097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance
097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance
In one of the most interesting and widely relevant topics to date, Founder Brad Singletary discusses the problem with most failing relationships: he isn’t being a loving and devoted leader, and she isn’t being open about how she is actually feeling. These problems kill relationships and Brad shares some of the work by Zak Roedde and Mark Binet who outline what men and women can do to be more effective in their relationships.
While he doesn’t endorse every aspect of this philosophy, Brad observes that this exact pattern is what has plagued every couple he can remember in a career of over two decades working with people’s relationships. He shares some of the basics about how to get a romantic relationship fully polarized by using the nature of both feminine and masculine energies to complement each other’s inherent gifts.
00:00:00:16 – 00:01:01:19
Brad Singletary
I’m about to tell you what’s wrong in your relationship. It’s upside down in the polarity of masculine and feminine natures. We need this polarity for chemistry and passion. When it’s missing or when it’s inverted, it can become dull and boring and this is when affairs can happen. Women accidentally emasculate and disrespect the man because she is in a masculine frame of mind out of necessity. She’s been wounded and traumatized in life. She’s just protecting herself. Unfortunately, she needs to do that often because of abusive men in the past maybe you. You are not expressing loving and devoted leadership. And maybe you’ve become a doormat and are afraid of her. So she is leading and that frustrates you. You aren’t open to her feelings. But often she’s not even actually sharing any. Stay tuned as I review polarity.
00:01:04:29 – 00:01:26:06
Intro
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.
00:01:30:10 – 00:02:20:09
Brad Singletary
Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here, you guys. This is going to be the best thing that I’ve ever talked about on this show. I can’t even tell you how excited I am. I know it’s been a few weeks since we posted a show. It’s sometimes a little bit difficult to get people lined up when our schedules match up and so forth. So if you have potential guests you’d like to have us feature on the Alpha Quorum Show. Send us a link. Send us a, you know, notification about who that might be. Today, I want to talk about something that has been a mind blowing like revelation. This information that I’ve been reading has been just a game changer for me. So I’ve been in behavioral health for 24 years, working with individuals and families in all different kinds of settings.
00:02:20:27 – 00:03:15:11
Brad Singletary
And I’ve done a lot of work recently, meaning the last several years, the last, you know, ten years or so of my life with couples. I’ve done, there’s lots of different models, lots of different types of therapy that you can do with couples. And some of that stuff has been really difficult with, some of the concepts are great. They don’t seem to kind of work in every situation. Some of them are overly simplistic. Some of them are overly complicated. This information that I’m going to share today. It’s just. I can’t believe that I’m 47 years old. I have a master’s degree. And I even taught in graduate school. I taught in a graduate program for six years. And I’m just now finding out this information about polarity in relationships.
00:03:15:11 – 00:03:59:20
Brad Singletary
So a few years ago I read David Deida and when I started getting into the manosphere stuff a little bit, some of the men’s literature I should say, and I read David Deida, like The Way of the Superior Man and some of his other stuff and listen to some of his videos and he talks a little bit about polarity, but this brand of polarity talk that I want to share comes from a specific guy I forget who even turned me on to this dude and this author his name is Zak Roedde. And he’s just some young younger guy.
00:03:59:20 – 00:04:35:17
Brad Singletary
I don’t know. He’s probably younger than me. I don’t know his background, and I don’t believe he has professional training like myself. But what he’s talking about is the truth. It is the truth. And this is why I’m so excited to tell you because I’ve never understood the problems with romantic relationships like I have in the last month. So what I’m going to do is just kind of summarize what they teach, Zak Roedde and Mark Binet.
00:04:36:16 – 00:05:37:08
Brad Singletary
Those are the the guys that I’ve learned from the most here. They’ve got YouTube. We’re going to put links in the show notes and stuff here. It’s about the balance between the masculine and feminine energies in relationships. This is Zak Roeddes, he’s the author of three books. I can’t remember the names exactly. One of them is like “Irresistibly Feminine”, a book for women. One is called “Don’t Let Her Lead” And there’s another one. I don’t have that right up in front of me. But it talks about the need for men to be the leader and for the woman to be in the submissive role. Now, let me just warn all of you who may be triggered by just those comments and those words about submissiveness and so forth. You know, I look at almost everything a little bit skeptically. It takes a lot to impress me. It takes a lot.
00:05:37:08 – 00:05:46:00
Brad Singletary
When I see some YouTube or some teaching or someone’s book. I’ve read so many things. It takes a lot to really impressed me. This shit is impressive. And I think you have to look beyond what you think they’re saying. Okay. This isn’t. I don’t know, this Andrew Tate, you know, he’s a guy out there who’s been ridiculed. And kind of, they’ve canceled him now. I guess he, you know, had something surface or whatever, but it’s not quite that brand of how women should be property and that kind of stuff. But he talks about some of the natural instincts with with men and women. And so I listen to him. I listen to him, and I applied it to myself.
00:06:23:25 – 00:07:02:21
Brad Singletary
First of all, I’m in my second marriage. I’ve been basically in a marriage or in a relationship with someone that I was married to since 1998. I’ve worked in behavioral health for 24 years. I’ve worked with tons of couples in you know, marriage and family type situations. And so I’ve seen this and as I’ve learned this information about polarity, I go back through all the cases that I’ve ever worked with and just look to see if this model applies or if this dynamic applies to these people. And it does in every single one, when things weren’t good in my marriages. This is what’s happening.
00:07:02:21 – 00:07:49:26
Brad Singletary
So I’m about to tell you what’s wrong with your relationship and I’m going to tell you how to fix it. This could be difficult to fully take in because it’s very different than what we’ve been taught, the influences on what men and women should expect from each other. It’s all kind of screwed up, though. The messaging is a little bit distorted. So what I want to do today is talk about polarity through the lens of the work of Zak Roedde and Mark Binet. Now, I don’t know all of their teaching. I did a masterclass, read some of the books.
