097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance

097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance

097: PRIMAL POLARITY – Masculine Devotion and Feminine Radiance

In one of the most interesting and widely relevant topics to date, Founder Brad Singletary discusses the problem with most failing relationships: he isn’t being a loving and devoted leader, and she isn’t being open about how she is actually feeling.  These problems kill relationships and Brad shares some of the work by Zak Roedde and Mark Binet who outline what men and women can do to be more effective in their relationships.  

While he doesn’t endorse every aspect of this philosophy, Brad observes that this exact pattern is what has plagued every couple he can remember in a career of over two decades working with people’s relationships.  He shares some of the basics about how to get a romantic relationship fully polarized by using the nature of both feminine and masculine energies to complement each other’s inherent gifts. 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:16 – 00:01:01:19
Brad Singletary
I’m about to tell you what’s wrong in your relationship. It’s upside down in the polarity of masculine and feminine natures. We need this polarity for chemistry and passion. When it’s missing or when it’s inverted, it can become dull and boring and this is when affairs can happen. Women accidentally emasculate and disrespect the man because she is in a masculine frame of mind out of necessity. She’s been wounded and traumatized in life. She’s just protecting herself. Unfortunately, she needs to do that often because of abusive men in the past maybe you. You are not expressing loving and devoted leadership. And maybe you’ve become a doormat and are afraid of her. So she is leading and that frustrates you. You aren’t open to her feelings. But often she’s not even actually sharing any. Stay tuned as I review polarity.

00:01:04:29 – 00:01:26:06
Intro
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

00:01:30:10 – 00:02:20:09
Brad Singletary
Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here, you guys. This is going to be the best thing that I’ve ever talked about on this show. I can’t even tell you how excited I am. I know it’s been a few weeks since we posted a show. It’s sometimes a little bit difficult to get people lined up when our schedules match up and so forth. So if you have potential guests you’d like to have us feature on the Alpha Quorum Show. Send us a link. Send us a, you know, notification about who that might be. Today, I want to talk about something that has been a mind blowing like revelation. This information that I’ve been reading has been just a game changer for me. So I’ve been in behavioral health for 24 years, working with individuals and families in all different kinds of settings.

00:02:20:27 – 00:03:15:11
Brad Singletary
And I’ve done a lot of work recently, meaning the last several years, the last, you know, ten years or so of my life with couples. I’ve done, there’s lots of different models, lots of different types of therapy that you can do with couples. And some of that stuff has been really difficult with, some of the concepts are great. They don’t seem to kind of work in every situation. Some of them are overly simplistic. Some of them are overly complicated. This information that I’m going to share today. It’s just. I can’t believe that I’m 47 years old. I have a master’s degree. And I even taught in graduate school. I taught in a graduate program for six years. And I’m just now finding out this information about polarity in relationships.

00:03:15:11 – 00:03:59:20
Brad Singletary
So a few years ago I read David Deida and when I started getting into the manosphere stuff a little bit, some of the men’s literature I should say, and I read David Deida, like The Way of the Superior Man and some of his other stuff and listen to some of his videos and he talks a little bit about polarity, but this brand of polarity talk that I want to share comes from a specific guy I forget who even turned me on to this dude and this author his name is Zak Roedde. And he’s just some young younger guy.

00:03:59:20 – 00:04:35:17
Brad Singletary
I don’t know. He’s probably younger than me. I don’t know his background, and I don’t believe he has professional training like myself. But what he’s talking about is the truth. It is the truth. And this is why I’m so excited to tell you because I’ve never understood the problems with romantic relationships like I have in the last month. So what I’m going to do is just kind of summarize what they teach, Zak Roedde and Mark Binet.

00:04:36:16 – 00:05:37:08
Brad Singletary
Those are the the guys that I’ve learned from the most here. They’ve got YouTube. We’re going to put links in the show notes and stuff here. It’s about the balance between the masculine and feminine energies in relationships. This is Zak Roeddes, he’s the author of three books. I can’t remember the names exactly. One of them is like “Irresistibly Feminine”, a book for women. One is called “Don’t Let Her Lead” And there’s another one. I don’t have that right up in front of me. But it talks about the need for men to be the leader and for the woman to be in the submissive role. Now, let me just warn all of you who may be triggered by just those comments and those words about submissiveness and so forth. You know, I look at almost everything a little bit skeptically. It takes a lot to impress me. It takes a lot.

00:05:37:08 – 00:05:46:00
Brad Singletary
When I see some YouTube or some teaching or someone’s book. I’ve read so many things. It takes a lot to really impressed me. This shit is impressive. And I think you have to look beyond what you think they’re saying. Okay. This isn’t. I don’t know, this Andrew Tate, you know, he’s a guy out there who’s been ridiculed. And kind of, they’ve canceled him now. I guess he, you know, had something surface or whatever, but it’s not quite that brand of how women should be property and that kind of stuff. But he talks about some of the natural instincts with with men and women. And so I listen to him. I listen to him, and I applied it to myself.

00:06:23:25 – 00:07:02:21
Brad Singletary
First of all, I’m in my second marriage. I’ve been basically in a marriage or in a relationship with someone that I was married to since 1998. I’ve worked in behavioral health for 24 years. I’ve worked with tons of couples in you know, marriage and family type situations. And so I’ve seen this and as I’ve learned this information about polarity, I go back through all the cases that I’ve ever worked with and just look to see if this model applies or if this dynamic applies to these people. And it does in every single one, when things weren’t good in my marriages. This is what’s happening.

00:07:02:21 – 00:07:49:26
Brad Singletary
So I’m about to tell you what’s wrong with your relationship and I’m going to tell you how to fix it. This could be difficult to fully take in because it’s very different than what we’ve been taught, the influences on what men and women should expect from each other. It’s all kind of screwed up, though. The messaging is a little bit distorted. So what I want to do today is talk about polarity through the lens of the work of Zak Roedde and Mark Binet. Now, I don’t know all of their teaching. I did a masterclass, read some of the books.

00:07:48:24 – 00:08:16:23
Brad Singletary
I’ve joined the Facebook Group. And I’m just learning from like their TikTok accounts. Just learning about some of these concepts. So it’s new to me. So I’m kind of doing this to synthesize the information, all this buildup, because it’s going to be powerful when we get there. But I wanted to actually message Zak and ask him to be on the show. And he said,you know, maybe when the audience is a little bit bigger. That’s why we need you, bro.

00:08:16:23 – 00:09:15:01
Brad Singletary
So I need you to be a part of this so we can grow the audience anyway. And he offered to have one of his kind of trainees or, you know, his protege or whatever do that, do join the podcast but instead of taking the time that it would, that we would probably need to arrange something like that, I have to get this information out there. I want to record this because I think this is going to help people. And this is going to help people. See what happens when a relationship is broken and how you fix it. So the first point here is that problems in relationships come when the partners, the husband and wife, you know, when the male and the female. And yes, I’m talking about heterosexual relationships here. But when the masculine and feminine polarity is inverted, there are Problems.

00:09:15:01 – 00:09:57:11
Brad Singletary
She’s in the masculine. And that means that she’s trying to lead and she’s trying to protect and she’s trying to Direct and do all of those things that she needs to do to feel safe. And that’s not a that’s not problematic. That’s her adapting to the life that she’s lived. She’s probably a person who has been, you know, harmed and injured in relationships, may have dealt with trauma. All of that stuff is very valid as a as a precursor or a predictor of what happens when the female is living in masculine, when she’s masculinized. So she’s kind of tough, maybe too tough. Maybe she’s guarding her feelings.

00:09:57:11 – 00:10:40:08
Brad Singletary
Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about her. She can’t acknowledge and talk about her feelings. And she’s unhappy. I believe that a woman who is living in masculine energy in her relationship, if she’s in a relationship with a man, it’s not very happy. Because that means he is an emasculated man. Because a polarity exists. We have this polar. So we kind of create the level of like feminine or masculine presentation in the other and the other person. We were part of it. We were part of that dynamic.

00:10:40:08 – 00:11:33:01
Brad Singletary
So if the female is masculinized because of the threatening things that she’s been through in her life, because of her childhood upbringing. There’s abuse. There’s, you know, whatever kind of things back. Or in romantic relationships, she’s been hurt or somehow has been made to feel unsafe. She’s been betrayed. Totally makes sense. Why she would be a mrs.
‘Little Miss Tough Girl’ in the masculine frame. Well, if she’s in the masculine frame guess where he is? He’s in the feminine frame. And what does that look like? He’s all about his feelings. And this is kind of the negative side of the feminine, which would be about, you know, emotional states and it would be maybe his caretaking. And so he’s doing a lot of caretaking. He’s the nice guy.

00:11:33:01 – 00:12:22:06
Brad Singletary
He’s a little bit. He’s in a submissive role. But that goes against his nature. Goes against his nature. And so he is not happy. You don’t agree with what I’m saying? You write me an email, send me a similar message. This is what I believe to be the truth. And what I have experienced in life. And as I’ve worked with people in a professional way for I think the number now is about 60,000 hours in my field. So she’s in the masculine, he’s in the feminine. They’re a little bit upside down. I’ll give you an example of one of my cases that I worked with so this guy is maybe 50 years old-ish. He’s an alcoholic. And recovery’s got several years of sobriety.

00:12:22:06 – 00:13:19:28
Brad Singletary
And because of all the nonsense he did as an alcoholic he feels like he doesn’t have the moral authority to, you know, exact any justice at home. He says, you know, his wife is kind of pushy, she’s manipulative. She’s extremely masculine in how she debates him and challenges him. And she’s like a drill sergeant. They also never really have sex. She doesn’t really respect him and he is afraid of her. So that’s an example of kind of an inverted polarity in the relationship. So why is this so important? I think it’s because the natural needs and the natural irritants in the feminine and masculine makeup can kind of be we can kind of understand those. And part of that, what the authors here talk about is that you can do that based on how you feel.

00:13:19:28 – 00:14:09:05
Brad Singletary
So let’s just say, what happens when a man’s wife is telling him what to do. Let me just ask you. In most cases, the wife is barking out orders to the husband and what is happening to him. You guessed it, he’s a little frustrated. He’s irritated this this is rubbing him the wrong way. And we look at that and we say ‘Oh, well, that’s his ego. That is his that’s problematic.’ This is somehow a weakness. He needs to learn to be more patient or whatever, you know, well, maybe this is the wrong person is taking the role of leadership. And it’s frustrating to him. It goes against his nature. Why does it go against his nature? Because throughout all of human history, the man was the protector and the provider.

00:14:09:05 – 00:15:03:27
Brad Singletary
So he needed to to be in the lead of his little unit, and he needed to lead that in order for survival to happen. Well, we don’t have those same survival needs today. Of course, but why do some of this stuff get us so frustrated? So men can’t handle directions they don’t like to be led. They may be a good follower. They may be a humble follower, but they’re not interested in being told what to do. They’re not interested in judgments. They’re not interested in being led by their woman. And when they are, they don’t feel good. They can handle it. They can do it. The old saying the old men say at weddings, you know, they go around. And what is your advice for the new couple? And the old men always say, you know, just learn to say, yes, dear and go along with whatever she wants. That’s fucking horseshit.

00:15:03:27 – 00:16:02:25
Brad Singletary
That’s a cute little thing for Old Men to say at weddings. But it’s horseshit because if you start doing everything that she’s telling you to do, and every time any of her emotion gets to become something that you’re afraid of, you’re losing. You don’t feel well. She doesn’t trust you and she doesn’t respect you because she is wired to follow your leadership. She’s wired to be receptive and be open to be submissive. A different author, someone else kind of talked about the male and female sexual anatomy. So if you think about like the male sex organ, it stands up point forward. It’s penetrating and firm and rigid and so forth.

00:16:02:25 – 00:16:49:25
Brad Singletary
The feminine sexual organ, if it’s soft, it’s open, it is receptive. And so these authors talk about the reason things get problematic in relationships is because he is soft. And she.is hard. She’s in the masculine role and he is in the feminine. And it’s frustrating to both of them and they don’t know why. And nobody can really articulate this. I’m telling you, I read from the best authors on relationships ever that ever have written in our time. And none of it really seemed to touch on what’s going on in our nature when we’re having these problems.

00:16:49:25 – 00:17:39:29
Brad Singletary
So her greatest needs, the female’s greatest need is to feel cherished. Her greatest need is to feel cheered. His greatest need is to feel respected, to be appreciated, to feel respected. And when she is in her masculine energy, when there’s when they’re deep polarized, the woman is leading, she’s directing, she’s seeking an outcome. She’s asking for her needs to be met. And that sounds fine that she can ask for her needs to be met. But guess what happens to every man when he’s asked to do something? He may do it, but he’s frustrated by it. It irritates him. Think of think about this, dudes.

00:17:39:29 – 00:18:39:07
Brad Singletary
If you have a woman who’s ever asked you to buy flowers or complain that you never buy me flowers, what does that do to the motivation to buy flowers? Exactly. So she’s giving gifts to you, you know, and when she’s in her masculine. So remember, the masculine is the is the one that is giving and the feminine is the one that’s receiving. So she’s giving gifts. He doesn’t want or need gifts. He doesn’t want or need gifts he wants to be respected as the leader she is. When she’s in her masculine nature, she’s anticipating needs. Well, that sounds very loving. That sounds very nice that she’s made his favorite meal. But that means she’s mothering him. She’s mothering him, not she’s smothering him, but maybe both. She’s mothering him.

00:18:39:07 – 00:19:25:15
Brad Singletary
And that’s what’s different about this whole philosophy. Some people have said, Oh, we’re trying to go back to a 1950s ethic where, you know, the wife is somehow in some like subservient role or whatever. You know, because even in the fifties that archetype bore wife that even that wasn’t very feminine because she’s always anticipating his needs. She’s walking around like a servant, bringing him his his things. And that’s not very feminine because she’s leading it. She’s leading and controlling the situation. So she’s kind of mothering him. She’s giving reminders. Here some pointers and why is that a big deal?

00:19:25:15 – 00:20:19:08
Brad Singletary
So some guys I know are going to hear this and they’re going to defend that and say ‘Well, I like it when she gives her input and I like it when she helps me set my doctor’s appointments and whatever.’ So why is that a big deal? It’s a big deal because she can that whole thing, let’s say she’s making appointments, reminding you were giving you pointers on things. She’s mothering you. It communicates that she can’t trust you and she can’t trust you. She doesn’t respect you. And if she doesn’t respect you, she’s not as receptive to you. And if she can’t and if she can’t respect you. She’s not receptive to you. So she’s leading and she’s pushing you around and she’s making her complaints.

00:20:19:08 – 00:21:10:27
Brad Singletary
She’s criticizing you and she’s throwing information at you, which just brings distortion into your head. And she’s not very open to you. So you got this bossy roommate who doesn’t want to touch. And she’s unhappy with you all the time. And you hate being around because she makes you feel so bad about yourself. But she’s not even all that into you because you’re not leading. I’ve been this person, by the way. I’ve been that guy. So those are some active forms of the feminine. Those are some active forms of the female being in a masculine, those kind of role. Some passive ones might be that she’s guarded, she’s self-protecting.

00:21:10:27 – 00:22:13:09
Brad Singletary
She’s not talking about her feelings. She’s guarding those feelings. And one of the things that I’m teaching men to try to do is lead their woman to her feelings. Don’t just be accepting of her feelings, but recognize when she’s not even sharing her feelings because what she needs is to what she needs is to feel of her man’s devotion. And she is most often feeling that devotion when she can feel safe in her feelings. But if she’s in a masculine state guarding, protecting, she’s the one seeking outcome. She’s directing and leading, and she’s the one who wears the pants. No one’s happy. No one’s happy with that.

00:22:13:09 – 00:22:57:26
Brad Singletary
If you have a female led relationship and flower and she’s the boss and you’re so happy and she loves you and wants to have sex with you very often and you’re able to perform that and everybody’s happy. And you’re the woman in the relationship and she’s the man. If you’re happy with that, holler, we’ll get you on the show. Here could you send me a message or we’d like to interview you. A man who’s emasculated is submissive. He does what he’s told. He does things he doesn’t really want to do because he’s afraid to, you know, make waves. Maybe he’s a little bit codependent and he’s in his feelings and he’s weak and he’s not performing. He’s not providing.

00:22:57:26 – 00:23:52:11
Brad Singletary
Maybe an emasculated man is under employed maybe. Or he’s, you know, not providing the things that his unit may need. So what the men should do, the goal of the masculine is to express loving devotion. And a man does that by leading with love and sensitivity. Actually nothing about this nothing about this teaching is, although we talk about, you know, the man should be dominant, the man should be dominant by expressing a warm, loving devotion and that he’s so reliable. And that is so safe. All of the feelings are safe.

00:23:52:11 – 00:24:43:23
Brad Singletary
He’s not running from feelings. He’s actually bringing some order to the sometimes seemingly chaotic expression of emotions, because many times what women are expressing is not emotion at all. Which is very difficult. Even here in my office, as I’m working with them and coaching them through this. They kind of get stuck and said ‘Well, what is your emotion about that?’ And she will often say ‘Well, I just think this is all unfair.’ You see, that’s not that’s a judgment. That’s not even an emotion. You know, if she feels some betrayal, if she feels that she is you know. She feels sad. If she feels fear or anger, those are the things that a man can do to help her to feel safe.

00:24:43:23 – 00:25:31:07
Brad Singletary
So men should express loving devotion. They should lead. They should anticipate her needs. Remember, the man is in the in the role of the giver. So he is the one who meets needs. He’s anticipating her needs. She is not anticipating his need. The man is in the giving role. He, the one of the words they one of the words they use is that he energetically penetrates her. Think about that energetically penetrates her these terms penetrates her like vigorously. As in sexual but also energetically meaning with his energy. He’s he’s driving the car.

00:25:31:07 – 00:26:25:05
Brad Singletary
So he provides he’s the one who sets the expectation. He turns himself into a self-Improvement machine. He’s got to really become a person who’s worthy of respect. This isn’t about the man is the boss, and the woman shuts her mouth. That is not what this is about. This is about we decide who the leader is, what these guys suggest, and what I believe, I think with with only a couple of months of exposure to this. But I believe that the male should lead in a relationship and that doesn’t mean that he’s a dictator. Remember, this is. This is an honor reserved only for the most devoted, kind of loving leader.

00:26:25:05 – 00:27:26:04
Brad Singletary
So this man is true to his word. He turns himself into a self improvement machine and he’s in the giving role. He’s leading. He’s making it very safe. So what is the woman’s role? So the word that they use I love this. Listen to this. The word that they use for kind of the best expression of love from the woman is that she expresses radiance, that she’s in a radiant state. And I thought I knew what a man, but I looked it up. What does radiant mean? It means. It’s emanating light. It’s shining light, it’s warm. And there’s some brilliance and beauty to it. So what does it mean for a woman to be in her radiant? It means that she’s number one in touch with her feelings. She’s able to express her feelings.

00:27:26:04 – 00:28:19:10
Brad Singletary
And when I say express her feelings, I don’t mean run rave about the story that happened last weekend that never got resolved. And she’s running through this list of complaints and she’s bitching at you. That’s not expressing feelings. Expressing feelings is knowing what they are first and then having the ability to articulate those feelings. Our emotional vocabulary is pretty limited. I mean, I have advanced training in this and I’ve even taught in the Graduate programs. And still and I talk about this all day long, every day. And still my own use of descriptors. Of emotion, you know, that’s it’s limited. And so it may take some time to kind of learn the difference between anger and frustration, to learn the difference and to understand what it is you feel and to be able to name it.

00:28:19:10 – 00:29:19:10
Brad Singletary
That’s part of your radiance that you’re in touch with, your feelings. You can express them. And it also kind of represents your just overall feminine like the feminine receptive energy you fully receive from your man. You submit to his leadership. Now, let me just talk about the word submission. This is not subservience. This submission only is valid, it’s only appropriate when there is devotion. And so when he’s not expressing devotion to her and she feels that there’s this trust and this love and this very reliable, stable energy, if he’s not expressing devotion, she’s not expressing radiance, she’s not a lot of fun. She’s not talking about her feelings. She’s talking about facts and figures and the complaints and the list that you didn’t do.

00:29:19:10 – 00:30:10:16
Brad Singletary
And she’s sending an email to your therapist and all those kind of things which upsets you. It’s demotivating. So the woman in her radiance, she’s willing to follow, submit to his leadership. And one of the points that they make over and over is that if a woman can’t be submissive, a masculine man is not going to want you because of polarity. If he’s if he’s masculine, if he’s got some mojo. If he has a healthy nontoxic, strong sense of masculinity, he isn’t going to want anything to do with you if you can’t be submissive and radiant dude. So, okay.

00:30:10:16 – 00:30:38:08
Brad Singletary
So on the surface. This looks all misogynistic. Okay? This is we’re saying the men should, the men are in charge. She just said, you know, kind of to sit pretty and sit there like the flower and let the B come to visit. Not exactly, but remember, we’re kind of talking about the reason that this stuff seems to work. And by the way, I have seen this applied in every everyone who’s tried to do these things.

00:30:38:08 – 00:31:29:11
Brad Singletary
This kind of creates an almost like erotic almost sort of spiritual feeling, because even though a woman doesn’t have to submit to her man, she can be independent. She doesn’t have to submit like that. But if she does, she’s going to feel a lot better. It’s going to feel very safe. It’s going to feel very secure. And if I had one common problem that women have, if you boil it all down, it’s they need to really feel a sense of security. So it’s not just about money and resources. It’s about emotional security. And that security is expressed through his devotion.

00:31:29:11 – 00:32:09:05
Brad Singletary
Which is the one word that describes the man leading with love anticipating her needs. He’s in the giving role. He’s a service oriented man, and he has so much respect that she wouldn’t dare turn him down. She wants to connect with this person who loves her so much because he’s doing his job. And she’s doing her job and they’re feeding each other. These guys kind of say if you’re in a polarized relationship, that’s healthy. There’s not going to be any divorce. There’s not going to be an unfulfilling sexual relationship.

00:32:09:05 – 00:33:18:05
Brad Singletary
Another one of the coaches here, I think his name is Jason McKee, but he talked about submission is and I’ll quote him, “The submission of the radiant woman, her submissiveness is exclusively reserved for devoted leadership. She does not submit to anything that’s bullshit. She doesn’t submit to anything that is abusive. She doesn’t submit to anything that makes her feel threatened or unsafe. And the reason that’s not going to happen is because he’s committed to showing her devotion and showing her love and loyalty. And he’s got calmness and he’s interested in her feelings. He wants to hear it. He’s leading her to that. And so she is happy to be submissive. That’s like a person if you’re in I don’t want to compare this to like a boss, you know, kind of an employee employer relationship. But if there is a leader in you do your best by your leader.

00:33:18:05 – 00:34:19:25
Brad Singletary
Your leader most often is also going to take care of you. And so I love one of the things one of these guys said. And maybe a YouTube video they said, ideally, everyone gets what they want in the relationship. So what do they typically want? You know, the woman wants to feel safe financially. She wants to know that everything’s going to be. Okay. So he’s taking care of business and what makes him take care of business because she is so radiant, she’s expressing beauty in everything. She’s soft. She can open with her feelings. I thought of a funny little visual that, you know, her getting into her feelings is kind of like she’s flashing her tits because she’s showing herself. She’s showing she’s exposing the soft stuff.

00:34:19:25 – 00:35:01:02
Brad Singletary
You know, those feelings that men are so afraid of? She cries. I see this all the time. She cries and the man shakes his head and he’s like, ‘Oh, great, here we go.’ You’re like, ‘This is a manipulation tactic.’ I know that emotion is like the psychological G-spot. You want to get there, you want to get her into her emotion. So if there’s a problem, there’s what would normally be a complaint. If she comes to you with a complaint, you’re going to listen to that and try to. But one of my one of my buddies use this analogy.

00:35:01:02 – 00:36:00:21
Brad Singletary
Derrick Johnson, one of the original founders of the Alpha Quorum. And he talked about, you know, listen to the music. Don’t listen to the lyrics and the lyrics, you know, that’s all the complaints and that’s all of the judgments and all of the expectation and all the bossy stuff that she’s telling you to do. That’s the lyrics. The music is the emotion that’s driving all that. The music is What is she feeling? So skip the words. We’re going we’re going instrumental here. And you want to just listen to the feeling and ask her to tell you what feeling is? What is the emotion behind this? Babe, what is it? What is this? What? Where is this coming from? How would you name the where is it in your body? Because I love you and I just want to sit with you. I want to understand this for a minute here with you.

00:36:00:21 – 00:36:04:06
Brad Singletary
And, you know, I don’t know how this works. If you’re just trying to decide on if this is pizza or pasta, I don’t know how you do that if if you have to use this model. But basically everyone understands that he’s the leader. And she is the supportive, soft, radiant one who equally shows her devotion in her own way. With her radiance, she expresses her emotion vulnerably. She receives him fully. She lives in her true self-worth. She knows her value. She knows her value. She does things that bring her peace. She doesn’t try to give him gifts. She lights up when he gives her gifts. She’s like purring with pleasure when he touches her.

00:37:01:10 – 00:38:00:10
Brad Singletary
And when she needs something, she asks for help. She doesn’t say, Open this pickle jar. Maybe, she says, ‘Can I have help opening this pickle jar? I’m unable to open this pickle jar’ if she’s seeking an outcome, if she’s got an agenda and she’s assigning him a list of things to do is going to frustrate it and so the point of this is not to make this easier for men. This is to make it easier for everybody. This what I’m talking about is going to work for all of you. The magic of this is that she is so receptive to him that he’s never unsatisfied, and that allows him to be so devoted to making her feel safe that he would never do anything, that she wouldn’t choose. Her submission ss her choice because of her respect for him.

00:38:00:10 – 00:38:37:01
Brad Singletary
I heard a lady are, two women recently and one was the lady’s husband plays several hours of video games at night. And I kind of said I probably jumped to a judgment on that, but I just kind of said, ‘wow, that’s a lot, you know, does that make you upset?’ And she says, ‘oh my gosh, no way. He works so hard for our family. Like he’s so devoted to our family that when that’s what he wants to do, I just know that’s what he needs. He does that and it is not at all because of it. Because of my respect for him. That’s not bothersome at all.’

00:38:37:01 – 00:39:32:27
Brad Singletary
Another lady was talking about her husband and she said, ‘You know, he is the man. My husband is the man.’ She was talking about his accomplishments, but she was really kind of saying. He takes care of us and because he takes care of us. And we were working on some other some parenting stuff with adult children that they had. But but their relationship, it was so good that she was able to just, you know, accept and respect him as the leader because he always took care of her. So I think this stuff is valuable because we’re taking a look at what doesn’t work. You’re taking a look at what works and what doesn’t work. And when I look at like when I have started, so let’s say that a couple they’ve been married, you know.

00:39:32:27 – 00:40:22:29
Brad Singletary
Let’s say 12 years or so and you’ve got like an inverted polarity. So she’s too often in her masculine. She tries to lead. Tell things how it’s going to go. This is what we’re doing. Oh, we’re buying. Look, we’re not using that toothbrush anymore. I threw your toothbrush away. And I bought you a new toothbrush that emasculated man, because you’ve taken away his ability to lead his own, to lead his own life. And that stuff is frustrating. If he doesn’t want you to throw his toothbrush and buy him a new toothbrush, unless he does, and then he asks you for it, and you gladly do that because he your tank is so full, he’s been so loving to you, and his devotion is unquestionable.

00:40:22:29 – 00:42:00:13
Brad Singletary
So you have this inverted polarity in a relationship. There have been together for 12 years. There. You know, she’s too often in the pushy, critical role she’s going drill sergeant and he’s just trying to get along, you know, “happy wife, happy life.” He’s just trying to be the nice guy and his life sucks. And he doesn’t feel much like a man because she’s the one with the, she’s that she’s got a big dick herself. She thinks she does. And so she respects him less and less. And she gets tougher and tougher on him, which makes him retreat further. Until someone comes along. Another woman who is high in her feminine energy, she comes this feminine woman, this new feminine woman comes and she receives him. She listens to him. She thinks that he’s great. She’s a big fan and it makes him feel so masculine. So I believe that one of the reasons that affairs happened and when I, when I look at any one where there ever was an affair that I’ve worked with professionally, I look at this and I say, they were inverted in the affair, partner switched it back.

00:42:00:13 – 00:43:03:22
Brad Singletary
You know, their affair partner put them back in their proper polarity. So the female who’s taking care of all the business she’s handling all the stuff, handling all the kids, paying all the bills, tracking everything, making everybody’s lunches. And she’s the boss of everything. She’s tired of living in masculine energy, being the one who’s you know, doing all the provision and so forth, all the providing and protecting. And so along comes a very masculine man who puts her into her feminine. And so because of his strength and he’s just the solid nature of what he brings, she is very receptive to that because now this is very attractive because she’s got a girly man at home who’s feminized and what’s the word, the emasculated.

00:43:03:22 – 00:43:43:26
Brad Singletary
And she doesn’t respect him and she definitely doesn’t want to have sex with him. So this man comes along and he helps her feel very feminine. He shows some kind of devotion to her which is what she really craves. I talked to a woman today and I asked her to scale on a scale of 1 to 10, the devotional level of her husband and I started describing what devotion means. She said, ‘The more you describe, the more the numbers go down. It was like a six, but I think it’s a two now.’

00:43:43:26 – 00:44:39:27
Brad Singletary
She doesn’t feel that devotion. So some man who is in a healthy sense of masculinity is going to come along and he’s going to lead this desperate woman into her feminine, into her emotions. And when she can sit comfortably in her emotions and she can be vulnerable. She’ll probably take your clothes off for this dude. And it feels so powerful. It feels so good. Why does it feel good? It’s because the rest of their life, the other relationship their primary relationship, their marriage or whatever is upside down and they feel like shit. Nobody’s happy. But this guy or this girl comes along. And that’s what I think courting is all about, sort of the courting rituals and so forth.

00:44:39:27 – 00:44:40:28
Brad Singletary
It kind of lends to this whole idea that the man should lead. But what we’re being taught and what’s and I don’t even want to get into political debate about this, but obviously this is going to fly in the face of what some of you may believe about gender roles. But I’m telling you, with 45 to 60 days of study that I’ve looked at, looked at this stuff, almost in all of my spare time. And when I’ve looked at the people that I’m working with, this is the language. I believethat I’m changing my entire practice. I want to I want to figure out how to work this into the stuff I’m trying to put together for the Alpha Quorum stuff, specifically for men.

00:45:32:02 – 00:46:36:02
Brad Singletary
But I think this is the problem in your relationship. He’s not leading. He’s scared of her because she’s in her masculine. She’s in she’s in toxic masculinity, the woman is in. She’s taking care of him and she’s anticipating his needs. She’s mothering him. She’s choosing what toothpaste he uses. She’s leading so much and it takes away his opportunity to lead. It takes away his opportunity to decide. It kind of silences him because he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful. For all the stuff that she’s doing. So he backs away, but she’s not very attracted to him because he’s not in his masculinity. He’s emasculated to the point where she’s not all that impressed. So he does not feel received by her. There’s no radiance.

00:46:36:02 – 00:47:47:17
Brad Singletary
She’s lost her little her little glow. She’s lost her softness. She’s lost her sensuality. She’s lost her smelling good. She doesn’t wear the jewelry anymore, doesn’t do her hair unless she’s going to the doctor. You know, the dentist, the man who’s probably in a masculine way. So she responds to that. So that’s what we’re doing in our relationships. We’re responding to each other and we’re creating in the other most of what you. It’s probably coming from you, not in your natural state of polarity. So I really believe that this stuff is super valuable. I want to just try to review this again about what do we do and what is the problem? What are we doing this wrong and what we need to do to fix it? Number one, she needs to soften. She needs to accept him as the leader.

00:47:47:17 – 00:49:05:01
Brad Singletary
She’s not pushing an agenda. She’s not telling him what to do. She’s not coming at him with the list, how she motivates him, what’s natural, what he can receive in a softer way. You know, when this woman is presented as emotion he’s wired to respond to feminine softness. He didn’t choose her for her brain. He chose her for her softness. And she didn’t choose him for his softness. She chose him for what she may be perceived as some strength. So we’re going to not frustrate each other not piss each other off and realize that some people need things. And some people were going to stir up problems if we don’t handle the person properly. And so men handle their woman properly by loving devoted leadership, by their by their devotion and their devotion means that they’re 100% committed.

00:49:05:01 – 00:50:03:17
Brad Singletary
They know this person so well. I heard a girl today she’s been married several years and her husband keeps trying to do all these things as gifts and as special occasions and so forth. And she just cries on the inside because he has not been listening to her. He has no idea that she doesn’t like that shit. So she’s just feels hurt. The the trip was nice but he has no idea what I really want. And so she, she doesn’t really trust that she knows he’s not listening. She knows he doesn’t really seem devoted. So that numbers two out of ten, well he complains about having not having enough sex. She’s not very open to him because it doesn’t really feel safe. ‘This person doesn’t really care about me very much. And I’m not drawn to that.’ He’s in an emasculated state.

00:50:03:17 – 00:51:22:18
Brad Singletary
He’s all in his feelings. He’s complaining, he’s whining. He doesn’t see himself as the leader. He gets flustered. He gets all in the words of Taco Mike “Tipped over”, he gets all tipped over by her feelings. He tries to argue with her feelings and refute what she’s saying instead of sitting there with it and really taking her deeper into her feelings. And he hears the complaints coming and he hears, you know, all the stuff that she’s just kind of firing away, maybe. And he says, ‘Babe, I hear what you’re saying, but I want to understand you. I want to understand what you’re feeling here. Tell me what emotion is this causing you or what emotion is stirring you to think this way? What’s happening for you?’ And if you can just sit there with it, if we can just let the process work very comfortably and safely and calmly, and she can get to that feeling and she can name it, she can say, this is what this is what’s going on with me.

00:51:22:18 – 00:52:23:20
Brad Singletary
That’s how you motivate a man. Don’t give him orders. Don’t give him complaints of problems. Don’t give him a set of chores to do. Don’t harass him. Don’t hound him. Don’t push him. Tell him how you feel in a soft way. Tell him. Express your emotion vulnerably ask for help. I’m really confused about what I found in your car. Can you help me with this? Really scared. This is how she might talk to him. I’m really confused. She doesn’t come accusing him of the receipt that she found. She didn’t say who the. Who is this? You know, what is this thing? What are you doing? What do you mean? Let me see your phone. That is totally jacked up. That is going to, that’s failure 100%.

00:52:23:20 – 00:53:34:10
Brad Singletary
So she doesn’t jump the gun. She is a grown ass woman. She doesn’t jump the gun. And she asks first because she’s not leading the meeting. She’s not running this little staff meeting. She’s saying, ‘Can I share some of my feelings?’ He says, ‘Yeah, sure. Go ahead.’ You know, if that’s a right, if that’s a good time, if it’s not a good time, then the leader sets another time. He says ‘Not right now is not good. We’re putting the kids to bed, whatever. Let’s do this later on.’ And then he follows up and he comes back to it when it’s a good time. So she says, I have some feelings. Can I share them? He says, Yes. And maybe she starts talking about the details of the stories and he says, No, no, that matters. Okay, but at first I just want to understand what you’re feeling. And it really is a shortcut. It’s a shortcut to the problem solving. If there’s a conflict or there’s a disagreement.

00:53:34:10 – 00:54:18:2
Brad Singletary
Or there’s something that she wants she should feel so safe in talking about that. But guess who’s not being vulnerable these days with their emotions? Guess who? Women. Women. They feel the emotion. They just don’t express it. Express is. Ex means out in press means to push. Express it. They’re pushing out feelings. They’re not expressing their emotion. They’re ranting and raving or they’re closed up, bottled up, not talking at all. And see, that’s when they’re in their masculine because they’re, they’re in self-protection mode.

00:54:18:21 – 00:55:05:29
Brad Singletary
I just think this is some of the most brilliant stuff ever. You know, you can listen to these guys, read their books, get to understand their concepts for exactly how they teach it. And some of it may not fit for you. You know, some of it may sound extreme or whatever. But I believe that a properly polarized relationship, when I’ve seen that happen, when I’ve watched these things, I’ve just, I’ve seen miracles happen in the last month by working with people on this stuff and the guy stops being a little bitch, he stops whining and he starts making decisions. And he starts making plans that are just killer plans. He’s he’s in his best state.

00:55:05:29 – 00:55:52:01
Brad Singletary
He’s in his Alpha thinking, his Alpha brain. He is performing with love in his heart. He’s a service oriented, devoted leader. This is not somebody who’s being being the boss and being oppressive. This is, that this is not that at all. It’s the opposite of that. But I just watch that Elvis movie. She looks to him like Priscilla Presley, looks at Elvis, looked at Elvis and well, how they portrayed it in the movie. She was such a fan. She was so impressed by him. She made him feel good and he felt like a stud when she was around. She was at all the shows and whatever.

00:55:52:01 – 00:56:59:02
Brad Singletary
Anyway, I don’t know what their story is, but so the feminine is soft and supportive and radiant. In her supportive, like loving receiving him, she receives him fully. She lets him lead her. She’s not resisting his leadership. If she doesn’t like something, she’s free to talk about that. But the most effective way of using her voice is by sharing it in emotional terms. And I’m saying that it’s a natural way for men to be motivated is by, you know, hearing the softness, you know. They’re seeing these, you know, emotional titties. And so they respond to that. They like it. They’re comfortable with that, they want that and they make her like that, too, because they make it real safe. So she’s exposed herself and he gets to work. That’s what pushes the mojo through his veins to go take care of business.

00:56:59:02 – 00:57:57:03
Brad Singletary
And then when he does it right, she she shows her joy. She shows her pleasure. She’s radiating with the love that he just put into her heart because he’s devoted to her heart. I think there’s something to this stuff. I appreciate you guys listening this far I am going to continue devour this and experiment with people. I think the only problem with it is learning how to kind of state this stuff to to two couples in the world that we live in where I mean, some people just ridicule this completely. But I think if men and women are honest,they will say women will say, I just wish she could take care of things.

00:57:57:03 – 00:58:45:03
Brad Singletary
I wish that he I knew that he had us that he that it was all going to be okay because of him and she’s saying it’s all okay because of me. We talk about the woman being the glue holding it together. Man, that’s that is the wrong place for her. She doesn’t want to do that. She does want to provide and protect. Women will say he that he doesn’t protect me, he doesn’t defend me. We can even be out in public and someone would be rude or disrespectful to me. And he doesn’t even say anything. He doesn’t protect me when the, you know, the in-law, the weird uncle or whatever. When he does that, we know he doesn’t he does not show his devotion.

00:58:45:03 – 00:59:39:14
Brad Singletary
I believe if women are honest, they feel safe when they’re led by a strong and capable and loving man. If that’s the kind of relationship they’re in, when she’s having to make the decisions and call the shots and earn all of the money. She doesn’t feel very safe. She doesn’t feel very secure. So she’s not open and he’s frustrated. Now he’s blaming her because they never have sex and in this stuff, just all works together. So if you’re a woman and you are in a inverted relationship, if you’re upside down, you’re not respecting him, you’re not appreciating him. You’re not believing 100% that it’s a privilege to to be with your man. Then maybe he’s not showing the kind of devotion that he should.

00:59:39:14 – 01:01:03:26
Brad Singletary
Maybe he’s got to change some things. Maybe he needs to provide better. Maybe he needs to be more protective. Maybe he’s got to serve and lead with love. But if he is doing those things in your failing to recognize that and you’re not receiving him you don’t believe that he has your best interests at heart. You’ve secretly got this list of complaints that you’re always kind of focused on, and you don’t receive him physically, sexually, intellectually, spiritually, then he’s not going to be very interested in who he is going to be interested in is the girl who takes an interest in what he’s doing. And the girl who is supportive and soft in her words, and the things that she says. Not the bitchy woman at home who never gives it up. But I get it. If you’re a woman who’s in that masculinized role, it’s probably not your fault. You probably did not choose to be such a tough ass person like that some of it came from hard knocks, some of it came from trauma.

01:01:03:26 – 01:01:55:26
Brad Singletary
Some of it came because of, yes, men have been oppressive and abusive and things have been kind of crazy and in the history of human beings. Yes. But I’m telling you right now that if you were a woman in a heterosexual relationship with an emasculated man and you’re trying to lead or you’re not tuned in or expressive with your feelings, you’re going to be unhappy until you can learn to turn that around. Or you’re going to have weak men who don’t show up for you. They don’t penetrate you. It’s amazing to me, you know, who’s complaining about sex these days. A lot of times women there. It just seems like, you know, women are complaining that the man he’d rather play his video game.

01:01:55:26 – 01:02:43:02
Brad Singletary
She’s trying to she’s in a teddy with the candles lit and rose petals on the bed and she got some new massage oil and he’d rather be playing a video game. That’s the kind of that’s the kind of men that I see all day long. They keep they. They’re not even interested and they get maybe they get some of their need for feminine out of like porn. Maybe they’re looking at porn because there’s no nothing feminine in you and again, you’re. Why are you that way? Because that’s how it happens. That’s how it happens. Almost everyone, if you’re in a relationship long enough and you’re not intentional about where you’re at.

01:02:43:02 – 01:03:38:09
Brad Singletary
If you’re not intentional about what role everyone plays. Think about jobs you’ve been in when the roles weren’t very well defined. And people, you know what, we’re stepping on each other’s toes are. There was duplication or there was inefficiency, ineffectiveness. When there’s a strong capable leader who’s leaving with loving, devoted leadership, it is much more likely that you’re going to have a soft and submissive, supportive, radius and feminine energy around you. And if you’re the soft, radiant, feminine energy who’s receiving your man fully, you can expect good from him. You should expect good things from him. That’s the only way that you can feel those radiant things.

01:03:38:09 – 01:04:49:15
Brad Singletary
That’s the only way that you can even be in that place, is because he’s inspiring it. If he’s not inspiring that and you’ve got all the radiance in the world, you know. So I suppose you could be in the wrong relationship. So I’m going to wrap this up here, you guys. I think this work is there is something very significant about it. I don’t claim to you know, I don’t I haven’t researched it a ton. I can just tell you that in my lived experience with couples. They come in here at the very end when they’re upside down, when they if there’s been an affair. It’s because the man was getting his ass kicked at home and the girl at work thought he was a stud. Or it’s the woman who’s taking care of all the business at home, and she’s in this masculine workhorse role. She gets around a masculine man at her job who makes her feel beautiful. He makes her feel like she can radiate. She she can be radiant. And so she does.

01:04:49:15 – 01:06:02:04
Brad Singletary
She opens like a flower and just let the be. Come. Come, come by. So if your relationship is failing, consider what I’m saying here. Consider if the woman is masculinized out of self-protection. Out of necessity throughout her life, out of how the man has treated her. For whatever reason she’s talking like a drill sergeant. Her man is not devoted to that. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want it. He’s probably looking elsewhere at the moment, and there’s an abundance of feminine energy out there. And when he’s ready to receive that, he is going to show devotion to that feminine energy. And if she needs masculine energy. And she doesn’t have that at home.

01:06:02:04 – 01:07:08:04
Brad Singletary
Someone’s going to come along and provide that. And the buzz that she feels from being placed back in her feminine, natural, feminine state, it’s going to feel so good. That’s what the attraction is. That’s what the addiction is. That’s the chemistry that keeps all that going. Think about that. If you’ve had an affair, someone in your relationship had an affair. It was depolarize. The whole relationship was depolarize and then they found some polarity in the affair partnership. Tell me a date. Tell me that’s not true. Send me your thoughts. I really need you to help me think this stuff out. Maybe you look into these guys information. I think one of my favorite things was Zak Roedde’s TikTok, because all the videos are like one one minute long.

01:07:08:04 – 01:07:38:07
Brad Singletary
So check this stuff out. I think it’s going to be valuable if you have an open heart, really evaluate your own relationship. I’m going to try to do some really good show notes on this so that we can maybe kind of produce maybe some even some written materials for you, like a PDF, you know, kind of a downloadable thing or, or maybe an assessment or something that you can answer some questions. Just kind of see where you might be on that gentleman until next time. No excuses. Alpha up.

01:07:39:08 – 01:07:50:16
Outro
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

Click your podcast platform below or listen to the embedded file on this page.

