t do. I mean what?

 

00:55:15:16 – 00:55:39:29

Colt Johnson

Everything. Everything you said. Shame, embarrassment. I should, you know, I. I didn’t want I mean, I knew it was a weakness, I mean, or perceived as a weakness, I suppose. And it was definitely I guess. I mean, now looking back, I can tell you it was just I wasn’t on shore footing with myself and I couldn’t articulate as to why I’ve always lived with my mother in my entire life.

 

00:55:40:03 – 00:56:02:08

Colt Johnson

And I just I knew it wasn’t something that I wanted, but I didn’t know why I didn’t want it if it was the only thing I ever knew. So but when I was starting to, you know, making new friends in my, you know, thirties or twenties, I and I just didn’t talk about my mother. I just didn’t I was just very private person, you know, very didn’t talk about anything in my life.

 

00:56:02:18 – 00:56:04:17

Colt Johnson

But then and then the show comes along.

 

00:56:06:14 – 00:56:08:24

Brad Singletary

And they see you live together. You got the cats.

 

00:56:09:02 – 00:56:20:01

Colt Johnson

And then everything is exposed. My mother, we have we have one car. My mother drives me to work right. That, that’s something I didn’t, I didn’t want to tell people. Mm. And we shared a vehicle because I didn’t have any money other than money.

 

00:56:20:01 – 00:56:26:24

Brad Singletary

So when you’re just making life work, but there’s all this, this fear of how people would interpret that or something.

 

00:56:26:24 – 00:56:45:05

Colt Johnson

And I mean, I know that’s not that’s not I mean, it’s a weakness to me. I feel weakness. Therefore, it would be perceived as a weakness to other people, me not having my independence, my own freedom, my own liberties, having the clutch aid assistance, burden of whatever, you know, did you.

 

00:56:45:05 – 00:56:47:15

Brad Singletary

Ever try to break out? Did you ever almost do it?

 

00:56:47:15 – 00:56:48:13

Colt Johnson

Did you almost did it?

 

00:56:48:21 – 00:56:50:04

Brad Singletary

And what tell me about that. I was.

 

00:56:50:04 – 00:57:12:11

Colt Johnson

Graduating college. I was 29 years old, aspiring for, I guess, an opportunity to move to California, Los Angeles area, to work at a company to call of duty with my best friend. Wow was an internship, though, so I wasn’t getting paid a lot of money, you know? So the idea was I would go live with him, you know, on his couch or whatever, and compete with him.

 

00:57:12:11 – 00:57:16:16

Colt Johnson

And, you know, after that period I’d be hired on potentially and whatever.

 

00:57:16:16 – 00:57:17:04

Brad Singletary

Right, right.

 

00:57:17:15 – 00:57:43:26

Colt Johnson

But my mother wasn’t working at the time, so, so like I had to get a job that paid well and she didn’t have a job or prospects and she didn’t make enough money to really support herself in a in the lifestyle that she wanted, you know, unless she was comfortable there, she didn’t want to, like, have a roommate or living in subsidized housing or, or or live with family members.

 

00:57:44:01 – 00:58:06:06

Colt Johnson

She liked having her own house even though she shared the house with me. It was still her house, you know, because she had she was on a lease. He had a key that, you know, whatever liberties. So I tried I talked about her do going away and she said, oh, go ahead, you know, it’s fine. But she never said not to go, but she never gave me a reason to go.

 

00:58:06:06 – 00:58:22:08

Colt Johnson

Like, it was just like lack of encouragement. Lack of it was just like it just it was just like this obligation that was there. But she always found a way to just to not let me go. And I just there left.

 

00:58:22:08 – 00:58:44:00

Brad Singletary

What I’m hearing there is that could have been like silence or even maybe just the feeling you’ve been you’re so attuned to her, maybe almost kind of sounds like almost kind of surrogate, you know, husband or something, in a way. Yeah. And like, you know, just meaning that she that was the attachment for her, you know, that you were her person really in life, you’re the one that she hugs.

 

00:58:44:00 – 00:58:46:25

Brad Singletary

She’s not hugging your dad or whatever or he’s gone by that time.

 

00:58:47:04 – 00:59:04:05

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So my father died. I was 23, 22 years old. So, you know, my twenties basically, you know, my, my mother and I, I mean, my mother worked and I went to college basically. That was that was the deal, you know, so which.

 

00:59:04:06 – 00:59:08:16

Brad Singletary

Totally makes sense, which totally seems reasonable and totally healthy and normal.

 

00:59:08:22 – 00:59:28:24

Colt Johnson

Actually, we were pretty much disconnected. We really didn’t interact too much. She’d take me to school. Even then, I didn’t learn how to drive till I was, you know, like 28 years old or so. So it’s all right. Yeah. A little late bloomer I got there. I tried. Well, I tried to learn my dad first, right? But then I got a lot of anxiety.

 

00:59:28:24 – 00:59:31:22

Colt Johnson

And then later on with my mother and me tell you I cannot drive with my mother.

 

00:59:32:18 – 00:59:34:23

Brad Singletary

She’s like, that’s why she’s driving you around.

 

00:59:34:27 – 00:59:56:03

Colt Johnson

Yeah, right. Yeah. You know, and that’s another thing, too, right? You know, is a sense of anxiety driving. And my mother kind of amplified that when I was with her. And instead of being sort of trying to fix that, it was just something that was left unsaid. So what happened? Well, my mother just drove me around for 20 years, you know what I mean?

 

00:59:56:03 – 01:00:13:15

Colt Johnson

It’s just, you know, I mean, just that’s fine. You know? I like that. Even though as a person, I should be like, no, that’s not fine. Eventually I did, and I learned. I learned I had a friend that taught me independently and I got my license and apparently and I surprised them with how I got my license, you know.

 

01:00:14:00 – 01:00:19:05

Colt Johnson

But so that’s what I mean by the lack of encouragement, lack of poor psych of.

 

01:00:19:06 – 01:00:28:00

Brad Singletary

She was not pushing you out unless she her words might have been, you know, kind and affirming in a way. But you knew really, she didn’t want you to go?

 

01:00:28:01 – 01:00:28:11

Colt Johnson

No.

 

01:00:28:11 – 01:00:29:29

Brad Singletary

You you felt she did not want you to go?

 

01:00:29:29 – 01:00:47:26

Colt Johnson

No, at all. And especially after my father passed, you know, she was comfortable and she had a part in it. She had someone there and now I think it’s just about security, you know, not being homeless. And I mean, no one wants that. But at the same time, I think she has this doubt in herself where she can provide for herself.

 

01:00:47:26 – 01:01:07:08

Colt Johnson

And that’s just something that she she grew up with or whatever. So she needed the help of a primarily of a man, but maybe initially it was her mom or something. But, you know, whether it was a boyfriend or husband or me. Yeah. She latched on to to that that that anchor would be fine as long as there’s a someone with me.

 

01:01:08:10 – 01:01:13:14

Brad Singletary

So. So you didn’t go work on Call of Duty? Hung around for a while. And then in.

 

01:01:13:14 – 01:01:13:25

Colt Johnson

Seattle.

 

01:01:14:07 – 01:01:21:25

Brad Singletary

And that’s where you were till you moved to Vegas. You meet Larissa, you’re on a show. 30 million people are looking at your kitchen, in your bedroom, and you’re.

 

01:01:21:25 – 01:01:25:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah, watching my mother make me breakfast. Take me to work every day.

 

01:01:25:10 – 01:01:44:10

Brad Singletary

Okay. And so what kind of messaging did you start to get from people? Because, you know, we’ve done a lot on the show about masculinity and really the the audience and the intended effort here is to is to help men kind of strengthen themselves and grow up and mature. And I wonder what kind of hate mail and you are.

 

01:01:44:24 – 01:01:48:22

Brad Singletary

People were saying to you like, oh, mama’s boy, what kind of things were.