00:07:48:24 – 00:08:16:23
Brad Singletary
I’ve joined the Facebook Group. And I’m just learning from like their TikTok accounts. Just learning about some of these concepts. So it’s new to me. So I’m kind of doing this to synthesize the information, all this buildup, because it’s going to be powerful when we get there. But I wanted to actually message Zak and ask him to be on the show. And he said,you know, maybe when the audience is a little bit bigger. That’s why we need you, bro.
00:08:16:23 – 00:09:15:01
Brad Singletary
So I need you to be a part of this so we can grow the audience anyway. And he offered to have one of his kind of trainees or, you know, his protege or whatever do that, do join the podcast but instead of taking the time that it would, that we would probably need to arrange something like that, I have to get this information out there. I want to record this because I think this is going to help people. And this is going to help people. See what happens when a relationship is broken and how you fix it. So the first point here is that problems in relationships come when the partners, the husband and wife, you know, when the male and the female. And yes, I’m talking about heterosexual relationships here. But when the masculine and feminine polarity is inverted, there are Problems.
00:09:15:01 – 00:09:57:11
Brad Singletary
She’s in the masculine. And that means that she’s trying to lead and she’s trying to protect and she’s trying to Direct and do all of those things that she needs to do to feel safe. And that’s not a that’s not problematic. That’s her adapting to the life that she’s lived. She’s probably a person who has been, you know, harmed and injured in relationships, may have dealt with trauma. All of that stuff is very valid as a as a precursor or a predictor of what happens when the female is living in masculine, when she’s masculinized. So she’s kind of tough, maybe too tough. Maybe she’s guarding her feelings.
00:09:57:11 – 00:10:40:08
Brad Singletary
Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about her. She can’t acknowledge and talk about her feelings. And she’s unhappy. I believe that a woman who is living in masculine energy in her relationship, if she’s in a relationship with a man, it’s not very happy. Because that means he is an emasculated man. Because a polarity exists. We have this polar. So we kind of create the level of like feminine or masculine presentation in the other and the other person. We were part of it. We were part of that dynamic.
00:10:40:08 – 00:11:33:01
Brad Singletary
So if the female is masculinized because of the threatening things that she’s been through in her life, because of her childhood upbringing. There’s abuse. There’s, you know, whatever kind of things back. Or in romantic relationships, she’s been hurt or somehow has been made to feel unsafe. She’s been betrayed. Totally makes sense. Why she would be a mrs.
‘Little Miss Tough Girl’ in the masculine frame. Well, if she’s in the masculine frame guess where he is? He’s in the feminine frame. And what does that look like? He’s all about his feelings. And this is kind of the negative side of the feminine, which would be about, you know, emotional states and it would be maybe his caretaking. And so he’s doing a lot of caretaking. He’s the nice guy.
00:11:33:01 – 00:12:22:06
Brad Singletary
He’s a little bit. He’s in a submissive role. But that goes against his nature. Goes against his nature. And so he is not happy. You don’t agree with what I’m saying? You write me an email, send me a similar message. This is what I believe to be the truth. And what I have experienced in life. And as I’ve worked with people in a professional way for I think the number now is about 60,000 hours in my field. So she’s in the masculine, he’s in the feminine. They’re a little bit upside down. I’ll give you an example of one of my cases that I worked with so this guy is maybe 50 years old-ish. He’s an alcoholic. And recovery’s got several years of sobriety.
00:12:22:06 – 00:13:19:28
Brad Singletary
And because of all the nonsense he did as an alcoholic he feels like he doesn’t have the moral authority to, you know, exact any justice at home. He says, you know, his wife is kind of pushy, she’s manipulative. She’s extremely masculine in how she debates him and challenges him. And she’s like a drill sergeant. They also never really have sex. She doesn’t really respect him and he is afraid of her. So that’s an example of kind of an inverted polarity in the relationship. So why is this so important? I think it’s because the natural needs and the natural irritants in the feminine and masculine makeup can kind of be we can kind of understand those. And part of that, what the authors here talk about is that you can do that based on how you feel.
00:13:19:28 – 00:14:09:05
Brad Singletary
So let’s just say, what happens when a man’s wife is telling him what to do. Let me just ask you. In most cases, the wife is barking out orders to the husband and what is happening to him. You guessed it, he’s a little frustrated. He’s irritated this this is rubbing him the wrong way. And we look at that and we say ‘Oh, well, that’s his ego. That is his that’s problematic.’ This is somehow a weakness. He needs to learn to be more patient or whatever, you know, well, maybe this is the wrong person is taking the role of leadership. And it’s frustrating to him. It goes against his nature. Why does it go against his nature? Because throughout all of human history, the man was the protector and the provider.
00:14:09:05 – 00:15:03:27
Brad Singletary
So he needed to to be in the lead of his little unit, and he needed to lead that in order for survival to happen. Well, we don’t have those same survival needs today. Of course, but why do some of this stuff get us so frustrated? So men can’t handle directions they don’t like to be led. They may be a good follower. They may be a humble follower, but they’re not interested in being told what to do. They’re not interested in judgments. They’re not interested in being led by their woman. And when they are, they don’t feel good. They can handle it. They can do it. The old saying the old men say at weddings, you know, they go around. And what is your advice for the new couple? And the old men always say, you know, just learn to say, yes, dear and go along with whatever she wants. That’s fucking horseshit.