096: D*ICK PIC – Getting Real & Growing Up (with Colt Johnson)

096: D*ICK PIC – Getting Real & Growing Up (with Colt Johnson)

096: D*ICK PIC – Getting Real & Growing Up (with Colt Johnson)

“I’m a work in progress.” Reality TV Celeb Colt Johnson teaches some profoundly deep and surprisingly inspirational things about what he has learned as he has “examined himself” as part of TLC’s most popular franchise ever: 90 Day Fiance and its various spinoffs.

Colt shares the truth about who he is and some of the circumstances in his earlier life that have been difficult to manage. He has been loved and hated by millions of people around the globe. His life has been both messy *and televised for the past 5 years, and his life has been documented through an engagement and marriage, domestic violence, divorce, shallow rebound, affair, second engagement, second marriage, pregnancy, and miscarriage, all while living with his widowed mother.

But now he is thinking grown-ass-man shit. Where he is now is new and he shares the mature things he is trying to do to make his life meaningful.

Colt dropped out of homeschool in 5th grade. His over-protective mother and mostly-disengaged father did the best they could. In his early 20’s he walked into his dad’s apartment and found him dead. He has lived with his mother ever since. He has been ridiculed for his codependent relationship with his mom. He didn’t learn to drive until he was 28. He eventually graduated from the prestigious DigiPen with a bachelor’s degree in computer science and created software for Formula One, Indy Car and The Boeing Company, which awarded him the Boeing Performance Excellence Award in 2014.

He is currently trying to distance himself from destructive patterns and he shares never-before discussed details of his ongoing development as a man.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:07 – 00:00:21:28

Brad Singletary

He dropped out of home school in fifth grade. His overprotective mother and mostly disengaged father did the best they could. In his early twenties, he walked into his dad’s apartment and found him dead. He’s lived with his mother ever since, and he’s been ridiculed for his codependent relationship with his mom. He didn’t learn to drive until he was 28.

 

00:00:22:26 – 00:01:01:10

Brad Singletary

Eventually graduated from Digital Institute of Technology with a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science and went on to create software for Formula One, IndyCar and the Boeing Company, which awarded him the Boeing Performance Excellence Award in 2014. He took vulnerability to an extreme level by appearing on TLC, Discovery’s hit show 90 Day Fiance, and its various spin offs. He’s currently trying to distance himself from destructive patterns, and he shares with us some never before discussed details of his ongoing development as a man.

 

00:01:04:10 – 00:01:25:18

Intro

If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

00:01:28:24 – 00:01:48:03

Brad Singletary

Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here, super excited to have our guest today, who is a reality TV star. He’s done lots of good things in his life. Making all kinds of big moves right now will share more of the introduction. At another point here. But just want to give a warm welcome to Colt Johnson.

 

00:01:48:16 – 00:02:08:11

Brad Singletary

Hey, how you doing? Good, man. Good to see you. Always a pleasure. So we have a lot Vegas resident here with us who has done some really cool things out in the world of show business. I want to kind of dig into that a little bit and find out how you how that all came to be and what that whole thing has been like.

 

00:02:08:11 – 00:02:16:17

Brad Singletary

This has been several years that you’ve been involved, I think. And so just tell us so from the beginning, how did you get involved with television?

 

00:02:17:15 – 00:02:22:07

Colt Johnson

It’s funny you say Las Vegas resident. I still consider myself resident even though I’ve been here for like five years.

 

00:02:22:25 – 00:02:25:00

Brad Singletary

But it only been five. Oh, wow.

 

00:02:25:00 – 00:02:32:09

Colt Johnson

Okay, so I’m still kind of a newbie here, I guess, but. Okay, it’s weird. It’s been five years by season five. Very long, very long years.

 

00:02:32:09 – 00:02:33:12

Brad Singletary

Long, hot, years.

 

00:02:33:14 – 00:03:01:14

Colt Johnson

Long, hot years. Let me tell you about. So originally I’m from Seattle. Okay? At the time, I was engaged to a woman named Larissa who was from Brazil, right. And I was looking to move. So one of the places was Las Vegas. Another place was Nebraska, Omaha, Nebraska, for those out there wondering. So I asked Larissa what she rather live in Noma Omaha, Nebraska or Las Vegas, Nevada.

 

00:03:01:14 – 00:03:18:00

Colt Johnson

And she picked Vegas. So I took my mother and my cats and moved out to Vegas and rented a house and started work. And a few months later, my fiancee Larissa came out and joined me and well, I guess that was a show.

 

00:03:18:20 – 00:03:26:27

Brad Singletary

So that’s my question is, were you connected as part of that show or you knew her independently and you kind of joined the show or.

 

00:03:26:29 – 00:03:47:05

Colt Johnson

No, I was already engaged to Larissa. We were fans of the show. We watched it together. We were engaged like before we were even involved with it. Larissa was a fan of the show. She was like part of like fan groups on like social media. Okay. Right. And they had like production on the forums, you know, are kind of looking for potential, you know, cast members.

 

00:03:47:18 – 00:04:10:06

Colt Johnson

So apparently one of them emailed Larissa asking them, hey, would you be interested in Larissa? Like, you know, you know, hey, my name is Larissa, you know, showed off her life and what she’s doing, her story, you know, with or other fans or whatever. So basically I was just like a, I guess a cold email and Larissa asked me, we went back and forth and went a lot of back and forth actually with it.

 

00:04:10:28 – 00:04:17:23

Colt Johnson

No one wanted to do it. My mother didn’t want me part of it. Larissa didn’t want to do it. I was the only one that wanted to do it originally.

 

00:04:18:05 – 00:04:22:18

Brad Singletary

Okay, so she talks you into this thing. Women have a way of doing that stuff.

 

00:04:23:01 – 00:04:25:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah, she was nervous about it was.

 

00:04:25:10 – 00:04:27:24

Brad Singletary

Her idea, but she was scared of the cold feet.

 

00:04:27:26 – 00:04:41:20

Colt Johnson

Yeah, but she was getting cold feet, you know, because, you know, it’s very. You put yourself out there exposing yourself and everything, you know? And she has certain things that she didn’t want, you know, out. And me, I just, I don’t know, I’m boring. I just went to school and I work, you know, normal jobs.

 

00:04:42:04 – 00:04:45:20

Brad Singletary

So what year was that? That was that right? As you’re moving here five years ago.

 

00:04:45:21 – 00:05:01:10

Colt Johnson

So that was like 2017. So I moved here September 2017 originally. So this is probably like January, February, well, maybe like June or so of that year. We’re talking about this and talking about moving in and stuff and being involved with everything.

 

00:05:01:14 – 00:05:14:28

Brad Singletary

So this show is 90 Day Fiancé. That’s a TLC program for those who don’t know. And then so to talk about the development of that whole thing, the relationship, the show, the work on that itself, I mean, you’ve been through a.

 

00:05:15:14 – 00:05:16:06

Colt Johnson

I’ve been.

 

00:05:16:07 – 00:05:18:15

Brad Singletary

I’ve been through 30 years of stuff and five years.

 

00:05:18:19 – 00:05:33:26

Colt Johnson

I do feel like that. And I mean, can like I spent a lot of my teenage early twenties kind of not doing a whole lot, but in my thirties I really blossomed as I accelerated far beyond my capacity. So I’ve I’ve grown too much too far. I guess that’s why my hair salon right now.

 

00:05:34:28 – 00:05:38:28

Brad Singletary

So you moved to Vegas and you got started on the show?

 

00:05:38:28 – 00:05:55:26

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So moved to Vegas. Even when I moved to Vegas, we still weren’t sure about the show. We were going back and forth. We auditioned who did like a video conference, you know, before it was cool, you know, this is back in 2017. So we did that and then and we just thought it would be best for our relationship.

 

00:05:55:26 – 00:06:14:22

Colt Johnson

You know, we earn some money, you know, and we’ll just be boring, you know, be on a couple episodes and that’s it, you know, no big deal. So we, you know, we got it selected. We signed the contract and and then and I want to say in early 2018 is when we started filming and then it aired and the end of the year 2018.

 

00:06:15:15 – 00:06:33:20

Brad Singletary

So we call it reality TV. A lot of people are skeptical about that and they think this whole thing is staged and scripted and so forth. And you know, obviously with some things they have to plan it like, okay, we’re going to go here at this time so that people know to go there to start filming you walking into the place.

 

00:06:34:16 – 00:06:39:15

Brad Singletary

But other than that, the storylines basically, would you say that’s reality?

 

00:06:40:06 – 00:07:01:18

Colt Johnson

I mean, reality is subjective, to be sure, but okay, everything I did on television was real. I didn’t it was never pass the script or anything. There was no like, you know, intervention, no lines passed at all. You know, they just want to follow what’s true because what they want to really know, what they really want to capture is the emotion between people.

 

00:07:01:26 – 00:07:18:19

Colt Johnson

That’s what’s important. That’s the reality of everything. Now, you can come into this filming and pretend to be in a relationship. Pretend to have, you know, I taken this with other people or whatever, you know, I mean, we can maintain that. But in my experience, people that try that, they come off very fake and they’re not popular people.

 

00:07:18:19 – 00:07:30:00

Colt Johnson

They’re popular, they stick with. The fans are the ones that resonate with them. They hit an emotional chord and it’s hard to do that without generally displaying emotion, real emotion.

 

00:07:31:01 – 00:07:41:15

Brad Singletary

So what happened with Larissa? I know that you talked about the they wanted to capture the feelings or the emotions between people. It looks like from what I saw from those bits there, there was definitely some emotion.

 

00:07:41:23 – 00:08:00:25

Colt Johnson

Larissa and I were not capable at all. I was very much, you know, flattered by her looks and her personality, you know, and she tolerated me, you know, she wanted whatever to get out of her situation and I wanted to get out of my own. I guess I thought together we could work together, but we were just basically like complete opposites.

 

00:08:01:09 – 00:08:09:05

Colt Johnson

So then reflected a lot, both on television and in our personal life. Even when the cameras are off like things are crazier when the cameras are off and they were on.

 

00:08:09:06 – 00:08:10:07

Brad Singletary

Oh, I’m sure.

 

00:08:10:10 – 00:08:11:25

Colt Johnson

The cameras are there. Let me tell you.

 

00:08:12:02 – 00:08:13:08

Brad Singletary

You’ve got to keep it somewhat.

 

00:08:13:13 – 00:08:14:20

Colt Johnson

Like, you know.

 

00:08:14:27 – 00:08:16:03

Brad Singletary

Just the ball for.

 

00:08:16:08 – 00:08:46:15

Colt Johnson

Getting rid of her. But, you know, it also like it was a relationship I raced into. We didn’t have much in common, different language, you know. And then we were pretty much like when she first came to America, cameras were rolling like there was no and all the way until our divorce, really, the cameras were there. So it was we never really had a sense of a time like where we were together that we weren’t influenced by by that the pressure and nervousness from that.

 

00:08:47:11 – 00:09:02:13

Brad Singletary

So you said you guys weren’t compatible at all. She’s a hot little Brazilian. How did you even to begin with? I mean, because I guess I didn’t realize that this was part of the show and that she comes to you because you’re on TV. But this you started that together?

 

00:09:02:19 – 00:09:03:25

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah, we started together.

 

00:09:04:00 – 00:09:06:20

Brad Singletary

So how did you pull in these kind of chicks?

 

00:09:06:20 – 00:09:25:25

Colt Johnson

Oh, that goes back to all of the things. I was in Seattle and I was single at the time and I was browsing, you know, the dating apps. And I came across Brazilian and so I went on day with her, start talking with her. We didn’t really hit it off, but she was friends with Larissa, so she had endorsed me to Larissa.

 

00:09:25:25 – 00:09:26:11

Brad Singletary

Oh, gotcha.

 

00:09:26:11 – 00:09:29:28

Colt Johnson

Okay, so that’s how I met Larissa originally. And we started talking and.

 

00:09:30:15 – 00:09:30:26

Brad Singletary

I.

 

00:09:30:26 – 00:09:33:05

Colt Johnson

See, you know, the rest is television.

 

00:09:34:17 – 00:09:41:24

Brad Singletary

So what? Talk about that relationship a little bit, just how it unfolded, what happened, how long before it was done and whatever. And what were some of the.

 

00:09:42:06 – 00:10:03:21

Colt Johnson

Oh, with Larissa when we first started talking, she knew no English whatsoever. So we basically exchanged gifts, you know, animated pictures or games or whatever the kids call them now. And eventually she started learning English by herself, so she, you know, texting better, you know, would be easier to text or, you know, communicate that way versus, you know, of a voice.

 

00:10:03:26 – 00:10:23:09

Colt Johnson

Voice, you know, initially that was hard. So our relationship was just basically, you know, hanging out, playing games, kind of showing each other clips of things. And I was kind of very, very surface level, very much the very minimal level as you could possibly possible that. But then after a while, after a few months of doing that, I met her in person in Mexico.

 

00:10:23:12 – 00:10:32:14

Colt Johnson

We met in middle basically spent a few days together in person and even then there were telltale signs of our compatibility.

 

00:10:32:14 – 00:10:33:12

Brad Singletary

But oh boy.

 

00:10:33:13 – 00:10:54:16

Colt Johnson

Having Larissa there, you know, I just felt like in the world basically, you know, man of the world in this foreign land, with this foreign beauty. And and I felt like I felt great. And I just took this kind of, like, rush of, you know, feelings as as love or as things that weren’t real. Basically, it was just, like instantaneous feels, feelings of pleasure.

 

00:10:54:16 – 00:11:01:11

Colt Johnson

And I was mistaken that for, like, real long term emotional love wasn’t there. Fortunately.

 

00:11:02:18 – 00:11:25:18

Brad Singletary

That takes some maturity to be able to make that distinction between the chemistry and the passionate feelings that show up in the beginning, you know, new hot girl and whatever. And it’s the novelty of everything you’re saying that was mistaken for love in the beginning. You’ve learned maybe something about that, about love outside of that relationship, because you’ve moved on and carried on.

 

00:11:25:18 – 00:11:25:26

Brad Singletary

Yeah.

 

00:11:26:12 – 00:11:47:14

Colt Johnson

Yeah. My my perception of love has definitely changed. It’s evolved over the years. I mean, I’ve always chased it like like it was like my last breath of air is essentially this neediness, this thing that I never had. And it’s something that I’m still discovering to this point. I think it goes back to basically the dawn of myself and, you know, who’s there at the beginning, who loves you and you know why that is and such.

 

00:11:47:14 – 00:12:08:15

Colt Johnson

And I’ve always been kind of chasing he’s chasing that. But as I get older, you know, I replace that type of love, you know, as in love, affection, love, lusts, you know, physical love, you know, very primal, basic, basic love as you could possibly get, because that’s basically all I knew or could understand.

 

00:12:09:25 – 00:12:13:00

Brad Singletary

So five years ago, how old were you?

 

00:12:13:00 – 00:12:19:23

Colt Johnson

  1. Oh, I know. I’m. Why am I talking about so I was 34 or so. Yeah. Okay. Three, three.

 

00:12:20:09 – 00:12:20:16

Brad Singletary

Three.

 

00:12:20:25 – 00:12:21:21

Colt Johnson

Three, three, three, two.

 

00:12:22:04 – 00:12:28:01

Brad Singletary

All right. There was this. And had you had other relationships before? Were there major, big long term relationships?

 

00:12:28:01 – 00:12:53:00

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah. Surprisingly, my relationship with Larissa was one of my shorter relationships. Go figure. That one I, I had, I guess you would say three long term relationships before my, my wife for Larissa the longest was probably like four or five years and then three years and then two years. So I was married for one year, so this is going down.

 

00:12:53:05 – 00:13:07:00

Brad Singletary

So you get your life all out there on TV. I looked up one time, if the numbers wrong, help me if you know better. But I think I saw that that show, the viewership is like 30 million. The audience is about 30 million. People are watching this show.

 

00:13:07:03 – 00:13:17:16

Colt Johnson

Oh, I don’t know the numbers, but let me tell you, it’s an all of the world global AIDS translated in multiple languages and different platforms. And it’s been going on for many, many years.

 

00:13:18:26 – 00:13:42:11

Brad Singletary

So you get your whole life exposed in front of everyone in the world. We’re seeing, you know, fights on TV. We’re seeing arguments, we’re seeing drama and these things. And that’s kind of what that’s cool TV. But this is your real life. This is your actual day to day existence happening that’s in this intense way. Talk about how that all went to the end of the relationship.

 

00:13:42:11 – 00:13:42:25

Brad Singletary

What happened?

 

00:13:43:01 – 00:14:05:15

Colt Johnson

My marriage to Larissa, I mean, it reflected a lot in the show. We fought a lot we argued bicker doesn’t matter was about money and my mother myself you know there’s always points of tension, you know, in real life, you know, and the show reflected that that that’s that’s a big reason why we were popular, honestly, because it was all real is all very, very unfortunate.

 

00:14:05:15 – 00:14:28:29

Colt Johnson

It was a very dark time for me. I was very sad. I was going to a it was a very sad time for me. I moved, you know, I just moved from Washington. So I was in a new state, a new job. I didn’t particularly like the state or the job or anything, you know, and here’s a my fiancee who very much acted in this towards me and throughout my marriage.

 

00:14:28:29 – 00:14:54:29

Colt Johnson

And, you know, in a lot of ways, the show was there. Kind of the only thing that kept me really sane or kept me going or interested, kept me grounded because it was something that I look forward to, stuff that I could plan, you know, something the obviously I could actually plan together and look forward to and even though we fought, it was just I don’t know, it was just it was just something for us to bond over.

 

00:14:55:19 – 00:15:16:17

Brad Singletary

There was some excitement there. There’s some attention involved with that. I can imagine, you know, what happens on social media. And, you know, you’re you’re in all the magazine, you know, everywhere where fans of these types of shows are you’re right in the middle of it. Your pictures there, there’s video clips, there’s YouTube, there’s all this just exposure.

 

00:15:16:21 – 00:15:23:09

Brad Singletary

And I had to feel good to be maybe seen. And even if some of what was being seen wasn’t your best.

 

00:15:23:22 – 00:15:51:27

Colt Johnson

I remember the first like me and my saw, I was like, What the heck is that? It’s just ridiculous. It’s like, curse answer or something about or just that’s crazy. I just never thought that would ever be a thing. And, you know, and then over time, you know, it was funny. And then it became kind of a I remember Larissa was very public during our fights, you know, during the end of our marriage, we’d fight a lot and she’d go to, you know, live streaming and broadcast, you know, her grievances with me, whether, you know, privately or in front of me, basically.

 

00:15:51:27 – 00:16:12:27

Colt Johnson

And that ran into a lot of problems with like the show because we were filming this time. So we can’t spoil anything. So we fight about that as well. So it’s like it just became like this or Boris of, you know, problems of like ten points of tension, problems arguing. And it just it just didn’t stop, essentially. And the ended just it blew up.

 

00:16:12:27 – 00:16:35:25

Colt Johnson

And then, like, I remember I second or so this is Larissa’s second arrest and she was broadcasting on live and everything and people were like, you know, commenting, you know, it was it was it was a crazy thing. You know, people were calling my cell phone. If I finding my number, you know, they were calling the police, they’re calling whoever they could because they thought it was just it was it was beyond myself.

 

00:16:35:25 – 00:16:46:22

Colt Johnson

It wasn’t just me having an argument with my fiancee. I was like me against the world at this point because of the show, because of because we were on television show.

 

00:16:47:24 – 00:16:50:08

Brad Singletary

You didn’t mean for that part to happen. That wasn’t the.

 

00:16:50:15 – 00:16:50:29

Colt Johnson

No, this is.

 

00:16:51:06 – 00:16:51:22

Brad Singletary

The cameras.

 

00:16:51:22 – 00:17:08:14

Colt Johnson

Were in there. This is the best part. That’s what I’m talking about. Right. Like they were taking the weekend off and this was just a Saturday morning for us know. And the cops eventually called, I don’t know, a fan or something. And they found our address and they busted in the front door with a guns drawn. Oh, wow.

 

00:17:08:14 – 00:17:29:17

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And they pulled my ass out because, you know, and then they’re ready to haul me all my ass in the paddy wagon. But when they found Larissa, they they’re interviewing both of us back and forth, and and they arrested her, but it was just like, you know, and the whole all that was escalated because of, like, the tension from the show, because of the fans, because of Larissa.

 

00:17:29:17 – 00:17:53:20

Colt Johnson

During all that, it was just there’s a lot of points of tension that I would say my marriage definitely hyper accelerated to its final conclusion. You know, like over there, over the cliff, the railroad tracks burning over the cliff like it just was far to it would happen anyway, whether it was a year which, you know, I was married for like six months, you know.

 

00:17:53:26 – 00:18:00:25

Colt Johnson

So if it wasn’t for the show, I think I would have maybe took six years. Who knows? But it would have ended. Probably, unfortunately.

 

00:18:02:03 – 00:18:05:00

Brad Singletary

Glad it did not. It ended.

 

00:18:06:00 – 00:18:20:09

Colt Johnson

I mean, I’m I’m not glad it ended. I mean, I unfortunately, you know, things happen. We weren’t compatible. I mean, it’s a good thing I’m glad I learned we weren’t compatible and I was able to move on from it.

 

00:18:20:12 – 00:18:21:18

Brad Singletary

Okay, that makes sense.

 

00:18:22:10 – 00:18:29:06

Colt Johnson

Unfortunately, I wish I could have saw that before I got married, but I guess that was kind of like the learning blocks I had to go to to learn.

 

00:18:30:11 – 00:18:34:29

Brad Singletary

So after Larissa, the show thought, They’ve got to star here.

 

00:18:34:29 – 00:18:35:29

Colt Johnson

After last year.

 

00:18:36:02 – 00:18:42:19

Brad Singletary

They got this guy. So then you proceeded and then there was another relationship at some point to talk about that.

 

00:18:42:22 – 00:19:04:25

Colt Johnson

So after Larissa and I separated, she moved on and started dating someone else. And then I. I started dating someone else, you know, I just. So this woman was visiting from out of town, and the man was in Las Vegas, and we just kind of hit off a little here off, you know, you know, she’s younger and, you know, I was single again.

 

00:19:04:25 – 00:19:12:03

Colt Johnson

You know, we hit it off in the sense of like she likes to drink and, you know, I like to have fun with a girl that the single okay.

 

00:19:12:03 – 00:19:15:01

Brad Singletary

And so that turned into something quickly too. I mean yeah.

 

00:19:15:02 – 00:19:34:05

Colt Johnson

So that that as soon as that we were like relationship, I mean it wasn’t even like we were in a relationship, it was more just like we met and then we were, I was attracted to her and hit it off and I told, you know, production that because they always kind of curious of, you know, what’s new, what’s, you know, what do you be doing?

 

00:19:34:17 – 00:19:54:28

Colt Johnson

So, you know, and I was I told them, oh, I’m dating a a new Brazilian, essentially a younger Brazilian. And then they they liked that idea for some reason. So they followed my ex-wife and, and myself independently or going to our divorce at the time. So she was dating her boyfriend and I was dating my girlfriend.

 

00:19:56:14 – 00:20:02:07

Brad Singletary

Okay. And then and then what happened from there? Where did that take you from there to your current?

 

00:20:02:26 – 00:20:23:03

Colt Johnson

Well, that that was just kind of the start of a split of my whole other life. I guess in a lot of ways. My my marriage with Larissa was the Prolog, which I never thought that would be. But after that, I felt, you know, I got some kind of, you know, sense of, you know, chip on my shoulder a little bit, you know?

 

00:20:23:03 – 00:20:43:00

Colt Johnson

You know, I felt kind of good about myself. I was on TV, you know, I had a lot of attention from other people. And I never I never had that before, obviously, not to that extent, you know. Right. And I still wanted to be a good person, but I still wanted affection. And there’s always I guess I’m just I grew up as very selfish, you know, the only child.

 

00:20:43:00 – 00:21:03:05

Colt Johnson

So, like, you know, I had a girlfriend, but my girlfriend was like long distance or there’s always these things. I just want more. More, more. So and I was me, I was just like, I would accept love at whatever the costs. Like, doesn’t matter if I felt bad or if I felt like, you know, whatever exceptional I was, I felt I was receiving a love that was okay.

 

00:21:03:05 – 00:21:24:27

Colt Johnson

So there was a lot of relationship I had you in love with with the Brazilian that it just affected me. It was just like I just wanted to feel something I really love, you know, whether I’d take a drink or or do some kind of, you know, drug or whatever, it’s just I’m always chasing that feeling. And so that’s what happened after my divorce.

 

00:21:24:27 – 00:21:43:00

Colt Johnson

I just wanted to feel love because I was very much and there’s deficits, deficit of love. I just felt like I needed to feel happy, joy, you know? So I took that for loss. I took it for drinking. I took it for all that earthly pleasure desires. And this woman represented a lot of that. So that’s kind of what I fell into.

 

00:21:43:17 – 00:22:09:28

Colt Johnson

So that already was a bad state of mind, you know, and then that makes it my newfound celebrity. Um, you know, I was talking to a bunch of girls, you know, they’d send me a bunch of pictures, inappropriate imagery, you know? And I returned the favor, you know, I was gentleman like that, I guess, you know. And even so, I had a friend at the time who she was a fan of the show.

 

00:22:10:04 – 00:22:31:10

Colt Johnson

We she was local in Vegas. I’m and then we start talking and I can really confide in her a lot during my marriage. So Risa you just kind of my only outlet a lot of the time. So she never went away from Larissa, but she never was never interested in me. And she was married, so, like, she didn’t want the hopes to, you know, to get with her.

 

00:22:31:18 – 00:22:51:14

Colt Johnson

Even though I would love to. I would tell you. Right. I would have totally loved that. But so basically I had I wanted more than her and she always kind of turned me down. So here comes this young, hot Brazilian that likes to do all these earthly pleasures and wants to be on television with me. So why would I do that?

 

00:22:51:14 – 00:23:10:09

Colt Johnson

And since I knew it was kind of a fluff thing, you know, it, you know, I just I didn’t really care about everything. I didn’t really care anything at that point in my life. I kind of hit rock bottom, right? And my marriage was over. You know, I felt crappy. You know, I felt like no one really loved me at all.

 

00:23:10:14 – 00:23:12:14

Colt Johnson

So I was like, Well, I don’t really love anybody.

 

00:23:12:14 – 00:23:23:15

Brad Singletary

Then you talk about hitting rock bottom, but you’re that’s when your popularity and your, you know, being known around the world, that’s when that’s sharply growing.

 

00:23:23:20 – 00:23:27:11

Colt Johnson

It wasn’t even the rock bottom that was just that thought that I thought that was rock bottom.

 

00:23:27:11 – 00:23:30:01

Brad Singletary

Oh, you just felt it at the time I’m here, man. Yeah.

 

00:23:30:22 – 00:23:58:21

Colt Johnson

Eager for so much, so much more in life. Okay, you know, so you keep going in this like I don’t fuck it type of attitude in life and my relationship to this woman. In all honesty, it only lasted like I only saw her total grand total maybe like 12 days in person. So we have like a long distance for like three or four months, but it wasn’t a big thing on my side and I guess I never really kind of portrayed that tension.

 

00:23:58:21 – 00:24:25:15

Colt Johnson

I don’t I don’t understand. I think we both had ill intentions, but I can’t speak for her. But at the end of the day, I just kept going, growing like the snowball. Right? It just kept going bigger and bigger down this hill. And I just, you know, I’d been drinking more, smoking maybe more or just doing bad things, hanging out with bad women, you know, to some extent, you know, this is, you know, I would hang out with or just talk to people that I just there’s just nothing there.

 

00:24:25:15 – 00:24:38:27

Colt Johnson

Just hollow experience just because I just wanted to to feel something. So I talk to more women. They send me more pictures. I send more pictures, some videos, I send them videos. So a lot of my inappropriate imagery was like, you know, you.

 

00:24:38:27 – 00:24:40:10

Brad Singletary

Get your junk out there, too.

 

00:24:40:19 – 00:24:58:00

Colt Johnson

There’s like a collection series, I would say, you know, there’s about 12 or 14 good videos you’re into today. I shit. You know, you go on social media, you know, they still talk about the clips, you know, they trade them like they’re collecting cards and I get collect them all. I guess.

 

00:24:58:11 – 00:24:59:03

Brad Singletary

That’s funny.

 

00:24:59:21 – 00:25:16:16

Colt Johnson

I can laugh about it now, but I remember when that first happened, it was a big, you know, it was all the social media, you know, it was just I was like devastated, you know? I mean, people like saying, oh, how he’s disgusting. Why? Why would he send these to the poor people? And like, well, they were sending me stuff, too, you know?

 

00:25:16:16 – 00:25:37:15

Colt Johnson

So, I mean, and, you know, it’s just so it was like I have this bad public opinion. I have myself exposed in this very, you know, the barest way possible. You know, people are making fun of me always. Of course. I was going to say all you have I can seven is seven foot log in your fucking pants or whatever.

 

00:25:37:15 – 00:25:44:20

Colt Johnson

Right. But you know, and it’s just a lot of people can read shit online that could destroy their mind. Right. You know, if you’re careful, I.

 

00:25:44:20 – 00:25:47:03

Brad Singletary

Can’t imagine what kind of things have been sent to you.

 

00:25:47:03 – 00:26:06:28

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I mean, you dig far enough, you can read the worst comments forever about yourself and you just. Yeah, I mean, you have two choices. You could take that and really hold that inside of yourself or just look and walk away, you know? And I’ve seen people most people, unfortunately, take it and they still they have to keep looking.

 

00:26:06:28 – 00:26:17:16

Colt Johnson

They can’t they can’t not look away. It’s like it’s like they’re the hands or the eyes are glued to their screen and they have to know what, why, why they’re not love. And and it just becomes this obsession.

 

00:26:17:28 – 00:26:28:02

Brad Singletary

Was the opposite true as well, though, that you get a lot of comments were there was there are a lot of loving supportive where the people saying you go you know it was it that was there positive things.

 

00:26:28:02 – 00:26:45:08

Colt Johnson

Or oh yeah, I definitely have my fan base. Let me tell you, I got my fans that love me and support me and wish me the best and you know, and whatever I do, you know, I’ve had a lot of fans tell me like, oh, you know, they have family members ask if they have more Colton like more shows or me and stuff.

 

00:26:45:08 – 00:27:05:05

Colt Johnson

And I’m not 90 days specifically. So, you know, if I meet people, you know in real life or whatever, they’re always very happy. And one person and I had one person cry. It was their birthday. We’re at a restaurant and they were they were a little drunk, but but they were crying, bawling tears like they just met, like the pope or something.

 

00:27:05:23 – 00:27:11:05

Colt Johnson

And it was just I was with my wife and we were just. We just want burritos.

 

00:27:12:07 – 00:27:14:03

Brad Singletary

You get recognized all over the place to people.

 

00:27:14:03 – 00:27:36:11

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Even today, a surprisingly I really mean more if like, I’m on something that’s on television currently airing. But you know, it depends, you know, more, you know, demographic, more observant, you know, more popular and other demos, other cities, you know, other places, you know, places like Walmart, you get recognized more than maybe know other places where I am for.

 

00:27:36:14 – 00:27:59:14

Colt Johnson

But yeah, I love my fans. Always been very nice. They’ve always been, you know, very cool. And, you know, it actually I’ve had some really, really nice experiences, like people, very nice messages saying, you know, they’re feeling bad about their lives or whatever, but they can watch what I did and relate or feel better about themselves or or bring them some sort of happiness or joy, you know?

 

00:27:59:14 – 00:28:15:03

Colt Johnson

And, you know, when you think about it, at the time when I was filming this, like my divorce with Larissa, I was crying and miserable, like I said, one of the darkest times in my life. But, you know, is also very funny to a lot of people. And looking back now, I’m like, Yeah, that’s very funny because I have that disconnection now.

 

00:28:15:03 – 00:28:15:29

Brad Singletary

Right, right.

 

00:28:16:01 – 00:28:33:22

Colt Johnson

So like, people will actually appreciate that. And it’s something that, you know, people like you bring out a lot. You know, most people get a lot into it. So make someone that feel emotion, a good emotion, a good emotion, a positive, happy experience, even if it’s watching a video clip like that, that really means a lot to me.

 

00:28:33:25 – 00:28:42:17

Brad Singletary

Yeah. So after the second girl, you had this friend that was, you know, kind of on deck, she wasn’t that interested. You tried to make something happen with her?

 

00:28:42:21 – 00:29:10:25

Colt Johnson

Yes. Then. Well, well, so is this friend. I we she divorced her husband finally, but she still didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. So I’m like, well, I got rid of the guy. You still don’t want me. I’m so I’m like, you know, like, hum, she’s like an onion. How many layers I have to peel that to get to her, you know, but so, but after her divorce or towards the end, I guess we start become physical.

 

00:29:11:11 – 00:29:35:07

Colt Johnson

Okay. Having affair physical. I was definitely emotional before, but so we started sleeping together and this is when I was with my girlfriend at the time, my long distance Brazilian girlfriend. So, you know, this is a whole like downward down world, you know, spirals at the vortex of despair, right? Going down worse and worse into being more and more of a degenerate, I guess, you know, bad behavior.

 

00:29:35:28 – 00:29:58:03

Colt Johnson

And I kept that from my girlfriend. And and it was just I wasn’t doing anything good. I wasn’t I had no morals, no sense of ethics. I wasn’t standing tall for anything. You know, that’s the problem. Back then, I, I was just going wave. I was looking for love and using my dick as a fucking pointing. Pointing, Roland.

 

00:29:58:04 – 00:30:00:01

Brad Singletary

Basically, yeah. Show me where. Yeah.

 

00:30:00:18 – 00:30:04:05

Colt Johnson

Show me that it’s a confess. Show me where love is okay.

 

00:30:04:09 – 00:30:08:24

Brad Singletary

Head north so was a different though with this was a different with this.

 

00:30:09:07 – 00:30:35:14

Colt Johnson

Yeah so my wife should know what spoilers I guess but so this friend we became close but we bonded over trauma. Right. Okay. I let out a lot of my emotional waste from my marriage to Larissa to this friend, and we bonded over that. She she has this kind of like, nursing, motherly, you know.

 

00:30:35:14 – 00:30:36:07

Brad Singletary

Caretaker.

 

00:30:36:07 – 00:31:02:04

Colt Johnson

Caretaker type of personality, right? So she felt this type of love or this bond over me for that. So I gave her a lot of attention that her husband and give her. Right. So emotional attention. I was good at that. Let me tell you, when we never found me attractive so much physically but emotionally, I gave it all attention and I was very attentive and, you know, and that that really created a sense of bonding between us.

 

00:31:02:23 – 00:31:27:14

Colt Johnson

But as much as we had this bonding, I wanted more, you know, I wanted to her to be my girlfriend. I wanted to go on a date with her, wanting to kiss her. Why? To sleep with her. But she didn’t want to do that. So I started talking to other girls and then she found out about this. And then she kind of didn’t have trust anymore with me because she thought she was the only one that confided in and the only one that that was there for me.

 

00:31:27:14 – 00:31:59:14

Colt Johnson

And she was she was. But there I was talking to other people because I didn’t know what would happen next, you know, and she was married. So but this this started this sense. So because she had this like this sense of like, oh, he’s he’s this, like, perfect little person, like, you know, and I broke that. And that’s something that over time has grown, you know, like, so now by Kira’s girlfriend, I’m sleeping with with my friend Vanessa, and I’m hiding it from my girlfriend.

 

00:31:59:14 – 00:32:21:16

Colt Johnson

Long distance girlfriend. Mm hmm. And I’m asking her not to tell her and all this stuff. So I’m even telling her, hey, you know, I’m not a good boyfriend, you know, lie lie to my girlfriend for me or don’t tell her or whatever. So I’m teaching her that you should not date me. So even so, there’s a rift that initially was, you know, a crack is now grown at this stage.

 

00:32:21:28 – 00:32:44:27

Colt Johnson

So but we still have we still are in relationship. We still grow. You know, we still we become more physical or whatever. And eventually the my long distance girl and I, we break up came end of a season. We broke up, you know, whatever. But I still wanted Vanessa, you know, and we, we but even though we sleep together more and more, she’s living with me to my mom and I.

 

00:32:44:27 – 00:32:49:09

Colt Johnson

She, she living in our spare bedroom. She’s paying rent and everything, but.

 

00:32:49:17 – 00:32:49:28

Brad Singletary

Right.

 

00:32:50:08 – 00:33:11:26

Colt Johnson

But she still had this distance, you know, she was single now, so she was going on dates herself. You know, she was exploring. She didn’t want to be tied down in another relationship. But me being selfish, I was like, Well, hey, now you’re free and I’m free. Let’s, let’s do it. But she wasn’t ready. But me being selfish, I kept chasing Eric kept trying to, you know, I guess they call it love bombing an emotional bombing or some shit now, whatever.

 

00:33:11:26 – 00:33:16:07

Colt Johnson

But, you know, that’s just being attentive. Back in my day.

 

00:33:16:20 – 00:33:22:25

Brad Singletary

What was your what did you find so different about her? What made you want to hang on for so long and pursue her for so long?

 

00:33:23:01 – 00:33:43:21

Colt Johnson

Well, she’s definitely my Moby-Dick, I guess. You know, she we didn’t I mean, just kiss her for, like, so long, and our relationship was kissing her, you know, I was like, like, the biggest experience, you know, months in the making and then sleeping with her, you know, that was like once more so. And then, I don’t know, as just as bond.

 

00:33:44:03 – 00:34:02:15

Colt Johnson

I mean, now, you know, now who I am. Now I could tell you what it is more clearly. And then I could then, you know, but I believe now it was like I said, it was this nursing thing, like this motherly love. Okay, so I must I think that was a love. I really resonated with more than anything else.

 

00:34:03:09 – 00:34:33:13

Colt Johnson

And it was this caring patient kind of like like a warm blanket love, you know, kind of wrap yourself around it. And I never felt that before ever that not even, you know, from anybody. So that was something I just it just never went away by. Over time in my pursuit of her, I really sullied the water a lot in that love, that that warm love really kind of became this really raggedy, dirty, soiled blanket.

 

00:34:34:05 – 00:34:39:02

Colt Johnson

It’s still a blanket. It still kind of warms you, but it’s definitely not there.

 

00:34:39:02 – 00:34:40:04

Brad Singletary

What’s happened?

 

00:34:40:29 – 00:35:10:00

Colt Johnson

Well, you know, so eventually her and I, we we became I mean, it’s weird because the show and I the show and my relationships kind of remembered each other, right? I was married or divorced, my rebound, all of that. And then it followed my kind of affair with that. And then that to my eventual relationship was with her and then my marriage with was wifey number two.

 

00:35:10:00 – 00:35:40:07

Colt Johnson

Vanessa So, but it’s like it was like we didn’t get together because we wanted to. We just got together because we were there and just I felt like it was the next thing to do. I mean, if you ask her now, she’ll say, I forced her into it. Right. I think she would like I do believe that that my wife thinks that she forced into a lot of things.

 

00:35:41:03 – 00:35:53:22

Brad Singletary

What made her hang on to you so tight? Because she was there. She didn’t want to be, you know, romantically with you to begin with, wherever. Obviously, she’s married at the time. But what did she see in you that was that she loved or appreciated?

 

00:35:54:00 – 00:36:13:27

Colt Johnson

I mean, initially, I think it was she saw this like pure, innocent soul that you help this little baby bird, you know. And then I think I don’t know if she just wanted to recapture that or I don’t know. I was her only friend for a long time as well. Like, she’s kind of she doesn’t she’s not really a social body.

 

00:36:13:27 – 00:36:34:15

Colt Johnson

So we definitely bonded over stuff and we just we just kept holding on to that for whatever. And things just kept going and going and going. Like I said, like, you know, my divorce, my rebound, filming her divorce, you know, it just it wasn’t any time to really think about our relationship, like, why are we here? Why do we like each other?

 

00:36:34:25 – 00:36:55:29

Colt Johnson

Like, do we have plans where our plans, you know, I mean, I was still living, you know, living with my mother, you know, like throughout this whole process as well. So I have a plans to like live with Vanessa, my or anybody. I have plans to really do anything with anybody. I just thought moving girl and the rest would be happily ever after.

 

00:36:56:24 – 00:37:11:12

Brad Singletary

So I want to talk later more after we get kind of your story out there on the table. But what’s what was your mom’s role in the development of your relationship or your marriage now? I mean, what’s what’s been her.

 

00:37:11:28 – 00:37:36:06

Colt Johnson

My mother’s always been in my life, whether I was first day elementary school or last a graduation in college, my marriage or every day between every second in between. Really, she just I was kind of there. And she’s she’s always been there. She’s been very helpful. She’s always been very dotty and over me, I guess they call them helicopter moms to some degree.

 

00:37:36:07 – 00:38:04:12

Colt Johnson

But it’s hard as an adult being adult, living with your parent. Definitely it’s impossible because your parent, at least from my experience, my parent, they always want to feel this higher functionality over you. You know, it’s how they I don’t know if it’s just something that, you know, they grow into or whatever. But my mother, especially, I feel like she exists in this personality of higher functioning.

 

00:38:04:12 – 00:38:30:10

Colt Johnson

So for us to coexist together in the same environment, she has to feel better about herself. And so there are ways the best way basically, you know, the way she cooks you planes always you know, I’m I am the son the boy the boy don’t know too good so and that’s reflected on to the marriage. I mean, if I’m living with my wife or whoever, the way my mother treats me, I mean, it just puts me in my space.

 

00:38:30:10 – 00:38:46:09

Colt Johnson

And my wife’s asking me, like, you know, well, one, you know, I want to do that, you know, so she can’t she gets denied that pleasure. And then to Cherie thinks is viewed as a as a piece or or thing. You know, she I think of you as equal and.

 

00:38:46:29 – 00:38:50:01

Brad Singletary

Sees use this inferior weaker person or something.

 

00:38:50:01 – 00:38:50:25

Colt Johnson

And yeah.

 

00:38:51:14 – 00:38:54:22

Brad Singletary

This is the dynamic between you and your mom and your lived together at the time.

 

00:38:54:22 – 00:39:06:13

Colt Johnson

Yeah, we lived together. I live my mother my entire life. I mean, there’s little spots here and there that I did and but, you know, it just never it never occurred to my mother to not live with me. I mean, I especially after my father died.

 

00:39:06:17 – 00:39:19:16

Brad Singletary

Okay. So that’s I’m curious about what went into that. I mean, as a young adult, where most people are parting ways with their parents and doing their own thing and whatever, what what was different about your journey there?

 

00:39:19:19 – 00:39:39:04

Colt Johnson

Well, there are a lot of things in my life that kind of derailed me. Well, when I so originally I lived well. So when I was five, I lived in Sacramento, California. I went to school there until I was ten. We moved to Seattle, Washington area. But when I moved there, I didn’t really jive with the school so much.

 

00:39:39:28 – 00:39:50:20

Colt Johnson

So I basically I was home schooled, so I didn’t finish elementary school at all. If you look at some degrees, I’m actually an elementary school dropout.

 

00:39:51:08 – 00:39:51:28

Brad Singletary

Wow.

 

00:39:51:28 – 00:39:59:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I had fifth grade. I didn’t finish the fifth grade, technically. So. And this is back, you know, like all of my.

 

00:39:59:19 – 00:40:01:23

Brad Singletary

1990, 1990.

 

00:40:01:23 – 00:40:26:06

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Ninth. Yeah. It really nice. 795. Right. So like this is like before the everyone had internet even like this is before AOL, right? Even right. You got mail? Nope. But so, you know, my mother tried, you know, she went to the, you know, back then home school connection and drive to people that had, you know, supplies, resources, good textbooks, online stuff.

 

00:40:26:06 – 00:40:56:20

Colt Johnson

And she kind of helped me, my teacher, more or less for that, you know. But she wasn’t the most academic person, you know, I don’t know her own academic background, you know, I don’t know exactly what she accomplished in life but teaching that just wasn’t something that she was particularly great at. So my interest in that varied over the years and so more or less just kind of taught myself things, you know, eventually I did get a computer, I got AOL finally, thank God.

 

00:40:57:07 – 00:41:16:22

Colt Johnson

And I just kind of spent most of my early years on the Internet just blocking off playing games and never went back to school at all. Eventually, I got my GED and then I got my shit together and went to school. But that was in my twenties, early twenties, teens and everything.