 

01:01:49:06 – 01:01:52:29

Colt Johnson

Oh, boy, that’s like one of the better ones. What do you want to start alphabetically, maybe?

 

01:01:52:29 – 01:01:54:17

Brad Singletary

Yeah, go for it. Just ramble them.

 

01:01:54:18 – 01:02:05:00

Colt Johnson

I mean, there were some nice messages. I’m not going to lie, you know, flattering ones. But, you know, mostly my cats or mostly out of the certain demographic that love that loves me.

 

01:02:05:00 – 01:02:05:15

Brad Singletary

Okay.

 

01:02:05:26 – 01:02:11:02

Colt Johnson

They yell at you and they’re seen as well, maybe, but for bad reasons from.

 

01:02:11:03 – 01:02:11:27

Brad Singletary

Moms.

 

01:02:11:27 – 01:02:18:01

Colt Johnson

Moms or people that just love cats. You know, there’s a certain people, certain terrorist acts that really.

 

01:02:18:01 – 01:02:19:13

Brad Singletary

Draw them in. Cat moms.

 

01:02:19:13 – 01:02:41:23

Colt Johnson

Yeah, something like that. But and there’s but most people look at me and they see someone they don’t like or they see someone that is obnoxious to their own self. I mean, if you look at me, you know, I, I don’t look like a typical person that would date anybody like that or someone that would be considered beyond my league.

 

01:02:41:24 – 01:02:42:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:02:42:01 – 01:02:43:22

Brad Singletary

Your wife is way hotter than you.

 

01:02:44:11 – 01:02:53:19

Colt Johnson

In the last few. Well, even before that, I still kind of did, at least above my grade level. I like to think so to some degree, but definitely after the.

 

01:02:53:19 – 01:02:54:29

Brad Singletary

That’s Alpha right there. I see.

 

01:02:55:02 – 01:03:16:19

Colt Johnson

Definitely after the television thing. But I don’t know, it’s just that that wasn’t it. It was funny like I always knew. You look at me, I knew my weakness, physical weakness, you know, look at me. I have weight problems, loose skin. You know, I got you know, I got some breast tissue issues here. You know, it mostly. So even growing up my weight, I weigh problems.

 

01:03:16:19 – 01:03:40:27

Colt Johnson

I grew up, I was like 300 some pounds at one point and ballooned up and down. Ballooned up. I was like Christian Bale, but not really doing it for a role. Just just fucking my life out. But, you know, so I was emotional eater so that unfortunately had bad effect on me. And even still growing up, I never had positive habits, you know, like my dad, you know, he do some dumbbells or whatever.

 

01:03:40:27 – 01:03:58:11

Colt Johnson

But like, you know, I never exercise, never. So I just never picked up on it, you know, and not going to school. I never like went to gym or whatever. Anyway, I can took a gym I don’t want that is, you know, growing up, you know, run around or whatever bleachers or whatever. So I just never had the body or whatever.

 

01:03:58:11 – 01:04:10:25

Colt Johnson

And I knew that. I knew I could never attract women physically. So but emotionally, you know, I can connect with people. At the end of the day, people just want to feel a connection with. And if they can do that, it doesn’t matter what you look like.

 

01:04:10:29 – 01:04:24:03

Brad Singletary

I hear women all the time say, I mean, five times a day. Women say it’s not about physical attraction. He’s, you know, he’s an asshole or he’s he’s whatever he’s this or that they’re complaining about their man is usually not it’s usually not about their looks.

 

01:04:24:03 – 01:04:51:04

Colt Johnson

You know, you want to know. It is it’s simple women. I mean, physical attraction, I think is is a reflection or result from emotion. They want to feel certain things, either this connection or this this intense, you know, attentive nature that they never felt from somebody. Or they want to they want to be like like ignored or they want to spark some kind of emotion.

 

01:04:51:04 – 01:04:53:25

Colt Johnson

And that’s emotion that you chase. Right?

 

01:04:54:10 – 01:05:01:08

Brad Singletary

There you go, guys. You see those guys out there? Seduction one on one right there. Make her feel something and she’ll be attracted to you.

 

01:05:01:08 – 01:05:13:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah It makes her feel something. That’s a thing, right? You have to stand out. You have to feel. You have to make her feel something, whatever that is, and then keep her interest in that way. And then the the attraction will stem from that.

 

01:05:14:19 – 01:05:15:15

Brad Singletary

You’re good looking, dude.

 

01:05:15:15 – 01:05:34:26

Colt Johnson

I’m not trying to thank you. I think you’re good, too, but I know I’m not going to say I’m like an ogre or a troll. I should be living under the bridge or the Hoover Dam or something. But you know, and I definitely feel like I should definitely need to take better care of myself. I mean, I’ve actually lost a little bit of weight since I first started.

 

01:05:34:27 – 01:05:45:15

Brad Singletary

You look good, man. You look good. Yeah. So when I first met. Yeah. So you were talking about you use a lot of these a lot of your fan ads. Are these mom these mothering, nurturing types?

 

01:05:45:28 – 01:05:46:12

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:05:47:20 – 01:06:09:17

Brad Singletary

Also, too, you said something about you said that about Wal-Mart. People are recognizing more Wal Mart than like higher end stores or whatever. But when after this, the one little episode that you and that I was part of with you guys, like 20 people called me, reached out to me and they and I noticed they were the bride.

 

01:06:09:20 – 01:06:32:03

Brad Singletary

They’re all women, but they were the brightest women. I know one’s a surgeon. One, you know, like high attorneys, you know, like people that are just very brilliant. People are watching. And they say it’s, you know, this is their dirty pleasure, these shows or whatever. But I haven’t seen all of those seasons and all those episodes, but it’s a it’s a fascinating thing.

 

01:06:32:03 – 01:06:39:14

Brad Singletary

Anyway, we got off track here. What were we talking about? I wanted to go back to with your father’s passing, that was your early twenties or.

 

01:06:39:14 – 01:06:41:01

Colt Johnson

Something that 22.

 

01:06:41:01 – 01:06:45:08

Brad Singletary

How did he act? As you mentioned, he wasn’t that healthy or involved in stuff. What? How did he.

 

01:06:45:15 – 01:07:08:07

Colt Johnson

So my father never took good care of himself. He was overweight. Eight, eight sweets, chocolates. He didn’t exercise. He smoked a lot. You know, before that, I like I said, he was alcoholic. So he was just one train wreck after the next, basically. So one day I was I went on my day or whatever and he called me on the phone and he said he wasn’t feeling good.

 

01:07:08:18 – 01:07:25:09

Colt Johnson

You know, I should come home. And I said, okay, but I was with my girlfriend at the time. We’re running errands and I forgot about it. So at the time, my mother and my father were living in an apartment and my girlfriend and I were living next door. Basically, I was living not with my mother, but whatever.

 

01:07:25:09 – 01:07:26:10

Brad Singletary

Right literally next door.

 

01:07:26:10 – 01:07:45:16

Colt Johnson

Literally next door. So anyway, so, so I got the call and then I, I don’t, I just don’t think much of it or whatever and then go home on the day. And then I go home with my girlfriend and then we go in our apartment and we have dinner or whatever. Lunch I remember. I still don’t think I forgot about my dad or whatever.

 

01:07:45:28 – 01:08:00:15

Colt Johnson

And they actually go over to the apartment because my girlfriend needed like some pepper or some kind of something from the house or something, something. So I go over there and then on the floor with my dad. My dad, and he’s dead.

 

01:08:01:01 – 01:08:05:07

Brad Singletary

Oh, my gosh. You’re the one who found him. Yeah. Oh, wow.

 

01:08:05:07 – 01:08:15:29

Colt Johnson

And I just knew immediately because I, you know, he’s he’s not the right color. He’s by that time, he’s purple, you know, just a earth on living color, basically.

 

01:08:15:29 – 01:08:17:27

Brad Singletary

How much time are we talking here?