00:15:03:27 – 00:16:02:25
Brad Singletary
That’s a cute little thing for Old Men to say at weddings. But it’s horseshit because if you start doing everything that she’s telling you to do, and every time any of her emotion gets to become something that you’re afraid of, you’re losing. You don’t feel well. She doesn’t trust you and she doesn’t respect you because she is wired to follow your leadership. She’s wired to be receptive and be open to be submissive. A different author, someone else kind of talked about the male and female sexual anatomy. So if you think about like the male sex organ, it stands up point forward. It’s penetrating and firm and rigid and so forth.
00:16:02:25 – 00:16:49:25
Brad Singletary
The feminine sexual organ, if it’s soft, it’s open, it is receptive. And so these authors talk about the reason things get problematic in relationships is because he is soft. And she.is hard. She’s in the masculine role and he is in the feminine. And it’s frustrating to both of them and they don’t know why. And nobody can really articulate this. I’m telling you, I read from the best authors on relationships ever that ever have written in our time. And none of it really seemed to touch on what’s going on in our nature when we’re having these problems.
00:16:49:25 – 00:17:39:29
Brad Singletary
So her greatest needs, the female’s greatest need is to feel cherished. Her greatest need is to feel cheered. His greatest need is to feel respected, to be appreciated, to feel respected. And when she is in her masculine energy, when there’s when they’re deep polarized, the woman is leading, she’s directing, she’s seeking an outcome. She’s asking for her needs to be met. And that sounds fine that she can ask for her needs to be met. But guess what happens to every man when he’s asked to do something? He may do it, but he’s frustrated by it. It irritates him. Think of think about this, dudes.
00:17:39:29 – 00:18:39:07
Brad Singletary
If you have a woman who’s ever asked you to buy flowers or complain that you never buy me flowers, what does that do to the motivation to buy flowers? Exactly. So she’s giving gifts to you, you know, and when she’s in her masculine. So remember, the masculine is the is the one that is giving and the feminine is the one that’s receiving. So she’s giving gifts. He doesn’t want or need gifts. He doesn’t want or need gifts he wants to be respected as the leader she is. When she’s in her masculine nature, she’s anticipating needs. Well, that sounds very loving. That sounds very nice that she’s made his favorite meal. But that means she’s mothering him. She’s mothering him, not she’s smothering him, but maybe both. She’s mothering him.
00:18:39:07 – 00:19:25:15
Brad Singletary
And that’s what’s different about this whole philosophy. Some people have said, Oh, we’re trying to go back to a 1950s ethic where, you know, the wife is somehow in some like subservient role or whatever. You know, because even in the fifties that archetype bore wife that even that wasn’t very feminine because she’s always anticipating his needs. She’s walking around like a servant, bringing him his his things. And that’s not very feminine because she’s leading it. She’s leading and controlling the situation. So she’s kind of mothering him. She’s giving reminders. Here some pointers and why is that a big deal?
00:19:25:15 – 00:20:19:08
Brad Singletary
So some guys I know are going to hear this and they’re going to defend that and say ‘Well, I like it when she gives her input and I like it when she helps me set my doctor’s appointments and whatever.’ So why is that a big deal? It’s a big deal because she can that whole thing, let’s say she’s making appointments, reminding you were giving you pointers on things. She’s mothering you. It communicates that she can’t trust you and she can’t trust you. She doesn’t respect you. And if she doesn’t respect you, she’s not as receptive to you. And if she can’t and if she can’t respect you. She’s not receptive to you. So she’s leading and she’s pushing you around and she’s making her complaints.
00:20:19:08 – 00:21:10:27
Brad Singletary
She’s criticizing you and she’s throwing information at you, which just brings distortion into your head. And she’s not very open to you. So you got this bossy roommate who doesn’t want to touch. And she’s unhappy with you all the time. And you hate being around because she makes you feel so bad about yourself. But she’s not even all that into you because you’re not leading. I’ve been this person, by the way. I’ve been that guy. So those are some active forms of the feminine. Those are some active forms of the female being in a masculine, those kind of role. Some passive ones might be that she’s guarded, she’s self-protecting.
00:21:10:27 – 00:22:13:09
Brad Singletary
She’s not talking about her feelings. She’s guarding those feelings. And one of the things that I’m teaching men to try to do is lead their woman to her feelings. Don’t just be accepting of her feelings, but recognize when she’s not even sharing her feelings because what she needs is to what she needs is to feel of her man’s devotion. And she is most often feeling that devotion when she can feel safe in her feelings. But if she’s in a masculine state guarding, protecting, she’s the one seeking outcome. She’s directing and leading, and she’s the one who wears the pants. No one’s happy. No one’s happy with that.
00:22:13:09 – 00:22:57:26
Brad Singletary
If you have a female led relationship and flower and she’s the boss and you’re so happy and she loves you and wants to have sex with you very often and you’re able to perform that and everybody’s happy. And you’re the woman in the relationship and she’s the man. If you’re happy with that, holler, we’ll get you on the show. Here could you send me a message or we’d like to interview you. A man who’s emasculated is submissive. He does what he’s told. He does things he doesn’t really want to do because he’s afraid to, you know, make waves. Maybe he’s a little bit codependent and he’s in his feelings and he’s weak and he’s not performing. He’s not providing.
00:22:57:26 – 00:23:52:11
Brad Singletary
Maybe an emasculated man is under employed maybe. Or he’s, you know, not providing the things that his unit may need. So what the men should do, the goal of the masculine is to express loving devotion. And a man does that by leading with love and sensitivity. Actually nothing about this nothing about this teaching is, although we talk about, you know, the man should be dominant, the man should be dominant by expressing a warm, loving devotion and that he’s so reliable. And that is so safe. All of the feelings are safe.