 

00:41:16:24 – 00:41:25:23

Brad Singletary

So you dropped out of fifth grade? Yeah. And what? Why was I’m curious, why were you being taught at home? What was the thought about that at that point? Well.

 

00:41:26:02 – 00:41:43:13

Colt Johnson

The I was trying to get my mother was trying to get me into the next class because I was actually ahead or not. I was actually so I was bored and and I just didn’t I didn’t bond well with other kids. I mean, looking back, it should just been like, you know, deal with it, you know, I’ll just it’ll get better.

 

00:41:43:27 – 00:42:03:04

Colt Johnson

But my mother, you know, just for whatever reason, you know, didn’t like me crying, couldn’t you know, whatever people you like, they want to help you, you know, they make decisions. So and this is a thing that was going on for a couple of weeks and it’s back and forth and just I guess because it would have pushed me into the next great like middle school.

 

00:42:03:04 – 00:42:10:07

Colt Johnson

So they didn’t want to do that. So my mother said, Well, if you’re not going to push them into the next grade, I’ll take them and train him myself.

 

00:42:10:18 – 00:42:12:12

Brad Singletary

Was your dad around at this point or what?

 

00:42:12:13 – 00:42:35:26

Colt Johnson

Yeah, so my dad was around. But so this this is a thing that I didn’t learn about until more recently in my life, when my dad was very much a passive or so in his own life, especially in relationships as well as like just raising me in general, like my mother in Hammer’s file a lot about me specifically and their own problems.

 

00:42:35:26 – 00:42:41:12

Colt Johnson

But you know, I was definitely used as a weapon during their the proxy wars.

 

00:42:41:21 – 00:42:42:26

Brad Singletary

Tug of war type of thing.

 

00:42:43:02 – 00:42:43:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

00:42:43:15 – 00:42:47:23

Brad Singletary

When you say he was passive with you, does that mean just not as involved or what all do you mean?

 

00:42:47:23 – 00:43:11:21

Colt Johnson

Like also check this shit out. My father. So my father was primarily raised by his mother. Okay, so my my, my father never met his biological father. Okay. Is a result of a basically what you call a one night stand nowadays. But this is back in the, you know, late forties or whatever, right? So, uh, my mother was I’m sorry.

 

00:43:11:21 – 00:43:33:12

Colt Johnson

So his, my father’s mother, my grandmother raised my father by herself for a couple of years. But back then that was very much different story. It was very much frowned upon, you know, socially and economically speaking. It was just hard. So she was she arranged for my father to be adopted an open a open adoption.

 

00:43:33:18 – 00:43:33:26

Brad Singletary

Wow.

 

00:43:33:26 – 00:44:00:18

Colt Johnson

Okay. So he was by this older couple in Tahoe called the Johnsons. Um, spoilers. So my surname comes from adoption. Oh, wow. Well, I follow my father’s birth. Surname is not Johnson. Okay, so he was adopted. He was eight years old, though, approximately. So he’s already kind of like grew up a bit. Um, but this couple, the Johnsons, they were like, they’re older, like in the fifties, forties there.

 

00:44:00:18 – 00:44:24:09

Colt Johnson

He had kids in their twenties and moved on. Right. But they’re wealthy, I guess they they were involved in the early boating, public recreational boating that was going on. So he he spent his years there, but like I said, his brothers were older. But so he he had his mother basically his mother would visit him on the weekends or whatever, come out and see him.

 

00:44:24:09 – 00:44:44:28

Colt Johnson

And that was his life basically even with this older couple and then having his mother visit him periodically. And when you turned 18, he was out the door and lived his life. But so and I mean otherwise, I guess you never really had a strong male male influence in his life. Right? Right. Like he never had that type of just it was his mother.

 

00:44:44:28 – 00:45:09:29

Colt Johnson

And then there was just this older couple that, you know, probably didn’t really have that type of energy or type of devotion to him much as he might have needed. So him growing up, I mean, he was married five times. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So he only had one child as far as he knew. So that was a proudest thing he ever did, was only having one child out of five marriages.

 

00:45:10:20 – 00:45:11:10

Colt Johnson

My mother was the.

 

00:45:11:26 – 00:45:12:16

Brad Singletary

She the fifth.

 

00:45:12:16 – 00:45:36:02

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So my mother was the lucky number five, I guess. Okay. But, uh, he, I think he always wanted a sense of family and being a belong or something, I don’t know, not having a typical family growing up or whatever. But I definitely think he wanted to recreate that and wanted to feel a sense of belonging and he didn’t know how to to do that.

 

00:45:36:02 – 00:46:00:15

Colt Johnson

And I think he, like me now, just want to feel love. So you you have someone that will give you love at whatever price you do, whatever you can as submissive to that matter, you know. And my father was I think he taught me that also runs in the family or whatever. So at the end of the day, my mother definitely I felt like was had the last say in raising me.

 

00:46:00:23 – 00:46:03:04

Colt Johnson

So he just stepped aside.

 

00:46:04:03 – 00:46:09:10

Brad Singletary

So he wasn’t that involved with you in terms of, you know, day to day play and stuff like that.

 

00:46:09:10 – 00:46:28:24

Colt Johnson

And my father was a little bit older, so we didn’t really have a lot. We’d go outside, play catch here and there. We played actually a lot of video games. I was out there playing like Super Mario and racing games and shit, but he worked a lot. He had a very stressful job. He he was in commissions, he sold cars and RV’s and stuff.

 

00:46:28:24 – 00:46:48:10

Colt Johnson

So it was kind of stressful because we didn’t have a lot of money. Sometimes he didn’t make any money, so it was kind of like, so that was a lot of points attention from my parents. So and when he did have free time, he didn’t really want to do anything, I guess. Look at it now. You call it introverted, you know, depression, you know, you have words for these type of things, you know.

 

00:46:48:25 – 00:46:54:21

Colt Johnson

But back then, I don’t talk about it. You just you have whatever crappy illness and.

 

00:46:55:13 – 00:47:01:17

Brad Singletary

But he was he would go to work and but he was kind of spent after that and have a lot of energy for. Yeah home life after between.

 

00:47:01:17 – 00:47:20:02

Colt Johnson

The stresses of the job community and coming home, you know, he’d eat, you know, watch television or whatever, maybe watch a movie, hang out. But, you know, and but we even when we traveled, like I went a lot of vacations for my mom, only he didn’t he didn’t like to fly at all. He would not fly. He refused to fly here.

 

00:47:20:14 – 00:47:33:22

Colt Johnson

All that experience growing up with some phobia. So that’s his brother, stepbrother, one of them. He was in a he was a pilot and he was in an airplane. Took my dad up was like ten years old or something. And it was kind of doing tricks and shit and, you know.

 

00:47:33:28 – 00:47:34:05

Brad Singletary

He was.

 

00:47:34:05 – 00:47:43:25

Colt Johnson

Scared of he would not get the airplane out of after that. So. Wow. So he’s afraid of heights. Basically. He couldn’t even be like in a hotel, like on the top floor. He’d freak out jet so.

 

00:47:44:23 – 00:47:48:15

Brad Singletary

So he wouldn’t go on trips. What about other things in barbecue?

 

00:47:48:16 – 00:48:08:18

Colt Johnson

Sometimes? Well, he so my parents were not social butterflies at all. Like, I didn’t they didn’t go on dates at all. They didn’t even growing up, I never saw them go on dates and and how many friends any host parties and it I thought that was normal once the fuck do I know. But yeah looking back that to me that’s not, that’s not really.

 

00:48:09:01 – 00:48:16:27

Brad Singletary

Why do you think they didn’t was that just introversion was it just being private people was or it’s.

 

00:48:16:27 – 00:48:38:12

Colt Johnson

Weird because I look at pictures of my parents before they had me and I see them you out socializing, drinking? Well, my dad did stop drinking when I was born. He was he was an alcoholic. So. Okay, I went. So I was a couple of years old and he went to a okay, got some help and actually went to Scientology.

 

00:48:38:26 – 00:48:39:15

Brad Singletary

Oh, wow.

 

00:48:39:28 – 00:49:00:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah. Back before it was cool. But yeah, he came home with a copy of Dianetics and I was like five years old and I helped him get off the sauce. So yeah, I don’t know how old buddy he went in there and San Francisco, Oakland or something at the time when you have any money. And they helped him out for some reason.

 

00:49:00:08 – 00:49:09:19

Colt Johnson

So so that that I don’t know if, if my father just needed a source to feel like to be like this social butterfly. Nothing for like the, you know.

 

00:49:09:21 – 00:49:11:11

Brad Singletary

The little liquid courage.

 

00:49:11:11 – 00:49:29:22

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And, and he kind of had a falling, like after I was born. He, you know, because of his drinking, he was he was a manager, you know, and a car dealership or whatever. But because of his drinking, I fired. We lost a bunch of stuff, lost our house, whatever we had. So we had to move into like this essentially like converted garage, right?

 

00:49:29:22 – 00:49:59:01

Colt Johnson

I was like four years old at the time, living in Hayward, the Oakland area down there. So as like my dad or my mother’s friend, that was like just like ghetto apartment. Not really, but ah. So this my father was unemployed. My mother’s working in like, you know, the diner as a waitress or whatever, right? Yeah So and I just felt like my, my father, my mother just had this from that point on, they always had these fights.

 

00:49:59:01 – 00:50:17:25

Colt Johnson

Like he wasn’t providing enough. My mother always. I mean, now I know she has a sense of security problem. Like she always needs to feel like she I mean, as humans do, obviously, we all need to feel a sense of security. But I do feel like she worries a lot and she projects a lot and she always worries about money.

 

00:50:17:25 – 00:50:37:04

Colt Johnson

And she’s not my parents are never great with money or, you know, investors or anything. They blow money as soon as they get it. So they fight a lot about money. And growing up, I always absorbed that I was on the corner. You know, like the tree. And they worry about money or they worry about whatever. And then I was just there absorbing that influence.

 

00:50:37:23 – 00:50:57:04

Colt Johnson

And because they weren’t sociable, of course, I wasn’t sociable. So and then I lived in an apartment most of my childhood, or we couldn’t go outside. We weren’t kids were frowned upon for going outside to play, you know, being have a yard or anything. Right. And most of my friends lived in other, other places. My mother was like, You’re not going to go ride a bike or anything.

 

00:50:57:04 – 00:50:58:28

Colt Johnson

You know, she’s not going to do anything just.

 

00:50:58:28 – 00:50:59:27

Brad Singletary

Too scared for you.

 

00:51:00:03 – 00:51:17:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So that’s another thing. I have this overprotective mother. So growing up, I was always, if I want to go anywhere, you know, mother would come with me, you know? So that’s something you always want as a kid, you know? I want to go help my friend or whatever. I don’t know. It was just it was just a antisocial thing that we kind of had.

 

00:51:17:07 – 00:51:36:10

Colt Johnson

We were just hanging out as a family and eventually, as time went on, my father stopped participating. Like we’d go to, like the zoo or the camping or whatever, or like my father and my mother and I. But then as I got a little bit older, you know, early teens or whatever, my father just stopped participating more and more.

 

00:51:36:10 – 00:51:45:27

Colt Johnson

I don’t know. I just I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s the stress of life or marriage or whatever. I think I think just life kind of a them.

 

00:51:46:07 – 00:52:09:14

Brad Singletary

I bet they both had some trauma that, you know, affected comfort level just being out in public even you know that’s one of the things that goes along with that is just hypervigilance and fear. And if they had difficult things, if he’s going through foster care or whatever he had, you know, whatever was happening for him. And then your mom, I think you mentioned that, you know, she had some she had a tough existence, too.

 

00:52:09:14 – 00:52:33:01

Colt Johnson

Oh, yeah. My mother definitely had a tough life, both her and my father. So I think that just kind of reflects in both of them. And growing up, I think I was imprinted on me. I think I spent most of my life growing up feeling emotions of fear or anxiety or loss because of my parents, because that was the only that was the only thing on flavor.

 

00:52:33:01 – 00:52:50:03

Colt Johnson

Like my parents were never they never kissed each other in front of me. They never hugged each other. Wow. So, I mean, you know, I guess like when my mother or whatever, you know, but it always is fake that thing too. It wasn’t fake. It was just this like, surface level thing.

 

00:52:50:06 – 00:52:51:19

Brad Singletary

Like they were roommates or something.

 

00:52:51:19 – 00:53:09:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah, it was surface. Yeah, they were roommates. And even like, the way my parents would show love to me was kind of like that level too. Like, it was very much like, I love you. Cool. Whatever. Here’s a toy, you know? Of course I love you. Even like the hugs and stuff, it was just very much felt like it was very much superficial.

 

00:53:09:15 – 00:53:39:29

Colt Johnson

Superficial. Yeah, exactly. So, like, you have to imagine these to me feel like very not real emotions or emotions are very thin. And then you have these hyper and very much crying sense of fear about money, about your mom. About my mom. Yeah, my mom crying about being like of like month rent or my dad worrying about not being able to sell our or my dad’s problems with marriage or or whatever.

 

00:53:39:29 – 00:53:56:20

Colt Johnson

Right. So these are the real emotion I felt day in, day out. And I had no escape from it because then, then, you know, like I said, I was home school. So I just took this is just extension of my life. Even as a teenager, I didn’t go out any how many friends and then how a girl sane at 17 years old.

 

00:53:57:09 – 00:53:58:21

Colt Johnson

18 years old. I don’t know.

 

00:54:00:15 – 00:54:18:26

Brad Singletary

So, man, there was all this, like not talking. People just didn’t do it as much back in those days. Oh, but it sounds like your family was pretty private. We didn’t really deal with the emotional stuff. And now you’re going out. You’re talking about your your life, your relationships, your sex life. Every single part of your world. And even her, too, right?

 

00:54:18:26 – 00:54:19:23

Brad Singletary

She was on the show.

 

00:54:20:04 – 00:54:38:23

Colt Johnson

My mother. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So it’s funny because like when I went to college, it was me kind of reintroducing myself to society, right? Because I was going, I hadn’t really done anything. I dropped out of school and I was, you know, in elementary school and in between then and college. I was 23. I didn’t really do a whole lot besides stay at home.

 

00:54:40:08 – 00:54:59:03

Colt Johnson

So me going back to school was me learning how to be sociable. So learned to be sociable, to learn about like who or who am I to other people, you know, do I live with my mother as something even that I that’s something I wanted to talk about. I never told anyone. I lived with my mother and didn’t say anything about my mother.

 

00:54:59:03 – 00:55:02:22

Colt Johnson

I never induced my mother to any of my friends I had in my life.

 

00:55:02:22 – 00:55:15:12

Brad Singletary

I would say I’m curious about that, about why? Because maybe that maybe nowadays it would be seen differently. But I wonder what. Just shame. Embarrassing. Yeah, but I love that, you know, big boys don’t do. I mean what?

 

00:55:15:16 – 00:55:39:29

Colt Johnson

Everything. Everything you said. Shame, embarrassment. I should, you know, I. I didn’t want I mean, I knew it was a weakness, I mean, or perceived as a weakness, I suppose. And it was definitely I guess. I mean, now looking back, I can tell you it was just I wasn’t on shore footing with myself and I couldn’t articulate as to why I’ve always lived with my mother in my entire life.

 

00:55:40:03 – 00:56:02:08

Colt Johnson

And I just I knew it wasn’t something that I wanted, but I didn’t know why I didn’t want it if it was the only thing I ever knew. So but when I was starting to, you know, making new friends in my, you know, thirties or twenties, I and I just didn’t talk about my mother. I just didn’t I was just very private person, you know, very didn’t talk about anything in my life.

 

00:56:02:18 – 00:56:04:17

Colt Johnson

But then and then the show comes along.

 

00:56:06:14 – 00:56:08:24

Brad Singletary

And they see you live together. You got the cats.

 

00:56:09:02 – 00:56:20:01

Colt Johnson

And then everything is exposed. My mother, we have we have one car. My mother drives me to work right. That, that’s something I didn’t, I didn’t want to tell people. Mm. And we shared a vehicle because I didn’t have any money other than money.

 

00:56:20:01 – 00:56:26:24

Brad Singletary

So when you’re just making life work, but there’s all this, this fear of how people would interpret that or something.

 

00:56:26:24 – 00:56:45:05

Colt Johnson

And I mean, I know that’s not that’s not I mean, it’s a weakness to me. I feel weakness. Therefore, it would be perceived as a weakness to other people, me not having my independence, my own freedom, my own liberties, having the clutch aid assistance, burden of whatever, you know, did you.

 

00:56:45:05 – 00:56:47:15

Brad Singletary

Ever try to break out? Did you ever almost do it?

 

00:56:47:15 – 00:56:48:13

Colt Johnson

Did you almost did it?

 

00:56:48:21 – 00:56:50:04

Brad Singletary

And what tell me about that. I was.

 

00:56:50:04 – 00:57:12:11

Colt Johnson

Graduating college. I was 29 years old, aspiring for, I guess, an opportunity to move to California, Los Angeles area, to work at a company to call of duty with my best friend. Wow was an internship, though, so I wasn’t getting paid a lot of money, you know? So the idea was I would go live with him, you know, on his couch or whatever, and compete with him.

 

00:57:12:11 – 00:57:16:16

Colt Johnson

And, you know, after that period I’d be hired on potentially and whatever.

 

00:57:16:16 – 00:57:17:04

Brad Singletary

Right, right.

 

00:57:17:15 – 00:57:43:26

Colt Johnson

But my mother wasn’t working at the time, so, so like I had to get a job that paid well and she didn’t have a job or prospects and she didn’t make enough money to really support herself in a in the lifestyle that she wanted, you know, unless she was comfortable there, she didn’t want to, like, have a roommate or living in subsidized housing or, or or live with family members.

 

00:57:44:01 – 00:58:06:06

Colt Johnson

She liked having her own house even though she shared the house with me. It was still her house, you know, because she had she was on a lease. He had a key that, you know, whatever liberties. So I tried I talked about her do going away and she said, oh, go ahead, you know, it’s fine. But she never said not to go, but she never gave me a reason to go.

 

00:58:06:06 – 00:58:22:08

Colt Johnson

Like, it was just like lack of encouragement. Lack of it was just like it just it was just like this obligation that was there. But she always found a way to just to not let me go. And I just there left.

 

00:58:22:08 – 00:58:44:00

Brad Singletary

What I’m hearing there is that could have been like silence or even maybe just the feeling you’ve been you’re so attuned to her, maybe almost kind of sounds like almost kind of surrogate, you know, husband or something, in a way. Yeah. And like, you know, just meaning that she that was the attachment for her, you know, that you were her person really in life, you’re the one that she hugs.

 

00:58:44:00 – 00:58:46:25

Brad Singletary

She’s not hugging your dad or whatever or he’s gone by that time.

 

00:58:47:04 – 00:59:04:05

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So my father died. I was 23, 22 years old. So, you know, my twenties basically, you know, my, my mother and I, I mean, my mother worked and I went to college basically. That was that was the deal, you know, so which.

 

00:59:04:06 – 00:59:08:16

Brad Singletary

Totally makes sense, which totally seems reasonable and totally healthy and normal.

 

00:59:08:22 – 00:59:28:24

Colt Johnson

Actually, we were pretty much disconnected. We really didn’t interact too much. She’d take me to school. Even then, I didn’t learn how to drive till I was, you know, like 28 years old or so. So it’s all right. Yeah. A little late bloomer I got there. I tried. Well, I tried to learn my dad first, right? But then I got a lot of anxiety.

 

00:59:28:24 – 00:59:31:22

Colt Johnson

And then later on with my mother and me tell you I cannot drive with my mother.

 

00:59:32:18 – 00:59:34:23

Brad Singletary

She’s like, that’s why she’s driving you around.

 

00:59:34:27 – 00:59:56:03

Colt Johnson

Yeah, right. Yeah. You know, and that’s another thing, too, right? You know, is a sense of anxiety driving. And my mother kind of amplified that when I was with her. And instead of being sort of trying to fix that, it was just something that was left unsaid. So what happened? Well, my mother just drove me around for 20 years, you know what I mean?

 

00:59:56:03 – 01:00:13:15

Colt Johnson

It’s just, you know, I mean, just that’s fine. You know? I like that. Even though as a person, I should be like, no, that’s not fine. Eventually I did, and I learned. I learned I had a friend that taught me independently and I got my license and apparently and I surprised them with how I got my license, you know.

 

01:00:14:00 – 01:00:19:05

Colt Johnson

But so that’s what I mean by the lack of encouragement, lack of poor psych of.

 

01:00:19:06 – 01:00:28:00

Brad Singletary

She was not pushing you out unless she her words might have been, you know, kind and affirming in a way. But you knew really, she didn’t want you to go?

 

01:00:28:01 – 01:00:28:11

Colt Johnson

No.

 

01:00:28:11 – 01:00:29:29

Brad Singletary

You you felt she did not want you to go?

 

01:00:29:29 – 01:00:47:26

Colt Johnson

No, at all. And especially after my father passed, you know, she was comfortable and she had a part in it. She had someone there and now I think it’s just about security, you know, not being homeless. And I mean, no one wants that. But at the same time, I think she has this doubt in herself where she can provide for herself.

 

01:00:47:26 – 01:01:07:08

Colt Johnson

And that’s just something that she she grew up with or whatever. So she needed the help of a primarily of a man, but maybe initially it was her mom or something. But, you know, whether it was a boyfriend or husband or me. Yeah. She latched on to to that that that anchor would be fine as long as there’s a someone with me.

 

01:01:08:10 – 01:01:13:14

Brad Singletary

So. So you didn’t go work on Call of Duty? Hung around for a while. And then in.

 

01:01:13:14 – 01:01:13:25

Colt Johnson

Seattle.

 

01:01:14:07 – 01:01:21:25

Brad Singletary

And that’s where you were till you moved to Vegas. You meet Larissa, you’re on a show. 30 million people are looking at your kitchen, in your bedroom, and you’re.

 

01:01:21:25 – 01:01:25:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah, watching my mother make me breakfast. Take me to work every day.

 

01:01:25:10 – 01:01:44:10

Brad Singletary

Okay. And so what kind of messaging did you start to get from people? Because, you know, we’ve done a lot on the show about masculinity and really the the audience and the intended effort here is to is to help men kind of strengthen themselves and grow up and mature. And I wonder what kind of hate mail and you are.

 

01:01:44:24 – 01:01:48:22

Brad Singletary

People were saying to you like, oh, mama’s boy, what kind of things were.

 

01:01:49:06 – 01:01:52:29

Colt Johnson

Oh, boy, that’s like one of the better ones. What do you want to start alphabetically, maybe?

 

01:01:52:29 – 01:01:54:17

Brad Singletary

Yeah, go for it. Just ramble them.

 

01:01:54:18 – 01:02:05:00

Colt Johnson

I mean, there were some nice messages. I’m not going to lie, you know, flattering ones. But, you know, mostly my cats or mostly out of the certain demographic that love that loves me.

 

01:02:05:00 – 01:02:05:15

Brad Singletary

Okay.

 

01:02:05:26 – 01:02:11:02

Colt Johnson

They yell at you and they’re seen as well, maybe, but for bad reasons from.

 

01:02:11:03 – 01:02:11:27

Brad Singletary

Moms.

 

01:02:11:27 – 01:02:18:01

Colt Johnson

Moms or people that just love cats. You know, there’s a certain people, certain terrorist acts that really.

 

01:02:18:01 – 01:02:19:13

Brad Singletary

Draw them in. Cat moms.

 

01:02:19:13 – 01:02:41:23

Colt Johnson

Yeah, something like that. But and there’s but most people look at me and they see someone they don’t like or they see someone that is obnoxious to their own self. I mean, if you look at me, you know, I, I don’t look like a typical person that would date anybody like that or someone that would be considered beyond my league.

 

01:02:41:24 – 01:02:42:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:02:42:01 – 01:02:43:22

Brad Singletary

Your wife is way hotter than you.

 

01:02:44:11 – 01:02:53:19

Colt Johnson

In the last few. Well, even before that, I still kind of did, at least above my grade level. I like to think so to some degree, but definitely after the.

 

01:02:53:19 – 01:02:54:29

Brad Singletary

That’s Alpha right there. I see.

 

01:02:55:02 – 01:03:16:19

Colt Johnson

Definitely after the television thing. But I don’t know, it’s just that that wasn’t it. It was funny like I always knew. You look at me, I knew my weakness, physical weakness, you know, look at me. I have weight problems, loose skin. You know, I got you know, I got some breast tissue issues here. You know, it mostly. So even growing up my weight, I weigh problems.

 

01:03:16:19 – 01:03:40:27

Colt Johnson

I grew up, I was like 300 some pounds at one point and ballooned up and down. Ballooned up. I was like Christian Bale, but not really doing it for a role. Just just fucking my life out. But, you know, so I was emotional eater so that unfortunately had bad effect on me. And even still growing up, I never had positive habits, you know, like my dad, you know, he do some dumbbells or whatever.

 

01:03:40:27 – 01:03:58:11

Colt Johnson

But like, you know, I never exercise, never. So I just never picked up on it, you know, and not going to school. I never like went to gym or whatever. Anyway, I can took a gym I don’t want that is, you know, growing up, you know, run around or whatever bleachers or whatever. So I just never had the body or whatever.

 

01:03:58:11 – 01:04:10:25

Colt Johnson

And I knew that. I knew I could never attract women physically. So but emotionally, you know, I can connect with people. At the end of the day, people just want to feel a connection with. And if they can do that, it doesn’t matter what you look like.

 

01:04:10:29 – 01:04:24:03

Brad Singletary

I hear women all the time say, I mean, five times a day. Women say it’s not about physical attraction. He’s, you know, he’s an asshole or he’s he’s whatever he’s this or that they’re complaining about their man is usually not it’s usually not about their looks.

 

01:04:24:03 – 01:04:51:04

Colt Johnson

You know, you want to know. It is it’s simple women. I mean, physical attraction, I think is is a reflection or result from emotion. They want to feel certain things, either this connection or this this intense, you know, attentive nature that they never felt from somebody. Or they want to they want to be like like ignored or they want to spark some kind of emotion.

 

01:04:51:04 – 01:04:53:25

Colt Johnson

And that’s emotion that you chase. Right?

 

01:04:54:10 – 01:05:01:08

Brad Singletary

There you go, guys. You see those guys out there? Seduction one on one right there. Make her feel something and she’ll be attracted to you.

 

01:05:01:08 – 01:05:13:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah It makes her feel something. That’s a thing, right? You have to stand out. You have to feel. You have to make her feel something, whatever that is, and then keep her interest in that way. And then the the attraction will stem from that.

 

01:05:14:19 – 01:05:15:15

Brad Singletary

You’re good looking, dude.

 

01:05:15:15 – 01:05:34:26

Colt Johnson

I’m not trying to thank you. I think you’re good, too, but I know I’m not going to say I’m like an ogre or a troll. I should be living under the bridge or the Hoover Dam or something. But you know, and I definitely feel like I should definitely need to take better care of myself. I mean, I’ve actually lost a little bit of weight since I first started.

 

01:05:34:27 – 01:05:45:15

Brad Singletary

You look good, man. You look good. Yeah. So when I first met. Yeah. So you were talking about you use a lot of these a lot of your fan ads. Are these mom these mothering, nurturing types?

 

01:05:45:28 – 01:05:46:12

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:05:47:20 – 01:06:09:17

Brad Singletary

Also, too, you said something about you said that about Wal-Mart. People are recognizing more Wal Mart than like higher end stores or whatever. But when after this, the one little episode that you and that I was part of with you guys, like 20 people called me, reached out to me and they and I noticed they were the bride.

 

01:06:09:20 – 01:06:32:03

Brad Singletary

They’re all women, but they were the brightest women. I know one’s a surgeon. One, you know, like high attorneys, you know, like people that are just very brilliant. People are watching. And they say it’s, you know, this is their dirty pleasure, these shows or whatever. But I haven’t seen all of those seasons and all those episodes, but it’s a it’s a fascinating thing.

 

01:06:32:03 – 01:06:39:14

Brad Singletary

Anyway, we got off track here. What were we talking about? I wanted to go back to with your father’s passing, that was your early twenties or.

 

01:06:39:14 – 01:06:41:01

Colt Johnson

Something that 22.

 

01:06:41:01 – 01:06:45:08

Brad Singletary

How did he act? As you mentioned, he wasn’t that healthy or involved in stuff. What? How did he.

 

01:06:45:15 – 01:07:08:07

Colt Johnson

So my father never took good care of himself. He was overweight. Eight, eight sweets, chocolates. He didn’t exercise. He smoked a lot. You know, before that, I like I said, he was alcoholic. So he was just one train wreck after the next, basically. So one day I was I went on my day or whatever and he called me on the phone and he said he wasn’t feeling good.

 

01:07:08:18 – 01:07:25:09

Colt Johnson

You know, I should come home. And I said, okay, but I was with my girlfriend at the time. We’re running errands and I forgot about it. So at the time, my mother and my father were living in an apartment and my girlfriend and I were living next door. Basically, I was living not with my mother, but whatever.

 

01:07:25:09 – 01:07:26:10

Brad Singletary

Right literally next door.

 

01:07:26:10 – 01:07:45:16

Colt Johnson

Literally next door. So anyway, so, so I got the call and then I, I don’t, I just don’t think much of it or whatever and then go home on the day. And then I go home with my girlfriend and then we go in our apartment and we have dinner or whatever. Lunch I remember. I still don’t think I forgot about my dad or whatever.

 

01:07:45:28 – 01:08:00:15

Colt Johnson

And they actually go over to the apartment because my girlfriend needed like some pepper or some kind of something from the house or something, something. So I go over there and then on the floor with my dad. My dad, and he’s dead.

 

01:08:01:01 – 01:08:05:07

Brad Singletary

Oh, my gosh. You’re the one who found him. Yeah. Oh, wow.

 

01:08:05:07 – 01:08:15:29

Colt Johnson

And I just knew immediately because I, you know, he’s he’s not the right color. He’s by that time, he’s purple, you know, just a earth on living color, basically.

 

01:08:15:29 – 01:08:17:27

Brad Singletary

How much time are we talking here?

 

01:08:17:27 – 01:08:30:14

Colt Johnson

Like 4 hours, maybe. I was I want to say it was like 11:00 is when he called me and then and then talking about to like three or so. I mean, so that that was hard, right?

 

01:08:31:00 – 01:08:45:16

Brad Singletary

Oh, my gosh. Well, to lose your father is hard. To find him in that way is hard to be involved. And he was calling to say he wasn’t feeling it earlier. That’s hard. There’s layers of layers of like trauma in that.

 

01:08:45:27 – 01:09:07:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So I blame myself lot initially for that. Like what if I just came home, you know, I could have called the paramedics or. My dad was a stubborn old fire convict. I needed, like, doctors, you know, whatever he he he literally, you know, he had a choice to call neither one or call me. He told me, you know, you should call the ambulance.

 

01:09:07:15 – 01:09:20:19

Colt Johnson

That was his that was his choice. And unfortunately, I took that as my, my, my fault, my oh, dude, I fell on that sword for, for a few months or a few years, I guess. So it was hard to live with.

 

01:09:21:12 – 01:09:29:03

Brad Singletary

Did you ever do anything with that? Did you ever come off of that sword? I mean, did did you like it’s still there?

 

01:09:29:13 – 01:09:45:07

Colt Johnson

Well, I pulled I pulled that story out of me. You know, like I said, you know, my father had his choice. He could have called paramedic. He could have done anything himself. You know, like I said, hey, I think I’m having a heart attack. I’m home immediately or whatever, you know? And at the end of the day, I.

 

01:09:45:23 – 01:10:06:08

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I could have done something differently. But, you know, like I said, he didn’t take care of himself. You know, he could have gone to doctors more or less, you know. But at the time let me tell you, I think I was at such an emotional deficit between everything in my life that I would take on negative emotions just to feel things.

 

01:10:07:13 – 01:10:32:28

Colt Johnson

And that’s something that I’ve always done. So the passing of my father, giving it all I can feel this guilt of my father’s passing and I’m directly responsible. That’s like a whole bunch of feelings I can absorb and feel like shit, but it’s something, and that’s just something that I just naturally collected. And it’s just a horror. That’s just how I live my life, unfortunately.

 

01:10:32:28 – 01:10:37:29

Colt Johnson

And now that I’m older, I don’t do that. But I’m finding that there’s not a lot there anymore.

 

01:10:38:21 – 01:10:58:22

Brad Singletary

MAN Holy cow. I can’t even imagine that. I wonder if your if that that piece of the if those facts went into the ongoing relationship with your mom, you know, so now she’s a widow. She’s really alone. She’s a widow. She’s honorable in many ways, financially and everything else.

 

01:10:58:22 – 01:11:21:22

Colt Johnson

She grew up in a time when women were not independent. She always she wanted to be like a cop or something. She was frowned upon, you know? You know, you’re a housewife, don’t have aspirations, life, unfortunately. So she unfortunately, she just didn’t or could not feel like she could take on the burden of having to raise it and be taking care of herself or being by herself.

 

01:11:21:22 – 01:11:39:23

Colt Johnson

I don’t think she ever was by herself. I think she kind of went her and her mom were very close growing up. They worked together. They would share the apartment together. I think they were actually really close, probably. I think they best friends and I think my mother thought that I think my mother wanted to totter maybe.

 

01:11:40:05 – 01:11:47:29

Brad Singletary

Well and well in either way. That was that’s what love was. Spend all your time together, become best friends. Right that’s that was her modeling.

 

01:11:47:29 – 01:11:48:21

Colt Johnson

Of that was her.

 

01:11:48:22 – 01:11:51:13

Brad Singletary

Wanting and that was what she thought that was supposed.

 

01:11:51:13 – 01:12:11:13

Colt Johnson

To be. So She said, Well, that’s how Mom loved me. That’s how I love my my boy. But that’s not what her boy wanted. And or maybe it was best for him. Like, my first day, a kindergarten, right? Like I cried, right? Like, Oh, my God. For, say, most parents, I would say or deal with that son, you know, come back later.

 

01:12:11:25 – 01:12:40:23

Colt Johnson

My mother says, I’ll volunteer. She became like a house mother or PTA volunteer, right. Every day. Like she she had no she didn’t have a career. He didn’t have friends. She didn’t hobbies. You know, she didn’t nothing, you know, for her. Take me to school, volunteer the school, be around me. This is till you know, my my primary school or elementary school years up until I dropped out.

 

01:12:41:15 – 01:13:00:16

Brad Singletary

And you would look at that on the outside and say, well, that’s kind of cute, you know to me to come why she loves her boy like how involved she’s very engaged. She’s going to the school. She’s participating and that’s all good when we’re talking about kindergarten but it but it just that was how it really was all the way through.

 

01:13:00:16 – 01:13:17:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah. And that’s on the show too. And people, it’s funny because a lot of fans say now like, oh, I love the reaction we have with your mother. They think we’re super tight. Like we share everything together, you know, like we’re best friends. And the opposite is actually true. We’re not. We don’t get along and all we have nothing in common.

 

01:13:17:20 – 01:13:41:21

Colt Johnson

Everything’s very awkward. We don’t have any relationship whatsoever. Less. I’m more like, Can I get you something, Mother? Do you need anything? You know? And that’s the extent of my relationship with her. And so it’s like growing up, I think she was just always attentive to me. She felt like she had to be there to help me, and that was our relationship.

 

01:13:41:21 – 01:13:44:12

Colt Johnson

And as I got older, I kind of took on more of that role.

 

01:13:44:14 – 01:13:47:14

Brad Singletary

It switched where I became the caretaker.

 

01:13:47:14 – 01:13:47:27

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:13:47:27 – 01:13:53:04

Brad Singletary

Was there any, any like part of the timeline when that started to happen?

 

01:13:53:05 – 01:14:12:17

Colt Johnson

Oh, I definitely. Last four years coming to Vegas, she she didn’t have, you know, her current. She, she has her retirement from her or my dad or whatever, national security, which is not a lot. Right, right. So she had more she began to be like, you know, Somalia later, kid.

 

01:14:13:11 – 01:14:30:01

Brad Singletary

So you’re being together all the time was just a matter of kind of convenience, just made sense. It’s almost like husbands and wives who stay living together for a year after their divorce because it’s just cheaper. They need to do it that way. Essentially, you just had to do it for the practical sense it.

 

01:14:30:06 – 01:14:56:08

Colt Johnson

Well, yeah, so there’s that, there’s the economical sense of that actually if you want to go even more crazy I would say we have with that but my that my one relationship I had actually most of my relationships this is girlfriend I had this before Larissa and she was living with my mother and I this is after my father and I wasn’t in love with her as this is after like a year or so living together and whatever.

 

01:14:56:08 – 01:15:19:06

Colt Johnson

And she wanted to get married and, you know, start a family or whatever. I just wasn’t feeling it. That was in school. But her, the girl, she was working, so she was paying, subsidizing some of the bills and everything. And finally, we just had this huge fight and, you know, and my mother freaked out even though, like, I’m white, my mother freaking out that my girlfriend and I are fighting right.

 

01:15:19:06 – 01:15:31:13

Colt Johnson

Because she’s afraid that the money from my girlfriend will go away because she’ll move out because we broke up and it will be enough money to live there and when. And she’ll be homeless.

 

01:15:33:00 – 01:15:51:23

Brad Singletary

Wow. So that you’re you’re speaking to something that. I mean, that sounds ridiculous. That sounds awful. But really, it’s coming down to this sense of security that she she was very sensitive to feeling secure and like everything’s going to be okay in of our, like, the needs, you know, food, shelter.

 

01:15:51:26 – 01:15:52:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:15:52:07 – 01:15:54:13

Brad Singletary

So everybody get along. That was important, right?

 

01:15:54:20 – 01:16:13:13

Colt Johnson

And so like I told, I talked to my mother before I, said, I don’t love this person, I don’t want to live with her. And she told me basically, well, we need her money. You know, think about that. Think about your security. Think about stay in school, you know, whatever. Don’t think about how I feel. So she here?

 

01:16:13:15 – 01:16:36:11

Colt Johnson

Basically, my mother. My mother is telling my face, you’re what you feel. Doesn’t matter. Her sense of security or fears of being homeless is more important than my lack of love or interest in this woman. So I have to pretend that I feel something or love and live this half lie giddy at me every day so that my mother doesn’t freak out and be crazy at me.

 

01:16:36:11 – 01:16:41:19

Colt Johnson

So I have this weird sense of, I don’t know, obligation, pain.

 

01:16:41:19 – 01:16:57:22

Brad Singletary

Yeah. I mean, that sounds like a pivotal experience when you hear her say that. That’s both an indicator of what she had needed and felt all along. And then also in the future, that was maybe the expectation. Then you went, What, ten more years doing that or something?

 

01:16:57:22 – 01:17:19:04

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I did that for a couple of more years of that, but it was always kind of like that, right? It was always like do it because there’s no what? Like you wouldn’t want your mother homeless. Like, my mother could live by herself any time. Like right now. She could, she could, but but it just it’s just not it’s just not there like her.

 

01:17:19:04 – 01:17:44:07

Colt Johnson

Like she’s always paid tailed off my life. Whether she gets to drive me to school all day, she volunteers she she goes to work so that I could go to school at college. Right. But then after that ended, her role became, well, I’m retired now and that’s fine, but Even still, like, her life kind of just stopped. She didn’t have any hobbies, no friends, nothing to take over from her responsibility of being my mother or.

 

01:17:44:14 – 01:17:47:04

Colt Johnson

Or the higher functioning person in my life.

 

01:17:48:13 – 01:17:59:17

Brad Singletary

So even though you’re saying you didn’t have the greatest friendship or whatever, do you think she’d lean on you? She just needed you to fill some time, and you needed you to be a companion in a way.

 

01:17:59:17 – 01:18:18:11

Colt Johnson

Like, Oh, yeah, I was. Whatever my mother needed, it’s like, it’s funny. A lot of my my friends or my interests and even that would be on the show. Like my mother is on the show now. She’s a she has her own show. She’s season two on the single life. I was on season one, you know, but now she’s she started out as like this secondary guest character.

 

01:18:18:11 – 01:18:39:14

Colt Johnson

They didn’t even know they wanted to have her on the show. And she became very popular. It is testament to her character, but she became her own character. But it’s like she’s always just kind of just grabbed on to whatever I was doing, like my relationship with my ex-wife. Like they friends, like they always kind of just insert herself in whatever I’m doing or for.

 

01:18:39:16 – 01:18:58:25

Colt Johnson

If I have friends, then she talks to them and then she kind of puts me down in front of them to feel good about herself because she needs to feel like she’s a higher functioning person. And I’m just the boy. I’m just I can’t. I always make a mess I can’t. I don’t know much. Basically is is the relationship that my mother and I have.

 

01:18:59:02 – 01:19:06:00

Colt Johnson

That’s how that’s how our interaction is in public or public facing in, you know, in reality, basically.

 

01:19:07:04 – 01:19:09:25

Brad Singletary

MAN So where does it stand now between you two?

 

01:19:11:04 – 01:19:43:21

Colt Johnson

This not much. I’m not going to like we go back and forth. Well, it’s it’s kind of it’s back and forth. I definitely feel like we don’t have a particular good place. We exchange texts, you know, we have dinner here and there. But we don’t really we don’t have a relationship. There’s nothing meaningful there. I, I can tell her, you know, I’m depressed, my work or I’m having a hard time in my life or whatever.

 

01:19:43:21 – 01:20:07:11

Colt Johnson

But she won’t have anything to share with me to like. It’s not that she just can’t relate or can’t like she says she’s sorry or you know, or she feels bad or you know, I’m sure I’ll figure it out. It’s just there’s just nothing there. And I don’t know why. I don’t know even how to articulate it in a way.

 

01:20:07:11 – 01:20:11:21

Colt Johnson

It just feels like there’s it’s like you’re talking to someone that’s just existing.

 

01:20:12:20 – 01:20:33:00

Brad Singletary

I often talk with people about you know, whether or not a person if someone’s not doing something we need, are they doing that because they can’t or because they won’t? You know they can or they won’t. They either can and refuse to. They’re withholding this thing and they’re keeping it from you. And I think almost no one does that.

 

01:20:33:27 – 01:20:54:29

Brad Singletary

And I think the reason people don’t act right and do what we think they should is because many times they can’t. Sure, you don’t know how. They never said those things. They haven’t really, you know, and I can just maybe picture with her. She’s not she’s she may not have just developed the ability to engage in that way.

 

01:20:54:29 – 01:21:07:00

Brad Singletary

You seem super willing to talk. You’re super willing to be open and share your feelings, really dig into things or whatever. I don’t know if all these bad women have taught you that or what, but.

 

01:21:08:26 – 01:21:25:14

Colt Johnson

I think I spend a lot of times hiding myself from the public. You know, like I said, I was kind of home schooled, wasn’t going out. So it’s kind of just I didn’t you know, even when I went to college, I didn’t talk about myself. I was very private. But then the show, I just let everything out and just everything the floodgates, everything.

 

01:21:25:14 – 01:21:26:06

Colt Johnson

Go, go, go.

 

01:21:26:16 – 01:21:48:16

Brad Singletary

See, man, I think there are some. I wonder if there’s some healing nature to that. I’ve actually had ideas about, you know, doing some of the work that I do with guys and record it and I don’t know, put it on YouTube or whatever. But anyway, I think people would be interested in the in the selfie generation that we’re in where people like to see themselves.

 

01:21:48:16 – 01:22:08:08

Brad Singletary

They, you know, they like to show their life. I think it allows people to be open. So you were this private person. You didn’t really go anywhere or do anything. You’re you and your mom and your dad were all very private. There was. And now all of a sudden, there’s 30 million people listening to your conversations.

 

01:22:08:18 – 01:22:10:25

Colt Johnson

Trade, exchanging my dick pics around.

 

01:22:10:25 – 01:22:31:23

Brad Singletary

Seriously. So, man, I just have a billion questions. But one here is was it helpful to open up and let all of that stuff be seen? Like you’re saying, you were ashamed that your mom would drive you to school to work, but now they’re showing this on the TV.

 

01:22:32:01 – 01:22:32:11

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:22:32:11 – 01:22:39:08

Brad Singletary

So was there something about releasing all that shame? I mean, you had to be shameless kind of to do that.