 

01:08:17:27 – 01:08:30:14

Colt Johnson

Like 4 hours, maybe. I was I want to say it was like 11:00 is when he called me and then and then talking about to like three or so. I mean, so that that was hard, right?

 

01:08:31:00 – 01:08:45:16

Brad Singletary

Oh, my gosh. Well, to lose your father is hard. To find him in that way is hard to be involved. And he was calling to say he wasn’t feeling it earlier. That’s hard. There’s layers of layers of like trauma in that.

 

01:08:45:27 – 01:09:07:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So I blame myself lot initially for that. Like what if I just came home, you know, I could have called the paramedics or. My dad was a stubborn old fire convict. I needed, like, doctors, you know, whatever he he he literally, you know, he had a choice to call neither one or call me. He told me, you know, you should call the ambulance.

 

01:09:07:15 – 01:09:20:19

Colt Johnson

That was his that was his choice. And unfortunately, I took that as my, my, my fault, my oh, dude, I fell on that sword for, for a few months or a few years, I guess. So it was hard to live with.

 

01:09:21:12 – 01:09:29:03

Brad Singletary

Did you ever do anything with that? Did you ever come off of that sword? I mean, did did you like it’s still there?

 

01:09:29:13 – 01:09:45:07

Colt Johnson

Well, I pulled I pulled that story out of me. You know, like I said, you know, my father had his choice. He could have called paramedic. He could have done anything himself. You know, like I said, hey, I think I’m having a heart attack. I’m home immediately or whatever, you know? And at the end of the day, I.

 

01:09:45:23 – 01:10:06:08

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I could have done something differently. But, you know, like I said, he didn’t take care of himself. You know, he could have gone to doctors more or less, you know. But at the time let me tell you, I think I was at such an emotional deficit between everything in my life that I would take on negative emotions just to feel things.

 

01:10:07:13 – 01:10:32:28

Colt Johnson

And that’s something that I’ve always done. So the passing of my father, giving it all I can feel this guilt of my father’s passing and I’m directly responsible. That’s like a whole bunch of feelings I can absorb and feel like shit, but it’s something, and that’s just something that I just naturally collected. And it’s just a horror. That’s just how I live my life, unfortunately.

 

01:10:32:28 – 01:10:37:29

Colt Johnson

And now that I’m older, I don’t do that. But I’m finding that there’s not a lot there anymore.

 

01:10:38:21 – 01:10:58:22

Brad Singletary

MAN Holy cow. I can’t even imagine that. I wonder if your if that that piece of the if those facts went into the ongoing relationship with your mom, you know, so now she’s a widow. She’s really alone. She’s a widow. She’s honorable in many ways, financially and everything else.

 

01:10:58:22 – 01:11:21:22

Colt Johnson

She grew up in a time when women were not independent. She always she wanted to be like a cop or something. She was frowned upon, you know? You know, you’re a housewife, don’t have aspirations, life, unfortunately. So she unfortunately, she just didn’t or could not feel like she could take on the burden of having to raise it and be taking care of herself or being by herself.

 

01:11:21:22 – 01:11:39:23

Colt Johnson

I don’t think she ever was by herself. I think she kind of went her and her mom were very close growing up. They worked together. They would share the apartment together. I think they were actually really close, probably. I think they best friends and I think my mother thought that I think my mother wanted to totter maybe.

 

01:11:40:05 – 01:11:47:29

Brad Singletary

Well and well in either way. That was that’s what love was. Spend all your time together, become best friends. Right that’s that was her modeling.

 

01:11:47:29 – 01:11:48:21

Colt Johnson

Of that was her.

 

01:11:48:22 – 01:11:51:13

Brad Singletary

Wanting and that was what she thought that was supposed.

 

01:11:51:13 – 01:12:11:13

Colt Johnson

To be. So She said, Well, that’s how Mom loved me. That’s how I love my my boy. But that’s not what her boy wanted. And or maybe it was best for him. Like, my first day, a kindergarten, right? Like I cried, right? Like, Oh, my God. For, say, most parents, I would say or deal with that son, you know, come back later.

 

01:12:11:25 – 01:12:40:23

Colt Johnson

My mother says, I’ll volunteer. She became like a house mother or PTA volunteer, right. Every day. Like she she had no she didn’t have a career. He didn’t have friends. She didn’t hobbies. You know, she didn’t nothing, you know, for her. Take me to school, volunteer the school, be around me. This is till you know, my my primary school or elementary school years up until I dropped out.

 

01:12:41:15 – 01:13:00:16

Brad Singletary

And you would look at that on the outside and say, well, that’s kind of cute, you know to me to come why she loves her boy like how involved she’s very engaged. She’s going to the school. She’s participating and that’s all good when we’re talking about kindergarten but it but it just that was how it really was all the way through.

 

01:13:00:16 – 01:13:17:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And that’s on the show too. And people, it’s funny because a lot of fans say now like, oh, I love the reaction we have with your mother. They think we’re super tight. Like we share everything together, you know, like we’re best friends. And the opposite is actually true. We’re not. We don’t get along and all we have nothing in common.

 

01:13:17:20 – 01:13:41:21

Colt Johnson

Everything’s very awkward. We don’t have any relationship whatsoever. Less. I’m more like, Can I get you something, Mother? Do you need anything? You know? And that’s the extent of my relationship with her. And so it’s like growing up, I think she was just always attentive to me. She felt like she had to be there to help me, and that was our relationship.

 

01:13:41:21 – 01:13:44:12

Colt Johnson

And as I got older, I kind of took on more of that role.

 

01:13:44:14 – 01:13:47:14

Brad Singletary

It switched where I became the caretaker.

 

01:13:47:14 – 01:13:47:27

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:13:47:27 – 01:13:53:04

Brad Singletary

Was there any, any like part of the timeline when that started to happen?

 

01:13:53:05 – 01:14:12:17

Colt Johnson

Oh, I definitely. Last four years coming to Vegas, she she didn’t have, you know, her current. She, she has her retirement from her or my dad or whatever, national security, which is not a lot. Right, right. So she had more she began to be like, you know, Somalia later, kid.

 

01:14:13:11 – 01:14:30:01

Brad Singletary

So you’re being together all the time was just a matter of kind of convenience, just made sense. It’s almost like husbands and wives who stay living together for a year after their divorce because it’s just cheaper. They need to do it that way. Essentially, you just had to do it for the practical sense it.

 

01:14:30:06 – 01:14:56:08

Colt Johnson

Well, yeah, so there’s that, there’s the economical sense of that actually if you want to go even more crazy I would say we have with that but my that my one relationship I had actually most of my relationships this is girlfriend I had this before Larissa and she was living with my mother and I this is after my father and I wasn’t in love with her as this is after like a year or so living together and whatever.

 

01:14:56:08 – 01:15:19:06

Colt Johnson

And she wanted to get married and, you know, start a family or whatever. I just wasn’t feeling it. That was in school. But her, the girl, she was working, so she was paying, subsidizing some of the bills and everything. And finally, we just had this huge fight and, you know, and my mother freaked out even though, like, I’m white, my mother freaking out that my girlfriend and I are fighting right.

 

01:15:19:06 – 01:15:31:13

Colt Johnson

Because she’s afraid that the money from my girlfriend will go away because she’ll move out because we broke up and it will be enough money to live there and when. And she’ll be homeless.

 

01:15:33:00 – 01:15:51:23

Brad Singletary

Wow. So that you’re you’re speaking to something that. I mean, that sounds ridiculous. That sounds awful. But really, it’s coming down to this sense of security that she she was very sensitive to feeling secure and like everything’s going to be okay in of our, like, the needs, you know, food, shelter.

 

01:15:51:26 – 01:15:52:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:15:52:07 – 01:15:54:13

Brad Singletary

So everybody get along. That was important, right?