00:23:52:11 – 00:24:43:23
Brad Singletary
He’s not running from feelings. He’s actually bringing some order to the sometimes seemingly chaotic expression of emotions, because many times what women are expressing is not emotion at all. Which is very difficult. Even here in my office, as I’m working with them and coaching them through this. They kind of get stuck and said ‘Well, what is your emotion about that?’ And she will often say ‘Well, I just think this is all unfair.’ You see, that’s not that’s a judgment. That’s not even an emotion. You know, if she feels some betrayal, if she feels that she is you know. She feels sad. If she feels fear or anger, those are the things that a man can do to help her to feel safe.
00:24:43:23 – 00:25:31:07
Brad Singletary
So men should express loving devotion. They should lead. They should anticipate her needs. Remember, the man is in the in the role of the giver. So he is the one who meets needs. He’s anticipating her needs. She is not anticipating his need. The man is in the giving role. He, the one of the words they one of the words they use is that he energetically penetrates her. Think about that energetically penetrates her these terms penetrates her like vigorously. As in sexual but also energetically meaning with his energy. He’s he’s driving the car.
00:25:31:07 – 00:26:25:05
Brad Singletary
So he provides he’s the one who sets the expectation. He turns himself into a self-Improvement machine. He’s got to really become a person who’s worthy of respect. This isn’t about the man is the boss, and the woman shuts her mouth. That is not what this is about. This is about we decide who the leader is, what these guys suggest, and what I believe, I think with with only a couple of months of exposure to this. But I believe that the male should lead in a relationship and that doesn’t mean that he’s a dictator. Remember, this is. This is an honor reserved only for the most devoted, kind of loving leader.
00:26:25:05 – 00:27:26:04
Brad Singletary
So this man is true to his word. He turns himself into a self improvement machine and he’s in the giving role. He’s leading. He’s making it very safe. So what is the woman’s role? So the word that they use I love this. Listen to this. The word that they use for kind of the best expression of love from the woman is that she expresses radiance, that she’s in a radiant state. And I thought I knew what a man, but I looked it up. What does radiant mean? It means. It’s emanating light. It’s shining light, it’s warm. And there’s some brilliance and beauty to it. So what does it mean for a woman to be in her radiant? It means that she’s number one in touch with her feelings. She’s able to express her feelings.
00:27:26:04 – 00:28:19:10
Brad Singletary
And when I say express her feelings, I don’t mean run rave about the story that happened last weekend that never got resolved. And she’s running through this list of complaints and she’s bitching at you. That’s not expressing feelings. Expressing feelings is knowing what they are first and then having the ability to articulate those feelings. Our emotional vocabulary is pretty limited. I mean, I have advanced training in this and I’ve even taught in the Graduate programs. And still and I talk about this all day long, every day. And still my own use of descriptors. Of emotion, you know, that’s it’s limited. And so it may take some time to kind of learn the difference between anger and frustration, to learn the difference and to understand what it is you feel and to be able to name it.
00:28:19:10 – 00:29:19:10
Brad Singletary
That’s part of your radiance that you’re in touch with, your feelings. You can express them. And it also kind of represents your just overall feminine like the feminine receptive energy you fully receive from your man. You submit to his leadership. Now, let me just talk about the word submission. This is not subservience. This submission only is valid, it’s only appropriate when there is devotion. And so when he’s not expressing devotion to her and she feels that there’s this trust and this love and this very reliable, stable energy, if he’s not expressing devotion, she’s not expressing radiance, she’s not a lot of fun. She’s not talking about her feelings. She’s talking about facts and figures and the complaints and the list that you didn’t do.
00:29:19:10 – 00:30:10:16
Brad Singletary
And she’s sending an email to your therapist and all those kind of things which upsets you. It’s demotivating. So the woman in her radiance, she’s willing to follow, submit to his leadership. And one of the points that they make over and over is that if a woman can’t be submissive, a masculine man is not going to want you because of polarity. If he’s if he’s masculine, if he’s got some mojo. If he has a healthy nontoxic, strong sense of masculinity, he isn’t going to want anything to do with you if you can’t be submissive and radiant dude. So, okay.
00:30:10:16 – 00:30:38:08
Brad Singletary
So on the surface. This looks all misogynistic. Okay? This is we’re saying the men should, the men are in charge. She just said, you know, kind of to sit pretty and sit there like the flower and let the B come to visit. Not exactly, but remember, we’re kind of talking about the reason that this stuff seems to work. And by the way, I have seen this applied in every everyone who’s tried to do these things.
00:30:38:08 – 00:31:29:11
Brad Singletary
This kind of creates an almost like erotic almost sort of spiritual feeling, because even though a woman doesn’t have to submit to her man, she can be independent. She doesn’t have to submit like that. But if she does, she’s going to feel a lot better. It’s going to feel very safe. It’s going to feel very secure. And if I had one common problem that women have, if you boil it all down, it’s they need to really feel a sense of security. So it’s not just about money and resources. It’s about emotional security. And that security is expressed through his devotion.
00:31:29:11 – 00:32:09:05
Brad Singletary
Which is the one word that describes the man leading with love anticipating her needs. He’s in the giving role. He’s a service oriented man, and he has so much respect that she wouldn’t dare turn him down. She wants to connect with this person who loves her so much because he’s doing his job. And she’s doing her job and they’re feeding each other. These guys kind of say if you’re in a polarized relationship, that’s healthy. There’s not going to be any divorce. There’s not going to be an unfulfilling sexual relationship.
