ALPHA SHOT: One-minute Sample
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ALIVE IN EVERY MOMENT
An alpha is engaged. He lives in the moment, recognizing the value of his opportunities and he seizes them like a soldier captures his enemy. He’s a master at influencing the energy around him. He works hard and plays hard, keeping his own emotions and reactions in check and taking care of whatever’s important in the moment. He’s not just a dreamer, but a doer. And he fearlessly puts himself in situations that bring life to himself and those he is associated with.
Today we welcome back a man who epitomizes what it means to be an alpha, especially in his ability to live life with no excuses and instead strives to engage himself in every situation with strength. We begin talking ADHD and managing distractions. Justin shares how he has learned to use this condition as a superpower by “making friends with it.” We discuss how to focus on the demands of home life, which include allowing your partner to be “Alpha too.” That means that if they are highly invested in order and cleanliness, you can “take orders” without having your value threatened. Finally, Taco Mike and Justin discuss the value of play, and specifically outdoor adventures with other men as a requirement for lasting friendships and personal fulfillment. 🔺️
Brad Singletary (00:00:00):
An alpha is engaged. He lives in the moment recognizing the value of his opportunities and he seizes them like a soldier captures his enemy. He’s a master at influencing the energy around him. He works hard and plays hard, keeping his own emotions and reactions in check and taking care of whatever’s important in the moment. He’s not just a dreamer, but a doer. And he fearlessly puts himself in situations that bring life to himself and those he is associated with. Today we welcome back a man who epitomizes what it means to be an alpha, especially in his ability to live life with no excuses and instead strives to engage himself in every situation with strength.
Speaker 2 (00:00:51):
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible, you are strong, you are a leader. You are a force for good gentlemen. You are the alpha, and this is the alpha core
Brad Singletary (00:01:16):
Back to the alpha quorum show. Brad Singletary here, I’m here again with taco Mike, you’ve made this whole thing famous. This, this should be the taco Mike show, I think because it always kind of sucks if you’re not on the show. So, so glad you’re here tonight, brother too kind. Thank you, Brad. Also welcoming back again, Justin Mackie Justin is the 20, 20 alpha quorum father of the year.
Justin Mackie (00:01:41):
Thank you, Mike. That’s impressive. I was here the whole time.
Brad Singletary (00:01:48):
So today we’re talking about engagement, which means that a man participates in life with good vibes. He isn’t just involved. He manages himself and he brings value to the situation he brings value to the time that he has, whether his activity is alone or with other people. I wanted to include Justin on this taco, Mike for sure is definitely has strength in this area too, because you play a lot. You do a lot of cool things. I follow you on Instagram. At one point, I asked you how in the world could you afford to do all these kinds of things? He said, it’s not about money. It’s about I’m the master of my time or something along those lines. And you seem to spend a lot of time enjoying leisure. Your recreation is important to you. When I say leisure, I don’t mean relaxing and lazy.
Brad Singletary (00:02:39):
I mean, you just really doing whatever you want. I’ve seen you all over the place, doing cool things. In talking about engagement, you know, being fully present you told me that you had no something about ADHD, which I think is kind of a, it’s sometimes a little bit over discussed, but also for many men under communicated, you know, that that’s something that people should know more about. And so if being present and listening and being where you are and being able to have the energy to do what you need to do is an important attribute of a solid man. Something like ADHD could get in the way. Do you have ADHD?
Justin Mackie (00:03:20):
You know, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve never been diagnosed with it. I mean I don’t know technically, but I would, I would definitely say that I check all the boxes personally. And yeah, I, I I’ve struggled with it. He has to track of what he was saying.
Speaker 5 (00:03:38):
Yeah. Squirrel, squirrel
Taco Mike (00:03:40):
Check, check, check. Okay.
Justin Mackie (00:03:43):
And, and it’s I went from it being a struggle to being something that if I can, if I can keep it in the right place, it’s a massive benefit. And so for me, I, don’t only try to overcome it and stay focused and stay on task, but use it like it’s a superpower to allow me to do many different things at once and, and be productive in, in spin many plates. So what did, what
Brad Singletary (00:04:19):
Did it look like, you know, in your younger life? Or how would we, if we’re watching the video of your, of your story, what do we see that we started to say that Justin Mackey he’s a little attention deficit or whatever, what do we see? Is it hyperactivity or is it more the attention side of things like concentration? Yeah.
Justin Mackie (00:04:36):
Yeah. You know, I was, I was never really a big, ah, when I was young, I was, I found it hard to read and, and comprehend what I was reading. You know, and I don’t mean comprehended as in, I read the words and didn’t understand them. I mean, comprehension to the fact that I would read three phase three pages or I’d get to the end of a chapter in a book that I had to read at school and realize that I was reading the words the entire time, but there was no story playing in my mind. I was thinking about airplanes or motorcycles or girls or, you know, whatever. But I was physically reading a book. I was physically reading.
Brad Singletary (00:05:17):
You guys are moving, but your brain is in another place.
Taco Mike (00:05:21):
Like when you drive somewhere and then you just realize like, oh, I’m here at work. How did I gain that?
Justin Mackie (00:05:26):
I’ve done that. Yeah, absolutely. It’s scary. Isn’t it? Yeah. Yeah.
Brad Singletary (00:05:31):
So you’re disconnecting from the thing you’re supposed to be doing. Yeah. So that probably caused trouble with grades. You said school and Sophia
Justin Mackie (00:05:40):
Really a, a great student because, you know, I wasn’t, I wasn’t engaged. I had a hard time when I was younger in school with, with looking to what I was being taught as being relevant in my life. Like, you know, w why am I, if it wasn’t relevant, if, if the couldn’t tie it in for me, or help me see that you learning this right now is going to help you do this down the road. I was like, yeah, I’m out. This, this is pointless. So, you know, I was, I was elsewhere. I was planning in my mind.
Brad Singletary (00:06:16):
I hope those teachers are following you on Instagram. I hope not eat those, eat their words that they probably,
Justin Mackie (00:06:23):
Well, I mean, that’s, you know, a lot of what, you know, number one, Instagram, isn’t real. Right. So let’s all be real about Instagram. I mean, that’s, you know, not where my life really looks like. I mean, yes, I take those pictures. Yes. I was in those places. Yes, I’m doing that. But you know, I, there’s not pictures of working late at night or on weekends or early in the morning, or, you know,
Taco Mike (00:06:47):
Trying to get the boys to bed, trying to get them to clean their rooms,
Justin Mackie (00:06:50):
Brush their teeth. Yeah. My wife to come back home, you know, all that stuff.
Brad Singletary (00:06:55):
So you’re saying you’ve turned that into a superpower, like, that’s, that kind of follows with the episode that you’re in way before, where you were talking about,
Speaker 5 (00:07:05):
You know, multiply it,
Brad Singletary (00:07:07):
Leverage it. You’re saying I’ve leveraged a freaking mental disorder, which I’m not saying you have ADHD. It is what it is, but I’ve harnessed that for my benefit. That’s a bad-ass
Justin Mackie (00:07:19):
Right there. Yeah. You know the first time I really, I really heard somebody that I look up to put it that way. I, I don’t profess it all to be the one who came up with that. And then I was like, wait, I do that. There’s a guy named Mike Paty, Mike Paty lives in Sandy, Utah in the aviation community. He’s a God. And if you get a chance, look up Mike Patey on, on Instagram or on YouTube, Instagram
Brad Singletary (00:07:49):
To tag him in the show. Yeah. So
Justin Mackie (00:07:52):
Anyway, he and his, he’s got a twin brother and they speak on stage at ADHD conferences and their entire pitch is we’ve taken this and made it our superpower. And, you know, I listened to them and I actually, I got involved watching his YouTube videos because of his aviation content. And then somehow it led me into like, well, hold on. He does this too. And that led me down that path. And, and so, yeah, I think that as somebody who struggles with ADHD and, and remaining focused, you can also use that as you know, I’ve come to learn that most people aren’t able to have five different things going at any one given time,
Brad Singletary (00:08:43):
Especially men, that’s literally true scientifically about the male brain so that it would be a superpower. If you can entertain multiple thoughts or multiple projects or multiple things, that’s why women are so often frustrated with the guy who’s not listening or whatever. Cause he, they really literally can’t really think typical guy can’t really think of more than one thought at one time. So if you’re, if you’re saying you’ve noticed that you could do that, that’s pretty cool.
Justin Mackie (00:09:09):
Yeah. There’s, there’s a lot of things, you know, I do a lot of planning for our motorcycle trips and adventures. And a lot of times there’s three or four of them being planned at once. And you know, everything that goes along with life and planning and, you know, that’s I think that that’s one of the ways that I’m able to do a lot of the things I’m able to do back to back to back. And it’s not it’s, it’s not exhausting. It’s still fun. I’m onto the next thing. It’s, I’m not stuck in the past. I’m onto the next
Brad Singletary (00:09:42):
Taco Mike you’ve I’m not trying to diagnose you here either, but you’ve talked about being a little scatterbrained or whatever at times all the disorders [inaudible]
Justin Mackie (00:09:53):
Just to open page, put your finger down.