 

01:15:54:20 – 01:16:13:13

Colt Johnson

And so like I told, I talked to my mother before I, said, I don’t love this person, I don’t want to live with her. And she told me basically, well, we need her money. You know, think about that. Think about your security. Think about stay in school, you know, whatever. Don’t think about how I feel. So she here?

 

01:16:13:15 – 01:16:36:11

Colt Johnson

Basically, my mother. My mother is telling my face, you’re what you feel. Doesn’t matter. Her sense of security or fears of being homeless is more important than my lack of love or interest in this woman. So I have to pretend that I feel something or love and live this half lie giddy at me every day so that my mother doesn’t freak out and be crazy at me.

 

01:16:36:11 – 01:16:41:19

Colt Johnson

So I have this weird sense of, I don’t know, obligation, pain.

 

01:16:41:19 – 01:16:57:22

Brad Singletary

Yeah. I mean, that sounds like a pivotal experience when you hear her say that. That’s both an indicator of what she had needed and felt all along. And then also in the future, that was maybe the expectation. Then you went, What, ten more years doing that or something?

 

01:16:57:22 – 01:17:19:04

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I did that for a couple of more years of that, but it was always kind of like that, right? It was always like do it because there’s no what? Like you wouldn’t want your mother homeless. Like, my mother could live by herself any time. Like right now. She could, she could, but but it just it’s just not it’s just not there like her.

 

01:17:19:04 – 01:17:44:07

Colt Johnson

Like she’s always paid tailed off my life. Whether she gets to drive me to school all day, she volunteers she she goes to work so that I could go to school at college. Right. But then after that ended, her role became, well, I’m retired now and that’s fine, but Even still, like, her life kind of just stopped. She didn’t have any hobbies, no friends, nothing to take over from her responsibility of being my mother or.

 

01:17:44:14 – 01:17:47:04

Colt Johnson

Or the higher functioning person in my life.

 

01:17:48:13 – 01:17:59:17

Brad Singletary

So even though you’re saying you didn’t have the greatest friendship or whatever, do you think she’d lean on you? She just needed you to fill some time, and you needed you to be a companion in a way.

 

01:17:59:17 – 01:18:18:11

Colt Johnson

Like, Oh, yeah, I was. Whatever my mother needed, it’s like, it’s funny. A lot of my my friends or my interests and even that would be on the show. Like my mother is on the show now. She’s a she has her own show. She’s season two on the single life. I was on season one, you know, but now she’s she started out as like this secondary guest character.

 

01:18:18:11 – 01:18:39:14

Colt Johnson

They didn’t even know they wanted to have her on the show. And she became very popular. It is testament to her character, but she became her own character. But it’s like she’s always just kind of just grabbed on to whatever I was doing, like my relationship with my ex-wife. Like they friends, like they always kind of just insert herself in whatever I’m doing or for.

 

01:18:39:16 – 01:18:58:25

Colt Johnson

If I have friends, then she talks to them and then she kind of puts me down in front of them to feel good about herself because she needs to feel like she’s a higher functioning person. And I’m just the boy. I’m just I can’t. I always make a mess I can’t. I don’t know much. Basically is is the relationship that my mother and I have.

 

01:18:59:02 – 01:19:06:00

Colt Johnson

That’s how that’s how our interaction is in public or public facing in, you know, in reality, basically.

 

01:19:07:04 – 01:19:09:25

Brad Singletary

MAN So where does it stand now between you two?

 

01:19:11:04 – 01:19:43:21

Colt Johnson

This not much. I’m not going to like we go back and forth. Well, it’s it’s kind of it’s back and forth. I definitely feel like we don’t have a particular good place. We exchange texts, you know, we have dinner here and there. But we don’t really we don’t have a relationship. There’s nothing meaningful there. I, I can tell her, you know, I’m depressed, my work or I’m having a hard time in my life or whatever.

 

01:19:43:21 – 01:20:07:11

Colt Johnson

But she won’t have anything to share with me to like. It’s not that she just can’t relate or can’t like she says she’s sorry or you know, or she feels bad or you know, I’m sure I’ll figure it out. It’s just there’s just nothing there. And I don’t know why. I don’t know even how to articulate it in a way.

 

01:20:07:11 – 01:20:11:21

Colt Johnson

It just feels like there’s it’s like you’re talking to someone that’s just existing.

 

01:20:12:20 – 01:20:33:00

Brad Singletary

I often talk with people about you know, whether or not a person if someone’s not doing something we need, are they doing that because they can’t or because they won’t? You know they can or they won’t. They either can and refuse to. They’re withholding this thing and they’re keeping it from you. And I think almost no one does that.

 

01:20:33:27 – 01:20:54:29

Brad Singletary

And I think the reason people don’t act right and do what we think they should is because many times they can’t. Sure, you don’t know how. They never said those things. They haven’t really, you know, and I can just maybe picture with her. She’s not she’s she may not have just developed the ability to engage in that way.

 

01:20:54:29 – 01:21:07:00

Brad Singletary

You seem super willing to talk. You’re super willing to be open and share your feelings, really dig into things or whatever. I don’t know if all these bad women have taught you that or what, but.

 

01:21:08:26 – 01:21:25:14

Colt Johnson

I think I spend a lot of times hiding myself from the public. You know, like I said, I was kind of home schooled, wasn’t going out. So it’s kind of just I didn’t you know, even when I went to college, I didn’t talk about myself. I was very private. But then the show, I just let everything out and just everything the floodgates, everything.

 

01:21:25:14 – 01:21:26:06

Colt Johnson

Go, go, go.

 

01:21:26:16 – 01:21:48:16

Brad Singletary

See, man, I think there are some. I wonder if there’s some healing nature to that. I’ve actually had ideas about, you know, doing some of the work that I do with guys and record it and I don’t know, put it on YouTube or whatever. But anyway, I think people would be interested in the in the selfie generation that we’re in where people like to see themselves.

 

01:21:48:16 – 01:22:08:08

Brad Singletary

They, you know, they like to show their life. I think it allows people to be open. So you were this private person. You didn’t really go anywhere or do anything. You’re you and your mom and your dad were all very private. There was. And now all of a sudden, there’s 30 million people listening to your conversations.

 

01:22:08:18 – 01:22:10:25

Colt Johnson

Trade, exchanging my dick pics around.

 

01:22:10:25 – 01:22:31:23

Brad Singletary

Seriously. So, man, I just have a billion questions. But one here is was it helpful to open up and let all of that stuff be seen? Like you’re saying, you were ashamed that your mom would drive you to school to work, but now they’re showing this on the TV.

 

01:22:32:01 – 01:22:32:11

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:22:32:11 – 01:22:39:08

Brad Singletary

So was there something about releasing all that shame? I mean, you had to be shameless kind of to do that.

 

01:22:39:14 – 01:23:02:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I’m very shameless, let me tell you. But I know 100% like you have no idea what it’s like is like a burden. You know, you have this literally this cross, you bear, you hold on to it, and it’s something you carry for, in my case, my entire life, you know, and it’s a shame, sense of shame, sense of my life is wrong.

 

01:23:02:02 – 01:23:26:25

Colt Johnson

I’m I’m I’m less than someone that should be known. And I don’t want anyone to know me. And then unfortunately or fortunately, thankfully now because of the show, I it just all came out. I did it, I guess I initially didn’t really think all the way through terms of that, like letting everything out, you know, but one thing led to another.

 

01:23:26:25 – 01:23:44:01

Colt Johnson

And then once you have one thing out, you might as well just keep going. But I did. It’s you know, it’s like you let it all go and once it’s out, it’s out there, like, yeah, there’s this. I remember my first picture, my, my video of my, my member went out there, right? Everyone were making fun of her or whatever.

 

01:23:44:01 – 01:23:48:16

Colt Johnson

But they can only make fun of your dick so many times. And after.

 

01:23:48:19 – 01:23:50:14

Brad Singletary

Only so many words you can use with only.