00:32:09:05 – 00:33:18:05
Brad Singletary
Another one of the coaches here, I think his name is Jason McKee, but he talked about submission is and I’ll quote him, “The submission of the radiant woman, her submissiveness is exclusively reserved for devoted leadership. She does not submit to anything that’s bullshit. She doesn’t submit to anything that is abusive. She doesn’t submit to anything that makes her feel threatened or unsafe. And the reason that’s not going to happen is because he’s committed to showing her devotion and showing her love and loyalty. And he’s got calmness and he’s interested in her feelings. He wants to hear it. He’s leading her to that. And so she is happy to be submissive. That’s like a person if you’re in I don’t want to compare this to like a boss, you know, kind of an employee employer relationship. But if there is a leader in you do your best by your leader.
00:33:18:05 – 00:34:19:25
Brad Singletary
Your leader most often is also going to take care of you. And so I love one of the things one of these guys said. And maybe a YouTube video they said, ideally, everyone gets what they want in the relationship. So what do they typically want? You know, the woman wants to feel safe financially. She wants to know that everything’s going to be. Okay. So he’s taking care of business and what makes him take care of business because she is so radiant, she’s expressing beauty in everything. She’s soft. She can open with her feelings. I thought of a funny little visual that, you know, her getting into her feelings is kind of like she’s flashing her tits because she’s showing herself. She’s showing she’s exposing the soft stuff.
00:34:19:25 – 00:35:01:02
Brad Singletary
You know, those feelings that men are so afraid of? She cries. I see this all the time. She cries and the man shakes his head and he’s like, ‘Oh, great, here we go.’ You’re like, ‘This is a manipulation tactic.’ I know that emotion is like the psychological G-spot. You want to get there, you want to get her into her emotion. So if there’s a problem, there’s what would normally be a complaint. If she comes to you with a complaint, you’re going to listen to that and try to. But one of my one of my buddies use this analogy.
00:35:01:02 – 00:36:00:21
Brad Singletary
Derrick Johnson, one of the original founders of the Alpha Quorum. And he talked about, you know, listen to the music. Don’t listen to the lyrics and the lyrics, you know, that’s all the complaints and that’s all of the judgments and all of the expectation and all the bossy stuff that she’s telling you to do. That’s the lyrics. The music is the emotion that’s driving all that. The music is What is she feeling? So skip the words. We’re going we’re going instrumental here. And you want to just listen to the feeling and ask her to tell you what feeling is? What is the emotion behind this? Babe, what is it? What is this? What? Where is this coming from? How would you name the where is it in your body? Because I love you and I just want to sit with you. I want to understand this for a minute here with you.
00:36:00:21 – 00:36:04:06
Brad Singletary
And, you know, I don’t know how this works. If you’re just trying to decide on if this is pizza or pasta, I don’t know how you do that if if you have to use this model. But basically everyone understands that he’s the leader. And she is the supportive, soft, radiant one who equally shows her devotion in her own way. With her radiance, she expresses her emotion vulnerably. She receives him fully. She lives in her true self-worth. She knows her value. She knows her value. She does things that bring her peace. She doesn’t try to give him gifts. She lights up when he gives her gifts. She’s like purring with pleasure when he touches her.
00:37:01:10 – 00:38:00:10
Brad Singletary
And when she needs something, she asks for help. She doesn’t say, Open this pickle jar. Maybe, she says, ‘Can I have help opening this pickle jar? I’m unable to open this pickle jar’ if she’s seeking an outcome, if she’s got an agenda and she’s assigning him a list of things to do is going to frustrate it and so the point of this is not to make this easier for men. This is to make it easier for everybody. This what I’m talking about is going to work for all of you. The magic of this is that she is so receptive to him that he’s never unsatisfied, and that allows him to be so devoted to making her feel safe that he would never do anything, that she wouldn’t choose. Her submission ss her choice because of her respect for him.
00:38:00:10 – 00:38:37:01
Brad Singletary
I heard a lady are, two women recently and one was the lady’s husband plays several hours of video games at night. And I kind of said I probably jumped to a judgment on that, but I just kind of said, ‘wow, that’s a lot, you know, does that make you upset?’ And she says, ‘oh my gosh, no way. He works so hard for our family. Like he’s so devoted to our family that when that’s what he wants to do, I just know that’s what he needs. He does that and it is not at all because of it. Because of my respect for him. That’s not bothersome at all.’
00:38:37:01 – 00:39:32:27
Brad Singletary
Another lady was talking about her husband and she said, ‘You know, he is the man. My husband is the man.’ She was talking about his accomplishments, but she was really kind of saying. He takes care of us and because he takes care of us. And we were working on some other some parenting stuff with adult children that they had. But but their relationship, it was so good that she was able to just, you know, accept and respect him as the leader because he always took care of her. So I think this stuff is valuable because we’re taking a look at what doesn’t work. You’re taking a look at what works and what doesn’t work. And when I look at like when I have started, so let’s say that a couple they’ve been married, you know.
00:39:32:27 – 00:40:22:29
Brad Singletary
Let’s say 12 years or so and you’ve got like an inverted polarity. So she’s too often in her masculine. She tries to lead. Tell things how it’s going to go. This is what we’re doing. Oh, we’re buying. Look, we’re not using that toothbrush anymore. I threw your toothbrush away. And I bought you a new toothbrush that emasculated man, because you’ve taken away his ability to lead his own, to lead his own life. And that stuff is frustrating. If he doesn’t want you to throw his toothbrush and buy him a new toothbrush, unless he does, and then he asks you for it, and you gladly do that because he your tank is so full, he’s been so loving to you, and his devotion is unquestionable.