Brad Singletary (00:09:57):
So do you relate to what he’s talking about? Cause you seem to always have a whole multitude of things going on and tons of energy and just focus. But you know, you said your wife hates how your garage, how you keep thinking your tools are disorganized or whatever is this,
Taco Mike (00:10:13):
Do you relate to this super spazzy brain? And that’s why Justin and I are buds and why I want him to play the, do all the action scenes. I’ll
Justin Mackie (00:10:19):
Do the love scenes in the middle of my life. You do the action scene. Okay. And that’s your stunt double. You can
Taco Mike (00:10:24):
Step up. This is why I think so, you know, some birds of a feather flock together and being scatterbrained is a superpower. And I completely agree. I’ve, I’ve dabbled with that concept of taking your deficiencies and turning them into your superpower. And I, and I have experienced that in the 12 step journey that I have personally walked to my own life. And I’ve walked it first for myself. And then after for others living in active step 12. And one of the things that has been real to me is the fact that everybody who comes into 12 step has a shitstorm story to tell they’ve all got, nobody cares, really what your story is like, oh, cool story, bro. You know, like somebody comes in and they’re like this and that. And the other thing and yeah, it just interesting story, but I don’t care. I don’t care that those details are your details. I may care about you and I care about, but your story doesn’t make you special. And the more you think you’re, this is a little minor tangent. And then I’ll jump back to, I was talking about, I just feel like I should mention this ADHD all over the place. See,
Justin Mackie (00:11:33):
Right. Even when I talk, I’m sort of scared of
Taco Mike (00:11:36):
When someone thinks they’re special, that level of narcissism is debilitating and then we’ll continue to trap them. I just wanted to make that point to veer back the through-line. I think of, of a 12 step journey, a healthy through line for me anyway, is my catastrophe. My own personal catastrophes are my hidden superpower because I am no longer afraid of personal catastrophe. I’m no longer afraid of embarrassment. I’m not afraid of what people will say behind my back. I’m not afraid of failure. I’m not afraid to, to self-inflict failure. I’m not, I’m virtually, I’m not afraid of death. I’m virtually immune or beyond feeling. Maybe that’s not the exact way to say it, but I’m beyond caring about the outcomes of certain things. My wife and I have faced huge trials and I’m not afraid of divorce. I’m not afraid of, I’m not afraid of there’s so many things that I am just not afraid of.
Taco Mike (00:12:34):
That’s not to say I want to invite them, but they don’t scare me. And I’m not sitting on the edge and the ledge looking over the canyon, wondering when will I get pushed? I don’t care if I get put, I don’t care. Like it doesn’t matter. I don’t really care. So to be at a place where you can, just where I can just look super critically at all my flaws and faults in, you know, the dumpster fire that is my, the totality of my life. And then to look for ways to, to see strengths in that. And then to find like the opportunities there to me, that’s like, you know, our other show, we talked about tools. So why wouldn’t I look at the Dole knife in my tool box and think, well, what kind of, how can I Polish that? What can I do?
Taco Mike (00:13:25):
Like I’m not going to throw that knife away. Cause I, I, maybe I can’t. Right. Maybe there’s just, maybe I’m predisposed and I’m wired for certain personality attributes. I can’t separate myself and I can’t solve it. So how can I be F Y how can I make friends with it? It sounds like you’re friends with your demons. You’re friends with the shadow side of you. And I don’t mean to disparage any of these, the many, many personality. I’m not seeing this personality defect, but many of the personality ticks that you have that I have, that we all have. These are not, these are not negatives. These are positives. That’s, that’s a beautifully mature and beautifully responsible and super alpha place to get to. It sounds like this, what’s his name? Mike PD, Paty. Paty is doing it. Do you guys have any examples, Brad, I’d love to hear what you have to say about this of other dudes, you know, who have these flaws, these demons, again, I’m not saying that any of these are demons, but I’m just throwing it out there that do you know anybody with some of these things that could be labeled as these deficits and yet they’re somehow kicking in spite of that?
Taco Mike (00:14:39):
Brad Singletary (00:14:40):
Yeah. Things like OCD, you know, someone’s really particular, very detail oriented or whatever, and they continue to do it until it’s perfect. And their, you know, their efforts may look a little rigid, looks a little psychotic, you know, when you’re locking the door a hundred times and it has to be in a particular, you know, to the melody of like, you know, Yankee doodle or whatever. And if you, if you mess it up, you gotta start it over. But on the job that person’s killing it, or they have, you know, their, their place is really clean or they have, I would say there’s things like that, that I know about where people have what looks like a weakness, but they can capitalize on that. Somehow harness
Taco Mike (00:15:19):
It, use it, turn it into the super power.
Justin Mackie (00:15:23):
I was having a conversation actually with my brother just this morning, actually. And we got on the topic of, of something that I think is really common. And I don’t, I don’t know that it’s a disorder or a tick or Paula, what you will, Brad, you could probably shed a little light on it, but it’s imposter syndrome. And I think that’s a very huge limiting factor for a lot of people that if they can get to the point like we’re at with ADHD or, or something else like that, or like, you’re, you know, Brad, you’re making the example of somebody with an OCD that makes that a benefit in their life. You know, somebody that’s feeling imposter syndrome. I think that’s a major limiting factor that people get over and it’s super common. And I was talking, I had the conversation with my brother about it this morning and we were laughing about it. Cause he was telling me about the way something made him feel. And
Taco Mike (00:16:16):
Was he kind of admitting to it? He was copping to it. Yeah,
Justin Mackie (00:16:18):
He was. And he was laughing about it. Cause he’s like, I don’t know why I feel this way, but this is the way I was, I was in this meeting and I felt this way, you know, and we were having that conversation and we laughed about it and overcoming it. And I think that it’s about overcoming those types of things, whether it’s ADHD or whether it’s imposter syndrome or whether it’s an OCD or something that is a limiting factor.
Taco Mike (00:16:41):
It’s about money beliefs about like who you are as a person. I’m not enough. Nobody loves me. I’ll never like make it in this job, this title, this, whatever you could spend, that thousand different ways
Justin Mackie (00:16:53):
You really could. And I mentioned in the previous podcast that I was on with the guys that about being in sales and I spent a lot of years in sales and I was a student of sales. And I started when I was young and sales is to me the best thing that ever happened in life because it unlocked life’s potential for me. And I think anybody that’s able to replicate, whether it’s in sales or something like sales to achieve, you know, what you can in that space by unlocking your potential or being kind of forced to either quit or unlock your potential is a huge benefit. So in that space, there’s fear. Everything is based on fear in sales. Yes. It’s, it’s fear of rejection. So you’re, you’re going to go up and you’re going to say hi to somebody. You’re going to take the up Braddon.
Justin Mackie (00:17:56):
And, and you’re going to go say hi to somebody you don’t know. And you have no idea ahead of time how that conversation’s going to go and you have to be okay with that. You have to swallow that fear and you have to swallow the fear of rejection and you have to swallow the fear of imposter syndrome. And you have to swallow all of these fears to get what you want, which is a paycheck. And I think people that can take themselves down that road, whether it’s, you know, in sales, I’ve helped. A lot of people get into sales that were struggling socially or struggling in life. And sales literally like rejuvenated their life because they had to face all of their human fears.
Brad Singletary (00:18:37):
I taught them that they could do the thing that they feared. They just had to take a step.
Justin Mackie (00:18:43):
Well, you get a take. What other thing can you do in your life? Where you have to take 50 ups a day where there’s 50 new people walk in the door and you have to go, hi, I’m Justin and shake their hand and greet them. And what other opportunity do you get in life to take that many ups it’s law of large numbers. You know, you survive because you, you got to figure it out. You know, if you’re fearful of that. So, so
Brad Singletary (00:19:11):
We’re talking about engagement. So this is all doing Mike, you’re talking about the fearlessness. This is we’re talking about doing when it comes to, you know, on the job, people, men, most of the guys listened to the show probably hard workers and they do well when it comes to like family stuff and being at home. One of these red nine things talks about, you know, you work hard on the job and you work hard at home. There’s just work to be done later. We’ll talk about leisure and recreation. But like when it comes to the doing overcoming the fear or resistance internally or distractions or whatever it may be, how do you guys stay focused in your household with your families? That’s a good question. Brad, let me ask you this. Just curious real quick, be honest. Do you play video games?
Justin Mackie (00:20:03):
I have a video game console. I love video games. I do enjoy them. I haven’t played video games in years. But there’s been, there’s like a one game came out a couple of years back and a buddy had it and I sat down and played it and I beat it like in one night and kind of dove into it and play it ever again. Like I stayed up until three o’clock in the morning, drank mountains, did the whole thing and I don’t play video games, so,
Brad Singletary (00:20:29):
Oh, you’re balling. That’s I don’t know. I just, my video games never trust TV. I know Mike hates TV because he spells it like this T E E that’s like I’m not a TV guy. I don’t, I don’t, I want, I don’t need to be entertained, but yeah. So being engaged in your family and your home, you know, the trash has got to be taken out there’s things to do. You got the honey do list and we kind of cliche thing about, oh, you don’t have to keep reminding me every six months. I’ll do it. You know, I’ll get around to it. But some of that is because we’re busy. We do need to check out. We do have to relax. We got to sleep sometimes and all that. But I think far too many men are just checked out. I mean, I know guys right now who are living in Las Vegas, 110, 115 degrees, there is nothing cooling their home. It’s an older home with a swamp cooler, which is broken. And because he doesn’t ask the question, take the up, do whatever he’s living inside his house. And he’s okay with that.