 

01:23:50:14 – 01:24:16:01

Colt Johnson

So many words in the English, alphabet or any alphabet that can articulate what’s wrong with my dick. And let me tell you, I’ve read them all. So it’s a you know, one, you’re not going to shock me with anything until I’m flattered that people have this interest, even unfortunately, it’s just, you know, not glory compliment. But most people will not give you a compliment and they’ll give you an insult.

 

01:24:16:01 – 01:24:19:16

Colt Johnson

And, you know.

 

01:24:19:16 – 01:24:25:07

Brad Singletary

So there you have it, guys. You want to heal your shame, just put some dick pics out and you’ll get over it quick.

 

01:24:25:13 – 01:24:46:10

Colt Johnson

No, but like, it’s true, you know, if you lay all out people. I think this is also what really helps a lot of people’s health problems in life. Like, you know, your shame or things, you know, you don’t feel, you don’t, you know, other self esteem issues or you with your life, you just hide things. You hold on to things and and it’s just something you carry.

 

01:24:46:14 – 01:25:12:25

Colt Johnson

It’s like having the extra pounds, you know, I got extra pounds on me. It’s harder to breathe, you know, you shed those pounds, suddenly you have all this more stamina, you know, you feel more energetic. You want to go outside sunlight, everything feels better. And that’s how it is 100%. I will say this doing the show has helped me in many ways, not not in terms of being more famous or having more money or anything, or it’s just therapy.

 

01:25:13:06 – 01:25:19:09

Colt Johnson

It’s been therapy for me. It’s allowed me to examine myself, literally pausing, repeat, you know.

 

01:25:19:19 – 01:25:33:24

Brad Singletary

Like, what did you say? Like, I didn’t realize you were saying that your conversations are everything. You get to go back and watch. That’s what I mean about. Yeah, I think it must have been there must have been some real inner value way beyond notoriety and money and all that.

 

01:25:33:24 – 01:25:56:16

Colt Johnson

It’s even more than that, really. Like, you know, was going through my rebound, my girlfriend, the time I was having an affair with my friend. So I was in the sticky honey pot, you know, three way of lust and lies and deceit, you know, great television. But, you know, when I was filming it, you know, the producers, they were like, why are you doing this?

 

01:25:57:00 – 01:26:11:29

Colt Johnson

Why did you lie? Why are you why did you tell your girlfriend you love her? Why did you lie to her? It’s just and over and over again, you know, like it’s just something like you do a pickup scene. I do over and over again do another scene. Like, it’s like always question why this, why this, why this, why?

 

01:26:11:29 – 01:26:27:29

Colt Johnson

This is just something that over the course of several weeks or months, I mean, now at this point, years, it’s just. Yeah, why why did I do this? Why did I marry her? Why did I lie to her? Why am I this? Why? Why do I let my mother drive around? Why do I do any of this stuff?

 

01:26:28:17 – 01:26:39:16

Colt Johnson

Like I said, I live my whole life one way, very isolated as the only way you know how to live. You know, you never see corners in your life, you know, every depth perception. Mm. You don’t know any difference.

 

01:26:40:11 – 01:26:42:02

Brad Singletary

So isolation still.

 

01:26:42:09 – 01:26:57:08

Colt Johnson

Now. Not now, not while now I’m kind of a hermit, you know, lately, but definitely I all my secrets are out there in the public. I don’t hide anything anymore. I don’t. I mean, I’m. I’m boring. Now, let me tell you, even though I’m on television and all this.

 

01:26:57:20 – 01:27:14:19

Brad Singletary

But what about the you know, what about the occasional you know, you you’re you’re upset with someone. You’ve got to, you know, talk it over with a buddy. You go have a beer with somebody. I mean, do you have you have that’s just a big part of our message is that men need men. We need, you know, best friends.

 

01:27:14:19 – 01:27:21:27

Brad Singletary

We need little tribes. Oh, yeah. Someone told me reason I can’t I shouldn’t say tribe anymore since not native but anyway.

 

01:27:22:11 – 01:27:23:13

Colt Johnson

Definitely the pod.

 

01:27:23:28 – 01:27:30:21

Brad Singletary

Yes, a group of guys, you know, some some a gang, you know, some guys that kind of like have your back.

 

01:27:31:03 – 01:27:53:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah. You know, fortunately, I’ve had since moving to Vegas, I’ve had several opportunities to bond, to make friends. I have this lunch group that I meet. They’re all they’re all Vegas locals, a bunch of, you know, locals. They’re a bunch of typical Vegas local men, you know, actually older than I am. So it’s kind of I always got along.

 

01:27:53:09 – 01:28:12:20

Colt Johnson

People older than I am, I don’t know why. So we meet, well, once a week, have lunch, you know, they all bullshit about their entertainment lives, you know? And I’m like, I just sit there and just listen and just enjoy it because it’s just, you know, I just because they are very much typical, like manly men type of stuff, you know, performers or whatever.

 

01:28:12:20 – 01:28:32:25

Colt Johnson

So it’s kind of it’s just nice having that type of perspective, the type of exposure, you know, I’m not used to that. In addition to that, I do go to therapy, you know, and then outside of that, I do have this group of men that I meet every other week at night. It’s kind of like this therapy, kind of like check in session, like.

 

01:28:32:25 – 01:28:34:03

Brad Singletary

A meeting about your life.

 

01:28:34:03 – 01:28:53:16

Colt Johnson

Like, yeah, like a meeting, you know? How are we doing? What are we doing right now? What’s the problem? What can we do? You know, and just just having this thing where you can go and like a forum, you know, really, honestly and people listen. I think a lot of people get crazy in life and frustrated and they give up when you don’t have anybody that listens to them.

 

01:28:54:02 – 01:29:16:09

Colt Johnson

So having the opportunity that that chance in life to have a group of friends, you know, and in my case listen to problems that I just never have I never got exposure to. You know, growing up, I was always, you know, my mother was always one those around or you know, I was never really had in my life strong men in my life or any type of influence in my life at all.

 

01:29:16:09 – 01:29:24:12

Colt Johnson

That’s like that’s why I’m a basket case, really. So now having that is having that balance is definitely benefited me a lot.

 

01:29:25:09 – 01:29:44:15

Brad Singletary

So I want to hit this really hard for a few minutes here and we’ll wrap up before too long. But I just want to really hit just the exact things you’re talking about masculine development, the, you know, the development of your male identity, the things that the strong things that you did maybe pick up from your dad, what kinds of things you wish you had done more of.

 

01:29:44:29 – 01:29:52:21

Brad Singletary

And then even now, what kind of direction do you think your development as a man needs to go?

 

01:29:53:03 – 01:30:19:19

Colt Johnson

I think the first thing in my path, or course, towards manhood is learning to love myself, love I was chased either with my mother or a woman, was always the love I should have been giving to myself. So just being more appreciative, more knowledge in my own accomplishments in life is something that I’ve been trying to do to feel better about myself and also just having more ethics, sense of, you know, like I’m married now, I’m taking that very seriously.

 

01:30:19:19 – 01:30:41:05

Colt Johnson

I’m not fucking around, you know, I’m off social media. I’m not talking to girls. I’m always I’m taking them very seriously. Has a lot of weight to me. So sense is has weight to me is very important to me. I’m trying to build that. So having things like that sort of shy away from, you know, earthly temptation, surface level, you know, instant gratification thing, those things are very bad for you.

 

01:30:41:23 – 01:30:55:26

Colt Johnson

And honestly, at the end of day, it’s just filling my my emotions. But, you know, like I said, I used to gather up negative emotion just to just to have things inside now. Well, what can I do to generate real, real motions for myself?

 

01:30:56:05 – 01:30:56:21

Brad Singletary

Okay.