00:40:22:29 – 00:42:00:13
Brad Singletary
So you have this inverted polarity in a relationship. There have been together for 12 years. There. You know, she’s too often in the pushy, critical role she’s going drill sergeant and he’s just trying to get along, you know, “happy wife, happy life.” He’s just trying to be the nice guy and his life sucks. And he doesn’t feel much like a man because she’s the one with the, she’s that she’s got a big dick herself. She thinks she does. And so she respects him less and less. And she gets tougher and tougher on him, which makes him retreat further. Until someone comes along. Another woman who is high in her feminine energy, she comes this feminine woman, this new feminine woman comes and she receives him. She listens to him. She thinks that he’s great. She’s a big fan and it makes him feel so masculine. So I believe that one of the reasons that affairs happened and when I, when I look at any one where there ever was an affair that I’ve worked with professionally, I look at this and I say, they were inverted in the affair, partner switched it back.
00:42:00:13 – 00:43:03:22
Brad Singletary
You know, their affair partner put them back in their proper polarity. So the female who’s taking care of all the business she’s handling all the stuff, handling all the kids, paying all the bills, tracking everything, making everybody’s lunches. And she’s the boss of everything. She’s tired of living in masculine energy, being the one who’s you know, doing all the provision and so forth, all the providing and protecting. And so along comes a very masculine man who puts her into her feminine. And so because of his strength and he’s just the solid nature of what he brings, she is very receptive to that because now this is very attractive because she’s got a girly man at home who’s feminized and what’s the word, the emasculated.
00:43:03:22 – 00:43:43:26
Brad Singletary
And she doesn’t respect him and she definitely doesn’t want to have sex with him. So this man comes along and he helps her feel very feminine. He shows some kind of devotion to her which is what she really craves. I talked to a woman today and I asked her to scale on a scale of 1 to 10, the devotional level of her husband and I started describing what devotion means. She said, ‘The more you describe, the more the numbers go down. It was like a six, but I think it’s a two now.’
00:43:43:26 – 00:44:39:27
Brad Singletary
She doesn’t feel that devotion. So some man who is in a healthy sense of masculinity is going to come along and he’s going to lead this desperate woman into her feminine, into her emotions. And when she can sit comfortably in her emotions and she can be vulnerable. She’ll probably take your clothes off for this dude. And it feels so powerful. It feels so good. Why does it feel good? It’s because the rest of their life, the other relationship their primary relationship, their marriage or whatever is upside down and they feel like shit. Nobody’s happy. But this guy or this girl comes along. And that’s what I think courting is all about, sort of the courting rituals and so forth.
00:44:39:27 – 00:44:40:28
Brad Singletary
It kind of lends to this whole idea that the man should lead. But what we’re being taught and what’s and I don’t even want to get into political debate about this, but obviously this is going to fly in the face of what some of you may believe about gender roles. But I’m telling you, with 45 to 60 days of study that I’ve looked at, looked at this stuff, almost in all of my spare time. And when I’ve looked at the people that I’m working with, this is the language. I believethat I’m changing my entire practice. I want to I want to figure out how to work this into the stuff I’m trying to put together for the Alpha Quorum stuff, specifically for men.
00:45:32:02 – 00:46:36:02
Brad Singletary
But I think this is the problem in your relationship. He’s not leading. He’s scared of her because she’s in her masculine. She’s in she’s in toxic masculinity, the woman is in. She’s taking care of him and she’s anticipating his needs. She’s mothering him. She’s choosing what toothpaste he uses. She’s leading so much and it takes away his opportunity to lead. It takes away his opportunity to decide. It kind of silences him because he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful. For all the stuff that she’s doing. So he backs away, but she’s not very attracted to him because he’s not in his masculinity. He’s emasculated to the point where she’s not all that impressed. So he does not feel received by her. There’s no radiance.
00:46:36:02 – 00:47:47:17
Brad Singletary
She’s lost her little her little glow. She’s lost her softness. She’s lost her sensuality. She’s lost her smelling good. She doesn’t wear the jewelry anymore, doesn’t do her hair unless she’s going to the doctor. You know, the dentist, the man who’s probably in a masculine way. So she responds to that. So that’s what we’re doing in our relationships. We’re responding to each other and we’re creating in the other most of what you. It’s probably coming from you, not in your natural state of polarity. So I really believe that this stuff is super valuable. I want to just try to review this again about what do we do and what is the problem? What are we doing this wrong and what we need to do to fix it? Number one, she needs to soften. She needs to accept him as the leader.
00:47:47:17 – 00:49:05:01
Brad Singletary
She’s not pushing an agenda. She’s not telling him what to do. She’s not coming at him with the list, how she motivates him, what’s natural, what he can receive in a softer way. You know, when this woman is presented as emotion he’s wired to respond to feminine softness. He didn’t choose her for her brain. He chose her for her softness. And she didn’t choose him for his softness. She chose him for what she may be perceived as some strength. So we’re going to not frustrate each other not piss each other off and realize that some people need things. And some people were going to stir up problems if we don’t handle the person properly. And so men handle their woman properly by loving devoted leadership, by their by their devotion and their devotion means that they’re 100% committed.
00:49:05:01 – 00:50:03:17
Brad Singletary
They know this person so well. I heard a girl today she’s been married several years and her husband keeps trying to do all these things as gifts and as special occasions and so forth. And she just cries on the inside because he has not been listening to her. He has no idea that she doesn’t like that shit. So she’s just feels hurt. The the trip was nice but he has no idea what I really want. And so she, she doesn’t really trust that she knows he’s not listening. She knows he doesn’t really seem devoted. So that numbers two out of ten, well he complains about having not having enough sex. She’s not very open to him because it doesn’t really feel safe. ‘This person doesn’t really care about me very much. And I’m not drawn to that.’ He’s in an emasculated state.