Taco Mike (00:21:31):
You mean the ma he’s accepted the misery because of his, his inability to like change his circumstances, his, his unwillingness to like take an up, he’s just resigned to his fate. Like, well, me then, you know, I guess I’ll lose it here. Yeah. Yeah. That’s kind of
Brad Singletary (00:21:47):
Any man who’s failing or is broken. There’s a level of disengagement. He’s checked out spiritually in his relationships. He’s checked out from his job. He’s checked out. So how do we stay checked in? And I’m guess I’m particularly talking about at home. That’s not the funniest place. Yeah,
Justin Mackie (00:22:05):
Yeah, absolutely. You know, my wife choosing the right wife is, is how I do that. You know, my wife and I don’t have a perfect marriage. It’s never been perfect. I don’t think anybody’s marriage is perfect. It’s had its ups and downs, but I love her to death. And she’s very opposite to me. You know, we’re, we’re opposites. What she finds important. I don’t really find so important. And what I find really important. She’s like, well, what are you even worried about?
Brad Singletary (00:22:32):
She’s like, she’s good looking and smart. You’re not exactly none of those.
Justin Mackie (00:22:38):
She’s a bulldog at home. Cleanliness put away organized squared away and that’s like her domain. And I’m more lax with that stuff. You know, I’m not a slob, but at the same. And I like, I like a nice clean space, but you don’t mind if there’s a spoon in the sink. Yeah. I’m, I’m not thinking about it. My mind is like, my mind is elsewhere. My mind is not there. Hers is. And I’ve found that having that other half, that’s worried about what, you’re not her eyes on the other ball. Right. I just have to be cognizant of that and follow her lead. She asked me to take the trash out. I take the trash out now. I’m never going to think like, I should take the trash out. I’m
Brad Singletary (00:23:28):
Not anticipating it the way she does. Nope.
Justin Mackie (00:23:31):
And she understands that about me. You know, at first in our marriage, she was off because she had to ask me to take the trash out. Like, do you not also see that the trash is full?
Speaker 5 (00:23:44):
That’s funny. Every man’s heard that line. And if it’s trash, it’s something else it’s mow the lawn or the roof needs the toilets
Justin Mackie (00:23:53):
Answer, which is what I say, which how I’m still married. I have no idea. God bless her. So what I say is like, well actually I was thinking about the motorcycle ride. I’m going on next week. And I didn’t even see the trashcan. I didn’t know we had, I didn’t even
Justin Mackie (00:24:10):
What, where are we right now? You know, like, literally I’m, I’m physically here, but I’m, I’m not here.
Justin Mackie (00:24:19):
And so I have to work on that, you know, it’s she reigns me in do
Brad Singletary (00:24:25):
So I, in the previous show, I introduced Justin as one of the most alpha guys. I know. And he’s telling me he’s at home, he’s taking the orders. And I think that’s kind of cool because you you’re, you’re you understanding like your strengths and, and you know, your complimentary strengths and how she’s better at that. And you’re okay for her to remind you. You’re okay for her to ask you. Okay. For her to tell you and you, and you just do that. That’s kinda cool. I don’t, I don’t think we’ve gotta be running around. Like, we’re the dictator of our home. Some guys are taking this leadership thing a little too far and they think they’ve got to be the boss of every time the trash goes out or whatever you’re taking away.
Justin Mackie (00:25:05):
Oh yeah. I take orders at home. That’s that’s her domain like a good soldier should absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. That’s that’s her wheelhouse. I respect that. And frankly, I don’t know what I would do if it wasn’t that way, you know, maybe she’d be okay with spoons in the sink, but I think everybody has something that they that’s important to them. And, and in a relationship, if you’re lucky enough for that to be opposing a lot of areas, you’ve got to embrace it. You know, let them, let them take the lead, let them, let them drive.
Brad Singletary (00:25:41):
What about the kids and Mike, any thoughts on like engagement in your home with your family, doing the little jobs, being focused when your kid’s trying to tell you something? That’s a little bit hard for me. I have six of them. So that’s you know, I wish some of the older boys had more to share with me now, and I wish I would’ve taken better advantage of that. But how do you stay tuned in engagement in home in the home
Justin Mackie (00:26:07):
Screens are not babysitters numero UNO screens are not your friend at all. At all. My kids have iPads. They have computers. They have, you know, and, and we like, I mean, short of putting them in a lockbox they’re, they’re not in their possession. They don’t have control of them. They’re 10 and 12. And if they had control of them, they would literally just stay in their bed and watch YouTube all day. I was just reading
Brad Singletary (00:26:38):
The other day. The American pediatric association recommended that especially young children, no more than one hour, a day of screen time. And most kids, I think everybody just said, it’s okay during Corona, but that’s probably more like 12 hours a day. The average kid spending 12 hours a day watching kind of passively watching something. So screens are not your friend. What other ways can we be connected? Well, and for men too, I think, I think dudes doing that way too much. We’re watching their show. They’re on YouTube guilty. Even if they’re learning their shows, their their video games, man. And it’s just, it can be, I think, a healthy sense, a healthy way to decompress, but it’s a matter of like how you don’t have air conditioning in your house and you live in the desert and you’ve watched every episode of anything. I lost respect for you. Yeah. Any thoughts Mike, about being tuned in engaged with your
Taco Mike (00:27:37):
Yeah. So when, when Justin was talking about his wife, it made me think of a couple of things. First of all, I think you’ve talked a lot about respect. And so I know men who believe in this unrighteous dominion principle, and there’s this biblical concept that a lot of religions will have a subculture of. And that’s the man, the husband is the leader of the house. And there’s a lot of BS programming that happens with people in religions who practice religions of all kinds of different flavors, where there’s this super sense of self for the men get this very super dominant, almost aggressive dictator. I’m the final answer of everything. Everything needs to come through me, which is, self-righteous just like, I’m the swinging in this house. And I, every, that’s it you’re an. If you’re that guy, you’re an. And there is no scripture that backs you up.
Taco Mike (00:28:40):
That you’re just a jerk. If that hits you in the balls, then write me about it. Send me an email. I’d love to have a beverage with you and look at you eye-to-eye and have a conversation about that because I’d love you to commit to me. Otherwise, there’s too many dudes out there who run around their house with their pants, pulled up almost to their and they act like they’re the emperor of this little domain and this little kingdom that they’ve created. And everybody needs to fear them rather than love them and respect them. And you’re an. I know who some of these guys are, and I have zero respect for that. None because that’s not respectable. There’s nothing. You’re just a jerk, an alpha lives in his home as a member of his home. And his wife is alpha too there in the animal kingdom.
Taco Mike (00:29:30):
There are animal societies where the females are the alpha and the, in the chimpanzee societies in, in the great apes, in the societies of the great apes. It’s very often the woman is the alpha. The males are protectors. The males server, the males freak. They have, they have a co equal role in those societies as the woman, that’s the alpha, the female, she sets the tone. She drives the culture of the group, the fam the tone of the fan, everything that sort of transpires in the family unit. She runs it, she owns it and the males they respect it. And that’s not to say that she might need a little tune-up, it can happen. And just like we all do, we all do. Yeah. It’s so the role of the, of the alpha male within his alpha kingdom, which is his home with his co equals alpha wife, this is a real deal.
Taco Mike (00:30:33):
And if you’re expecting your wife, if you’re the kind of man who is expecting your wife to serve you and to bring you your food, and then to take the plate away, and then to do the thing, like you’re a jerk, it just is. And I know, look, I know what the excuse is. I work all day, she’s home all day. Like I know all those, I’ve heard them all. I know him. And there’s some validity to that. I don’t mean to disk fully discount, that there is some power in that, in that, in those statements.
Taco Mike (00:31:05):
However, there’s also the reality that you just might be a jerk and you may be separating yourself from the full love of your wife and the full love of your kids because of your ego and your attitude. And I say this in love and compassion, because there have been seasons in my life where I am, where I was that guy. And so it’s, it’s a criminal calling out a criminal, a jerk calling out a jerk so that Justin can be a bad-ass and then obey his wife. That’s how you alpha. I know all of us, I know, I’ll speak for all three of us. That there’s a great concept of lead follower. Get out of the way. And there are times where your wife is the alpha, because that’s her role. And everyone in the household should listen to her and respect her and obey her. And there are times where the dad is the alpha and that same rule applies to him. However, that Scepter of authority is he’s is not only shared, but at times it’s handed completely over to one or handed completely over to the other. That is that is, that is the, that is the idea that that’s the ideal of how power happens in the home. And so this is a really important topic and a really important point to make. I’m sorry. No, this is,
Brad Singletary (00:32:29):
This is important because we’re talking about taking the actions. We talk about actions, attributes, and attitudes. You’re saying this all starts. The actions you take really depends on your attitude and how you’re seeing each other, what you think of yourself and what you think of her. And maybe the same could be true with your kids. You know, what is their role? Are they to sit down and shut up and be seen and not heard? And so maybe it starts with the evaluation of who are these people, to me, how important are they? To me that might determine the actions you take on whether or not you do try to notice the trash or the, my big thing is taking the trash out on. So our trash days, Friday. So for the longest time I wasn’t doing that and she got mad and I would say, you know, I work and I gotta get up early the next day.