 

01:22:39:14 – 01:23:02:01

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I’m very shameless, let me tell you. But I know 100% like you have no idea what it’s like is like a burden. You know, you have this literally this cross, you bear, you hold on to it, and it’s something you carry for, in my case, my entire life, you know, and it’s a shame, sense of shame, sense of my life is wrong.

 

01:23:02:02 – 01:23:26:25

Colt Johnson

I’m I’m I’m less than someone that should be known. And I don’t want anyone to know me. And then unfortunately or fortunately, thankfully now because of the show, I it just all came out. I did it, I guess I initially didn’t really think all the way through terms of that, like letting everything out, you know, but one thing led to another.

 

01:23:26:25 – 01:23:44:01

Colt Johnson

And then once you have one thing out, you might as well just keep going. But I did. It’s you know, it’s like you let it all go and once it’s out, it’s out there, like, yeah, there’s this. I remember my first picture, my, my video of my, my member went out there, right? Everyone were making fun of her or whatever.

 

01:23:44:01 – 01:23:48:16

Colt Johnson

But they can only make fun of your dick so many times. And after.

 

01:23:48:19 – 01:23:50:14

Brad Singletary

Only so many words you can use with only.

 

01:23:50:14 – 01:24:16:01

Colt Johnson

So many words in the English, alphabet or any alphabet that can articulate what’s wrong with my dick. And let me tell you, I’ve read them all. So it’s a you know, one, you’re not going to shock me with anything until I’m flattered that people have this interest, even unfortunately, it’s just, you know, not glory compliment. But most people will not give you a compliment and they’ll give you an insult.

 

01:24:16:01 – 01:24:19:16

Colt Johnson

And, you know.

 

01:24:19:16 – 01:24:25:07

Brad Singletary

So there you have it, guys. You want to heal your shame, just put some dick pics out and you’ll get over it quick.

 

01:24:25:13 – 01:24:46:10

Colt Johnson

No, but like, it’s true, you know, if you lay all out people. I think this is also what really helps a lot of people’s health problems in life. Like, you know, your shame or things, you know, you don’t feel, you don’t, you know, other self esteem issues or you with your life, you just hide things. You hold on to things and and it’s just something you carry.

 

01:24:46:14 – 01:25:12:25

Colt Johnson

It’s like having the extra pounds, you know, I got extra pounds on me. It’s harder to breathe, you know, you shed those pounds, suddenly you have all this more stamina, you know, you feel more energetic. You want to go outside sunlight, everything feels better. And that’s how it is 100%. I will say this doing the show has helped me in many ways, not not in terms of being more famous or having more money or anything, or it’s just therapy.

 

01:25:13:06 – 01:25:19:09

Colt Johnson

It’s been therapy for me. It’s allowed me to examine myself, literally pausing, repeat, you know.

 

01:25:19:19 – 01:25:33:24

Brad Singletary

Like, what did you say? Like, I didn’t realize you were saying that your conversations are everything. You get to go back and watch. That’s what I mean about. Yeah, I think it must have been there must have been some real inner value way beyond notoriety and money and all that.

 

01:25:33:24 – 01:25:56:16

Colt Johnson

It’s even more than that, really. Like, you know, was going through my rebound, my girlfriend, the time I was having an affair with my friend. So I was in the sticky honey pot, you know, three way of lust and lies and deceit, you know, great television. But, you know, when I was filming it, you know, the producers, they were like, why are you doing this?

 

01:25:57:00 – 01:26:11:29

Colt Johnson

Why did you lie? Why are you why did you tell your girlfriend you love her? Why did you lie to her? It’s just and over and over again, you know, like it’s just something like you do a pickup scene. I do over and over again do another scene. Like, it’s like always question why this, why this, why this, why?

 

01:26:11:29 – 01:26:27:29

Colt Johnson

This is just something that over the course of several weeks or months, I mean, now at this point, years, it’s just. Yeah, why why did I do this? Why did I marry her? Why did I lie to her? Why am I this? Why? Why do I let my mother drive around? Why do I do any of this stuff?

 

01:26:28:17 – 01:26:39:16

Colt Johnson

Like I said, I live my whole life one way, very isolated as the only way you know how to live. You know, you never see corners in your life, you know, every depth perception. Mm. You don’t know any difference.

 

01:26:40:11 – 01:26:42:02

Brad Singletary

So isolation still.

 

01:26:42:09 – 01:26:57:08

Colt Johnson

Now. Not now, not while now I’m kind of a hermit, you know, lately, but definitely I all my secrets are out there in the public. I don’t hide anything anymore. I don’t. I mean, I’m. I’m boring. Now, let me tell you, even though I’m on television and all this.

 

01:26:57:20 – 01:27:14:19

Brad Singletary

But what about the you know, what about the occasional you know, you you’re you’re upset with someone. You’ve got to, you know, talk it over with a buddy. You go have a beer with somebody. I mean, do you have you have that’s just a big part of our message is that men need men. We need, you know, best friends.

 

01:27:14:19 – 01:27:21:27

Brad Singletary

We need little tribes. Oh, yeah. Someone told me reason I can’t I shouldn’t say tribe anymore since not native but anyway.

 

01:27:22:11 – 01:27:23:13

Colt Johnson

Definitely the pod.

 

01:27:23:28 – 01:27:30:21

Brad Singletary

Yes, a group of guys, you know, some some a gang, you know, some guys that kind of like have your back.

 

01:27:31:03 – 01:27:53:09

Colt Johnson

Yeah. You know, fortunately, I’ve had since moving to Vegas, I’ve had several opportunities to bond, to make friends. I have this lunch group that I meet. They’re all they’re all Vegas locals, a bunch of, you know, locals. They’re a bunch of typical Vegas local men, you know, actually older than I am. So it’s kind of I always got along.

 

01:27:53:09 – 01:28:12:20

Colt Johnson

People older than I am, I don’t know why. So we meet, well, once a week, have lunch, you know, they all bullshit about their entertainment lives, you know? And I’m like, I just sit there and just listen and just enjoy it because it’s just, you know, I just because they are very much typical, like manly men type of stuff, you know, performers or whatever.

 

01:28:12:20 – 01:28:32:25

Colt Johnson

So it’s kind of it’s just nice having that type of perspective, the type of exposure, you know, I’m not used to that. In addition to that, I do go to therapy, you know, and then outside of that, I do have this group of men that I meet every other week at night. It’s kind of like this therapy, kind of like check in session, like.

 

01:28:32:25 – 01:28:34:03

Brad Singletary

A meeting about your life.

 

01:28:34:03 – 01:28:53:16

Colt Johnson

Like, yeah, like a meeting, you know? How are we doing? What are we doing right now? What’s the problem? What can we do? You know, and just just having this thing where you can go and like a forum, you know, really, honestly and people listen. I think a lot of people get crazy in life and frustrated and they give up when you don’t have anybody that listens to them.

 

01:28:54:02 – 01:29:16:09

Colt Johnson

So having the opportunity that that chance in life to have a group of friends, you know, and in my case listen to problems that I just never have I never got exposure to. You know, growing up, I was always, you know, my mother was always one those around or you know, I was never really had in my life strong men in my life or any type of influence in my life at all.

 

01:29:16:09 – 01:29:24:12

Colt Johnson

That’s like that’s why I’m a basket case, really. So now having that is having that balance is definitely benefited me a lot.

 

01:29:25:09 – 01:29:44:15

Brad Singletary

So I want to hit this really hard for a few minutes here and we’ll wrap up before too long. But I just want to really hit just the exact things you’re talking about masculine development, the, you know, the development of your male identity, the things that the strong things that you did maybe pick up from your dad, what kinds of things you wish you had done more of.

 

01:29:44:29 – 01:29:52:21

Brad Singletary

And then even now, what kind of direction do you think your development as a man needs to go?

 

01:29:53:03 – 01:30:19:19

Colt Johnson

I think the first thing in my path, or course, towards manhood is learning to love myself, love I was chased either with my mother or a woman, was always the love I should have been giving to myself. So just being more appreciative, more knowledge in my own accomplishments in life is something that I’ve been trying to do to feel better about myself and also just having more ethics, sense of, you know, like I’m married now, I’m taking that very seriously.

 

01:30:19:19 – 01:30:41:05

Colt Johnson

I’m not fucking around, you know, I’m off social media. I’m not talking to girls. I’m always I’m taking them very seriously. Has a lot of weight to me. So sense is has weight to me is very important to me. I’m trying to build that. So having things like that sort of shy away from, you know, earthly temptation, surface level, you know, instant gratification thing, those things are very bad for you.

 

01:30:41:23 – 01:30:55:26

Colt Johnson

And honestly, at the end of day, it’s just filling my my emotions. But, you know, like I said, I used to gather up negative emotion just to just to have things inside now. Well, what can I do to generate real, real motions for myself?

 

01:30:56:05 – 01:30:56:21

Brad Singletary

Okay.

 

01:30:56:22 – 01:31:18:27

Colt Johnson

Right. Like my accomplishments, you know, if they’re minor, building up myself, you know, starting with just making your bed in the day or doing something at work or just as much as I can. And it’s reinforcing that you know, and I see it as funny in my boundaries with myself. Like I’ve just always been tagged, thrown around in whatever direction to get that love, to chase that, that next fix.

 

01:31:18:27 – 01:31:20:16

Brad Singletary

Do anything, some attention.

 

01:31:20:27 – 01:31:37:16

Colt Johnson

Do anything. Here’s my here’s my day care. I’ll tell you I love you. I’ll, I’ll I’ll be your errand boy or whatever. Done it over you. Just give me love and, you know, understanding my boundaries. And I do believe confidence is really a reflection of understanding your boundaries or lack thereof.

 

01:31:37:22 – 01:31:39:09

Brad Singletary

So the interesting.

 

01:31:39:19 – 01:31:59:20

Colt Johnson

I just I think that’s part of being more masculine or more confidence in yourself, more alpha is just being more confident in yourself, knowing yourself. And that’s all connected to the love and everything that you should be doing for yourself. Because if you’re relying on other people for that, then you’re not the master of your own destiny.

 

01:31:59:20 – 01:32:24:14

Brad Singletary

Man, that’s awesome. Just learning to love yourself. One of the programs that I really like, it’s a I won’t get into their whole program, but there there’s their solution to this set of problems that they say people have is to become your own loving parent, be your own, become your own dad, you know, become your own loving parent, become say the things to yourself that you needed said to you.

 

01:32:25:22 – 01:32:48:15

Brad Singletary

Say the things that you wish a loving parent would be like for you right now. And it sounds like this love and wait, what was that you said? Confidence is a reflection of your boundaries. That is so profound. I’m going to have to I’m going to have to study that a little bit and instill that. But that is, dude, confidence is a reflection of your boundaries.

 

01:32:48:15 – 01:32:57:23

Brad Singletary

What does what does that mean? It’s so killer. I love it. I think it’s right. I just it’s big at something. But I read book about that.

 

01:32:57:23 – 01:32:59:02

Colt Johnson

So yeah, you can take.

 

01:32:59:02 – 01:32:59:27

Brad Singletary

That one trade. Mark.

 

01:33:00:23 – 01:33:27:17

Colt Johnson

Just put me in your intro somewhere. Name me, misspell my name. But yeah, you know, I mean, I chased a lot of I just never grew up, you know, when I stopped going to school I stopped being I stopped my path towards being an adult or independent of human. I guess I just kind froze and that’s what it was.

 

01:33:27:17 – 01:33:50:29

Colt Johnson

My mother drove me to school then and she drove me to work in my, you know, my thirties as that was it. And it wasn’t until getting my, my own confident, wanting more, wanting to get out of that situation, you know, go and get my G.E.D. going to college then, you know, all that that really I guess just got me out of that.

 

01:33:51:04 – 01:33:51:24

Colt Johnson

Woke me up.

 

01:33:52:15 – 01:33:58:05

Brad Singletary

You’re kind of a miracle of a guy. I’m. I’m telling you, you dropped out of school in fifth grade.

 

01:33:58:09 – 01:33:59:12

Colt Johnson

I’m also a preemie.

 

01:34:00:04 – 01:34:01:15

Brad Singletary

Oh, God, it’s Phoebe.

 

01:34:01:15 – 01:34:03:23

Colt Johnson

I was a incubator for, like, a whole month.

 

01:34:03:23 – 01:34:21:06

Brad Singletary

Oh, okay. So already we’ve got low birth weight. We had premature birth is in the nick you for a long time. We’re in an incubator. You’ve really you really done some cool things, man. You you have a wonderful wife right now.

 

01:34:21:09 – 01:34:21:29

Colt Johnson

She’s great.

 

01:34:22:06 – 01:34:27:19

Brad Singletary

You’re taking strides in your career. You’ve been on TV for five freaking years.

 

01:34:27:20 – 01:34:28:25

Colt Johnson

It’s crazy. Just doesn’t.

 

01:34:28:25 – 01:34:47:22

Brad Singletary

Stop. And, you know, and that and that has helped you live in some way. I mean, that’s that’s been beneficial, not just for something cool to do, but you’re saying it’s helped you with your emotional healing, putting that stuff there, it’s made you reflect on who you are. So what’s the relationship like with your mom these days?

 

01:34:48:18 – 01:35:18:16

Colt Johnson

There really isn’t much of a relationship. You know when we when we were together, we either don’t have much come out of it or we just argue. It just seems like I think we’re just tired of of being together like this. We’re tired of the old routine. We need to change it and we don’t know how to get out of it because it’s just it’s like a balloon that’s about ready to pop, you know, all this life of tension, you know, I’m sure she wants more.

 

01:35:18:16 – 01:35:30:17

Colt Johnson

She doesn’t want to always be my noticed to as my mother. And I always want her having to take care of me, you know? So something’s going to happen. It’s going to pop, but we’ll see what happens.

 

01:35:30:17 – 01:35:58:21

Brad Singletary

Well, I hope that you two can, you know, just talk and have some conversations. And maybe what you end up with is just recognizing how she to become the person that she has become. You know, your story, I think I don’t know if this stuff is out there anywhere else publicly, but some of the things that you’ve shared here probably are unknown by a lot of those haters out there who just picked on your bad choices and bad behavior and whatever.

 

01:35:58:21 – 01:36:39:23

Brad Singletary

Some of this stuff this is, you can see how it could become this way. You could see how well, first of all, we’re all just human and flawed anyway. And then with some of the things that you talked about in your development, just growing up in your family, some trauma, some grief and loss, the just the crazy, you know, guilt that you talked about, feeling about that with your dad and then just kind of out of necessity for both living with your mom for until you your living with your mom and till the present day, pretty much.

 

01:36:39:23 – 01:37:07:21

Colt Johnson

Yeah. I mean, just it’s life, you know, it’s just it’s just kind of snowballs into it. You know, when I think when people live in this raw, emotional state, you know, emotion, emotion, fear to fear instant gratification, vacation, they don’t understand. They don’t know how to get out of that. They don’t understand. They have a life outside of whatever that to take care of the next itch.

 

01:37:08:08 – 01:37:26:10

Colt Johnson

So there wasn’t any evolution in my life for many years, either as an individual or my relationship with any other person. And that’s just how my mother is, too, right? I don’t know what happened, but she kind of stopped and I stopped and we just kind of froze for many years.

 

01:37:27:06 – 01:37:32:25

Brad Singletary

You started back up again? I started I have the sense that you’re you know, you’ve got some momentum like things are.

 

01:37:33:14 – 01:37:33:24

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:37:34:02 – 01:37:38:13

Brad Singletary

Happening for you and a good direction where are you where are you headed in life right now.

 

01:37:38:13 – 01:38:08:10

Colt Johnson

Yeah. So, you know, I kind of lost track as a lot of things, you know. But lately I’ve been trying to take more charge of my my life, you know, trying to feel better about myself, trying to right now I’m looking for work. So that should be exciting. Going back the field myself or developer by day. So, you know, it’s just, you know, I just want to be there more and just to take control of my life and start making plans for the future.

 

01:38:08:10 – 01:38:09:23

Colt Johnson

That’s something I really want to be doing and.

 

01:38:10:04 – 01:38:11:05

Brad Singletary

Set some goals.

 

01:38:11:05 – 01:38:25:13

Colt Johnson

And some goals and really build like that. My relation with my wife right now is very important. So building on that and seeing where that goes, like just having lasting, lasting roots is something very important to me. Most important thing to me right now.

 

01:38:26:22 – 01:38:32:26

Brad Singletary

What are her major complaints of you? I know she’s good. She’s got the worries about the women, the womanizing or whatever, but.

 

01:38:33:02 – 01:38:53:09

Colt Johnson

She don’t trust me. She’ll never trust me. She thinks I’m talking to ten girls. She closes the door, go to the bathroom and ten girls come in and give me blowjobs and leave right away. You know, so that does affect us a lot. And I think that’s going to if we can’t get over that, it’s going to lead to us probably not being together because it’s just that’s a foundation to a relationship.

 

01:38:53:09 – 01:39:14:19

Colt Johnson

It’s respect. Trust leads to respect, respect leads to love and various other things. So she you know, and it’s just we’re both kind of lost in our own ways and I hope we can make it through. You know, I’m really trying I’m going to therapy and we’re trying harder, you know, and I mean, I’m in I’m in it to win it.

 

01:39:15:19 – 01:39:35:09

Brad Singletary

That’s good to hear, man. You know, a lot of the guys that have been on our show are nowhere near as popular as you. Some many of they’ve done some cool things. But no, no one is as widely known as you are. But millions and millions of people throughout the world know who this guy is. I feel very lucky to be sitting here with you, but I.

 

01:39:35:22 – 01:39:49:02

Brad Singletary

I loved the idea of having you on here because you’re in the middle of figuring it out. And that’s the stuff I really feel like my dad would say it takes 40 years to build a man and 40 years to build a marriage.

 

01:39:49:11 – 01:39:49:22

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:39:50:16 – 01:40:08:26

Brad Singletary

And so the point is, hang on, be be cool with yourself like you’re not even if what if we said you’re not even a full adult yet, like he’s just beginning like this is the beginning. Like you’re really, you’re not that far behind. I swear. I tell people I grew up. I became an adult when I was 38.

 

01:40:09:25 – 01:40:10:07

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:40:10:13 – 01:40:28:08

Brad Singletary

It’s like was 20 years behind, but it was like, oh, I, I’m thinking the way I think adults, other adults, you know, like that I graduated high school with, they went on and did really cool successful things and have been stable and balanced. I was in all and until I was 38. Yeah and.

 

01:40:28:23 – 01:40:29:09

Colt Johnson

Hey man.

 

01:40:29:13 – 01:40:31:23

Brad Singletary

So yeah you’re right around there what, 30.

 

01:40:31:23 – 01:40:32:04

Colt Johnson

Seven.

 

01:40:32:04 – 01:40:33:24

Brad Singletary

Thirties. Okay. See, so you’re.

 

01:40:33:24 – 01:40:54:25

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I don’t know. Is it just like as you get older, you just want to find things that matter. You see those less, less days ahead? Well, you know, so, like, you understand taking a drink or getting a kiss or whatever, they don’t have the same type of effects as having a child or having a legacy or right.

 

01:40:54:29 – 01:41:03:13

Colt Johnson

Or having a marriage. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like you mean as get older, you need more things to get you out of bed or get you excited. Yeah.

 

01:41:03:13 – 01:41:23:27

Brad Singletary

What you value changes. I mean, I think it all it all matter. So I love I love the way you’re maturing I love the things that you’re talking about. I don’t I haven’t I’ve watched very little of those shows, by the way, but I I’m guessing that it’s never gotten really deep like this. And and I just love that you shared what the person that you really are.

 

01:41:24:04 – 01:41:24:15

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:41:25:02 – 01:41:34:28

Brad Singletary

That’s who I’ve felt here today is just that there there’s this real you this real cold. Johnson is a guy who is living life, trying to figure things out.

 

01:41:35:18 – 01:41:54:17

Colt Johnson

Yeah, I as much as people think they know me from television, I’m still very much private. You know, I still a lot of stuff I talked about with you today. I no one knows. I mean, I never talk about it publicly. Really. So you know, it’s not that I’m, you know, I don’t want to talk about myself. It’s just I don’t want to bother people.

 

01:41:54:18 – 01:42:11:21

Colt Johnson

I think whatever, just my life, my burden to you or anybody else. So but, you know, I just talking, you know, right now it’s really liberating and you’re really a good listener. And, you know, I and I really appreciate what you do and the work you do and and, you know, and our relationship, you know, I’ve learned a lot from you.

 

01:42:11:26 – 01:42:20:09

Colt Johnson

And I always say I wouldn’t be where I am right now without your influence, you know? So I want to thank you for that.

 

01:42:21:09 – 01:42:32:17

Brad Singletary

You bet, brother. What is the I want to wrap up here with a couple of generic questions. Ask everybody, what is the most manly alpha thing about you?

 

01:42:32:26 – 01:42:49:29

Colt Johnson

The most manly alpha is they about me? I don’t know. Cause That’s a tough question. Uh, I said I don’t. I’m. I mean, what’s what’s some. Is that like shooting guns or whatever or.

 

01:42:50:05 – 01:43:06:17

Brad Singletary

No No, just the most grown up thing, the most the the mature is the, you know, the most valuable part of you that is like wisdom or what’s what’s your superpower, what’s your special thing that you’ve developed in that?

 

01:43:06:23 – 01:43:30:13

Colt Johnson

I, I think, I think I don’t know. It’s thinking, I like to think a lot. I think I observing, I think I’m very good observer of people, you know, and I think that’s helped a lot, especially on television and just, you know, in life in general. Yeah. And just having connection with people. I think a lot of people will tell you how they want to be treated and you just have to pay.

 

01:43:30:13 – 01:43:38:25

Brad Singletary

Mm hmm. That’s good. I believe that about you. I believe that you’re a good watcher of people. You can’t seduce all these pretty women without.

 

01:43:40:13 – 01:43:40:21

Colt Johnson

Being.

 

01:43:40:21 – 01:43:54:23

Brad Singletary

Able to listen a little bit and complain that you never listen to a good listen. So. All right. And then tell me one thing that you really want to push for, say, in the next. You know, days. What do you want to make really happen?

 

01:43:55:16 – 01:44:15:05

Colt Johnson

I, uh, I want to hit the gym more. I’ve been kind of slacking on that kind of. My wife’s been dieting, having a healthier diet, and I just kind of want to join in more on that next 90 days. I want to push myself a little harder and and try to shed some more pounds and get a little more stamina back.

 

01:44:15:14 – 01:44:16:18

Brad Singletary

Good for you, too.

 

01:44:16:19 – 01:44:17:06

Colt Johnson

Yeah.

 

01:44:17:11 – 01:44:28:14

Brad Singletary

So, man, it’s been so good to have you here today. I feel like we just opened up all these cans of worms. I don’t know if we closed all the topics or not, but I just have a I have a ton of respect for you.

 

01:44:28:27 – 01:44:29:24

Colt Johnson

Thank you for. I do.

 

01:44:29:24 – 01:44:45:27

Brad Singletary

Man. I you know, I, I, I don’t know if it’s my job that makes me just, I don’t have the judgment that a lot of people have. And so if they said, Oh, I cheated on this one, but this one and this is this shady thing that I just know that that’s a person trying to figure it out.

 

01:44:46:27 – 01:44:47:10

Brad Singletary

You know.

 

01:44:47:25 – 01:44:58:27

Colt Johnson

I’m definitely a work in progress, you know, and I people like you definitely helped me along. And I, I think I’m on a good path right now and I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next.

 

01:44:59:06 – 01:45:05:19

Brad Singletary

Same here, brother. Dude, thank you so much. I just. I don’t see you much on social media anymore. Are you on there, too?

 

01:45:05:22 – 01:45:06:11

Colt Johnson

You know.

 

01:45:06:11 – 01:45:06:24

Brad Singletary

You’re.

 

01:45:07:05 – 01:45:11:03

Colt Johnson

I’m trying to stay clean. You know, social media is depressing. It’s it’s hard.

 

01:45:11:23 – 01:45:13:16

Brad Singletary

You go out. Have you totally kind.

 

01:45:13:16 – 01:45:16:13

Colt Johnson

Of been on Instagram since last year, like November.

 

01:45:16:13 – 01:45:20:11

Brad Singletary

So it’s not that you’re just not posting. You’re not even going tonight browsing.

 

01:45:20:17 – 01:45:21:15

Colt Johnson

I’m not that’s.

 

01:45:21:15 – 01:45:24:16

Brad Singletary

The most helpful thing right there. That’s I love it. Why?

 

01:45:25:01 – 01:45:30:02

Colt Johnson

Well, I mean, after you read a million negative comments about yourself.

 

01:45:30:02 – 01:45:31:23

Brad Singletary

I saw your pictures online.

 

01:45:31:29 – 01:45:50:11

Colt Johnson

But now if you want to go down that rabbit hole, it feel like you feel like your life is part of this algorithm, this whole like, media, like, what’s the topics you care about? Well, let me go check. I don’t want I want to care about the things I care about. And I have things I’d like. Just tell me when I should feel I care about.

 

01:45:50:11 – 01:46:09:08

Colt Johnson

So those are media’s easy trap to just straight launch day and have a stream of talking points and thoughts or feelings, you know, to for everyone to share with. And once you’re out of that system, you start having other things, care about other things, thinking about the things that no one else cares about, but it feels great.

 

01:46:09:28 – 01:46:25:21

Brad Singletary

Dude, that is super cool because you probably have a whole billion bunch of people following you and it would be plenty of that’s constant supply of dopamine. You know, there’s messaging and there’s all this stuff and this whatever and you just opted out.

 

01:46:25:21 – 01:46:32:19

Colt Johnson

That’s bad too. That’s a lot of bad chances. Influences. I want to be a good person too. So that’s another thing to kind of like, you know, is your.

 

01:46:32:19 – 01:46:33:19

Brad Singletary

Wife make you do that?

 

01:46:33:21 – 01:46:40:18

Colt Johnson

Well, she didn’t make me, but it’s something that I feel like will help our relationship. And since I said that’s more important, I’ll do that.

 

01:46:40:18 – 01:46:58:15

Brad Singletary

Do not see. That’s something to respect right there. You got a whole bunch of people following you, all kinds of pretty women sending you everything you can imagine. And yes, there’s hateful things in there too, or whatever, but that you have access to a whole lot of attention.

 

01:46:58:23 – 01:46:59:12

Colt Johnson

Archive.

 

01:46:59:17 – 01:47:04:29

Brad Singletary

And you end in the world. Yeah. And then you and you just gave it up because that’s not good for your.

 

01:47:04:29 – 01:47:06:03

Colt Johnson

Marriage and good for me.

 

01:47:06:03 – 01:47:06:27

Brad Singletary

So now that.

 

01:47:07:06 – 01:47:07:21

Colt Johnson

For anything.

 

01:47:07:25 – 01:47:12:13

Brad Singletary

Now listen to listen to this guy. You sound like you get no sage.

 

01:47:12:13 – 01:47:14:02

Colt Johnson

Like, look like a wizard. My life.

 

01:47:14:10 – 01:47:34:13

Brad Singletary

Is. I love it, dude. You have depth. That’s That is what I that is what you know you just can’t capture that on the stories and the shows and stuff. We’re just talking about, you know, this relationship. I don’t know if you if it could be captured or if it has been, but every conversation I ever had was I just felt this profound depth to it.

 

01:47:34:27 – 01:47:46:05

Brad Singletary

We’re not talking bullshit. We’re not talking. You know, what’s playing at the movies? You’re where you just jump right into meaningful things that are going on for you or other people.

 

01:47:46:05 – 01:47:54:15

Colt Johnson

So that’s life. That’s that’s I think people forget that. Like, it’s not what’s trending that’s important. It’s what’s inside you that matters.

 

01:47:55:21 – 01:48:17:10

Brad Singletary

I love it, man. You’re just a remarkable person. I just think that, you know, you’re you’re learning. You’ve allowed yourself to be made fun of really to be I mean, the amusement of others. It has been. Yeah, you’ve it’s been entertaining to a lot of people. That’s why you kept being re invited I guess they said oh yeah this, guy’s golden boy.

 

01:48:17:10 – 01:48:19:23

Colt Johnson

A lot of people burn out too, right? They can’t handle.

 

01:48:20:19 – 01:48:22:17

Brad Singletary

All that emotion and the pressure.

 

01:48:22:17 – 01:48:51:06

Colt Johnson

And so they go down the surgeries, the whatever path that they have to do to stop that, you know? And they got to lose weight. They got to bulk up. They got to change their parents, you know, then they they they start becoming they become something else. They become whatever the public opinion algorithm wants them to be, you know, and that’s usually a doll or a robot or a horrible thing.

 

01:48:52:04 – 01:49:12:02

Colt Johnson

So you can’t you can’t let. Those things all the life. That’s a thing I learned from the show, you know, in one ear, out the other. I appreciate the the energy projected at you, whether it’s good or bad take it as it’s just the energy and whether it’s, you know, people loving you or any of that doesn’t really matter as such.

 

01:49:12:02 – 01:49:15:21

Colt Johnson

You can just ignore that part. If they don’t love you really. Right. They don’t know.

 

01:49:15:23 – 01:49:16:17

Brad Singletary

They don’t even know you.

 

01:49:16:21 – 01:49:31:09

Colt Johnson

So how can they love you? Can they hear you? They can. They can have attention. Energy projected towards you. You know, if you. So we just harvest that that nugget of it and get rid of the waste of the rest. It can go pretty far with it.

 

01:49:32:07 – 01:49:40:20

Brad Singletary

Wow. So awesome to talk to you, man. I hope that we can. We can. We may have to do this again and check in with you here in a little while. Yeah.

 

01:49:40:21 – 01:49:42:02

Colt Johnson

And exciting.

 

01:49:42:02 – 01:49:43:08

Brad Singletary

New technology. Yeah.

 

01:49:43:08 – 01:49:48:21

Colt Johnson

Updates to talk about it too much. But you know, hopefully I’ll see you again in a few months.

 

01:49:48:23 – 01:50:05:17

Brad Singletary

Like a man becoming feel. Yes yeah. I love your progress. Just what you’re trying to do to to distance yourself from the things that aren’t really going to bring you joy and really try to come closer to that does sounds like right now that’s Vanessa.

 

01:50:06:12 – 01:50:11:12

Colt Johnson

My marriage and that’s trying to be just trying to figure out myself that’s the most important.

 

01:50:11:12 – 01:50:25:23

Brad Singletary

Thing right I called thank you so much, man. Appreciate it again. Hey, I’ve got a couple of things I’m going to dig out of a box here. I’ve got a hat and a t shirt. Maybe I’ll throw out the swag, dude. All right, man. Take care. We’ll see you guys sharing stories of men who are doing great things.

 

01:50:25:27 – 01:50:49:27

Brad Singletary

In the case of Colt Johnson here, he’s done some great things in that he’s been on multiple seasons of multiple TV shows. And much of that was his bad behavior, as he described earlier. And he wants to be a different person and he wants to try to grow and he wants to put away things that aren’t really serving him in the things that he wants.

 

01:50:49:27 – 01:51:23:28

Brad Singletary

He just wants love. That’s all he’s ever wanted. He hasn’t quite known how to do that because of some of the circumstances of his upbringing and the circumstances of the upbringing of, the people who brought him up. So we appreciate you being here today, Colt. You guys, wherever you are in life, whatever it is that you’re doing, whatever it is that you’ve failed in, whatever has happened to your relationships, whatever happened in your family growing up, you can make a decision to make your own path, can make a decision to set boundaries.

 

01:51:23:28 – 01:51:43:01

Brad Singletary

That was one of the real golden things that Colt shared here earlier, that confidence is a reflection of your boundaries and that may be something that you need help with. If you do reach out to me, I’ll put any links to Colt in case anybody wants to reach out to him and ask for a copy of his pictures.

 

01:51:43:17 – 01:51:50:12

Brad Singletary

It’s of his pictures. Until next time, you guys. No excuses, Alpha gentleman.

 

01:51:51:01 – 01:51:56:24

Outro

You are the alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

Click your podcast platform below or listen to the embedded file on this page.

095: YOU’RE GONNA BE OKAY – How to Do It (with Scott Edgar)

095: YOU’RE GONNA BE OKAY – How to Do It (with Scott Edgar)

095: YOU’RE GONNA BE OKAY – How to Do It (with Scott Edgar)

Our guest today is a father of five, an attorney, and a poet who recently published his first collection of poems. He is a podcaster and an actor and starred in a music video for the Killers for their 2018 song titled Rut. His mother died suddenly and unexpectedly when he was 10 years old. It’s only been in the last few years that he started to become aware of the trauma that he suffered as a result and began writing poetry again after a 20-year gap to work through the feelings that remain from that loss.

He believes that men are messing up their lives by abandoning themselves to fit in with others and believes we fix it by learning who we are and taking ownership of the power in our uniqueness. He is currently working to integrate his shadow and says the most alpha attribute in him is learning to be an example of healthy vulnerability.

 

https://edgarlawoffices.com

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-poet-delayed/id1626218958

https://www.amazon.com/My-Mother-Sleeps-Scott-Edgar/dp/B0B2TP6231/ref=sr_1_3?crid=23NBK0PTX9GV8&keywords=scott+edgar&qid=1656576475&sprefix=scott+edgar%2Caps%2C1425&sr=8-3

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT
00:00:00:10 – 00:00:02:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Risky move. I’m like the heck you are.

00:00:05:06 – 00:00:05:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he did it.

00:00:06:05 – 00:00:18:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
He would walk to my house every night and he would just walk the neighborhood with me every night. He said, how about the plan of going home and learning to love your wife and.

00:00:18:20 – 00:00:22:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Have her learn to love you? What I garnered from that.

00:00:23:13 – 00:00:27:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Was this concept of one on one time. He said, Just hold on.

00:00:28:06 – 00:00:31:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Just hold on. The light will return.

00:00:32:29 – 00:00:35:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
So he turned me in to the Nevada State Bar.

00:00:36:05 – 00:00:39:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wrote a letter on me, said, Mr. Williams told me to go.

00:00:39:20 – 00:00:40:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
F myself.

00:00:42:27 – 00:00:47:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
If I need a car. I got a call from bar counsel. Who is this porch? Williams?

00:00:48:15 – 00:00:49:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, sir.

00:00:49:21 – 00:00:52:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Did you tell that lawyer to go F himself.

00:00:52:24 – 00:00:53:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, I did.

00:00:54:13 – 00:00:58:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you not do that anymore? No, I won’t. And I’ve never done it again.

00:01:04:05 – 00:01:23:23
Speaker 3
If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen. This is the Alpha Corps.

00:01:30:21 – 00:01:56:23
Brad Singletary
Our guest today was born in Las Vegas on February 2nd. 1966 He’s the youngest of five children. His father worked a variety of jobs when Bush was a kid. His father started the Las Vegas Motocross Club and later the Las Vegas Bicycle Motocross Club. Every Saturday and Sunday, he spent at the motocross and bicycle motocross track with his family organizing and running events.

00:01:57:08 – 00:02:19:01
Brad Singletary
Butch also raced both BMX and motocross himself. When Butch was about 14 years old. The track was no more feasible to run. His dad started a plumbing company, and Butch began to learn the trade of plumbing, which also worked a variety of other jobs and high school, including being a dishwasher at Marie Calendar’s and driving a delivery truck.

00:02:19:20 – 00:02:47:14
Brad Singletary
When he was 19 years old, he decided to serve in LDS Mission which had joined the church approximately three years earlier. He served in Alaska and had a wonderful time there. Upon returning home, he attended college at UNLV and then received a Bachelor of Science Degree in Construction Management from Brigham Young University in 1991. While at BYU, he met and married the magnificent Paula Jones from Woodburn, Oregon.

00:02:48:25 – 00:03:18:22
Brad Singletary
They have six children, five of whom are married. They are the grandparents of ten grandchildren, which attended law school at the MCGEORGE School of Law in Sacramento, California. He graduated in 1994 and returned to Las Vegas with his family in 1997. He started his own law practice. He mostly represents contractors and subcontractors in construction issues. He also practices in the areas of real estate and business law.

00:03:19:08 – 00:03:42:19
Brad Singletary
Approximately seven years ago, his son in law, Drew Starbuck, graduated law school and came to work with Butch. Mr. Starbucks practices primarily in real estate planning and probate. They own the firm Williams Starbuck. But I’m so glad to have you here, man. I have been I’ve had my eye on you since I started this whole thing and thought, That’s it, dude, I want to get in here.

00:03:42:19 – 00:04:02:13
Brad Singletary
So we ran around in some of the same circles here, probably ten or 15 years ago, and I’ve moved to the other side of town, and maybe you’ve moved out of that neighborhood, but I’ve watched you with your family and what you have going on. And I just thought this is the exactly the type of man that I want to highlight once we get around to being able to do that.

00:04:02:13 – 00:04:13:29
Brad Singletary
So welcome here, man. I really appreciate you driving all this way. Drove up to my building today and I see this black Corvette and, and I knew exactly who was here.

00:04:14:21 – 00:04:18:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
It’s an old one. It didn’t cost very much or whatever.

00:04:18:06 – 00:04:46:11
Brad Singletary
It’s super sweet. So again, thank you for being here, man. We’re just we’re just trying to help men level themselves up, whether that be through education or through learning how to have be better in their family or through emotional intelligence, you know, recovering from addictions and just being good men. And so anyone who knows you, I’m sure, would safely say that’s a good dude to be highlighting as a good as a good man.

00:04:46:11 – 00:04:48:05
Brad Singletary
So thank you again for being here.

00:04:48:19 – 00:05:05:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m glad to be here. And I surely don’t deserve any praise. But but I life life has been good to me. Challenging but good. And if there’s ever a time to spend on raising young men to me and it’s now, right?

00:05:05:18 – 00:05:23:22
Brad Singletary
Yes, totally. That’s one of the reasons that we feel good about what we’re doing. We have a smaller audience but I think we’ve had listeners from 39 different countries through this whole thing. And so we’re hoping to just continue to grow this and appreciate you being a part of a part of this here today. So talk more about your family.

00:05:23:22 – 00:05:28:23
Brad Singletary
You’ve got ten grandchildren. Are they are most of your kids here in town or they live in other places or.

00:05:29:06 – 00:05:49:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, so we’ve got my oldest son, Tyson, and his wife live in the San Diego area. They’re in Carlsbad, California, OK? They’ve got three little kids and yeah, he runs a shelter business down there. And as a couple of other things that he’s involved in, we’re trying to get him back to Las Vegas, but he seems to like that surf too much.

00:05:49:11 – 00:05:57:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I bet. So I’m sure he Sanford coming home. He won’t be back My daughter, Kayla.

00:05:57:21 – 00:06:17:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kayla Starbuck, she’s married to Drew Starbuck, OK? And she’s wonderful. And a matter of fact, when she met Drew when they were in college, he wasn’t sure where he was going. And so she helped him figure out where he was going. And next thing you know, he was in law school and next thing you know, he’s practicing with me.

00:06:17:16 – 00:06:23:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
So never underestimate the power of a magnificent woman, right?

00:06:23:04 – 00:06:24:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You can keep.

00:06:24:04 – 00:06:28:02
Brad Singletary
Your eye on in there. If he’s working with that, you can you can always be watching, right?

00:06:28:02 – 00:06:37:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
All the time. He’s great. He’s he was in the Marines, and so he came in with maturity and just just a good guy. Good, humble guy.

00:06:37:25 – 00:06:39:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Looking for a little girls.

00:06:39:13 – 00:06:45:00
Brad Singletary
I looked him up. I looked up on your website and looked up you and him and saw your pictures and read a little bit about him. It’s impressive.

00:06:45:08 – 00:06:45:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, he’s.

00:06:45:29 – 00:07:00:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
He really is that good. We just love him to death. Then I have a son named Zach. Zach’s married, and he just finished law school. He decided not to come to work for Dad, but he’s working for a big firm. I guess it pays more money. I don’t know.

00:07:01:16 – 00:07:02:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
He’s doing well.

00:07:02:16 – 00:07:26:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I’ve got a daughter named Hailey. She’s up in Utah. She’s married to Vince Miller. We just love this guy. He graduated with a master’s in accounting, but his love is the army is. Well, his father was next in line to be the chaplain for the United States Army. Wow. And decided he didn’t want to quite go that path.

00:07:26:19 – 00:07:38:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
But Vince has followed his father in the military, and he finished Army Ranger training last year. And just now he’s trying to be a Green Beret. So I.

00:07:38:13 – 00:07:40:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Now yeah, he’s a he’s a fun.

00:07:40:03 – 00:08:09:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kid. Plus, he likes to go fishing. And I like that so I got a place to fish. Hey, yeah. I have a son named Josh. Josh is married here in Las Vegas. He’s working in the construction industry. And finishing his education at U and LV in my last girl or child, I should say, is Alexa. And Alexa just finished flight attendant school for Breeze Airlines, which is, I guess, a subsidiary of some sort to JetBlue.

00:08:10:08 – 00:08:11:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
OK, so maybe we’ll get some.

00:08:11:19 – 00:08:16:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Free flights out of all of this. I don’t know how many passes like Buddy passes and I like free.

00:08:18:19 – 00:08:23:04
Brad Singletary
So your wife, you said she’s from Oregon. You met her at school. You met in college, right?

00:08:23:04 – 00:08:36:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. She’s amazing. She is from a little town called Wood or I should say named Woodburn, Oregon. Her father is a veterinarian. I thought I might be marrying into money. I come to find out he’s a farm vet.

00:08:38:06 – 00:08:40:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. Like I came to further find out.

00:08:41:09 – 00:08:42:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
If it cost more than the price of the.

00:08:42:29 – 00:08:48:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cow. They usually just shoot the cow as the oldest of six kids.

00:08:50:05 – 00:08:51:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
She’s just great, you know?

00:08:53:00 – 00:09:06:05
Brad Singletary
So you we talked a little bit about your career. You have a law practice here. You do like construction stuff. That’s a majority of what you’re doing. It is. And then your son in law.

00:09:07:03 – 00:09:07:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

00:09:07:11 – 00:09:08:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Drew Starbuck, yeah.

00:09:08:14 – 00:09:28:27
Brad Singletary
And then your son in law, Drew. He does some other things, real estate and different types of types of practice there. So you started that three years at three years after you graduated. That’s pretty quick. I, I mean, I don’t know much about the practice of law, but it seems like three years after that’s fast doing your own thing.

00:09:29:03 – 00:09:51:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
It was probably too quick. But, you know, I had worked three different jobs in three years out of law school now. I never got fired but I always just felt like I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. So I came home one day kind of in a somber mood. And my wife was five months pregnant with our fifth child.

00:09:51:26 – 00:10:09:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I said, Honey, I’m just I just don’t know what it is. And she said, well, start your own practice. I said, I don’t have any clients. I said, Maybe one or two. She said, It’ll work out. I said, But you’re five months pregnant. We don’t have health insurance. It’ll work out so the first call I made was to the baby doctor, I’ll never forget.

00:10:09:24 – 00:10:13:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Call you. Do you accept a payment plan.

00:10:15:14 – 00:10:18:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said, We’ll work it out. So I.

00:10:18:21 – 00:10:35:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I went to the bank, and in those days I’ll never forget the guy. I believe his name was Larry Woodrum. And he was at Bank West of Nevada, and somebody said, You got to go see Larry. He’ll loan you money. So I walk in and I sit down with this guy, and I’m sure my head was hung down low.

00:10:35:25 – 00:10:50:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Can I borrow $50,000 to start a law practice? 15 minutes later, I had $50,000 in account. Wow. And all magnificent part of that, as I look back of the story, is that two years later I called him. I said.

00:10:50:25 – 00:10:51:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Larry.

00:10:51:16 – 00:10:57:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you take your $50,000 back? I never had to use it, and I’m tired of paying interest on it.

00:10:57:13 – 00:10:58:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow. So.

00:10:59:03 – 00:11:04:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I don’t think people get loans that easy anymore in Las Vegas. But but that’s how it worked out.

00:11:04:14 – 00:11:15:00
Brad Singletary
And it seems like your wife had all the faith in the beginning. She kind of pushed you toward it and said, don’t you worry, like it’ll work out. And you had the courage to make a big leave. That’s that’s impressive.

00:11:15:13 – 00:11:46:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. I’ve talked to a lot of young men who wanted to start their own practice, and they have asked me over the years how do you do it? And I would ask them a question, how much do you give to charity every month? And if the response was very little, then I would say, you’re not ready yet. Now, the reason I said that is because when I was going to start my own practice, I was actually racing motorcycles again.