00:50:03:17 – 00:51:22:18
Brad Singletary
He’s all in his feelings. He’s complaining, he’s whining. He doesn’t see himself as the leader. He gets flustered. He gets all in the words of Taco Mike “Tipped over”, he gets all tipped over by her feelings. He tries to argue with her feelings and refute what she’s saying instead of sitting there with it and really taking her deeper into her feelings. And he hears the complaints coming and he hears, you know, all the stuff that she’s just kind of firing away, maybe. And he says, ‘Babe, I hear what you’re saying, but I want to understand you. I want to understand what you’re feeling here. Tell me what emotion is this causing you or what emotion is stirring you to think this way? What’s happening for you?’ And if you can just sit there with it, if we can just let the process work very comfortably and safely and calmly, and she can get to that feeling and she can name it, she can say, this is what this is what’s going on with me.
00:51:22:18 – 00:52:23:20
Brad Singletary
That’s how you motivate a man. Don’t give him orders. Don’t give him complaints of problems. Don’t give him a set of chores to do. Don’t harass him. Don’t hound him. Don’t push him. Tell him how you feel in a soft way. Tell him. Express your emotion vulnerably ask for help. I’m really confused about what I found in your car. Can you help me with this? Really scared. This is how she might talk to him. I’m really confused. She doesn’t come accusing him of the receipt that she found. She didn’t say who the. Who is this? You know, what is this thing? What are you doing? What do you mean? Let me see your phone. That is totally jacked up. That is going to, that’s failure 100%.
00:52:23:20 – 00:53:34:10
Brad Singletary
So she doesn’t jump the gun. She is a grown ass woman. She doesn’t jump the gun. And she asks first because she’s not leading the meeting. She’s not running this little staff meeting. She’s saying, ‘Can I share some of my feelings?’ He says, ‘Yeah, sure. Go ahead.’ You know, if that’s a right, if that’s a good time, if it’s not a good time, then the leader sets another time. He says ‘Not right now is not good. We’re putting the kids to bed, whatever. Let’s do this later on.’ And then he follows up and he comes back to it when it’s a good time. So she says, I have some feelings. Can I share them? He says, Yes. And maybe she starts talking about the details of the stories and he says, No, no, that matters. Okay, but at first I just want to understand what you’re feeling. And it really is a shortcut. It’s a shortcut to the problem solving. If there’s a conflict or there’s a disagreement.
00:53:34:10 – 00:54:18:2
Brad Singletary
Or there’s something that she wants she should feel so safe in talking about that. But guess who’s not being vulnerable these days with their emotions? Guess who? Women. Women. They feel the emotion. They just don’t express it. Express is. Ex means out in press means to push. Express it. They’re pushing out feelings. They’re not expressing their emotion. They’re ranting and raving or they’re closed up, bottled up, not talking at all. And see, that’s when they’re in their masculine because they’re, they’re in self-protection mode.
00:54:18:21 – 00:55:05:29
Brad Singletary
I just think this is some of the most brilliant stuff ever. You know, you can listen to these guys, read their books, get to understand their concepts for exactly how they teach it. And some of it may not fit for you. You know, some of it may sound extreme or whatever. But I believe that a properly polarized relationship, when I’ve seen that happen, when I’ve watched these things, I’ve just, I’ve seen miracles happen in the last month by working with people on this stuff and the guy stops being a little bitch, he stops whining and he starts making decisions. And he starts making plans that are just killer plans. He’s he’s in his best state.
00:55:05:29 – 00:55:52:01
Brad Singletary
He’s in his Alpha thinking, his Alpha brain. He is performing with love in his heart. He’s a service oriented, devoted leader. This is not somebody who’s being being the boss and being oppressive. This is, that this is not that at all. It’s the opposite of that. But I just watch that Elvis movie. She looks to him like Priscilla Presley, looks at Elvis, looked at Elvis and well, how they portrayed it in the movie. She was such a fan. She was so impressed by him. She made him feel good and he felt like a stud when she was around. She was at all the shows and whatever.
00:55:52:01 – 00:56:59:02
Brad Singletary
Anyway, I don’t know what their story is, but so the feminine is soft and supportive and radiant. In her supportive, like loving receiving him, she receives him fully. She lets him lead her. She’s not resisting his leadership. If she doesn’t like something, she’s free to talk about that. But the most effective way of using her voice is by sharing it in emotional terms. And I’m saying that it’s a natural way for men to be motivated is by, you know, hearing the softness, you know. They’re seeing these, you know, emotional titties. And so they respond to that. They like it. They’re comfortable with that, they want that and they make her like that, too, because they make it real safe. So she’s exposed herself and he gets to work. That’s what pushes the mojo through his veins to go take care of business.
00:56:59:02 – 00:57:57:03
Brad Singletary
And then when he does it right, she she shows her joy. She shows her pleasure. She’s radiating with the love that he just put into her heart because he’s devoted to her heart. I think there’s something to this stuff. I appreciate you guys listening this far I am going to continue devour this and experiment with people. I think the only problem with it is learning how to kind of state this stuff to to two couples in the world that we live in where I mean, some people just ridicule this completely. But I think if men and women are honest,they will say women will say, I just wish she could take care of things.
00:57:57:03 – 00:58:45:03
Brad Singletary
I wish that he I knew that he had us that he that it was all going to be okay because of him and she’s saying it’s all okay because of me. We talk about the woman being the glue holding it together. Man, that’s that is the wrong place for her. She doesn’t want to do that. She does want to provide and protect. Women will say he that he doesn’t protect me, he doesn’t defend me. We can even be out in public and someone would be rude or disrespectful to me. And he doesn’t even say anything. He doesn’t protect me when the, you know, the in-law, the weird uncle or whatever. When he does that, we know he doesn’t he does not show his devotion.