Brad Singletary (00:33:16):
And Friday’s my long day. And I had all these excuses and then we were separated for a year and she was the one that actually left our home. And guess what I did, I learned, and I had to take the trash out because she wasn’t there to remind me she wasn’t there to do it. Yeah. Men who aren’t engaged with their lives and their, whatever. You’re not celebrating. And you’re not participating in, it’s going to go away, whether it’s your money or whether it’s your family, your wife. And so, yeah, attitude. That’s a great point, Mike, about, you have to understand the roles and respect those. And sometimes you just don’t have to be the one who’s barking out the orders. You need to be the one to get up and say, I’m on
Justin Mackie (00:34:02):
It. You know, Mike, to piggyback on that point, which I love that point. And I think you’d set up beautifully in a marriage. If you’re only one decision-maker, you’re only 50% of what you could be an alpha male who can give instruction and get instruction just the same and recognize when they should be doing which they’re empowering their partner. They’re empowering their wife to use her intellect and to use her power and her knowledge of things. That’s a tool, right? Yes. We talked about tools. Yeah.
Brad Singletary (00:34:42):
That’s also tribe. We talk about, you’re a dummy, if you’re not using other people’s perspectives and we talk about men, you need men. Yes. You need men. But the person in this world that knows you better, even, I would say then your own mother, because when you were with your mom, you were a child, she’s known you your whole adult life. Hopefully you’ve had that length of relationship. She knows you. And if you’re not listening to that and willing to receive influence from her, you’re probably messing it up.
Justin Mackie (00:35:07):
Yeah. And if, and if it, you know, if a guy’s rule in his house with a hammer and nobody else gets to make any decisions, or, you know, he’s probably not asking his wife how she feels about the decision he’s about to make. He’s probably just making it because he thinks that that’s the alpha thing to do. When in reality, you know, it’s, it’s not that black and white. You’ve got to back that up a little bit.
Brad Singletary (00:35:32):
Let’s talk about play. There’s work to be done. There’s working our jobs work at home. You to play pretty hard. You know, you got some cool toys and you do some cool things. What’s the value of that? Why do you go off and leave town and spend money and rally up your boys and go do these things? And how does it benefit other aspects of your life? So engagement means you also can check out and, you know, scratch the itch that is adventure that men need and just fun, leisure. You’re walking on the beach, or you’re doing some crazy thing on the side of a mountain with
Justin Mackie (00:36:11):
Your dirt bike. I worked a lot of years not doing any of that stuff, wanting to do those things. I was in the retail business. I was in retail sales in automotive and power sports, and very rarely got to do those things and really wanted to do those things. And I decided about 10 years ago that I was going to orchestrate plans in my life to be able to have freedom of time and to have freedom of time, that was going to require me to be able to go do things without my wife and my kids, as well as with my wife and my kids. And to be able to go do things without my wife and my kids meant that I had to make for sure that she had a really good foundation at home without me and for us, that’s largely, you know, her parents, we live in the same town as her parents do.
Justin Mackie (00:37:06):
And if it wasn’t her parents, it would be, or I would make for sure that she has a really good friend circle so that I can go do those things. And I know that things are good at home. She’s not sitting on the couch, counting the hours until I get home. And if I’m two hours late, she’s been at home by herself the whole time. And I think that that starts there. You have to, if you desire to do those things in your life to go have adventures with your buddies or with your spouse or with your family, which you should go do all three, I think it builds relationships in a way that you can’t bond at Buffalo, wild wings. You can’t go down there for an hour, you know, to in Mike and I’s case, you have to go almost die with your friends on a, yeah, it’s gotta
Speaker 5 (00:37:54):
Be changing your shorts in front of each other, right?
Justin Mackie (00:37:57):
If you almost die with somebody, you’d be surprised with the kind of bond it creates. So, but it’s my point. There is. I think that it’s there’s a number of things that you have to, you have to build these foundations to, if those are something, some things that you want to do in your life, do you want to go have adventures with your buddies and your family? And you have to build your life to accommodate those things.
Brad Singletary (00:38:24):
You’re saying you, you want her to bucket to be full before you take off and kind of do your thing and whatever you want her to be supported. She’s had her own alone time or whatever she may need. She’s all set up and prepared, and kitchen is stocked and whatever’s necessary. She’s in good shape. And she’s more comfortable with things you might need to do for your own self.
Justin Mackie (00:38:48):
Yeah, absolutely. That’s correct. I mean, if things aren’t good at home, if you have a wife and you have kids and you want to go fishing with your buddies, or you want to go on an extended weekend with your, with your friends, riding dirt bikes or whatever it is you want to do, you gotta make sure that that mom was good at home. Because if she’s not, you weren’t gonna have any fun. Sure. You might be able to leave town, but it’s going to suck, you know, it’s, you might as well not even
Brad Singletary (00:39:13):
Go and she’s building resentment and stuff like
Justin Mackie (00:39:16):
That. And then when you come home surprise, you know, that’s it’s not going to be any fun. And so you do, you have to build that those building blocks up, you have to make for sure that mom has got what she needs and everything’s good at home. And she’s got a little bit of her own life to have, and has the things that she needs other than just you, if you’re all that mama’s got, and you’re the only thing happening then you’re probably not going fishing with your buddies.
Brad Singletary (00:39:47):
So smart dude. I’m just like this. Guy’s got some figured out. I literally, so I have like 23 years of behavioral health experience and relationships and all that. And I have literally vinted to Justin here about my own relationships and have gotten a ton of good feedback and wisdom from him. He wouldn’t be doing as well if he didn’t know some things, so good stuff right there, man, take care of her first. Yeah. Set her up with what she needs. Then you can go take care of what you need to do. That’s cool. Mike, what’s the value of play to
Taco Mike (00:40:21):
Springboard off of what Justin has said. One of the primary reasons why I launched our business and decided to get out of sort of the nine to five situation was the reality that I saw the ticking clock of the time window that I had left with my son. Because you look at any teenage boy, what is 17, 18, 19 by 19, they’re probably gone. Yeah, whatever it’s going to be, that’s going to capture their attention. Didn’t happen sooner than that. If it didn’t happen at 17 or 18, I’m just seeing the generally by 19, every young man typically is gone. And so I just woke up one morning in a cold sweat, right? Metaphorically thinking like suck. I only have X number of years left. And I had this strong feeling that I need to go to everyone. One of his boy scout camps, I need to go to every time there’s an outing and an adventure and an invitation to go to anything there’s father and son outings.
Taco Mike (00:41:23):
There’s church level, camp outs. There’s scap. Yes, everything like every game, every whatever. And it just occurred to me the only way that I’m going to be able to do that as if I have, we’ve talked about this, Justin has talked very, very solidly about this. I need to have total authority over my time. Every minute of my time needs to be mine and needs to be mine to decide and no one else. And so I thought, well, I need to like get my in gear then and really make something happen. And that was probably the moment that I decided to launch our business and to take that step. It was, it was, that was the core reason. So to answer your question, the relationship that I have with my son and with my wife, when we go and have adventures, it is, and Justin just hit this too.
Taco Mike (00:42:11):
I only want to make memories. That’s all I want to do. I only want to have experiences. And the only way he could do that is have complete freedom and then complete time control. And then I’ve chosen to use those assets to deploy them as much as possible into my wife and my kid. And of course, selfishly to now that would be, it would be wrong of me to not say that I don’t also take some of that and spend it on myself, but that’s where I choose to, you know, spend a lot of it. And then I echo what Justin said about taking care of your home. There was lore in native American tribes and then in, in primitive cultures where there, there are cultures within cultures. So if you have a tribe, a tribe consisted maybe of 150 people. And so the, the, the number of tribes, people that were in anyone try was fairly limited.
Taco Mike (00:43:01):
And then within that, there would be the men’s culture and then the women’s culture. And then the men would have be a culture within a culture and they would plan and prepare their outings and their hunts and their conquests and their battles and all that stuff. And they, they would not ever dare leaving the vulnerable. So their women, their children, the elderly, the infirm, they would never, ever, ever leave the society unless they were sure and confident that it would be self-supporting in their absence. And so what Justin is basically saying is the primitive concept of take care of yours, and then they will take care of you. So if you haven’t taken care of your wife and your home front, then how can they take care of you and allow you the latitude to go out and be that sort of conquering beast, man, who wants to go have adventures and do those things. So he’s just spoken a massive truth, a completely I concur doctor,
Brad Singletary (00:43:59):
How does adventure and fun? You both seem to enjoy the outdoors and motor sports and things like that. How does that stuff help you in the other aspects of your life? Why do you need to do that? Is it necessary? I think it’s necessary.