00:11:46:17 – 00:12:04:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I was out at the track one night and I was talking to a friend of mine and he asked me a question. He said, How much do you give to charity every month? And I said, I don’t know, 40 or $50. And he told me, You’re not ready to start your own practice. Wow. And I said, Well, how much do you give?

00:12:04:17 – 00:12:23:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he told me. I said, Well, that’s my house payment. He said, Yeah. He said, When you learn that concept, you’ll be fine. And so what we did is I actually went home that night and I was kind of mad at my friend. That is being a little judgmental, but we went home that night and I talked to my wife about it.

00:12:23:27 – 00:12:56:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Honey, I think there’s something to what he’s saying. If we’re going to start this, we get we got to give more and she said, OK, so we did. We immediately started to give more. And, you know, the phone has always ring. So here I and that was 1997 and now we’re in 2022 and even through the recession the phone rang and so every young person that I have given that counsel to whether it be in the practice of law or other business, their phone is ringing.

00:12:56:08 – 00:13:09:06
Brad Singletary
Well what, what is the principle there like? I mean just that you are you have the kind of maturity, you have the kind of, you know, selfless maturity or something. How does that work? What is the math on that?

00:13:10:08 – 00:13:39:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t think it’s earthly math. Right. You know, my parents, when I when I decided to join the LDS Church and in the end serve a mission, they were OK with me joining the LDS Church. But when I decided to serve a mission that didn’t go over or as well originally as what I thought it might, but they knew I was dedicated because I, I worked and I saved about 12 or $13,000 and this was back in 1984, 1985.

00:13:39:02 – 00:14:03:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
So it’s a lot of hard work and a lot of savings. When I came home from that mission, my money was still in my bank account. I had no idea that they had paid for it. Wow. And I asked my parents what, what did you do, why they said, well, we just decided to pay for it, but now we’re going to give money every month to a charity because we recognize our business had never done so well so you know, those are things stick in your mind, right.

00:14:04:15 – 00:14:04:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

00:14:04:25 – 00:14:27:05
Brad Singletary
That’s great modeling from your parents who didn’t necessarily share the same faith but but respected what you did. And even though they started to show you, you you originally showed them you taught them something that they reinforced you carried that and spread that same message to young professionals out there. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s why you’re here right now, that kind of thing, man.

00:14:27:05 – 00:14:28:29
Brad Singletary
I got goosebumps thinking about this.

00:14:29:15 – 00:14:43:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that was pretty powerful. Another thing I did as soon as I made just a little bit of money is I put $1,000 cash in my pocket. In that thousand dollars cash has been there now since 19, I guess 1997. So please don’t mug me.

00:14:44:05 – 00:14:51:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
If I’m black for every black Corvette, that guy’s got money in his pocket. But the concept again, I was a.

00:14:51:25 – 00:15:02:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Little kid and this guy walked into our house on 560 Saint Louis and downtown Las Vegas. His name was John Vann. Who he was a friend of my father’s. And he pulled out.

00:15:02:13 – 00:15:07:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
This wad of cash was a little kid in a in a lower than middle class income.

00:15:07:19 – 00:15:33:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m looking at that thinking I don’t know what he does, but I’m in, you know. Right. I said John, why do you carry that that money? He said, so I can say no to people if I need to. Now, that stuck with me, too. So as a young lawyer, if somebody walked into my office and to this day, even if they’ve got money if something doesn’t feel right, I know I’ve got enough in my pocket to feed my family for a little while.

00:15:33:28 – 00:15:35:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow. And so that.

00:15:35:00 – 00:15:36:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Concept, you mean.

00:15:36:22 – 00:15:42:07
Brad Singletary
Carrying $1,000 cash in your pocket, all this your whole your whole life since you were a young, younger man.

00:15:42:07 – 00:15:43:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Since 1987.

00:15:43:13 – 00:15:45:05
Brad Singletary
Oh my. You have it right now. You have.

00:15:45:05 – 00:15:49:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right now. Oh, that’s the coolest. Thing I’ve ever heard. I mean.

00:15:49:20 – 00:16:08:21
Brad Singletary
I can think there’s a lot of reasons for that. Like, I don’t know in the world of like, you know, alcohol, I’m in recovery from alcohol. And I would hear people say things like, you know, they want to just keep one beer in their refrigerator just to prove that they don’t need it. It’s there, but they don’t they don’t need it.

00:16:08:21 – 00:16:17:13
Brad Singletary
They’re kind of flooding themselves with some exposure. And so you got money and you could spend it, you could blow it, but you’re you’re just hanging on to it. That’s kind of cool.

00:16:17:13 – 00:16:32:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why I can spend it. And if I spend it as soon as like the users, they have just a little bit more. But when I get, you know, so there’s a little fluff there. So if I can somebody needs something, I can buy it right? Or get out of a tight situation or however you want to say it, all of that.

00:16:32:04 – 00:16:35:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
But at the end of the day, there better be a thousand.

00:16:35:21 – 00:16:36:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I can say no.

00:16:37:05 – 00:16:42:03
Brad Singletary
I need I’m going to I’m going to steal that trick. No, I got to tell my wife, when I get on the air, open up the safe for me.

00:16:42:03 – 00:16:54:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
We got to get 1000. Just keep it on Venmo. I don’t know how to use Venmo, but my wife sure does. So she knows how to talk to that Amazon guide to ensure comes around a lot. It’s guy I.

00:16:54:18 – 00:16:58:18
Brad Singletary
Thought my wife for a while was having had something going with the UPS driver, you know, like.

00:16:59:07 – 00:17:00:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
All right, I hear you.

00:17:00:29 – 00:17:18:15
Brad Singletary
We didn’t welcome Jimmy Durban. I just want to he’s been on the show before. You guys know him and but he is also another stellar guy. He just wanted to be here tonight. Drove up in a pretty special looking Harley Davidson that was pretty sick man. That was impressive. What do you what are you driving out there?

00:17:19:11 – 00:17:28:10
Jimmy Durbin
It’s a Harley Roadster. Oh, 2019. And it’s full disclosure. And being transparent, it actually belongs to my middle son.

00:17:28:24 – 00:17:31:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I can’t take credit for that.

00:17:31:17 – 00:17:35:19
Jimmy Durbin
Mine’s in 94 heritage soft tail OK or of a cruiser bike.

00:17:35:19 – 00:17:37:17
Brad Singletary
You told me how to get somewhere quick and so you.

00:17:37:22 – 00:17:39:15
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah I had to get here fast keep it.

00:17:39:15 – 00:17:40:06
Brad Singletary
Warm for you.

00:17:40:25 – 00:18:08:16
Jimmy Durbin
I think also just to kind of give the audience a feeling when I when I came in and met Butch you could feel the love I could feel the love speak for myself kind face um sharply dressed and then when you read the intro birthday’s February 2nd mine’s a third oh. Very well meant to you and Elvis as well.

00:18:08:16 – 00:18:37:28
Jimmy Durbin
Right. And so I, I’ve appreciated what you said because I think that’s how men can help men is these little nuggets, these things that there’s this wisdom that you gained along your own path and the things that stuck. And so I really appreciated you sharing those two things because that’s that’s what I want to learn from you. Right?

00:18:37:28 – 00:19:13:01
Jimmy Durbin
Is how have you continued to keep your heart upfront? Right. Oftentimes you talk about having a a soft front and a hard back. No concept from Bernie Brown of being vulnerable as a man, being tender, authentic, transparent, and also having a hard back and being a protector and a leader and a fighter and a mentor for these young men that you talked about, for these young lawyers that you talked about, for your family and your your son in law’s.

00:19:13:01 – 00:19:24:19
Jimmy Durbin
And so what else would you say to your younger self as you gain this wisdom now sitting as a 56 year old man in this chair.

00:19:25:04 – 00:19:51:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I went through something in 1995 that I haven’t shared with a lot of people, but I was just out of law school starting salary was $36,000 a year, wasn’t necessarily horrible in 1995, but I had $65,000 with a student debt. Wow. And I had three children and my marriage fell apart and so I ended up living with my parents.

00:19:53:01 – 00:20:20:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
My wife’s trying to decide you know, is he going to come home? I’m trying to decide what I’m doing, where I’m going. And I remember just laying up at my parents one night staring at the ceiling thinking to myself, I don’t know where I’m going. I just am so discouraged, so down. And this old guy knocks on my door and he happened to be my LDS bishop.

00:20:22:19 – 00:20:38:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said, May I speak with you for a few minutes? I said, Yeah. I mean, I couldn’t say no. He’s a nice guy. Even though I had anger in my soul, I just couldn’t say no to him. And he came in and talked to him and he said, But what are your plans? I said, I don’t know.

00:20:38:27 – 00:21:04:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I guess I guess I’ll get divorced and figure out what to do from here. He said, I guess that’s a plan. He said, How about the plan of going home and learning to love your wife and have her learn to love you? And I said, I don’t know how that’s possible, but he left that evening and it again, it just stuck in my mind.

00:21:04:24 – 00:21:43:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I, I went home and this, this little bishop, about six foot six tall, he would walk over to my house every night after and he had 11 children on a school teacher salary. So big time hero right away he would walk to my house every night and he would just walk the neighborhood with me every night. And he would talk to me from everything about physical intimacy with my wife and how I could improve that to emotional intimacy, to dating, to communication.

00:21:43:17 – 00:22:00:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
The things that I guess I just never learned at home. And I guess why would I have learned them? I mean, my parents had a great relationship, but we didn’t talk about these things. And, you know, my wife and I we always just we always talk about the first five years of our marriage being. We don’t talk about that.

00:22:01:16 – 00:22:20:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
And then we talk about from 1995 on and it’s just been the most magnificent marriage. I mean it’s really, it has been but again what I garnered from that was this concept of one on one time.

00:22:21:28 – 00:22:23:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, you know.

00:22:23:18 – 00:22:36:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
He gave me his precious resource of time and so I try to do the same. I, you know, I’m not great at it, but if I see a need, I recognize just a simple text message, probably not enough.

00:22:37:21 – 00:22:54:17
Brad Singletary
You know, he was kind of in this automatic role of mentorship or stewardship with you. But in. So did he push for that contact, you know, or were you, you know, asking him to, hey, come take a walk or you said he just would show up? Yeah. I mean, that’s cool. So I think every man needs a mentor.

00:22:54:17 – 00:23:31:11
Brad Singletary
Every man needs a bigger tribe of, you know, six, eight, whatever number of people. But to have one person at a critical time in your life care for you. He’s busy. He’s got 11 kids at home and he’s leading the congregation and he’s got you that he’s kind of singled out as someone that’s worthy of his time evening, you know, this special time to come and walk and talk with you that is that’s one of the coolest images that have ever been, you know, painted on this show to me is you walking with a man who’s talking about all of the deep things, all of the things that maybe you wouldn’t want to talk about

00:23:31:11 – 00:23:43:08
Brad Singletary
with anyone else. You made it comfortable somehow. You made it comfortable to do that. What what was it about him that made you feel like you could comfortably talk about those personal subjects?

00:23:43:15 – 00:24:11:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I think just his warmth. I mean, I just felt like I was walking with God in some respects. Right. I knew that he was a confidant. I knew he had wisdom. I mean, even as a I was 28 years old, so still pretty young. Right. But I could just see, you know, just his love for me and I then fast forward what, 20 years?

00:24:11:08 – 00:24:38:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he called me to be a bishop in the LDS Church, last thing I ever expected. But the concepts that he taught me I was able to put into play as people would come to me with marital issues and other issues. And I thought, man, God, I mean I that was a really painful process. In 1995 I got to know God better, I got to know my wife better, I got to know this bishop better.

00:24:39:10 – 00:25:03:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
But then as I fast forward, I think to myself and God, God could see these things play out. You know, he could see in the future that if I listen to this guy, good things would probably happen in my life, you know, if I didn’t, if I went out on my own and did my own thing, then I might pay a different price and have a harder time having a relationship with God, at least for a season.

00:25:03:27 – 00:25:06:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So it was a painful process, but it was wonderful.

00:25:08:06 – 00:25:45:20
Jimmy Durbin
Brad just put out an episode about reframing and in his thoughts just from a very raw, beautiful authentic place of the Alpha Quorum and what that is and what type of man in his heart that is and how it should project in the world so I appreciate you relating that story because I oftentimes think, as you just indicated, we really don’t talk about before 1995, 1996, right.

00:25:45:20 – 00:26:26:04
Jimmy Durbin
We, we get this idea that well we’ve had this pain and it’s healed and so it’s behind us. But in the end as a result of that we kind of create a silo and those individual silos that happen to us as men, then we don’t allow the healing process and the learning process and the grace that happens. And so would you mind just sharing like what the struggle was like, what, how did you get to that mental place, emotional place, spiritual place like because I’m sure I can relate to it.

00:26:26:04 – 00:26:44:17
Jimmy Durbin
I, I’ve been to that place. There might be someone listening who’s there and I kind of believe that we’re all we’ve either gone through, we’re going through, or we will yet go through that place that you were back in. So do you mind sharing that?

00:26:44:21 – 00:27:13:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
No, not at all. One of the things that he asked me to do was go to the church and listen to a talk from a guy named Jeffrey Ah, Holland that was coming to town. Well, I had so much anger and frustration in my life at that time. I think just being poor for so long, going through law school, I mean, when my wife and I were in law school, I had $1,000 a month scholarship or rent was 550 a month.

00:27:14:20 – 00:27:27:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
We paid our tithing. So now we’re down to 900 a month and we never went on welfare. Well, you know, you live that way for a number of years of just, you know, impoverished, if you.

00:27:27:26 – 00:27:28:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Were making.

00:27:28:15 – 00:27:28:20
Brad Singletary
It.

00:27:28:20 – 00:27:49:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Barely by me, you know, and we always made it you know, by the grace of God, we always made it. But, you know, there’s frustrations and I’m spending, you know, 12 and 14 hours a day studying and there’s little kids at the house and all those things are, you know, they’re just going to lead to a tough situation if one doesn’t get it squared up.

00:27:49:20 – 00:28:03:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I didn’t, I didn’t have it squared up. I felt my job was to work and get through law school and make money as fast as I could. So I took that same attitude into the profession that first, and then I got humbled.

00:28:05:05 – 00:28:06:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. But anyways.

00:28:06:14 – 00:28:24:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Jeffrey Holland was coming to town and this old guy, Roy Ford, says just come with me, just come with me. I said, I don’t want to go. But again, I didn’t want to say no to him right there. I just loved him. You love somebody. You don’t want to say no. So I remember I remember sitting in the back of the building that night.

00:28:24:01 – 00:28:46:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And Jeff, our Jeffrey, our Holland stands up at the pulpit. And this is what he says. I’ll never forget it. He says, If any of you are feeling dark tonight like there’s no light and that you might never feel light again, I just want you to do one thing for me tonight. Well, soon as he started down that path, you could imagine my right eye open to what?

00:28:46:17 – 00:29:17:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
All my left eye open to and then his counsel was so simple, but I’ve used it many times in life. He said, Just hold on, just hold on. The light will return. And it did then, and it has numerous times since. So that’s my encouragement to people. When you’re in a dark spot, try to just hold on. You’ll notice that God will put certain people in your life at that time.

00:29:18:07 – 00:29:25:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Even if they’re uncomfortable to you a little bit. They might be those those angels that.

00:29:25:27 – 00:29:27:10
Jimmy Durbin
Especially if they’re uncomfortable.

00:29:27:10 – 00:29:34:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
To express you. Yes, especially if they are. So, you know. Yeah.

00:29:35:25 – 00:29:56:22
Brad Singletary
You said something earlier about what the guy said to you when you were in. He said, you know, what is your plan? He said, What about the plan to go and learn to love your wife? And that’s an interesting thought about learning to love, because I guess maybe when we’re younger, we just think, you know, you either love someone or you don’t.

00:29:56:22 – 00:30:17:28
Brad Singletary
And but this is like you have to learn how to love. What did that mean to you back then and what were the kinds of things you needed to learn? Like you you obviously were interested in her. You married her. You have a family. You know, you’re she’s a beautiful to this day, a beautiful woman. I mean, but you had to learn how to love what does that mean?

00:30:19:22 – 00:30:48:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s a great question. And maybe a little more background would be helpful. So I met my wife when when I was at BYU, we fell in love immediately was just instant infatuation. And so we got engaged two weeks later and married three months later. Now, it’s public knowledge now, but it but it wasn’t for years. But my wife had had a child when she was in her senior year of high school.

00:30:49:04 – 00:31:12:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
And this was a by the way, she told me about it immediately when we got we’re starting to get serious and of course, as a young guy, I’m like, oh, no problem. Well, she had given the child up for adoption. And back then, adoptions were were very private. Right. So I guess I always felt this little bit of maybe jealousy.

00:31:12:13 – 00:31:40:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Maybe maybe she didn’t love me as much as she loved her boyfriend. Who she had the child with. So, you know, just inadequacies on my part. Right. And being vulnerable is the right word. But I should add that for many, many years, until we were able to by the grace of God, three years ago, we were able to make contact with this.

00:31:40:17 – 00:31:40:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:31:41:09 – 00:31:41:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
And.

00:31:42:01 – 00:32:13:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, he’s just wonderful. It’s everything we ever dreamed of. That’s maybe a story for another day. But anyways, so I just always felt like, you know, kind of second fiddle just, you know, and I realized one thing this bishop did is he said, you know, the first thing we’re going to do is we’re going to fly that guy down from Oregon because he and Paula, your wife, they never had really a chance to to separate.

00:32:14:03 – 00:32:33:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
And then, by the way, there was nothing going on with Paula and her ex boyfriend for for all those years were married, nothing like that at all. But my bishop could tell that there was something holding me and Paula from progressing and one of the it was just a really out of the box thinking, right? Yeah.

00:32:33:03 – 00:32:33:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
We’re going to we’re going to.

00:32:33:28 – 00:32:42:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Fly down her ex-boyfriend so they can walk up and down the strip and say goodbye to each other because they never got a chance to years ago because Paula’s parents.

00:32:42:01 – 00:32:46:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Broke them up. Wow. What a risky move. Yeah. I’m like the heck you are.

00:32:49:11 – 00:32:51:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he did it. He did it, OK.

00:32:51:20 – 00:33:21:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
And it was wonderful because for some reason, it released my heart and and I was able to say, yeah, she she does love me and everything’s OK. And this guy had gone on and married and has a wonderful family and like I said, just a few years ago, by the grace of God in that app, 24 in me, we were able to finally, after all these years, find this this child and man just awesome.

00:33:21:00 – 00:33:21:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:33:21:12 – 00:33:22:15
Brad Singletary
That’s super awesome.

00:33:23:26 – 00:33:50:12
Jimmy Durbin
So when Brad asked that question, the way I heard it, the way I heard him ask, that is I choose who I love. And I heard that in your story. And then I love my choice. Right. And so how else in your years of marriage with your sweetheart and under what circumstances and situations have you had to learn to continue to love your choice?

00:33:50:21 – 00:33:52:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, it’s great.

00:33:54:01 – 00:34:10:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
One thing my mom said to my wife and I often in our first number of years of marriage is you’re not dating. You got to keep dating. You got to get out of town a couple of days. I’ll watch the kids. But again, in my stubborn self, you know, I just need to work. I need.

00:34:10:20 – 00:34:11:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
To. Right.

00:34:12:23 – 00:34:38:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, you know, after 1995, I took that counsel and so we began to date every Friday night. We don’t miss now I was on a campout or something. We’d go out Saturday night. We then began to take a trip once a year, twice a year for a week away from the kids. But the most important thing, getting back to that old bishop, he said every day do an act of kindness for her every day.

00:34:39:06 – 00:34:46:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he said the same thing to her every day, every day, every day. He said every day. So you know how many candy.

00:34:46:07 – 00:34:50:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Bars I’ve woken up over the years? She still thinks my greatest joy in life.

00:34:50:26 – 00:34:54:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Is a is a Hershey’s it’s not Hershey’s a CS.

00:34:54:07 – 00:34:55:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Sucker. It is a.

00:34:55:24 – 00:34:57:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Second greatest joy life.

00:34:57:03 – 00:35:03:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
But so I found a lot of those. In the meantime, I’m I watched a lot of dishes.

00:35:03:04 – 00:35:12:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And, you know, just, hey, I’m going to the kitchen. I’m just you want water? Do you want anything? You know, common sense things, right? We love those. We serve. We we know the contents.

00:35:12:12 – 00:35:13:00
Jimmy Durbin
Of little things.

00:35:13:00 – 00:35:18:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, but but if we’re not serving someone, we it’s really difficult to love them.

00:35:19:01 – 00:35:42:17
Brad Singletary
I notice you’ve done that so much. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t know if it’s a good place to transition, but you’ve done a lot of service throughout your life. So you talked about the charity thing in the beginning. You know, sharing that with young attorneys. You know, if you’re if you’re not paying anything to charity, you may not be ready to start your own practice that represents an attitude of giving and sacrifice.

00:35:42:28 – 00:36:01:29
Brad Singletary
Talk about some of the other things you’ve done. You mentioned camping trip. Was that like scouting type stuff? You’ve done some you’ve done some volunteer teaching. You’ve done the most recently. I think I’ve seen you do a stuff at a like a homeless shelter maybe, or talk about some service opportunities that you’ve taken advantage of.

00:36:02:10 – 00:36:22:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I’m pretty involved with the Las Vegas rescue mission. You know, I didn’t know anything about the Las Vegas rescue mission. And here I was serving as a bishop in the LDS Church, and somebody called me one day and said, Hey, we’ve got this 18 year old boy here from Colorado. Can you meet with him? Yeah, try to help.

00:36:22:22 – 00:36:43:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I meet with him and I realize I don’t know what to do. With this boy. You, the way nice kid moved in from Colorado was was not LDS. He just showed up to Vegas wanted to start a new life. So I called my wife. That’s always a good place to start, honey. I got this kid in my office.

00:36:43:04 – 00:36:51:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know what to do with him. I mean, what am I going to do? Give him a food order or something? I can’t move them into our house because we’ve got daughters at home still. And she said.

00:36:51:24 – 00:36:52:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
We’ll call.

00:36:53:00 – 00:37:15:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Heather Gibbons. I said, Oh, I know Heather Gibbons. So I called Heather. And Heather just is well connected in Las Vegas as far as just knowing where the charities are, knowing what resources are available. I said, Heather, can you come see me? She shot right over to my office. She said, OK, but here’s what you do. You take this boy to the Las Vegas rescue mission.

00:37:15:27 – 00:37:39:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
They will put him up for a couple of weeks, no questions asked. They’ll feed him. And during the day, he’s got to leave the premises, go out, try to get a job. Come back at night. I said, Well, I don’t know much about this place, but I like this a lot. So I started to learn about it. And, you know, every night at 5:00 as you may know, they they open their doors and they’ll give anybody a meal, no question asked.

00:37:40:23 – 00:38:15:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love that. But I tell you what I love more is that they want to help people with addiction. And somehow, some way, they hope that out of the four and 500 people that they feed one meal a day or two, that a few may come forward and say, I don’t want to fight the addiction anymore. And the first thing they ask for unless something is changed, which I don’t think it has, is they’ll take you in for long term addiction, recovery but you got to give them your phone number.

00:38:16:10 – 00:38:38:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
You got to get rid of your sources. And if you’re not ready to give up the phone, you’re not ready to get help yet. I just fell in love with the organization, so I began to contribute more resources and time to do that organization. There’s many more out there. You know, it’s finding a charitable organization that you connect with shouldn’t be too.

00:38:38:01 – 00:38:39:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Difficult for most of us.

00:38:39:12 – 00:38:48:29
Brad Singletary
So why do you do it? I mean, why you’re busy. You’ve got a law practice, you’ve got five children and grandchildren. You got, I’m guessing, what, season tickets to the Golden Knights?

00:38:48:29 – 00:38:57:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I do I mean, there’s a lot of stuff going on that’s part of that. A motorcycle Corvette. You got to got wife. You got everything.

00:38:57:13 – 00:39:03:05
Brad Singletary
Like, what makes you want to go to the Las Vegas rescue or whatever places to serve? What makes you do that?

00:39:04:07 – 00:39:29:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I guess I’ve never thought about it that much. It’s just maybe it’s innate, maybe it’s natural. Or maybe it’s because, I mean, how many people have just stepped out over the years and either lended me a hand or I remember one time we were driving back from Sacramento excuse me, from Las Vegas to Sacramento. The year was 1993.

00:39:30:17 – 00:39:55:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
So picture this. I got my wife, I’ve got two kids in the back in this rag down old Hyundai, and we’re heading up to 95 to go through Reno on Memorial Day to get back to Sacramento, to go to law school. And I break down in the sweltering heat this was before cell phones. I look at Paula and I said, what do we do now?

00:39:56:04 – 00:40:24:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Pray. Well, we’ll pray. So we prayed right then this guy pulls up behind me and he’s an older fella. So I got out of the car and I met him and he said it looks like you got a problem. I said, I do, I, I blew the timing belt. He said, and I said, why did you stop? He said, I was in my home up in Yerington, Nevada, up the road a number of miles.

00:40:24:24 – 00:40:31:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I looked to my wife and I said, hey, we need to go. We need to go right now. She’s like, Where are we going? He says, I don’t know, but we’re going somewhere.

00:40:33:27 – 00:40:50:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And anyways, to make a long story short, we piled my wife, myself, and those two kids into their car. You know, they could have just taken this to Reno and dumped us at a hotel for the evening, but they didn’t do that. They took us all the way to Sacramento that night.

00:40:50:26 – 00:40:51:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:40:52:07 – 00:41:11:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so you know, when you have people over the years that reach out to you and just help a little bit, it’s just not hard to give back, right? I feel like I hold my. All right. I owe my whole life try in some way to give back for all the blessings I have. I mean, I just I’ve just been blessed.

00:41:11:22 – 00:41:11:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean.

00:41:12:07 – 00:41:45:21
Brad Singletary
That’s why you’re here when I say, you know what? What makes you do it? You said I didn’t even think of it. I mean, you’re sacrificing. I know that you’re donating. You know, money, time, resources, every, you know, volunteering over there. And I’ve also seen you re try to recruit people. So we’re friends on Facebook. And I’ve seen this, so, hey, they need, you know, we need an extra server or two tonight, you know, like you’re arranging these things and you’re not only going there for yourself, but you’re bringing some folks along with you, like that kind of leadership toward something so selfless.

00:41:45:21 – 00:41:50:05
Brad Singletary
I mean, that’s just, you know, coolest kind of man. Yeah.

00:41:50:20 – 00:42:12:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, I like I really like somebody’ll tell me, hey, listen, I’m having problems with my teenage kid. He’s just he or she’s just they’re becoming abstinent or they’re just they’re becoming secluded and they don’t want to help anybody. And they’re back talking. I said, all right, I’ll pick you up at 345. You and the kid so I’ll bring him in the kid to the shelter.

00:42:13:12 – 00:42:29:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And after a night at the shelter, that kid those eyes are opened up a little bit about about real life. So I think that’s a nice way kind of to give back to you, I guess. Not that I’m, you know, I’m just trying to help a kid. Yeah. Who? Right.

00:42:30:08 – 00:42:39:04
Brad Singletary
Some perspective. He gets to serve. He gets to contribute, but he also takes away something from that, too. Absolutely. And I’m sure you do, too. I’m sure there’s some.

00:42:39:10 – 00:42:40:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Every time.

00:42:40:07 – 00:42:52:10
Brad Singletary
No gratitude and just some. And I can just picture you’re you’re sitting there, you know, with a prayer in your heart for these people. And, you know, you’re you’re trying to extend love and positive energy while you’re there.

00:42:52:20 – 00:43:13:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Can you imagine just one person out of the 500 saying, tonight, I’m going to start over and all of a sudden they go through their the program over there and then they go get educated or get into a profession. And ten years down the road, they’re taking people to the rescue mission to get help. Right. That’s the that’s the payback, right?

00:43:13:14 – 00:43:14:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. Pay it forward.

00:43:14:09 – 00:43:15:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You pay for it.

00:43:15:11 – 00:43:15:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes.

00:43:16:02 – 00:43:36:28
Brad Singletary
So how did you learn to be a man? You’ve got all these great qualities. I just I really think that there are some men out there and you you guys seem you who are listening. You know what I’m talking about? You just see people in every aspect of their life just seems seriously good. No one’s perfect, but you can just tell that they are bringing a lot to the table.

00:43:36:28 – 00:43:39:28
Brad Singletary
And I think you do that. But who taught you how to be a man?

00:43:40:28 – 00:43:44:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I don’t know. I think I’m still learning. That’s why they always had me work.

00:43:44:17 – 00:43:46:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
With the youth, because I’m still a kid.

00:43:46:01 – 00:43:48:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
My wife tells me I’m a kid. I don’t really understand it.

00:43:48:22 – 00:43:49:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
She said she raised.

00:43:50:01 – 00:43:51:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Seven kids, but I’m only.

00:43:51:11 – 00:43:52:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Counting six.

00:43:53:04 – 00:44:02:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I don’t know. You know, I really do still feel like I’m learning. I do. I mean, I was listening to a grade. I like Joel Osteen. Oh, yeah. People don’t, you know.

00:44:02:26 – 00:44:05:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I like him a lot. I like him, man. You know.

00:44:05:10 – 00:44:33:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
He’s positive and just I was just listening to one of his talks the other day about learning like I never get too old that learn. So he went on for 35 minutes about things we can do to learn you know, he said that every year most people spend 300 hours in an automobile. He said, do you realize in 300 hours how much you can learn if you listen to it, talk or listen to something to.

00:44:33:07 – 00:44:34:21
Brad Singletary
Make your video book or something.

00:44:34:21 – 00:44:35:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
To teach us if you’re.

00:44:35:24 – 00:44:53:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
Into sales, how to become a better salesperson and if you’re a lawyer, how to be a writer, you can go on and on, you know, if you’re working in the church as a pastor or whatever. But the concept was, don’t ever quit learning. And so I think I’m still working on this being a man thing. I still like a little bit of risk.

00:44:53:15 – 00:45:15:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
I still like a joke a lot. Sometimes it go over well, sometimes I don’t. But I think it started out with my dad. You know, my dad, he was he’s a big time hero to me. He was raised here in Las Vegas in I guess he was born in 1937 and so other four or 5000 people in Las Vegas then.

00:45:16:08 – 00:45:35:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And he comes from a pretty troubled background. He was in and out of facilities and he fell in love with my mom when he’s about 14 or 15 years old. But my mom came from a good background and my grandpa had enough of my dad. So my grandpa had the sheriff take my dad on the edge of Las Vegas and say don’t come back.

00:45:36:10 – 00:45:37:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
So my dad.

00:45:38:02 – 00:46:00:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
So my dad ends up working in orange farms in Visalia, California, and then he went to San Francisco. In the meantime, my mom had been married, had a child, and my dad got word that she was going through a divorce. So he hauled back to Vegas and he saw her at one of these like little happy days diners in the fifties.

00:46:00:06 – 00:46:23:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right. And he her nickname was Shorty. He said, Shorty, you know, we’ve been apart a long time. Don’t you think we should just get married now? And she said, yes. And he became a man. He became a man. And I never saw my parents fight. They never made much money, but they always worked together. They did everything together.

00:46:23:21 – 00:46:41:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
They were just buddies. And, you know, some of his techniques were kind of fun. Like he told us one time, us boys, I don’t think I’m going to ask you again to make your beds he never got angry. Well, we didn’t make our bed. The next day, our beds were on top. The roof.

00:46:42:18 – 00:46:42:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
There was all.

00:46:42:29 – 00:46:46:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Kinds of things on top there. If I’m 56 St.Louis bicycle.

00:46:46:09 – 00:46:54:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Parts shoes, it didn’t get put away. A bed sits on the roof, but he never got angry.

00:46:55:14 – 00:47:07:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
He anger was not in his makeup, so he would discipline, but never with anger. Oh, my gosh. That sounds like Christ to me. I’m a teacher better way, but I’m not going to get angry. Angry about it.

00:47:08:27 – 00:47:12:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love that. Yeah, I’m going to try that. Yeah. No.

00:47:13:22 – 00:47:16:27
Brad Singletary
I’ll have the h.o.h. Getting after me. Like, what is all that stuff.

00:47:16:27 – 00:47:24:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
On your roof? Well, they got tile roofs now, and so i’m not sure how that would go. We had our rocks on our roof. What makes.

00:47:24:15 – 00:47:25:28
Jimmy Durbin
You think it won’t be your stuff on the.

00:47:26:04 – 00:47:26:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shelf?

00:47:28:24 – 00:47:32:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’d be careful with that one. Right. There might be.

00:47:32:24 – 00:47:51:08
Brad Singletary
So your dad was a great example of that. You said he became a man. That’s a process. That’s a like, you know, that’s it’s not just we don’t age into it. Something has to happen to us. I think. I mean, so what what did you what else did you see from him or other men in your life that demonstrated how you become a man?

00:47:52:01 – 00:47:52:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, I think a.

00:47:52:19 – 00:48:13:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Lot of hard work and that was one thing is that he he had a tremendous work ethic and and, you know, that concept of like, attract like. Right. It’s just it’s a beautiful, eternal concept. Usually you’re going to attract people that are like you in some ways. Otherwise you just you just bounce off each other, right? And so I got to watch his friends too.

00:48:13:08 – 00:48:41:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
And all of them were just young, trying different businesses, you know, staying out of trouble. My mom and dad both knew they were alcoholics and one day my dad missed work. So he was very functional. But one day he missed work and he never drank again. That was it. And I thought to myself, here’s a guy that comes from nothing that has every excuse in the world because he was abused as a kid.

00:48:41:25 – 00:49:07:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
All these things to not be a man. And he decided he’s going to be a man. He’s going to be a good husband and a good father, and he’s going to work hard and be loyal. And he was all of those things he never had to say. And I watched it right. You know, when we’d go work at the track as a nine year old and an eight year old kid on a Saturday morning, pulling out of bed at four in the morning to get in the back of the truck, to ride.

00:49:07:28 – 00:49:08:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
To to go.

00:49:08:23 – 00:49:17:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Under the Charleston underpass and on to the I-15, out to Craig Road in the back of the truck. When it’s cold in the winter and hot in the summer. He didn’t have to say anything. It’s just we’re.

00:49:17:29 – 00:49:20:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Going to work. Let’s go. Right.

00:49:21:05 – 00:49:45:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I’m just blessed. Blessed to have people like that in my life all the way through. My first my first boss coming out of law school, a guy named Norm Kurtzman. Wonderful. Wonderful man, fought in World War Two. He was a boxer he was so ethical. And I remember asking him one day, hey, how many billable hours do you want from me?

00:49:46:03 – 00:49:46:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right.

00:49:46:12 – 00:49:49:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Lawyers, billable hours. Well, he was a little bit.

00:49:49:06 – 00:49:54:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cross-Eyed and he was cantankerous. And so he’s kind of looking at me, but he’s looking over there.

00:49:54:24 – 00:50:00:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, we’ve had these conversations before right I was scared of him. He says.

00:50:00:26 – 00:50:20:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Don’t you ever talk to me about billable hours. One day in my life. You give me your hours every week. And then I’m going to give the client the fair hours. Clients are not paying for your education. So you go on and you work and you learn to do the product right incorrectly. Don’t you worry about billable hours.

00:50:21:04 – 00:50:33:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, sir. Well, again, that concept concept sunk in and so when I hired my son in law and we had the same conversation about how many billable hours a week, because that’s what.

00:50:33:21 – 00:50:35:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
The law firms are telling the.

00:50:35:21 – 00:50:37:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, yeah, I said, don’t.

00:50:37:04 – 00:50:49:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
You ever talk to me about those billable hours. You give your hours to me. And then I would look at the hours. Why did it take so many hours to do that project? I’m dying over here. But after a.

00:50:49:16 – 00:50:57:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Few years, they get efficient and then they can keep their billable hours and it doesn’t matter. Right. But what a pure concept. Yes. That’s also ethical, right? Yeah.

00:50:58:07 – 00:51:19:11
Jimmy Durbin
So it’s nice to see that that those things weren’t lost on you, that you have paid it forward. That it allows you to be the man that you are and have the heart that you have and and be transparent and share this vulnerable story about the struggle you had in 95 with your wife and that all those things added up.

00:51:20:25 – 00:51:23:25
Jimmy Durbin
So thank you for that. Appreciate it.

00:51:24:13 – 00:51:45:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, no, it’s wonderful. But like I say, you asked the question, well, you know, becoming a man and and I answered it. I was kind of serious that I’m still becoming a man. So I got COVID in December of 20, 20. And it wasn’t the nice version about day 12. I said, I don’t know if I’m going to make it through this or not.

00:51:46:06 – 00:51:51:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
I never went to the hospital, but my oxygen kept getting closer to that 90. Right. That 90.

00:51:51:13 – 00:51:51:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
Mark.

00:51:52:20 – 00:52:10:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I was so miserable. Anyways, I did overcome it. And by the grace of God, I guess I got to stay on earth for a while. Longer, but a couple months after that, I began to have what you professionals refer to, and I didn’t know what they were then. Ruminating thoughts.

00:52:11:10 – 00:52:12:01
Brad Singletary
Rumination.

00:52:12:01 – 00:52:33:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
You’re you’re going to lose everything you everything you’ve worked for, you’re going to lose. You’re going to lose it. And they would not all of a sudden I was up all night sweating, heart palpitations. My wife has suffered from some anxiety and depression in her life. And one day I woke up again. This was only a year ago now and everything was dark.

00:52:34:16 – 00:52:49:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
For the first time in my life, I I’ve always been an optimist other than the 1995 heartache I’ve just been this optimist. You know, everything is going to be OK for everybody else, including myself. And then it hit me. Depression and anxiety.

00:52:50:05 – 00:52:50:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wow.

00:52:50:27 – 00:53:14:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so we got me into counseling and because she said, OK, that’s it, we’re done messing with it again. Power over. Good woman. We’re done with this. You’re going to be OK. But you have to you got to listen to me. I’ll listen to you, honey, because right now I feel so low. And she said, OK, so she got me into counseling, and that was helping and but it wasn’t enough.

00:53:15:17 – 00:53:38:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so finally she got me into a psychiatrist and they put me on Lexapro, and it took about two weeks. And all of a sudden, things started to clear up. And I was like, OK, my gosh, I feel OK. Again, this is I mean, I was just so grateful. So I been open about it. I have not.

00:53:38:29 – 00:53:39:28
Brad Singletary
That is great.

00:53:40:04 – 00:53:47:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And just telling people this, you can turn this around. Sometimes we can’t, right? Sometimes.

00:53:47:19 – 00:53:59:01
Brad Singletary
Well, but so that’s good to know because I didn’t know that. But I think I might have known that you had COVID, but you were you were just been the epitome of energy. You’ve been one of those guys. I mean, you’re a runner right? You’re still running.

00:53:59:01 – 00:53:59:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
I am still running.

00:53:59:28 – 00:54:05:08
Brad Singletary
You’re a runner. I mean, you’ve done like marathons and. Right. You’ve done all that. You’re like a real runner.

00:54:06:05 – 00:54:12:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m serious. Like, I’m like me and if I run, I’ve got to go to the bathroom, you know, if somebody is chasing me. Yes. Yes.

00:54:13:26 – 00:54:18:12
Brad Singletary
So you so health and energy and that kind of thing. But to talk about.

00:54:18:18 – 00:54:18:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Total.

00:54:18:28 – 00:54:27:28
Brad Singletary
Crashing after this COVID thing, having some thoughts that maybe seem to be out of control, get help. Listen to your wife, start counseling and medication and. Yeah.

00:54:29:02 – 00:54:31:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why you’re here. Well, she told me, she.

00:54:31:05 – 00:54:42:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
Said, but you never do medication without counseling, ever. Well, how would I have known something like that? Other than that, she’d been down the path. I’m like, OK, I’m listening to you. I’m all ears.

00:54:42:23 – 00:54:58:20
Brad Singletary
Was there any was there any hesitation or I mean, were you it was just that bad that you would do anything bad? What about a year ago? What about in the past? Would you have been the type to I mean, I think it’s clearly that you’re pretty humble, but you also have you got a smart aleck in there.

00:54:58:20 – 00:55:13:28
Brad Singletary
You know, you’ve got you got some you got you have a rowdy sense about you, too, you know? So, like, did that ever have would you always have been OK with that or is there some old school part of you is like, I don’t need that you had to fight through.

00:55:14:14 – 00:55:47:20
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, not at all. And I don’t say that with any false sense of humility, but it was so miserable. I always thought I understood kind of what depression was or anxiety was because I’ve read about it, lived with it, saw other family members with it, but I didn’t understand it until it hit and I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody except for the lessons learned blessings come from it.

00:55:47:28 – 00:56:14:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
And one of the blessings is through counseling. I learned, you know, how to meditate more, how to get myself more in the present. I mean, I just remember going to dinner and looking at my cell phone 25 times thinking there’s an important email that’s going to come or an important text message. And now I go to dinner and I put my phone to the side and I look at my wife’s hair or I say, I can stay totally in this conversation now without thinking of anything else.

00:56:14:06 – 00:56:37:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
But being sitting right here with two wonderful men in the city of Henderson, Nevada, with lights on and air conditioning blowing, counting my blessings and I could never do that before, even though I always felt like I was kind of a humble guy. I could never stay completely present and so I remember talking to the counselor a while back.

00:56:37:24 – 00:56:49:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
He said, What do you worry about? I said, I don’t ever want to feel like I felt a year ago any good counselor just like yourself, Brad. He said, But would you be open to it?

00:56:51:02 – 00:57:07:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, I guess I would be, because right now I’m going to live in the moment. I’m going to live right now. I’m going to consider the lease of the field. I’m not going to take a purse or scrape with me anymore. Yes, I’ll save for the future. Yes, I’ll still plan for the, you know, the things that I can control.

00:57:09:17 – 00:57:10:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I’m going to live today.

00:57:11:26 – 00:57:23:22
Brad Singletary
That’s another one of those things that I’ve just been so impressed with, as I’ve kind of just watched you from a distance here the last few years. I mean, you see things like, you know, you’re dancing that at the hockey games.

00:57:24:15 – 00:57:25:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Like a fool.

00:57:25:25 – 00:57:27:26
Brad Singletary
And when I say like a fool, I mean, there is.

00:57:27:26 – 00:57:30:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Nothing foolish about it. That’s a man who’s alive.

00:57:30:28 – 00:57:34:29
Brad Singletary
You’re not afraid of what you look like. You don’t have much rhythm. Why are you kind of that’s pretty.

00:57:34:29 – 00:57:38:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Good, you know, rhythm. But that’s not the point you’re feeling.

00:57:38:04 – 00:57:47:11
Brad Singletary
The music, you’re feeling the environment or or there’ll be these like, I forget what you call them, but these are little like, you know, donuts with the granddaughters day or whatever.

00:57:47:11 – 00:57:49:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that’s every Friday. Every Friday.

00:57:49:12 – 00:57:53:24
Brad Singletary
OK, so you got some little rituals where the grandkids come over for mourning or what happened?

00:57:53:24 – 00:57:58:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
No, no, no. I get up, I get my exercise in. I hit the donut shop and then I show up at their house.

00:57:58:17 – 00:57:59:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
You go to their house, I.

00:57:59:16 – 00:58:00:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Go to their house.

00:58:00:23 – 00:58:01:18
Brad Singletary
Like, here’s some.

00:58:01:23 – 00:58:04:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Here’s some big old fries. You go.

00:58:04:09 – 00:58:11:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, that’s right. Yes. And then we we actually send donuts to the ones that live in California because we can’t be there. Right, all the time having delivered there.

00:58:11:17 – 00:58:14:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
So we haven’t delivered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a pretty.

00:58:14:27 – 00:58:18:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cheap way to say, Hey, Grandpa and Grandma, I was thinking about you, right?

00:58:18:20 – 00:58:20:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I guess so. Yeah. No, we have a good time.

00:58:20:27 – 00:58:41:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I think ever since I was young, I think it was my dad, too, probably. But trying to make somebody smile, right? You know? I mean, it matters. Maybe that’s the only time they’re going to smile the whole day. Maybe for a week. It’s the only little bit of joy they’ve had. You just never know what is going on in somebody else’s life.