00:58:45:03 – 00:59:39:14
Brad Singletary
I believe if women are honest, they feel safe when they’re led by a strong and capable and loving man. If that’s the kind of relationship they’re in, when she’s having to make the decisions and call the shots and earn all of the money. She doesn’t feel very safe. She doesn’t feel very secure. So she’s not open and he’s frustrated. Now he’s blaming her because they never have sex and in this stuff, just all works together. So if you’re a woman and you are in a inverted relationship, if you’re upside down, you’re not respecting him, you’re not appreciating him. You’re not believing 100% that it’s a privilege to to be with your man. Then maybe he’s not showing the kind of devotion that he should.
00:59:39:14 – 01:01:03:26
Brad Singletary
Maybe he’s got to change some things. Maybe he needs to provide better. Maybe he needs to be more protective. Maybe he’s got to serve and lead with love. But if he is doing those things in your failing to recognize that and you’re not receiving him you don’t believe that he has your best interests at heart. You’ve secretly got this list of complaints that you’re always kind of focused on, and you don’t receive him physically, sexually, intellectually, spiritually, then he’s not going to be very interested in who he is going to be interested in is the girl who takes an interest in what he’s doing. And the girl who is supportive and soft in her words, and the things that she says. Not the bitchy woman at home who never gives it up. But I get it. If you’re a woman who’s in that masculinized role, it’s probably not your fault. You probably did not choose to be such a tough ass person like that some of it came from hard knocks, some of it came from trauma.
01:01:03:26 – 01:01:55:26
Brad Singletary
Some of it came because of, yes, men have been oppressive and abusive and things have been kind of crazy and in the history of human beings. Yes. But I’m telling you right now that if you were a woman in a heterosexual relationship with an emasculated man and you’re trying to lead or you’re not tuned in or expressive with your feelings, you’re going to be unhappy until you can learn to turn that around. Or you’re going to have weak men who don’t show up for you. They don’t penetrate you. It’s amazing to me, you know, who’s complaining about sex these days. A lot of times women there. It just seems like, you know, women are complaining that the man he’d rather play his video game.
01:01:55:26 – 01:02:43:02
Brad Singletary
She’s trying to she’s in a teddy with the candles lit and rose petals on the bed and she got some new massage oil and he’d rather be playing a video game. That’s the kind of that’s the kind of men that I see all day long. They keep they. They’re not even interested and they get maybe they get some of their need for feminine out of like porn. Maybe they’re looking at porn because there’s no nothing feminine in you and again, you’re. Why are you that way? Because that’s how it happens. That’s how it happens. Almost everyone, if you’re in a relationship long enough and you’re not intentional about where you’re at.
01:02:43:02 – 01:03:38:09
Brad Singletary
If you’re not intentional about what role everyone plays. Think about jobs you’ve been in when the roles weren’t very well defined. And people, you know what, we’re stepping on each other’s toes are. There was duplication or there was inefficiency, ineffectiveness. When there’s a strong capable leader who’s leaving with loving, devoted leadership, it is much more likely that you’re going to have a soft and submissive, supportive, radius and feminine energy around you. And if you’re the soft, radiant, feminine energy who’s receiving your man fully, you can expect good from him. You should expect good things from him. That’s the only way that you can feel those radiant things.
01:03:38:09 – 01:04:49:15
Brad Singletary
That’s the only way that you can even be in that place, is because he’s inspiring it. If he’s not inspiring that and you’ve got all the radiance in the world, you know. So I suppose you could be in the wrong relationship. So I’m going to wrap this up here, you guys. I think this work is there is something very significant about it. I don’t claim to you know, I don’t I haven’t researched it a ton. I can just tell you that in my lived experience with couples. They come in here at the very end when they’re upside down, when they if there’s been an affair. It’s because the man was getting his ass kicked at home and the girl at work thought he was a stud. Or it’s the woman who’s taking care of all the business at home, and she’s in this masculine workhorse role. She gets around a masculine man at her job who makes her feel beautiful. He makes her feel like she can radiate. She she can be radiant. And so she does.
01:04:49:15 – 01:06:02:04
Brad Singletary
She opens like a flower and just let the be. Come. Come, come by. So if your relationship is failing, consider what I’m saying here. Consider if the woman is masculinized out of self-protection. Out of necessity throughout her life, out of how the man has treated her. For whatever reason she’s talking like a drill sergeant. Her man is not devoted to that. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want it. He’s probably looking elsewhere at the moment, and there’s an abundance of feminine energy out there. And when he’s ready to receive that, he is going to show devotion to that feminine energy. And if she needs masculine energy. And she doesn’t have that at home.
01:06:02:04 – 01:07:08:04
Brad Singletary
Someone’s going to come along and provide that. And the buzz that she feels from being placed back in her feminine, natural, feminine state, it’s going to feel so good. That’s what the attraction is. That’s what the addiction is. That’s the chemistry that keeps all that going. Think about that. If you’ve had an affair, someone in your relationship had an affair. It was depolarize. The whole relationship was depolarize and then they found some polarity in the affair partnership. Tell me a date. Tell me that’s not true. Send me your thoughts. I really need you to help me think this stuff out. Maybe you look into these guys information. I think one of my favorite things was Zak Roedde’s TikTok, because all the videos are like one one minute long.
01:07:08:04 – 01:07:38:07
Brad Singletary
So check this stuff out. I think it’s going to be valuable if you have an open heart, really evaluate your own relationship. I’m going to try to do some really good show notes on this so that we can maybe kind of produce maybe some even some written materials for you, like a PDF, you know, kind of a downloadable thing or, or maybe an assessment or something that you can answer some questions. Just kind of see where you might be on that gentleman until next time. No excuses. Alpha up.
01:07:39:08 – 01:07:50:16
Outro
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.