Taco Mike (00:44:14):
I think it’s hard wired into testosterone that it’s, it’s an absolute fundamental requirement.
Justin Mackie (00:44:19):
Brad Singletary (00:44:21):
So what are the things you do? What are some of the typical activities? How does it bless you in the other parts of your life?
Justin Mackie (00:44:29):
On the last podcast I was on with you and Mike, it was we, we talked about relationships and we talked about the value of, of relationships in life and how relationships really are the greatest currency and to have tools. And those tools are, are, are your circle, your tribe. You know, the, the, the best tools that you have in your toolbox is the people that you know, and their skills to help you. And there’s no better way to bolster those kinds of relationships that are life, lifelong relationships. The, you know, I think most people have a friend or somebody that they can not talk to for two years, and that friendship never changes. Those kinds of friendships are built on adventures. You know, you, you, I mentioned Buffalo wild wings or the bar, or going to the park and, you know, your a kid’s birthday party. And, you know, there’s all this stuff going on. You’re never, ever going to build a longstanding relationship with people that are going to be meaningful or could be meaningful in your life. At those places, you go hiking or living out of a tent and, or going on a motorcycle adventure with those guys one-on-one and you go live in the dirt with them for four or five days. And there’s a bond there that’s completely different than any other way that I know how to create it.
Brad Singletary (00:46:02):
Wow. So the benefit of that for you so much as the relationships that you form on that, do you ever do any of those things alone?
Justin Mackie (00:46:11):
Yeah, I do. I’ve, I’ve done a number of solo rides and I absolutely love solo rides. I haven’t done one in a number of years. I went to Canada a few years back on my adventure bike. And it was, it was incredible, but it’s it’s just a different experience.
Brad Singletary (00:46:30):
Well, and maybe the relationship you need to foster sometimes is with yourself, with yourself, with your higher power with, you know, that needs attention too. And I can’t do that if I’m surrounded by. So that’s valuable to be alone and experience connectedness to Justin.
Justin Mackie (00:46:49):
I find a lot of enjoyment today. I find that my buckets way over flow, overflowing of ventures, I’m very fortunate to get, to do a lot of going and doing stuff. That’s really fun with friends. And I really find enjoyment today. The most enjoyment in bringing new people in to do that, that their bucket isn’t overflowing or even close to full yet some rides back, a friend that I share kind of planning responsibilities with, for adventure rides, his name’s Dominic, he’s a member of the alpha quorum. He suggested to me, let’s, let’s invite everybody. And I was like, man, you lost your mind. Like, I was always the guy that I six to eight people, max, you know, it was an elite group guys that were very good riders. I didn’t want to ride with anybody. I was, I was kind of a snob about it.
Justin Mackie (00:47:49):
Right. And he was like, man, there’s so many people that want to go on these rides that have never been on one let’s invite everybody. And I told him he was insane out of his mind. And he finally convinced me, just let me do one ride. You plan it. Let me just invite everyone. And we went on this ride with 24 people. It was a complete hot mess. Right. But it worked. And like there were 24 people that I think probably half of them had either never been on an adventure motorcycle ride or hadn’t been on one in years. And even though it was a hot mess, everybody was like, when is the next one? That was incredible. That was amazing. And we had amazing camp nights out and Mike disappeared every day and would show up at camp with some crazy story that he found a Volkswagen bus and some hippies to hang out by the river with.
Justin Mackie (00:48:44):
And I mean, you know, it was, it was, it’s one of those things that like, it’s, you’re doing it. And you’re like, this couldn’t be written into a movie. Like there’s no way to replicate this other than to do it. And, and since that ride, that dominant convinced me to be a part of where we just invited everybody. We’ve done numerous 20 plus people rides today. And we’ve kinda got it figured out. It’s not a hot mess anymore. And it’s hugely gratifying to be able to put something like that together, that I’m comfortable with, that other people look at and they’re like, well, you know, how do you plan this? They don’t even know where to start. You know, we just have done it for so many years that put it together and go do it. And to see the enjoyment that people get out of it. And the fulfillment that they get out of it is just really the reward.
Brad Singletary (00:49:37):
Amazing to hear you talk about that. I’ve never done a, person’s never done that. But to hear what Mike has said about these kinds of things and you, now, this is a lot more mushy and a lot more, you’re talking about things of the heart. This looks like a bunch of loud, crazy dudes out there tearing up the mountain side or whatever this is. You’re talking about touchy, feely. You’re talking about loving your friends. You’re talking about making connections there. This is a whole different, I think this will be shocking to some people who listen to this show who aren’t into the Moto world. They’re going to be surprised to hear this same theme keeps coming up. This is not about, you know, jacking off with a machine. This is about I’m ready to edit that. This is like, anyway, it just, it seems like it, it really is much more than I ever thought it was about.
Justin Mackie (00:50:39):
There’s a big part for me, where you have this group of people and you have this plan and you’re going to go from point a to point B. And there is unknown peril between point a and point B. And you can plan where you want to stay and you can plan the route and you can plan all this that you plan. It always unwinds. You have a ride leader and you have somebody that’s, you know, you should have your together. And you have this group of people that all needs to stay safe together, and you need to deliver this package from point a to point B. And it’s a human, it’s a, it’s a group of, of human humans that are in a package together. And you’re all going to go forth into the peril unknown because when you leave on a motorcycle into the wilderness there’s animals and sticks and rocks and mechanical failures and you know, human error and all of the different, yeah.
Justin Mackie (00:51:40):
All the different perils that exist in that type of sport activity. I’m not a veteran, but I, we ride with a lot of guys that are veterans. It’s like that experience. And for me, somebody being, that’s not a veteran, but I love our military. And I love that brotherhood. I think it’s the closest thing you can get to that kind of brotherhood, you know, without being somebody who, who served. And I think that’s one of the reasons that a lot of veterans gravitate towards that world is because it’s, it’s very similar. It’s, it’s a brotherhood.
Taco Mike (00:52:15):
One of the reasons why a military platoon, a military engagement, the brothers in the military group, there’s a great book out there by a guy named Sebastian younger tribe. He was a career journalist and then spent his whole career embedded in military groups. And then when he, when he retired, his editor said, which, what, where are you going to go with your career? What are you going to write? What’s your first book? And he said, I’m going to write a book about PTSD. And I’m going to take the position that my position is. The root cause of PTSD is the separation of the brothers, the breaking up of the brotherhood that these guys have when they’re clicked together in a platoon, that is a primal that group of men who are there to keep each other alive, goes all the way back to the CRE, the ancestors of the human species, homo sapiens.
Taco Mike (00:53:03):
They are, you can draw a straight line directly from that tribe all the way back to the first human tribe. And when they’re in that group, they have activated all of the ancient DNA and it, and it is right. And it feels right. And it’s so primal and so real and so vivid and so exciting. And you just, you just lay testosterone over the top of that, like frosting and it’s, it’s just you, it right. I’m at a loss. My vocabulary falls away. I cannot explain how for a man, what that’s like. It is everything it really is. And so the S the, the, the thesis of this book is PTSD is as a result of the breaking of that brotherhood, the separating of that bond, because everybody goes back home and they go back to their job at Costco and at the insurance office.
Taco Mike (00:53:59):
And they go back into their jobs and their lives, and they have no brotherhood, no connection. They have no direct link that goes back to primal, man. Right? So when Justin and I are talking about recreating that, and we form a platoon of dudes on motorbikes, or you form a platoon of guys who go on a hike or 50 mile hike, or a river rafting trip, or a fishing trip or whatever, or a hunting trip, what happens within the group of those men is they somehow knowing or unknowing, they are activating a straight direct line that goes all the way back, a Telegraph that goes back to the first man to the first, the first tribe they are now officially members of that ancient tribe. And the power of the, this is a weird thing. Hear me out the power of the ancestors comes forward.
Taco Mike (00:54:48):
And then it just saturates itself in that newly formed tribe. And then every brother in that tribe is energized by that ancestral power. It’s, I’m talking crazy talk, but I, I get it, but I suggest that it is real and it is true. And, and it’s, it’s a thing. And so when Justin says, we sit around a campfire after day of like trying to keep each other alive, and we’re trying to deliver this package. Isn’t that what’s happens in the platoon. All that matters is that we survive this day and we get to sit around a fire. And there’s, isn’t there power in staring at a flame. Yeah, because ancestrally, when we had a fire, we were safe, then the animals were kept away. We knew you cook. We knew we had warmth. The fire represented life. We would, we would make it another day if we could just have another fire.
Taco Mike (00:55:37):
And so the there, I’m telling you, when you, when you have a group of dudes who have had an adventure, and they’re sitting around staring into the glowing yellow, they have just plugged electrical cords straight into the ancestry of humanity and of being a man. Yeah. All the way back to the beginning of time. And I can’t explain it, and I have a hard time putting it into words, but that is what’s happening. And so when dude, sit on a couch and play video games, I would suggest that he’s, yes, that’s, that’s, that’s a false flag of that. But I, I would suggest that most of what men do in their private time, that is self-destructive is this really failed attempt to try to tap into that and to try to become part of that. And it’s a missed opportunity, what would be next level?