00:58:41:11 – 00:58:51:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I think that’s kind of an innate gift. I really do. Right? You know, maybe sometimes it’s not a gift at all. Sometimes it goes too far. And I got to answer to the boss, if you know what I mean.

00:58:51:25 – 00:58:57:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’m not talking to God. I’m talking to the other boss. My eternal boss. So sometimes I go.

00:58:57:25 – 00:59:00:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
Too far and I kind of back it off a little.

00:59:00:21 – 00:59:05:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Bit. But it’s OK. She’s she’s learned she’s had.

00:59:05:12 – 00:59:06:08
Brad Singletary
To learn how to love.

00:59:06:08 – 00:59:07:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
You, too. Oh, yeah.

00:59:08:08 – 00:59:09:07
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. That part of you.

00:59:09:17 – 00:59:10:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, right. Yeah.

00:59:10:12 – 00:59:52:18
Jimmy Durbin
Grab nice and talk about you know, today I call myself Jimmy but for 42 years prior to that, it was Jim. And then when I got into recovery realizing the individual, the part of me that crosses the line, that pushes it too far is my ego, is my pride, and it’s being driven because of maybe that my feeling or I’m feeling insecure insignificant or that I don’t matter, I did something wrong or I’m not in control.

00:59:53:23 – 01:00:13:20
Jimmy Durbin
And so I’m trying to my ego’s trying to make up. Jim’s trying to drive the car, so to speak. And I’m just curious as to what you’ve noticed, because I think that’s the other thing about being a man is being able to talk about our weaknesses, about being able to kind of own that piece of it so that we can then apologize, like you said.

01:00:13:20 – 01:00:32:00
Jimmy Durbin
And, and of course. Correct, right. In that part of awareness and being mindfulness. And so how does that show up in your life? How does that manifest when when that ego, when that pride kind of kicks in? And what’s your process for OK, being aware of that and then of course, correcting.

01:00:32:11 – 01:00:32:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah.

01:00:33:28 – 01:00:58:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
In in my business, right. A lawyer, there’s just so much of that and I’m guilty of it as the next person. But I think the man upstairs has been kind to me in that I usually know when I go too far. I remember I remember years ago I had a case with this guy and it was just getting more and more contentious, more and more contentious.

01:00:59:15 – 01:01:05:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
And finally I said something I shouldn’t have said. So he turned me into the Nevada State Bar.

01:01:05:18 – 01:01:07:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
And wrote a letter.

01:01:07:02 – 01:01:10:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
On me, said, Mr. Williams told me to go f myself.

01:01:13:07 – 01:01:21:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I made a call. I got a call from bar counsel. Is this puts Williams? Yes, sir. Now, when bar counsel calls you, you’re.

01:01:21:13 – 01:01:21:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shaking.

01:01:22:02 – 01:01:26:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
Right did you tell that lawyer to go F himself?

01:01:26:25 – 01:01:27:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yes, I did.

01:01:28:17 – 01:01:35:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Can you not do that anymore? No, I won’t. And I’ve never done it again. But things have heated up over the years.

01:01:35:11 – 01:02:03:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Another situation that I had with a lawyer that I just love and respect, but it just, you know, our clients are going at it so heavy. And so we start sometimes take upon ourselves the personality of our clients, and it just went too far. And so I just thought about it. After a contentious conversation, shut my door, got on my knees in my office, prayed to God that, you know, hey, listen, we’re only fighting about money here or something, right?

01:02:03:13 – 01:02:25:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
In the big scheme of things. And the impression was send him a cookie basket to his firm right now. So I asked Robin, my assistant, would you send a cookie basket over there? And that healed it just like that one cookie basket. And we were healed and we were fine. We’ve had probably 40 cases with our respective firms over the years, and they’ve all resolved, you know, in a friendly fashion.

01:02:25:29 – 01:02:46:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I think just like you said, we all all of us have egos and they’re going to come through sometimes. And if we just have certain rituals in our lives and things we can we can keep some humility, right? It’s not always going to happen, but we know when it’s gone too far. We know when the red flag comes up, right?

01:02:46:14 – 01:03:05:24
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. And like, I appreciate that word, ritual finding a series of actions that I can take every day regardless of how I feel. And I to me, that plugs into why you do the service and why you pay for it and why you talk to these men. It’s just having this ritual to keep the ego in check.

01:03:06:14 – 01:03:35:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. And everybody has their own way. I mean, I get up every morning and I’ll read scriptures for 20, 30 minutes and then I’ll exercise and then I’ll get going for the day. And if someone says, well you have to be up at 430 tomorrow, then I guess I get it. I’m getting a bit 3:00 because I’m concerned about ever changing that that, that thing, if you will, for lack of a better word, that I feel has carried me in life.

01:03:35:29 – 01:03:44:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, academically I really, really struggled in high school I graduated deal with Las Vegas High School with a 2.2 GPA.

01:03:44:28 – 01:03:46:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I never thought this guy.

01:03:46:14 – 01:04:03:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
Was going to college. Right. It was I just, you know, I just couldn’t sit in a room without and focus on an academic things very well. And then I went on that mission well, when I was on that mission, they had this little prize you would get if you memorized a hundred scriptures.

01:04:04:15 – 01:04:06:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
Well, I really had to work hard at that.

01:04:06:25 – 01:04:20:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I did it took me six months or something, but I memorized every one of them. Well, again, you’re in your younger years, right? And you’re thinking maybe I could go to college but when I came home, by the grace of.

01:04:20:23 – 01:04:28:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
God, you and Elvie would let anybody and even me. It was a long time ago. It’s not that way anymore. I’m sure but they let me.

01:04:28:06 – 01:04:29:05
Brad Singletary
I’ve been a fan for.

01:04:29:05 – 01:04:31:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Life ever since. Oh, you bet I am.

01:04:31:27 – 01:04:53:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I signed up for college again. Never thought. And none of my family member had ever got family members had ever gone to college that all of a sudden I said, Hey, listen, it’s taking you three and four times to understand complicated concepts when the guy next to you gets it. The first time I recognized that very early in my life.

01:04:54:05 – 01:05:15:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I said, you better learn persistence so I’ve made my mind up very early. You might beat me, you might beat me in the courtroom, you might beat me in a debate. But I’m going to work harder because I know I have to work two or three times harder than you to be able to stay with you in this arena.

01:05:16:21 – 01:05:32:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I think, again, by the gift of God, you learn your weaknesses. If you if you ask them and if you spend some time at them and then you just work through them, just you know, if brains, natural brains is not your not your thing, well then persistence better be.

01:05:33:23 – 01:05:55:27
Brad Singletary
And that’s so great. You’re just the openness to like, OK, I may have this deficiency in some area, but I still want and deserve and believe that I can reach these other accomplishments. I just have to work harder. I mean, that is one of those traits that’s that’s some of the, you know, traditional masculinity that seems to be missing today is just, oh, OK.

01:05:56:04 – 01:06:15:01
Brad Singletary
Well, guess it means I need to work hard. I guess I need to push harder and I can do this. I just have to it’s going to require more from me and I love that you that you’re saying this right now. Like, OK, I, you know, didn’t even do well in high school. Now you’re an attorney, now you’re balling.

01:06:15:01 – 01:06:29:07
Brad Singletary
Now because of hard work and persistence and that discipline. So you’re talking about a little bit of a morning ritual. You have some you talked about reading scripture exercise. Is that running pretty much mostly or.

01:06:29:07 – 01:06:47:25
Donald “Butch” Williams
I’ll run four or five days a week and go to the gym and lift weights a couple of days a week. Just something to get the blood flow right. It’s getting harder as you get older, but I don’t miss very often. Even this morning before church, I walked six miles. I just I just need to be out breathing air and thinking and focusing.

01:06:47:25 – 01:07:00:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I usually listen to a talk or something positive or listen to good music. Nothing too crazy on the you know, I might be the only person in the gym that’s listening to a, you know.

01:07:00:05 – 01:07:06:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
A spiritual, spiritual thought or spiritual music. Because I’m trying to get my spirit.

01:07:06:17 – 01:07:08:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
Tuned up before the world takes.

01:07:08:21 – 01:07:10:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
Over at about 8:00 because the.

01:07:10:28 – 01:07:12:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
World’s coming right.

01:07:12:06 – 01:07:12:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
Every day.

01:07:13:10 – 01:07:30:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I’m just trying to tune upright, and some people don’t have to do that. Mike, my wife, is a very simple faith. I wish I could be more like her. Like her faith in her hope is just so she doesn’t need an hour to do that every day. Well, guess what I do or my ego will take over.

01:07:31:16 – 01:07:33:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I just have to know where you are right now.

01:07:33:16 – 01:07:34:28
Jimmy Durbin
Great awareness. Yeah.

01:07:35:16 – 01:07:55:07
Brad Singletary
I have a couple more questions for you, but one is what major error do you see men making? You’ve been around a lot of guys. You’ve been around a lot of people professionally as a leader. And you talk about as a as a bishop. I know you’ve done some things with the young people in your church. You’ve had like lots of opportunities to serve.

01:07:55:07 – 01:08:18:04
Brad Singletary
Just you’ve been a community man. I mean, you’ve been all around the place. What do you see guys messing up on what? I mean, if our average listener is a 40 year old father, let’s say younger father, you know, maybe has a couple of kids working fairly functional, but what kinds of things do you think average guys are missing out on or not doing well?

01:08:18:04 – 01:08:23:04
Brad Singletary
Not paying enough attention to mistakes they’re making see any patterns.

01:08:25:05 – 01:08:28:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
I think one is just trying to learn to listen.

01:08:29:06 – 01:08:31:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
It brings me back.

01:08:31:09 – 01:08:35:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
To the Bishop days. A couple would come in and be at each other’s throats.

01:08:35:21 – 01:08:39:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, it’s his fault. It’s her fault, it’s his fault, it’s her fault.

01:08:40:00 – 01:08:44:09
Donald “Butch” Williams
And at first I thought I had answers that, well, I this is.

01:08:44:09 – 01:08:49:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
A real easy fix, you know, maybe, maybe you guys should do this. Maybe you should do that. That didn’t seem.

01:08:49:23 – 01:09:04:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
To work very well. And then it hit me one day. Just let him have it out a little bit. Just listen. Just slow down and listen. And once I did that, they would go, boom.

01:09:04:07 – 01:09:15:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Boom, boom. And then they would look at me like I was a miracle worker. Hey, that was great. Oh, my high five. I didn’t say anything. I just listened so.

01:09:16:27 – 01:09:47:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, it’s the best thing in life. Well, that’s that’s an exaggeration, but one of the wonderful things in life is maybe you are the smartest person in the room, but nobody has to know about it. You know, when you walk into a room and you’re humble and you’re listening, then people want to talk to you, then you know what the issues are, whether it be your wife or your child or somebody you’re trying to mentor, you don’t know the issues.

01:09:47:05 – 01:10:09:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
If you begin to talk to you quick, you just got to listen. And guess what? Listening takes time so that’s to me, it’s I know it sounds so simple, but it’s not simple. But if but if we and I I’m still working on this. Trust me, if we’ll work on the concept of listening, we’re probably going to go pretty far in life.

01:10:11:00 – 01:10:23:23
Brad Singletary
What keeps guys from listening and why don’t they? You’re saying it takes some time to do that and maybe patience, but what else? What other obstacles do men have keep them? Why don’t we listen very well?

01:10:23:23 – 01:10:24:20
Jimmy Durbin
Can I jump in here?

01:10:24:20 – 01:10:26:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, yeah, jump in. Yeah.

01:10:27:15 – 01:10:51:06
Jimmy Durbin
Feedback. I got quite a bit in my late twenties and thirties. Jimmy, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care because it was always about me. I always wanted to impress you. I was coming from a place of, you know, negative beliefs about myself or whatever the situation was. Or I had to prove myself.

01:10:51:06 – 01:11:17:21
Jimmy Durbin
And so I had to be the smart, you know, whatever that was. And so I wasn’t listening. I was talking about me and I just kept hearing this feedback from different people in my life at different times of, like, just shut up and lead with your heart. And I think when I first walked in that same space with you, that’s what hit me was here’s a guy who I can see his heart.

01:11:17:21 – 01:11:24:24
Jimmy Durbin
I can see the love in your eyes. I can it radiates in your face, this countenance, the glow, despite the fact that you’re bald.

01:11:25:03 – 01:11:45:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
You ready? And you see the glow there. You see, I had like five years left at the front and I lifted off and my wife’s like, word your hair go. I said, Honey, somebody took a picture of my bald head two weeks ago and showed it to me. So I just finished the job yeah. I think it’d stay in that way now, but I don’t know.

01:11:45:03 – 01:11:46:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Looks good. It looks good.

01:11:47:26 – 01:11:49:00
Brad Singletary
Kind of like it myself.

01:11:49:00 – 01:11:52:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah, it’s not bad. But. No, I know.

01:11:52:12 – 01:12:16:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
It’s it. It takes time. It’s a it’s a skill. I’m still working on it sometimes. But you met. You answered your own question. You might not know that, knowing that you did, because we’re moving along, but you said two things. Time and patience to be a listener. It’s going to take some time time’s only measured in men, so we have a limited amount of it.

01:12:16:02 – 01:12:20:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
So that leads into the next thing. A 40 year old guy with three kids at home.

01:12:20:20 – 01:12:21:28
Donald “Butch” Williams
He don’t have a lot of time.

01:12:21:28 – 01:12:35:23
Donald “Butch” Williams
In his mind. He’s like, I got to go here. I got this, I got that, and impatience. And most of us are not born with that one, right? So we have to learn it over time. So time and patience.

01:12:36:09 – 01:12:57:01
Brad Singletary
I think, too, that if you believe that there is something valuable coming from the other person, I mean, to listen also requires that you respect who’s talking and you respect who’s who’s out there. Even if it’s your children, they’ll tell you important things if you just listen. I remember listening to a an audio book or, I don’t know, some influencer of some kind.

01:12:57:01 – 01:13:07:18
Brad Singletary
And he said he was talking about like your wife complaining at you or something. And he said, you want that data, that’s information you want. Don’t act like don’t shut yourself down.

01:13:07:28 – 01:13:08:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
Hear it.

01:13:09:17 – 01:13:16:01
Brad Singletary
Hear it, and then you can do something and then you can minimize it by taking action and listen. But you have to listen first.

01:13:16:08 – 01:13:43:05
Jimmy Durbin
And I think what comes with that time and patience, at least for me, was the realization that no matter who was in front of me, there is value. They have something to offer. But because of my ego and my pride and my judgment, you don’t have you don’t have anything offer. And that is that is the ego. That is my pride of of believing that and instilling that.

01:13:43:05 – 01:13:44:28
Jimmy Durbin
And so I don’t have to listen.

01:13:45:23 – 01:14:09:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
That is so good. Before I came here, I was at a different meeting, and this church leader stood up and he said, I want to show you this picture, and it’s a picture of Christ. And he’s getting ready to heal someone, but you can’t see the person he’s healing. He goes, Do you notice that kids and he’s talking to a group of kids, even this 56 year old kid.

01:14:09:16 – 01:14:43:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I’m like, I know where he’s going with this. He says, Christ can’t see the person when you go serve someone you never want to think that they are less than you or anyone else. In other words, you want to be on the same plane. Everybody’s got a story, and it’s usually a pretty good story. And when you take time to listen to anyone, you’re going to probably get some nuggets that are going to bless your life.

01:14:43:20 – 01:14:55:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean, I’m sitting there listening to you guys today and I’m just thinking, man, I’m just learning from these guys. They think they know I’m learning. I’m sitting here learning from these guys, you know.

01:14:56:05 – 01:14:57:11
Jimmy Durbin
Which is why men need men.

01:14:57:20 – 01:14:59:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
That’s why I’m in me then.

01:14:59:11 – 01:15:17:10
Brad Singletary
That’s right. That is exactly why. So tell me something that you’re still trying to figure out about life. You know, you’re saying you’re 56, you’re still growing, still learning to be a man, but literally something that you want to still maybe begin or still round off in your life.

01:15:17:24 – 01:15:51:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, I saw that question is a precursor. What am I what am I still trying to learn so this is going to sound a little generic, but but I do mean it. I’m still trying to learn more about the nature of God. I’m still trying to understand how you know, his compassion can be there for even a guy like me raised in downtown Las Vegas, maybe I’m still trying to get better at my profession.

01:15:52:06 – 01:16:15:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
I mean, I’ve thought about this concept of retiring and, you know, these types of things and just doesn’t feel right. It just feels like I can still learn and maybe be of some benefit to my clients. If. Right, if they want me to do something that maybe I can help them with it, you know? So I think it’s just this concept of ever learning ever learning whatever’s around us.

01:16:16:11 – 01:16:20:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. So we’ll see.

01:16:20:13 – 01:16:45:24
Brad Singletary
So what is the most alpha attribute about you? And we just I just did a podcast before this one that I’m kind of trying to define that because I hate the way the world looks at the alpha male that’s such an ugly caricature. But Alpha being the highest part of you, you know, the best, purest, most, you know, the most, the strongest brightest piece inside you.

01:16:45:24 – 01:16:54:16
Brad Singletary
What is, what is that for you? Something that you can really be proud of and own as a talent or gift. What’s special about you? What is your superpower?

01:16:55:24 – 01:16:56:18
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t know.

01:16:57:14 – 01:16:58:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I saw that.

01:16:58:05 – 01:17:00:27
Donald “Butch” Williams
Question, too, and I wanted to punch that thing down the.

01:17:00:27 – 01:17:03:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Field. You know, but then I.

01:17:03:22 – 01:17:09:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
When I painted it, I felt like our punter in high school one time, he put it and it went right off his foot into the stands, to the right.

01:17:10:05 – 01:17:13:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I never seen 180 degree punt before. And we.

01:17:13:19 – 01:17:16:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Saw it. I’m not going to mention his name, Jim Capper.

01:17:16:02 – 01:17:19:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
But if you’re out there, our best punt die or saw in my life.

01:17:20:04 – 01:17:44:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
I don’t you know, this is really a tough one, right? Because it makes you talk about maybe equality. You you have figured out about yourself over the years that maybe you could pass on. Right? I mean, really isn’t that kind of the core of the question I would say just keep working at it. Whatever you’re doing, just keep working at it.

01:17:45:19 – 01:18:10:22
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, if you’re in a tough spot right now, tomorrow’s probably going to get brighter. And if it’s not tomorrow, it’s going to be the next day if you keep working at it. Right. I remember an old, old guy named Jeff NGO Bush gave a little talk one time and the first reminder that he gave himself every day is, I am a child of God.

01:18:11:13 – 01:18:18:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
I am a child of God. My mom used to say to me, hey, Butchie, you know, I don’t like you sometimes.

01:18:18:19 – 01:18:22:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
But I do love you. There’s some days I don’t like you, but I love you.

01:18:23:08 – 01:18:44:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And so I look at God that way. You know, there’s some days he’s not going to like the decisions I make because they’re my decisions and they’re prideful and they’re, you know, but I know he loves me. And I as I jump into scriptures every day or listen to a talker, I’m reminding you of that love. I, I, I see that love in the eyes of all those at the Las Vegas rescue mission.

01:18:45:12 – 01:18:56:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
I remember walking to church one day as a bishop. This guy was walking right to I’d always walk to church because it was a one mile walk to my church from my house. And with having six kids at home, it gave me a chance just to.

01:18:56:16 – 01:18:58:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Clear my mind a little bit and go try to be.

01:18:58:19 – 01:19:22:15
Donald “Butch” Williams
A bishop right in. This guy is walking at me and he’s big guy. He’s burly, and he’s tattooed from head to toe, and I’ve never felt like I was a real judgmental person, but I’ve judged and I’ve judged wrongfully, you know, that guy’s walking that me. All of a sudden I went from his tattooed body into his eyes and I could just see the light of Christ in this guy.

01:19:22:27 – 01:19:45:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
And I said, That guy right there is your brother. And things changed that. How I viewed people from that day forward, I just, you know, nobody’s less than you. Nobody’s better than you. If you’re going to compare yourself with someone, if you really find it necessary to compare yourself with someone, go ahead and compare yourself to God. You’ll get yourself humble because you know, he creates worlds without end.

01:19:46:00 – 01:19:46:16
Donald “Butch” Williams
And you’re.

01:19:46:16 – 01:20:01:13
Donald “Butch” Williams
Sitting here just trying to make $10, keep a little money in your pocket to pay the bills next month. Right? Right. So I mean, just keep working, right? Do the best you can, stay humble and keep working. Things will work out. They do.

01:20:02:13 – 01:20:30:01
Brad Singletary
You just have so many stellar qualities, man. When I someone asked me before what what I thought it meant to to be an alpha. And I read this book recently called King Warrior, Magician, Lover and to me, that kind of this book is about archetypes and that we all possess these different archetypes. So that of King Now that would be like the good leader, you know, a benevolent king he’s giving to his kingdom and whatever he’s king.

01:20:30:01 – 01:20:55:07
Brad Singletary
That’s the leadership area. And then warrior is the guy who’s fighting for the good, you know, fighting for the right thing. That’s your profession. You know, maybe you’re you’re a warrior that way. You’re a warrior. We’re talking about that. The Las Vegas rescue mission, helping, helping in good causes. You’ve been involved with a lot of those things. Magician means you have specialized knowledge, not only that, you have specialized knowledge, but that you share it.

01:20:55:13 – 01:21:16:16
Brad Singletary
So unlike a street magician, this kind of magician is someone who would teach their tricks. And you’re doing that with your son in law who’s in your practice and all the young attorneys that you’ve been able to influence. And then lover lover is a guy that’s showing up with donuts at the grandkids every Friday or, you know, dancing in the stands at the the Golden Knights hockey games.

01:21:17:09 – 01:21:35:26
Brad Singletary
You you just you just a grateful person. I’ve just seen some amazing things from you and I really appreciate you being here to to to join with this man. And I and I hope that we can, you know, I don’t know, continue our friendship. I guess we haven’t been super close, but I’ve known you for probably 15 years.

01:21:35:26 – 01:21:57:20
Brad Singletary
And a guy came to me one time to work with me. And you were called as his leader. You were in that period and he said, I believe that God knows who I am because this person was, you know, he’s my pastor, he’s my bishop. And he is a person that I believe is going to help me in my life.

01:21:57:20 – 01:22:16:13
Brad Singletary
And and I remember hearing just how you two this guy was kind of like the man who influenced you way back and that you treated him that way. Maybe you had him in your home and all these kinds of things. And it’s just it’s just great to know that there are men like you around. You’ve got these great polarities.

01:22:16:13 – 01:22:54:21
Brad Singletary
So on one hand, you know, you’re running every morning. You’ve got you’ve drive, you ride a Harley, you have a black Corvette. And yet, you know, your biggest goal is to continue to learn to understand God. Like you don’t see those kinds of things in people, you know, motorcycle, motocross rider back in the day, marathoner Harley Davidson, you know, Corvette driver and highly spiritual talking about tenderness, you know, the love and people that kind of that is the most brilliant, beautiful stuff that I’ve ever seen in guys.

01:22:54:21 – 01:23:05:02
Brad Singletary
And you just you really represent that a lot. So thank you for who you are and for being willing to come and share with us a little bit here. Do they Jimmy, do you have any closing thoughts or questions or.

01:23:05:02 – 01:23:28:13
Jimmy Durbin
No, I just Butch here. I appreciate thank you for showing up in the world you know, thank you for the difference that you make. I still think you punted that that question. You know, I think your superpower, you love your love. You found a way to fall in love with yourself and it it shows up. And so thank you.

01:23:29:01 – 01:23:54:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
Man. You’re welcome. And I and I’m never going to forget the term it was worth driving out here for a lot of reasons. First you see again, Brad. But second of all, I’m never going to forget that terminology. A hard back and a soft front that that just that’s the the the new saying for this week just hard back sometimes your back’s got to be hard that world’s coming at you but you can keep your front soft.

01:23:54:16 – 01:23:55:05
Donald “Butch” Williams
I love it.

01:23:55:05 – 01:23:56:09
Jimmy Durbin
Yeah. Keep your heart open.

01:23:56:10 – 01:23:58:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, so good. So good.

01:23:58:25 – 01:24:00:21
Brad Singletary
I’m just soft everywhere I’m soft in.

01:24:02:11 – 01:24:10:21
Donald “Butch” Williams
I need to harden up a little bit like these two guys. A little myself. Great. Soft. Yeah. What’s that joke from the eighties?

01:24:11:14 – 01:24:13:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
We used to tell each other. You get Dunlap Disease?

01:24:13:24 – 01:24:24:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
Yeah. You know what’s dumb about disease? When you’re barely done, that’s over your male rash. I don’t know where they get these things. The eighties were a great time to be alive. Hey, would.

01:24:25:25 – 01:24:36:01
Brad Singletary
You guys, we just want to highlight some of the best men that we can get our hands on. And I think we’ve scored big time here tonight. This Lou Williams, I meant to ask you how to why the name Butch.

01:24:36:09 – 01:24:41:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
You know, you wonder if you’re going. That’s Alpha from day one when they start calling you. But you’re a.

01:24:41:07 – 01:24:42:21
Brad Singletary
Total stud when they do that.

01:24:43:04 – 01:24:45:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
So that is a story.

01:24:47:16 – 01:24:47:24
Donald “Butch” Williams
When.

01:24:47:24 – 01:25:05:04
Donald “Butch” Williams
I was born, my mom wanted to name me Don because she had an Uncle Don. That was just a talk about a humble guy. I remember him as a kid. He’d come into our home and he he was so humble. Adam Langley was his name. Well, I had another Uncle Don, and.

01:25:06:02 – 01:25:10:14
Donald “Butch” Williams
He was a little rougher. So my my mom my mom.

01:25:10:14 – 01:25:11:29
Donald “Butch” Williams
Wanted to name me after the.

01:25:12:20 – 01:25:15:11
Donald “Butch” Williams
More humble Don. Good. Don. Yeah, yeah.

01:25:15:29 – 01:25:21:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
And my dad said, Well, I’ll tell you how we’re going to solve this problem. I’m just going to call him Butch.

01:25:22:03 – 01:25:25:01
Donald “Butch” Williams
And that was it. I thought I had it.

01:25:25:01 – 01:25:25:26
Donald “Butch” Williams
Shaken in high.

01:25:25:26 – 01:25:27:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
School. Nope.

01:25:28:19 – 01:25:29:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
College? Nope.

01:25:30:24 – 01:25:36:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
Law school? No. Got into the professional world. A few clients call me.

01:25:36:03 – 01:25:37:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
Don, and it’s still Butch.

01:25:37:06 – 01:25:39:07
Donald “Butch” Williams
So I imagine that’s.

01:25:39:07 – 01:25:40:10
Donald “Butch” Williams
Will be on my tombstone.

01:25:40:10 – 01:25:42:03
Donald “Butch” Williams
When I get creamy.

01:25:42:03 – 01:25:46:02
Donald “Butch” Williams
Cremate it off the coast of Hawaii. I heard you can do that for 300 bucks.

01:25:46:02 – 01:25:50:06
Donald “Butch” Williams
I said, Why not? You know, I like the North Shore. Throw you.

01:25:50:06 – 01:25:51:08
Brad Singletary
In a volcano or what.

01:25:51:08 – 01:26:01:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Do they do? It’s a Neptune society. 300 bucks. You know, they sizzle you and put you out on the ocean, man. That way, when I’m resurrected, man, I’m in one cool area. So I’ve got.

01:26:01:17 – 01:26:04:08
Donald “Butch” Williams
That in my trust right now. But my wife says I have to change it.

01:26:06:16 – 01:26:09:04
Jimmy Durbin
Tell her the new thing now is composting. So you just want to be.

01:26:09:18 – 01:26:10:00
Donald “Butch” Williams
Stuffed.

01:26:11:17 – 01:26:12:09
Brad Singletary
Into a tree.

01:26:12:09 – 01:26:13:27
Jimmy Durbin
And then spread the dirt all over.

01:26:15:14 – 01:26:20:17
Donald “Butch” Williams
Oh, that’s a little stuff going on there. Yes, it is. And it’s great to.

01:26:20:17 – 01:26:21:19
Donald “Butch” Williams
Be with you guys. Thank you.

01:26:21:19 – 01:26:22:13
Brad Singletary
Thank you, man.

01:26:22:13 – 01:26:24:02
Jimmy Durbin
Thanks for coming in, you guys.

01:26:24:08 – 01:26:27:10
Brad Singletary
Until next time, no excuses, Alpha.

01:26:29:14 – 01:26:34:16
Speaker 3
Gentlemen, you are the Alpha and this is the Alpha Quorum.

01:26:40:11 – 01:26:41:12
Donald “Butch” Williams
There it is.

 

Click your podcast platform below or listen to the embedded file on this page.

094: FORGIVING YOUR DAD – How to Do It

094: FORGIVING YOUR DAD – How to Do It

094: FORGIVING YOUR DAD – How to Do It

Brad does another epic solo show where he gets down and dirty with some of his own history. He shares why and how to forgive our fathers (or anyone for that matter) and teaches some very useful approaches about how to do it.
FULL TRANSCRIPT
00:00:00:00 – 00:00:28:28

Brad Singletary

There is no doubt that there were injuries and wounds that came to you. So now here’s the opportunity for you, the person who needs to forgive your dad. Here is your opportunity to mature and grow and evolve past whatever hurt what happened to him. Why did this happen? In order to forgive, you’ve got to consider the dignity of the offender and that he is more than his mistakes.

 

00:00:30:04 – 00:00:51:26

Brad Singletary

You need to offer grace to all. Because we all need a little grace. At any given time, people are doing their very best. If you’re a father. I believe that right now and in the past, every day that you’ve been a father, you’ve been doing your very best and you can do better. It’s just a sacred purifying process.

 

00:00:52:21 – 00:00:58:14

Brad Singletary

Serve the peace that comes from. So forgive your father and be a better one.

 

00:00:58:23 – 00:01:24:03

Intro

So if you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

00:01:27:23 – 00:01:58:09

Brad Singletary

Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here. Going solo again today, fellas. So I. It’s Father’s Day week, and I had this awesome plan to have my boys in here. I still might do that at some point, but I had this awesome plan to have my six boys come in and talk about dads and their relationship, what they see as important, and the relationships of their friends with their dad and so forth.

 

00:01:58:20 – 00:02:32:18

Brad Singletary

And just get some younger folks, some younger men’s perspectives on fatherhood. It didn’t work out today, mostly because my kids so my three older boys, their mom and I are divorced and they don’t live with me all of the time. And we had through Sunday night to spend time together and we didn’t have the greatest day on Sunday.

 

00:02:32:18 – 00:03:09:22

Brad Singletary

And so it wasn’t the right feeling. We didn’t have quite the right vibe between us to come in here and record a Father’s Day message about fathers and sons and so forth. And so you got me. I am an imperfect person constantly making mistakes, constantly using emotion in properly. I have many flaws as a dad. And so I just thought about what kind of message could be could come up here that might be significant for us here around Father’s Day.

 

00:03:09:22 – 00:03:44:07

Brad Singletary

And I think about the problems that are associated with poor fathering in the world. I think one of the most problematic things that happened in the entire world is the missing or avoidant or absent or abusive father. At some point here soon, we’re going to talk about the boy crisis, the work of Dr. Warren Farrell, and we’ll share some things, some statistics and so forth in that which have to do with the impact of the bad dad.

 

00:03:45:19 – 00:04:13:00

Brad Singletary

And I think we all have to some degree, some healing to do regarding our relationship with our fathers. So I want to talk about today forgiving your father. There’s no doubt that there were injuries and wounds that came to you as a result of the connection or disconnection that you may have had with your father or a fatherly type.

 

00:04:14:25 – 00:04:46:28

Brad Singletary

There’s a large number of young men in America who are raised without a dad. A great number of children are raised in situations where their parents are divorced, and so they have less. So they’re spending less time with their own fathers, and that creates some problems. So why the need for forgiveness? I was reading something recently about this guy named Dr. Robert Enright.

 

00:04:47:14 – 00:05:22:02

Brad Singletary

In 2020, he got approval to do a forgiveness therapy, like a research study in a maximum security prison. He had been trying to do this for like 36 years. So this study is apparently the strongest set of data on emotional healing related to forgiveness ever published from a correctional context. The idea was to help the prisoners forgive their own childhood abuses rather than, you know, seeking forgiveness for their their own crimes.

 

00:05:23:09 – 00:05:53:04

Brad Singletary

And this guy, Enright, Dr. Robert Enright, was a pioneer in the study of forgiveness, and he was twice nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. One of the things that he talks about is that forgiveness involves extending undeserved mercy and grace to the offender. It’s kind of a controversial definition. Sometimes the people who are most resistant to forgiveness are often the most hurt.

 

00:05:53:04 – 00:06:19:00

Brad Singletary

And they’re so hurt that forgiveness just seems like a complete impossibility. It’s maybe a disgusting thought to think about. And so what happens instead? What goes instead of forgiveness and peace is resentment, hatred, anxiety, depression. Just some of those things kind of build up. And when you’ve been badly hurt by other people, forgiveness is the best treatment since this guy, Dr. Enright.

 

00:06:19:15 – 00:06:47:16

Brad Singletary

His research on forgiveness was first rejected. The science of forgiveness has kind of exploded into this huge field. There’s over 3000 published articles showing that forgiveness has physical and mental health benefits. A lot of those things, you know, reduce stress. There was a UCLA study of of people that found that stress levels rose and fell with resentment and anger.

 

00:06:47:16 – 00:07:18:15

Brad Singletary

And both of those things decreased with forgiveness. So some of that stuff is pretty obvious. Psychologists have found that lifetime stress is linked to mental health problems. But an interesting correlation is that that those mental health problems were decreased in some cases, almost erased in some cases by forgiveness. And Dr. Enright studied the male prisoners were taught to and kind of helped through the process of forgiveness.

 

00:07:19:05 – 00:07:49:27

Brad Singletary

Their anger and depression subsided, their anxiety improved, their in their ability to have empathy increased. And six months later, after this little series of things that they did, six months later, the improvements remained with them. Another four week forgiveness study was done with a group of terminally ill cancer patients, and even though they only had like six months to live, all of their psychological health measures improved.

 

00:07:50:06 – 00:08:23:15

Brad Singletary

So it’s pretty clear that forgiveness improves well-being regardless of the circumstances. And but the resentment, the rumination, someone has said that rumination is the bad boy of mental health. And the research has linked this unwanted, like, obsessive thinking, rumination and remembering old situations. There’s research linking that to some old transgression or some old injustice that has been unhealed.

 

00:08:24:26 – 00:09:03:23

Brad Singletary

When we forgive Dr. Worthington remarks, it quiets rumination. So there are more psychological benefits and more than holding grudges. Which is long term resentment, hostility and revenge just kind of boils over the desire to be vengeful. Unforgiveness is characterized by ruminating on the past. Unforgiveness is a stress response, and your body can respond in many different ways. Our sympathetic nervous system is activated, and we have more fight or flight reactions.

 

00:09:03:24 – 00:09:19:07

Brad Singletary

Cortisol levels can rise, which severely impacts our health. Chronically high cortisol levels. It increases our vulnerability to diseases and it compromises our immune systems at the cellular level.

 

00:09:21:22 – 00:09:55:26

Brad Singletary

Dr. Worthington says forgiveness activates the parasympathetic nervous system which moderates all that sympathetic hyper arousal that occurs. So what is forgiveness? David White said To forgive is to assume a larger identity than the person who was first hurt. And through psychological virtuosity, extend our understanding to the offender. So this really captures his forgiveness. Doctor invites forgiveness therapy program.

 

00:09:56:18 – 00:10:27:20

Brad Singletary

Some critics say that forgiveness just lets the perpetrator off the hook. But it’s not about reconciliation. Aristotle says forgiveness and justice go together. In an ideal world, the offender here would express some remorse, maybe admit to they’re wrong. But the paradox of forgiveness, the paradoxical strength of that is that it doesn’t require an admission or an apology in order to heal.

 

00:10:28:15 – 00:10:51:27

Brad Singletary

So if forgiveness isn’t reconciliation, I think a lot of people misunderstand the intent of forgiveness. It’s not about I forgive you. And we can go back to how everything always was or how we wanted it to be, how it used to be. It doesn’t mean reconciliation. It means that you’re ridding yourself of the poison that is infecting you.

 

00:10:52:05 – 00:11:29:05

Brad Singletary

And I want to talk about how to do that. So how do we forgive someone? I believe that forgiveness is basically to consider the dignity of the offender. We’ve got to consider their humanity. Forgiveness really reconstructs your own and the other person’s humanness. So we have to extend our understanding to the offender. And here’s here are some of the things that I work with, with people about this situation.

 

00:11:30:04 – 00:12:08:25

Brad Singletary

So in order to forgive, we have to be able to consider the person with an empathetic, compassionate kind of consideration. Zig Ziglar used to tell the story about a man who and I pictured this was maybe back in the twenties or thirties, a man whose son came home from school and he was all beaten up and he had a maybe a black guy and a bloody nose and he asked the boy what he did, what he had done, and what happened.

 

00:12:09:01 – 00:12:27:12

Brad Singletary

And he said, Well, the kids at school beat me up. This group of boys on the way home, they beat me up. The father asked if he fought back and the boy said that he didn’t. They were too many. He was scared, whatever. And so the dad began to call him Sissy and sent him to school the next day in a dress.

 

00:12:28:06 – 00:12:49:17

Brad Singletary

And he said, Well, if you’re going to be a sissy, you’re going to wear a dress to school. And at some point, the teacher asked him, Oh, my goodness, Mr. Jones, why would you do this to your son? Don’t you love him? And he said, Well, of course I love him. That’s why I did it. That’s what that’s what my job as a father is, is to correct him.

 

00:12:49:17 – 00:13:08:24

Brad Singletary

And and in this case, this is what I did to teach him this lesson. Of course, I love him. My dad loved me, and he did the same to me. So if we’re trying to consider, why was your dad so messed up or why did we do those things? You have to look at the context of his life.

 

00:13:08:24 – 00:13:37:26

Brad Singletary

First of all, our adult brain isn’t even fully formed until we’re at least 25 or 26 years old. So I’ve told my kids I don’t want them getting married or even being anywhere close to anything like that or having children until after they’re 25 or 26 years old. It’s just a fact that judgment, decision making, so many of those things are not even fully connected in our brain circuitry until we’re 25 or 26 years old.

 

00:13:37:26 – 00:14:06:02

Brad Singletary

That’s been a very important lesson for me. That’s why you can’t rent a car until you’re 25 years old. Insurance companies who insure those vehicles understand the risk and they know what happens in the brain. But we are acting like people are adults when they’re 18 years old and it’s just not true. My dad always said it takes 40 years to build a man and I believe it 40 years to build a marriage, 40 years to build a man, you got to hang with it.

 

00:14:06:21 – 00:14:47:27

Brad Singletary

And so if your dad was a young father, we’re going to take a whole bunch of it away from him because he’s doing this at a time when he’s not even mentally, fully prepared to make good decisions if he’s, you know, a younger person. If we look at his own treatment, if we look at his own trauma, if we look at his own relationship with his father, if we look at how much better your father was than his father, I promise you, in many ways, your dad is better than your grandfather and your grandfather was better than his father.

 

00:14:47:27 – 00:15:16:11

Brad Singletary

And we’ve been improving. And so now here’s the opportunity for you, the person who needs to forgive your dad. Here is your opportunity to mature and grow and evolve past whatever hurt what happened to him? Why did this happen? Some people feel like they were abandoned by their fathers, and that may be the case. And we’re just now beginning to understand parental alienation.

 

00:15:16:11 – 00:15:36:25

Brad Singletary

And we don’t know what mom did, the things that mom said or did to dad in order to make it difficult for him to be involved with you. And that’s just one of the things that I hear. You know, my mom and dad got divorced and my dad disappeared. A very common thing. It’s not always the case, but many times there’s there could be alienation going on.

 

00:15:36:25 – 00:16:02:29

Brad Singletary

There’s he’s got a mental health problem that no one knows about. We know that he drinks. Let’s just say. But nobody’s considering the fact that he has some trauma. He’s got some, you know, a mood disorder. He’s got anxiety. He’s trying to make ends meet. He’s sending child support. He’s trying to find some love in his life. And he’s preoccupied with dating in order to forgive.

 

00:16:03:00 – 00:16:33:13

Brad Singletary

You’ve got to consider the dignity of the offender and that he is more than his mistakes. Look at yourself. Are you more than the mistakes that you’ve made? Of course you are. Joyce O’Neill said, We judge others by their actions and ourselves, by our intentions. We need to offer grace to all because we all need a little grace.

 

00:16:33:19 – 00:17:02:16

Brad Singletary

So if we can look at why this was happening, what was going on in your father or the fatherly person in your life? If we can understand their background, if we can understand what was happening for them that day, their vulnerabilities, what was going on, they were raised by someone who was raised during the Depression. Let’s just say there’s family stories, there’s skeletons in the closet.

 

00:17:02:16 – 00:17:17:14

Brad Singletary

There are things that we can’t even imagine. Oh, and they didn’t have any of the distractions. They didn’t have porn to chill out with. They didn’t have the electronics and the ability to get information. They didn’t have any of those things like we have now.

 

00:17:19:15 – 00:17:44:07

Brad Singletary

One of the most important things I’ve ever learned about the human condition is that and I believe it’s true at any given time, people are doing their very best if you’re a father. I believe that right now and in the past, every day that you’ve been a father, you’ve been doing your very best and you can do better.

 

00:17:45:00 – 00:18:11:06

Brad Singletary

So that applies to you and that applies to your father or the men in your life who may have harmed you in that may need your forgiveness, not because they deserve any forgiveness, but because you deserve the peace that comes with that. So I don’t know. It’s Father’s Day. I’m just thinking about there are some really solid, stellar dads out there, but most have done some boneheaded stuff to you.

 

00:18:11:23 – 00:18:41:25

Brad Singletary

But most guys have had problematic situations. Uh, I have a scar on my head, and now that I’m balding and I buzz my hair and I’ve done that for a decade or so, there’s a scar on my head that comes from my dad. And what was going on. My dad was so let’s just say a 38 year old man who was trying to raise six children.

 

00:18:43:08 – 00:19:19:12

Brad Singletary

Things were very tight. We were on a crabbing boat. Our family, our family’s income was based out of our crabbing business in the Gulf of Mexico, off the coast of Florida. And one day, I wasn’t moving fast enough. One day I wasn’t with it. It was a rainstorm. I remember I had this yellow slicker like rain jacket on, and my dad just reaches up with the little pole, the little hook that you grab the traps out of the water with and just tap me on the head to say, tighten up.

 

00:19:20:12 – 00:19:42:26

Brad Singletary

But the leverage of the long pole at the end of his extended arm in a boat on the waves in the ocean. Anyway, it hit me kind of hard and it split my head and there’s blood coming down off of my head. We’re on this boat in this rough, stormy water. And so he shuts the engine down and he says, Come here.

 

00:19:42:26 – 00:20:02:20

Brad Singletary

And he’s trying to fix it. He’s trying to patch up this this thing in my head, applied direct pressure. My head’s bleeding. And, you know, if you get a head injury, it really bleeds a lot. It’s raining. I felt like Rocky Balboa. I’ve got this yellow rain jacket on with the hood, but underneath it, it’s just blood coming down my face.

 

00:20:03:25 – 00:20:29:12

Brad Singletary

It’s quite a small, little cut there, but that kind of hurt me. It was a scary situation. It wasn’t malicious on my dad’s part. It wasn’t some extreme thing that set me way back. It was kind of a small, little cut on my head, but it was the kind of thing where I knew that he couldn’t take me to the emergency room because he just hit me in the head with a stick and now I’m bleeding.

 

00:20:30:20 – 00:20:56:00

Brad Singletary

And so he takes me into the bathroom when we get home. And you know this I’m talking about a little three quarter inch cut, one inch maybe on my head, and it probably needs a couple of stitches. But he knew we couldn’t do that. That would have the authorities getting called out. Dad had hit his son in the head and I was bleeding.

 

00:20:56:22 – 00:21:41:29

Brad Singletary

Well, I have long ago forgiven that I. I know that it wasn’t this intentionally harsh, intentionally abusive thing, but it hurt me, hurt my feelings, hurt me that my dad would cause me to bleed. And so why would that happen? Well, my dad, shortly after that, began to have heart attacks. He actually had three heart attacks. Who knows what was going on with his system, with his blood pressure, were crabbing, not because it was a cool, awesome thing, because it was a way for poor folks to make money.