 

01:30:56:22 – 01:31:18:27

Colt Johnson

Right. Like my accomplishments, you know, if they’re minor, building up myself, you know, starting with just making your bed in the day or doing something at work or just as much as I can. And it’s reinforcing that you know, and I see it as funny in my boundaries with myself. Like I’ve just always been tagged, thrown around in whatever direction to get that love, to chase that, that next fix.

 

01:31:18:27 – 01:31:20:16

Brad Singletary

Do anything, some attention.

 

01:31:20:27 – 01:31:37:16

Colt Johnson

Do anything. Here’s my here’s my day care. I’ll tell you I love you. I’ll, I’ll I’ll be your errand boy or whatever. Done it over you. Just give me love and, you know, understanding my boundaries. And I do believe confidence is really a reflection of understanding your boundaries or lack thereof.

 

01:31:37:22 – 01:31:39:09

Brad Singletary

So the interesting.

 

01:31:39:19 – 01:31:59:20

Colt Johnson

I just I think that’s part of being more masculine or more confidence in yourself, more alpha is just being more confident in yourself, knowing yourself. And that’s all connected to the love and everything that you should be doing for yourself. Because if you’re relying on other people for that, then you’re not the master of your own destiny.

 

01:31:59:20 – 01:32:24:14

Brad Singletary

Man, that’s awesome. Just learning to love yourself. One of the programs that I really like, it’s a I won’t get into their whole program, but there there’s their solution to this set of problems that they say people have is to become your own loving parent, be your own, become your own dad, you know, become your own loving parent, become say the things to yourself that you needed said to you.

 

01:32:25:22 – 01:32:48:15

Brad Singletary

Say the things that you wish a loving parent would be like for you right now. And it sounds like this love and wait, what was that you said? Confidence is a reflection of your boundaries. That is so profound. I’m going to have to I’m going to have to study that a little bit and instill that. But that is, dude, confidence is a reflection of your boundaries.

 

01:32:48:15 – 01:32:57:23

Brad Singletary

What does what does that mean? It’s so killer. I love it. I think it’s right. I just it’s big at something. But I read book about that.

 

01:32:57:23 – 01:32:59:02

Colt Johnson

So yeah, you can take.

 

01:32:59:02 – 01:32:59:27

Brad Singletary

That one trade. Mark.

 

01:33:00:23 – 01:33:27:17

Colt Johnson

Just put me in your intro somewhere. Name me, misspell my name. But yeah, you know, I mean, I chased a lot of I just never grew up, you know, when I stopped going to school I stopped being I stopped my path towards being an adult or independent of human. I guess I just kind froze and that’s what it was.

 

01:33:27:17 – 01:33:50:29

Colt Johnson

My mother drove me to school then and she drove me to work in my, you know, my thirties as that was it. And it wasn’t until getting my, my own confident, wanting more, wanting to get out of that situation, you know, go and get my G.E.D. going to college then, you know, all that that really I guess just got me out of that.

 

01:33:51:04 – 01:33:51:24

Colt Johnson

Woke me up.

 

01:33:52:15 – 01:33:58:05

Brad Singletary

You’re kind of a miracle of a guy. I’m. I’m telling you, you dropped out of school in fifth grade.

 

01:33:58:09 – 01:33:59:12

Colt Johnson

I’m also a preemie.

 

01:34:00:04 – 01:34:01:15

Brad Singletary

Oh, God, it’s Phoebe.

 

01:34:01:15 – 01:34:03:23

Colt Johnson

I was a incubator for, like, a whole month.

 

01:34:03:23 – 01:34:21:06

Brad Singletary

Oh, okay. So already we’ve got low birth weight. We had premature birth is in the nick you for a long time. We’re in an incubator. You’ve really you really done some cool things, man. You you have a wonderful wife right now.

 

01:34:21:09 – 01:34:21:29

Colt Johnson

She’s great.

 

01:34:22:06 – 01:34:27:19

Brad Singletary

You’re taking strides in your career. You’ve been on TV for five freaking years.

 

01:34:27:20 – 01:34:28:25

Colt Johnson

It’s crazy. Just doesn’t.

 

01:34:28:25 – 01:34:47:22

Brad Singletary

Stop. And, you know, and that and that has helped you live in some way. I mean, that’s that’s been beneficial, not just for something cool to do, but you’re saying it’s helped you with your emotional healing, putting that stuff there, it’s made you reflect on who you are. So what’s the relationship like with your mom these days?

 

01:34:48:18 – 01:35:18:16

Colt Johnson

There really isn’t much of a relationship. You know when we when we were together, we either don’t have much come out of it or we just argue. It just seems like I think we’re just tired of of being together like this. We’re tired of the old routine. We need to change it and we don’t know how to get out of it because it’s just it’s like a balloon that’s about ready to pop, you know, all this life of tension, you know, I’m sure she wants more.

 

01:35:18:16 – 01:35:30:17

Colt Johnson

She doesn’t want to always be my noticed to as my mother. And I always want her having to take care of me, you know? So something’s going to happen. It’s going to pop, but we’ll see what happens.

 

01:35:30:17 – 01:35:58:21

Brad Singletary

Well, I hope that you two can, you know, just talk and have some conversations. And maybe what you end up with is just recognizing how she to become the person that she has become. You know, your story, I think I don’t know if this stuff is out there anywhere else publicly, but some of the things that you’ve shared here probably are unknown by a lot of those haters out there who just picked on your bad choices and bad behavior and whatever.

 

01:35:58:21 – 01:36:39:23

Brad Singletary

Some of this stuff this is, you can see how it could become this way. You could see how well, first of all, we’re all just human and flawed anyway. And then with some of the things that you talked about in your development, just growing up in your family, some trauma, some grief and loss, the just the crazy, you know, guilt that you talked about, feeling about that with your dad and then just kind of out of necessity for both living with your mom for until you your living with your mom and till the present day, pretty much.

 

01:36:39:23 – 01:37:07:21

Colt Johnson

Yeah. I mean, just it’s life, you know, it’s just it’s just kind of snowballs into it. You know, when I think when people live in this raw, emotional state, you know, emotion, emotion, fear to fear instant gratification, vacation, they don’t understand. They don’t know how to get out of that. They don’t understand. They have a life outside of whatever that to take care of the next itch.

 

01:37:08:08 – 01:37:26:10

Colt Johnson

So there wasn’t any evolution in my life for many years, either as an individual or my relationship with any other person. And that’s just how my mother is, too, right? I don’t know what happened, but she kind of stopped and I stopped and we just kind of froze for many years.

 

01:37:27:06 – 01:37:32:25

Brad Singletary

You started back up again? I started I have the sense that you’re you know, you’ve got some momentum like things are.

 

01:37:33:14 – 01:37:33:24

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:37:34:02 – 01:37:38:13

Brad Singletary

Happening for you and a good direction where are you where are you headed in life right now.

 

01:37:38:13 – 01:38:08:10

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So, you know, I kind of lost track as a lot of things, you know. But lately I’ve been trying to take more charge of my my life, you know, trying to feel better about myself, trying to right now I’m looking for work. So that should be exciting. Going back the field myself or developer by day. So, you know, it’s just, you know, I just want to be there more and just to take control of my life and start making plans for the future.

 

01:38:08:10 – 01:38:09:23

Colt Johnson

That’s something I really want to be doing and.

 

01:38:10:04 – 01:38:11:05

Brad Singletary

Set some goals.

 

01:38:11:05 – 01:38:25:13

Colt Johnson

And some goals and really build like that. My relation with my wife right now is very important. So building on that and seeing where that goes, like just having lasting, lasting roots is something very important to me. Most important thing to me right now.

 

01:38:26:22 – 01:38:32:26

Brad Singletary

What are her major complaints of you? I know she’s good. She’s got the worries about the women, the womanizing or whatever, but.