Taco Mike (00:56:28):
So what did you say about the sales? What’s the word, the phrase we were singing a lot. Take it up, take it up. So the dude who’s, who’s sitting there playing video games. He can take an up and he can translate from false reality to true reality and actually get plugged in if he would go and associate himself with some other group of like-minded dudes who find something that they can, it can be sports, it could be music, it could be anything, but to get plugged in, to get like activated in a community of dudes who were, who out, then I would suggest that you do need some adrenaline. You do need some adventure, you do need risk. So I don’t know if you can run around with a musical instruments and have a life or death experience, but I challenged somebody to do it. But if you can inject into your group, sweat and risk and reward and all of those things, whatever the interest is, who cares, it’s motorcycling, whatever your interest is, you inject all of that into it. You have just plugged in to the power of the, of, of the earth. Yeah.
Brad Singletary (00:57:33):
It’s interesting. When you’re alive, even the travel itself, you’re talking about the destination, we’re delivering a package. So it’s not just going to sit in the woods to camp or whatever, but you have a mission. You have a purpose. You’re going from here to there, there are places you want to get to along the way. And then you’ve talked about this too, before Mike about resolving the problems, working on fixing each other’s stuff, or this guy got a bum leg or whatever is going on and you let your like helping each other get there. That’s cool stuff, guys that aren’t into dirt bikes. What kinds of things and what comes to mind? What other non Modo adventures do you might you recommend for people?
Justin Mackie (00:58:15):
Yeah. There’s hiking groups. I mean, you can go on Facebook. You can. There’s actually, I think there’s a website. That’s I don’t know what it’s called, but it’s, it’s like a hiking forum and people have, you know, they go hiking in Mount Charleston or wherever your local mountain is. You can go hiking with groups of people. Cool.
Taco Mike (00:58:34):
REI and join the music. Like you just go on the REI website and there’s local chapters of hiking, camping, adventure groups, things like that. Yeah.
Justin Mackie (00:58:41):
I think, you know, there’s there’s guys that, you know, if you hang out the local fish shop efficient is your thing. I know guys that surf that live on the coast so that they’ve got their group and they’ve got their set that they surf and that’s their deal. And I think he, you gotta find what you gotta find, what your deal is. You gotta find your tribe. I mean, playing video games, like, and I’m not a proponent of playing video games, but there’s a similar feeling that you get, like I’ve played modern warfare and some of these other new video games that are these war fighter, first person shooter games, where you’re operating in a group of people and you get a little bit of a feeling, you get a taste of it. And it’s just a sliver, but Brad, there’s a feeling that Mike’s trying to get to it. And I don’t, I don’t really know how to put it into words, but there’s a, it might sound silly to that. There’s a feeling that when you roll out down the road with your buddies on your bikes and you’re like, you’re all together and you’re moving as one and you kind of have this, this mass fluid motion together. I’ve never felt that kind of strength. I mean, you literally feel invincible your Cowboys on a round up, you
Speaker 5 (00:59:53):
Know, you’re going from Canada, Canada, Canada, Mexico, with 10,000 head of cattle or what it’s totally
Justin Mackie (00:59:59):
Stupid because frankly, you’re more exposed than if you were sitting in a car by yourself, right. You’re not invincible at all, but that’s the feeling that you have. Like, you literally feel like you’re rolling into battle with brand new tanks and nothing can touch you. Bring it. Yeah.
Brad Singletary (01:00:20):
All right. So how does this, when you come back from that, you’re saying you have this power, you have this rejuvenation, you feel connected to other men. You’re connected to the ancestors. You’re feeling this primal need. You know, when you come back to the job, when you go back to the wife who says the garbage needs to be taken out, how does that carry over? What’s the residual effect. And because it’s quite an investment you’re taking time away, it’s there’s cost to it or whatever, but what’s the result all next month for the next year
Justin Mackie (01:00:54):
When right when you come back, I find that right when I come back from from a motorcycle trip, first couple of days are tough. It makes you question your daily existence. And I think that as tough as it is, it’s a huge benefit because we all need to have a point every so often where we step out of our reality and completely remove ourselves from our current reality, from our current routine and have the ability to have two or three, maybe four days where we’re doing something like motorcycling, where literally you can’t think about the things at home,
Brad Singletary (01:01:37):
You better be paying attention. You better. Yeah.
Justin Mackie (01:01:39):
There there is. No, I can’t. I mean, I can have ADHD all I want, but I can’t think about nine different things. And I’m trying to stay alive on a motorcycle. And when you get home and you’ve been on a bike for two or three days, and you’ve lived minimalistic, minimalistically, you know, you’ve had a toothbrush and some toothpaste, if you’re lucky and a change of underwear. And if you’re lucky, you brought two pairs of socks and a t-shirt and you’re, that’s, that’s about it. Some water, you get home to all your crap that drags you down. And that you’re worried about in the garage or sitting outside in the sun or all these different materialistic things that we encumber our lives with. And I know that for me personally, I come home and it’s like, I struggle with the urge of like, just taking everything I own and shoving it out on the curve with a free sign, you know, because I just, I want to, I want to go to this minimalistic lifestyle, but it, I think there’s a balance there to be had. And I think that stepping outside of your
Brad Singletary (01:02:42):
Routine mundane every day
Justin Mackie (01:02:45):
Makes you reevaluate your choices in life. And everybody should understand that you can reevaluate your choices in life every day. If you want to and make new ones, you don’t have to be stuck in it. But I find that it’s hard to look from the outside, looking in. If you don’t leave it ventures, do that. Wow. That’s powerful.
Taco Mike (01:03:10):
Brad question for you. Once upon a time you were a college athlete, kind of a bad-ass one. And then when you were on a team, you were in this cohesive unit ready to go do battle against the opposing teams. There was probably an energy and a power and a comradery in that. Can you describe it?
Brad Singletary (01:03:25):
Yeah, it’s probably the last time I felt alive, you know? I mean, it’s been, I think I, I finished all that when I was about 23, maybe 24. And it, I have been seeking something that has that feeling ever since. Never found it. And so, yeah, I mean, you have a common purpose. You meet up at a commonplace there’s language, there’s culture. There’s like stuff. There’s things you talk about the shiny objects and, you know, there’s the weight room and the field and the equipment and so forth. So yeah, sports. I have a client who is involved in a softball league and he, when it’s the season is on, you know, he’s playing three or four nights a week. I thought, why is this a problem? Why is this a problem for his wife? And the problem was he wasn’t taking care of things beforehand, but yeah, sports, you’d never too old.
Brad Singletary (01:04:14):
There’s old men who are golfing. That’s a little mini journey. There’s nothing life threatening there. Maybe if you’re old enough for heaven for, in Florida serious. So athletics, that’s a, that’s a great way that there’s a, there’s definitely a group feeling that comes with that. I just think some men are, they’ve never had the experience. They didn’t do it as a kid, never went in scouting. They never were on a team. They never had anything like you’re talking about. They don’t have the means to do that. Where do they go? I love the idea about hiking groups. That’s free to walk out and
Justin Mackie (01:04:50):
Free. It’s free. As long as you don’t go to REI, aria is not free.
Justin Mackie (01:04:54):
It was so cute when $10,000 later you’re so outfit, you just
Brad Singletary (01:04:59):
Got to get back to your resources and figure out why you’re not doing what you love to make the money, to be able to do the things that
Taco Mike (01:05:04):
You really do. Tell me about this guy that that’s the softball player and his wife. So this is an interesting little, little sidebar, and it goes back to what Justin was saying. I would suggest if if if an alphum man has not laid the groundwork, just like we talked about that tribal society, those men, aren’t going to leave the tribe unless the, unless they know their elders and women and the vulnerable, the children are taken care of. As soon as they feel comfortable and confident in that, then there, then they’re free to go. W do you know of guys that are going out and recreating at the and neglecting taking care of the tribe before they leave?
Brad Singletary (01:05:44):
Yeah. So many times it has to do like substance use and stuff like that. So they go to the softball tournament. All good. She’s totally cool with that. But now you’re drunk and you’re doing blow up all night until this is all over. And you end up who knows where to come dragging in the morning, not feeling like taking the trash out or whatever that is. And so they’re overdoing the stimulation. I think that’s why so many men do have addictions. They don’t have the stuff like you’re talking about. It’s like sensory, there’s a need for like sensory stimulation. And when there’s nothing there, isn’t, there is no
Justin Mackie (01:06:17):
You’re introducing drugs at that point to get that
Brad Singletary (01:06:20):
Feel some euphoria and what you’ve guys have described, I’ve seen your videos and pictures and things. I’m blanking. That’s what they’re after. This is a whole other kind of high. And so when men blow it, they do it too much. They do it too often. She hates it. It’s cause they end up at the strip club after the softball game or they’re, you know, being irresponsible, they’re overdoing it. And they haven’t taken care of things at home first
Taco Mike (01:06:44):
That shuts my mouth because I know those guys and I don’t understand it. That’s sort of like given an opportunity. How do you explain, how do you, so what do you say to a guy like that? How do you, how do you like, just try to give him some sense of like a reality check on that?