 

00:21:43:05 – 00:22:07:08

Brad Singletary

And so there’s just fish out there and you can sell them, you can sell the crabs. And so we went and basically harvested seafood out of the ocean in order to sell, in order for us to eat. So there’s a lot of stress and nothing ever really came of that. We never we didn’t talk about that very much.

 

00:22:07:11 – 00:22:44:07

Brad Singletary

But I just know that my my anger and heard about that didn’t didn’t last very long. But I see men all the time who and maybe there are other things and in my life or things that hurt me in the past. But I promise that your father did something to hurt you. And I wonder if this Father’s Day we could do some pondering, we could do some reflection, we could do some consideration of the circumstances and work through a process of forgiveness.

 

00:22:44:07 – 00:23:11:20

Brad Singletary

Now, if this is going to bring up, you know, some seriously old wounds that are still fresh and still get inflamed, when you think about these things, you may want to do this with an advisor, with a mentor, with an agent of some kind of friend, a professional, maybe a therapist. I’d be happy to talk with you about it in order to face life with the kind of energy that is required of us.

 

00:23:11:20 – 00:23:37:00

Brad Singletary

If we’re hanging on to resentments, that’s going to weigh us down, and that’s going to muddy our vision and muddy our view. And so my challenge to you, brothers, is to take a look and see if there are any resentments that you have. List those things out with your father and for that matter, for anyone. But maybe this is a time that you can do that.

 

00:23:38:22 – 00:24:05:28

Brad Singletary

In 2006. I was newly I had just newly moved to Las Vegas. And I don’t even know if I had a cell phone at the time. Everybody’s alarm now, you know, it’s a cell phone. But the alarm clock, the little AM FM radio alarm clock was set to this country. Radio station. And for three or four days in a row, they must have been playing the same tapes.

 

00:24:05:28 – 00:24:32:27

Brad Singletary

It seemed like it was Groundhog Day. Remember the movie with the same song kept coming on every morning. The song that came on was Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw. It’s I think it’s a 24 song, excellent song, where he talks about this guy who gets this diagnosis of cancer and it talks about his process. And his friend said, man, what did you do?

 

00:24:32:28 – 00:24:56:17

Brad Singletary

What do you do when you get that kind of news? And he said, Well, I went skydiving. I went Rocky Mountain climb, and I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu. I loved deeper. I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness that I’ve been denying. And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.

 

00:24:56:17 – 00:25:18:16

Brad Singletary

So that just I woke up three days in a row to that. I really felt like that kind of forgiveness. I didn’t want to have to do that kind of forgiveness that someone is dying or I’m dying. And this was last chance. Forgiveness. And so I kind of became a student of that. I was already working in therapy and as a counselor.

 

00:25:18:16 – 00:25:53:15

Brad Singletary

That’s what brought me here to Las Vegas, my job and I definitely have gone through periods of time where I didn’t do very well with that. I had resentments that had been stacked up some of them for decades. And it wasn’t until probably I reached 40 years old myself and I was a failing father that I recognized how difficult fatherhood is, how difficult it is for me to keep my shit together, for me to keep my cool.

 

00:25:54:26 – 00:26:22:04

Brad Singletary

So if I can’t keep my cool and I’ve got an excuse for myself when I’m upset with my kids and I’m angry, should I not extend that same grace to my own father? And how did he get that way? Well, probably from his father. And how did he become that way? And so we have this long, continuous line of human beings hurting other human beings.

 

00:26:22:26 – 00:26:47:24

Brad Singletary

And I think it might be time if you’re listening to this right now, you’ve got something to forgive. I don’t mean reconcile. I mean forgive. Your father may have passed away. There may not be an opportunity even to reconcile. That may not be in your best interests, even if it is possible. But are you holding on to something, man?

 

00:26:47:24 – 00:26:59:28

Brad Singletary

Are you holding on to resentment? What if you could write down all of the things that you’re resentful about? What if you could work through that list with someone?

 

00:27:02:13 – 00:27:40:06

Brad Singletary

I think you’ll find that that process can be very healing and helps you really get to the bottom of the real problem. Many times is our self, our expectation. See, I was hurt because I believed that fathers must be perfect, fathers must be skilled, fathers must maintain their emotional state. Fathers must never be abusive. Fathers must never lose their cool.

 

00:27:40:06 – 00:28:11:25

Brad Singletary

And look, he lost his cool. So this must be something’s wrong with me. So the whole cognitive processing of the things that you’ve experienced with your dad might be weighing you down. Maybe you are a father who has made mistakes yourself. You’ve got to forgive yourself for your own bad fathering. Maybe you got to forgive your dad. You guys, I hope there’s something I’ve shared here today is helpful for you.

 

00:28:13:07 – 00:28:37:29

Brad Singletary

I hope that you enjoy Father’s Day. My assumption about every dad out there is that he’s doing the very best that he can. If you’re a dad, I believe you’re doing the very best that you can. And I also know that you can do better. Who you are is good enough for today. Good enough? Okay. Makes sense. It’s not going to be good enough in a year.

 

00:28:39:11 – 00:29:12:10

Brad Singletary

So if you’ve been the person who has harmed someone else, especially your child, if you’ve been the person who’s abandoned someone, if you’ve been the person who has held grudges and resentments and avoided a person like your father or a fatherly figure in your life, get that forgiving man. Reach out to me. Taco Mike, Jimmy Durbin, any of us that you’ve talked to us, you can just message me and I’ll get in touch with anybody you need.

 

00:29:12:26 – 00:29:41:15

Brad Singletary

If you want help to do that, it’s just a sacred purifying process. You deserve the peace that comes from that. So forgive your father and be a better one yourself. If you don’t have children, look around you and there are young men everywhere screaming for attention. They’re screaming to be recognized. They’re screaming to be believed in. They’re screaming to be supported.

 

00:29:41:15 – 00:30:10:29

Brad Singletary

Even grown men, grown children. Men need men. Reach out to the men in your life. Try to open yourself and be a little bit more sharing of what’s inside you and more willing for them to share what’s inside them. Appreciate you guys. I hope you have a great Father’s Day as always. No excuses, Alpha.

 

00:30:10:29 – 00:30:17:04

Speaker 2

Gentlemen, you are the alpha. And this is the alpha Quorum.

 

Click your podcast platform below or listen to the embedded file on this page.

093: OFFICER DOWN – Moving Forward, No Excuses (with Samuel Anthony)

093: OFFICER DOWN – Moving Forward, No Excuses (with Samuel Anthony)

093: OFFICER DOWN – Moving Forward, No Excuses (with Samuel Anthony)

 Our guest today is a medically-retired police officer who was severely injured by a gunshot wound to the head while on duty. Statistically, there was a 90% chance that he would perish from the shooting and the extensive damage to his brain. After extremely skilled surgeons removed parts of his skull and after he pushed through an excruciating recovery process including months and months of physical therapy and years of psychotherapy and participating in support groups, he is living a life where he is always looking to find the good in the world and look for joy in other people’s lives to celebrate with them.

He is an aspiring writer and has been published in American Thinker magazine and his first novel is in the editing phase. He enjoys traveling with his wife, continuing to perfect one-handed firearm operation, enjoying time with friends and fellow officers and exemplifies living life with no excuses.

https://www.americanthinker.com/author/samuelanthony/

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00:16 – 00:00:37:25

Brad Singletary

Our guest today is a medically retired police officer who was severely injured by a gunshot wound to the head while on duty. Statistically, there was a 90% chance that he would perish from the shooting and the extensive damage to his brain. After extremely skilled surgeons removed parts of his skull and after he pushed through an excruciating recovery process, including months and months of physical therapy, he is now living a life where he is always looking to find the good in the world, and he looks for joy in other people’s lives that he can celebrate with them.

 

00:00:39:00 – 00:00:58:28

Brad Singletary

He’s an aspiring writer and has been published in American Thinker magazine, and his first novel is in the editing phase. He enjoys traveling with his wife, continuing to perfect one handed firearm operation, enjoying time with friends and fellow officers. And he exemplifies living life with no excuses.

 

00:01:04:07 – 00:01:25:18

Intro

If you’re a man that controls his own destiny, a man that is always in the pursuit of being better, you are in the right place. You are responsible. You are strong. You are a leader. You are a force for good. Gentlemen, this is the Alpha Quarter.

 

00:01:27:21 – 00:01:36:11

Brad Singletary

Welcome back to the Alpha Quorum Show. Brad Singletary here. This is going to be exciting right now. I have a guest here today along with my good buddy Mike Olson. Hi, Mike.

 

00:01:36:15 – 00:01:41:02

Mike Olsen

Thanks for having me again, Brad. It’s always great to be in the Alpha Den. That’s what this is.

 

00:01:41:28 – 00:02:02:20

Brad Singletary

Somebody suggested we call it AQ HQ. But anyway, It’s kind of my this is kind of also the, the doghouse. So when I get in trouble at home, this is where I come hang out and people wonder why I have couches here. It’s not that kind of therapy. It’s just for me to come sleep here when I’m in trouble.

 

00:02:02:06 – 00:02:02:20

Samuel Anthony

All right.

 

00:02:02:25 – 00:02:17:08

Brad Singletary

It’s nice, too. So, anyway, welcome, you guys. I’ve been trying to book this guest for a while. He’s the husband of a fellow social worker. And you’re going to be super impressed as you meet Samuel Anthony. Welcome, brother.

 

00:02:17:24 – 00:02:22:06

Samuel Anthony

Hey, thanks a lot. I appreciate you having me. And finally, great to be here for you.

 

00:02:22:11 – 00:02:51:05

Brad Singletary

Yeah. So I know something about your story that I want you to tell fully on your own here with with whatever details comfortable for you. It’s kind of a traumatic incident that you went through. The reason I wanted to have you here is because people go through difficulty and hardship. The thing that you’ve dealt with has been super extreme, but you’ve come out of that with a super positive and healthy, very adaptive.

 

00:02:51:05 – 00:03:10:28

Brad Singletary

From the best I can tell about you, a very adaptive outlook and the things that you’re doing with your life are super impressive. So let’s just jump right into it, man. We talked a little bit in the intro about just some bullet points there, but go back to your career as a police officer and talk about how that ended.

 

00:03:12:00 – 00:03:33:20

Samuel Anthony

I was the victim of a pretty bad assault. One night I ended up with a very serious traumatic brain injury and the left half of my body was become paralyzed. Still is, almost ending my life. So things just kind of went from there.

 

00:03:34:17 – 00:03:35:27

Mike Olsen

Were you on duty?

 

00:03:36:04 – 00:03:36:18

Samuel Anthony

Yes, I.

 

00:03:36:18 – 00:03:37:12

Mike Olsen

You were on duty? Okay.

 

00:03:38:19 – 00:03:41:18

Brad Singletary

On duty. There was stuff going down. How how long ago was this?

 

00:03:42:06 – 00:03:43:24

Samuel Anthony

So 13 years ago.

 

00:03:44:04 – 00:03:51:02

Brad Singletary

So 13 years ago, on duty and pick it up from there. Like how it and what happened?

 

00:03:52:11 – 00:04:17:16

Samuel Anthony

I am assaulted. That’s it. I’m down for the count. My brothers and sisters came really in to scoop me up. Got me off to, uh, to the nearest hospital. And thankfully, the doctors were there. Saved my life. Brothers and sisters there. Quick actions kept me alive. Doctors were there that they’re saying, I’m still breathing. It’s been one blessing after another hour for me. So.

 

00:04:17:24 – 00:04:19:08

Brad Singletary

So you said assaulted?

 

00:04:19:23 – 00:04:20:04

Samuel Anthony

Yes.

 

00:04:20:04 – 00:04:22:01

Brad Singletary

What was the nature of that?

 

00:04:23:03 – 00:04:24:02

Samuel Anthony

The gunshot wound.

 

00:04:25:00 – 00:04:27:04

Brad Singletary

Gunshot wound to your head.

 

00:04:27:05 – 00:04:28:17

Samuel Anthony

To the head. Yes.

 

00:04:28:17 – 00:04:31:13

Brad Singletary

And here you stand today, handsome as hell.

 

00:04:31:13 – 00:04:34:18

Samuel Anthony

No, I’m no, I do have a face for in your podcast.

 

00:04:34:18 – 00:04:43:24

Brad Singletary

In your in your Hawaii shirt.. You guys look like you’re going on vacation today, so here you are. This is how many years ago?

 

00:04:44:00 – 00:04:44:18

Samuel Anthony

13.

 

00:04:44:19 – 00:04:50:19

Brad Singletary

13 years ago you were shot in the head on duty as a law enforcement officer.

 

00:04:50:24 – 00:04:51:07

Samuel Anthony

Yes.

 

00:04:52:04 – 00:05:05:29

Brad Singletary

And so. Yeah. So you have some memory of this event. I guess you remember to some degree, did it did your memory stop at some point through that?

 

00:05:05:29 – 00:05:24:13

Samuel Anthony

Memories is a funny thing will it happens? I remember bits and pieces of certain things accurately in bits and pieces, not very accurately and a lot of a lot memories are gone. The brain does protect itself when you’re involved in something like that. So a lot of it is gone.

 

00:05:25:25 – 00:05:39:26

Mike Olsen

Is it, Sam, if I can ask you, when you do have those thoughts or when you get in situations like you are today with us, is it uncomfortable for you to talk about details or do you just feel the details aren’t necessary or do you not remember the details?

 

00:05:40:24 – 00:05:44:27

Samuel Anthony

Most of it is I don’t remember a lot of the details. Okay. All right.

 

00:05:45:11 – 00:05:54:02

Brad Singletary

So except for the time that, you know, when you were just going through the medical treatments and all that, you remember life before you were you know, you’ve.

 

00:05:54:02 – 00:05:54:20

Samuel Anthony

Oh, everything before. Absolutely

 

00:05:54:20 – 00:05:56:06

Brad Singletary

Maintained pretty good memory, but.

 

00:05:56:06 – 00:05:56:12

Samuel Anthony

Just.

 

00:05:56:23 – 00:06:05:06

Brad Singletary

Like you’ve got a bullet in your brain and that affected quite a bit of of your memory of the event itself. Sure.

 

00:06:05:14 – 00:06:06:10

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely.

 

00:06:06:10 – 00:06:14:01

Brad Singletary

So is this like a, you know, bank robbery? Like what? I don’t know if you can talk about, you know, just the nature of how did you get a bullet in your head?

 

00:06:15:18 – 00:06:19:24

Samuel Anthony

So ambushed by a dope dealer. 

 

00:06:21:04 – 00:06:24:11

Brad Singletary

Okay and so you’re out there patrolling. Were you alone or.

 

00:06:24:14 – 00:06:26:14

Samuel Anthony

I was going to back up another officer.

 

00:06:26:19 – 00:06:33:06

Brad Singletary

Okay. And then bam. And you just hit the ground. You remember being in the back of a car being transported?

 

00:06:33:06 – 00:06:36:10

Samuel Anthony

I do remember being the transport off to the hospital.

 

00:06:37:04 – 00:06:49:14

Brad Singletary

So what was the length from that night until you were kind of living independently as you are now? What was the length of time of just hospital and treatment and rehabs and those kinds of things?

 

00:06:49:20 – 00:07:27:26

Samuel Anthony

Hospital was about three months’ worth of being in the hospital, all intensive rehab every day, seven days a week didn’t matter. It was. And we kept going after it. And then after that I was in outpatient and rehab for physical. Physical stuff for a few years after that. Mm hmm. So it took some time to get to where I was, because when I came out of my sedation, was medically sedated for for quite a few days and ended up having the right portion of my skull removed to allow for the brain swelling.

 

00:07:28:22 – 00:07:41:15

Samuel Anthony

And I had that out for a while. And then months later, they, the doctors went in and put out what’s called the cap, but it’s just basically a plate that to replace that part of my skull that was missing.

 

00:07:42:03 – 00:07:44:21

Brad Singletary

So there was like swelling of your brain. So they had to like.

 

00:07:45:01 – 00:07:45:25

Samuel Anthony

Try to ease that.

 

00:07:45:25 – 00:07:48:26

Brad Singletary

Pressure, cut a cut a hole in their skull to allow some.

 

00:07:49:08 – 00:07:55:04

Samuel Anthony

Half half the skull was gone. That just pulled the right out and that was it. Well, and I took it to.

 

00:07:57:10 – 00:07:58:11

Brad Singletary

To do graphic.

 

00:07:58:13 – 00:07:59:13

Samuel Anthony

Graphic with. Yeah.

 

00:08:00:25 – 00:08:22:27

Mike Olsen

Sam, I have a question for you. I have seen the TV shows with police. When they have an incident that is kind of emotionally traumatic, they have an entire side of the police force that is basically there to help in the the emotional recovery for a police officer. Did you go through that.

 

00:08:24:02 – 00:08:40:11

Samuel Anthony

Tell you the the entire department that’s that’s who really shows up and surrounds you and the community was was very, very active too with coming together for me as well. So I had a lot of a lot of support, a tremendous amount of support.

 

00:08:41:06 – 00:09:01:00

Mike Olsen

And about how long did that intense support last? And maybe to some degree, it still is there. But how long did it basically last until your support system figured, oh, okay, he’s kind of on his own? Is there do they watch and see how you do or is there a specific time amount and then you just have to fit it in?

 

00:09:01:00 – 00:09:01:20

Mike Olsen

How does that work?

 

00:09:01:20 – 00:09:15:26

Samuel Anthony

No, everyone team even to this day, people are still, hey, you know, you need anything, what’s you know, what’s going on. You got something going on, you need help around the house or or whatever. They’ll come by and and do whatever for me that they look at. I’m still well looked after.

 

00:09:16:24 – 00:09:27:22

Mike Olsen

I got it. Okay. So you did mention that this particular incident happened out of state, but yet you still have people that keep track of you while you’re here.

 

00:09:27:22 – 00:09:28:15

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely.

 

00:09:29:13 – 00:09:30:08

Mike Olsen

Oh, that’s great.

 

00:09:31:13 – 00:09:52:13

Brad Singletary

That’s been one of the impressive things that I’ve known about you is just your connection to friends and loved ones. I mean, it seems like you’ve always got visitors come in, there’s you’re going out a town or there’s like you have a local little brotherhood here. And I guess when you’re law enforcement, you got respect anywhere you go, any town you.

 

00:09:53:08 – 00:10:13:17

Samuel Anthony

Even if you see anywhere you go here, even if you don’t know all the individuals, it’s wherever you go. And it’s sad and unfortunate to say. But I’ve been to enough funerals of officers who were killed on duty and the showing a support from people come in from all around the country is just unbelievable.

 

00:10:14:14 – 00:10:31:09

Mike Olsen

So you mentioned your brothers and sisters. You’re talking about the females, senior officers, correct? Understood. Your and again, I, I don’t know much about you. You mentioned your wife or maybe Brad mentioned wife. You’re currently married, correct?

 

00:10:31:09 – 00:10:31:22

Samuel Anthony

Same.

 

00:10:32:02 – 00:10:36:07

Mike Olsen

And were you married before this particular incident 13 years ago? No, my.

 

00:10:36:07 – 00:10:39:10

Samuel Anthony

Wife and I married after the shooting.

 

00:10:39:17 – 00:10:43:20

Mike Olsen

Got it. Okay. And how so? How long have you been married? If you if I can ask.

 

00:10:43:20 – 00:10:53:09

Samuel Anthony

And married? Seven years. This, seven years. This, this, this fall. Got it. You know, we’ve been together ten years as a together total this year. Oh, okay.

 

00:10:54:18 – 00:11:04:06

Brad Singletary

So she’s seen a lot of this from when this happened just 13 years ago. Been together ten. So she saw you after you were healed and kind of out and walk?

 

00:11:04:06 – 00:11:12:25

Samuel Anthony

Yeah. We worked together prior to the prior to my shooting, wife was also a retired probation officer.

 

00:11:13:07 – 00:11:16:12

Brad Singletary

Don’t they say no fishing off the company pier.

 

00:11:17:29 – 00:11:22:08

Samuel Anthony

We didn’t start seeing each other until well after the the shooting so.

 

00:11:22:09 – 00:11:24:03

Mike Olsen

Okay. He wasn’t fishing till later.

 

00:11:24:18 – 00:11:25:09

Samuel Anthony

Fishing later.

 

00:11:26:19 – 00:11:37:06

Brad Singletary

So you know, I know that you’re on a like a medical retirement right now, but you worked for some time after this, right? You went back to you went back to work as an officer.

 

00:11:37:11 – 00:11:38:04

Samuel Anthony

I then. Yes.

 

00:11:38:12 – 00:11:40:08

Brad Singletary

Talk about that a little bit, because that’s I mean.

 

00:11:40:20 – 00:12:03:12

Samuel Anthony

It was a great, great motivation for me to get back to work. And I it was very rewarding experience. I got to meet a lot of a lot of people that I otherwise probably wouldn’t have met throughout my career at a desk job after a after that for a while and met some great, great, great people. I was doing background investigations for new hires.

 

00:12:04:11 – 00:12:11:14

Samuel Anthony

Got to meet a lot of new officers, you know, young kids coming in that are just doing amazing work today.

 

00:12:13:04 – 00:12:40:19

Mike Olsen

I have another question for you regarding your time almost right around your specific incident when when you were in sedation, kind of coming out of sedation when you’re in that particular moment. I’ve heard quite a few different people. They might have either some deep emotional experiences, some deep spiritual experiences, or maybe even something similar to what what near-death experiences.

 

00:12:40:19 – 00:12:43:11

Mike Olsen

Did you, by chance, ever have anything like that?

 

00:12:43:19 – 00:12:48:29

Samuel Anthony

I had a very distinct out-of-body experience on the way to the hospital. Wow.

 

00:12:49:12 – 00:12:50:17

Mike Olsen

Well, can you tell us about that?

 

00:12:50:17 – 00:13:15:00

Samuel Anthony

Yeah, I. I remember one of the officers was in the back seat with me on the way. We were in a patrol car on the way to the hospital. And I remember her specifically saying it seems gunshot. And I looked up through the through the cage in the back of a patrol car and I saw my eyes in the in the rearview mirror of the car.

 

00:13:15:00 – 00:13:34:19

Samuel Anthony

And I thought to myself, well, I’m not feeling anything. Where is where is the pain? I just remember searching my body for the pain and fighting the urge to pass out. And that mirror started shaking and my eyes started to get blurry in the in the mirror. And at some point I just said, well, if I haven’t, Chad, who’s going to give me a hard time for passing out?

 

00:13:34:19 – 00:13:53:03

Samuel Anthony

And I just couldn’t fight that any longer. And I just let it go and everything went black. And I let her talk to that officer. And she said that I was laying down the entire time on the ride to the hospital, so I was never sitting up. And I did not do not see wasn’t happening happened as it as I experienced it.

 

00:13:53:03 – 00:13:56:22

Brad Singletary

You think you’re having this does everything yourself in the mirror but laying down.

 

00:13:57:00 – 00:14:03:14

Samuel Anthony

I was down flat and there was another officer was in the car who was I didn’t I didn’t realize at the time.

 

00:14:04:25 – 00:14:10:01

Mike Olsen

So upon the shooting, they put you in the back of a patrol car and that that’s how you got to that’s.

 

00:14:10:01 – 00:14:12:09

Samuel Anthony

How I got to the hospital. I couldn’t wait for the ambulance.

 

00:14:12:14 – 00:14:20:27

Mike Olsen

But your out of body experience gave you this feeling that you were sitting up looking at the at the rearview mirror and what you just described was taking place.

 

00:14:20:28 – 00:14:21:06

Samuel Anthony

Right.

 

00:14:21:22 – 00:14:22:04

Mike Olsen

Interesting.

 

00:14:22:06 – 00:14:40:28

Brad Singletary

Holy smokes. That’s so awesome. What do you make of that? What is your you know, I mean, I guess from my sort of thoughts of spirituality and such things, I would say, you know, your your soul is maybe leaving your body momentarily or something.

 

00:14:40:28 – 00:14:49:12

Samuel Anthony

But it is. But it wasn’t it wasn’t it wasn’t done yet. I wasn’t I wasn’t done fighting is what the way I took I took it. I mean, I continue to fight to stay alive.

 

00:14:51:01 – 00:15:01:05

Mike Olsen

But you almost, like, receive permission from yourself to say, okay, yes, this is where I’m at, but I’m going to rest a little while. And that’s when you blacked out.

 

00:15:01:05 – 00:15:08:25

Samuel Anthony

That’s when I said, okay, I’m going to just take it easy for for a minute here. And things kind of went dark on me. That’s wild.

 

00:15:08:26 – 00:15:21:14

Brad Singletary

That is so wild. And you’re you must have had some real respect. I mean, you’re you got some gangster status, you know, I guess I shouldn’t call cop gangster gangster.

 

00:15:21:22 – 00:15:22:18

Samuel Anthony

But I mean, you know.

 

00:15:23:09 – 00:15:38:17

Brad Singletary

You have this like, gladiator status, we’ll say, because you’re this, you know, warrior who’s out there and you’ve got this story and they’re like, man, this dude get shot in the freakin head. And here he is filling out my paperwork and teaching a class in the in the academy or whatever.

 

00:15:39:26 – 00:15:59:07

Mike Olsen

We talk about that. And then you obviously today are what Brad is describing and what’s very clear to me, the type of individual that is not too worried about your circumstances, the incident, the results of that. Tell us about your low time, however low time.

 

00:15:59:07 – 00:16:18:06

Samuel Anthony

I remember sitting I was in the hospital room. I had been transferred from the first hospital to another one for recovery. And I was just the weight of everything was just starting to come down on me. And I realized that Jesus, that when I you know, when I do it myself, I’m, you know, I’m disabled now for life.

 

00:16:18:06 – 00:16:38:26

Samuel Anthony

And and just I just kind of hit a low point. And it just everything was really feeling everything. And I and my my class counselor who runs the I my, my recruit class when I was in the academy and she was up there and, you know, it’s all right. And she’s like, you know, everything’s on me, okay? And I said, Yeah, you know, last week things were were different.

 

00:16:38:27 – 00:16:47:19

Samuel Anthony

Now it’s they just couldn’t believe it. And I just from there, I just had to it just move on from there, I realized just got to keep moving forward.

 

00:16:48:15 – 00:16:58:00

Mike Olsen

It doesn’t sound like it took you that long to go from. What the hell am I going to do to let’s move forward? How long did that take?

 

00:16:58:00 – 00:17:19:12

Samuel Anthony

It’s that that’s kind of a tough question for me to look back on. It’s it’s been so long ago, it just in my mind seems like one seamless transition. And I had some and some goals had to start and learn how to stand again like Constand’s. So that was step one with my my recovery.

 

00:17:19:12 – 00:17:25:29

Mike Olsen

And did you set those goals? Did you know you needed to set those goals or was that a help from your system, your your.

 

00:17:26:02 – 00:17:31:10

Samuel Anthony

Other that was a help from the from the yeah. Physical therapists. Therapists.

 

00:17:32:06 – 00:17:39:13

Mike Olsen

Okay. So clearly they’d been through things where if you’re in a low point, you need to have goals to move out of it. Okay, that’s cool, right?

 

00:17:39:13 – 00:17:58:12

Samuel Anthony

Yeah. But you know, was kind of the, the admin in the wing and the recovery wing where I was because everyone else that was there was there for traumatic brain injuries due to car accidents. So it’s kind of the app, all the gear this is, you know, not something that that they experienced or they’ve dealt with very much.

 

00:17:58:29 – 00:18:01:10

Mike Olsen

Okay. Interesting. Thank you.

 

00:18:02:21 – 00:18:13:12

Brad Singletary

So in that low period, I’m wondering if you ever got like suicidal or just felt like what is the point? Like, look at me, what a mess. And did it ever get to that kind of level?

 

00:18:13:13 – 00:18:23:28

Samuel Anthony

I had I had people in my room 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I always had someone there to to talk to or someone to motivate me.

 

00:18:23:28 – 00:18:26:09

Brad Singletary

So just hanging out. Just just.

 

00:18:26:10 – 00:18:26:21

Samuel Anthony

Hanging out.

 

00:18:27:01 – 00:18:27:20

Brad Singletary

Presents.

 

00:18:27:25 – 00:18:28:04

Samuel Anthony

Yeah.

 

00:18:28:06 – 00:18:29:26

Brad Singletary

Brings energy to you and.

 

00:18:30:02 – 00:18:38:08

Samuel Anthony

And family members and other officers who would be assigned to my room for the full shift. Just, you know, if I needed anything, they were around.

 

00:18:39:13 – 00:18:44:00

Brad Singletary

So they had an officer hanging out with you. 24 seven As.

 

00:18:44:11 – 00:18:45:04

Samuel Anthony

Yeah, they’re sure.

 

00:18:45:09 – 00:18:48:18

Brad Singletary

To know for sure you got if you need water, they’re going to bring it or.

 

00:18:48:18 – 00:18:49:25

Samuel Anthony

Whatever. Absolutely. Yeah.

 

00:18:49:25 – 00:18:54:16

Brad Singletary

Wow. That’s that’s an impressive like organizational thing that they did.

 

00:18:54:17 – 00:19:13:03

Samuel Anthony

Yeah, I was it was wonderful because I did get one of them in trouble one night because it was I wasn’t supposed to be drinking any liquids yet at the time when it’s like, Oh, hey, man, I’m thirsty. You want to me that bottle Gatorade over there? And he’s like, okay, you’re not realizing. So I kind of duped them and.

 

00:19:14:25 – 00:19:17:25

Mike Olsen

Well, what happened because of the drinking of the liquid?

 

00:19:18:10 – 00:19:26:21

Samuel Anthony

Nothing. I was fine. But he was the reason he broke the, you know, the rule. The thing is, I said, don’t worry about. I won’t tell anyone.

 

00:19:26:21 – 00:19:47:25

Brad Singletary

So were you aware of like how I guess I’m curious about what you thought was going to be happening with your body versus what it is now? Because maybe you’re talking about having to learn how to walk again. Is this are we are you way beyond what you thought you were going to be able to do? I ability wise, I thought.

 

00:19:47:25 – 00:20:02:23

Samuel Anthony

I was going to go right back to 100% the way I was before. But now I’m walking around with a John Wayne limb, you know, doing my best John Wayne impression when I walk and it is what it is. So I get from point A to point B may not be pretty, but I get there.

 

00:20:03:15 – 00:20:30:09

Mike Olsen

So, Sam, let me ask you, I know a lot of times when people are at their low point or they have a situation like this, it requires all the resolve they have, all the resolve they’ve ever learned about in the past. From a religious standpoint, do you have a religious belief that you lean on? Or if you don’t mind me asking, how do you kind of other than your support system of your brothers, sisters in that group, do you have something that you’ve leaned on that you’ve looked to?

 

00:20:30:27 – 00:20:54:10

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. God definitely factors in quite a bit. With my recovery, I, you know, I spend many, many nights in the hospital praying for for as much healing as is the good lord would give me. Okay. And I very much remember my dad being up at the hospital was also retired. A law enforcement officer standing by the side and they said, dad, is it pray with me?

 

00:20:54:10 – 00:20:58:08

Samuel Anthony

And we prayed together. And that was really comforting for me.

 

00:20:59:11 – 00:21:09:03

Brad Singletary

Comforting. It must have been a cool experience there with your dad and praying together. And I don’t know if that happened a lot for you, but absolutely, like that would be special in a time of need that you’re doing that together.

 

00:21:10:15 – 00:21:33:24

Samuel Anthony

In prayer and lots of humor and lots of good humor. Got me through it. Let’s say it quick. Serve on my dad. You know, he’s old school, tough old school type of guy. Yeah. It came out of the arm and the sedation, and he looked at me and he goes, Well, son, he goes, Good thing you didn’t get hit in the rear end because then you really have some brain problems.

 

00:21:33:24 – 00:21:36:21

Mike Olsen

That sounds like old school. Italian. Old school. Italian.

 

00:21:36:21 – 00:21:40:23

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. Yeah.

 

00:21:40:23 – 00:21:47:13

Mike Olsen

Well, your your where is your family heritage from? From the New York area.

 

00:21:48:00 – 00:21:50:00

Samuel Anthony

Italy. So central Italy. Yeah. Okay.

 

00:21:50:26 – 00:21:55:27

Brad Singletary

You worked for how long? When did you go from working? Some to not working?

 

00:21:56:23 – 00:22:11:18

Samuel Anthony

I was trying to think it’s it was went back probably back about five, maybe six years the the desk job. And then my body just just gave out and I said, I got to. Yeah.

 

00:22:12:21 – 00:22:30:25

Brad Singletary

Well, the reason I’m asking is because a lot of men that I work with who I may send to this show, you know, are dealing with disability or something where they’re unable to work. And, you know, some of these guys are they’re, you know, home with the kids. They’re kind of the housewife, almost, because their home and their spouse has to go work.

 

00:22:31:10 – 00:22:50:28

Brad Singletary

And that’s really that took a toll on their like identity and feelings of self confidence when it’s like, I’m not even working anymore. That’s maybe one of men’s primary purpose is to be a provider and now I’m not. Did that mess with you at all? Did you have any self-hate about any of that stuff?

 

00:22:51:10 – 00:23:10:09

Samuel Anthony

No. I mean, I you know, I miss being being on the street and being out there taking calls for service. But, you know, sometimes, you know, you just things open up and it’s, you know, kind of a new reality and you find other things to do. I focused on working in the in the backgrounds unit and doing training.

 

00:23:10:09 – 00:23:22:11

Samuel Anthony

I was instructing out at the Academy for a while and I went back to school. I got my master’s. So I had a lot to learn, a lot of stuff going on. I didn’t have too much time to sit there and feel sorry for myself.

 

00:23:22:11 – 00:23:23:20

Mike Olsen

What did you get? Your master’s in.

 

00:23:24:01 – 00:23:26:01

Samuel Anthony

Criminal Justice Administration.

 

00:23:26:01 – 00:23:37:28

Mike Olsen

Okay, that’s awesome. I think that’s that’s I hear that often when people have situations staying busy with something positive seems to be extremely helpful.

 

00:23:38:26 – 00:24:09:03

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. As you know, I was looking for you know, I looked forward to getting back out and instructing with what the new recruits and hopefully giving them some some tips on how to deal with critical incidents such as mine and what to do. Because officers are always running into situations where it’s stressful and it’s almost like it’s an overload on your brain, whether it be a car accident with multiple injuries or, you know, something with, you know, with a child injured.

 

00:24:09:13 – 00:24:30:17

Samuel Anthony

You know, you have to find a way to keep yourself healthy with all of the things that you see throughout the course of your day. So I was focused on trying to get to the kids, you know, that the new the new ones, the kids, they’re they’re adults. The new new officers. Right. You know, tips to to keep themselves healthy and keep going.

 

00:24:31:08 – 00:24:44:23

Mike Olsen

Get what are what are like the top three tips that you would probably help these particular officers or maybe anyone who who has to deal with stress high level stress on a day to day basis. What are some of the things that you would give them?

 

00:24:45:18 – 00:25:03:12

Samuel Anthony

I’d tell them that, you know, following a critical incident and saying, you know, if an officer involved shooting or you’re you’re one of those scenes, like I said, you know, child injured and you’ve got kids at home or nieces and nephews and it really hits you hard. You need to make sure you get home and get some sleep that night.

 

00:25:04:14 – 00:25:22:07

Samuel Anthony

And, you know, I talked to the sergeants a lot and the other bosses. And I’d say, listen, you know, guys, if somebody runs into this and, you know, they’re and we struggle with that, you know, don’t be afraid to say, hey, you know, head home for the night, be with your kids for the rest of the shift. Go spend some time with your kids, get some sleep, get to eat healthy food.

 

00:25:22:07 – 00:25:37:03

Samuel Anthony

You know, there’s always a temptation. Well, let me just stop over here at the you know, the quick, fast food joint and grab a burger or whatever and yet eat healthy, fuel your body, drink lots of water, stay away from the alcohol and the caffeine because that’s going to impact your your sleep.

 

00:25:38:12 – 00:25:42:12

Mike Olsen

So you basically need to unplug and let your body help do its thing.

 

00:25:42:12 – 00:25:43:07

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely.

 

00:25:43:14 – 00:25:44:01

Mike Olsen

Interesting.

 

00:25:44:01 – 00:25:59:20

Samuel Anthony

And the number one thing that I would tell them is don’t be afraid to go seek help and go talk to someone because that’s you know, it’s kind of the macho thing. I don’t I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m fine. I can handle it. It’s it’s there’s there’s no shame in going and seeking out the fear.

 

00:26:00:03 – 00:26:02:05

Samuel Anthony

You’re struggling mentally with things.

 

00:26:02:05 – 00:26:07:07

Brad Singletary

That’s I mean, obviously, I guess you’re a believer. Is that something that helped you throughout all this?

 

00:26:07:10 – 00:26:28:29

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. It is something that that’s helped me. I’ve I’ve been going for for many years now, talking with with people, because it’s the residual effects are still lingering. I find myself being very very and adjust at times for for no apparent reason. And you know I’ll go regularly for individual therapy and group therapy and it’s it’s it’s a big help.

 

00:26:30:05 – 00:26:40:27

Mike Olsen

Are you self aware when you need those times or are you like Brad and I who have built in wise monitoring systems who tell us, go get your crap together.

 

00:26:40:27 – 00:26:56:28

Samuel Anthony

I’m I think I’m pretty much self where I’ll I’ll tell my wife hey, you know I’m having a rough time tonight or, you know, right now I’m kind of struggling a little bit and she know sometimes the time she can pick up on it, but I’ll I’ll verbalize it to her and that’s awesome. Some days I’ll just say, hey, you know what?

 

00:26:57:04 – 00:27:06:01

Samuel Anthony

Just kind of a rough day. I’m going to head upstairs and I’m going to go read or whatever and just kind of unplug. I’m not trying to avoid you. I just. Just need some alone time and just kind of.

 

00:27:06:29 – 00:27:28:18

Mike Olsen

Have you have you always been like that? Or as you’re training in the police force helped you? Because what you just mentioned there that is huge. If if men could realize and self-monitor and say, hey, I’m not at my best and it’s not you, it’s me, give me just a little bit of time. I’ll be good and then go do what you need to.

 

00:27:28:18 – 00:27:31:02

Mike Olsen

How have you always been that way or is the training helped?

 

00:27:31:16 – 00:27:56:20

Samuel Anthony

I think to some, some extent, yeah. I do tend to a tend to withdraw a little bit when I’m when I feel like I’m struggling and just kind of go off on my own. But the training is it’s helped me and, you know, unfortunately, seeing too many other officers, you know, dealing with stuff like that and then making, you know, go on doing the wrong things to try to cope with with that, you know, is help me, you know, evolve to the point where I can just verbalize it.

 

00:27:56:27 – 00:27:58:11

Mike Olsen

Got it. Okay, that’s cool.

 

00:27:59:00 – 00:28:16:28

Brad Singletary

Yeah. Just to be aware of it, though, I call it reading the gauges, just to know where you’re at. I think most men and myself included, I I’ll just go off and I think, well, whatever’s happening is making me upset you people. This out here is what’s got me upset. I don’t realize that I walked in the door upset or anxious or angry.

 

00:28:17:08 – 00:28:22:06

Brad Singletary

And so if you can feel it and just, you know, send a warning.

 

00:28:22:27 – 00:28:23:05

Samuel Anthony

Like.

 

00:28:23:10 – 00:28:45:11

Mike Olsen

That, that’s something you mentioned, Brad. That’s I’ve never thought of it that way before. Reading your own gauges. And I think a lot of times men, people in general might not only not read their own gauges, they might not even think they have gauges, and they might not even have something that they need to check, that they need to monitor, to see.

 

00:28:45:17 – 00:28:48:02

Mike Olsen

Wait a second. Where am I? I have a.

 

00:28:48:02 – 00:29:09:09

Brad Singletary

Neat little thing that I’ve just started doing in the last probably couple of weeks with some of my clients. It’s fun to do. I’ll ask them without looking guess how much battery you have on your phone. And almost always people are very, very close to how much battery they have on their phone. And it’s really cool to see a husband and wife maybe here do that together.

 

00:29:09:24 – 00:29:19:03

Brad Singletary

And I relate that to how do you know that? It’s because you have this running clock, you have this running. You know how long it stays alive. You know how much you’re on it.

 

00:29:19:09 – 00:29:20:09

Mike Olsen

Always paying attention.

 

00:29:20:09 – 00:29:52:09

Brad Singletary

To it. You’re always paying attention to it. And you kind of just, you know, oh, batters getting low and you don’t have to look and know that, but and sometimes you can be caught off guard. But if we could just tune into our feelings that’s I am I agree with Mike what you said about I recognize I’m not in the best state and it’s probably best to have a little distance and think of how many guys wouldn’t be in jail if they could, if they could just know to take responsibility for what they’re feeling and not harm anyone with it.

 

00:29:53:13 – 00:29:56:04

Samuel Anthony

I will cut down on a lot of my calls for service. I’ll tell you what.

 

00:29:56:09 – 00:29:57:26

Brad Singletary

Yeah, some DV stuff.

 

00:29:58:04 – 00:29:59:00

Samuel Anthony

That’s all I hear.

 

00:29:59:05 – 00:30:05:11

Mike Olsen

Is, is domestic disputes. A huge amount of what police officers get called out for it.

 

00:30:05:11 – 00:30:27:28

Samuel Anthony

A lot a lot of those calls. Absolutely. It’s it’s unfortunate. You know, you see, sometimes if it’s family troubles, all the times it’s, you know, mental health stuff or, you know, car accidents or you you never know what you what you’re going what you’re getting for for your day. Once you walk out the door and step into the uniform.

 

00:30:29:03 – 00:30:57:21

Mike Olsen

That’s very interesting. I remember, Brad, that you had a another guest that mentioned in his profession high stress. It was a very similar situation where he had to learn to come in after a long shift or a couple of long shifts, unplug, decompress, whatever it might be. And before he came back into, you know, his home life situation, because the emotions and the situations were, you know, drastically different.

 

00:30:57:21 – 00:31:04:23

Mike Olsen

But he still had a responsibility to be at home and had a responsibility at work and learning how to switch those hats took some practice.

 

00:31:06:13 – 00:31:32:01

Brad Singletary

Yeah, I can imagine that. It was another first responder also. And he talked about, you know, going out to pit the horse or just clearing his clearing the cache, you know, almost like clearing out his emotional left over or whatever and before he going home. So I’m curious about how do you not hate people? I’m curious your feelings about firearms.

 

00:31:32:01 – 00:31:44:09

Brad Singletary

I’m curious if this was, you know, any sort of I don’t know, gang or does this is there any race element to this? And does this affect your feelings about that race? Sorry. Any more on any of those questions?

 

00:31:44:14 – 00:32:04:00

Samuel Anthony

None. None, none. So ever. My you know, as far as you know, do I hate people? Not at all. I, you know, routinely, you know, talk to recruit classes. And I tell them, hey, you know, no matter what call you, you had to just keep in mind that whatever is going on, whoever called for you to be there, you got a complete stranger envoy.

 

00:32:04:02 – 00:32:18:06

Samuel Anthony

You got someone who’s inviting a complete stranger into their home. This is, you know, the biggest thing that’s going on in their lives that they called you to come help them out. So you got to got to keep your head. And you can’t look at it as, oh, you know, this is stupid. It’s silly to them. It’s not.

 

00:32:18:06 – 00:32:27:26

Samuel Anthony

It’s whatever is going on is the biggest thing that we are going on in the world right now. So you’ve got to put your feelings aside and just you’re there. You’re there to help people.

 

00:32:28:25 – 00:32:50:19

Mike Olsen

I get the sense, Sam, that when you first even thought about getting into the police force or before you got to the the academy, since your father was also in that line of work, getting shot, not coming home from a shift had probably passed through your head many times prior to you even joining the force.

 

00:32:50:24 – 00:33:07:16

Samuel Anthony

I honestly thought it would go one or two ways. I’d get hit in the body armor and I’d be fine, or I’d get hit in the in the head. That’d be the end of it. I wouldn’t want to see then see the next morning. But I managed to hit the jackpot and stay alive.