 

01:38:33:02 – 01:38:53:09

Colt Johnson

She don’t trust me. She’ll never trust me. She thinks I’m talking to ten girls. She closes the door, go to the bathroom and ten girls come in and give me blowjobs and leave right away. You know, so that does affect us a lot. And I think that’s going to if we can’t get over that, it’s going to lead to us probably not being together because it’s just that’s a foundation to a relationship.

 

01:38:53:09 – 01:39:14:19

Colt Johnson

It’s respect. Trust leads to respect, respect leads to love and various other things. So she you know, and it’s just we’re both kind of lost in our own ways and I hope we can make it through. You know, I’m really trying I’m going to therapy and we’re trying harder, you know, and I mean, I’m in I’m in it to win it.

 

01:39:15:19 – 01:39:35:09

Brad Singletary

That’s good to hear, man. You know, a lot of the guys that have been on our show are nowhere near as popular as you. Some many of they’ve done some cool things. But no, no one is as widely known as you are. But millions and millions of people throughout the world know who this guy is. I feel very lucky to be sitting here with you, but I.

 

01:39:35:22 – 01:39:49:02

Brad Singletary

I loved the idea of having you on here because you’re in the middle of figuring it out. And that’s the stuff I really feel like my dad would say it takes 40 years to build a man and 40 years to build a marriage.

 

01:39:49:11 – 01:39:49:22

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:39:50:16 – 01:40:08:26

Brad Singletary

And so the point is, hang on, be be cool with yourself like you’re not even if what if we said you’re not even a full adult yet, like he’s just beginning like this is the beginning. Like you’re really, you’re not that far behind. I swear. I tell people I grew up. I became an adult when I was 38.

 

01:40:09:25 – 01:40:10:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:40:10:13 – 01:40:28:08

Brad Singletary

It’s like was 20 years behind, but it was like, oh, I, I’m thinking the way I think adults, other adults, you know, like that I graduated high school with, they went on and did really cool successful things and have been stable and balanced. I was in all and until I was 38. Yeah and.

 

01:40:28:23 – 01:40:29:09

Colt Johnson

Hey man.

 

01:40:29:13 – 01:40:31:23

Brad Singletary

So yeah you’re right around there what, 30.

 

01:40:31:23 – 01:40:32:04

Colt Johnson

Seven.

 

01:40:32:04 – 01:40:33:24

Brad Singletary

Thirties. Okay. See, so you’re.

 

01:40:33:24 – 01:40:54:25

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I don’t know. Is it just like as you get older, you just want to find things that matter. You see those less, less days ahead? Well, you know, so, like, you understand taking a drink or getting a kiss or whatever, they don’t have the same type of effects as having a child or having a legacy or right.

 

01:40:54:29 – 01:41:03:13

Colt Johnson

Or having a marriage. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like you mean as get older, you need more things to get you out of bed or get you excited. Yeah.

 

01:41:03:13 – 01:41:23:27

Brad Singletary

What you value changes. I mean, I think it all it all matter. So I love I love the way you’re maturing I love the things that you’re talking about. I don’t I haven’t I’ve watched very little of those shows, by the way, but I I’m guessing that it’s never gotten really deep like this. And and I just love that you shared what the person that you really are.

 

01:41:24:04 – 01:41:24:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:41:25:02 – 01:41:34:28

Brad Singletary

That’s who I’ve felt here today is just that there there’s this real you this real cold. Johnson is a guy who is living life, trying to figure things out.

 

01:41:35:18 – 01:41:54:17

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I as much as people think they know me from television, I’m still very much private. You know, I still a lot of stuff I talked about with you today. I no one knows. I mean, I never talk about it publicly. Really. So you know, it’s not that I’m, you know, I don’t want to talk about myself. It’s just I don’t want to bother people.

 

01:41:54:18 – 01:42:11:21

Colt Johnson

I think whatever, just my life, my burden to you or anybody else. So but, you know, I just talking, you know, right now it’s really liberating and you’re really a good listener. And, you know, I and I really appreciate what you do and the work you do and and, you know, and our relationship, you know, I’ve learned a lot from you.

 

01:42:11:26 – 01:42:20:09

Colt Johnson

And I always say I wouldn’t be where I am right now without your influence, you know? So I want to thank you for that.

 

01:42:21:09 – 01:42:32:17

Brad Singletary

You bet, brother. What is the I want to wrap up here with a couple of generic questions. Ask everybody, what is the most manly alpha thing about you?

 

01:42:32:26 – 01:42:49:29

Colt Johnson

The most manly alpha is they about me? I don’t know. Cause That’s a tough question. Uh, I said I don’t. I’m. I mean, what’s what’s some. Is that like shooting guns or whatever or.

 

01:42:50:05 – 01:43:06:17

Brad Singletary

No No, just the most grown up thing, the most the the mature is the, you know, the most valuable part of you that is like wisdom or what’s what’s your superpower, what’s your special thing that you’ve developed in that?

 

01:43:06:23 – 01:43:30:13

Colt Johnson

I, I think, I think I don’t know. It’s thinking, I like to think a lot. I think I observing, I think I’m very good observer of people, you know, and I think that’s helped a lot, especially on television and just, you know, in life in general. Yeah. And just having connection with people. I think a lot of people will tell you how they want to be treated and you just have to pay.

 

01:43:30:13 – 01:43:38:25

Brad Singletary

Mm hmm. That’s good. I believe that about you. I believe that you’re a good watcher of people. You can’t seduce all these pretty women without.

 

01:43:40:13 – 01:43:40:21

Colt Johnson

Being.

 

01:43:40:21 – 01:43:54:23

Brad Singletary

Able to listen a little bit and complain that you never listen to a good listen. So. All right. And then tell me one thing that you really want to push for, say, in the next. You know, days. What do you want to make really happen?

 

01:43:55:16 – 01:44:15:05

Colt Johnson

I, uh, I want to hit the gym more. I’ve been kind of slacking on that kind of. My wife’s been dieting, having a healthier diet, and I just kind of want to join in more on that next 90 days. I want to push myself a little harder and and try to shed some more pounds and get a little more stamina back.

 

01:44:15:14 – 01:44:16:18

Brad Singletary

Good for you, too.

 

01:44:16:19 – 01:44:17:06

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:44:17:11 – 01:44:28:14

Brad Singletary

So, man, it’s been so good to have you here today. I feel like we just opened up all these cans of worms. I don’t know if we closed all the topics or not, but I just have a I have a ton of respect for you.

 

01:44:28:27 – 01:44:29:24

Colt Johnson

Thank you for. I do.

 

01:44:29:24 – 01:44:45:27

Brad Singletary

Man. I you know, I, I, I don’t know if it’s my job that makes me just, I don’t have the judgment that a lot of people have. And so if they said, Oh, I cheated on this one, but this one and this is this shady thing that I just know that that’s a person trying to figure it out.

 

01:44:46:27 – 01:44:47:10

Brad Singletary

You know.

 

01:44:47:25 – 01:44:58:27

Colt Johnson

I’m definitely a work in progress, you know, and I people like you definitely helped me along. And I, I think I’m on a good path right now and I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next.

 

01:44:59:06 – 01:45:05:19

Brad Singletary

Same here, brother. Dude, thank you so much. I just. I don’t see you much on social media anymore. Are you on there, too?

 

01:45:05:22 – 01:45:06:11

Colt Johnson

You know.

 

01:45:06:11 – 01:45:06:24

Brad Singletary

You’re.

 

01:45:07:05 – 01:45:11:03

Colt Johnson

I’m trying to stay clean. You know, social media is depressing. It’s it’s hard.

 

01:45:11:23 – 01:45:13:16

Brad Singletary

You go out. Have you totally kind.

 

01:45:13:16 – 01:45:16:13

Colt Johnson

Of been on Instagram since last year, like November.

 

01:45:16:13 – 01:45:20:11

Brad Singletary

So it’s not that you’re just not posting. You’re not even going tonight browsing.

 

01:45:20:17 – 01:45:21:15

Colt Johnson

I’m not that’s.