Brad Singletary (01:07:02):
What you’re doing is necessary. Men need this kind of thing. Good on you for doing it. Good on you for having a little physical fitness in your life. You’re running around softball practice or the game or the tournament or the golf every Saturday morning or whatever it is. But you have to, you can’t just be engaged in your. You gotta be engaged on your job. You gotta be engaged at home. And then yeah, go out and have the adventure and have fun. Everything you guys are talking about has to do with, we worked first and then we played. So he needs that. And I tell the wife, the woman in his life, yes, he needs to do that. You should support it. He’s got to do it. Maybe there’s limitation. Maybe don’t come home at four in the morning from softball game, the end of that night, but it’s necessary. I think that stuff is necessary. Any variation of this stuff? I think it’s just hard to find maybe around here, the desert, these things you’re talking about, you guys have means that most many men I work with don’t have. And so
Taco Mike (01:08:04):
That might be true. I mean, we may be in a little bit of a privileged class to be able to go and buy these motorcycles and we have the time and means to go and do these things. And they’re
Brad Singletary (01:08:13):
Playing pickleball at the city park down here for free. I mean, there’s, there are, there are things. And if you’re not making excuses first, I think you gotta be convinced of the need for this stuff. Connection, engagement, sweat, like involvement. There’s a goal. There’s something competitive about it. I’m sure you guys get into little games and little things that are like, watch my wheelie, you know, see what I can put on it the before.
Taco Mike (01:08:38):
So there’s the ceremony of the buildup and the preparation and all that. And then the execution. And then afterwards, there’s all the like daydreaming about the next one. And then busting balls. Like, you know, you did a thing or you whatever, and it’s just, there’s a whole, it’s a circle. And then this circle needs to overlap to the next circle. Each one needs to bleed a little bit into the next one and the next and forever. And you have, you
Brad Singletary (01:09:02):
Have an inside joke about something that only you two know about. There’s a little, that’s a relationship that all busting and stuff like that. That that’s one of the important ways that men bond is. You gotta have a little story. You got to have a little colorful thing that happened that maybe you two only know about, or you in this, that we’re on this trip. Those are all of these tribal bonds. Yes.
Justin Mackie (01:09:26):
Mike took care of that for us. When you wrecked my bike. Oh
Justin Mackie (01:09:30):
Boy email, send me a message. I’ll send you pictures of how I crashed Justin’s motorcycle.
Justin Mackie (01:09:38):
That was a good bonding experience. We bonded. We bonded. So close that’s was
Taco Mike (01:09:43):
Death was closed, but no one I did not die. Why would a guy think he’s so entitled to go out? This is just really high level of immaturity to take the gift that maybe your wife is giving you and say, yeah, that’s fine. Go out, go, go with your buddies. And then to really like hyper sort of abuse that opportunity. That’s some high level immaturity or am I seeing it wrong? No, it’s
Brad Singletary (01:10:06):
Just it’s self-centeredness you know, and I think it’s easy to be engaged. When is your hobby? When is your thing, your boys, your special thing that you do that you’re into, that’s easy to stay connected to and it’s easy to have the energy for it. It’s easy to justify the expense. It’s easy to, but it’s, he’s got a problem with just narcissism.
Justin Mackie (01:10:31):
This can have, I mean, these men have children at home wives, whole thing, whole package,
Brad Singletary (01:10:37):
Let’s say, and they saying, oh, they’re great. Dads. They’re really involved, but he can’t look me in the eyes. He can’t hug me. He can’t tell me, he loves me. He can’t buy me anything for my birthday. He can’t do all these other things. And then she and there’s a resentment and just bitterness. So he’s not really done. The first thing in the other episode, Justin talked about his greatest resource was relationships. All, everything we’ve really talked about in these series of these episodes we’ve been on is about the people. Yeah. Dirt bike trips into some crazy terrain. That’s about the people it is and the guy who needs to soldier with PTSD, what’s wrong. It’s the people. And I was so shocked to hear that of all the things like Justin has done of all of his little toys and all the trips and the things that he can experience in life, what he values most and sees most important is the people. And I just think a lot of men were not naturally good at connecting understanding and really bonding with people. So that’s where we get into trouble.
Justin Mackie (01:11:47):
I think it should be said that, I mean, for a grown man with a wife and kids to think it’s okay to go out and get hammered drunk all night and do drugs, is, is, I mean, so far beyond even rational thinking, you know, I, I’ve never understood why, why any grown person sees that as okay. You know, it’s not, you know, you gotta be able to, you, you can’t have any success, any level of success in your life. If you can’t function at a high level, under massive amounts of self willpower and control and be in complete control of your faculties and, and go to bed at a decent hour and get up and keep the ball rolling, you know, with alcohol and drugs, you can’t do that. You you’re giving up that option. And so I see that as something that, you know, college kids do, I don’t have any responsibilities. You know, they’re doing dumb. You know, a grown man. That’s got kids and a wife and a, probably a job and you know, that’s not okay.
Brad Singletary (01:13:05):
You know, it’s interesting too, when you look at what really drives addiction, it’s a lack of connection. It’s a sense of disconnection. I mean, I don’t mean the kid who’s just partied in college or whatever, but someone who’s really stuck in addiction, they’re feeling isolated. I’m willing to bet. I would be interesting to kind of poll or to look at some of the people you guys do these rides with. And they spend a lot of their time engaging in like high quality experiences like that with other guys. How many of them, I don’t mean, you know, have a shot, smoke a cigar here and there. I’m wondering how many of them are ruining their lives with addiction. I would say probably not many because they’re connected. They’re stimulating their senses with the bikes and the, you know, and the adventure that comes with that, right? I’m guessing these are not a bunch of, here’s
Taco Mike (01:13:56):
Their stupidity. That’s going on. There’s, you know, tomfoolery and all that. But these guys are not like crack heads. Yeah.
Brad Singletary (01:14:03):
It’s interesting how we end up talking about relationships. And if we’re talking about engaged in maybe one of the last I want to talk about here is being able to listen, being able to love the people in your life, being able to be selfless. How in the world do you find the energy to do that stuff? The people in your life don’t have good vibes, but you do. How do you maintain how to engage when it’s the energy is not okay around you?
Justin Mackie (01:14:38):
Well, if, if it’s at home, I bring it to light. I pointed out, whoa, hold on, stop here. This is anybody else not having fun because this isn’t fun. So let’s change this and just bring it right to the forefront. You know, if I see it, I’m going to make for sure that everybody else sees the same thing and is in agreement that this isn’t what we want. This is not the reality we want to be in. So what are we going to do to alter this reality? And just bold face, make a choice that you’re not going to accept it. You’re going to change it, whatever it may be.
Brad Singletary (01:15:18):
You’re like hitting the pause button is what you see here. Exactly. Okay. With you. Cause it’s not okay. And this can be reverse. We can change.
Justin Mackie (01:15:26):
What’s happened. Exactly. And through that communication, I think that changes everything. If you could say, whoa, hold on, stop screaming, stop screaming, chill out, turn the TV off. But then the garbage can, let’s talk for a minute. Just literally, like you said, that’s a great way to put up, push the pause button on the remote and have a quick little like, whoa, they’re very cool with what’s going on right now. Cause I’m not
Speaker 7 (01:15:52):
This sucks. That seems to right. The ship. Wow. That’s awesome. So that’s leadership, right?
Taco Mike (01:16:00):
That’s leadership. Somebody bang up. You’re not getting sucked into the,
Brad Singletary (01:16:05):
We’re saying an alpha participates with good vibes. You don’t, you’re not just there at the Christmas party. You’re you’re happy to be there. You’re pleasant. You’re you’re not in Hawaii. I heard this tonight before you guys came in, they were in Hawaii on this special family trip with the grandkids. And the guy is just pissy about, he’s just fault finding about every little thing. This place is too busy. We might as well have gone to LA, you know, and just pick it apart. So he’s there, he’s involved, but that’s sucky a sucky level of engagement. If you got poor attitude, that’s true. Right? You can’t just, you know, be at the Halloween dance. Hmm. You have to be in control of what energy you’re bringing. How can you influence the energy and the environment that you’re in. You guys have super smooth, like charismatic energy. That’s just positive. And I know you have your bad days, but how do you maintain positivity?
Speaker 7 (01:17:11):
Taco Mike (01:17:13):
For an outcome. I want the outcome of my life. I want them wake here’s here’s. I think I’ve said this before, but I want my work for my funeral backwards. I hope that my funeral is a dance party at a skating rink with a hot air balloon rides and like balloon animals, a guy, a CLA weird clown in the corner make a balloon animals. And then I want everybody to have hopefully, ideally some funny story where like, remember when Mike did this dumb thing or whatever, I want it to be a party. And the only way that it’ll be a party or for me to be remembered as somebody worthy of a party is that the wake I leave behind the boat of my life, passing through the waters is one that people can surf on. And there’s there’s joy and enjoyment. And that’s the wake I want to leave behind me. And so that is a result of attitude. Like conscientious, mental thought choice. What thoughts? I love the little analogy of the guy sitting there being pissy in Hawaii. Dude. You’re in Hawaii. It look around and yes, you’re probably costs you more money than you planned on. And yes, the year with your in-laws and you probably are annoyed by, you know, a lot of things.
