boundaries and expectations

EPISODE 49

THE VALET KEY

BOUNDARIES AND EXPECTATIONS

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ALPHA SHOT: One-minute Sample

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049:

THE VALET KEY

BOUNDARIES AND EXPECTATIONS
In this episode, hosted by Mike Olsen, we discuss boundaries in relationships and in the workplace.

What is the definition of “boundaries”?

What kinds of problems are created with un-defined, un specified, lack of clearly defined boundaries?

Undiscussed boundaries lead to resentment, disappointment, anger, frustration, sketchy behaviors, then excuses.

What happens when boundaries are overly rigid?

Isolated, boring life, stifling creativity and spontaneity, suffocation

What does it look like when you have healthy boundaries:

Negotiated between the parties, third party approval, free and safe to explore who they are / what they want to become, safety and security, permission to explore life, shared control.

Why men lack assertiveness in boundary setting? Fear, laziness, people pleasing

Effective ways to set boundaries? What are the words to use?

Pro TIPS:

“I” statements: discuss what you are willing to do, NOT what the other MUST do.

Don’t duck out. Don’t quit. If you need to take a break, do so, but don’t walk out entirely and not come back to it. Believe that at the end, there will be a solution, make it so.

Be as emotional as is warranted, and be free with those emotions

Put them in writing if you feel you can’t communicate them verbally

Learn how to argue and negotiate, be gracious in your ‘defeat’

Accept that conflict is going to happen and be mature enough to endure it

“What do you expect the boundary to look like”

Define the boundary title. What is it you are trying to decide?

Examples of when a boundary is crossed?

Finances

“Dates” or involvement with other people

Lying

Substance use

What is a HEALTHY way to deal with a crossed boundary

Relationships are continually re-negotiated based on new information or new situations as they come up, be mature and wise enough to see where you may have been wrong-humble and teachable

Communicate

Move out, sleep in a different bed, do what you gotta do.

Communicate effectively, right time and right space, that the boundary has been crossed.

Schedule it.

Allow your partner to prepare

Let them know that there has been a boundary crossed and it’s important to discuss.

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Alphas Know How to Love

Alphas Know How to Love

There are many contributors out there in the manosphere. They preach messages about six-pack abs and the ability to use a bow and arrow and they portray images of themselves in front of their Lamborghini’s and jets. That’s not necessarily our brand of #masculinity.

An Alpha knows how to love.

First, he understands what love is. Mature love is a relentless pursuit of meeting the needs of those in his circle, including himself. It is not merely the passive feeling that one has in relation to the lover, the child, the friend. It is active effort toward meeting the needs of other people. Love is a verb and requires your self-affirming, yet selfless, actions.

Love is an understanding of himself. An Alpha knows who he is at the deepest level and is confident and secure in himself. He is unwavering in his acceptance of his distinguishable qualities and he appreciates who he already is and knows who he can become.

An Alpha understands the specific needs of those to whom he attempts to extend love. He knows how to speak their language. He knows how to forgive those who may not even be deserving of forgiveness. He understands that, above all, love is sacrifice.

Love is sacrificing the self. After understanding his own value, he appreciates and respects value in others. He knows how to make sacrifices and is willing to lay down his weapons against others and fulfill the needs of those in his tribe. When he has wronged another, he promptly admits it. He makes amends and seeks to show, after his genuinely appropriate rebukes, an increase of love.

Love is giving. He responsibly meets his own needs without taking away from the resources of time and energy that he might reasonably give away. He seeks out the downtrodden and brokenhearted and makes every possible effort to comfort the weak, the weary and even the wayward.

Alphas epitomize love in their attitudes, actions , and attributes. Who do you need to extend more love to: yourself, the most significant people around you, the stranger? Engage with a tribe of capable men so that you can learn how to love.

tribe: the day the quorum became alpha

EPISODE 48

TRIBE

SEEK ALTERNATE ROUTE (LIFE WORKS UNTIL IT DOESN’T)

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THE ALPHA QUORUM SHOW

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048:

TRIBE

THE DAY THE QUORUM BECAME ALPHA

Derik Johnson shares an important truth about the unmet needs of men: isolation will destroy you. We need tribes of other men to hold us accountable, teach us about our own potential we may not be seeing, and call us out when we need it.

He recounts a moment in a recent meeting where he was called out by Brad who used some uncharacteristic language to confront Derik with a challenge to become better. Brad’s comments are seconded my Taco Mike, Thunt, and Mike Olsen.

This short episode represents a year of podcasting for the Alpha Quorum. Get ready, dudes. We’ve only just begun.

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047 road closed

EPISODE 47

ROAD CLOSED

SEEK ALTERNATE ROUTE (LIFE WORKS UNTIL IT DOESN’T)

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THE ALPHA QUORUM SHOW

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047:

ROAD CLOSED

SEEK ALTERNATE ROUTE (LIFE WORKS UNTIL IT DOESN’T)

Taco Mike describes three keys to living a healthy life: not throwing away your confidence, enduring difficult times, and not shrinking from the hardest challenges in life. He describes a pivotal moment in his life when he had to realize that the road he was on wasn’t taking him anywhere that he wanted to be and he had to “find an alternate route.”

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Emotionoscopy: Preventing mental and emotional cancer

EPISODE 46

EMOTIONOSCOPY

PREVENTING MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL CANCER

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THE ALPHA QUORUM SHOW

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046:

EMOTIONOSCOPY

PREVENTING MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL CANCER

Mike Olsen describes his recent “greasy cheek” colonoscopy at his 50 year-old physical with Dr. Cindy and relates how choosing temporary discomfort can prevent disease of the medical, emotional, social, or spiritual type. He shares how it takes the courage to be vulnerable to feedback to live a healthy life. Hear how much he was entertained by nurse Myra’s discomfort with her first procedure like this and Mike’s relief that they only use their pinky!

He asks himself:

“Am I happy at work? Am I happy with my relationships? Could I have an emotional or a mental cancer and be in denial of it or not even be aware and be so afraid of change that I’m not even going to ask those questions. And I know that there are many people that ignore the medical advice to their own peril. They ignore personal advice to make changes when they could take action that would dramatically improve their medical and or mental or spiritual wellbeing. So why? Fear. That’s the reason. Fear of change. Fear of other people’s opinions. Fear of hearing the truth, lack of faith. Getting out of our comfort zone and FACING the uncomfortable situation and facing any potential truths and doing what the data proves can dramatically increase the quality of our life, or even save our life is worth it. ”

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