 

01:45:21:15 – 01:45:24:16

Brad Singletary

The most helpful thing right there. That’s I love it. Why?

 

01:45:25:01 – 01:45:30:02

Colt Johnson

Well, I mean, after you read a million negative comments about yourself.

 

01:45:30:02 – 01:45:31:23

Brad Singletary

I saw your pictures online.

 

01:45:31:29 – 01:45:50:11

Colt Johnson

But now if you want to go down that rabbit hole, it feel like you feel like your life is part of this algorithm, this whole like, media, like, what’s the topics you care about? Well, let me go check. I don’t want I want to care about the things I care about. And I have things I’d like. Just tell me when I should feel I care about.

 

01:45:50:11 – 01:46:09:08

Colt Johnson

So those are media’s easy trap to just straight launch day and have a stream of talking points and thoughts or feelings, you know, to for everyone to share with. And once you’re out of that system, you start having other things, care about other things, thinking about the things that no one else cares about, but it feels great.

 

01:46:09:28 – 01:46:25:21

Brad Singletary

Dude, that is super cool because you probably have a whole billion bunch of people following you and it would be plenty of that’s constant supply of dopamine. You know, there’s messaging and there’s all this stuff and this whatever and you just opted out.

 

01:46:25:21 – 01:46:32:19

Colt Johnson

That’s bad too. That’s a lot of bad chances. Influences. I want to be a good person too. So that’s another thing to kind of like, you know, is your.

 

01:46:32:19 – 01:46:33:19

Brad Singletary

Wife make you do that?

 

01:46:33:21 – 01:46:40:18

Colt Johnson

Well, she didn’t make me, but it’s something that I feel like will help our relationship. And since I said that’s more important, I’ll do that.

 

01:46:40:18 – 01:46:58:15

Brad Singletary

Do not see. That’s something to respect right there. You got a whole bunch of people following you, all kinds of pretty women sending you everything you can imagine. And yes, there’s hateful things in there too, or whatever, but that you have access to a whole lot of attention.

 

01:46:58:23 – 01:46:59:12

Colt Johnson

Archive.

 

01:46:59:17 – 01:47:04:29

Brad Singletary

And you end in the world. Yeah. And then you and you just gave it up because that’s not good for your.

 

01:47:04:29 – 01:47:06:03

Colt Johnson

Marriage and good for me.

 

01:47:06:03 – 01:47:06:27

Brad Singletary

So now that.

 

01:47:07:06 – 01:47:07:21

Colt Johnson

For anything.

 

01:47:07:25 – 01:47:12:13

Brad Singletary

Now listen to listen to this guy. You sound like you get no sage.

 

01:47:12:13 – 01:47:14:02

Colt Johnson

Like, look like a wizard. My life.

 

01:47:14:10 – 01:47:34:13

Brad Singletary

Is. I love it, dude. You have depth. That’s That is what I that is what you know you just can’t capture that on the stories and the shows and stuff. We’re just talking about, you know, this relationship. I don’t know if you if it could be captured or if it has been, but every conversation I ever had was I just felt this profound depth to it.

 

01:47:34:27 – 01:47:46:05

Brad Singletary

We’re not talking bullshit. We’re not talking. You know, what’s playing at the movies? You’re where you just jump right into meaningful things that are going on for you or other people.

 

01:47:46:05 – 01:47:54:15

Colt Johnson

So that’s life. That’s that’s I think people forget that. Like, it’s not what’s trending that’s important. It’s what’s inside you that matters.

 

01:47:55:21 – 01:48:17:10

Brad Singletary

I love it, man. You’re just a remarkable person. I just think that, you know, you’re you’re learning. You’ve allowed yourself to be made fun of really to be I mean, the amusement of others. It has been. Yeah, you’ve it’s been entertaining to a lot of people. That’s why you kept being re invited I guess they said oh yeah this, guy’s golden boy.

 

01:48:17:10 – 01:48:19:23

Colt Johnson

A lot of people burn out too, right? They can’t handle.

 

01:48:20:19 – 01:48:22:17

Brad Singletary

All that emotion and the pressure.

 

01:48:22:17 – 01:48:51:06

Colt Johnson

And so they go down the surgeries, the whatever path that they have to do to stop that, you know? And they got to lose weight. They got to bulk up. They got to change their parents, you know, then they they they start becoming they become something else. They become whatever the public opinion algorithm wants them to be, you know, and that’s usually a doll or a robot or a horrible thing.

 

01:48:52:04 – 01:49:12:02

Colt Johnson

So you can’t you can’t let. Those things all the life. That’s a thing I learned from the show, you know, in one ear, out the other. I appreciate the the energy projected at you, whether it’s good or bad take it as it’s just the energy and whether it’s, you know, people loving you or any of that doesn’t really matter as such.

 

01:49:12:02 – 01:49:15:21

Colt Johnson

You can just ignore that part. If they don’t love you really. Right. They don’t know.

 

01:49:15:23 – 01:49:16:17

Brad Singletary

They don’t even know you.

 

01:49:16:21 – 01:49:31:09

Colt Johnson

So how can they love you? Can they hear you? They can. They can have attention. Energy projected towards you. You know, if you. So we just harvest that that nugget of it and get rid of the waste of the rest. It can go pretty far with it.

 

01:49:32:07 – 01:49:40:20

Brad Singletary

Wow. So awesome to talk to you, man. I hope that we can. We can. We may have to do this again and check in with you here in a little while. Yeah.

 

01:49:40:21 – 01:49:42:02

Colt Johnson

And exciting.

 

01:49:42:02 – 01:49:43:08

Brad Singletary

New technology. Yeah.

 

01:49:43:08 – 01:49:48:21

Colt Johnson

Updates to talk about it too much. But you know, hopefully I’ll see you again in a few months.

 

01:49:48:23 – 01:50:05:17

Brad Singletary

Like a man becoming feel. Yes yeah. I love your progress. Just what you’re trying to do to to distance yourself from the things that aren’t really going to bring you joy and really try to come closer to that does sounds like right now that’s Vanessa.

 

01:50:06:12 – 01:50:11:12

Colt Johnson

My marriage and that’s trying to be just trying to figure out myself that’s the most important.

 

01:50:11:12 – 01:50:25:23

Brad Singletary

Thing right I called thank you so much, man. Appreciate it again. Hey, I’ve got a couple of things I’m going to dig out of a box here. I’ve got a hat and a t shirt. Maybe I’ll throw out the swag, dude. All right, man. Take care. We’ll see you guys sharing stories of men who are doing great things.

 

01:50:25:27 – 01:50:49:27

Brad Singletary

In the case of Colt Johnson here, he’s done some great things in that he’s been on multiple seasons of multiple TV shows. And much of that was his bad behavior, as he described earlier. And he wants to be a different person and he wants to try to grow and he wants to put away things that aren’t really serving him in the things that he wants.

 

01:50:49:27 – 01:51:23:28

Brad Singletary

He just wants love. That’s all he’s ever wanted. He hasn’t quite known how to do that because of some of the circumstances of his upbringing and the circumstances of the upbringing of, the people who brought him up. So we appreciate you being here today, Colt. You guys, wherever you are in life, whatever it is that you’re doing, whatever it is that you’ve failed in, whatever has happened to your relationships, whatever happened in your family growing up, you can make a decision to make your own path, can make a decision to set boundaries.

 

01:51:23:28 – 01:51:43:01

Brad Singletary

That was one of the real golden things that Colt shared here earlier, that confidence is a reflection of your boundaries and that may be something that you need help with. If you do reach out to me, I’ll put any links to Colt in case anybody wants to reach out to him and ask for a copy of his pictures.

 

01:51:43:17 – 01:51:50:12

Brad Singletary

It’s of his pictures. Until next time, you guys. No excuses, Alpha gentleman.

 

01:51:51:01 – 01:51:56:24

Outro

You are the alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

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