You Are Not An Alpha, And Neither Am I
BRAD SINGLETARY, LCSW
Founder, Producer, Host, Men's Coach
BRAD SINGLETARY, LCSW
Founder, Producer, Host, Men's Coach
Let’s dive in as we discuss the latest podcast episode with the founder of Alpha Quorum, Brad Singletary about what it really means to be an Alpha.
“Alpha is not a status It’s a state of energy, it is behavior. It’s a collection of actions at any given moment. It’s about dominating yourself, not others. It’s about winning the competition with your own base and lower frequency habits.”
History of the term “Alpha”
Prior to the 1990s, the alpha and beta terms were exclusively used for animals, particularly in relation to mating privileges with females—the ability to hold territory like the food intake hierarchy within the herd or the flock. In the animal world, a beta animal is one that is submissive to higher ranking members of the social order, meaning that it must wait to eat and has fewer or no possibilities for mating. Franz DiVall who is a primatologist and ecologist claimed in his 1982 book Chimpanzee Politics that his observations of a chimp colony could be applied to human interactions. Several reviews of that book, including one in the Chicago Tribune, compared it to human power structures.
Some of the media outlets began to use the term alpha male, particularly referring to manly males who succeeded in business. Then, a bestselling book in 2005 called “The Game”, which is a pick-up artistry book by Neil Strauss, is credited with popularizing the alpha male as an aspirational ideal.
According to Brad, Alpha is about excellence, and excellence is the highest quality that you are capable of producing on this day.
“The strongest of men have power but have all of their powers in check. They are regulated against arrogance and pride and the use and misuse and abuse of people. The ability to love is probably my own simplest definition of what it means to be alpha, the ability to love. But alpha is not an identity.”
How can you be an Alpha?
“Get aligned with the highest energy within you.”
There’s a part of you that is gentle, easygoing, tolerant, and another part of you that is aggressive, angry, and fierce. Being alpha is different if you’re holding a baby versus if you’re trying to win a competition.
How do you alpha when you’re holding a baby? Well, hopefully with some confidence and skill and the ability to soothe and comfort this child. Not being afraid to sing to him or too embarrassed to dance around and afraid that you can’t rock them to sleep. You’re comfortable. You’re confident. You’re having an alpha moment. If you’re afraid of holding a baby, that’s not your highest form of energy.
How do you alpha in an athletic event or a motorcycle race? You are prepared. You have the best equipment possible. You have a strategy. You’ve taken every possible measure to have a competitive edge. And you’re having an alpha day. You’re having an alpha month or week or and having an alpha season.
“Alpha is the highest combination of qualities that you’re capable of in any given moment.”
We have these archetypal energies embedded in us that have been passed down through both nature and nurture. It’s already been talked about in some previous podcasts, but we’re borrowing here from the work of Carl Jung, who says that inside we all have the energies of kings. And also the shadow side of that tyrant and weakling. We have the energy of warriors and also the shadow of sadists and masochists.
We have the energy of magicians as well as the shadow side of manipulators and dummies. We have the power and the energy of lovers, as well as the shadow side there of addicts and impotent lovers. We all have alpha energy in us, too. We also have the energy of selfish punk ass bitches who are afraid of our own shadow and don’t know our ass from a hole in the ground.
In every given moment, we either embody alpha energy which is the highest form of ourselves. We embody that in its fullness, or we live in some shadow form of the upside down shadow on a long continuum of polar opposite energies. And we can be both. We can swing back and forth from one to the other.
“Show me a brave soldier, and I’ll show you a guy who sometimes cries like a baby. Show me a physician and I’ll show you someone who sometimes indulges in the most disgusting and unhealthy habits.”
There have been times when you experienced and expressed and acted out of pure alpha energy. You were decisive and bold and loving and strong and influential and fun and fierce all at the same time. We can say that we are a man. We can say that we are men. We cannot say that we’re alpha.
We’re up and down with our energy. We’re up and down with our integrity. A man may have an instinctual propensity toward leadership or enthusiasm or flamboyance or dominance in some fashion, some type of dominance. But he isn’t always that. And neither is the so-called beta always weak. Our alpha states are fluid, and they fluctuate like our weight, our mood, and our hunger.
Now, let’s talk more about the Alpha Quorum…
The initial logo was made to look like the word “Alpha” is bigger than the “Quorum”. But after a couple of years, Brad thought it needed to be updated. The idea comes from Robert’s Rules of Order. This group isn’t just all about the Alpha, but more on Quorum. If you don’t have a tribe of trusted men who you can consult with on the business of your life, you’re missing out.
“We are weakest when we are isolated. We make the worst decisions alone. If you think about it, think about your worst decisions. Think about the worst period of your life. You didn’t have dudes to talk to. You didn’t tell the truth about what you were doing. You didn’t let people know of your plans to end this relationship.”
What we are all about in Alpha Quorum
We’re about this grown-ass man. We’re about supporting each other, providing education, engaging in the community, creating unique experiences, sharing resources, and expanding influence. We believe that men evolve by engaging with other dudes to improve their attitudes, actions, and attributes.
Here are the Red Nine: Attributes, Responsibility, Resourcefulness, Reverence, Energy, Engage Judgment, Endurance, Discipline, Discernment, and Distinction.
The alpha state is all about life. You have a life. You are adventuresome and bold. You’re a mover and shaker. You’re healthy in every respect. You create life not by breeding, but by showing up with some love and energy. People want to be around you because you elevate them with your presence. Just being there makes it feel good. Your purposes are unselfish. There’s a lot of smooth, charismatic guys who can do those things. But if the purpose isn’t unselfish, that’s not alpha, if you ask me. And lastly, you preserve life, you protect people, and you help maintain their security, and that is more important to you than your own security.
The meaning of Alpha Up…
It means to call forward the high priest in your head, the generous king, the wisest member of the team of archetypes inside you. It means you’re not hiding in shame, ever, and you can be both rowdy and outrageous, as well as humble and grateful.
Don’t be a high chair tyrant. Be a benevolent king. Don’t be a sadistic bully. Be a warrior fighting for good things. With the least amount of casualty. Don’t be a manipulative trickster. Be a magician who gains and shares special guys knowledge teaching others your tricks.
The importance of having a tribe.
Men are isolated. Some research out of England, several years ago said that 50% of men do not have a best friend or even a close friend. When you look at the statistics about suicide, imprisonment, and substance abuse, all of those things are happening predominantly to men.
“There was a time in my life when I made terrible, terrible decisions. That’s when I myself was not engaging with other men. I wasn’t sharing, I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t hanging out. I didn’t go to the campfire and didn’t go on trips, and I didn’t have lunch or breakfast with anyone. And I made the worst decisions ever.”
If you know that you’re capable of more, you need men around you, who can mentor you and tell you when you’re being dumb. Every time Brad worked with a man who was cheating on his partner, he had zero friends or zero friends who have headed anywhere excellent. If you want this for yourself, get in touch with him and he’ll show you how to do this.
“One of the most important elements to growth in evolution is working with other dudes, have a person as a mentor to say, ‘Hey, can I count on you to bounce things off of you here and there’ Then build a smaller tribe of people, maybe six to eight guys, maybe three.”
We have a private Facebook group. We have a Discord server. We have Zoom group meetings on Sundays. We would like to help you know how you can organize some things in your neighborhood so that you can get together with other men. And you have this understanding that you need us and we need you. And that kind of community, that camaraderie, and that brotherhood could save your life.
“We don’t need to spend any more time arguing what an Alpha is. They don’t exist, only behaviors that produce good or evil, only motives that are driven either by love or by fear. Think about where you’re at.”