Brad Singletary (01:18:25):
Yes. It’s humid. Yes. It rains every afternoon.
Taco Mike (01:18:29):
You’ll find something to enjoy and then listen, listen. Right? You’re committed.
Justin Mackie (01:18:35):
Just own it. Yeah. Make the best of it. You’re committed. You’re committed.
Taco Mike (01:18:40):
And so I just choose just for me, I just choose to get into it, whatever it is. It’s probably sucky most of life. You know that one poem it’s great. You should look this up. It says something along the lines of life is like an old time train journey. It is the, the, the track of your life, the train of your life, that’s on the track. It’s bumpy and squeaky and loud and you can barely, you barely get any sleep. And the engine is putting out hot ashes and they’re blowing in your face and it’s uncomfortable and you’re jammed in there, but comma, but every now and then the it clears up and there’s a cool breeze to the window. And you see a beautiful Vista and that’s the moment live for that moment. Capture that moment. The other stuff is just sort of the necessary evil to get to that moment. And that’s, that’s the men. That’s the thought choice that I make.
Brad Singletary (01:19:32):
We need to do participate in life to be involved with the event. The thing be engaged with our family, but also to have some good energy. That’s the alpha has good energy and he can influence the energy and he can control his own level of energy. People are pissy, it’s hot. Something’s going on? How do you maintain your frame? How do you maintain your mindset of you’re in control of yourself?
Justin Mackie (01:19:57):
It’s a huge responsibility for, for men and for alpha men in a family situation, because you do set the tone. And I think that reminding yourself of that continuously is incredibly important because you have to understand that your kids are going to follow your lead. Your wife’s going to follow your lead. And however you set the tone, you’re creating your own reality, whatever it is you, you act up about, it’s gonna follow you,
Brad Singletary (01:20:28):
Dude. I’m going to steal your thing about I’m committed. That is so cool. Whether it’s like the marriage, whether it’s the trip that you’re on, I’m committed. I’m, I’m here, I’m on this, going back from Hawaii. I’m not going, yeah, we got four more days. Like, what are you going to do, bro? Committed. I can make the best of this. I can really, I can turn it around.
Justin Mackie (01:20:49):
You have to be committed to it. If to understand that you don’t have a choice in that commitment, you made the choice in that commitment. When you got on the plane in LA, your choice left. Then
Brad Singletary (01:21:01):
I was at a recent family event in the Pacific Northwest where they don’t have air conditioners. And it was during a hot spell. Yeah. And we were indoors in a wedding and it was like, man, this is kind of rough. You know, no air conditioning, 105 degrees in Seattle, in a wedding, in a suit with a, with a mask on, they make you wear a mask. So it’s like, what is my, what is, I can be pissy about this and I can be mad, or I can say, this is a beautiful family event. I’m recognizing the value of it. And I’m saying, and I’m here to bring some value, I’m here to take some pictures. I want to see the slide show. I want to dance with the, with the new couple I’m committed. I’m gonna use it. I’m gonna steal it. I’m gonna teach people that. Nice. Any closing thoughts on being engaged? You’re an alpha, you know how to handle the moment. You know how to handle the day. You know how to have fun, whether you’re at work or it’s time to take out the trash or you’re going out with your friends on an adventure, any final thoughts on living life with engagement.
Justin Mackie (01:22:08):
It says a lot. When you check your phone, I do this all the time and I I’m working on stopping it. And I think it’s become the normal in our society. It used to be checking your watch. There was a respect thing. You didn’t check your watch when you were with somebody because it meant that you were ready to go. You were signaling to them. You know, it was a body language thing that you were, you were done listening. You were not engaged, like jingling your keys. Yeah. Right. Checking your watch. It was a body language communication. And that today checking your phone. And I think that turning notifications off that you can on your phone really helps people. I try to take my phone and put it down, face down instead of face up. Cause then, you know, you, when you’ve got the notifications on the screen comes on and you see, you got a text message and it’s probably just, you know, some alert that you have that your bank giving you your balance once a day or something. And I don’t think, I think we’ve as a society forgotten what that says to the other people around us, you know, when we’re engaged in a conversation or in a meeting or at lunch or eating and we’re checking her phone.
Brad Singletary (01:23:25):
It’s funny. The apple watch is, is really bad because every text is coming on the watch. And so I’m old school and I’m thinking of the watch thing when people are doing this every 30 seconds all the time, it’s like, I want to be like, yeah,
Justin Mackie (01:23:37):
For sure. That’s it, that’s the communication, right? That’s the body language. Yeah.
Brad Singletary (01:23:43):
Bring us home. Taco Mike engagement.
Taco Mike (01:23:46):
Want what you have, have find ways to desire the things that are right there in front of you, the looking outside of your current situation at someone else’s situation and then feeling bad about what you lack, what you don’t have is cancer. And so spiritual cancer, this guy in the moment, right? This guy in the moment, like everything is about being in the moment and spiritual cancer is looking at somebody else’s situation and then having an ache about yours. There is nothing that any read Viktor Frankl’s man’s search of half search for happiness, just re meaning man’s search for meaning that’s it. I just re-read that, not, not too long ago to sit on a train, headed to Auschwitz and to, for him to look out the window and for his mind and his heart to just be full of, he, he found ways to be in his moment and to find joy in a breadcrumb in his pocket.
Taco Mike (01:24:53):
There’s a there’s he talks so much about just eating the little piece of bread that he was given, but then saving a tiny piece of it and putting his pocket and then reaching in his pocket and feeling that breadcrumb. And then fantasy it just having, just being at joy with the fact that he didn’t have what he had. And he was realistic about that, but, but he had a bread crumb. He had something to eat. He was in the moment, or he could look out the window of the train, going to Auschwitz and see a sun set. And just remember back when he looked at sunsets in the past and what they meant to him and the people he was with. So that’s really dramatic and kind of depressing downer to bring that in. But the reality is, is like every one of us, regardless of our situation are better off than 99.9, nine, nine, 9% of the world. And to be first hashtag first world problems to be sitting in Hawaii. Now we’re picking this guy, this poor guy, like we’re breaking his back, but I’m, it’s a great sort of analogy. What kind of first world problem is it? When you’re like the wedding you’re fed and you’re healthy, it’s a feast.
Brad Singletary (01:26:05):
It’s a fancy feast.
Taco Mike (01:26:07):
Yup. And you have money to get to Seattle. And then you’re going to leave and go to a hotel and enjoy a pool and air conditioning and a bed, a nice comfortable bed. Right. All of this stuff. And for us, for a man to just be a belly Achor, to be a and a moaner and a complainer about all of the little things is just to miss the mark of life. It’s to look at things that are unimportant and, and consequential. And then to set those memories. Justin talked so much about like our kids look at us and our kid, what is our, what are we leaving? Like, oh, dad’s dad never has fun. Dad never leaves to go on trips. Dad always is complaining about the money. Dad’s always, he doesn’t want to go there. Cause you know, he doesn’t like grandma and grandpa and he doesn’t want to visit the thing.
Taco Mike (01:26:52):
Like, that’s just, if that’s your wake, like, that’s what you’re leaving behind the wake of life that you that’s, that’s the memories. Like that’s the tone that you’re setting for your life. And it’s just choices. It’s just attitude and choices. We talked about that. So that may be a bit of a wrong answer to your question. But the reality is, is we are so freaking blessed with so many things. And if you’re alive and you have family to be with and you have kids to play with, then just dig in and do the work, do the inner work, the soul work to figure out how to find joy in that and live, live in your life. And just fricking ring that wash rag out and get every drop out of it.
Brad Singletary (01:27:40):
I told you, man, I don’t know if you knew Mike like this before, but master teacher, thank you both for bringing this stuff. All of your experiences. This really, I would like to be a man. Like I see you guys are, thank you so much for being here. And you know, this is something that you’ll, this is going to be captured. This is going on the internet and it ain’t ever going away. So I hope kids will listen to it someday. And people at your funeral will play all the, all the episodes episode, episode 75,
Speaker 5 (01:28:09):
By the way, this is episode 75,
Brad Singletary (01:28:12):
We’ve done 75 episodes, really 75, 75,
Speaker 5 (01:28:17):
Congratulations. More than an hour.
Brad Singletary (01:28:18):
Each if an average book is about five hours in length, let’s say to read what’s five and a 75 math guy. I don’t know, seven, six, we’ve got 15 books worth of content in 75 podcasts episodes. And Mike is the one making it hot. So anyway, you guys are awesome. Thank you again for being here. Until next time. No excuses alpha up
Speaker 2 (01:28:47):
Gentlemen, you are the alpha and this is the alpha quorum.