 

00:33:07:16 – 00:33:21:11

Mike Olsen

So and so prior to prior to this dying in the line of work. Tell me your thoughts about you and knowing that that could be a possibility. How did you how did you approach that thought process?

 

00:33:22:27 – 00:33:40:04

Samuel Anthony

Try and try not to think about it. You know, it did cross my head. It was just, all right, let’s work. What can I do? Coming up to this call that that, you know, I got a feeling about that could could go sideways. What can I do? What steps can I take to keep myself and everybody else that’s going to be there safe.

 

00:33:40:29 – 00:33:42:22

Mike Olsen

And then just let the chips fall where they.

 

00:33:42:22 – 00:33:45:14

Samuel Anthony

May and whatever. Whatever happens, happens. That’s it.

 

00:33:45:14 – 00:33:58:04

Mike Olsen

Yeah, that’s a I think that’s a very it’s a very healthy approach to life. It definitely keeps fear and paranoia from ruling your life, I would think.

 

00:33:59:06 – 00:34:07:11

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. Yeah. I you said myself, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. And accept anything better.

 

00:34:07:14 – 00:34:24:02

Brad Singletary

You’re making me think of one of our red nine principles, which is responsibility. And it’s a bunch of these really seem to hit what I think I’m admiring you and why you’re here. Number one is you don’t see yourself as a victim. You know I’m.

 

00:34:24:12 – 00:34:25:12

Samuel Anthony

Not a victim, but.

 

00:34:25:12 – 00:34:35:16

Brad Singletary

You I mean, you’re a victim of a crime. A I mean, this could have been a this could have been a murder for that guy. I don’t know if it was an attempted I mean, he got his I’m sure.

 

00:34:35:28 – 00:34:38:00

Samuel Anthony

It’s well, he was charged with attempted murder.

 

00:34:38:09 – 00:34:40:07

Brad Singletary

But you are not bitter.

 

00:34:40:10 – 00:35:00:07

Samuel Anthony

You know, I’ve got so many good things in my life. It’s kind of a odd, odd situation where, you know, some great things came about this for me. I’ve got a great group of friends that I’ve that I’ve met and become close to. My wife and I are together now because of this.

 

00:35:00:07 – 00:35:09:06

Brad Singletary

It’s just we’re talking about being a victim. And he rattles off the list of blessings. That’s how you.

 

00:35:09:06 – 00:35:09:22

Samuel Anthony

Do.

 

00:35:10:00 – 00:35:21:13

Brad Singletary

That’s how you do. Grown ass man. Responsibility is when you have a chance to be in yourself and you when you truly are. I mean, half of our victimhood.

 

00:35:21:27 – 00:35:22:08

Samuel Anthony

Is.

 

00:35:23:03 – 00:35:44:22

Brad Singletary

We got our feelings hurt. We think we’re a victim. This is literally I mean, this this is a serious, serious situation that you survived and you’re kind of walking around with this pleasant, this pleasant mood, not seeing yourself as a victim. Some of these other principles are that you’re reliable. You know, you kind of do what you say.

 

00:35:44:22 – 00:35:49:27

Brad Singletary

You’re trying to show back up to work. You know, you’re working through all this and stuff so you could get.

 

00:35:49:27 – 00:35:50:08

Samuel Anthony

Packed.

 

00:35:50:23 – 00:36:08:23

Brad Singletary

And you go straight, but you start. Even if it was a new assignment, you’re reliable. Maybe you’re you’re you’re I’ve always had to have good boundaries, but the last two have to do with, um, accepting the things you cannot change and changing the things you can.

 

00:36:09:02 – 00:36:09:25

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely.

 

00:36:09:27 – 00:36:12:01

Brad Singletary

This is a lot of acceptance on your part.

 

00:36:13:07 – 00:36:31:16

Samuel Anthony

And a lot of that. And while he’s saying changing what I can and go back to you, you asked me earlier what are my thoughts on firearms and I’m a I’m a gun guy. I enjoy shooting. I do it regularly. And once I went back to work, I said, hey, I want I want my gun back. And I have to go out to the range and learn to qualify one handed.

 

00:36:32:02 – 00:36:46:01

Samuel Anthony

And I shoot the exact same course that every other officer shot. I didn’t have anything deviated or altered to accommodate me. I shot the regular course and I qualified every every time I was supposed to look like everyone else.

 

00:36:46:20 – 00:36:50:00

Brad Singletary

What about reloading? And, you know, you’re just doing all this one handed.

 

00:36:50:00 – 00:36:53:08

Samuel Anthony

And I have systems to do it one handed. A dude.

 

00:36:53:23 – 00:36:54:11

Brad Singletary

I love it.

 

00:36:55:06 – 00:36:59:25

Samuel Anthony

So there’s out of the range this morning practicing a one handed reloads and and shooting.

 

00:37:00:11 – 00:37:06:16

Brad Singletary

This like Ronald Reagan he literally got shot and he’s still is an advocate for for guns.

 

00:37:07:18 – 00:37:16:19

Mike Olsen

You know, that made me think as well, because I think I think people that are are let’s call it gun lovers or gun advocates. Right. Is that the proper word?

 

00:37:16:25 – 00:37:30:05

Samuel Anthony

Yeah, I’m a you know, it’s a I look, it’s a, you know, God given, right? You know, the US Constitution, you know, it was there to protect our God given rights and from being taken from us, not give us anything. It’s protect what we’re already entitled to.

 

00:37:30:18 – 00:38:06:27

Mike Olsen

But you also aren’t a prepper. You don’t also appear to be somebody who, you know, might have, you know, six M-16s behind, you know, each door in the house you believe in, what you believe in and tell me what you which your viewpoint is that might be controversial. Maybe it’s not on people who are every time an incident and we’ve just had some recently in our society where gun issues happen, mass people die and now people are saying we need gun control.

 

00:38:07:02 – 00:38:10:17

Mike Olsen

Do you mind me asking your opinion on on gun control?

 

00:38:11:14 – 00:38:33:27

Samuel Anthony

I think a lot of these incidents have to do with mental health issues and people not receiving and not recognizing that they need, you know, mental health. There’s a lot of been a push lately or actually over quite a few years now where there’s, you know, the closing of mental hospitals and, you know, pulling back of resources for people with mental health issues.

 

00:38:34:16 – 00:38:34:28

Mike Olsen

Okay.

 

00:38:36:13 – 00:39:03:12

Samuel Anthony

So I I’m I’m more of one that, you know, let the individual should the responsibility and the individual that’s it’s doing, you know, whatever is being done and not the object. We don’t blame Ford for for car accidents or Jack Daniels for drunk driving. So why why? You know, blame blame these on me on the abject, you know, on firearms, I guess would be my argument to that.

 

00:39:03:21 – 00:39:25:13

Mike Olsen

I see. I mean, I feel the same way. I, I guess I understand why some people don’t feel that way. Um, like you mentioned, you, you don’t blame Ford, but yet we have to register a car you the responsibility part. And so it sounds to me like, you know, most people are in favor of, you know, being responsible.

 

00:39:25:26 – 00:39:35:20

Mike Olsen

And I’m certainly not a professional on, you know, the legalities or how that should be. But anything that promotes response ability but still gives people their rights, I kind of like that.

 

00:39:37:04 – 00:39:54:20

Samuel Anthony

And, you know, I understand that, you know, a lot of people that aren’t raised or aren’t around firearms a lot, it’s you know, when you first get around them, yeah, it could be intimidating. It can be something scary. But the same thing with like you said, you know, driving the first time you got behind the wheel of a car was a little nerve wracking.

 

00:39:54:20 – 00:40:15:07

Samuel Anthony

You know, think back to when you’re 16, but the same as driving a car. The more experience you have with it and the more you practice at it, the more comfortable you’ll feel. So if you worry about firearms, you start, you know, getting in and learn how to handle them responsibly. No firing them. You will you feel more comfortable around them.

 

00:40:16:03 – 00:40:35:27

Mike Olsen

So regarding your incident, in your particular issue that we’re kind of focusing on this evening, uh, again, it sounds like you were already well aware of what could have happened. The potential accepted that and you just live your life in spite of those things that did happen to you.

 

00:40:36:21 – 00:40:47:29

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. There’s only it’s only one way life can be lived. And that’s my going forward. And that was a lot of my there was a lot of them in my head quite a bit. And part of my drive is my recovery. You just have to keep moving forward.

 

00:40:49:01 – 00:40:50:28

Mike Olsen

Moving forward.

 

00:40:50:28 – 00:41:18:19

Brad Singletary

So there were lots of things that you’ve had to accept. You had to accept an injury, you’ve had to accept a loss of your career that you seemed to love and be made for your second, at least generation a police officer in your family. And that’s you’re accepting of, you know, physical disability. The I guess we would say you’re accepting so many things that will never be the same.

 

00:41:19:08 – 00:41:21:23

Brad Singletary

None of it’s fair. You didn’t deserve it.

 

00:41:21:23 – 00:41:26:25

Samuel Anthony

Affairs what you paid to ride the bus.

 

00:41:26:25 – 00:41:43:09

Mike Olsen

Oh, I just had that argument at the house today. That’s not fair. I said, wait a second. Is that not nice? Is that unkind or is that not accurate? What’s your definition of fair, honey? Well, dammit, you know what I mean.

 

00:41:43:09 – 00:42:02:10

Samuel Anthony

Now, you know, I’ve. I’ve learned to do with one hand what what most people do with with two. And the things that I can’t do. I have to learn to ask for help. And that’s you know, it’s not not a blow to my ego any more. It’s just it is what it is. And that’s that’s I’m going to have to live life.

 

00:42:02:10 – 00:42:04:26

Mike Olsen

Now, you said anymore. What do you mean by that?

 

00:42:05:21 – 00:42:16:03

Samuel Anthony

Also, you know, tying your shoes, that type of thing. If my shoelace comes untied, I’m going to have to ask for for help or, you know, things that I used to be able to do prior when I had to do hands.

 

00:42:16:15 – 00:42:28:00

Brad Singletary

I thought he was saying it used to be hurt your ego or you know, it it was maybe emasculating or something to have one hand. But you saying not anymore. Does it affect your ego?

 

00:42:28:15 – 00:42:31:14

Samuel Anthony

It’s just it’s just something that’s become normal to me.

 

00:42:33:03 – 00:42:43:08

Brad Singletary

See that? And maybe that’s a process. Maybe that’s what you do in 13 years. But I think I would be pissed. I don’t know that I could. That’s why I am so impressed by you, man is like.

 

00:42:43:22 – 00:42:43:28

Samuel Anthony

You’re.

 

00:42:43:28 – 00:42:59:13

Brad Singletary

Just kind of going along in it and it is what it is. I remember the first time I ever heard anybody say that little saying it is what it is. I thought, you’re so stupid or it of course it is what it is. That means nothing. You’re an idiot, you know. And I have been cursed by that now because I had to learn it.

 

00:42:59:13 – 00:43:00:24

Brad Singletary

And how to be that way.

 

00:43:00:26 – 00:43:08:06

Samuel Anthony

There’s some things that are just beyond our control and you accept those and what you can do or you can do and what again, you can’t. That’s the way I look at life.

 

00:43:09:13 – 00:43:29:12

Mike Olsen

You know, it’s similar because I noticed that right away in you. Soon as I met you, I noticed those things because you may not have noticed it with me and Brad knows obvious. He’s known me a long time. I was born with just two fingers on my left hand. And so when someone is slightly different, I notice it because it’s kind of how I was.

 

00:43:29:12 – 00:43:53:12

Mike Olsen

And I remember when I first met Brad and I was, uh, sharing Christian beliefs door to door. It took me a while before I realized I would knock on someone’s door and I would have to learn to hide my hand, not because I was embarrassed, but because if someone would notice it. They wouldn’t hear a word I said until they got to know me.

 

00:43:53:15 – 00:44:14:25

Mike Olsen

They’re like, What the crap is on the end of your hand? And so you notice that. But I quickly learned once I got through that, then I, I made sure that I had it out, made sure that I waved it around, talked with my hands normally so that other people would know I was comfortable being different and that I got that feeling from you, too.

 

00:44:15:04 – 00:44:19:06

Mike Olsen

Yeah, I’m a little different. My left side doesn’t work that well. And it’s okay.

 

00:44:20:16 – 00:44:31:16

Samuel Anthony

I’m. I’m loving. I love life. I can. You know, there’s only so much to a so much love to to experiencing for me. I got a lot to do. So I’m just out there every day living it.

 

00:44:31:23 – 00:44:33:20

Mike Olsen

Bottle that up. So let.

 

00:44:34:11 – 00:44:35:04

Samuel Anthony

Me ask you.

 

00:44:35:04 – 00:44:53:23

Brad Singletary

That. See, I think I think that I think it’s resilience after a terrible thing. But I think there’s some gift in that for you. You’ve got some talent. Somehow you have and I’m sure you’ve done work, too, right. You know, you had to push through some of that, some of the negative belief at some point, but.

 

00:44:54:04 – 00:45:00:27

Samuel Anthony

A lot of a lot of physical pain. Yeah, but, you know, the physical is easier to deal with.

 

00:45:01:02 – 00:45:02:17

Brad Singletary

Still, you have physical pain.

 

00:45:02:17 – 00:45:11:28

Samuel Anthony

Oh, I’m still every day I’m, you know, aching to snap, crackle, pop used to be what I hear dirt from my cereal. Now it’s what I hear from my body.

 

00:45:13:05 – 00:45:15:10

Mike Olsen

All other parts of your body are like in your head, in your.

 

00:45:15:10 – 00:45:17:03

Samuel Anthony

No joints, knees.

 

00:45:17:22 – 00:45:24:00

Mike Olsen

Got it. Yeah. So some of that traumatic injury you think is, like, manifested itself in other parts of your body.

 

00:45:24:01 – 00:45:29:13

Samuel Anthony

Oh, absolutely. Because I’m I don’t walk normally. My gait is different, so you have to compensate.

 

00:45:29:29 – 00:45:40:08

Mike Olsen

I know what you’re talking about because because of the ineffectiveness of one part of your body, the other parts have to work a little harder. They are wearing out a little faster. I got got.

 

00:45:40:09 – 00:45:42:02

Brad Singletary

Like 70 year old right.

 

00:45:42:03 – 00:45:43:03

Samuel Anthony

Knee joint. Yeah.

 

00:45:44:01 – 00:45:45:25

Brad Singletary

That is holding me up.

 

00:45:45:25 – 00:45:47:14

Samuel Anthony

I’ll let you know when it’s going to rain. Yeah.

 

00:45:48:00 – 00:45:49:20

Mike Olsen

Oh, yeah. Uh huh.

 

00:45:49:21 – 00:46:04:03

Brad Singletary

So when it comes to being out in public, Mike was talking about being out in public that you know, you go into a restaurant or someone tries to hand you something with your legs. I mean, is there any embarrassment or shame about any of that?

 

00:46:04:14 – 00:46:15:01

Samuel Anthony

I’m just very upfront with people, hey, one hand that that’s you know, I’m not giving you a hard time here. It’s just and most people are like, oh, I didn’t even notice. Yeah.

 

00:46:15:29 – 00:46:20:15

Brad Singletary

Well, I like that too, because you’re just putting it out there. You’re like, Hey, I’m, you know, not trying to.

 

00:46:20:16 – 00:46:23:15

Mike Olsen

Don’t trying to hand my hand my Pepsi to me in my left hand. Right, yeah.

 

00:46:23:25 – 00:46:26:04

Samuel Anthony

Yeah.

 

00:46:26:04 – 00:46:28:13

Brad Singletary

I would love to hold your baby, but I only got one hand.

 

00:46:29:11 – 00:46:35:25

Samuel Anthony

Well, I can. I can do that because I’m my friend. I just. Just had a first grandchild and baby hold all them one handed all the time.

 

00:46:35:29 – 00:46:37:06

Mike Olsen

Congratulations.

 

00:46:37:06 – 00:46:37:23

Samuel Anthony

Thank you.

 

00:46:37:23 – 00:46:41:07

Brad Singletary

So are you all your boys busting your chops about being an old grandpa now?

 

00:46:41:07 – 00:46:43:18

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. Yeah.

 

00:46:43:18 – 00:46:44:22

Brad Singletary

That’s required of.

 

00:46:45:08 – 00:46:46:06

Mike Olsen

The intention was.

 

00:46:46:07 – 00:46:49:08

Samuel Anthony

Yeah, yeah, that’s all I got. I got enough gray hair I qualify adult.

 

00:46:51:02 – 00:46:56:22

Brad Singletary

So you you do a lot of we talked about this earlier you do things with people why why do.

 

00:46:56:22 – 00:46:57:05

Samuel Anthony

You.

 

00:46:57:13 – 00:47:07:09

Brad Singletary

Isn’t it a hassle to host people who are visiting and to, you know, show up at the dinner party and do the things that you do? Why do you do that?

 

00:47:07:12 – 00:47:17:27

Samuel Anthony

It’s it’s wonderful to see people. We’ve got a lot of great friends, great to sit, laugh, get your mind off of things. You know, focus on some other joys that other people have going on in their lives.

 

00:47:17:27 – 00:47:23:12

Mike Olsen

And tell me a little bit about that. Focus on the joy in other people’s lives.

 

00:47:23:12 – 00:47:43:22

Samuel Anthony

Oh, absolutely. You know, I’ve got we have some friends that get together, gather with for dinner regularly, and we’ll all sit, talk, laugh, joke around. And they’re always having a good time as his daughter just just got married. And, you know, it’s great, you know, how is she doing? You know, her and her husband, their house, you know, it’s still exciting stuff.

 

00:47:44:03 – 00:47:45:11

Mike Olsen

Have you always been that way?

 

00:47:45:27 – 00:47:49:07

Samuel Anthony

I enjoy having a good time with people.

 

00:47:50:11 – 00:48:19:09

Mike Olsen

I think that is so important when you for me, I just enjoy it. It’s why I like Las Vegas. I’ve never seen such a small town. Call it couple of million people that has kosher aisles in the grocery store that will have the ethnic depth that we have in such a small place. But, you know, I guess after living here for almost 30 years, I just understand how how many different varieties of people are here and how enjoyable it is.

 

00:48:19:09 – 00:48:42:24

Mike Olsen

I remember the first time I, you know, for for us as Western American white people, you go to meet a little kid or somebody grandson or pat him on the head, and that’s kind of a form of endearment. You cannot insult a Japanese family anymore than patting their kid on the head.

 

00:48:42:24 – 00:48:43:29

Brad Singletary

Oh, wow. I didn’t know that.

 

00:48:44:08 – 00:49:10:26

Mike Olsen

I didn’t. I didn’t either until I insulted this Japanese family unknowingly. But learning about their culture and learning about Italians and learning about what other people, that’s that’s why I personally enjoy it. I get that feeling from you, too, Sam. I get that feeling of your new. You’re this way. Cool. Let me ask you a few questions. Is that kind of it sounds like probably that’s how you’re I know that’s how Italian families have been and especially they just love people.

 

00:49:11:12 – 00:49:36:28

Samuel Anthony

Oh, absolutely. We you know, if I just joined the the Italian-American club here in town and we go, yeah, we go up there and have dinner and get some of the friends that’ll go out to dinner there with and, you know, a good time. My wife’s always making friends. You know, people sit at the next table over. We were just out to dinner the other night and we’re sitting talking about sports and when was like, oh yeah the you you’re a fan of the team too.

 

00:49:37:07 – 00:49:50:15

Samuel Anthony

Yeah I’m you know from near that area nearby. All right. How’s it going? And the girl she’s singing with goes, Oh, hey, do you know so and so, like, yeah. How do you know her? Like, oh, we work with her, like, oh, I, you know, she’s been a friend for four years.

 

00:49:51:12 – 00:49:52:15

Mike Olsen

Is your wife Italian?

 

00:49:52:24 – 00:49:53:13

Samuel Anthony

Yes. Yes.

 

00:49:54:12 – 00:49:56:13

Mike Olsen

So you guys all hate Boston, don’t you?

 

00:49:56:24 – 00:49:58:03

Samuel Anthony

I’m actually a Red Sox fan.

 

00:49:58:12 – 00:50:02:10

Mike Olsen

She don’t see that around New York people. That’s cool.

 

00:50:02:17 – 00:50:06:00

Samuel Anthony

All right. I get I get grief from that from the guys at work, too.

 

00:50:06:00 – 00:50:16:04

Mike Olsen

So that’s the one thing I did know generally, you’re supposed to hate Boston if you’re from New York, unless you’re from Boston and moved to New York, now you’re best buddies. Is that kind of right?

 

00:50:16:21 – 00:50:26:05

Samuel Anthony

It’s I’ve been to a to both cities for four ballgames. And it’s a it’s a great friendly rivalry from the fans that I’ve ever seen. That’s cool.

 

00:50:26:24 – 00:50:39:17

Brad Singletary

What would you say Sam has been the the hardest part of this whole recovery since this thing you’ve been through? And then what has been the gift in it all the hardest and then the best?

 

00:50:39:17 – 00:51:04:03

Samuel Anthony

The hardest was definitely the the physicality of getting back back on my feet, literally being able to stand again and then taking those first few steps. It was excruciatingly painful. But again, I got through it and every year the first day I got so that one hospital for a few months and then transferred to another hospital for my recovery.

 

00:51:04:20 – 00:51:23:22

Samuel Anthony

And that first day there, they brought me over and down to the physical therapy area. And you have to stand up like I like the work. I was in a wheelchair and they put me in this contraption that, you know, hoisted me up and I was standing on my own feet and they were all the basketball hoop in front of me and the, oh, you know, baskets.

 

00:51:23:22 – 00:51:29:04

Samuel Anthony

And I hadn’t lost my touch. I was laying bricks like a lot of the estimation. So I.

 

00:51:29:05 – 00:51:30:02

Mike Olsen

Having lost my temper.

 

00:51:30:02 – 00:51:32:06

Brad Singletary

Certainly, and bricks like in my estimation.

 

00:51:34:03 – 00:51:53:18

Samuel Anthony

And my dad was standing there and he goes, come on. It’s like, if you can do it, you know, do something, you know, start making these these shots because we’re seeing one lost. You’re touching. I know. So physical therapist. No, that’s you know that’s not really the the whole point of the exercise just to keep him occupied while he’s standing, you know, it has to give him something to do, but to do it right.

 

00:51:53:18 – 00:52:16:06

Mike Olsen

So it just keeps thinking back to the whole concept that you had such a deep and lengthy support system. And, you know, the Alpha Quorum brand is kind of all about that. How do you how do we support one another? How do we how do we help one another? What does that look like? What does that mean to every individual?

 

00:52:16:06 – 00:52:23:18

Mike Olsen

How do we get better at you know, Sam’s obviously is a pro at asking for the help. It’s it’s easy for him to do.

 

00:52:25:11 – 00:52:40:06

Brad Singletary

In real quick one of the reasons it’s easy is because people have come through for you. That’s a safe thing to do because you had a bunch of dudes show up and they you could rely on them. And so that’s I’m sure that’s part of what helped you, you know, help that be easy for you.

 

00:52:40:21 – 00:52:59:10

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. And you know, it’s you know it’s every day people are up at the hospital. And, you know, initially guys have told me afterwards that, you know, we go to the hospital, we’re, you know, breaking down. You know, when we first got the news because people thought I was dead, they had heard stories that you. Oh, you got the news.

 

00:52:59:10 – 00:53:15:19

Samuel Anthony

That’s it. Now is they didn’t make it. That’s it. And I was still in still in surgery and they’d come up and they’d see my my parents and my mother and they’re like, Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m just like, no, don’t worry. Easily find you know, my mother was consoling the officers who were up there crying in the hallway thinking that that was it.

 

00:53:15:19 – 00:53:20:07

Samuel Anthony

And she’s like, now is me fine. Just no, don’t don’t worry about it.

 

00:53:20:07 – 00:53:46:07

Mike Olsen

You one thing that is, I don’t think that many men realize either that, let’s say, allow themselves to be helped. That paycheck, so to speak, for the other person, giving the help is the gratitude. That’s one thing I get from you. You know, just the hour that we’ve been here together is that it’s easy for you to express gratitude for those helping you rather than the pool of self-pity.

 

00:53:48:00 – 00:54:06:12

Samuel Anthony

I’m you know, I am stubborn. I will I will try to get stuff done on my own. But when it comes time to ask for help, no problem. Just ask for help. You can feel bad for yourself because that doesn’t get me anywhere. So, you know, I’ll try. And if I can find a way that works, then you go to the other alternative, which is help.

 

00:54:06:12 – 00:54:09:24

Samuel Anthony

And that’s that’s okay. Nothing wrong with that that’s fantastic.

 

00:54:10:21 – 00:54:27:16

Brad Singletary

So the best part, I don’t know if you talked about the miracle of it because this is quite a miraculous story, if you ask me. I mean, I don’t I’m looking back. I don’t know anyone who’s been shot in the head and is recording a podcast 13 years later. I mean, it’s a pretty, pretty cool story that you’ve.

 

00:54:27:28 – 00:54:28:07

Samuel Anthony

It’s.

 

00:54:28:07 – 00:54:40:03

Mike Olsen

Funny, brother. You mention that. Do you remember in some of the projects you and I were in? Yeah, in the mid eighties. I don’t tell this to very many people. I walked around the wrong corner one evening.

 

00:54:40:23 – 00:54:41:05

Samuel Anthony

Oh.

 

00:54:41:28 – 00:54:54:20

Mike Olsen

And a gun was to my head. What? Yes, you. I don’t tell this one very, very often. But being a missionary, we get confused quite a bit for either a tax person, a tax collector or FBI.

 

00:54:54:20 – 00:54:55:17

Brad Singletary

Cop or something.

 

00:54:55:17 – 00:54:56:01

Samuel Anthony

Yes.

 

00:54:56:18 – 00:55:12:12

Mike Olsen

And when when that dealer recognized, I was neither of those and I was just a missionary, that Glock was in the back of his pants fast and not a problem. And I walked around and I got home and no big deal. And then I started sweating. I was like, that was.

 

00:55:12:12 – 00:55:15:02

Brad Singletary

Close. Oh, my God. I was like, No, no, I.

 

00:55:15:02 – 00:55:31:16

Mike Olsen

Don’t I don’t tell that. Definitely. I didn’t tell that to my mom for 20 years. Because you don’t write you don’t write home to your mom the day after. Go. Hey, Mom, guess what? Guess what almost happened. So. Yeah, but I don’t know very many people that, you know, have those particular situations.

 

00:55:31:16 – 00:55:41:02

Samuel Anthony

And I didn’t tell my mom about the first time I was shot at either. Yeah. In that I’ve told since. Told you the story years later.

 

00:55:41:02 – 00:55:44:19

Brad Singletary

So I guess there was more than that.

 

00:55:44:19 – 00:55:48:21

Samuel Anthony

But the second time was the time I was hit. Wow. So yeah.

 

00:55:50:01 – 00:55:53:28

Brad Singletary

So what is the miracle you bring? You talk about your meaning your wife.

 

00:55:54:02 – 00:56:20:13

Samuel Anthony

My wife. We have such a wonderful relationship and we’re we we’ve done a lot of traveling in the ten years we’ve been together, gotten to see a lot of different places and experience quite a few a lot of things. We love going out for dinner, especially traveling, lots of different cuisines we’ve ever seen. Feels like every time we go somewhere as we sneak out the best restaurant now, every time we go back and all place or so.

 

00:56:20:13 – 00:56:26:07

Samuel Anthony

Oh, you going there all. And I got out, got a restaurant free to go check out it’s cool.

 

00:56:26:07 – 00:56:34:16

Mike Olsen

And you mentioned your grandfather. How many children do you have? Just one boy or girl? Boy? One boy. Yeah, that’s fantastic.

 

00:56:34:24 – 00:56:55:24

Brad Singletary

If you could, you know, just kind of summarize all of the 13 years of ups and downs and pain and, you know, loss and victory and all the things that come with this experience, you know, to share with men around the world who are dealing with their own situations, maybe their own tragedy, maybe their own difficulty, maybe a physical limitation.

 

00:56:55:24 – 00:57:02:25

Brad Singletary

Some things change their life. What would you share is just the wisdom that.

 

00:57:02:25 – 00:57:03:06

Samuel Anthony

You’ve.

 

00:57:04:20 – 00:57:06:11

Brad Singletary

Learned since this thing happened.

 

00:57:06:19 – 00:57:16:25

Samuel Anthony

No matter what you have going on and what or how bad it looks, there’s always something to find joy in. And whatever that is for you find it, embrace it, and continue to go after that.

 

00:57:18:05 – 00:57:19:09

Mike Olsen

That’s that’s awesome.

 

00:57:19:17 – 00:57:42:20

Brad Singletary

Yeah. It’s just seems like you’ve, you’ve made the decisions to be grateful. You’ve made the decision to look for the joy you talked about sharing in other people’s joy. Instead of sitting home in self-pity, you’re looking for someone to go congratulate with their good news and be a part of their the good things in their life. You you’re choosing to be positive.

 

00:57:43:04 – 00:57:50:00

Brad Singletary

Maybe it’s not hard for you. Maybe. Maybe that’s how your momma raised you. I don’t know. But it’s a gift. It’s a talent.

 

00:57:50:22 – 00:58:32:16

Samuel Anthony

Oh, I was always raised, you know, just keep your head down, work hard. So after this, I just work hard for towards my recovery. And then, you know, things are great. You know, I’ve got I’ve got a little, little niece that that’s I talk to her every day. She’s three Dr. every day on the phone. And, you know, just just hearing her voice and watching her get older and grow and develop and just hearing how, you know, I’m curious is about life and what there is thing I just can’t help but, you know, stay stay positive because, you know, there’s little ones out there that, you know, no one grants until those little ones out

 

00:58:32:16 – 00:58:49:22

Samuel Anthony

there that need that someone to, uh, to set an example for them and how to deal with the troubles in life. Because fortunately this world some point or another you’re going to run into some hard times and to need to know how they’re going to know how to get through that.

 

00:58:51:12 – 00:59:13:27

Mike Olsen

That’s a great motivation to be able to know that. Yeah. And there’s no I don’t think there’s a group of people that know how crappy the world is and how crappy humanity can be. Then police officers having friends and relatives who’ve who’ve been in that line and yet know that there’s a good part out there as well that really is relying on that little bit of us that that they can have.

 

00:59:13:27 – 00:59:36:26

Samuel Anthony

I tell you there there are some wonderful people out there. You know, unfortunately, as police officers, you tend to spend most of your day dealing with the you know, the rougher crowd. But there’s a lot a lot of great people out there. I remember I was in the hospital one night. One of the officers who was assigned to my room that night came up and said, Hey, Sam, do you remember so-and-so name?

 

00:59:36:26 – 00:59:54:27

Samuel Anthony

Doesn’t sound really goes. Oh, she lives over here on the street. Oh yeah it was. Yeah. She said that you were at her house few weeks ago. She said, you know, she appreciated you coming and coming by and said you real nice. You know, I appreciated the interaction she had with then. I’m like, wow, that’s nice. There to be, you know, you remember?

 

00:59:54:27 – 01:00:06:03

Samuel Anthony

And I’m like, Hey, I know that guy. He looks familiar. I remember when he was at my house, it was a good interaction with them, you know. So there’s a lot of a lot of people out there still for what officers do on a daily basis. Right.

 

01:00:07:02 – 01:00:07:21

Mike Olsen

Exactly.

 

01:00:09:05 – 01:00:10:17

Brad Singletary

You just such a great example.

 

01:00:10:17 – 01:00:11:00

Samuel Anthony

Of.

 

01:00:11:18 – 01:00:35:03

Brad Singletary

What it means to, in my opinion, be alpha and to live in that energy. So a couple a few weeks ago I did a solo kind of rant podcast where I talked about, you know, this isn’t about the guy with the biggest muscles in the room or whatever. You know, Alpha is not a comparison between other people. What I want it to be, what I want to focus on is that it is the excellence within the person.

 

01:00:35:20 – 01:00:52:20

Brad Singletary

You know, when you’re patrolling the streets and you’ve got a gun and you’ve got authority and you’ve got all these things, that’s pretty that’s pretty alpha. You know, you’re a hero in the community and whatever right now, you know, you got you got one arm and one leg that that’s fully functional. You know, you’ve got some limitation and it’s still alpha.

 

01:00:53:08 – 01:01:04:05

Brad Singletary

You know, you’re not going to win a foot race. You’re not, you know, there’s some things you’re not going to be able to do, but at your capacity, you’re killing it, man. You are totally living.

 

01:01:04:05 – 01:01:04:20

Mike Olsen

Agreed.

 

01:01:04:29 – 01:01:05:16

Samuel Anthony

You’re looking.

 

01:01:05:16 – 01:01:31:06

Brad Singletary

For joy. You’re looking for gratitude. You’re over here teaching people. You spent time teaching in the academy, training the next round of officers. You’ve maintained relationships. You’ve said nothing but positive about your wife ever. You’re you are choosing a good attitude. You’re choosing good actions. And you have some incredible attributes that are just super alpha. If you ask me.

 

01:01:31:22 – 01:01:49:06

Samuel Anthony

Whether you know exactly what you said, Alpha isn’t about being the owner of the biggest ripped muscular guy out there. I mean, I’m I’m not a big guy by any means. It’s it’s about just moving forward and, you know, whatever life throws at you, you can’t quit. You just got to keep going and going forward with things. And that’s that’s what Alpha is to me.

 

01:01:49:06 – 01:01:56:09

Samuel Anthony

It’s just continuously moving forward. And whatever the world throws at you, you just, you deal with it and then you go on to the next thing and deal with that.

 

01:01:57:03 – 01:02:08:13

Brad Singletary

Are there things that you I guess we’ll wrap up here and if you would, a couple questions. Are there things that you still want to work on, like to improve or things to pursue or that you want to?

 

01:02:09:12 – 01:02:11:07

Mike Olsen

Yes, the same goals. What are they?

 

01:02:11:07 – 01:02:32:24

Samuel Anthony

Yeah, I’m constantly, you know, push myself, you know, whether it’s, you know, just write today, go in here, go in there or walk a little further, get my stamina up a little bit more. Let’s, you know, go to the gym. I’m going to spend a few extra minutes doing this or doing that or just what.

 

01:02:32:24 – 01:02:39:11

Brad Singletary

About hobby kind of things or, you know, things you want to conquer or master with your mind, even.

 

01:02:40:15 – 01:02:53:08

Samuel Anthony

I do do a lot of reading and I think that that’s that’s an important part of things. Keep keeping your mind active. I also do a lot of writing too, for a few for for an online for website online.

 

01:02:53:13 – 01:02:56:23

Mike Olsen

So what’s what’s the topic you write about for the online Web site?

 

01:02:57:05 – 01:03:02:04

Samuel Anthony

I tend to discuss a lot of constitutional issues.

 

01:03:02:17 – 01:03:12:19

Mike Olsen

Oh, okay. Interesting. And so is your reading preferences geared a little to that as well? Constitutional or governmental or historical? What’s your what’s your read? A lot of.

 

01:03:12:24 – 01:03:23:25

Samuel Anthony

Historical stuff, but depends on my mood. Sometimes it’s historical, sometimes it’s fiction, other times it’s, you know, some older novels. Okay.

 

01:03:24:15 – 01:03:26:28

Brad Singletary

I’ve read some of your writing. It’s pretty freaking.

 

01:03:26:28 – 01:03:28:14

Samuel Anthony

Good. Oh, thank you.

 

01:03:28:16 – 01:03:40:13

Brad Singletary

Is seriously, it’s, it’s it’s pretty high level stuff. I mean, it just seems like that’s a profession. It was lots of cool little nuance in it and things that were I thought were very well done.

 

01:03:40:27 – 01:03:45:05

Mike Olsen

Have you always liked to write or is this been something since the incident? You’ve picked this this.

 

01:03:45:05 – 01:04:04:03

Samuel Anthony

Is something I’ve picked up. More recently I was actually just discussing this with a buddy of mine, you know, in the this morning when we were driving home from the range, I said, you know, sometimes when you’re when you’re struggling, you know, having a hobby or something to do is important to keep busy. But, you know, you got to pick something new, something that you’re not.

 

01:04:04:22 – 01:04:14:23

Samuel Anthony

It’s not just the usual everyday fare that you’ve just more repetition, something that’s going to challenge your brain and something that’s to keep keep you active.

 

01:04:15:01 – 01:04:16:15

Mike Olsen

That’s cool. That’s very cool.

 

01:04:17:27 – 01:04:25:16

Brad Singletary

So what would you say is the most alpha part of you? What is your most important talent gift? You know, superpower strength.

 

01:04:26:07 – 01:04:34:13

Samuel Anthony

I just know that being not quitting, you just got to keep moving forward. That’s I think that that’s my my my strength.

 

01:04:35:12 – 01:04:56:05

Brad Singletary

Stubborn and consistent endurance. That’s another one of our things, you know, that you your mind is right, that you’ve got some goals. You you can adjust things in your path. You you’re pretty patient, persistent. You accept support and you, you know, you accept your limitations as well. You, you know when to say win.

 

01:04:57:01 – 01:05:06:27

Samuel Anthony

Yeah, but push myself. I was just having a conversation with another body the other day and I’m going to make it back to the golf course with him sometime soon. He’ll go golfing again.

 

01:05:06:27 – 01:05:09:03

Mike Olsen

So Brad and I need to be there.

 

01:05:09:04 – 01:05:14:20

Brad Singletary

Can we please go? Yes. I mean, even if it’s not to that day with your friends, we’ll do our own.

 

01:05:14:21 – 01:05:15:06

Samuel Anthony

We can do it.

 

01:05:15:06 – 01:05:17:11

Mike Olsen

Here on the driving range, even if it’s just that.

 

01:05:17:16 – 01:05:21:03

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. It’s a it’s not pretty, but it gets the job done.

 

01:05:21:08 – 01:05:39:00

Brad Singletary

That’ll make me feel good. I mean, I’m terrible anyway. But, you know, if, if I’m the only one here with both working hands, so I, I just look up to these guys so much for their attitude. They’re, I’ve never heard one single thing from either of these guys. And I’ve known you longer, Mike, but just you’ve taken it.

 

01:05:39:00 – 01:05:59:05

Brad Singletary

You’ve accepted long ago that part of your life too, with your I’m talking about your hand and it’s just it’s I’ve never seen it. Maybe there’s something there at times, but I’ve never seen you be a sit on the pity pot over that. And for sure you’re, you know, you’re, you’re walking around and you have mobility, but you’re doing whatever you can.

 

01:05:59:15 – 01:06:02:27

Brad Singletary

That’s the coolest thing ever. So I’ll play some golf with you guys.

 

01:06:02:27 – 01:06:03:23

Mike Olsen

Yeah, that’d be great.

 

01:06:03:23 – 01:06:04:09

Samuel Anthony

Sounds good.

 

01:06:04:29 – 01:06:27:03

Brad Singletary

Sam, man, appreciate you being here. This has just been a highlight kind of thing for me. You’ve you’ve helped us level up. You’ve taught me some things about, you know, just attitude and how if I think my takeaway from today is go looking for things to feel joy about. Go looking for it, go find it in other people.

 

01:06:27:03 – 01:06:32:28

Brad Singletary

Go celebrate in their joys. And that’s crazy to think that, you know, you were shot by a freakin.

 

01:06:32:28 – 01:06:33:18

Samuel Anthony

Thug.

 

01:06:34:18 – 01:06:38:21

Brad Singletary

And you got no hatred. There’s there’s none of that there it’s just good is.

 

01:06:38:24 – 01:06:43:21

Samuel Anthony

Going to do anybody negativity is a cancer I stay positive.

 

01:06:45:00 – 01:06:48:02

Mike Olsen

Sure is negative negativity will literally eat you.

 

01:06:48:02 – 01:06:48:15

Samuel Anthony

Alive.

 

01:06:49:16 – 01:07:15:07

Brad Singletary

You guys were trying to highlight men who seem to have something figured out about how to live and how to be happy and how to maintain your own power and energy and control over your life. So much of it is attitude. And as you’ve seen with this guest and so many, the way that you believe about yourself and about other people and about the world, that’s going to determine a lot about the experience that you have.

 

01:07:15:07 – 01:07:17:20

Brad Singletary

And so, Sam, just really appreciate you being here, brother.

 

01:07:17:20 – 01:07:20:14

Samuel Anthony

Thank you for having me. I appreciate the opportunity. Great to meet.

 

01:07:20:14 – 01:07:30:02

Brad Singletary

You, Sam. Best of luck in your writing. And if you ever have any of that stuff you want to share with, feel free to send it my way. And I’d love to see whatever you write about.

 

01:07:30:15 – 01:07:31:02

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely.

 

01:07:31:02 – 01:07:37:24

Mike Olsen

You know, tell us again, how do we find the website where we can see your writing, which how do they listeners find it?

 

01:07:38:00 – 01:07:39:27

Samuel Anthony

So American Thinker, dot.com.

 

01:07:40:06 – 01:07:42:06

Brad Singletary

American American Thinker, dot.com.

 

01:07:42:06 – 01:07:50:21

Samuel Anthony

Samuel Anthony you just look under the archives portion of any just search for Samuel Anthony and you’ll have a link to all my articles there. Great.

 

01:07:51:03 – 01:07:53:29

Brad Singletary

But if we put a link to it on, on our show notes stuff.

 

01:07:53:29 – 01:07:54:22

Samuel Anthony

Absolutely. Yeah.

 

01:07:54:25 – 01:08:02:26

Brad Singletary

It’s a now just to warn anybody, you may be coming at this with a little bit of a conservative slant on that or whatever, but just just.

 

01:08:02:26 – 01:08:03:18

Samuel Anthony

A little bit, you know.

 

01:08:03:18 – 01:08:06:17

Brad Singletary

But it’s thought provoking. It’s nothing. It’s nothing.

 

01:08:06:17 – 01:08:28:24

Samuel Anthony

Radical. Nothing radical. I’m very much a, you know, moderate. You know, that one side of the the aisle or the other. But I think both sides have a lot to a lot to answer for. For what? For the state of the country. And it’s it’s more about everyone waking up and realizing that, you know, our elected officials don’t always have our best interests at heart.

 

01:08:28:24 – 01:08:35:16

Samuel Anthony

And you have to be smart about who you choose. And just keep that in mind that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

 

01:08:35:21 – 01:08:41:18

Mike Olsen

Oh, you’re part of that new political group. The sensible Aryans is hilarious.

 

01:08:41:18 – 01:08:42:18

Samuel Anthony

Yes.

 

01:08:42:18 – 01:08:54:28

Brad Singletary

Oh, that’s funny. Yeah, I read that and it’s very rationally written, if anybody’s interested. I don’t think it’s going to be some kind of hate mail for one or the other, kind of thinking. I know it’s not. But anyway, thank you again.

 

01:08:55:27 – 01:09:03:05

Samuel Anthony

Is my reading you can email me at file that and the circular Ben duck. Okay Dot.

 

01:09:03:12 – 01:09:04:23

Mike Olsen

Sam, it’s been great to meet you.

 

01:09:05:00 – 01:09:06:01

Samuel Anthony

Thank you. Very nice to meet you.

 

01:09:06:20 – 01:09:10:29

Brad Singletary

Well, maybe we’ll have to have you back some time for another topic. I will pick your brain.

 

01:09:10:29 – 01:09:19:10

Samuel Anthony

So since face hasn’t been been shown here on the podcast, you definitely won’t have any listeners drop off.

 

01:09:19:10 – 01:09:22:25

Brad Singletary

So we got to get your picture though. We have to have the cover photo.

 

01:09:23:09 – 01:09:28:16

Mike Olsen

I was thinking of that you’ve had how many guests? Now we need a start up. Like a Polaroid wall.

 

01:09:28:16 – 01:09:33:13

Brad Singletary

Yes. Seriously? Yeah. Or well, on the website or somewhere where it’s just. That’s cool.

 

01:09:33:13 – 01:09:35:22

Samuel Anthony

Right? Yeah. All right.

 

01:09:35:22 – 01:09:45:23

Brad Singletary

You guys will. Thank you again. Until next time. No excuses, Alpha up.

 

01:09:45:23 – 01:09:57:01

Outro

Gentlemen, you are the Alpha. And this is the Alpha Quorum.

 

01:09:57:01 – 01:09:57:19

Samuel Anthony

Well done.

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